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Wanted to let this group know first that we just added some more options for our non-binary members. Well, one. Genderfluid. While I had thought that everyone is genderfluid to some extent, I realize that it's a good option for those members who have the luxury of not being attached to a single gender. Similarly, we added "Pansexual" and "Asexual" as options to the orientation question. What is your sexual orientation? I realize that there are many other gradients of gender roles and orientations but have to balance this and the ability to find members in search. I'm posting in this group first to let those who want to update their profile to do so... so that the search results return members. Also, can help find bugs. Frankly, the code for genders has become a bit complicated.

Ok, I need some help as to how can edit (hopefully just tweak) some questions/answers to address LGBT+ concerns while balancing the concerns of cis-gender people. For example, I just realized that "gender" What's your gender? has heterogeneous terms (e.g., "MALE" and "TRANS MAN" ). To express my personal feeling, I think it is counter-productive for the LGBT+ community to insist that straight men/women call themselves CIS MALE/FEMALE versus the LGBT+ community using it as a term for these genders. That is, allowing "MALE (ok MAN)" to be assumed CIS MALE is ok. Would the question make more sense to be "What is your gender / identity?".

Admin 8 Apr 29
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For me, I really wanted more options under gender and sexual orientation rather than under my bio. I've always identified as gay.. . Lesbian but I've had an interest in a few males throughout my life. (I'm 54.) However, I've never EVER identified as bisexual One day, I was talking to my daughter about a man that I found very attractive, and she said "mom, you're bisexual!!!" I was so shocked about her being so adamant (but kind) about my sexual orientation than I researched it, as well as talked to my son (trans F2M.) I decided that I really didn't like labels but if I had to choose, I would say I was gender fluid and pansexual. So to the younger LBGTQ community, I say that. However, I find some of the younger do not like labels at all. ( especially the labels of transvestite or cross dresser, those are very derogatory to them regardless of who uses the terms). On the other hand, being 54, when I was younger, our choices were gay/lesbian...butch/femme...lipstick dyke/dyke. I considered myself a "baby dyke" but 4-5 years later, lipstick dyke...femme but I had my masculine moments. My primary attraction was for a butch. I'm going to ask my son (he's 22) for his opinion and add more to this conversation. I'm also going to think this through and offer my thoughts about what questions could be asked. Thank you so much.


I have to admit, that the labels that we put on ourselves is confusing to me. I even confuse myself at times. I label myself as bi-sexual. There are times when I want to be with another man, but, at times, I want the other man to be the masculine one and other times, I want to be the masculine one. When I want to be with a woman, again, there are times when I want to take the lead and other times when I want the woman to take the lead. If I want to be with a couple, it depends on the couple (MM, MF, FF) It all depends on my mood at the time. So, which label fits me? It's all so confusing!

Yeah, there is overlap between bisexual and pansexual but I included pansexual for the "all of the above" members. Maybe I'll come up with a sexual version of "hobbies/interests".


Brilliant idea. Thank you.

Would it be possible to make it multiple selection? So that you could check 'agender', 'genderfluid' and 'genderqueer', for example, and appear to anyone searching for those terms. One of the big problems our community faces is being pigeonholed. And there's nothing epitomises this better than having to select a single identity from a list of overlapping ones.

I'd like to see agender, genderfluid and genderqueer added, at least. I identify as 'gender atheist' these days, but that's being playful, and I realise it's unlikely to go mainstream. Perhaps some examples of what other sites do would be useful. I'm not saying that I agree with all of the following (some I would say outright don't belong here) but I'm throwing it out there for discussion.

I've lifted the following list from FetLife:
Gender Fluid
Trans - Male to Female
Trans - Female to Male
Not Applicable

Meanwhile, tvChix separates sex from identity...

Sex options:

Identity options:
Pre-op Transsexual
Post-op Transsexual
Non-op Transsexual
Partner / S.O
Friend / Associate

There are definite tradeoffs when it comes to the design of our profile forms. Since we are a small community (currently), these terms are more easily handled in the profile bio. For example, less than 1% of members are trans (and about 10% of members are open to dating trans) so have search options for subcategories of sexual identity is overkill. We do let members search for others using the bio text.


Very thoughtful and kind of you! ❤

Qualia Level 8 Apr 29, 2018

As the mother of a Trans child, I am So Pleased to see this site taking it upon themselves to address and explore gender/identity topics!

I swear, you keep making me love this site more and more. These days, I only utilize messenger on FB and I visit my Actual site maybe once every couple of weeks. Clearly I have made My Choice!! I like this option. Option B!

Forever going to be a supporter of this site! Thank You!!

Sadoi Level 7 Apr 29, 2018

I am gay, but do go to a group that meets once a month whose members are mostly trans or gender fluid. I hve mentioned several times that i have a friend whose chromosomes are XXY, instead of the usual XX or XY.

The trans world is interesting in that most persons are unique in their own ways. Many trans peopel will identify as trans M to F or trans F to M, but only until they undergo full transition, then most prefer to be referred to as the gender they transitioned to.

Probably the two most all encompassing categories would be "non-binary" or "gender fluid".. If you want to try to manage to make as many peopel happy as possible, then the only thing you can do is allow them to make multiple choices under gender for a combination which they feel best suits them individually. Much like you allow us to choose multiple options under religion.

You may also want to add a "questioning" category to gender.

Anyway, if my suggestions above are incorporated, due o transitioning, you shoudl let members make changes. In some cases they will want to just as they figure themselves out a bit more as they explore their gender identities.

I recently read that about 3% of teens (in the U.S.) are questioning their genders. I suspect tht may be low, as how many who are questioning would so readily admit it. Stil I have nto seen the study, so I cant' realy say how accurate it was, or if they used data properly in drawing statistical conclusions. In any case, I am glad you are trying to make everyone comfortable here.

Hope I have been helpful.

snytiger6 Level 9 Apr 29, 2018

I have only found one important label that applies to all, and that is human being. Then if something comes up in a conversation related to if I am gay or trans or Spanish or asexual or British or female, or a Chinese food lover, then I make a point of explaining further on that point if needed. I am a gay male, but I have no need to wave signs or introduce myself that way to anyone, and I could care less if they thought I was straight or not a male. I do see that the specific labels are good for talking about things specifically related to trans topics, or asexual issues, but like you say it gets very complicated trying to please everyone to get them all included in special ways. If people could get past thinking they must have a special label which everyone else must acknowledge and use, to be able to interact with them, then they would be much further ahead in showing their special label is not as important as the common humanity between them and everyone else to engage in everyday conversations and activities. Just my view and I welcome being told I am way off base if there are some good reasons behind it. Very easy going myself. 🙂

Agreed. Thanks


Maybe just add cis m/f to the list. The more options, the merrier.

MollyBell Level 7 Apr 29, 2018
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