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If you have been called out for mansplaining or microaggressions, if you resist calling people by ...
MissKathleen comments on Jun 23, 2018:
As an HSP, I have suffered lifelong with bullying remarks about being "too" sensitive. There is no such thing...I am not too sensitive, I am how sensitive I am. And the same people do not seem to find me "too" sensitive when I am being sensitive to their needs or their disposition and ...
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 23, 2018:
If you have been called out for mansplaining or microaggressions, if you resist calling people by ...
Pete66 comments on Jun 23, 2018:
The only time I've been accused of mansplaining is where I've honestly tried to help someone out with something they have got factually wrong. I had the feeling it was being used to shut down the discussion! What a person prefers to be called is entirely up to them and I have no problem in ...
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 23, 2018:
Look we all make mistakes, right? It’s the resistance to calling others what they want to be called that I am criticizing.
If you have been called out for mansplaining or microaggressions, if you resist calling people by ...
kmdskit3 comments on Jun 23, 2018:
This is another example of accusing someone of a behavior you yourself are guilty of. The true snowflakes are those who won't acknowledge their own racism, misogyny, homophobia etc. Who truly acts more persecuted than straight, chauvinistic peckerheads right now? Our world is changing and these real...
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 23, 2018:
Like Christians declaring that they’re being persecuted because other people say “happy holidays” or because their religion isn’t given preferential treatment by government.
If you have been called out for mansplaining or microaggressions, if you resist calling people by ...
TheInterlooper comments on Jun 22, 2018:
Can I tell them to man up or is that frowned upon?
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 23, 2018:
@TheInterlooper there is no systemic bias against men. And I literally just said that sexism hurts men.
If you have been called out for mansplaining or microaggressions, if you resist calling people by ...
TheInterlooper comments on Jun 22, 2018:
Can I tell them to man up or is that frowned upon?
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 23, 2018:
Oh Dear. A good example of how misogyny is bad for men too.
If you have been called out for mansplaining or microaggressions, if you resist calling people by ...
DZhukovin comments on Jun 22, 2018:
Jennifer, people who use offensive speech and such are not responsible for the vulnerability of those affected. So you are, as a necessary conclusion, unjustly putting the bulk of the blame on the perpetrator in an appeal to normative thinking, rather than descriptive thinking which is necessarily ...
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 23, 2018:
“In social situations, trying to impose controls on others is insulting...” agreed. But asking another person to treat you with respect is not inherently controlling. and refusing to acknowledge the validity of another person’s experience and feelings because they make you uncomfortable IS controlling.
If you have been called out for mansplaining or microaggressions, if you resist calling people by ...
dellik comments on Jun 22, 2018:
Honestly, if you use terms like 'mansplain' and 'microaggression' you are begging to be disregarded.
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 22, 2018:
By white men who enjoy the privilege of living in a society that considers them the default for all things? Yes I’ve noticed. Thanks for explaining that. Those are not new phenomenon, by the way, they are merely new terms to describe behavior that thoughtlessly disrespects others.
If you have been called out for mansplaining or microaggressions, if you resist calling people by ...
dellik comments on Jun 22, 2018:
Honestly, if you use terms like 'mansplain' and 'microaggression' you are begging to be disregarded.
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 22, 2018:
@dellik as is the position that your experience/perspective is the only one that is valid.
If you have been called out for mansplaining or microaggressions, if you resist calling people by ...
LadyAlyxandrea comments on Jun 22, 2018:
I hate it. You do not get to decide whether or not your words hurt someone. You do not get to invalidate the pain of someone else.
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 22, 2018:
@dellik just because you didn’t mean to give offense, doesn’t mean what you said wasn’t hurtful.
"Trigger warnings," "Safe Spaces," "Snowflakes," and other current buzz-word criticisms of the ...
AdorkableMe comments on Jun 22, 2018:
Mansplaining sometimes comes down to tone and situation. Honestly, from your explanation, I'm not sure. You said this was in a classroom setting. We're you explaining things that were already taught or generally known to this group of people?
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 22, 2018:
@FrayedBear the problem is men ASSUMING that the PhD is ignorant because she does not possess a penis.
"Trigger warnings," "Safe Spaces," "Snowflakes," and other current buzz-word criticisms of the ...
A2Jennifer comments on Jun 21, 2018:
Have you seriously considered at all that you may have been condescendingly lecturing on the assumption that your knowledge and perspective was superior to that of the women in the class? Just saying...
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 22, 2018:
@FrayedBear how presumptuous of the men in the conversation to assume that their knowledge is not possessed by the professor. And now you are belittling me because I suggested that PERHAPS there is another point of view to be had.
Hoovering: the attempt to suck us back in to a toxic relationship. You’d think they’d be glad to...
A2Jennifer comments on Jun 21, 2018:
My ex usually skipped the “honeymoon” phase unless this one offense justified leaving him - the notion that I might leave for persistent, repeated violations of my rights and needs was ridiculous. But after our divorce was final he claimed his apartment had toxic mold and begged to stay with...
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 22, 2018:
@CarolinaGirl60 yeah he was a combo sociopath/covert narc. MASTER manipulator.
"Trigger warnings," "Safe Spaces," "Snowflakes," and other current buzz-word criticisms of the ...
AdorkableMe comments on Jun 22, 2018:
Mansplaining sometimes comes down to tone and situation. Honestly, from your explanation, I'm not sure. You said this was in a classroom setting. We're you explaining things that were already taught or generally known to this group of people?
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 22, 2018:
@AdorkableMe c’mon can we not call it “targeting” men when women stand up for themselves? There’s a missing link to this story - why did this young woman feel it was “mansplaining?” Usually that term describes men who interrupt, correct, lecture or talk over women, ASSUMING that they are more knowledgeable. And men don’t usually identify their behavior that way. Usually they think they are generously bestowing their superior knowledge on others. @mhmccabe Were you correcting the young woman or the teacher? Did you lecture the PhD at the front of the room about her subject?
"Trigger warnings," "Safe Spaces," "Snowflakes," and other current buzz-word criticisms of the ...
LadyAlyxandrea comments on Jun 21, 2018:
Back in the day people used lead and mercury in everything. Just because something was done one way in the past doesn't mean it was right. There are women today that misconstrue the meaning of feminism or assault or mansplaining and they continuously hold the entire movement back. There is a ...
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 22, 2018:
Two years ago I bought 2 used cars in a few months (for myself and my teenage son). I was appalled how often I was called “honey” or “sweetie” by men who didnt know me. One asked me if I needed to check with my husband (do you SEE a husband here?!) They treated us with more respect when my (17-years-old and looked it) son was with me.
Hoovering: the attempt to suck us back in to a toxic relationship. You’d think they’d be glad to...
A2Jennifer comments on Jun 21, 2018:
My ex usually skipped the “honeymoon” phase unless this one offense justified leaving him - the notion that I might leave for persistent, repeated violations of my rights and needs was ridiculous. But after our divorce was final he claimed his apartment had toxic mold and begged to stay with...
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 22, 2018:
Is it bad that I am 3 years out from this and just realizing on reading this that even his strategy for getting me back was 100% about HIS needs and 0% about mine?
So here it is: Apparently, on dating sites, relationships are supposed to fall into one of two ...
A2Jennifer comments on Jun 21, 2018:
I am personally not interested in hooking up or casual sex. I certainly don’t think that every date can or should turn into a long-term relationship, and I know that most relationships don't make it to forever. but if you aren’t looking for something that could become a long-term relationship, ...
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 22, 2018:
@Deveno I also think it’s kind of weird and probably manipulative for grown people to withhold physical affection to extract a lifetime commitment. It sounds to me like what you’re saying is that you’d like to find someone to love, whether it lasts forever or not. But most people can break it down to, looking for something long-term/committed or looking for something that is... not. Or happy to engage in casual until long-term comes along. Everyone has their own needs and limits and that’s ok - you have to find someone whose needs align with yours. As many a single woman will tell you, if you are looking for a partner, don’t hook up with someone casually thinking they will change their mind.
I keep hearing things like, all these women couldn't have possibly dealt with sexual harassment. ...
Melind comments on Jun 21, 2018:
The statistic is that 1out of every 5 women (and many children)are sexually harrassed or assaulted in their lifetimes. #metoo. It is epidemic. I am reading a book of essays published by the author Roxanne Gay called "Not That Bad". So good.
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 21, 2018:
Pretty sure it’s that1 in 5 experience some unwanted sexual (physical) contact. Probably closer to 90-98% experience verbal harassment at some point.
How can someone like me meet new people?
A2Jennifer comments on Jun 17, 2018:
I suggest joining Meetup and looking for groups with your interests. My area also has atheist meet ups which is how I met my best friends.
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 18, 2018:
@Sticks48 meetup.com is a website where people can create groups with any theme they like and organize get-togethers for members. You can limit how far from you and pick/browse interests. It’s a great way to meet people.
Don’t fall for it.
A2Jennifer comments on Jun 16, 2018:
Especially common in religious communities. You are supposed to stay married NO MATTER WHAT and abuse is no exception.
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 17, 2018:
@CarolinaGirl60 when you think about it, evangelicalism and other highly restrictive religions use the same methods as abusers - control, gaslighting, victim blaming. No wonder they don’t want anyone getting the idea to leave situations that are unhealthy or abusive.
Supreme Court allows Ohio's and other state's voter purges. [abcnews.go.com]
A2Jennifer comments on Jun 11, 2018:
That SUCKS. Carefully times to remove people who are newly motivated to get to the polls by the current political situation.
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 12, 2018:
@kmdskit3 only if they vote for your side, apparently.
I declare that today was actually Thursday! Not feeling Monday this week. Who’s with me?
Rugglesby comments on Jun 12, 2018:
It must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays. Of course the TV series was so much better than the movie. https://youtu.be/YWWiDKKWDQw?t=99
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 12, 2018:
I just read that book! Movie next!
I declare that today was actually Thursday! Not feeling Monday this week. Who’s with me?
filthyMONKEYmen comments on Jun 12, 2018:
Could someone call my boss and inform him?
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 12, 2018:
I’m on it!
I declare that today was actually Thursday! Not feeling Monday this week. Who’s with me?
BigBoMclain comments on Jun 12, 2018:
Well..unfortunately one person alone can't simply "declare" one day of the week becomes another unless you have the following.You have to have one valid and one invalid driver's license, a Purchase Order with a Notary signature, one tuna can lid with expiration date 6/17/93 a note from your mother, ...
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 12, 2018:
Damn, I knew my incantation was missing an ingredient!
How has abuse affected your dating and relationships? I see red flags everywhere; I’m so ...
A2Jennifer comments on Jun 6, 2018:
It’s been 3 years andI have hardly even dated. I have not had a relationship. I have not been intimate with anyone. I am still trying to un-fuck my head, learning that I am not a bad person and it IS ok to ask for what I need. My ex, of course, moved on quickly to someone else to meet his needs ...
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 10, 2018:
@CarolinaGirl60 no contact is the one I struggle with. He owes me $. A lot of it. In my head I know that asking, pushing, insisting isn’t going to work but every month I get bills to remind me of how he made a mess of my life and left me to deal with it.
There is so much to learn & we haven't even scratched the surface yet.
nicknotes comments on Jun 9, 2018:
I at first thought this was some type of a "con"....but I googled hemp and radiation and there is a beneficial effect of growing hemp to purify soil affected by radiation.
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 9, 2018:
No kidding! Too bad the fed makes it so unnecessarily difficult to do research on marijuana.
People who are mentally ill are not selfish. They are suffering and struggling with something that ...
NickiBrent comments on Jun 9, 2018:
Can you not suffer and struggle with something overwhelmingly painful AND be selfish?
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 9, 2018:
Of course they are not mutually exclusive. But suffering from depression, and even choosing to die by suicide, does not MAKE someone selfish.
Only in the aftermath and recovery from a marriage to a narcissistic-sociopath, did I realize that ...
EdEarl comments on Jun 7, 2018:
Having lived with a controlling father, will you find it difficult to have a relationship with someone who negotiates instead of expecting you to follow. Will such a person seem weak and lack confidence, instead of seeming confident enough for you to contribute?
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 7, 2018:
I hope not. I have never been in a healthy relationship. The abusive boyfriend became my husband. I always attempted to discuss and negotiate, but was always told that it was selfish/mean/controlling for me to ask for what I needed. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be with someone who considers anyone’s needs important besides his own.
99% of school shootings were done by males . How do we get them to stop ?
A2Jennifer comments on Jun 6, 2018:
I think it’s notable that the is a uniquely white, male and American phenomenon. It seems that many of these young men feel that 1) they are entitled to attention/liking/approval from classmates and that 2)they believe that violence is an acceptable response when they are denied what they want.
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 7, 2018:
@FallenAngel63 a related phenomenon I think
99% of school shootings were done by males . How do we get them to stop ?
Chris5468 comments on Jun 6, 2018:
The boys that do these shootings seem to be mentally disturbed or unstable.
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 6, 2018:
@jlynn37 I would say by definition someone who shoots up a school is disturbed. It’s like asking if a mother who murdered her children is mentally ill - OF COURSE she is no sane person would do that. That’s not to say that mental illness is the cause here. All countries have mentally ill, but the school massacre phenomenon is uniquely American.
Which abuse affects you most deeply; why, and how are you coping? Also vote on what type/s affected...
memorylikeasieve comments on Jun 6, 2018:
I've experienced a lot of mental and some physical abuse and I have to say the mental affected me a lot more. There were many times when I wished they'd just hit me, instead.
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 6, 2018:
I get that. My ex never hit me - he had better ways of controlling me and couldn’t be sure he could control what happened if he hit me. If he had hit me, I would’ve left. If he’d hit me, I would’ve known it was abuse. Instead he spent years breaking me down and gaslighting me into believing that it was normal/my fault. It’s been 3 years and I still doubt my own judgement.
Is it a comedians job to be vulgar sometimes?
A2Jennifer comments on Jun 1, 2018:
Yes. If it was always between the lines it wouldn’t be funny.
A2Jennifer replies on Jun 2, 2018:
@birdingnut I said nothing of the kind.
Gentlemen, could you please give me some insight concerning unsolicited pictures of male genitalia? ...
A2Jennifer comments on May 28, 2018:
Is this happening through Tinder, by chance? My friend quit Tinder for mainly that reason. I have not encountered it on other sites.
A2Jennifer replies on May 31, 2018:
@MermaidSuzy888 wow that sucks.
Why would a white woman in Oakland,CA, waste the time of the 911 emergency ops over a non-life and ...
A2Jennifer comments on May 12, 2018:
There have been a disturbing number of situations like this in the news recently - white people calling police because the presence of brown people made them uncomfortable. Situations where the police never would’ve been called if they had involved white people - For grilling, golfing, touring a ...
A2Jennifer replies on May 13, 2018:
@sarahjustme no, it probably isn’t an increase in incidence, only that the media is talking about it more.
People in general: Good or Bad? The experiences in life differ from one human to the next. With ...
A2Jennifer comments on May 10, 2018:
In my experience, how a person answers a question like this tells you more about them than about the world.
A2Jennifer replies on May 11, 2018:
@SeeMeFading thanks for demonstrating my point.
Today I Got to Use My Medical Cannabis Card!
Katrik comments on Apr 27, 2018:
While I have no doubt that it helps people. I doubt I would opt to use it myself. I don't like mind altering substances. I don't even drink for that reason. I hope the government eases restrictions on research so the painkilling effects could eventually be separated from the rest of it.
A2Jennifer replies on Apr 27, 2018:
There are forms that don’t have the paychoactive properties now. CBD oil (cannabinoid) does not have THC, which is what makes you feel high, and is used for seizures and migraines and some other things.
Has anyone here had a problem quitting cigarettes? I smoked for over 50 years and if I'd known it ...
kiramea comments on Apr 24, 2018:
I quit cold turkey with no problem, however I am quite aware that not everyone can do that. My then boyfriend was looking into Chantix. After reading about all the psychological effects (and his malignant narcissism), I advised him to reconsider. I knew without a doubt that if he had any adverse ...
A2Jennifer replies on Apr 25, 2018:
Familiar- I quit after smoking about 10 years. Do not have addictive personality so it wasn’t that hard for me. My ex was (is, I’m sure) a narcissist/sociopath and Chantix dangerously exacerbated his depression. He didn’t want to smoke - he also didn’t want to eat, have sex, have fun, or live.
FOOOOOD!!!
Amy0825 comments on Apr 19, 2018:
Tried squid once. Ugh.
A2Jennifer replies on Apr 19, 2018:
When I was in middle school they had us dissect squid. Then cooked some on a bunson burner. ?
Estranged Children
stinkeye_a comments on Apr 9, 2018:
My father is a manipulative, egomaniacal narcissist. The only things he ever gave me willingly were his disapproval and disappointment. When I visited him almost 20 years ago he tried to pin the blame for our lack of relationship on *me*. I was totally done at that point. We haven't spoken in ...
A2Jennifer replies on Apr 17, 2018:
@stinkeye_a it’s true - it is impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone so deeply toxic.
Estranged Children
stinkeye_a comments on Apr 9, 2018:
My father is a manipulative, egomaniacal narcissist. The only things he ever gave me willingly were his disapproval and disappointment. When I visited him almost 20 years ago he tried to pin the blame for our lack of relationship on *me*. I was totally done at that point. We haven't spoken in ...
A2Jennifer replies on Apr 12, 2018:
In my experience, many cases of parent-child estrangement involve personality disorders of this type on one or both sides. People with disorders on this axis (narcissism, sociopathy, borderline personality) have a few things in common - lack of empathy and inability to see others’ perspectives, controlling and manipulative personalities, and rigid behavior that they are unwilling to change. It’s a set of characteristics that is incompatible with healthy relationships.
Does online dating actually result in long term happy relationships? What is your personal ...
AnneWimsey comments on Mar 23, 2018:
How is being rejected in real life any different from being rejected online, exactly? Statistics say, you will kiss 80 or more frogs before one turns into a prince, and online just widens the pond. 1. Learn to read profiles like you would read real estate ads ("convenient"= next to a Walmart, ...
A2Jennifer replies on Apr 8, 2018:
Completely agree here - you have to realize that the vast majority of people are not a good fit. And give enough time within-line conversation to let him reveal if he’s a jerk (6-10 messages exchanged usually does it) but don’t delay meeting too long (more than a couple of weeks) so you know if there’s potential for chemistry. Also, *I* totally get that you were giving s silly example with “Willing to relocate.”
Follow up to "A Major Milestone" post. I had a first date today with a guy I met through a dating ...
crappyburglar comments on Apr 8, 2018:
You would have no interest in going out with me, given. I would have no interest in going out with you. You don't understand a compliment when it offered to you. He thought you were pretty from your photo, and then was pleasantly surprised when you are even prettier than he imagined. You get ...
A2Jennifer replies on Apr 8, 2018:
He said “I wouldn’t mind being seen with you.”
What's a nice and natural way of opening a conversation?
sassygirl3869 comments on Apr 7, 2018:
You can say hi to someone in Messenger here.. I get them all the time.
A2Jennifer replies on Apr 7, 2018:
But I NEVER respond to a guy who just writes “Hi.” I assume he is sending that to every woman he would sleep with, because it is the barest minimum effort.
What skill or talent do you wish you had?
CallMeDave comments on Apr 7, 2018:
Multi lingual and juggling
A2Jennifer replies on Apr 7, 2018:
These are two skills I have never been able to acquire. My dad picks up languages relatively easily - even in his 70s, but I don’t seem to have the knack. As for juggling, I’ve tried, but I am a natural born klutz!
Have you ever: served on jury duty?
A2Jennifer comments on Apr 1, 2018:
I was on a jury for a civil case. We were told that the defendant had already been found liable, and it was our job to determine the amount of the damages to be awarded. It turned out that the defendant was found liable not based on the facts of the case, but because neither he nor his lawyer showed...
A2Jennifer replies on Apr 6, 2018:
@atheist you don’t get a public defender in a civil case. The guy barely spoke English and ended up representing himself. The court found against him on a technicality, not because of evidence that he was actually at fault, and we had to assign a value to the plaintiff’s loss without all of the information. It just wasn’t something I felt good about.
Have you ever: served on jury duty?
A2Jennifer comments on Apr 1, 2018:
I was on a jury for a civil case. We were told that the defendant had already been found liable, and it was our job to determine the amount of the damages to be awarded. It turned out that the defendant was found liable not based on the facts of the case, but because neither he nor his lawyer showed...
A2Jennifer replies on Apr 4, 2018:
@atheist yes, that was the assumption. But it was more complicated than that. His lawyer quit because he couldn’t afford to pay him.
Have you ever: served on jury duty?
Stephanie1961 comments on Apr 1, 2018:
No! I want to though. I am a Social Worker and it seems we get screened out due to our natural scales of Justice and inclined to be a little over empathetic toward victims. I've been a registered voter since age 18. I've been included in the jury pool but never make it as a seated jurror. During...
A2Jennifer replies on Apr 1, 2018:
They ask you when the go through the jurors and it would be at least unethical, if not illegal, to lie to the court.
What character traits indicate someone is a "good" person?
Nurse-Quantros comments on Apr 1, 2018:
Brutal, unflinching honesty.
A2Jennifer replies on Apr 1, 2018:
I disagree. When people yield “honesty” as a weapon, it is not noble or good. It is simply trying to hold up cruelty as a virtue.
Ever done things to please others?
A2Jennifer comments on Mar 31, 2018:
I was married to a narcissist sociopath. He often manipulated me into violating my boundaries and sacrificing my well-being for his benefit. It was a lot of years of misery.
A2Jennifer replies on Apr 1, 2018:
@lacrossa1228 yep. I came to believe that I was ok with knowing I would never have anything I wanted as long as I was with him, that I was ok with living my life to make him happy. In hindsight, it took a lot of years of him telling me that’s what I *should* want and that if I didn’t, that I “didn’t really love him” for me to be convinced of those things.
Stephen King fan here. His novels have chilled me but most of his horror stories adapted to ...
Chefedone comments on Mar 29, 2018:
I have two favorites The Exorcist and Silence of the Lambs
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 29, 2018:
Neither of those was Stephen King.
Why do men get so mad when they get rejected?
A2Jennifer comments on Mar 19, 2018:
For the men saying “not all men,” or “women too.” OF COURSE not all men. OF COURSE women sometimes get nasty about rejection too. The thing is that it is SCARY as a woman. it represents a danger to our physical safety when a man gets angry in a situation that, by the way, we probably ...
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 20, 2018:
@Troy seriously, though, your answer to men being abusive when turned down is for women to understand men better. Women actually understand men relatively well (relative to men understanding women) because we HAVE to understand men because, again, our safety and survival depends on it.
What are your thoughts on psychological disabilities?
A2Jennifer comments on Mar 16, 2018:
This is tricky to me - and I work in mental health. While I support some accommodations being made so that people can be successful, they are likely to find upon entering the workplace that exceptions/excuses are not given in the real world.
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 16, 2018:
@btroje I completely agree that as humans with empathy we should help people wherever we can. I’m just not sure that we are always doing service to young people by making accommodations that will not be available in the real world. Extra time to complete a test? No problem. But we also need to recognize our limitations as we choose paths for ourselves in life.
Teachers + guns. I think it's a shit idea. What do you think?
Leutrelle comments on Mar 12, 2018:
I have a concealed carry licence. The worst case senereo that I can think of is to be a teacher,, and carry in a school. I would hate to be disarmed by a couple of very powerfull students! Teachers have to build rapport with the students, and a gun wouldn't help develope that kind of relationship. ...
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 12, 2018:
My son is in college studying to be a music teacher. He said “how am I supposed to connect with students if I’m carrying a gun?”
Teachers + guns. I think it's a shit idea. What do you think?
Catalaya22 comments on Mar 12, 2018:
I believe it's a really bad idea 1.) because the school boards have already cut so many budgets and now all of a sudden there's money to give all faculty members a glock??? Really?? and 2.) Who's to say the teacher would not turn it against one of the students, I know for a fact that one of th ...
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 12, 2018:
Just about everyone had seen a teacher completely loose their shit. I wouldn’t want them to be armed when that happened.
Teachers + guns. I think it's a shit idea. What do you think?
Myah comments on Mar 12, 2018:
I think you have to take into account ALL gun deaths. Not those just from mass shootings. So taking into account accidental gun death rates, even if you mitigated mass shootings (which I don’t think the data is there to prove that case), you would still have a higher death toll due to gun ...
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 12, 2018:
More suicides are completed with guns than by any other means. It being such an effective and final means makes it the most deadly.
Some people seek the truth. Some seek confirmation Some just seek recreation. Some are not in a ...
Sarahroo29 comments on Mar 11, 2018:
I'm seeking happiness. Soon it will be found.
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 11, 2018:
Happiness is a feeling, not a destination!
Does anyone else get: “ You can’t be an Atheist, you’re so nice and friendly”? It’s like ...
AmiSue comments on Mar 10, 2018:
That's one of the perks of being atheist - I AM nice and friendly, even moral! And telling a theist who knows me that I am atheist rattles their cage, maybe teaches them something new about us heathens.
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 10, 2018:
I agree I think it helps for people to know that the nice, helpful person they know is an atheist, to break some of their stereotypes.
If you're not married, would you marry again? Never say never, of course. But at the moment I can't ...
Gwendolyn2018 comments on Mar 9, 2018:
I was married for 25 years. I also lived with a man for seven years after I ended my marriage. My last two boyfriends wanted to get married or at least live together. No. I have lived alone for well over a decade. I like to come and go as I like, I like to be in charge of MY money, and I like to eat...
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 10, 2018:
Been there SO true @Cast1es
Why Women Aged 35 45 Are Single and Unhappy The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness - YouTube
DJVJ311 comments on Feb 18, 2018:
At my uncle's house, so I can't watch the video now, but there is another side to the issue. Personally, when I am really interested. In a girl, I make it easy for her to reject me right out. I will talk to a girl in front of her friends, even of mixed gender. I want a girl to say "Fuck off ...
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 9, 2018:
They might, but many women find it is easier to say “I have a boyfriend” because men respect the “property” of another man more than they respect the non-interest of a woman. @ElizabethI
Why Women Aged 35 45 Are Single and Unhappy The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness - YouTube
SKDeitch comments on Mar 2, 2018:
I have serious doubts that that the described conversation ever took place.
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 9, 2018:
Maybe not exactly as described, but this experience is universal to women - men taking offense when they are politely rejected and saying all kinds of nasty things about the woman.
If you're not married, would you marry again? Never say never, of course. But at the moment I can't ...
Gwendolyn2018 comments on Mar 9, 2018:
I was married for 25 years. I also lived with a man for seven years after I ended my marriage. My last two boyfriends wanted to get married or at least live together. No. I have lived alone for well over a decade. I like to come and go as I like, I like to be in charge of MY money, and I like to eat...
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 9, 2018:
It’s only selfish if you do what you want at the expense of others. But if you are unwilling to compromise ever to meet a partner’s needs, then you probably shouldn’t have a partner.
Christian Family Values: Anti marriage equality, Pro-forced child marriage!
A2Jennifer comments on Mar 7, 2018:
Had this conversation with someone the other day. Thee is NO circumstance in which a 14-year-old getting married is to the benefit of that child. It is exploitive, it is predatory, it is child abuse.
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 9, 2018:
Completely agreed. At 14 I thought my older boyfriend and I were on par in terms of maturity. As an adult, I see that he used it to manipulate me, by telling me that I “didn’t know anything” about relationships and “real life.” @mordant
Christian Family Values: Anti marriage equality, Pro-forced child marriage!
RavenCT comments on Mar 7, 2018:
This is the stuff that wants to tip me over from "Atheist" to "Rampaging Atheist against reglious people.".
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 7, 2018:
I just try to remember that this perverse belief system is a very small segment of Christians, like ISIS represents only a small segment of Muslims.
Christian Family Values: Anti marriage equality, Pro-forced child marriage!
icolan comments on Mar 7, 2018:
I don't even think this should be a fight of atheist vs religious, I think this should be a fight of compassionate human vs horrible, crazy, monsters.
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 7, 2018:
But it is exclusive to religions to claim that it is RIGHT to marry or have sex with children. Most pedophiles know that they are perverts and deviants but it takes a religious fanatic to claim that it’s ok because god says so @MikeInBatonRouge
For those of you who drink bulletproof coffee, can you share your best recipes? How do you "blend" ...
Wrytyr comments on Mar 4, 2018:
I just want straight coffee in a French press, 4 scoops coarse ground coffee, 3 packets Sweet & Low, add boiling water, gently stir, steep 4+ minutes, press, pour, enjoy. I don't need no mochoa cappuccino-frappuccino crap. (photo credit: me)
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 6, 2018:
I am a coffee snob - I use an instant read thermometer to obtain the perfect brewing temp! @Wrytyr
What are you most looking for in a relationship? Just your 1 Thing
johnnyroxx comments on Oct 18, 2017:
Someone that likes to laugh, is curious, and independent.
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 6, 2018:
Silly faces? No, @ProudHeathen
For those of you who drink bulletproof coffee, can you share your best recipes? How do you "blend" ...
Wrytyr comments on Mar 4, 2018:
I just want straight coffee in a French press, 4 scoops coarse ground coffee, 3 packets Sweet & Low, add boiling water, gently stir, steep 4+ minutes, press, pour, enjoy. I don't need no mochoa cappuccino-frappuccino crap. (photo credit: me)
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 6, 2018:
i suggest you might try less-than-boiling water. I use 175 for French roast, a bit lower for Italian, to extract all the flavor but never burn the (freshly ground) beans.
Are most agnostics intelligent and left-leaning?
JeffB comments on Mar 3, 2018:
Most atheist and agnostics I know are liberal. I know a few libertarian types too, but yeah, most are. I'm in New Orleans, which is a blue city in a red state so I don't know if that has anything to do with it.
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 4, 2018:
I agree on encouraging mixing of groups, but don’t think immigrant enclaves are the problem. It’s the Americans who are already here who need to be exposed to people who are different - immigrants can’t help but encounter people who are different from them, even if they spend much of their time in areas with concentrations of immigrants. These communities are functional and preserve some of their culture and heritage. pushing people out of those areas, might force them to assimilate faster, but comes at a cost. @kauva
how do you feel about the different genders and types of people coming out in the past few years? ...
Gnarloc comments on Mar 3, 2018:
On the one hand: live and let live. On another hand: I am hetero. I would like there to be a way to know that I am dating someone with the genetalia I am interested in. Not to put too fine a point on it... I teach. There are students who want to be have gender neutral pronouns: they/them. ...
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 3, 2018:
It’s about “insisting that we respect eachother.” THANK YOU well said!
how do you feel about the different genders and types of people coming out in the past few years? ...
Taijiguy comments on Mar 3, 2018:
No evidence of religious beliefs so "nah" Science says there's two genders, "oh, I don't believe that"
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 3, 2018:
Actually, science recognizes many variations in biological sex. Many people are born intersex (with physical characteristics of both sexes), people are born with more than two chromosomes (XXY or XYY) and occasionally people are born with chromosomes that don’t match their external genitalia. So, it is not always clear how people fit into biological sex categories, let alone how they identify themselves.
Are most agnostics intelligent and left-leaning?
JeffB comments on Mar 3, 2018:
Most atheist and agnostics I know are liberal. I know a few libertarian types too, but yeah, most are. I'm in New Orleans, which is a blue city in a red state so I don't know if that has anything to do with it.
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 3, 2018:
I find it interesting that MOST cities are blue regardless of the political leaning of the state. One reason is the type of people who are attracted to the city lifestyle. Another theory is that people who regularly encounter people who are different them develop more of the empathy that is associated with liberal beliefs.
Are most agnostics intelligent and left-leaning?
resserts comments on Mar 3, 2018:
I think atheists and agnostics generally tend to be more left-leaning because conservative views more often entail an allegiance to traditions like religious practice — but that doesn't mean there aren't a fair number of conservative atheists as well, only that the balance seems to be tilted ...
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 3, 2018:
Well-said. Unlike some on this site, I am also loathe to label all believers as ignorant, unintelligent or mentally unstable.
Punctuated Equilibrium in Homo Sapiens
A2Jennifer comments on Mar 2, 2018:
Hmm this is a concept I am not familiar with. But I have heard that humans are evolving faster than ever before, so you raise an interesting point.
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 3, 2018:
Yeah I don’t think wisdom is part of the evolution of species, only the evolution of the individual! @Gert
Twice now on this site I have encountered a post that was posed as a question, but it became ...
JackPedigo comments on Mar 1, 2018:
Many of us have experienced this. Several topics are ripe for this behavior: guns, food choices and immigration. It can come from eith the left or right. I try to comment if there is a chance of some reason being used. Often it is, as you said, just name calling and bullying so I ignore the person. ...
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 2, 2018:
Of course that’s true. The difference is probably more in the content of the attacks than the frequency. @JackPedigo
Religion is it fair to assume that if you believe in God or God's that is you're right as a member ...
JohnnyMiller comments on Mar 1, 2018:
The fact that it's illegal in 13 states for an atheist to hold a government office in a country founded on the separation of church and state, I have no issues with religion until it's used to oppress other people.
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 1, 2018:
Completely agree
Twice now on this site I have encountered a post that was posed as a question, but it became ...
DUCHESSA comments on Mar 1, 2018:
No need to report a members....You can block him / her or simply ignore whatever that person is saying.
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 1, 2018:
I think I would be inclined to report only if the person was clearly abusive. One case was not and the other was borderline.
Twice now on this site I have encountered a post that was posed as a question, but it became ...
JackPedigo comments on Mar 1, 2018:
Many of us have experienced this. Several topics are ripe for this behavior: guns, food choices and immigration. It can come from eith the left or right. I try to comment if there is a chance of some reason being used. Often it is, as you said, just name calling and bullying so I ignore the person. ...
A2Jennifer replies on Mar 1, 2018:
Interesting that you raise that point. I’ll just say that the post was related to a “women’s issue” and the poster in question asserted that it was sexist for women to have a right without an equivalent right being granted to men.
Why do pro-choice women not support a mans right to reproductivity?
dahermit comments on Feb 25, 2018:
The law has always favored the woman when it comes to assessing responsibility for a child's financial support because the law protects the government in general and does not want the government to be stuck with the bill for support the child. The male is seen as the more lucrative scapegoat. ...
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 28, 2018:
Yes, I do. And what you are advocating is just as bad. @dahermit
Why do so many men find it unbelievably difficult to talk to women as people rather than as a ...
XchazboX comments on Feb 24, 2018:
Maybe men have been conditioned by our society to veiw women as property, incubators, mothers, sisters daughters but not as equals
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 28, 2018:
Sad but true.
Why do pro-choice women not support a mans right to reproductivity?
dahermit comments on Feb 25, 2018:
The law has always favored the woman when it comes to assessing responsibility for a child's financial support because the law protects the government in general and does not want the government to be stuck with the bill for support the child. The male is seen as the more lucrative scapegoat. ...
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 28, 2018:
I removed the personal attack because on consideration, that’s not the kind of discourse I want to have. But the point stands that what you propose is morally reprehensible. It is ethically equivalent to a woman telling her partner that she is on birth control when she really is not. @dahermit
Why do pro-choice women not support a mans right to reproductivity?
A2Jennifer comments on Feb 25, 2018:
It’s not “special rights.” The person with the uterus gets to decide what the uterus does. Women expect and are entitled to equality, but the circumstances cannot be the SAME - that is the nature of biology. Everyone who participated in the making of a baby is responsible for bearing the ...
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 27, 2018:
Seriously? Women shouldn’t be allowed to have abortions unless men can also get them because it’s not “fair”? @jorj
Why do pro-choice women not support a mans right to reproductivity?
dahermit comments on Feb 25, 2018:
The law has always favored the woman when it comes to assessing responsibility for a child's financial support because the law protects the government in general and does not want the government to be stuck with the bill for support the child. The male is seen as the more lucrative scapegoat. ...
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 26, 2018:
You don’t have to have children. You don’t have to want children. But actively deceiving and making decisions for other people, especially someone you are engaged in a relationship with, that is just not ok. @dahermit
Why do pro-choice women not support a mans right to reproductivity?
A2Jennifer comments on Feb 25, 2018:
It’s not “special rights.” The person with the uterus gets to decide what the uterus does. Women expect and are entitled to equality, but the circumstances cannot be the SAME - that is the nature of biology. Everyone who participated in the making of a baby is responsible for bearing the ...
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 26, 2018:
It doesn’t work like that. Because, biology. If you create a child, you are responsible for it. You don’t get to opt out of providing for a child you create. @jorj
Why do pro-choice women not support a mans right to reproductivity?
DJVJ311 comments on Feb 25, 2018:
Biologically speaking, a man gains paternal responsibility by contributing the sperm. The women gains maternal responsibility by providing both the egg and the uterus. This is why there are all sorts of legal constructs around surrogacy and adoptions where the couple provides funding before the ...
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 25, 2018:
You could just as well say that women having to carry a child to term with all of its many consequences is “sexism.” It’s actually just biology. Women choosing not to carry a pregnancy is not “off the hook.” Abortion vs childbearing is a decision with its own consequences that, in many cases, women bear alone. @jorj
Why do pro-choice women not support a mans right to reproductivity?
dahermit comments on Feb 25, 2018:
The law has always favored the woman when it comes to assessing responsibility for a child's financial support because the law protects the government in general and does not want the government to be stuck with the bill for support the child. The male is seen as the more lucrative scapegoat. ...
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 25, 2018:
Wow that’s appalling. “Get a vasectomy and don’t tell partners about it”? How about, choose a partner who has the same desire or lack of desire for children. How about NOT hiding a huge life altering fact from the other human being in your relationship?
What books are you all reading right now?
A2Jennifer comments on Feb 24, 2018:
I am halfway through Jane Eyre because it’s one of those books you’re “supposed to” read. I am also proofreading a book that will be released in May.
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 25, 2018:
Honestly, I’m finding it a bit... slow. Was kind of relieved to have an excuse to take a break. But I hate to not finish a book so i’ll Get back to it when I finish the other one @Ori89
There's lots to complain about okcupid and such dating sites but I'm REALLY glad they include ...
crazycat329 comments on Feb 23, 2018:
As soon as I see "I'm a god fearing man", "I'm looking for a woman who shares my faith", "My religion is very important to me", etc, I'm history....so glad those questions are there. I even write in my profile that I'm non-religious, and still get bible thumpers hitting on me.Jeez !!!
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 23, 2018:
Yeah when they are are a “95% match” but the other 5% is Catholic. Ugh.
What 3-8 traits do you value most in a potential lifetime partner? For instance, do you value ...
evestrat comments on Feb 21, 2018:
1. Intellectual. I adore intelligence ... it's a turn on 2. Witty -- dry sense of humor is best; they at least smile at some of my dorky jokes and puns ... I'm hooked 3. Kind/Respectful 4. Engages in Reciprocity, and understands why this is important 5. Liberal, or at the "left-side of the ...
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 21, 2018:
All of these!
How do you handle talking to a parent when they are politically opposite of you?
UrsiMajor comments on Feb 18, 2018:
A conservative friend and I had a code phrase when things got heated. We would say, I like soup." And the other would reply, "I like soup, too." We knew not to even try talking politics.
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 18, 2018:
That’s AWESOME to remind eachother in an inside joke kind of way that you have things in common!
How long did it take you to get over your divorce? I am in the process of serving my husband, but ...
A2Jennifer comments on Feb 17, 2018:
I am almost 3 Years out from a very toxic marriage. I am still recovering, less from the divorce than from the 20 years of emotional abuse in the marriage. My ex moved on immediately (actually had been carrying on a relationship in secret while telling me we were trying to reconcile) and is already...
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 18, 2018:
@UrsiMajor that is actually something I have thought a lot about. We constantly get the message that marriage is a lifelong commitment, that divorce is a failure, that you should do whatever you can to make your marriage work. And in most situations I generally agree with that. But society does a disservice when we fail to say that none of that applies in cases of abuse - physical or psychological abuse.
How long did it take you to get over your divorce? I am in the process of serving my husband, but ...
A2Jennifer comments on Feb 17, 2018:
I am almost 3 Years out from a very toxic marriage. I am still recovering, less from the divorce than from the 20 years of emotional abuse in the marriage. My ex moved on immediately (actually had been carrying on a relationship in secret while telling me we were trying to reconcile) and is already...
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 18, 2018:
Thanks everyone for your kind words. I am actually really happy now. Still figuring out who I am without a narcissist telling me who to be. Enjoying having friends and interests and not feeling bad about not making my whole life about another person. I’ll date if someone comes along who really enhances my life. Until then, I am happy that every other aspect of my life is better than it ever would have been in that marriage. @tiffanny @bingst @ursiMajor @theIrishTexan @sciencebiker
How do you feel about (boy) scouting?
Marcie1974 comments on Feb 16, 2018:
Being a woman and having daughters I don't know as much about them as I maybe should. That being said, I won't buy their popcorn due to their discrimination.
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 18, 2018:
Girl Scouts is a totally separate organization and a great one. Aims at instilling skills and knowledge and independence and self esteem in girls.
How do you feel about supplements? Do you take them? Are you leery of them? The FDA doesn't ...
Paul628 comments on Feb 16, 2018:
One of my docs wrote me a prescription for a high-dose Vitamin D supplement. Insurance stopped covering it and the out of pocket cost was unreasonably high so I just started taking over the counter stuff. The doses are lower, but something is better than nothing I suppose.
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 17, 2018:
Yes, I think the current advice is to NOT try to meet vit D needs with unprotected sun exposure for that reason @FrayedBear
Unusual expressions. I once had a very nice boss who was from rural southern Illinois. It took a ...
stinkeye_a comments on Feb 17, 2018:
"I'll be go to hell!"
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 17, 2018:
That sounds like something a kid says when they are trying to learn how to swear, and they don’t know where the swear words go.
Another f@!king mass shooting here in America! At least 17 dead, 23 injured. What would it take to...
A2Jennifer comments on Feb 14, 2018:
It will never happen. If 25 dead little white kids didn’t move the needle on gun regulation, nothing ever will. People will continue to send empty “thoughts and prayers” and it will just get worse and worse.
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 17, 2018:
Uh huh. It’s racist to point out racism. Ok. Done with you. @Jack-of-scythes
What is your take on the 2 party system?
snytiger6 comments on Feb 12, 2018:
I really wonder why voters have to be registered with a political party to vote in the primaries. My ideal, would be that only politicians register as party members. Voters themselves would not be officially a part of any political party. In the primaries all voters would get to vote for the ...
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 16, 2018:
Voters don’t have to be registered with a party to vote in primaries in Michigan. You do only get to vote for one party in the primary, though. Last year a neighbor and I talked about whether we should cast party ballots for a republican (anyone other than Trump) just to try to keep a terrible candidate off the ballot. I also proposed (mostly joking) that we should be able to trade our regular vote for a negative vote. That is, rather than cast a ballot for one of the dozen other candidates, to use our vote to cancel one vote for Trump.
What is your take on the 2 party system?
WilliamCharles comments on Feb 12, 2018:
I would like to get money out of politics (publicly financed campaigns), and if ballot integrity could be ensured, some sort of ranked choice voting system. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Instant-runoff_voting
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 16, 2018:
I’ve heard about ranked ballots as a solution to the extreme positions that result from the current primary system.
How do you feel about supplements? Do you take them? Are you leery of them? The FDA doesn't ...
ChrisJones comments on Feb 16, 2018:
There are a few I take. I drink chamomile tea on a fairly regular basis. I do that for headaches. I have also used holy basil as well. It has a calming effect. There are a few others I have used. Won’t necessarily swear by any. Other than the two I mentioned. I have seen the effects on me ...
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 16, 2018:
@ChrisJones that’s great! Do you drink it daily for migraine prevention or use to treat when they onset?
How do you feel about supplements? Do you take them? Are you leery of them? The FDA doesn't ...
Paul628 comments on Feb 16, 2018:
One of my docs wrote me a prescription for a high-dose Vitamin D supplement. Insurance stopped covering it and the out of pocket cost was unreasonably high so I just started taking over the counter stuff. The doses are lower, but something is better than nothing I suppose.
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 16, 2018:
Nice thought but for those of us up around the 42nd latitude we just can’t get enough sunlight! @silvereyes
Another f@!king mass shooting here in America! At least 17 dead, 23 injured. What would it take to...
A2Jennifer comments on Feb 14, 2018:
It will never happen. If 25 dead little white kids didn’t move the needle on gun regulation, nothing ever will. People will continue to send empty “thoughts and prayers” and it will just get worse and worse.
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 16, 2018:
No way to know if your ignorance is intentional or not. The unfortunate reality is that many people assign the lives of white children more value than the lives of children of color. THAT is racism. Pointing it out is not. @Jack-of-scythes
Anyone here a psychotherapist?
RavenCT comments on Feb 15, 2018:
You might want to start with an "Intro to Psychology" book from your local library? Psychoanalysis goes strongly into Freud and was not a big turn on for me in the 1980's - I doubt there are any Freudians left in the US? But you never know. If you read an intro. book you'll have a good grasp ...
A2Jennifer replies on Feb 15, 2018:
Freud was a perv!

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Atheist, Humanist, Secularist, Skeptic, Freethinker
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