How can someone like me meet new people?

A2Jennifer comments on Jun 17, 2018:

I suggest joining Meetup and looking for groups with your interests. My area also has atheist meet ups which is how I met my best friends.

A2Jennifer replies on Jun 18, 2018:

@Sticks48 meetup.com is a website where people can create groups with any theme they like and organize get-togethers for members. You can limit how far from you and pick/browse interests. It’s a great way to meet people.

Don’t fall for it.

A2Jennifer comments on Jun 16, 2018:

Especially common in religious communities. You are supposed to stay married NO MATTER WHAT and abuse is no exception.

A2Jennifer replies on Jun 17, 2018:

@CarolinaGirl60 when you think about it, evangelicalism and other highly restrictive religions use the same methods as abusers - control, gaslighting, victim blaming. No wonder they don’t want anyone getting the idea to leave situations that are unhealthy or abusive.

Supreme Court allows Ohio's and other state's voter purges. [abcnews.go.com]

A2Jennifer comments on Jun 11, 2018:

That SUCKS. Carefully times to remove people who are newly motivated to get to the polls by the current political situation.

A2Jennifer replies on Jun 12, 2018:

@kmdskit3 only if they vote for your side, apparently.

I declare that today was actually Thursday! Not feeling Monday this week. Who’s with me?

Rugglesby comments on Jun 12, 2018:

It must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays. Of course the TV series was so much better than the movie. https://youtu.be/YWWiDKKWDQw?t=99

A2Jennifer replies on Jun 12, 2018:

I just read that book! Movie next!

I declare that today was actually Thursday! Not feeling Monday this week. Who’s with me?

filthyMONKEYmen comments on Jun 12, 2018:

Could someone call my boss and inform him?

A2Jennifer replies on Jun 12, 2018:

I’m on it!

I declare that today was actually Thursday! Not feeling Monday this week. Who’s with me?

BigBoMclain comments on Jun 12, 2018:

Well..unfortunately one person alone can't simply "declare" one day of the week becomes another unless you have the following.You have to have one valid and one invalid driver's license, a Purchase Order with a Notary signature, one tuna can lid with expiration date 6/17/93 a note from your mother, ...

A2Jennifer replies on Jun 12, 2018:

Damn, I knew my incantation was missing an ingredient!

How has abuse affected your dating and relationships?

A2Jennifer comments on Jun 6, 2018:

It’s been 3 years andI have hardly even dated. I have not had a relationship. I have not been intimate with anyone. I am still trying to un-fuck my head, learning that I am not a bad person and it IS ok to ask for what I need. My ex, of course, moved on quickly to someone else to meet his needs ...

A2Jennifer replies on Jun 10, 2018:

@CarolinaGirl60 no contact is the one I struggle with. He owes me $. A lot of it. In my head I know that asking, pushing, insisting isn’t going to work but every month I get bills to remind me of how he made a mess of my life and left me to deal with it.

There is so much to learn & we haven't even scratched the surface yet.

nicknotes comments on Jun 9, 2018:

I at first thought this was some type of a "con"....but I googled hemp and radiation and there is a beneficial effect of growing hemp to purify soil affected by radiation.

A2Jennifer replies on Jun 9, 2018:

No kidding! Too bad the fed makes it so unnecessarily difficult to do research on marijuana.

People who are mentally ill are not selfish.

NickiBrent comments on Jun 9, 2018:

Can you not suffer and struggle with something overwhelmingly painful AND be selfish?

A2Jennifer replies on Jun 9, 2018:

Of course they are not mutually exclusive. But suffering from depression, and even choosing to die by suicide, does not MAKE someone selfish.

Only in the aftermath and recovery from a marriage to a narcissistic-sociopath, did I realize that ...

EdEarl comments on Jun 7, 2018:

Having lived with a controlling father, will you find it difficult to have a relationship with someone who negotiates instead of expecting you to follow. Will such a person seem weak and lack confidence, instead of seeming confident enough for you to contribute?

A2Jennifer replies on Jun 7, 2018:

I hope not. I have never been in a healthy relationship. The abusive boyfriend became my husband. I always attempted to discuss and negotiate, but was always told that it was selfish/mean/controlling for me to ask for what I needed. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be with someone who considers anyone’s needs important besides his own.

99% of school shootings were done by males . How do we get them to stop ?

A2Jennifer comments on Jun 6, 2018:

I think it’s notable that the is a uniquely white, male and American phenomenon. It seems that many of these young men feel that 1) they are entitled to attention/liking/approval from classmates and that 2)they believe that violence is an acceptable response when they are denied what they want.

A2Jennifer replies on Jun 7, 2018:

@FallenAngel63 a related phenomenon I think

99% of school shootings were done by males . How do we get them to stop ?

Chris5468 comments on Jun 6, 2018:

The boys that do these shootings seem to be mentally disturbed or unstable.

A2Jennifer replies on Jun 6, 2018:

@jlynn37 I would say by definition someone who shoots up a school is disturbed. It’s like asking if a mother who murdered her children is mentally ill - OF COURSE she is no sane person would do that. That’s not to say that mental illness is the cause here. All countries have mentally ill, but the school massacre phenomenon is uniquely American.

Which abuse affects you most deeply; why, and how are you coping?

memorylikeasieve comments on Jun 6, 2018:

I've experienced a lot of mental and some physical abuse and I have to say the mental affected me a lot more. There were many times when I wished they'd just hit me, instead.

A2Jennifer replies on Jun 6, 2018:

I get that. My ex never hit me - he had better ways of controlling me and couldn’t be sure he could control what happened if he hit me. If he had hit me, I would’ve left. If he’d hit me, I would’ve known it was abuse. Instead he spent years breaking me down and gaslighting me into believing that it was normal/my fault. It’s been 3 years and I still doubt my own judgement.

Is it a comedians job to be vulgar sometimes?

A2Jennifer comments on Jun 1, 2018:

Yes. If it was always between the lines it wouldn’t be funny.

A2Jennifer replies on Jun 2, 2018:

@birdingnut I said nothing of the kind.

Gentlemen, could you please give me some insight concerning unsolicited pictures of male genitalia?

A2Jennifer comments on May 28, 2018:

Is this happening through Tinder, by chance? My friend quit Tinder for mainly that reason. I have not encountered it on other sites.

A2Jennifer replies on May 31, 2018:

@MermaidSuzy888 wow that sucks.

Why would a white woman in Oakland,CA, waste the time of the 911 emergency ops over a non-life and ...

A2Jennifer comments on May 12, 2018:

There have been a disturbing number of situations like this in the news recently - white people calling police because the presence of brown people made them uncomfortable. Situations where the police never would’ve been called if they had involved white people - For grilling, golfing, touring a ...

A2Jennifer replies on May 13, 2018:

@sarahjustme no, it probably isn’t an increase in incidence, only that the media is talking about it more.

People in general: Good or Bad?

A2Jennifer comments on May 10, 2018:

In my experience, how a person answers a question like this tells you more about them than about the world.

A2Jennifer replies on May 11, 2018:

@SeeMeFading thanks for demonstrating my point.

Today I Got to Use My Medical Cannabis Card!

Katrik comments on Apr 27, 2018:

While I have no doubt that it helps people. I doubt I would opt to use it myself. I don't like mind altering substances. I don't even drink for that reason. I hope the government eases restrictions on research so the painkilling effects could eventually be separated from the rest of it.

A2Jennifer replies on Apr 27, 2018:

There are forms that don’t have the paychoactive properties now. CBD oil (cannabinoid) does not have THC, which is what makes you feel high, and is used for seizures and migraines and some other things.

Has anyone here had a problem quitting cigarettes?

kiramea comments on Apr 24, 2018:

I quit cold turkey with no problem, however I am quite aware that not everyone can do that. My then boyfriend was looking into Chantix. After reading about all the psychological effects (and his malignant narcissism), I advised him to reconsider. I knew without a doubt that if he had any adverse ...

A2Jennifer replies on Apr 25, 2018:

Familiar- I quit after smoking about 10 years. Do not have addictive personality so it wasn’t that hard for me. My ex was (is, I’m sure) a narcissist/sociopath and Chantix dangerously exacerbated his depression. He didn’t want to smoke - he also didn’t want to eat, have sex, have fun, or live.

FOOOOOD!!!

Amy0825 comments on Apr 19, 2018:

Tried squid once. Ugh.

A2Jennifer replies on Apr 19, 2018:

When I was in middle school they had us dissect squid. Then cooked some on a bunson burner. ?

Estranged Children

stinkeye_a comments on Apr 9, 2018:

My father is a manipulative, egomaniacal narcissist. The only things he ever gave me willingly were his disapproval and disappointment. When I visited him almost 20 years ago he tried to pin the blame for our lack of relationship on *me*. I was totally done at that point. We haven't spoken in ...

A2Jennifer replies on Apr 17, 2018:

@stinkeye_a it’s true - it is impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone so deeply toxic.

Estranged Children

stinkeye_a comments on Apr 9, 2018:

My father is a manipulative, egomaniacal narcissist. The only things he ever gave me willingly were his disapproval and disappointment. When I visited him almost 20 years ago he tried to pin the blame for our lack of relationship on *me*. I was totally done at that point. We haven't spoken in ...

A2Jennifer replies on Apr 12, 2018:

In my experience, many cases of parent-child estrangement involve personality disorders of this type on one or both sides. People with disorders on this axis (narcissism, sociopathy, borderline personality) have a few things in common - lack of empathy and inability to see others’ perspectives, controlling and manipulative personalities, and rigid behavior that they are unwilling to change. It’s a set of characteristics that is incompatible with healthy relationships.

Does online dating actually result in long term happy relationships?

AnneWimsey comments on Mar 23, 2018:

How is being rejected in real life any different from being rejected online, exactly? Statistics say, you will kiss 80 or more frogs before one turns into a prince, and online just widens the pond. 1. Learn to read profiles like you would read real estate ads ("convenient"= next to a Walmart, ...

A2Jennifer replies on Apr 8, 2018:

Completely agree here - you have to realize that the vast majority of people are not a good fit. And give enough time within-line conversation to let him reveal if he’s a jerk (6-10 messages exchanged usually does it) but don’t delay meeting too long (more than a couple of weeks) so you know if there’s potential for chemistry. Also, *I* totally get that you were giving s silly example with “Willing to relocate.”

Follow up to "A Major Milestone" post.

crappyburglar comments on Apr 8, 2018:

You would have no interest in going out with me, given. I would have no interest in going out with you. You don't understand a compliment when it offered to you. He thought you were pretty from your photo, and then was pleasantly surprised when you are even prettier than he imagined. You get ...

A2Jennifer replies on Apr 8, 2018:

He said “I wouldn’t mind being seen with you.”

What's a nice and natural way of opening a conversation?

sassygirl3869 comments on Apr 7, 2018:

You can say hi to someone in Messenger here.. I get them all the time.

A2Jennifer replies on Apr 7, 2018:

But I NEVER respond to a guy who just writes “Hi.” I assume he is sending that to every woman he would sleep with, because it is the barest minimum effort.

What skill or talent do you wish you had?

CallMeDave comments on Apr 7, 2018:

Multi lingual and juggling

A2Jennifer replies on Apr 7, 2018:

These are two skills I have never been able to acquire. My dad picks up languages relatively easily - even in his 70s, but I don’t seem to have the knack. As for juggling, I’ve tried, but I am a natural born klutz!

Have you ever: served on jury duty?

A2Jennifer comments on Apr 1, 2018:

I was on a jury for a civil case. We were told that the defendant had already been found liable, and it was our job to determine the amount of the damages to be awarded. It turned out that the defendant was found liable not based on the facts of the case, but because neither he nor his lawyer showed...

A2Jennifer replies on Apr 6, 2018:

@atheist you don’t get a public defender in a civil case. The guy barely spoke English and ended up representing himself. The court found against him on a technicality, not because of evidence that he was actually at fault, and we had to assign a value to the plaintiff’s loss without all of the information. It just wasn’t something I felt good about.

Have you ever: served on jury duty?

A2Jennifer comments on Apr 1, 2018:

I was on a jury for a civil case. We were told that the defendant had already been found liable, and it was our job to determine the amount of the damages to be awarded. It turned out that the defendant was found liable not based on the facts of the case, but because neither he nor his lawyer showed...

A2Jennifer replies on Apr 4, 2018:

@atheist yes, that was the assumption. But it was more complicated than that. His lawyer quit because he couldn’t afford to pay him.

Have you ever: served on jury duty?

Stephanie1961 comments on Apr 1, 2018:

No! I want to though. I am a Social Worker and it seems we get screened out due to our natural scales of Justice and inclined to be a little over empathetic toward victims. I've been a registered voter since age 18. I've been included in the jury pool but never make it as a seated jurror. During...

A2Jennifer replies on Apr 1, 2018:

They ask you when the go through the jurors and it would be at least unethical, if not illegal, to lie to the court.

What character traits indicate someone is a "good" person?

Nurse-Quantros comments on Apr 1, 2018:

Brutal, unflinching honesty.

A2Jennifer replies on Apr 1, 2018:

I disagree. When people yield “honesty” as a weapon, it is not noble or good. It is simply trying to hold up cruelty as a virtue.

Ever done things to please others?

A2Jennifer comments on Mar 31, 2018:

I was married to a narcissist sociopath. He often manipulated me into violating my boundaries and sacrificing my well-being for his benefit. It was a lot of years of misery.

A2Jennifer replies on Apr 1, 2018:

@lacrossa1228 yep. I came to believe that I was ok with knowing I would never have anything I wanted as long as I was with him, that I was ok with living my life to make him happy. In hindsight, it took a lot of years of him telling me that’s what I *should* want and that if I didn’t, that I “didn’t really love him” for me to be convinced of those things.

Stephen King fan here.

Chefedone comments on Mar 29, 2018:

I have two favorites The Exorcist and Silence of the Lambs

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 29, 2018:

Neither of those was Stephen King.

Why do men get so mad when they get rejected?

A2Jennifer comments on Mar 19, 2018:

For the men saying “not all men,” or “women too.” OF COURSE not all men. OF COURSE women sometimes get nasty about rejection too. The thing is that it is SCARY as a woman. it represents a danger to our physical safety when a man gets angry in a situation that, by the way, we probably ...

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 20, 2018:

@Troy seriously, though, your answer to men being abusive when turned down is for women to understand men better. Women actually understand men relatively well (relative to men understanding women) because we HAVE to understand men because, again, our safety and survival depends on it.

What are your thoughts on psychological disabilities?

A2Jennifer comments on Mar 16, 2018:

This is tricky to me - and I work in mental health. While I support some accommodations being made so that people can be successful, they are likely to find upon entering the workplace that exceptions/excuses are not given in the real world.

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 16, 2018:

@btroje I completely agree that as humans with empathy we should help people wherever we can. I’m just not sure that we are always doing service to young people by making accommodations that will not be available in the real world. Extra time to complete a test? No problem. But we also need to recognize our limitations as we choose paths for ourselves in life.

Teachers + guns. I think it's a shit idea. What do you think?

Leutrelle comments on Mar 12, 2018:

I have a concealed carry licence. The worst case senereo that I can think of is to be a teacher,, and carry in a school. I would hate to be disarmed by a couple of very powerfull students! Teachers have to build rapport with the students, and a gun wouldn't help develope that kind of relationship. ...

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 12, 2018:

My son is in college studying to be a music teacher. He said “how am I supposed to connect with students if I’m carrying a gun?”

Teachers + guns. I think it's a shit idea. What do you think?

Catalaya22 comments on Mar 12, 2018:

I believe it's a really bad idea 1.) because the school boards have already cut so many budgets and now all of a sudden there's money to give all faculty members a glock??? Really?? and 2.) Who's to say the teacher would not turn it against one of the students, I know for a fact that one of th ...

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 12, 2018:

Just about everyone had seen a teacher completely loose their shit. I wouldn’t want them to be armed when that happened.

Teachers + guns. I think it's a shit idea. What do you think?

Myah comments on Mar 12, 2018:

I think you have to take into account ALL gun deaths. Not those just from mass shootings. So taking into account accidental gun death rates, even if you mitigated mass shootings (which I don’t think the data is there to prove that case), you would still have a higher death toll due to gun ...

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 12, 2018:

More suicides are completed with guns than by any other means. It being such an effective and final means makes it the most deadly.

Some people seek the truth.

Sarahroo29 comments on Mar 11, 2018:

I'm seeking happiness. Soon it will be found.

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 11, 2018:

Happiness is a feeling, not a destination!

Does anyone else get: “ You can’t be an Atheist, you’re so nice and friendly”?

AmiSue comments on Mar 10, 2018:

That's one of the perks of being atheist - I AM nice and friendly, even moral! And telling a theist who knows me that I am atheist rattles their cage, maybe teaches them something new about us heathens.

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 10, 2018:

I agree I think it helps for people to know that the nice, helpful person they know is an atheist, to break some of their stereotypes.

If you're not married, would you marry again?

Gwendolyn2018 comments on Mar 9, 2018:

I was married for 25 years. I also lived with a man for seven years after I ended my marriage. My last two boyfriends wanted to get married or at least live together. No. I have lived alone for well over a decade. I like to come and go as I like, I like to be in charge of MY money, and I like to eat...

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 10, 2018:

Been there SO true @Cast1es

Why Women Aged 35 45 Are Single and Unhappy The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness - YouTube

DJVJ311 comments on Feb 18, 2018:

At my uncle's house, so I can't watch the video now, but there is another side to the issue. Personally, when I am really interested. In a girl, I make it easy for her to reject me right out. I will talk to a girl in front of her friends, even of mixed gender. I want a girl to say "Fuck off ...

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 9, 2018:

They might, but many women find it is easier to say “I have a boyfriend” because men respect the “property” of another man more than they respect the non-interest of a woman. @ElizabethI

Why Women Aged 35 45 Are Single and Unhappy The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness - YouTube

SKDeitch comments on Mar 2, 2018:

I have serious doubts that that the described conversation ever took place.

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 9, 2018:

Maybe not exactly as described, but this experience is universal to women - men taking offense when they are politely rejected and saying all kinds of nasty things about the woman.

If you're not married, would you marry again?

Gwendolyn2018 comments on Mar 9, 2018:

I was married for 25 years. I also lived with a man for seven years after I ended my marriage. My last two boyfriends wanted to get married or at least live together. No. I have lived alone for well over a decade. I like to come and go as I like, I like to be in charge of MY money, and I like to eat...

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 9, 2018:

It’s only selfish if you do what you want at the expense of others. But if you are unwilling to compromise ever to meet a partner’s needs, then you probably shouldn’t have a partner.

Christian Family Values: Anti marriage equality, Pro-forced child marriage!

A2Jennifer comments on Mar 7, 2018:

Had this conversation with someone the other day. Thee is NO circumstance in which a 14-year-old getting married is to the benefit of that child. It is exploitive, it is predatory, it is child abuse.

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 9, 2018:

Completely agreed. At 14 I thought my older boyfriend and I were on par in terms of maturity. As an adult, I see that he used it to manipulate me, by telling me that I “didn’t know anything” about relationships and “real life.” @mordant

Christian Family Values: Anti marriage equality, Pro-forced child marriage!

RavenCT comments on Mar 7, 2018:

This is the stuff that wants to tip me over from "Atheist" to "Rampaging Atheist against reglious people.".

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 7, 2018:

I just try to remember that this perverse belief system is a very small segment of Christians, like ISIS represents only a small segment of Muslims.

Christian Family Values: Anti marriage equality, Pro-forced child marriage!

icolan comments on Mar 7, 2018:

I don't even think this should be a fight of atheist vs religious, I think this should be a fight of compassionate human vs horrible, crazy, monsters.

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 7, 2018:

But it is exclusive to religions to claim that it is RIGHT to marry or have sex with children. Most pedophiles know that they are perverts and deviants but it takes a religious fanatic to claim that it’s ok because god says so @MikeInBatonRouge

For those of you who drink bulletproof coffee, can you share your best recipes?

Wrytyr comments on Mar 4, 2018:

I just want straight coffee in a French press, 4 scoops coarse ground coffee, 3 packets Sweet & Low, add boiling water, gently stir, steep 4+ minutes, press, pour, enjoy. I don't need no mochoa cappuccino-frappuccino crap. (photo credit: me)

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 6, 2018:

I am a coffee snob - I use an instant read thermometer to obtain the perfect brewing temp! @Wrytyr

What are you most looking for in a relationship? Just your 1 Thing

johnnyroxx comments on Oct 18, 2017:

Someone that likes to laugh, is curious, and independent.

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 6, 2018:

Silly faces? No, @ProudHeathen

For those of you who drink bulletproof coffee, can you share your best recipes?

Wrytyr comments on Mar 4, 2018:

I just want straight coffee in a French press, 4 scoops coarse ground coffee, 3 packets Sweet & Low, add boiling water, gently stir, steep 4+ minutes, press, pour, enjoy. I don't need no mochoa cappuccino-frappuccino crap. (photo credit: me)

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 6, 2018:

i suggest you might try less-than-boiling water. I use 175 for French roast, a bit lower for Italian, to extract all the flavor but never burn the (freshly ground) beans.

Are most agnostics intelligent and left-leaning?

JeffB comments on Mar 3, 2018:

Most atheist and agnostics I know are liberal. I know a few libertarian types too, but yeah, most are. I'm in New Orleans, which is a blue city in a red state so I don't know if that has anything to do with it.

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 4, 2018:

I agree on encouraging mixing of groups, but don’t think immigrant enclaves are the problem. It’s the Americans who are already here who need to be exposed to people who are different - immigrants can’t help but encounter people who are different from them, even if they spend much of their time in areas with concentrations of immigrants. These communities are functional and preserve some of their culture and heritage. pushing people out of those areas, might force them to assimilate faster, but comes at a cost. @kauva

how do you feel about the different genders and types of people coming out in the past few years?

Gnarloc comments on Mar 3, 2018:

On the one hand: live and let live. On another hand: I am hetero. I would like there to be a way to know that I am dating someone with the genetalia I am interested in. Not to put too fine a point on it... I teach. There are students who want to be have gender neutral pronouns: they/them. ...

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 3, 2018:

It’s about “insisting that we respect eachother.” THANK YOU well said!

how do you feel about the different genders and types of people coming out in the past few years?

Taijiguy comments on Mar 3, 2018:

No evidence of religious beliefs so "nah" Science says there's two genders, "oh, I don't believe that"

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 3, 2018:

Actually, science recognizes many variations in biological sex. Many people are born intersex (with physical characteristics of both sexes), people are born with more than two chromosomes (XXY or XYY) and occasionally people are born with chromosomes that don’t match their external genitalia. So, it is not always clear how people fit into biological sex categories, let alone how they identify themselves.

Are most agnostics intelligent and left-leaning?

JeffB comments on Mar 3, 2018:

Most atheist and agnostics I know are liberal. I know a few libertarian types too, but yeah, most are. I'm in New Orleans, which is a blue city in a red state so I don't know if that has anything to do with it.

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 3, 2018:

I find it interesting that MOST cities are blue regardless of the political leaning of the state. One reason is the type of people who are attracted to the city lifestyle. Another theory is that people who regularly encounter people who are different them develop more of the empathy that is associated with liberal beliefs.

Are most agnostics intelligent and left-leaning?

resserts comments on Mar 3, 2018:

I think atheists and agnostics generally tend to be more left-leaning because conservative views more often entail an allegiance to traditions like religious practice — but that doesn't mean there aren't a fair number of conservative atheists as well, only that the balance seems to be tilted ...

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 3, 2018:

Well-said. Unlike some on this site, I am also loathe to label all believers as ignorant, unintelligent or mentally unstable.

Punctuated Equilibrium in Homo Sapiens

A2Jennifer comments on Mar 2, 2018:

Hmm this is a concept I am not familiar with. But I have heard that humans are evolving faster than ever before, so you raise an interesting point.

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 3, 2018:

Yeah I don’t think wisdom is part of the evolution of species, only the evolution of the individual! @Gert

Twice now on this site I have encountered a post that was posed as a question, but it became ...

JackPedigo comments on Mar 1, 2018:

Many of us have experienced this. Several topics are ripe for this behavior: guns, food choices and immigration. It can come from eith the left or right. I try to comment if there is a chance of some reason being used. Often it is, as you said, just name calling and bullying so I ignore the person. ...

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 2, 2018:

Of course that’s true. The difference is probably more in the content of the attacks than the frequency. @JackPedigo

Religion is it fair to assume that if you believe in God or God's that is you're right as a member ...

JohnnyMiller comments on Mar 1, 2018:

The fact that it's illegal in 13 states for an atheist to hold a government office in a country founded on the separation of church and state, I have no issues with religion until it's used to oppress other people.

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 1, 2018:

Completely agree

Twice now on this site I have encountered a post that was posed as a question, but it became ...

DUCHESSA comments on Mar 1, 2018:

No need to report a members....You can block him / her or simply ignore whatever that person is saying.

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 1, 2018:

I think I would be inclined to report only if the person was clearly abusive. One case was not and the other was borderline.

Twice now on this site I have encountered a post that was posed as a question, but it became ...

JackPedigo comments on Mar 1, 2018:

Many of us have experienced this. Several topics are ripe for this behavior: guns, food choices and immigration. It can come from eith the left or right. I try to comment if there is a chance of some reason being used. Often it is, as you said, just name calling and bullying so I ignore the person. ...

A2Jennifer replies on Mar 1, 2018:

Interesting that you raise that point. I’ll just say that the post was related to a “women’s issue” and the poster in question asserted that it was sexist for women to have a right without an equivalent right being granted to men.

Why do so many men find it unbelievably difficult to talk to women as people rather than as a ...

XchazboX comments on Feb 24, 2018:

Maybe men have been conditioned by our society to veiw women as property, incubators, mothers, sisters daughters but not as equals

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 28, 2018:

Sad but true.

What books are you all reading right now?

A2Jennifer comments on Feb 24, 2018:

I am halfway through Jane Eyre because it’s one of those books you’re “supposed to” read. I am also proofreading a book that will be released in May.

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 25, 2018:

Honestly, I’m finding it a bit... slow. Was kind of relieved to have an excuse to take a break. But I hate to not finish a book so i’ll Get back to it when I finish the other one @Ori89

There's lots to complain about okcupid and such dating sites but I'm REALLY glad they include ...

crazycat329 comments on Feb 23, 2018:

As soon as I see "I'm a god fearing man", "I'm looking for a woman who shares my faith", "My religion is very important to me", etc, I'm history....so glad those questions are there. I even write in my profile that I'm non-religious, and still get bible thumpers hitting on me.Jeez !!!

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 23, 2018:

Yeah when they are are a “95% match” but the other 5% is Catholic. Ugh.

What 3-8 traits do you value most in a potential lifetime partner?

evestrat comments on Feb 21, 2018:

1. Intellectual. I adore intelligence ... it's a turn on 2. Witty -- dry sense of humor is best; they at least smile at some of my dorky jokes and puns ... I'm hooked 3. Kind/Respectful 4. Engages in Reciprocity, and understands why this is important 5. Liberal, or at the "left-side of the ...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 21, 2018:

All of these!

How do you handle talking to a parent when they are politically opposite of you?

UrsiMajor comments on Feb 18, 2018:

A conservative friend and I had a code phrase when things got heated. We would say, I like soup." And the other would reply, "I like soup, too." We knew not to even try talking politics.

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 18, 2018:

That’s AWESOME to remind eachother in an inside joke kind of way that you have things in common!

How long did it take you to get over your divorce?

A2Jennifer comments on Feb 17, 2018:

I am almost 3 Years out from a very toxic marriage. I am still recovering, less from the divorce than from the 20 years of emotional abuse in the marriage. My ex moved on immediately (actually had been carrying on a relationship in secret while telling me we were trying to reconcile) and is already...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 18, 2018:

@UrsiMajor that is actually something I have thought a lot about. We constantly get the message that marriage is a lifelong commitment, that divorce is a failure, that you should do whatever you can to make your marriage work. And in most situations I generally agree with that. But society does a disservice when we fail to say that none of that applies in cases of abuse - physical or psychological abuse.

How long did it take you to get over your divorce?

A2Jennifer comments on Feb 17, 2018:

I am almost 3 Years out from a very toxic marriage. I am still recovering, less from the divorce than from the 20 years of emotional abuse in the marriage. My ex moved on immediately (actually had been carrying on a relationship in secret while telling me we were trying to reconcile) and is already...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 18, 2018:

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I am actually really happy now. Still figuring out who I am without a narcissist telling me who to be. Enjoying having friends and interests and not feeling bad about not making my whole life about another person. I’ll date if someone comes along who really enhances my life. Until then, I am happy that every other aspect of my life is better than it ever would have been in that marriage. @tiffanny @bingst @ursiMajor @theIrishTexan @sciencebiker

How do you feel about (boy) scouting?

Marcie1974 comments on Feb 16, 2018:

Being a woman and having daughters I don't know as much about them as I maybe should. That being said, I won't buy their popcorn due to their discrimination.

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 18, 2018:

Girl Scouts is a totally separate organization and a great one. Aims at instilling skills and knowledge and independence and self esteem in girls.

How do you feel about supplements?

Paul628 comments on Feb 16, 2018:

One of my docs wrote me a prescription for a high-dose Vitamin D supplement. Insurance stopped covering it and the out of pocket cost was unreasonably high so I just started taking over the counter stuff. The doses are lower, but something is better than nothing I suppose.

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 17, 2018:

Yes, I think the current advice is to NOT try to meet vit D needs with unprotected sun exposure for that reason @FrayedBear

Unusual expressions.

stinkeye_a comments on Feb 17, 2018:

"I'll be go to hell!"

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 17, 2018:

That sounds like something a kid says when they are trying to learn how to swear, and they don’t know where the swear words go.

Another f@!king mass shooting here in America! At least 17 dead, 23 injured.

A2Jennifer comments on Feb 14, 2018:

It will never happen. If 25 dead little white kids didn’t move the needle on gun regulation, nothing ever will. People will continue to send empty “thoughts and prayers” and it will just get worse and worse.

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 17, 2018:

Uh huh. It’s racist to point out racism. Ok. Done with you. @Jack-of-scythes

What is your take on the 2 party system?

snytiger6 comments on Feb 12, 2018:

I really wonder why voters have to be registered with a political party to vote in the primaries. My ideal, would be that only politicians register as party members. Voters themselves would not be officially a part of any political party. In the primaries all voters would get to vote for the ...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 16, 2018:

Voters don’t have to be registered with a party to vote in primaries in Michigan. You do only get to vote for one party in the primary, though. Last year a neighbor and I talked about whether we should cast party ballots for a republican (anyone other than Trump) just to try to keep a terrible candidate off the ballot. I also proposed (mostly joking) that we should be able to trade our regular vote for a negative vote. That is, rather than cast a ballot for one of the dozen other candidates, to use our vote to cancel one vote for Trump.

What is your take on the 2 party system?

WilliamCharles comments on Feb 12, 2018:

I would like to get money out of politics (publicly financed campaigns), and if ballot integrity could be ensured, some sort of ranked choice voting system. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Instant-runoff_voting

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 16, 2018:

I’ve heard about ranked ballots as a solution to the extreme positions that result from the current primary system.

How do you feel about supplements?

ChrisJones comments on Feb 16, 2018:

There are a few I take. I drink chamomile tea on a fairly regular basis. I do that for headaches. I have also used holy basil as well. It has a calming effect. There are a few others I have used. Won’t necessarily swear by any. Other than the two I mentioned. I have seen the effects on me ...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 16, 2018:

@ChrisJones that’s great! Do you drink it daily for migraine prevention or use to treat when they onset?

How do you feel about supplements?

Paul628 comments on Feb 16, 2018:

One of my docs wrote me a prescription for a high-dose Vitamin D supplement. Insurance stopped covering it and the out of pocket cost was unreasonably high so I just started taking over the counter stuff. The doses are lower, but something is better than nothing I suppose.

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 16, 2018:

Nice thought but for those of us up around the 42nd latitude we just can’t get enough sunlight! @silvereyes

Another f@!king mass shooting here in America! At least 17 dead, 23 injured.

A2Jennifer comments on Feb 14, 2018:

It will never happen. If 25 dead little white kids didn’t move the needle on gun regulation, nothing ever will. People will continue to send empty “thoughts and prayers” and it will just get worse and worse.

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 16, 2018:

No way to know if your ignorance is intentional or not. The unfortunate reality is that many people assign the lives of white children more value than the lives of children of color. THAT is racism. Pointing it out is not. @Jack-of-scythes

Anyone here a psychotherapist?

RavenCT comments on Feb 15, 2018:

You might want to start with an "Intro to Psychology" book from your local library? Psychoanalysis goes strongly into Freud and was not a big turn on for me in the 1980's - I doubt there are any Freudians left in the US? But you never know. If you read an intro. book you'll have a good grasp ...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 15, 2018:

Freud was a perv!

Another f@!king mass shooting here in America! At least 17 dead, 23 injured.

A2Jennifer comments on Feb 14, 2018:

It will never happen. If 25 dead little white kids didn’t move the needle on gun regulation, nothing ever will. People will continue to send empty “thoughts and prayers” and it will just get worse and worse.

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 15, 2018:

Not every mention of race is racist. In particular, pointing out that our society takes crimes against white children much more seriously than crimes against people of color. For example, every few years a story about a missing pretty white girl dominates the news for weeks. When was the last time you saw a follow up story about a missing black woman? So yes, if anything was ever going to compel lawmakers to make a change, it was the murder of a bunch of white kids. That doesn’t make ME racist. @Jack-of-scythes

Belief in god

A2Jennifer comments on Feb 12, 2018:

Not by itself. People have different reasons for their beliefs, including, usually, childhood indoctrination. A mental illness is defined as “associated with present distress.” But many people do hold onto harmful delusions, behave in dysfunctional ways or experience distress because their ...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 15, 2018:

and what exactly did you accomplish by bullying a co-worker because her beliefs are different from yours? Do you think she’ll reconsider her belief in god? Or just what she thinks of you? @SingTheGuitar

Belief in god

A2Jennifer comments on Feb 12, 2018:

Not by itself. People have different reasons for their beliefs, including, usually, childhood indoctrination. A mental illness is defined as “associated with present distress.” But many people do hold onto harmful delusions, behave in dysfunctional ways or experience distress because their ...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 15, 2018:

Religion evolved in some form in pretty much every society going back many thousands of years. The fact that religion arose separately in many different places, times and cultures, indicates that it was a *functional* trait. Humans carry many traits and behaviors that were once favored by evolution because they served a functional purpose. Many of those traits are no longer functional, or are functional in some circumstances but not others. But it isn’t easy for people to discard behaviors simply because they no longer serve a logical purpose. And for many people, religion is still functional. Maintaining faith serves a purpose for some people: to provide a sense of purpose, or a set of ethics, or a community, or comfort in the hope that life does not end at death. Even if they do those things by maintaining a belief that you and I consider to be “obviously” false. As long as their belief does not cause any DYSfunction, harm to them self or others, it does not meet the criteria for mental illness. Further, there is little to be gained by declaring that the vast majority of human beings going back as far as we have records, were all “mentally ill” simply because some of us have started to overcome that now-vestigial belief. @SingTheGuitar

Belief in god

A2Jennifer comments on Feb 12, 2018:

Not by itself. People have different reasons for their beliefs, including, usually, childhood indoctrination. A mental illness is defined as “associated with present distress.” But many people do hold onto harmful delusions, behave in dysfunctional ways or experience distress because their ...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 14, 2018:

Wow you just make all kinds of assumptions about people. I have never been religious. I smelled bullshit in church at 8 years old and never believed in god. And AGAIN it is the American Psychiatric Association That defines mental illness as involving “impairment or dysfunction.” @SingTheGuitar

Belief in god

A2Jennifer comments on Feb 12, 2018:

Not by itself. People have different reasons for their beliefs, including, usually, childhood indoctrination. A mental illness is defined as “associated with present distress.” But many people do hold onto harmful delusions, behave in dysfunctional ways or experience distress because their ...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 14, 2018:

So you think i’m naive because I refer to knowledgeable sources and decline to accuse 80% of the population of mental illness? @SingTheGuitar

In my latest updated post, I mentioned my bestie, Patty, and that her kids (an 18-year-old son and a...

A2Jennifer comments on Feb 13, 2018:

Personally, I would find the environment of a religious institution very uncomfortable and would not want to spend those formative years pretending to be something I’m not.

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 14, 2018:

Really! I’m surprised. A lot of religious institutions require students to accept their dogma. @Sarahroo29

Belief in god

A2Jennifer comments on Feb 12, 2018:

Not by itself. People have different reasons for their beliefs, including, usually, childhood indoctrination. A mental illness is defined as “associated with present distress.” But many people do hold onto harmful delusions, behave in dysfunctional ways or experience distress because their ...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 13, 2018:

accepted definitions of mental illness refer to “impairment or dysfunction.” An adult who believes there are magical 6-foot bunnies living under their bed probably can’t function in society. But a child who believes in the Easter bunny probably can. If 80% of a population shares a belief and we are the ones who don’t, who do you think is going to be labeled as mentally ill? Just saying, maybe we don’t need to label people disagree with us as “mentally ill.” @SingTheGuitar

I find myself questioning the critical thinking skills of anyone I meet who I find to be religious.

A2Jennifer comments on Feb 8, 2018:

My mother is one of the smartest people I know. She had a long, successful career, respects science, and is highly logical and reasonable. She also believes in god and attends church regularly. People have faith/religion for many reasons. It does not mean, necessarily, that they lack reasoning ...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 13, 2018:

I understand that many people have very painful experiences associated with religion. And I certainly find many things done In thename id religion to be trrrible, despicable and abhorrent. My personal experience with religion wasn’t bad. It just all seemed very strange and illogical to me, and that is reason enough for me to reject religion. But given that my experience includes knowing really wonderful people who happened to be religious, I won’t begrudge them their right to their faith. AS LONG AS THEY ARENT HARMING ANYONE. @bootaski

Belief in god

A2Jennifer comments on Feb 12, 2018:

Not by itself. People have different reasons for their beliefs, including, usually, childhood indoctrination. A mental illness is defined as “associated with present distress.” But many people do hold onto harmful delusions, behave in dysfunctional ways or experience distress because their ...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 13, 2018:

I actually am not a member of the American Psychiatric Association @SingTheGuitar

Why conservatives are more susceptible to believing in lies.

BD66 comments on Feb 12, 2018:

I think both liberals and conservatives are highly susceptible to believing lies: https://i.pinimg.com/474x/7a/f8/7c/7af87cdcb301b9157861da6f5def52ee--economics-humor-taxes-humor.jpg

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 12, 2018:

He did not say that. At all. He said that policies that help families get ahead are creating infrastructure, making sure that women are paid fairly and that people can pay off their college loans. He said that raising the minimum wage helps families get ahead. He did NOT say that raising the minimum wage would create jobs. He said it would benefit people who HAVE jobs that pay them so little that they qualify for food stamps (I am paraphrasing on that). @BD66

Why conservatives are more susceptible to believing in lies.

BD66 comments on Feb 12, 2018:

I think both liberals and conservatives are highly susceptible to believing lies: https://i.pinimg.com/474x/7a/f8/7c/7af87cdcb301b9157861da6f5def52ee--economics-humor-taxes-humor.jpg

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 12, 2018:

Ok, two things. First, the article is about why conservatives are MORE LIKELY to hold onto erroneous beliefs even in the face of proof to the contrary - not that they are the only ones who ever believe lies. Second, I have never heard anyone claim that raising taxes or the minimum wage will CREATE jobs - the argument most often made is that LOWERING taxes and the minimum wage will create jobs. There doesn’t seem to be much evidence that actually happens though.

Vegan vs non-vegan diet for babies

A2Jennifer comments on Feb 11, 2018:

Every child must consume food and it’s up to parents to decide how to feed them, within reason. At some point, dietary choices can be abusive. If you feed a small child a diet of 100% fast food, is that abuse? What if you feed a child nothing but bread and water? Failing to provide your child with...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 12, 2018:

Well I was ASKING the question. Since vegans do not consume “any animal products” it is not a ridiculous wuestion @TerriCity

Vegan vs non-vegan diet for babies

Lysistrata comments on Feb 10, 2018:

You all know vegans breastfeed, right?

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 11, 2018:

Yes, for medical reasons, and also for whatever other reasons. While I agree that breast milk is the perfect food for infants, there are a range of reasons why it’s not a good option for everyone. Mothers sadly die in childbirth, babies are adopted, mothers don’t produce adequate milk and sometimes people decide for their own reasons that breastfeeding isn’t right for them. This is something I feel the need to say because like the issue of abortion, it is easy to defend on principles of medical necessity, and that is an important point. However, that argument alone fails to acknowledge the right of women to make decisions about themselves, their families, their bodies without having to provide a reason that others deem “good enough.” @RavenCT

I find myself questioning the critical thinking skills of anyone I meet who I find to be religious.

A2Jennifer comments on Feb 8, 2018:

My mother is one of the smartest people I know. She had a long, successful career, respects science, and is highly logical and reasonable. She also believes in god and attends church regularly. People have faith/religion for many reasons. It does not mean, necessarily, that they lack reasoning ...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 10, 2018:

Wrong again. She is one of the toughest people I know. Her parents were very religious, weekly church attendees at their moderate Methodist church and the VERY best people I have ever known. Their faith was a source of strength and they were kind, wonderful people who raised three happy, successful adults who all believe in god. My mother started attending church again after her parents died - I believe because it makes her feel closer to them and because she takes comfort in the possibility that death is not the end. In spite of my strong belief that there is no god or afterlife, I would never challenge her faith because it is good for her. Look, there are a lot of people who take the worst from religion. Who use it to justify hate and judgment and misogyny and all kinds of other terrible things. But there are also very good, intelligent people who believe in god and choose to embody the values that religion SHOULD promote - kindness, forgiveness, generosity. And if that works for them, and they are not hurting anyone, that is good with me. @bootaski @ReadyforaChange

What is your favorite meetup group or organization?

A2Jennifer comments on Feb 3, 2018:

There is an atheist meet-up group in my city. I met my best friends there!

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 3, 2018:

You are correct, sir! We always rank at the top of the “smartest cities” and I like living in my little liberal bubble! . @EricTrommater

Do you like it when people give you false hope? I don't.

A2Jennifer comments on Feb 1, 2018:

I lived a 20 year relationship/marriage on nothing but hope. Believing that things would get better when.... when we lived together, got married, etc. then many, many years of excuses and promises broken and commitments unkept. Hoping that he would come through for me. hoping if I loved him hard ...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 2, 2018:

It is so much better to be alone than to be dedicated to someone who is not capable of giving back @Rugglesby

Atheists at the Ark Encounter... [youtube.com]

birdingnut comments on Feb 2, 2018:

But we modern Americans are judging religious beliefs with our modern, rational, western ideas. Nobody does that to other world religions..who tries to find scientific evidence for Hindu beliefs? Or tries to prove Buddhist ideology? They are just traditions that give people something to worship,...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 2, 2018:

The issue is that evangelicals hold tight to the Bible as LITERAL truth in spite of all evidence to the contrary, ignoring or distorting science in order to hold on to beliefs that were invented to explain things at a time when humans did not have the knowledge to explain them.

Do we really value free speech anymore?

RoboGraham comments on Jan 30, 2018:

When a college decides not to host a political speech, that does not limit the speakers freedom of speech. They are under no obligation to provide a platform for anyone to speak from. It's not like the college is putting a gag order on the speaker. Colleges can freely choose which speakers they feel...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 2, 2018:

So, we are dealing with this now in my area. Richard Spencer is making the rounds demanding a forum to speak at Michigan’s college campuses. Because they are public universities, receiving taxpayer funding, there is some argument that refusing him is “the government” restricting his right to speech. On the other hand, many students feel that campus is their home and they should not be forced to host someone who advocates treating them as less than fully human. What these young people don’t understand is that the protection of free speech exists specifically to protect unpopular speech. oppressors quickly co-opt the language of oppression for themselves and claim to be victims of discrimination. But if we fail to protect ALL speech, it is the voices of the minorities, the oppressed, that will ultimately be silenced. We see this already with religious folks claiming that speech or policies protecting the rights of, for example, transgender people, are tantamount to hate speech against their religious beliefs. So we must protect the right to say terrible, hateful things in order to protect the right to say that they are terrible and hateful.

Are you for tipping or anti- tipping syndrome?

josh_karpf comments on Feb 1, 2018:

It's common to tip US mail carriers at Christmas, but I have known a (retired) Postal Service manager who goes postal about it, saying that the carriers are a tiny percentage of all postal workers, the rest of whom get nothing.

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 2, 2018:

Haha “goes postal”!

Are you for tipping or anti- tipping syndrome?

noworry28 comments on Feb 1, 2018:

I do not know if it has changed today, but waiters and waitresses were exempt from the minimum wage laws when I used to be a waiter in the eighties.Waiters and waitresses got less than minimum wage in Florida and the tips were counted as wages. So I tip as well as I can, because I know what it is ...

A2Jennifer replies on Feb 1, 2018:

That is still true - they are paid an hourly wage of like $3/hour and absolutely depend on the whim of patrons to make enough to survive. There are lots of problems with this system.

Dating dealbreakers

AzVixen52 comments on Jan 30, 2018:

Deal breakers: Repukelican, not circumcised, bad teeth, lives with his parent(s), jobless (unless retired), cat hater, adamant home body. I'm sure there are more; hence, why I'm single!! Thank goodness I ADORE my own company!! ;)

A2Jennifer replies on Jan 31, 2018:

Yeah, you don’t have to LOVE cats but you have to be ok with mine!

A universe from nothing? Anyone knowledgable about Physics?

splittingzero comments on Jan 24, 2018:

Actually, astrophysicists believe that space is something, because it actually does have a single property, volume. And I can conceive of a concept of a nothing that has no properties at all. And if you believe the universe began as an explosion of unimaginable intensity, then you must ask what ...

A2Jennifer replies on Jan 24, 2018:

Just because we can’t know everything now, or maybe ever, doesn’t diminish the value of what we do know and the pursuit of knowledge!

Discussion about the latest site footer It reads "Agnostic.

A2Jennifer comments on Jan 19, 2018:

I would not expect an agnostic site to present a “balanced” view of belief/non-belief. I would expect it to be a supportive community for non-believers. Really, you don’t need to look hard to get a religious perspective, this is the other side of the coin. I assume “agnostic.com” was ...

A2Jennifer replies on Jan 23, 2018:

@TheMiddleWay I am in no way assigning certainty to agnostics. I am attributing lack of faith to people who declare that they don’t have faith.

Question from a newbie to this forum, but not a newbie Atheist.

JWDiaz comments on Jan 22, 2018:

First of all, welcome! Now to address your question: I am spiritual but not religious. Nothing wrong with that.

A2Jennifer replies on Jan 22, 2018:

But what does that mean to you, “spiritual but not religious”?