Benthoven's Profile

Follow Block User Report User

Benthoven Ben

Man, New York,

Navigation

I grew up in a fundamentalist home… at ten I was baptized into the Seventh-Day-Adventist church. In my early twenties I was baptized into the Assemblies of church, and then in my later twenties I became a member of the Foursquare denomination. The one thing all of those groups have in common is that they are terrified of ME!

Because of my gayness, according to fundamentalists, I can:
~ Single-handedly incur the wrath of to bring down civilizations.
~ Cause earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, flooding and famine.
~ And apparently my powers are growing as I'm creating bigger hurricanes.
~ Just by being gay I can destroy straight marriages and obliterate the institution of marriage altogether.

Full Bio

Posts

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 30, 2018Mar 2018

Posted by Benthoven

It was the best of thyme it was the worst of thyme.

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 22, 2018Oct 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Vini Vidi Va va va Voom! I came I saw Hubba hubba!

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 23, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

In any given situation I assume two things: Number 1, I assume I'm making assumptions… Number 2, I assume those assumptions are wrong.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 30, 2018Mar 2018

Posted by Benthoven

I am NOT boring. In fact, this one time at a John Tesh concert…

Philosophy & Meaning

Dec 6, 2017Dec 2017

Posted by Benthoven

We need a new mythology, one that might not entail "gods" per se, but one that does for a science based culture what the gods did for ancient societies. For example: A creation "story" which breaks down "creation" into story form the way most ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 22, 2018Oct 2018

Posted by Benthoven

I came… I saw… … … I forgot why I came.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 23, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

This is your life… act like you've been here before.

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 20, 2018Oct 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 14, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Heaven and Hell are pretty much the same place. The difference is, Heaven knows how to properly use “their, they're, and there.”

Health & Happiness

Mar 5, 2018Mar 2018

Posted by Benthoven

There is no greater gift from this universe of ours than the smile of a baby and the trust of a child. I will show my gratitude by always returning that smile, and protecting that trust.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 14, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I sold my soul to Rock and Roll. Well, Rock and Roll is demanding its money back.

General & Hellos

Mar 31, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

May the road rise up to meet you... or maybe not...

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 13, 2018Feb 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 30, 2018Mar 2018

Posted by Benthoven

At my funeral, I hope to have my best friend do my eulogy. But I'll have to make sure my sister has equal time for the rebuttal.

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 20, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

No offense, but... !

Silly, Random & Fun

Sep 26, 2018Sep 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Two things I know to be true: Number One: I know nothing. Number Two: My original premise is probably false.

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 13, 2018Feb 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Ben: (angrily) Stop yelling at me about my grades, muther… You're the one who told me not to get smart!

Silly, Random & Fun

Dec 4, 2019Dec 2019

Posted by Benthoven

It's been two-thousand and twenty years since Jesus was born, and Mary STILL won't tell us who the father is.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 28, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

You had me at Harumph!

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 22, 2018Oct 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Has anyone seen my Tall Dark Knight of the Soul?

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 24, 2018Mar 2018

Posted by Benthoven

I'm never right, but sometimes I'm not wrong.

Silly, Random & Fun

Nov 2, 2017Nov 2017

Posted by Benthoven

When God closes a door, open it again. It's a door, that's how they work.

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 24, 2018Feb 2018

Posted by Benthoven

A woman and a chimpanzee walk into the lady’s room… Three woman walk out… God, I love Bewitched.

Silly, Random & Fun

Aug 7, 2018Aug 2018

Posted by Benthoven

I’ve been trying to get in touch with my feminine side, but she’s not talking to me. Apparently, my life is going nowhere, and I won’t stop and ask for directions.

Silly, Random & Fun

Jan 18, 2018Jan 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Love is infectious. Always wear a condom.

General & Hellos

Apr 5, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

If anyone needs me, I'll be out of my mind.

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 14, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

They say that learning the hard way is a waste of time. But it's not like I have anything better to do.

General & Hellos

Apr 5, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

No! I won't sit down. Now that I'm off my rocker I intend to stay that way.

Silly, Random & Fun

Dec 29, 2018Dec 2018

Posted by Benthoven

My God is a man… But he SOUNDS a lot like Cher!

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 19, 2018Mar 2018

Posted by Benthoven

I am officially on a gluten free diet. As of today, I've stopped eating glue.

Silly, Random & Fun

Dec 29, 2018Dec 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Learning the hard way is a waste of time.

General & Hellos

Apr 10, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Tomorrow on Sesame Street: Everything you've always wanted to know about six but were too afraid to ask.

Silly, Random & Fun

May 16, 2018May 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Douglas Adams

Silly, Random & Fun

Aug 23, 2018Aug 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Math problems are hard! Two ducks walked into a bar. The first duck weighed 7.3 pounds; the second duck 8.2 pounds. The bartender turns to the first duck and asks, “How’s your day?” The first duck replied: “In 1969 the price of 5 kilograms...

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 25, 2018Oct 2018

Posted by Benthoven

May God have mercy on your sole.

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 21, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I thought I had finally found a happy medium. Turns out, she was just drunk.

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 17, 2018Oct 2018

Posted by Benthoven

The hat is everything!

Silly, Random & Fun

Sep 20, 2019Sep 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Damn physicist! He's quark blocking me.

Silly, Random & Fun

Sep 20, 2019Sep 2019

Posted by Benthoven

We're all in this together… So if you fart, I'll kill you.

Silly, Random & Fun

Jan 29, 2019Jan 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Some days my mouth says to my brain… “Here, hold my beer!”

Silly, Random & Fun

Jan 29, 2019Jan 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I can't really say for sure, but I think I have my life on backwards.

Silly, Random & Fun

Sep 14, 2018Sep 2018

Posted by Benthoven

And I would walk five-hundred miles And I would walk five-hundred more Just to be the man who'd walk a thousand-miles To turn around and ask, "Where was I going again?"

Silly, Random & Fun

Sep 14, 2018Sep 2018

Posted by Benthoven

I'd love to help, but the company has me buy the balls.

General & Hellos

Feb 15, 2018Feb 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Your deeply held beliefs, without deeply validated facts are not admissible as morals or values.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 7, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Mirror Mirror on the wall… HEY! My eyes are up here buddy!

Silly, Random & Fun

Nov 1, 2018Nov 2018

Posted by Benthoven

A poem I wrote many years ago. Like a little bird freshly hatched from the egg The awaited hope—the dream is born Like the mother bird with all her care and love I tended—hour by hour—the helpless newborn I dreamed of the day it would spread ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 28, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I can't decide if I want Vodka and tonic, Vodka and orange juice, or Vodka and tomato juice. Fck it. Vodka and Vodka it is.

General & Hellos

May 31, 2019May 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I thought I would share some of my daily affirmations. Who knows, maybe they could help others. My inner voice guides me in every moment: (One voice wants to eat pizza—another voice demands I have a salad instead—still another voice is telling ...

Philosophy & Meaning

Apr 3, 2018Apr 2018

Posted by Benthoven

We are a story our brain tells itself: and our brains are motivated, skilled, pathological liars. Craig Good

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 28, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I am NOT a loser … I'm a writer.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 1, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

People ask me about my pet peeves. I don't pet my peeves. They bite.

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 2, 2018Oct 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Her smile could light up a room. That or the flamethrower she was toting… tomato/tomahto!

Silly, Random & Fun

Apr 3, 2018Apr 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Brian Cox: Eric, are you an optimist or a pessimist? Eric Idle: I'm married.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 1, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Conscience = Con + Science… Mind = Blown!

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 7, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I wish people would stop telling me that I need to learn to love myself. How do you think I got arrested in the first place?

Religion & Spirituality

Jan 30, 2018Jan 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Even empowering beliefs will, at some point, become dis-empowering beliefs. If you believe, for example, that you're a great writer, but the "universe" (or the deeper you) also thinks you'd make a great speaker, suddenly your belief that you are a ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Sep 20, 2018Sep 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Carry Yawn my buoy, Carry Yawn my way Word son.

Silly, Random & Fun

Aug 23, 2018Aug 2018

Posted by Benthoven

People ask me if I believe in life after death. I tell them “I'm still trying to figure out the life after birth thing.”

Silly, Random & Fun

Sep 20, 2018Sep 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Stop trying to wrestle with the big picture son, you’re gonna hurt your head. Bobby Singer

Silly, Random & Fun

Sep 1, 2018Sep 2018

Posted by Benthoven

I just watched a film that can only be described as “insightful,” a directorial masterpiece that cannot be adequately described. It must be experienced. It opens with a cinematic tour de force, one the finest ever committed to film and employs ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 18, 2018Oct 2018

Posted by Benthoven

The Letter Home Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 28, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Well, after a ton of soul-searching, I've finally concluded: I don't have a soul. I've looked everywhere. Behind the sofa, under the cushions, even under the bed. I checked behind the refrigerator, since I'm always losing things back there… ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Jun 30, 2018Jun 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Although my birth was contingent, my death is necessary. Jim Holt

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 28, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Yes, I KNOW what I said was ignorant, obnoxious and mean, but I put lol at the end… I said LOL!

Silly, Random & Fun

Sep 24, 2018Sep 2018

Posted by Benthoven

OMG! There's a tree in my living room and somebody stole my ceiling. ... ... Ah shit, I passed out in the courtyard again.

Silly, Random & Fun

Aug 23, 2018Aug 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Some call it the Monkey Mind - the mind's inability to be quiet even for a moment. I no longer call mine the Monkey Mind because my Monkey Mind has gone Ape SHT! But I make it work. I eat lots of bananas.

General & Hellos

Mar 1, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I have always loved Rob Thomas' music. Now I hear he has a new album coming out. Here's the first song they released from the album. I put it on repeat and it's been playing non-stop for about an hour now.

Silly, Random & Fun

Jun 21, 2018Jun 2018

Posted by Benthoven

It certainly looks that way.

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 25, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

There's a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell, and the only thing separating them is a catchy guitar riff.

Silly, Random & Fun

Nov 21, 2017Nov 2017

Posted by Benthoven

I live in New York, and for almost a year, I've been considering going to Times Square where Broadway and 7th Intersect, wearing a giant name tag on my shirt that says, "Hi, My Name is Life!" and carrying a box of lemons... and then handing out ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Apr 2, 2018Apr 2018

Posted by Benthoven

People ask me about my pet peeves. I don't pet my peeves. They bite.

General & Hellos

Sep 3, 2019Sep 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Some people hear voices… Some see invisible people… Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Health & Happiness

Mar 7, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

How does one deal with an asshole? We all know them. Some of us are them. I would make a distinction between temporary and certified assholes, because all of us under the wrong conditions can be temporary assholes. I'm talking about somebody who is ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 30, 2017Oct 2017

Posted by Benthoven

I'm just killing time… until Time kills me!

Silly, Random & Fun

Apr 2, 2018Apr 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit. Elbert Hubbard

Silly, Random & Fun

Apr 20, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I was asked today what advice I would give to young writers. I pretty much gave them the same advice I would give anyone: "Never trust a fart."

Silly, Random & Fun

Dec 12, 2018Dec 2018

Posted by Benthoven

This is Christmas Eve: She wishes you a Mary Christmas

Philosophy & Meaning

Apr 2, 2018Apr 2018

Posted by Benthoven

The mystery of being is a permanent mystery, at least given the present state of the human brain. I begin by assuming two principles: 1.) For every truth there is an explanation. 2.) No truth explains itself. Jim Holt

Silly, Random & Fun

Jun 12, 2018Jun 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Due to circumstances beyond our control, Monday has been canceled this Tuesday. This means that Monday's meeting will be postponed to early Tuesday this Wednesday at 7:00 pm Thursday next Friday. Saturday night will not be scheduled this Sunday due...

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 27, 2018Oct 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Friend: (Disagreeing) I beg to differ… Ben: Well I beg for sex, what's your point?

General & Hellos

Jun 14, 2019Jun 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Men worship gods made in their own image; but these gods in turn, once made, have a potency of their own to shape and enslave their devotees. A.N. Wilson Jesus A Life

Silly, Random & Fun

Dec 12, 2018Dec 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Inspirational thought for today: We live on a planet where life is a miracle—particularly because the Universe that supports it, is also trying to kill it at the same time.

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 27, 2018Oct 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Retired Superman: It's times like these I wish I hadn't hung up my cape. Lois Lane: Oh Clark, you never hang up anything.

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 31, 2019Oct 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I went to see Jesus Christ Supper Star. It was dinner theater.

Previous
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Photos

Agnostic, Humanist, Secularist, Skeptic

Open to meeting men

Interested InFriends, Dating, Long Term
EnjoysMovies, Music, Science, Books, Love
Education2-Year
Top tags#god #Jesus #world #friends #reason #video #book #hell #religion #earth #gay #death #Christian #hope #beliefs #Bible #children #Christians #church #Vodka

Level8 (90,206pts)
Posts984
Comments
Replies 2,840
710
Followers 22
Fans 0
Joined Sep 26th, 2017
Last Visit Over a year ago
Not in search results

Benthoven's Groups

Topic of the day

Community Senate

Copyright © 2024 - All rights reserved.
About
Terms
Privacy
Promote
Contact
FAQ

Agnostic.com is a community for interesting people!