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are you afraid of death?
Carin comments on Jul 10, 2018:
Hell yes.
MEN: What would your reason be for asking a woman what she does for a living, upon meeting her?
Carin comments on Jul 9, 2018:
I don't tend to ask a guy that early on as I feel it's kind of like asking "How much money do you make?" I also feel awkward when people ask me the same question as my work is about the opposite of glamorous.
Would you date someone who is a self-proclaimed psychic/intuitive? This is a follow-up to the very ...
Carin comments on Jul 9, 2018:
God no! I have & they are often idiots.
How many of you still use the phrases "Oh thank god" or "Dear lord" or something else that ...
Carin comments on Jul 9, 2018:
Almost the opposite--I spent a lot of time in Dixie & people would often call you out for "using the Lord's name in vain." The weirdest experience with that was when I was babysitting a preacher's daughters for the first & only time. Every time I said "Oh my god" their little mouths would literally drop open as they stared at me in horror. The most bizarre part of it was these little girls telling me how they liked being mean to an ugly girl at school. I asked them if they thought being ugly meant it was OK to be mean to someone & they said sure! I posed the question a couple different ways, & they really did think that! Tormenting another child was OK but a saying simple word is enough to look for a different babysitter. So anyway I still feel uncomfortable when my kids copy their dad & yell Jesus Christ when they get annoyed.
Cutting out the clitoris
Carin comments on Jul 9, 2018:
In book called "Desert Flower" by Waris Diri she relates the time leading up to her mutilation as a small girl, including some background on the societal pressures, as well as the experience of being hacked at with a broken razor blade, her subsequent ongoing problems & her "recovery" to the extent that that was possible. Sad, but an important & informative memoir.
Greatest country song of all time. David Alan Coe! You don't have to call me darlin! I was ...
Carin comments on Jul 9, 2018:
Now that they have self driving cars, his truck can leave him & take his trailer with it too.
Cat Traps pt 45: Trapping disasters. Disclaimer: The following may be disturbing to some ...
Carin comments on Jul 8, 2018:
Way too funny! You are so talented. I may have to follow you!
As you may have read elsewhere on here, my niece (by marriage) was murdered over the weekend by her ...
Carin comments on Jul 6, 2018:
I'm so sorry for your family's loss.
I am new here and seen this group..I am a survivor of a toxic and emotionally abusive ...
Carin comments on Jul 3, 2018:
Maybe check your area for resources for homeless women? It really is harder for us--not just staying safe but recovering financially. So many female jobs require a level of cleanliness & dress that is hard to manage when you're living in your car. I've been in your position & it's so difficult & discouraging. Feeling like you don't care about anything & don't have any feelings can be symptoms of depression. Despite all this hardship I'm sure you are better off without him. Good luck--we care about you.
Today I went to the pool and unearthed a memory of how my narcissistic ex ruined EVERYTHING to keep ...
Carin comments on Jul 3, 2018:
Very childish behavior. Hope your son did OK with the divorce--I can tell it was the right decision for you. I'm heading for divorce now & have kids.
Goodnight Kitty:
Carin comments on Jul 2, 2018:
I think my tolerance for extreme cuteness has been exceeded. I will recover!
What's keeping me up tonight? Somebody in the area has seriously annoyed a skunk. It finally cooled...
Carin comments on Jul 2, 2018:
Aw-sorry! Hope you & the skunk can get some sleep now!
Sleep, what is the secret? I have to know.
Carin comments on Jul 2, 2018:
This may not be the best place to ask...my best answer is more pills & that's a horrible answer!
So I need some advice. I'm a survivor of sexual, mental and physical abuse. I'm 22 I've already had ...
Carin comments on Jul 2, 2018:
Don't be overly concerned about the abortions--just about everyone seems to have had one or more. It's too bad it's so taboo to talk about it because it makes each of us feel like we must be the only person we know who intentionally ended a pregnancy. It's really quite common & your reasons for doing it are nobody's business unless you decide otherwise.
Condescending people. We all know them. Let’s share. I have many stories of narcs being ...
Carin comments on Jul 1, 2018:
My husband lies to me, sometimes for convenience, sometimes for fun & sometimes out of malice; then he snickers at me for being so dumb. I am just trying to get away & completely ignore most things he says.
Hello fellow survivors.
Carin comments on Jul 1, 2018:
Hi!
So I need some advice. I'm a survivor of sexual, mental and physical abuse. I'm 22 I've already had ...
Carin comments on Jun 29, 2018:
I so understand! I put off having kids with my husband for 10 years because it seemed like my estranged mom would unestrange herself & try to take over. I tried to put it off until she died but finally felt safe & strong enough to do it anyway when I was 35. She did me a favor & died 2 weeks before my daughter was born. My family, especially my mom, were unkind, controlling & gossiped about me just like yours. They also felt entitled to know every detail of every situation. They still did it to me when I moved to the opposite coast, but at least I didn't have to see them very often. I finally just cut them off completely because nothing I could do would change how they were & how they treated me. The best advice I can give you is to move far enough away that you are not expected to attend every family event & have some excuses ready, like you can't get time off work or your dog is about to have puppies or whatever, to avoid going to anything you don't want to. It also helps to have a counselor or good friend that you can safely discuss things with so you don't end up telling them stuff they will later use against you. You are still really young & you have time to figure out some ways to protect yourself & also strengthen yourself, but I think it will be much harder if you are living near them. You will be a good, sensitive mother when you are ready, because you have experienced all this pain & will naturally not say things to hurt your child. You will show your baby so much love because you know the sadness of feeling unloved. 7
What and incredible group to find. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and rape. It has been a...
Carin comments on Jun 24, 2018:
It's much easier to tell someone you'll pray for them, than to actually help, listen to, & support the person. You are in the right place!
Does anyone else have this problem wherein, after being beaten down mentally at home and at school ...
Carin comments on Jun 24, 2018:
I do understand, all too well! If I can think of anything to say, it's usually something I've done rather than some good quality I might possibly have. My current thinking on this is to try & think of my problem with this as a good thing--like I'm a very humble person. Humility is good, right? I feel like it's at least worth trying to appear humble rather than stupid, anyway. Isn't there some quote about how keeping your mouth shut makes you appear smarter?
This group appears to be a good start in sharing my recent experience and the hurt it's causing me ...
Carin comments on Jun 24, 2018:
Do you want to talk to people here, or privately on Messenger?
I'm new here, but wanted to say a couple of things. It seems like all women posting, I am a ...
Carin comments on Jun 19, 2018:
I can only speak for myself, but I'm happy you're here. Anyone can be an abuse survivor. So welcome!
No details because a case is pending but sexual battery is the subject at hand. I feel...dirty, ...
Carin comments on Jun 19, 2018:
I'm so sorry! I know about feeling dirty & contaminated, but don't you dare feel ashamed. The person who attacked you is the one who should feel ashamed, if he has any conscience at all. Please take good care of yourself-we will all be thinking about you & hoping you recover soon!
Something to think about on Monday when England play Tunisia... Women’s Aid calls on the ...
Carin comments on Jun 17, 2018:
Here in the US, some studies found the opposite--when the men's favorite teams won, violence went up. Maybe they get drunker?
I wanted to send a warning post It hit me this morning that abusers search out the "weak" (what ...
Carin comments on Jun 13, 2018:
You are right, I'm sure! Abusers can sniff us out even without explicit labels like like "abuse survivor." It's scary & discouraging...
On rebuilding and finding your tribe As I’ve only recently distanced myself from my father ...
Carin comments on Jun 13, 2018:
Sorry to hear what a rough start you got in life. I met my best friend in a community college class I took. Volunteering can be a good way to find nice people to interact with as well.
I NEED to share what I am thinking right now but it is harsh and irrational. My family and friends ...
Carin comments on Jun 12, 2018:
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through! I don't have money to spare but I wondered if you felt safe giving us a very general idea of where you live? With a little luck someone may live near by & be able to drive you to town or something. I know I would!
My mother was borderline and hated me with a passion (she refused to take me home from the hospital ...
Carin comments on Jun 11, 2018:
That's awful! Who can hate a tiny baby? That's all on her. When my mom was pregnant with my sister she said she wanted a boy (no ultrasound or anything back then) & when she had me she wanted to just leave me at the hospital. I fi gured my life was over in a couple months but then she had another girl. She told me that she later decided girls were great but there are some things you can't unsay & she should never have said that to a 4 year old. I'm really glad therapy worked so well & quickly for you.
Today is my ex’s birthday. I first met him 40 years ago, at age 17, my first week at college. We ...
Carin comments on Jun 11, 2018:
Have some chocolate.
Anybody else wondering if the two celebrity suicides were possibly Secrete lovers? I don't know why,...
Carin comments on Jun 9, 2018:
I always thought Anthony Bourdain was gay, but reports mention that he was a father--so maybe a secret life? Who is the other celebrity you refer to?
Is it a 'Wonderful World' as suggested by Mr Armstrong or is this a Pollyanna view with a deceptive ...
Carin comments on Jun 9, 2018:
I think the world is not very wonderful for most of the beings born into it.
Passed on the first attempt, 2 errors, end of the day, with who appeared to be the hardass ...
Carin comments on Jun 9, 2018:
I think you will really enjoy having an extra driver in the family! She looks so proud of herself--very cute.
Why does the sea taste salty?
Carin comments on Jun 9, 2018:
It's salty because all the water that flows into it from rivers brings a little salt, but water can only get back out of the ocean by evaporation. Salt & other minerals are left behind Now maybe someone else can explain to us why the salt remains at a very consistent concentration & the ocean is not getting saltier & saltier.
Slow Down.
Carin comments on Jun 8, 2018:
Very funny!
Conversation.
Carin comments on Jun 8, 2018:
You have cool kids!
Today would’ve been my 15th wedding anniversary. I don’t miss the guy, because he wasn’t nice ...
Carin comments on Jun 7, 2018:
So sorry! Hopefully as time passes it will get better.
No contact: have you done it? What were the results?
Carin comments on Jun 7, 2018:
Yes I did it with my parents & never regretted it. I wondered if I would feel guilty when they died, but I didn't. If anything, I felt relief. One downside was that some other family members cut me out when I stopped all contact with my parents.
I think I just proved Darwin wrong. Is it me or are complete idiots breeding at a much faster rate ...
Carin comments on Jun 7, 2018:
It's actually true--the less education a person has, the more kids they have. Numerous studies have shown this. Maybe Mother Nature is saying we're too smart for our own good?
Do u think it's possible to recover from a neglected childhood????
Carin comments on Jun 6, 2018:
No. Neglect & abuse actually cause small changes in the structure of the brain. I've found that I feel better just accepting my weird self & arranging my life to deal with it.
Long term marriages
Carin comments on Jun 6, 2018:
I'm so sorry about what happened to you--that must be awful! I was married about 31 years I think, so I guess it can happen at any stage of the relationship. Good luck with your health!
What are your top 3 current favorite TV shows?
Carin comments on Jun 6, 2018:
I like Humans, Dark Matter, & Last Week Tonight. Tosh.0 can be fun too.
Hi, all. New to the group. Still recovering from living with a narcissist mother and complicit ...
Carin comments on Jun 6, 2018:
Hi! I'm pretty new here too.
Two part question: Do you remember your very first kiss? Are you still in touch with this person?
Carin comments on Jun 6, 2018:
Oh yes & no way!
Should I attend a wedding at church as an atheist?
Carin comments on Jun 6, 2018:
I used to feel very uncomfortable at churches; maybe for similar reasons. Now I maintain an objective distance & observe them like an anthropologist might attend a tribal ceremony in Africa or where ever. They probably don't adhere to any of the participants' beliefs. It helps if you read up on religion a bit. It also helps if your relatives are really religious nuts like my in laws who think the end of the world is nigh.
How has abuse affected your dating and relationships? I see red flags everywhere; I’m so ...
Carin comments on Jun 6, 2018:
I think you're probably doing the right thing. Potential abusers can spot us (consciously or not) & we will always be more at risk of being abused than other people who manage to project self confidence & self worth. I'm working on becoming more bitter. I think it might be the best protection I can manage at this point. Good luck to you.
It's so frustrating when my family is very religious and won't even support me in me trying to get ...
Carin comments on Jun 5, 2018:
Mental illness like depression isn't that much different from physical illnesses. For some reason if your stomach or arm isn't working right it's OK to get professional help, but if it happens to be the body part known as the brain that's not working right, you are expected to cure yourself or just pray about it. That just makes no sense.
I'm new. Been through each type of abuse. Am out of most of the toxic relationships. Just moving ...
Carin comments on Jun 5, 2018:
Good luck! It's hard.
Picked up some tomato plants to do some container gardening (will transplant later)...my Hydrangeas ...
Carin comments on Jun 4, 2018:
Gorgeous!
How do you make life meaningful without the help of religion?
Carin comments on Jun 3, 2018:
My life was not at all meaningful before or after rejecting the fairy tales & embracing atheism. It's now meaningful because of volunteer work for infants, women & girls. I've been a La Leche League leader for 15 years & like to think that my encouragement & sharing of accurate breastfeeding information has helped a few babies to be breastfed longer & have healthier lives. I also hope it's helped new moms get past some of the stress & worry so they could enjoy & bond with their babies more. A more recent project is sewing & mailing flannel sanitary pads to school girls in Malawi who otherwise have to stay home from school every month. We all know education is key to lowering birth rates & many other good things, but just giving the girls a little dignity means a lot to me as well. Sometimes I joke that I seem overly concerned with liquids that come out of women's bodies but I am 100% straight. I think it's just a coincidence!
Hypothetical: what r ur thoughts if atheists rule the world, would it b a utopia, would wars ...
Carin comments on Jun 3, 2018:
Since atheists are smarter I think it would have to be a little better. I think things could improve for women particularly, since sexism is (in my opinion) much more connected to religion than the other "isms." Homophobia might also get better since laws against being gay would be repealed. Getting rid of theocracies would do wonders for human rights.
It's a bugs life.
Carin comments on Jun 3, 2018:
I read somewhere that it often happened because they were observing captive mantids who were hungry &/or stressed. Apparently in the wild it doesn't always end that way. Same with black widows.
If the Christian god was proven to be real, would you follow him ??
Carin comments on Jun 3, 2018:
Would Hell be real too then? Would not want to go there.
Best 80's Sci Fi
Carin comments on Jun 3, 2018:
The Alien movies. Loved the women in that. Seems like that was a breakthrough for us. Now there are so many great female heroes & leaders in movies & TV, especially in Sci Fi shows like Dark Matter, The Rain, Walking Dead & Fear the Walking Dead.
Combined all the tadpoles in one container so we could clean out their coolers and give them fresh ...
Carin comments on Jun 2, 2018:
What kind of frogs or toads are they? Where & when did you get them? How often do you change the water & what do they eat?
Evolution's Worst Mistake? How About External Testicles?
Carin comments on Jun 1, 2018:
Pretty sure all vertebrates except mammals have internal testes...& I can't think of any mammals that don't. For some reason sperms have to stay cooler than the rest of a mammal's body, yet birds are warm blooded. Another apparent (& cruel) evolutionary mistake--the size of newborns' heads v. the size of women's pelvises. I guess large headed babies had a big enough evolutionary advantage that it outweighed a certain percentage of them dying (along with their mothers usually) during birth. So it's not just longterm & short term benefits, but also numbers--grazing animals' normal diets are high in fiber & low in nutrients, so they're drawn to foods like grains & lush new vegetation that have more nutrition & calories. This helps their survival & ability to produce more offspring, but sometimes if there is a lot of rich food available at once they can (& do) eat enough of it to kill themselves. Overall, a taste for rich foods is good for the species but not always for individuals.
I've been a band mom for 6 years and with 2 kids have gone to a LOT of concerts and I will never ...
Carin comments on May 31, 2018:
I'd be happy if they just shut up! Once the band teacher stopped the performance, turned around, & told 2 men having a loud conversation in the back of the room to either be quiet or leave. Can't believe the bad manners of so many adults!
Well Roseanne did it again, opened her big mouth with a racial slur. This time she hurt her tv ...
Carin comments on May 31, 2018:
I never pay any attention to her so I don't know what she said, but racism is always wrong. I sure got a laugh out of a newspaper headline though, saying the manufacturers of Ambien claim that racism is not a side effect of their drug!
Do you find it offensive when theist think without a belief in god/gods, it’s impossible to have ...
Carin comments on May 30, 2018:
I sure do! I guess they only behave right so they won't go to hell & will go to heaven. We do it for no reward....
Do people become more bigoted as they age? My mom had never been the type to speak poorly of any ...
Carin comments on May 30, 2018:
How old is your mom? Do you think this could be a sign of some mental decline? Do you think she has become more fearful in general? This must be very upsetting to you.
Why doesn't anyone answer messages here? I hope I'm not that ugly lol
Carin comments on May 29, 2018:
Aw, that's too bad! I'm sure you're not ugly.
Circumcised or Uncircumcised? What are your personal views on it? In actuality it should be viewed ...
Carin comments on May 29, 2018:
I am SO against it. Over a hundred baby boys die in the US every year from complications of a cosmetic surgery that they were unable to consent to.
What do agnostics say instead of "Thoughts and Prayers"?
Carin comments on May 29, 2018:
They don't. They try & DO something!
How about Ireland voting to change their constitution over abortion? I’m very pleased with this. ...
Carin comments on May 29, 2018:
It's so reassuring to see that the rest of the world isn't going backwards with us. My political science professor said a national referendum is possible in the US, due to the founding fathers giving us the "right to petition" the government. We have it here in CA--we vote on Propositions that are identified by numbers. Some examples of ones that have passed are a ban on trophy hunting of mountain lions, the establishment of a state lottery, & making battery cages for hens illegal.
How do you feel when someone gives you sympathy?
Carin comments on May 29, 2018:
It makes me feel better, at least for a few seconds.
So after what was already a shit day, I get the distinct pleasure of having my fucking bike stolen! ...
Carin comments on May 29, 2018:
I'm so sorry to hear that! Hope it wasn't your only transport. Try looking for it on Craigslist. I've read about more than one person getting their bike back that way. Hope tomorrow is better!
Leaving aside any religious interpretations and speaking from an atheist/agnostic point of view, ...
Carin comments on May 28, 2018:
Wish I knew! I'll be following this.
Is it ok if married couples keep secrets from one another?
Carin comments on May 27, 2018:
Not if you want to stay married. Secrecy is just another form of lying & I hate liars. My husband's secrets & lies have destroyed our marriage to where there is no hope of repair.
I received a friendship request on Facebook. He was attractive and seemed to be an adventurer. He ...
Carin comments on May 23, 2018:
Absolutely! Especially considering how christians expect women to act! Might work a bit better if the woman was religious & the man wasn't....?
Ever notice how Christians are always crying persecution, but are the main ones damning people to ...
Carin comments on May 23, 2018:
For sure! & persecuting people who have a different religion as well, claiming this is a christian nation. Grrrr....
Did anyone miss me?
Carin comments on May 22, 2018:
Well, I'm brand new here or I'm sure I would have! How long were you gone, & why?
Parenting advice. And so I ask you this one question. Have you ever tried simply turning off the ...
Carin comments on May 22, 2018:
Wow. looking at some of the other comments makes me wonder if many atheists lack a sense of humor, or just have never been parents. I still think it's funny & no, I don't hit my kids. Your joke doesn't lead me to assume you actually hit yours either. Maybe we should just stick to eating every piece of chocolate we can find when it's been "one of those days."
Parenting advice. And so I ask you this one question. Have you ever tried simply turning off the ...
Carin comments on May 22, 2018:
One of those days, huh? We all have them! Looking forward to the end of school so I don't have to figure out if they're lying that they don't have homework.
Storms are rolling thru tonite. I have rarely been afraid of them, as I have been thru (2) tornados....
Carin comments on May 22, 2018:
I live in CA & I miss REAL weather! Earthquakes & fires & mudslides don't really count....
Are you happily married?
Carin comments on May 22, 2018:
Thought I had been fairly happily married for over 30 years, until stumbling upon some REALLY ugly secrets...10 months later I am still numb & hopeless. Some days I just feel like I'm waiting for the kids to grow up so I can die. I never knew him at all.

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Atheist, Secularist, Freethinker
Here for community
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  • Joined May 20th, 2018
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