Father Murphy, a young monk, was visiting a convent for the first time.

EricJones comments on Jul 24, 2024:

A new religious order-The sisters of joy and happiness.And they don't have to rent a pay by the hour room, they have the convenient convent.

The young lady is a lawyer material

EricJones comments on Jul 24, 2024:

they say beggars can't be choosers, well we now know which one is which, don't we.

it says here that god created man in his own image, does that mean god had a foreskin?

EricJones comments on Jul 24, 2024:

Which image should we accept-the tall one, the short one, fat one, muscular one, skinny one? I say produce god and lets see for ourselves.

It's what's for dinner

EricJones comments on Jul 24, 2024:

That is a really cool idea, but the toes are going to cook far faster than the rest of the loaf.

Number 5 is so true.

EricJones comments on Jul 24, 2024:

As a newly minted senior-I resemble those remarks.

That would be worth watching.

EricJones comments on Jul 24, 2024:

Graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate bars, put on fox news, and have a real fun time.

Beware of any Christian movement that ...

EricJones comments on Jul 23, 2024:

Isn't that why the catholic church had all those crusades over the centuries?

The only really useful thing about JD from the arsehole's perspective.

EricJones comments on Jul 23, 2024:

Watching Harris debate trump is gonna be a riot. She's gonna rip him apart.

A combined IQ of -11 at a trump rally

EricJones comments on Jul 23, 2024:

The only thing those morons could pass is gas, just like their hero donnie boy.

Because he’s a drama llama

EricJones comments on Jul 23, 2024:

He said that 1/4 inch closer would have killed him-yea, right. 1/4 inch closer might've grazed his cheek.

I can receive messages but I can't reply! 🙄🙄🙄

EricJones comments on Jul 22, 2024:

Can that little old lady get busted for operating a vehicle while loaded? One of the fun parts of riding in the back of the school bus.

There's an urgent need to change the conversation

EricJones comments on Jul 22, 2024:

We already had one of those. I don't know who made that list, but they need to add pedophile to that list.

This is funny as hell.

EricJones comments on Jul 22, 2024:

Somebody has a somewhat twisted sense of humor.

I first voted in 1972, I have never been able to vote for my first choice for president in November,...

EricJones comments on Jul 22, 2024:

Racist and sexist are right in trumps wheelhouse. Throw in deranged lies and that's his trifecta

The helmet has more emotional range, so it's not a fair comparison.

EricJones comments on Jul 22, 2024:

Everybody knows melania wants to be a widow.

And the coffee grounds are waaay too messy....

EricJones comments on Jul 22, 2024:

Just use the herbal teas that nobody drinks anyway and you'll be fine. That chicken never heard of $5 wing night at the corner pub. That's why they are called zoom meetings and not wide angle meetings.

Dick pic, anyone?

EricJones comments on Jul 22, 2024:

At my age that is a very true pie chart.

A little known fact

EricJones comments on Jul 22, 2024:

That's what I call incentive to work hard at being the only survivor.

Sounds boring...

EricJones comments on Jul 22, 2024:

That shoots the tourist trade all to hell.

Went hiking and 4-wheeling in the mountains today, hope you all had a great day too!

EricJones comments on Jul 22, 2024:

mom closes her eyes and the count down to the the loudest, most shrill shreeks you have ever heard has begun.

Looking for a job?

EricJones comments on Jul 21, 2024:

For street cred they forgot to add- sex with minors, lying about numerous affairs, forcing women who got pregnant from said affairs to have abortions, graft of all stripes, numerous bankruptcies, and the list goes on.

Seriously? FFS!

EricJones comments on Jul 21, 2024:

Mr President, thank you for the lifetime of service you have given to this country. Right now that orange pile of shit is shaking because his chances of winning have gone down and his chances of prison time have gone way up.

Now we know. 😂

EricJones comments on Jul 21, 2024:

That would explain my horseshoe, welts and headaches.

“It took me 15 years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give up because by...

EricJones comments on Jul 21, 2024:

Fame is a kind of prison in it's own right.

Here is a frightening fact. 😆 [youtube.com]

EricJones comments on Jul 21, 2024:

Don't forget, grocery store ceo's have to eat too.

JD waxes religious about his main man, the arsehole.

EricJones comments on Jul 21, 2024:

JD waxes a number of things, including somebody's little thing.

Who remembers this old Eagles hit?

EricJones comments on Jul 21, 2024:

Everybody hopes he does major time.

Yep, not interested!

EricJones comments on Jul 21, 2024:

She might feel better if she stopped dating alpha males.

Also, that alien abduction stuff is shit too.

EricJones comments on Jul 21, 2024:

Nice bunch.

So true, so true...

EricJones comments on Jul 20, 2024:

The party of money and greed, and screw anything that gets in the way of money. Because money is power

I love what she did with her stash, too. 😜

EricJones comments on Jul 20, 2024:

She forgot to shave too

It's very simple

EricJones comments on Jul 20, 2024:

True, but yoga doesn't give you a hangover either.

Factual reporting

EricJones comments on Jul 20, 2024:

Like that one. The fun you can have with the english language.

It started early

EricJones comments on Jul 20, 2024:

An Irish cowboy, although he should be drinking Jameson.

Time to scoot

EricJones comments on Jul 20, 2024:

You do what I tell you to do or you ain't getting any is a sure recipe to die a virgin.

I guess it’s better than when they were wearing diapers??

EricJones comments on Jul 20, 2024:

They might not look stupid, but they ARE stupid.

yea she's a good girl!

EricJones comments on Jul 20, 2024:

I like the bottom the best, looks my late maggies eyes. Many mornings I'd wake up with that look over the side of the bed.

I wasn't really inspired

EricJones comments on Jul 20, 2024:

Watched him play college ball, the arena was about 1/4 mile from my dorm. He lived at home and would walk past my dorm at the end of the day. Great player and humble too.

Unhappy in relationships

EricJones comments on Jul 20, 2024:

Barbie dolls must hate it when this guy has a breakup.

Just wait a minute here

EricJones comments on Jul 20, 2024:

I don't get it.

I was watching a recipe video today and learned a new way of saying worcestershire sauce.

EricJones comments on Jul 20, 2024:

I like that. You ask 50 people to say that word and you'll get 60 answers, so I guess that's as good as any of the others.

I have this singing passion but...

EricJones comments on Jul 19, 2024:

One night at work I had a live radio show on and the artist was singing her song (she wrote it) and I was singing along and she forgot the words and I kept going, and the two other people I was working with just looked at me. The next night I brought the cd in with her autograph on it and said that's how I knew the song.

The word spread like a wild fire

EricJones comments on Jul 19, 2024:

If he were George III, I'd say yes there might be a pot shot or two; but Chuckie's not done anything to piss us off, so I don't think he's got anything to worry about.

Can it, chef.

EricJones comments on Jul 19, 2024:

I don't know why, but I'm suddenly hungry

After the software mess of today, I want to be careful. This is strong, right?

EricJones comments on Jul 19, 2024:

30-40 years ago yes, but he's 84 now and I think father time has taken a bit of his edge off. Still wouldn't want to fight him though.

Feeling grateful.

EricJones comments on Jul 19, 2024:

Magic mushrooms, olives, or broccoli, but, that's about it for me.

I am nice but not too nice

EricJones comments on Jul 18, 2024:

So, in other words never trust a diplomat.

Indonesia welcomes you

EricJones comments on Jul 18, 2024:

They said speak it, not spell it.

Go for broke young ladies.

EricJones comments on Jul 18, 2024:

Fun time at the old folks home tonight.

“The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ...

EricJones comments on Jul 18, 2024:

Very true. The rich and the poor lay next to each other in the cemetery, but the legacy you leave behind that makes you great.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The Internet was gripped over the weekend by a wild new ...

EricJones comments on Jul 18, 2024:

Sounds like the nra alright. Maybe somebody should take a 50 caliber machine gun into one of their national meetings and let rip. Maybe they'll see what carnage really is and wakeup.

You won’t see me!

EricJones comments on Jul 18, 2024:

I had some nights that I never made it out of my car after work. I'd park in the driveway and doze off for about 1/2 hour.

Hotels had no other option

EricJones comments on Jul 18, 2024:

Too many patrons giving themselves a soapsuds enema?

Happy HOT Wednesday afternoon!!! 🌞🌞🌞🥵🥵🥵🥵

EricJones comments on Jul 18, 2024:

Bill Clinton's sax playing gotten so bad that he has to dress up like a gorilla to get somebody to listen to him? When someone is trying to find themselves they usually do it alone. The entourage kinda defeats the purpose.

Just in, a medical fact report

EricJones comments on Jul 17, 2024:

And found nothing in the middle. And a later brain scan proved that it is indeed empty space.

They have a plan for November

EricJones comments on Jul 17, 2024:

People were saying that 5 minutes after the shot. No divine being in it's right mind that cares about it's "children" would do such a dumb ass thing.

Me no lie..

EricJones comments on Jul 17, 2024:

Only if she wasn't wearing a sweater. And she shouldn't need the glasses either.

And then there is that statue decoration angle...

EricJones comments on Jul 16, 2024:

That's why I keep my bed sheets tucked in.

VP pick? ☠️💩🤡

EricJones comments on Jul 16, 2024:

Donnie boy wants to create a dynasty so he picked a younger version of himself.

Thanks to the life saving efforts of the Mr Potato Head accessory team trump has a new ear

EricJones comments on Jul 16, 2024:

Well, the inside of his head is a potato, so it seems like a good idea to me.

It hurt my feelings

EricJones comments on Jul 16, 2024:

Well, that relationship just came to a crashing end.

Hotel California?

EricJones comments on Jul 16, 2024:

After woodstock, wavy gravy went into the flooring business

You know anyone would be interested?

EricJones comments on Jul 16, 2024:

Depends what you're doing, it might get in the way.

The original....

EricJones comments on Jul 16, 2024:

The milkman brought me. My mom married the milkman.

From the New Yorker: “And, again, sir, I’m so sorry that I called you America’s Hitler, and...

EricJones comments on Jul 16, 2024:

That should scare the living hell out of a lot of people.

After 3 straight days of the heat index over 105+ degrees I can totally relate to this

EricJones comments on Jul 16, 2024:

I know that feeling. I keep drinking water and juice and it all comes out through my skin.

She's hiring cheap hit men these days.....

EricJones comments on Jul 16, 2024:

Melania must be pissed-promising that kid 20% of the will and he can't shoot straight.

The RNC met today, it looks like they have no morals, they nominated an adjudicated rapist, ...

EricJones comments on Jul 16, 2024:

I keep having a scary thought-the old phrase "nice guys finish last".

I haven't laughed like this in a long time!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

EricJones comments on Jul 14, 2024:

Any trained sniper will tell you aim for the torso, much larger target- harder to miss. In this case, it's like shooting a cow, tiny head-huge body.

Can I just attach a separate sheet with all my meds?

EricJones comments on Jul 14, 2024:

My late girlfriends family really put the fun in dysfunctional. Rednecks worshiped them as gods.

Men only want one thing. Rascals

EricJones comments on Jul 14, 2024:

I think that date ended in a hurry, and not on a happy note.

Does it make a difference?

EricJones comments on Jul 13, 2024:

So they didn't use any dinosaurs from Jurassic park.

So, there you have it...

EricJones comments on Jul 13, 2024:

When people ask me how I am, I like to say "the voices in my head say we are fine today". They usually leave me alone after that.

The worst advice I ever got

EricJones comments on Jul 13, 2024:

They should have included the "you also need to exercise" clause in that statement.

I don't know i would cuddle with her too!

EricJones comments on Jul 13, 2024:

Is that a dangerous blond joke?

If god made man in his own image ...

EricJones comments on Jul 13, 2024:

When pope frankie kicks off, they should make Guido pope. They really need to liven the place up and I think he's just the guy to do it.

...you can never be too careful !

EricJones comments on Jul 12, 2024:

I've got vines in my backyard with thorns like that.

Guy who flunked basic science…

EricJones comments on Jul 12, 2024:

Somebody throw him in a car and tell him you're going to drive him to the edge and throw him off. See how long it takes him to catch on, if ever.

I know...I'll let myself out

EricJones comments on Jul 11, 2024:

I'm getting me a bunch of baguettes and heading for that factory-I love brie. Love the pun too.

is this normal for liberals....

EricJones comments on Jul 11, 2024:

Sounds like donnie boy is getting his dirty laundry aired out.

Is it really the same?

EricJones comments on Jul 11, 2024:

Instead of shit on a shingle, is that fart on a shingle?

Carbon dating

EricJones comments on Jul 11, 2024:

Is that museum match .com??

Arizona here anyone?

EricJones comments on Jul 11, 2024:

My late girlfriend never used her upstairs except for storage. I'm cleaning the place out and a few weeks ago I found a bunch of candles that had melted together.

Will the house sell?

EricJones comments on Jul 11, 2024:

If you can find a matching asshole you're good to go.

A noble goal

EricJones comments on Jul 10, 2024:

Usually I laugh so I guess I must be disturbed.

Behold the field…

EricJones comments on Jul 10, 2024:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vqbk9cDX0l0

🤦🏼‍♀️I can’t believe we’re still talking about the felon who should be in prison…

EricJones comments on Jul 10, 2024:

Don't put him in the kitchen, he'll eat all the food and the inmates will starve.

It didn't come with a warning

EricJones comments on Jul 10, 2024:

Good luck explaining the bruise.

Some South Dakota voter is not happy with Kristin Noem saying she would kill a dog

EricJones comments on Jul 9, 2024:

Take her to the spca, smear her with beef fat, stake her to the floor and open all the cages.

The judge has been trying hard

EricJones comments on Jul 9, 2024:

Trying too hard.

We are almost there! No wait!

EricJones comments on Jul 9, 2024:

I love the MC Escher slinky.

America is for Americans, not immigrants

EricJones comments on Jul 9, 2024:

Why did they photo shop out trumps belly??? Just so they could see bannon? Hell, he's already at camp fed for the summer.

will you watch it?

EricJones comments on Jul 9, 2024:

I think I've got other plans-like watching paint dry.

Campaigning hard to get black votes

EricJones comments on Jul 9, 2024:

I think he's taken that comb over a bit too far.

Short Monday for me!!! 😊😊😊

EricJones comments on Jul 9, 2024:

Tucson is an suv-it doesn't have a trunk, and if it's giving off an odor-it ain't perfect anymore.

I'm with you, mate. 😎

EricJones comments on Jul 9, 2024:

I'm using my hedge trimmers really hard in my late girlfriends yard (about 2 hours a session-her yard was really overgrown) and when I'm done give the blades a spray. Use it all over the place.

Tit for tat price war.

EricJones comments on Jul 8, 2024:

I'm 90 miles west of new york city and this heat wave is brutal, so I can really relate to the bra, shakespeare and the ice machine.

When a Russian troll tells me that they are winning....

EricJones comments on Jul 8, 2024:

Fighting against a free and honest press is a war that can't be won.

Relationships between the sexes

EricJones comments on Jul 7, 2024:

Somebody needs a bath. Somebody needs a food taster Too many chores to do,doing nothing just makes the hole deeper. Only until they get a restraining order and you have to stay 1000 feet away. One wrong word and the moment was all shot to hell. Sounds like somebody's ex is getting raked over the internet coals. Swiping so hard on tinder that your touch screen is wearing out? Not all of us guys are born with a big weeny.

Yeah, not a party girl…

EricJones comments on Jul 7, 2024:

If that girl has a phone in her bedroom, I want her number. I'll give her a call.