Liberty vs Security

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 7, 2018:

It usually boils down to an inability in people to distinguish between free too and freedom from

It's sad that it has come to this in America. [local.theonion.com]

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 7, 2018:

You do know The Onion is satire?

We all need human touch.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 7, 2018:

My grandsons and son no longer want a hug from granddad, but my granddaughters and daughter ( who is transitioning in to another son) show no inclination to end the practice.

Right wing censorship or the long arm of B'nai B'rith? [smh.com.au]

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 7, 2018:

And yet AGAIN we are given one incident out of context with no indication as to how or why such an image came about and what it was meant to illustrate in the over all context of the lecture. This is knee jerk shock journalism about knee jerk reactions from members of other schools within the faculty. Okay the guys political beliefs on dictators (if reported accurately) seem extreme, but his politics are not the subject of his proposed sacking, it is the fact that an illustrative text taken out of context was deemed offensive to a minority. Nazis existed, that is a fact, they stole an ancient symbol and forever tainted it, that is a fact, yes nationalist, especially national socialist doctrine and ideology is offensive and inherently flawed, that is a fact and lead to the holocaust, that is a fact. Saying those facts are unpleasant and upsetting won't make them cease to be facts and won't erase them from history. When I was at university the answer to a contentious point of discussion was to formulate a persuasive counter argument to disprove the original contention. It was NOT to immediately sack the professor and so claim his proposal ceased to exist. That Facts are more important than personal Feeling, is also a valid contention to be discussed. If you feel that statement is wrong, make a valid argument as to why I should listen to you, don't punish the person asking the question because it hurt your feelings to consider it and you have not got the gumption to see the irony in the situation. Sometimes the offensive and unpleasant have to be confronted head on in order to expose them to the light of truth and justice, shooting the messenger will not invalidate the message, no mater how much you want it to. You'll still wake up with the barbarians at the gate, and they won't go away if you just shoot the guard who tells you so.

borborygmus noun bor·​bo·​ryg·​mus | \ˌbȯr-bə-ˈrig-məs \ plural ...

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 7, 2018:

A favourite word of Sir Lancelot Sprat in the "Doctor" series of books by Richard Gordon

This one really gets me riled up! You can't even age pleasantly without some bastard abusing you.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 7, 2018:

a nationwide campaign began about a decade ago in the UK against elder abuse of all kinds , violent, sexual, emotional and verbal when it started to come to light how prevalent it was among relatives, carers, nurses etc. So many people are cowards and bullies, it is unbelievable and the elderly especially those with dementia are easy pickings for these pieces of human excrement

Canada knows its scripture

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 7, 2018:

Viva Frankie Boyle

FORMULARY - Noun.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 7, 2018:

New one to me, thanks

Mentally I often feel young.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 7, 2018:

Alcohol, lots and lots of booze, doesn't stop the pain but makes you care less about it and makes swearing a whole lot easier and more original. "Fuzzintwastardazzbuscuit!"

The Fifth Beatle

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 7, 2018:

Clever ?

Just a quick heads up.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 7, 2018:

so long as it is not extended outside of this forum.

A fireman is polishing his fire engine outside the fire station when he notices a little girl next ...

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 7, 2018:

OW!!!

Has anyone caught an early screening of this one?

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 7, 2018:

Looks good, but for me no one will ever be Elizabeth other than Bette Davis

Not all heroes wear capes. [thereisnews.com]

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

"they will not be able to discharge their functions as altar boys any more." Bet that upset their priest

Not all heroes wear capes. [thereisnews.com]

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

No capes

Making a snow baby?

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

and that is the big difference between a snow man and a snow woman...s'no balls

Is there a difference between Patriotism and Nationalism?

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

A patriot loves his or he country and thinks it the best place to live A nationalist loves his or her race/nationality and thinks it the best thing to be.

What have you learned watching Ancient Aliens tv show?

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

That given a reasonable hypothesis you can always find a moron who when asked to add together two and two will come up with "one hundred and eleventy teen rhubarb and fish crumble" as an answer.

"what if you're wrong" argument response

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

If I'm wrong then I will probably tell Zeus, Wotan, Thor Jupiter or who ever "Well could have been worse you might have been that twat the Christian worship" Then we'll probably have a drink and I'll ask them if it is possible to commit suicide in Asgard.

Welcome new members dunkle3230, Pennworthy8, and SKH78.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

Oh look @Pennworthy8 has blocked me, so sad too bad bye bye

I'm watching the Bush burial as I write this.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

The Apotheosis of the dead pharaoh is nothing new, been going on for tens of thousands of years

I've been making an observation and would like to see what you think.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

Christianity, especially Roman Catholicism and Mormonism are designed to appeal to middle aged women. Firstly they hold up a roll model and aspirational figures for Mothers of grown children, Mother Mary and Heavenly Mother respectively. A powerful female figure who is powerful because she has dedicated her life to the being a mother and nothing else. This gives a lot of women a feeling of vindication if they have not pursued a career or dreams of their own. Secondly middle aged women are the back bone of the church community, it gives them value, makes them useful, they clean, they bake, they provide and arrange floral decoration, they fund raise all the skills of motherhood can be brought to bare for the glory of god and make them feel indispensable. As a bonus too they gain authority over younger women as time goes on, a powerful driving force. Thirdly the promise of reward in heaven for being a "good woman" for sacrificing her life for home family and husband, for tolerating abuse, pain and often ravages on their own body by years of unappreciated hard labour. Lastly the abnegation of responsibility, of course they are "only women" and so cannot be expected to do the actual hard work, because god has given them suffering, periods, pregnancy,menopause, "women's problems" and of course dying in child birth, all that makes up for occasional lapses and guarantees them a place as a handmaiden of the Lord. So what if the Bible says they are second class citizens, should sit down and shut up, should worship their menfolk and be stoned to death for being what they were born if they don't cover up so as not to lead men in to sin. This should not matter anyway as they are not supposed to waste their time read the bible anyway when their female minds could not possibly understand it, they have priest to tell them the bits they need to know, do that and it heavenly bliss forever being a good wife in the hear after forever. I mean damn it what more could she want? Amazingly for thousands of years this line of bullshit has worked and kept the lady plebs in line and paying up.

I think I have just found the greatest Christmas movie of all time.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

Oh that is just magnificent When you have a title like that, you have just got to write the script.

Love??????

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

**Yeah don'tcha just gotta luv him?** *Yeah 'Cos if you don't he will BURN YOUR UNGRATEFUL ASS FOR EVER!*

There is an interesting mathematical system for the Patriarch’s age at death.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

Hey wait no.... Enoch never died at all, he was taken up so (0 times 0 squared)= 0 Never died, that proves it, yayh me

There is an interesting mathematical system for the Patriarch’s age at death.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

I think a few bored scribes probably got drunk on Kosher wine one night and sneering and nudging one another said "This is really going to freak out some clever dick rabbi in 4000 years time who will probably waste his whole life trying to read some stupid esoteric significance into it hahahahahaha Hic"

"STAND UP, ORGANIZE." Prince "SEXUALITY" [youtube.com]

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

Sadly missed, Prince's When Doves Cry is stll one of my all time favourite songs.

OK.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

Tell him to bugger off.

Welcome new members dunkle3230, Pennworthy8, and SKH78.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

@Heraclitus OH you are going to love Pennyworth8 he is hilarious For example he claims atheist don't exist because "Being an athiest (sic) means you don't believe in God. If there were no God you would not have a God to not believe in."

I think we may have done this before, but it's great fun. What are your Top 5 comedies of all time?

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

Monty Python's Holy Grail Modern Times/The Great dictator Mouse on the Moon Evil Roy Slade Sons of the Desert

If they made an accurate movie out of the Bible, it would be rated XXX. [m.ranker.com]

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

Nope it would be banned outright for gross indecency and illegal images of child rape and abuse of a minor.

Who had one of these?

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 5, 2018:

Cycle dynamo, useless thing.

The hardest thing in life is to challenge one's own beliefs.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 5, 2018:

The easiest thing in the world is to rely on facts and then you don't need beliefs.

I had forgotten how cringe-worthy this movie was.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 4, 2018:

Not one of the high points of her career. BUT it is better than the 1992 remake lauded so much at the time of it's release as Arnold Schwarzenegger's debut (and as it turned out finale) as a director.

True for me. Nothing comes close to immersing myself in the music, the crowd, the movement.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 4, 2018:

I saw Ravi Shankar live in 1990, the whole experience was like a trancendental dream, that I can still recall note for note to this day. Music has such power over us, so much more so than anyone could really understand until it is experienced.

What JEFF BRIDGES movie is your favourite?

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 4, 2018:

Thunderbolt and Lightfoot and (and I know I'm going to cop a lot of hate for this but I love the film) R.I.P.D.

This looks to be equally represented but perhaps the me too-ers are blind to anything other than the...

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 4, 2018:

But rap songs that openly advocate spousal abuse, rape and disrespect are cultural art? Saucey humour and double entdre are an important part of western culture, this is a comedy song and jokes by definition have to have a but(t?) of the joke, being able to take a joke is part of our western culture too. Anyone can do this with any song, so what? A part of the magic of art, lyrics, prose and poetry is the battle between the writer and the reader, the various interpretations, the cultural perceptions, the context. Jacque Derrida made a career out of discussing this very idea. Limiting art and thought, censoring possibilities is the gateway to oppression.

Do you agree with Kadhammer's comments?

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 4, 2018:

The American way You come in to my house front door and I will shoot you for trespass and possibly being a threat, I am innocent and protecting my property I walk in to your country try and force my ways on you while robbing you blind and you shoot me? You're a barbarian heathen savage and I have every right to come back with a plane and bomb the living shit out of you for daring to fight back against my civilizing intrusion.

A nine-year old boy goes into the grocery store, grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries ...

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 2, 2018:

lmao

Brilliant just leave this here 😂😂😂😂

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 2, 2018:

Out of the mouths of babes and innocents.....

Am I the only one who feels like America is totally losing it's sense of humor?

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 2, 2018:

No, but a very vocal minority who never had one are wasting their lives trying to tell everyone laughter is socially acceptable victimisation, because either they were bullied at school and had neither the wit or sense to fight back or because they so lack self confidence and any sense of humility and self deprecation that want the world to be a miserably arrogant as they are.

According to one missionary, it’s ok to risk somebody’s death if it means leading him to Christ.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 2, 2018:

According to me it is only okay if the one being sent to his death is the hypocritical twat who said that in the first place.

New favorite picture...

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 2, 2018:

Why has David never been cast as the Joker? No one can combine sinister and charming like he can.

Capitalism . . .

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 1, 2018:

The sentiment is correct even if the grammar and syntax are not. Post war peace is an great intensifier for rebuilding, research, improving and further rearmament to prevent future wars. Prolonged peace however, leads to over population, unemployment, idleness, a weakened populace and a sense of public entitlement, the trivial becomes important, the important becomes an inconvenience that inevitably leads to recession and inflation. War is an excellent remedy for recession. Industry thrives in war time, demand for produces goes up, demand for industrial improvement becomes a necessity, the longer the war, the greater the demand, the larger the army the less unemployment. Capitalism not only thrives on war, it makes it a necessary part of the cycle boom and bust (no pun intended), it thins the herd, strengthens the stock, improves the gene pool and grows the economy.

So, has anyone ever noticed those GIANT random crosses along the highways of the US, not affiliated ...

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 1, 2018:

Hopefully it is in preparation for the coming martian invasions and is their equivalent of "Attack here for there be only Morons."

How do you see the future of science education?

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 1, 2018:

Have you not realised that education in state schools has for some decades now not been about education at all? It is simply a method of preparing the majority of people for a life of inane conformity, obedience and acceptance of the status quo. It is all about classification, quantification and social control.

A family was having dinner on Mother's Day.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 1, 2018:

THE MERCHANT OF VENICE Act 2 Scene 2 Line 73-75

How does this not make sense?

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 1, 2018:

Much as I love a good debate and the fine and beautiful use of language to make and prove a point, sometimes on rare occasions one simple has to say FUCK THE FUCKING FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING FUCKWIT OF A DILDO BRAINED WANKER. this I believe to be one of those times

Is the anthropomorphism of animals and inanimate objects, ie.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 1, 2018:

It is fine so long as you explain it is fantasy, not real and don't encourage them to give Scooby 10% of their income for life or else "the Rhost will gret them"

Continuing with the hard "k" sound.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 1, 2018:

When i was a kid, apparently, my parents tell me for years I refused to stop saying my Dad's old jallopy was left in the Par Cark

It could be an honest mistake but I think the kid’s an atheist and was going to put buy bullshit ...

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 1, 2018:

lmao

Men are like fine wine ??

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 30, 2018:

Okay two can play at that game

What's the movie that you watch over and over?

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 30, 2018:

If I am down, or upset I have two go to cheer me up films Life of Brian 1979 and Mouse on the Moon 1963

Far Side piranha meme

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 30, 2018:

?????

I still know some very nice or mostly nice Mormons.

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 30, 2018:

Mormon's claim they do not shun, and as a policy they do not, however they also ask at "Worthiness interviews" if you associate with vexatious or apostate persons, say yes and no recommend. Yet another example of Mormon double talk. Everything in the LDS is conditional on obedience and conformity. So far as civil rights are concerned the SCC is still the most homophobic, sexist and racist church on the face of the earth, the child of a same sex couple cannot be baptised until they turn 18 and completely disavow their parents, their life style and move out of their home. Former prophet Ezra Taft Benson condemned the whole civil rights movement as a "commie plot" to weaken the USA. A Mormon who turns up at a crisis event and does not wear the silly yellow apron with the churches name all over it, they risk excommunication, because after all god only sends Tsunamis and earthquakes as opportunities for to do missionary work. It is sad how members of god's one true church reject friends and even family when they stray from .the path of the brainwashed pervert worshipping conman Joseph Smith.

Which was your favorite Saturday Morning Show?

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 30, 2018:

Casey Jones, without a doubt, loved that show. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RelP5Q1cGLM

Man-made.....

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 30, 2018:

Man made gods, unfortunately lead to men made gods.

Our bus is here... hop on!

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 29, 2018:

We had a case in this country a couple of years ago of an employee being fired for refusing to wear his works security ID badge because his payroll number was 666. He took them to court and claimed he had been unfairly dismissed on religious grounds because of his beliefs and his refusal to wear "the badge of Satan" When I checked this out for a source I found seven other cases of the same thing in the USA, apparently one guy even sued the IRS for having 666 in his tax reference number. You've got to love these guys, it takes real work to be that fucking stupid.

Because.....

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 29, 2018:

that about sums it up. Though I would add the codicil that I have faith I feel it is true Just look around you Read the Bible and You'll find out when you are dead Do not constitute evidence.

[spiegel.de] German view on Brexit and the Isle of Madness

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 29, 2018:

Where I live I realised fairly quickly people did not understand what was happening. Which is why it makes me laugh when politicians talk about the “the People” knowing what they were doing and what they wanted when they voted in the referendum (ref-eren-DUMB). The basic consensus from the man in the street, or at least the man in the pub seemed to be that Brexit meant... 1 Vote Leave on Thursday 2 Leave on Friday and open up a dozen new Hospitals and ban licensing laws 3 Kick out all the Brown people on Saturday morning back to Europestan or were ever they all cummed from, close all the mosques and turn them in to betting shops on the afternoon, get rid of the Romanians and Poles by nine o'clock in the evening, after they finished fitting my new kitchen. 3a Make talkin' proper English an' singin' god save the queen compulsory, and then moan about how there ain't any curry houses and Kebab shops any more. 4 Stop teachin' the kids foreign rubbish in school on the following Monday, then reopen the Kebab shops and curry houses run by white people. 5 Get the empire back by Christmas and canonise Churchill and Thatcher.

Smart children don’t do that, so they don’t need a sign, responsible adults would never chance ...

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 29, 2018:

Nomophobic hell

[amazon.com] Yes well if you didn't want a tree in the house before you surely do NOW.

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 29, 2018:

Don't be surprised if it gets you baby in to the longest game of peek a boo ever.

In response to a comment made in a group I found the following link and whilst I realise that ...

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 29, 2018:

I remember getting a 3d bit (thrup'ny bit) pocket money (allowance) every Friday as a young boy

What are some of your favourite responses to the watchmaker argument?

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 28, 2018:

What do I think if I find a watch laying on a path Some clumsy bugger has given me some ebay stock. Still doesn't prove there is a god, just careless people

Sounds like a real big fuckin' stretch there, Christians.

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 28, 2018:

Erm as I recall and was taught there were five gifts of the spirit (evangelism, prophecy, tongues, counseling, healing) not seven, that's why it was called Pentecost are they just making this shit up or has the Bible been Mandela-ed?

MISANTHROPY: mis-an-thro-py.

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 28, 2018:

I rather classify myself as a misanoitist than a Misanthropist, Misandrist of Misogynist

From @heather2367 in the memes group. This made me laugh out loud!

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 28, 2018:

I've still got loads of those, my son thinks they are hillarious

Outpacing birthrates of other religions and birthing an army for God has always been the true intent...

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 28, 2018:

I was brought up in an era when many catholic churches had anti-contraception posters outside declaring **"God must not be denied souls"** Religions always try and out breed one another.

From Thanksgiving on.

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 28, 2018:

Scrooged

51 years ago ??

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 28, 2018:

Cool movie

A fundamentalist Bible Belt politician - I think maybe the state of Missouri (Misery) has gone on a ...

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 28, 2018:

It is worse than it seems, the speech by Tod Akin former U.S. Representative for Missouri's 2nd congressional district was actually referring to his own daughters when he said **"I want them [his daughters] to build home based enterprises and live in homes shared with good husbands and I don't want them to grow into career obsessed banshees who forego home life and children and the happiness of family to become nail-biting manophobic hell-bent feminist she devils who shriek from the tops of a thousand tall buildings...And I don't buy the non-stop feminization campaign against manhood. Men and women are different and gender-bending word games by a goofy nest of drugstore academics aren't going to change anything"**

Funniest light switch ever???

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 28, 2018:

There were a whole range of these, no one is ever going to convince me they were not deliberate.

Name your Top 3 favourite computer animated full-length feature films.

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 28, 2018:

Beowolf 2007 Gantz 0 2016 Sausage Party 2016

Sometimes believers argue that religion has played a great role make human being civilised.

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 28, 2018:

If anything religion has held back civilization in favour of barbarism and tribalism, humanity has become more civilised in spite of religion rather than due to it.

SOPHISTRY - Noun.

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 28, 2018:

Sophistry is the philosophical equivalent of scientific intellectualism, pushing the belief that all disciplines can like mathematics be reduced to expositions of pure reason, with out the necessity for testing, experimentation of even evidence. It is so, because it is reasonable for it to be so. Some believe all theoretical science to be acts of sophistry until they can be practically applied, while others disagree arguing the theory is enough because it satisfies sets of unprovable but established principles in theory. A classic example is "Cogito ergo sum" I think, therefore I am, which sounds reasonable until considered more deeply when all that can actually be said is "There is an awareness of thought "quod cogitatio cognitio"

While redecorating a church, three nuns become extremely hot and sweaty in their habits, so Mother ...

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 28, 2018:

Classic Dawn French Joke

Been an admitted atheist for over 10 years now.

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 27, 2018:

The most difficult part for me was all the other simpletons blathering on inanely about her "being up their looking down on us", "Being with the angels" and lying to their children about how they would see her again one day. Worst was all the whispering vultures demanding to know when and where the will was going to be read. For me it was a moment to reminisce on the good done in life, the legacy of her goodness and acceptance that all things pass to make way for the new. I had to leave early to stop myself from yelling all the happy hypocrites to STFU

And The Darwin award goes to

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 27, 2018:

Yup.

MAWKIT.

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 27, 2018:

It reminds me of the probably related gaelic word Bogle (Bho-gull) from where we get Boogieman an evil spiritual creature, responsible or bad smalls, evil luck, poisoned wells and madness.

Should the Philipines President be invited to join our site?

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 27, 2018:

Duterte seems to enjoy pissing off the rest of the world with the sole exception of Trump. His policy seems to be revisionist Machiavellian in the extreme. To paraphrase "Remove the people, you remove the problem!"

A thought provoking article from George Galloway on the possibility of another Crimea: Another ...

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 27, 2018:

To give due credit Galloway is an excellent orator and writer, a powerful speaker and an engaging personality. ***However*** while always knowledgeable he is often not intelligent in his choice of words and actions. While pragmatic his compassion is often lacking or misdirected. If anything he is perhaps a UK version of Rush Limbaugh (or mirror there of politically) a political commentator you may hate for his opinions, but enjoy for his sheer entertainment value and provocative rhetoric.

Something folks say a lot that always lands with a thud on my brain and a "WTF?

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 26, 2018:

If there is any truth in such an asinine statement, it simply goes to prove still further what we all know so well, the Christian God is a sadistic wanker.

[play.howstuffworks.com] Tell me what you get from taking the quiz.

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 26, 2018:

atheism

Take The Impossible Quiz [theimpossiblequiz.net]

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 26, 2018:

Rubbish, first question has the wrong answer.

ANFRACTUOUS: (adjective) characterized by windings and turnings; sinuous; circuitous: an anfractuous...

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 26, 2018:

Makes sense, that which bends does not break A without Fratus to break as in fracture Anfractuous bendy

Single looking sometimes happy

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 26, 2018:

People often mistake momentary flashes of joy in the eternal dark night of misery for the myth that is happiness ??

My pet peeve about going to the movies.

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 26, 2018:

all to true

Welcome new member Happenstance.

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 26, 2018:

hi

Elmer went to see his doctor and asked if he had ever laughed at a patient.

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 26, 2018:

This reminds of the story of a deep sea fisherman who goes to the doctor in a long mac socks shoes and very little else. The doctor asks what is wrong and the fisherman opens his coat to reveal a dangling lobster clinging viciously to his wedding tackle with both front claws. "He got a hold of me on the last voyage and he will no let go" drawled the trawler man. "Arm in agony doc, please help!" The doctor googles the problem but can find nothing in the medical texts, so googles "lobsters, removal of" again nothing, finally he comes across and article by a cook in new Orleans who recommended concussive shock, hitting the beast behind the head with a large hammer, to render it unconscious and relaxed. So fetching a hammer from the caretaker the doctor tapped the lobster behind the head, to no effect, so he tried again a little harder again no effect, so mustering all his strength,fetched the sea monster a heavy wallop. The Lobster whimpered, "ow", let go of the unfortunate fisherman's member and fell to the floor in a heap of confusion. The fisherman went on his way relieved and the Doctor enjoyed a Lobster dinner. Many years later this same doctor was an aged and respected consultant in a prestigious Harley street clinic, when a young colleague came to him for advice. "I've never seen anything like it," explained the young doctor. "What is it?" asked the venerable sage. "I can't explain it," said the young man. "Come and have a look." "I'll need my reading glasses" says the old man, but is assured there is no time by his younger colleague and he will not need them. Both doctors enter a cubicle and there is a man with a huge red lobster hanging from his pride and joy. "Oh I know exactly how to deal with this," smirked the smug old Doctor, seeing a chance to up his reputation in the eyes of the young. "Fetch me the biggest hammer you can find." Some what confused the you physician did so and watched in awe as the old Doctor, drew back the hammer and gave the lobster a mighty wallop right behind the neck. The patient screamed and leapt up on top of a cupboard in obvious agony. "Odd," said the old doctor. "The Lobster usually falls right off." The patient and younger doctor cried out in unison "What fucking Lobster!!"

What are your thoughts about the attractiveness of pregnant women?

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 26, 2018:

I never found my wife more sexy and desirable than when she was pregnant, I think many husbands feel the same way, pregnancy is a great bonding process.

We constantly deceive and lie to our children that we love about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the ...

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 26, 2018:

My son, now an adult, still resents the fact that we lied to him about these things. On the other hand when at five years old he accused us of lying about Santa et al. However without being told he lumped Jesus/ etc in with them as equally if not more ridiculous. I was called in to his school when he was eight and berated by his teacher for Ben having confronted his teacher publicly and asking her in front of the whole class why she was lying to them all, about Santa. I simply asked "were you lying?" she said "Technically I suppose so, yes" I looked to the Head teacher (principle) who was desperately trying not to laugh and asked if they seriously expected me to punish my child for telling the truth to his peers when some one was lying to them. I ended up telling my son that in future he should wait till after class and speak to the teacher privately and ask her to explain why Santa is considered a socially acceptable untruth.

In your long history of ancestors there was a FIRST ONE.

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 25, 2018:

It obviously did, and one day we may know how. I'll tell you what the least likely explanation is, that a higher being (outside of time and space) who had always existed and always will and so definitely did not pop out of nothing, decided to create an inferior being out of nothing and dropped it in to a garden in the middle east with a talking snake and a woman made out of his rib and a tree they weren't allowed to eat from. That may not be "mere laws of physics" but it definitely is "mere bullshit"

Wow, pray for a nation of ultra-wealthy, pampered terrorists who have outlawed all religions except ...

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 25, 2018:

Well since that is sort of like asking your wife to give up her fur coat because your girl friend is sitting in a draft, don't expect anything good to come of such a request.

Lol so true ??

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 25, 2018:

Confusing What you call biscuits in the US we call Dumplings or Scones in the UK, and what we call biscuits you call cookies. The things in the picture look like Cornish Wafers None of them come in cans

Lost in Space

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 25, 2018:

I had all of my life time collection books organised by author, year, fiction and none fiction. I came home one night after work to find my wife had kindly rearranged them by size, because it "looked neater" ?

Talks like and idiot: “I hollered, ‘My name is John, I love you and Jesus loves you,’ ” ...

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 25, 2018:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsOf0TZPPWY

Talks like and idiot: “I hollered, ‘My name is John, I love you and Jesus loves you,’ ” ...

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 25, 2018:

Same sort of idiot who would climb in to a Lion enclosure at the Zoo to preach veganism confident they would not eat him, because his name was Daniel.

I just wanted to put this out there in the Either! Somehow KARMA does find a way!

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 25, 2018:

"I just wanted to put this out there in ***the ether***"

Best response to "You may not believe in god, but god believes in you"?

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 25, 2018:

"Have you any idea how fucking stupid that makes you sound, you bloody fool,"

"Find what you love and let it kill you.

LenHazell53 comments on Nov 25, 2018:

I always took this phrase to mean that if you find something worth living for you have found something worth dieing for.