The Devils In The Phone Booth Dialing 911 - YouTube

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 6, 2023:

Religion is worse than meth...

Anita Plow.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 5, 2023:

There are times I love living in Southern California... Like when I look up at the mountains and see all the snow realizing I don't have to shovel off my walkways...

Way to insult Freddy.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 4, 2023:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvcpOY91eWs=TheHolyModalRounders-Topic

My wife thinks I don't give her enough privacy.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 4, 2023:

Well that is one place to look for any plans to bump you off for the insurance money...

Old habits die hard....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 4, 2023:

The only thing I want to hear about my ex-wife's life is her death...

Clint has aged well 1885-2023

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2023:

I wouldn't call talking to empty chairs in public as "aging well"

Disney Tales that Florida doesn't want you to hear

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2023:

Doing it doggy style.... woof woof.

Christopher Titus [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2023:

Yep that is about the size of it....

Another reason crows are cool.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2023:

Or maybe they are just feeling a bit.... er... peckish?....

Last call, not gonna call again

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2023:

Proof he existed found at an archaeological dig in Jerusalem..

Man does not need gold, diamonds or yachts

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2023:

Storage room for the ex girlfriends?...

He's in trouble

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2023:

I wonder who gets the maid in the divorce....

The reason ground hog day has to keep getting new "Phills"

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2023:

Did they remember the Fava beans and a nice class of chianti?...

I just found this one, and I knew I had the right audience here. LOL

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2023:

She is a dick....

Meanwhile back in Pennsylvania....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2023:

Already stolen, sent and getting responses...

Adult Humor: Taylor Tomlinson I've been watching her videos and she is hilarious! [youtu.be]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2023:

Damn I would love to date a woman who told jokes like that...

Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow and predicts 6 more weeks of winter I propose a meal for the ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2023:

I prefer mine roasted with a side a Fava beans...

Lewis Black [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2023:

Any sign saying "Republicans at work" is actually a joke... Not a very funny one but still a joke...

Speechless at this point. When my pets mess up

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 1, 2023:

Took me ages but my cat finally taught me not to leave toilet paper where he could get to it if I wanted to wipe my ass...

Better keep this in mind when the time comes.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 1, 2023:

Death: But you have to leave sooner or later....

Apparently this is old, but I hadn't seen it. [youtu.be]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 1, 2023:

Very old but still funny in its own way...

What do cannibals call a womb? A slow-cooker.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 1, 2023:

The reason so many Christians take communion is that they don't have to wait 9 months for blood and flesh....

Nailed it...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 1, 2023:

Less than 4 years behind you....

Chilli stories “Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2023:

In short some fairly decent chilis.... Nothing to spicy but ok for clearing your sinuses when you have a cold....

Mrs. Betty Bowers [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2023:

I love Devin Green's work...

My friend found out that her dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the vet.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2023:

Pharmacist would have shit himself if she had told him her Schnauzer had hairy ears...

Just so you know...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2023:

Hell is a great place for a vacation.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfGggAGITwg=2CELLOS

Speaker of the House - Randy Rainbow Song Parody [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2023:

...

A thought: I was wondering about Superman, the man of steel.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2023:

"Poor Superman" By Fritz Leiber

Bark away!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2023:

Cats are smarter.... a cat would have run away from home and found a new slave by that point... After shitting in the instruments of course...

If only...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2023:

And if they had been beavers they would have eaten the tree...

I never knew polar bears had Indian accents.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2023:

If it was a Dodge em then Ram em or a Shovey they wouldn't be able to afford coverage....

We probably shouldn't name them until we've had them for a few weeks

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2023:

Typical dog... I just call most of them "Shithead"

from the mouths of quite literal babes

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2023:

Reminds me of many people I know or have had to deal with including most so-called "customer service representatives..."

Young fellow had no idea the size of the can of whoop ass he was opening.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2023:

Nice hot buns....

You're going to have to do some quick thinking

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2023:

Now that is some pussy...

Russian prime minister Medvedev comes to Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2023:

Oops all that trouble to set up a hit and he accidentally told them about it...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 29, 2023:

....

That's when I switched to data design. 😜

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 29, 2023:

I would have switched to guiding assholes...

American media is biased, no outlet reported it

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 29, 2023:

When someone posts something like this about it you know they are too short to have ever had that problem...

Feminism with a twist

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 28, 2023:

There are to edges to that sword...

Valentine's is coming.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 28, 2023:

And women complain about vacuum cleaners and toasters.... Such irony...

I am not photogenic either

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 28, 2023:

I have sent worse to scammers trying to get me to send them dick pics or selfies....

Did the cat win?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 28, 2023:

I rarely have problems handling cats even feral ones...

Happy Saturday!!!! 😂😂😂😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 28, 2023:

The paint ain't store?...

In different frequencies - again. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 28, 2023:

Best way to get some time to yourself?... Make her mad.

How to get the police to come quickly...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 28, 2023:

I always wanted to open a donut shop named the Brass Donut.... the sign would be a huge cop badge with a bullet hole in it...

Everyone loves morning wood!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 28, 2023:

Do they pay in dollars or dicks?....

Latest edition. You watched it?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2023:

No I don't even own an idiot box.

This is now a raging issue

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2023:

Curious to see if the Republicans start calling for Pence's head on a platter...

Short on cash? There are ways.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2023:

She can dance on mine any day...

So I went to see my new primary care doctor and he tells me I'm doing 'fairly well' for my age.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2023:

Ramen to that...

Tired of Covid-19? Wait, there is help.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2023:

I could use some of this to spike the beers of FAUX viewers...

Jehovah, the great prankster. Such a kidder.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2023:

Stuck it to him didn't he?...

Don't worry, you will know

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2023:

Great for those times the cops start following you around....

I haven't seen a new bacon meme in a while

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2023:

Me: Now with less fat and far more salt....

More Valentine's festivities for everyone

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2023:

Husband: What no more threesomes?

All these damned holidays coming at me at once, I may as well just stay drunk.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2023:

A drunkard's dream workout....

Not going to testify as to the accuracy, but it would be extremely fitting.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2023:

This was in a South African newspaper apparently but some people are claiming it is false, but me? I am hoping it was true. We will have to wait to see if it checks out... https://www.esquireme.com/news/lion-hunter Not this one but Karma is a real bitch and it did happen... https://nypost.com/2022/07/04/riaan-naude-trophy-hunter-who-killed-lions-elephants-shot-dead/

More Valentine's Cheer for your pleasure

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2023:

Stalker wanted... No guns or knives please...

I hear that she shudders everytime she passes a plastic recycling center.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2023:

Probably afraid someone will lure her in...

Not going to testify as to the accuracy, but it would be extremely fitting.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2023:

Go lions!...

Looking for a bargain

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2023:

Those are not the blood spatters you are looking for...

Is this true? Anybody?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2023:

The upgraded ones... And the Germans are going to release their main battle tanks as well I am thinking that things are about to become interesting...

An Amazon review

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2023:

After Grandma was buried and he started dating those young gals I bet Grandpa was thrilled...

I guess she told him

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2023:

Last time Daniel tried to shave his pussy that poor cat fought for hours...

You did college for nothing

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2023:

PHD = Piled Higher and Deeper...

A proctologist had become fed up and was burned out, he decided to become a mechanic.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2023:

Betting that car's tail pipe was exhausted.....

Goodnight!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2023:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNpxbHo4aFw=HISTORY

Goodnight!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2023:

Kid is damned lucky they didn't borrow pop's nail gun...

NEVER bet on a sure thing...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 25, 2023:

The tortoise was nature's very first mobile home....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 25, 2023:

A lot of poverty in the UK these days because of austerity politics which makes this un-amusing at best. BREXIT has hurt them badly and government cuts to the social safety net programs are really hurting the average guy while the rich are still doing better than ever. Sound familiar?

That did not go well, slink slowly into the shadows

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 25, 2023:

Be really bad if that naked dude was her brother or father...

I will continue my posting of items from the FFRF newsletter.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 25, 2023:

...

Mar-a-logo at tax time...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 25, 2023:

And worth billions when he applies for a loan....

👁👁👁👁🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 24, 2023:

Stan Lee knew nothing about science so he just made shit up as he went along... Well strike that he knew one bit of science.... He knew people were gullible fools who would believe anything they read in a comic book.

Snow problem, dear.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 24, 2023:

Snow shit.... California is at 250% of normal snowpack this year...

Thankfully there is no hell, so laugh away.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 24, 2023:

If hell were real I would own it...

Guy giving a lecture, on the paranormal. Guy: "How many people believe in Ghosts?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 24, 2023:

Sounds like Paddy lives in Texas....

I will no longer be single this year. Finally...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 23, 2023:

No ball and chain but you will definitely be anchored down....

Authentication couldn't be simpler. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 23, 2023:

10 years and he still looks like a taxi going down the street with the doors open...

Breaking News!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 23, 2023:

You would think by now he would do the smart thing and resign then change his name as well as have surgery to make sure nobody would recognize him....

Rev up your engine!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 23, 2023:

*sighs* The word "macaroni" when the song was written was English slang for something good or wonderful....

Just sit down and listen to this crappy music until we are good and ready for you.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 22, 2023:

Even getting crappy hold music on scammer calls these days....

It's always fun watching new parents learn about what they thought they'd never do.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 22, 2023:

Smoke pepper grass it's fun...

So, what do you do?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 22, 2023:

She would make a lot more on only fans...

I knew a lot of people that hated those surprise tests.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 22, 2023:

Shouldn't the bible be considered a class one drug?...

Sign of the times...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 22, 2023:

Egg farmers are in bad shape this year because of a outbreak of the bird flu which is why egg prices are so high. In Nebraska alone 1.8 million birds had to be destroyed... https://www.pbs.org/newshour/health/bird-flu-outbreak-prompts-slaughter-of-1-8-million-chickens-in-nebraska

A bear was smoking a joint, leaning on a tree when a rabbit came by.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 22, 2023:

They have shit out now that a couple hits and you wouldn't feel jack shit if a bus ran over your ass...

A doctor was walking down the street one day when he noticed coming towards him one of his 85 year ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 21, 2023:

At least he will die with a smile on his face not knowing if he is cumming or going....

Dave Allen on Airplanes

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 21, 2023:

Had an engine go out on the plane I was on when I was young... I was sitting next to a couple engineers from the company that built it and were were having a great time making jokes about it and drinking the free booze the stewardesses kept bring us in hopes we would shut up...

The 'bro code' is almost sacred.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 21, 2023:

I bet she wonders why she doesn't get a lot of second dates...

No matter our strengths, we can still have issues.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 21, 2023:

She looks like a lot of fun...

Be very careful when you select your pets.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 21, 2023:

"A tisket, a tasket, a head in a basket...." Pretty sure that was Robert Heinlein The way corporate greed is destroying the economy the entire country is on the verge of reenacting the French Revolution.

I don't know, I'm still trucking along...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 21, 2023:

Maybe not mice but they sure trap cocks...

I hope they follow through

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 21, 2023:

Mark Fuckerbeg's church I hope...

Holy shit! That would hurt!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 21, 2023:

Somebody will never masturbate on the shitter again....

No refunds, No returns, No exchanges CASH ONLY

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 20, 2023:

Be perfect for one of those LED screen heaters and if you could set it up with concealed doors you could securely store items you want to keep safe but might need fast access to...

He is not sarcastic

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 20, 2023:

Anything over a handful or mouthful just goes to waist..... Over time due to gravity...

And the Oscar goes too...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 19, 2023:

...