Holy shit! That would hurt!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 21, 2023:

Somebody will never masturbate on the shitter again....

No refunds, No returns, No exchanges CASH ONLY

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 20, 2023:

Be perfect for one of those LED screen heaters and if you could set it up with concealed doors you could securely store items you want to keep safe but might need fast access to...

He is not sarcastic

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 20, 2023:

Anything over a handful or mouthful just goes to waist..... Over time due to gravity...

And the Oscar goes too...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 19, 2023:

...

Nope, that's not it

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 19, 2023:

No just not even....

An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor to have a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 19, 2023:

Old age problems...

Fortunes for the "Boys" nothing for the workers! :-(

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 19, 2023:

In the US the Tories were considered traitors....

He found a perfect barber

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 19, 2023:

Lucky for him he didn't say to take a bit off the top or he might have ended up with the nickname "Shorty"

Sounds about right...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 19, 2023:

And they don't even see the irony...

The same thing

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 19, 2023:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBURLdhmmZ8=TheSurfaris-Topic

I just wish ours was worth as much as yours.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 18, 2023:

Yeah but yours is prettier and you have to remember that at least Franklin wasn't a slave holder... I would honestly like to see Washington's portrait replaced with that of the man who should have been the father of this country Thomas Paine...

Now Kangaroo too?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 18, 2023:

Happens a lot these days...

Leonardo d Vinci hid many secrets in his paintings but this wasn't one of 'em.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 18, 2023:

I didn't think so because the straight razor wasn't invented until the 17th century....

Only in Canada, eh?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 18, 2023:

Can't have that pussy getting cold...

Will wonders never cease?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 18, 2023:

Be thankful she isn't your wife.... yet.

And we all should have known that.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 18, 2023:

GQP Barbie....

I'm tired of hunting and don't want to just run retreads

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 18, 2023:

The new Black....

It's a not so hot moment.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 18, 2023:

And they make the best chili....

Oi diddle opin hit ether! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 18, 2023:

Some idiot just tried to get me to log into a fake Discover website to "read a secured message" so while the meme is funny be extremely careful there are a lot of fraudsters out there these days....

Good morning! Hope you have a good day!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 18, 2023:

Yep that bin is all about you isn't it?...

Quite plausible this, if he had any balls in the first place? :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 18, 2023:

If they had been any smaller she could have had them made into earrings...

Musical humor.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 18, 2023:

Saved the best for last didn't you?...

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 18, 2023:

Save 10% by shopping together....

Billy Connolly - Evangelists & Jehovah's Witnesses

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 18, 2023:

Both of them have something in common... they are full of shit.

The Pope and an Atheist - Dave Allen - YouTube

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 18, 2023:

How come when he says it people laugh and when I tell a religious fucktard that they get angry?...

Mickey D's is big in the south!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 17, 2023:

Another small penis truck... All jacked up and no place to go.

Seems perfectly logical.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 17, 2023:

Works for me....

Someone needs a divorce lawyer.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 17, 2023:

As I have always said Friday the 13th is my lucky day.... All the stupid and annoying people stay home and leave me the fuck alone...

Hmmm looky there.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 17, 2023:

At least now you can tell who is actually taking a shit and who is just jerking off....

She seems really calm for just surviving an attack

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 17, 2023:

Come to Papa Bear sweety....

Who says you can't belong to more than one?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 17, 2023:

How many times a day do they have sex?....

What the fking hell are they talking about?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 17, 2023:

Makes you wonder if they use a gas stove...

Who the hell leaked this very confidential information?!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 17, 2023:

Well if you women would stop leaving the doo doo stains maybe we wouldn't have to right?...

Graduate of the George Santos k-9 school...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 17, 2023:

But at least this one isn't a traitor and is useful...

A man, obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 17, 2023:

Too early in the morning for jokes that bad...

What a hangover, I'm finally alive! Lol!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 17, 2023:

Love the ones about Tucker Carlson M&Ms and the Republican small penis shoes....

Never a borrower nor a lender be. Especially not the good bra.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 16, 2023:

One question.... why?

Blackadder goes forth,

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 16, 2023:

His back alley?....

RIP Jeff Beck.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 16, 2023:

Washington and Santos are both noted liars...

Just looked in the veggie bin

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 16, 2023:

Those will definitely put the bite on you....

When you have a bad day Give Up Go home and sleep Fuck it! Try again tomorrow Now every bad day...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 16, 2023:

The Alfred E Neuman school of philosophy....

You know they were fully loaded and running empty at the same time

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 16, 2023:

Grease must have leaked out of the bags...

A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip abroad, so he thought he'd buy his wife ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 16, 2023:

Where can I buy one of those.... I know some very deserving people on the city council...

Must we really?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 16, 2023:

They call them that because they taste like shit right?...

So sue me if you don't like it. Are you prepared to go to court over it?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 16, 2023:

Should have been a pitbull wearing a MAGA hat in that meme....

Time to begin the VD memes (Valentines Day you perverts)

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 15, 2023:

Doesn't he usually carry an AR?....

For all you trekkies. 😁

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 15, 2023:

Now there is the face that to launch a thousands ships.... To get as far away as possible from it.

That's the question

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 15, 2023:

Did they at least use a new rope?...

Yeah, Cut through that BS

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 15, 2023:

Independent fact checkers have come to the conclusion that nothing in the babble is true...

THE PROGRESSIVE SHIP OF MORALITY HAS BEEN ROCKED Fox News and other conservative media are going ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 15, 2023:

Got a newsflash for you... That asshole only ran as a Democrat because he wanted people to vote for him.... He was a registered Republicunt and changed parties. He is a conservative that supports conservative causes and always has been and about as "progressive" as Donny the Dumbass as well as just as criminal... He has switched back and forth between parties several times and is a close associate of conservatives from both parties like Gingrich, and the Clintons. He was chosen to run because he is wealthy and immoral to block progressives in the primaries and if you check his donation record you will find that piece of shit has donated more to Republicans than he has the Democrats. Nice to see you falling for the QANON set's bullshit Sinner. You sure are making these politically and scientifically ignorant fucktards from the far right happy...

Just to clear things up for those who don't really know me.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 15, 2023:

Joke em if they can't take a fuck...

Here comes that slimy guy with his posts again!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 15, 2023:

Or bitch and moan because they are offended by my funny posts because they target their religious beliefs in something obviously ridiculous....

Better watch out guys, the wife is onto your every move.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 15, 2023:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLIYPdZeYeU=MalivaiRonaldo%C3%81lvarezMeza

Anyone ever go over to instagram anymore?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 15, 2023:

Kind of ballsy if you ask me....

This guy should be the most famous quitter in the world!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 14, 2023:

And in two years after he blows all his money out of his ass he will be begging his manager for his job back.... Want to bet on what that guy's reply will be?.... Ahh and it looks like he did it right at Keister time too...

Does this look familiar to anybody?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 14, 2023:

It helps to have a sharp mind and tongue to match so you can say "What, me worry?..."

I seen lots of people wanting Trump locked up for documents so where are all the people wanting ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 14, 2023:

Nice fake news outfit in Germany you get your misinformation from... You do realize that it is owned by Nazis right?....

I seen lots of people wanting Trump locked up for documents so where are all the people wanting ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 14, 2023:

What are you a religious conservative?... Notice that it is Biden's aides finding these documents and turning them over to the proper authorities? Not the FBI serving search warrants after Trump intentionally STOLE the documents and allegedly sold information to foreign governments resulting in thousands of deaths along with documents on US nuclear secrets that his moronic son was trying to sell the the Saudi terrorist regime? Also nobody is mentioning what these classified documents are which tells me that they are probably less important and lower security classifications that the top secret documents Trump stole. I am guessing that Biden was having lawyers go through his papers with an eye on a presidential library and when the first few showed up ordered a full review of ALL his papers unlike Trump who openly stole the documents and then denied he had any... Also Biden is under investigation at this time to be sure there was no intentional wrong doing on his part...

Pigeon: Aha!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 14, 2023:

The car or his head?.... Decisions, decisions....

Just asked the librarian at my public library if Prince Harry’s book is available to download ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 13, 2023:

Just kidding?....

Atheist kids go to church.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 13, 2023:

Everyone is born an atheist, it is fear and indoctrination which turns them into a religious zombie...

An old Jewish man is lying in his deathbed with his tearful wife by his side.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 13, 2023:

Blame the wife instead of bad life decisions.... My bad life decision was getting married.

I can relate...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 13, 2023:

Republicans.... Did you hear what they are trying to pass in the house?... The bad news is they want to end income tax... The worse news is they want to replace it with a 23% federal sales tax...

Islam isn't a religion because this is a Tererism.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 13, 2023:

I have a simple question.... What in the name of fuck is a "tererism?"

Tell me if I am wrong

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 13, 2023:

After the relationship ends though you *sign that you can't...*

What's up with that Jose?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 13, 2023:

Only if it is a good one...

Are you really sure?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 13, 2023:

Butt what I mint was.....

Well, you took their word for it. 😹

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 12, 2023:

It also eliminates rats and mice...

Bet Trump is having a laugh now

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 12, 2023:

Well considering that the documents are being found by his own lawyers and immediately returned to the authorities unlike Trump who deliberately stole hundreds of documents and not only denied it but refused to return them and allegedly sold information contained by those documents to enemies of the United States.... Biden could easily have had those documents destroyed instead and only he and his lawyers would have known.

Canadian, eh?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 12, 2023:

So then Alberta is the Deep South of Canada?...

Lesson learned...Maybe

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 12, 2023:

Looking forward to Mark Fuckerberg going bankrupt...

Hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 11, 2023:

Yeah I have hung out with stupid before.... got me a ex-wife and a lot of grief...

Found this in a book. Google Maps still calls it No Place.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 11, 2023:

Sounds like no place.... I'd want to be...

Now we know...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 11, 2023:

Actually that is closer to the truth than many people realize....

Puzzles cross-over

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 11, 2023:

Another Batman comic.... No wonder the DC universe franchise is doing so badly....

Wow, a hockey fan.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 11, 2023:

I figure with his daddy's open admission of voyeurism that he and pop both sat around watching porn instead....

Just a suggestion.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 11, 2023:

Or if there was less of that dead fish smell in the air...

"Hi my name is Jeff and I’m an alcoholic." "Hi Jeff." "You realize, this is Triple A, not AA?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 11, 2023:

Better a lake than in a school crosswalk I guess...

Makes you wonder...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 11, 2023:

Well Kevin always was a suck up as well as a fuck up....

Talk about old school!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 10, 2023:

No but they do have inexpensive electric snowblowers....

Any takers?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 9, 2023:

Not enough color.... needs more yellow in it...

Well, there U have it...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 9, 2023:

Tell her I have several bottles of 80+ proof here in the cupboard and rarely drink if she wants to help....

One for the good guys

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 9, 2023:

LMAO I need that win how did you manage this Herculean feat?....

This is so true.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 9, 2023:

I have read thousands of books and academic papers as well as written some one of which was added to a class at university of Mass. curriculum. I have studied many things that interest me and will likely be studying them until I die and know beyond a doubt I will still be ignorant of at least 99% of the knowledge the universe has to offer.

Nuff said?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 9, 2023:

He also hired undocumented workers to staff all his hotels and country clubs and even tried to have one working for him in the Whitehouse....

No snowflakes in the real world

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2023:

The owner probably is constantly triggered by people just trying to live lives of their own...

It takes time to dress up for shopping

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2023:

Dressed up to go to Walmart?... If they are dressed up then I would hate to see what she wears to Dollar General....

He started alright there but....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2023:

The joys of being a landlord....

Well THAT saved an embarrassing surprise.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2023:

She will never complain about men with small dicks again...

Harry is a big hit in England

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2023:

They look thrilled and looking forward to meeting him up close and personal....

A little help please...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2023:

It is a part of the country of circuit...

In the beginning there was nothing.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2023:

The things the bible omits telling you... However as I seem to recall in Genesis 2 we have fictional god creating the earth plants and animals before he says let there be light.... probably so they would stop running into each other and calling him an asshole...

Mr Singh walks into a bank London and asks for the loan officer.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2023:

Everyone in New York and LA are going to try this one....

Simply timeless...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2023:

He has even outlived Betty White....

No wonder it's my favorite

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 7, 2023:

Who watches TV these days?...

So hard to disagree here

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 7, 2023:

Even better if they unzip all the way to the front....

Officer, he has a good reason.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 7, 2023:

Said 90% of married men in the country...

Isn't miniaturization great. From our local septic guy who really loves his job.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 7, 2023:

Like Robert Heinlein in his 1948 writing about 2 inductees to the space patrol standing in line and one's phone rings so he takes it out of his pocket and answers...

Obituary printed in a Texas newspaper : The oldest cowboy in Texas died this week at the age of ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 6, 2023:

Nitrocellulose based powders tend to do that....

Yeah, I'm not going along with this Big Government!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 6, 2023:

*Sits back in a recliner with a huge bowl of popcorn thinking to myself 'this is going to be a great show'*