Who's she? She'll get my house and the boat.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 6, 2022:

Until you find out she is a he and just trying to find the same kind of woman you are....

Sort of a box lunch.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 5, 2022:

Last one is the story of my life....

dirty old man busy.... Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 5, 2022:

Nah just your average everyday bondage club is all....

Dangerous voting in the desert.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 5, 2022:

Pumpkin spice gas.... The way people are not such a stretch now is it?...

I thought I saw a.....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 5, 2022:

Packed his trunk and ran off to pout....

Three happy dudes 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 4, 2022:

What a pathetic lifestyle....

One or more applies above 50

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 4, 2022:

And the older you get the more apply but they forgot the 8th dwarf... Where the hell is Cranky?...

You have been warned! not really, but it does make my point

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 4, 2022:

Don't sell yourself short it is exactly like you....

Been there many times. You?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 4, 2022:

Not going to catch me praying because of something that happens to me all the time...

Look a little closer...... fuckin A

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 4, 2022:

Fuckin A Skippy....

Ooopppsss! I made a mistake!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 4, 2022:

Well the judge should certianly understand that one...

Anybody good at geometry here?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 3, 2022:

Looks like somebody needs to lay off the fried foods...

Not to mention we had the ability to use a map and compass without the aid of a satellite up in the ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 3, 2022:

Never needed a compass I always knew which direction I was facing even as a kid I didn't understand how people could get lost I just figured they were idiots. In the scouts I did learn to use one along with a map but generally I considered them a complete waste of time for practical use.

Imagine that...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 3, 2022:

Back then the cops didn't hassle you for not having a business license though.

Happy birthday....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 3, 2022:

Seems fitting .... it is even missing the candles.

Home security

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 2, 2022:

Sending this to a friend from college who is 4' 11" and her fiancé

Which one are you? Be honest.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 2, 2022:

*Starts putting together and EMP device for shopping trips...*

A waste of time and space - literally. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 2, 2022:

Keeping promises is an important part of any relationship no matter how you keep them...

Fond memories.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 2, 2022:

It is an inverse square law it seems....

At least it wasn't the geek.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 2, 2022:

Charlie Brown's whole crew should have slapped the shit out of Linus....

Repeat after me

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 2, 2022:

Better than being descended from a family of inbreeders...

I'm a water child!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 2, 2022:

Be careful you don't spring a leak at an embarrassing moment...

Just couple memes I found. Enjoy!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 1, 2022:

Something about that training camp is wrong.... Could it be the crosses on those walls?... I would think it would be Altar boys studying there...

It's overwhelming

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 1, 2022:

First you have to be able to choose the right tool for the job.... For instance knocking sense into a Trumpanzee the tool of choice would be the jackhammer attachment for a very large Cat....

This one is for all our medical professional, but with a special shout out to @pralina1

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 1, 2022:

As long as it is the Republican ward its all good...

Not nice Kevin but I could be worse.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 1, 2022:

And by the way Kevin you need to take a paternity test....

Let's make easy, not fancy.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 1, 2022:

Lefty Lucy, Righty Tighty...

A man just found his wife has a Tinder profile and he's furious.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 1, 2022:

Keep your mouth shut and hope she finds someone then and screenshot the profile so you can file for divorce...

First the copy editor, then the censor.....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 1, 2022:

If they aren't mature enough to see the word "fucking" in a university textbook what the fuck are they doing in a university anyway?... More importantly what in the fuck are these immature twats printing these books doing printing them?....

Reports - this was hot this year

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 1, 2022:

They misspelled shit...

Anybody got trick or treaters? Micky Ds at Halloween!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 1, 2022:

First they have to make it through the minefield....

Well...shouldn't be fighting then!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 1, 2022:

After you bet on them ending the fight in a draw I hope...

I try to be kind and practice my shut up, but sometimes!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 1, 2022:

Exactly how I feel about it...

Some kinda substitute A?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2022:

The new Jiffy Pop....

Isn't that the question?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2022:

Isn't Trump the only one left on Truth social except for informants and FBI agents?...

Concerts, rallies, fairs, festivals... I am out.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2022:

Fuck it just whip it out and start pissing I guarantee they will part like the Red Sea...

That's the honest truth...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2022:

I have one and it only cost me $180.00.... Best part is I don't have to worry about it taking off with another guy and cleaning me out in the process.

Do you like poetry? Lol...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2022:

Poetry usually comes from the heart butt in her case....

Spooky, sucks to be him

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2022:

Actually Blacks are far more likely to be there with their children than Whites especially in the South... Where White kids aren't only unsure of who their father is but often are too sure about their mom...

Watch out boy, she's a man eater!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2022:

Is it cougar hunting season yet?.... Because after bagging that I would happily eat it....

People in Brazil did not listen to the duly (un)elected ex president of the only superpower of the ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2022:

Straight from the mouth of the bend over baby ex-president who greases his ass for every cheap dictator he runs into....

Has it really come to this???

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2022:

Surprised it doesn't say "flush before drinking..."

Typical relationship...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2022:

Bearly tolerable relationship.....

Rednecks gotta redneck

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2022:

Spent all his winnings on the car and didn't have enough left over for a new trailer....

Christmas Decoration?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2022:

Wait until the new Christmas sweaters from China hit Walmart....

New food, they are going to have to research the name though

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2022:

Sounds like a real pain in the ass....

Anyone need a memory enhancement?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2022:

Wife or girlfriend?.....

Joke works best on an acquaintance.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 30, 2022:

Reese said to tell you to fork off.....

Accident in the Golf Club A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby… He put his hands together ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 30, 2022:

How come I never get a doctor like that?...

Stoners will get this one

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 30, 2022:

Why stoners need someone around to make them a sandwich...

Meme dump! Enjoy!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 30, 2022:

The first one has to be a Chinese made costume....

This explains why I was so willing to retire.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 30, 2022:

Which also explains why corporate America is losing all its best workers....

Well, if you think your Pumpkin effigies are scary take a look at this feckin' weirdo from Portugal!...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 30, 2022:

Sometimes I wonder about people.... other times I am sure they have brain farts...

Not even a bit funny, - it does freakin hurt...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 30, 2022:

I would have told her to sit on my lap and I would show her...

Not even a bit funny, - it does freakin hurt...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 30, 2022:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZu9N8qMKjA

The CEO of a large business used took pride in HR development of his subordinates.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 30, 2022:

Stop giving him ideas....

Have a happy Saturday!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 29, 2022:

Re: #6... Or released from either the mental hospital or prison....

Seasonal stuff - starting with a lesser known Frankenstein movie...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 29, 2022:

I love the headstone.....

Not sure if this is the right way...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 29, 2022:

Funny part is how much less they are paying for fuel even if they were using that generator as a regular power source.

Have a sexy Halloween!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 28, 2022:

The one on the left she let a ghost of a fart....

Not all dads are handy

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 28, 2022:

Should have used a coke bottle......

I do appreciate watching a master at work

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 28, 2022:

Ask a stupid question of a overworked minimum wage employee and guess what you get back?....

Found an recipe book

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 27, 2022:

A recipe that will keep you on edge....

Mind expanding? probably not for this guy.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 27, 2022:

Bet there are a lot of guys with hot stepmoms pretending they are deaf...

Comparing great athletes can be hard.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 27, 2022:

And were openly banned from sports... None of this chicken shit denial crap...

Just spotted the subject leaving a construction site...CALL 911 ASAP!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 27, 2022:

Have they no shame running around town stealing shit?...

Your dreams, too, could come true.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 27, 2022:

I doubt my dream of everyone who annoys me suddenly dying of COVID or something will ever come true.... But I can still dream can't I?...

A picture from the Star Trek movie. (I know)

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 27, 2022:

Where the sun never shines...

Another "cock-up" for the town planners to sort out then? :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 27, 2022:

And right next to it is the sex swing....

Just so you know or care.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 27, 2022:

I would rather hear facts than opinions.... Facts are useful while opinions are just bullshit that can't even be used for fertilizer....

Hope you all are having a good night!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 26, 2022:

#9 makes me think of @Tejas for some odd reason....

It is clear, I never understood "Latte"

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 26, 2022:

Those cups are all for pussies.... Where is my 64 ounce cup?

The annoyance to America

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 26, 2022:

You would think his lawyers would tell him to either stay off Twitter or they quit....

It's not late yet

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 26, 2022:

His ex-wife looks a lot like that too... a big ass trash bag.

A few chuckles for your entertainment

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 26, 2022:

A whole pack of em...

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 26, 2022:

Like winning the lottery but without paying for the ticket....

I don't know about you but this has put me right off piercings forever! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 26, 2022:

Seeing that just made my balls crawl up into my gut.....

My prayer...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 26, 2022:

My favorite social groups (terrorist organizations) the Klan and Proud Boys..... Favorite ex-president Donny the Dumbass... Favorite Democrats Pelosi and Clinton....

Play it backwards, mate. You'll feel much better about yourself.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 26, 2022:

Thank Gud I didn't take a before picture or every smartass I know would be asking if I had a boy or girl....

Boudreaux went to doctors clinic for checkup.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 26, 2022:

Sounds like he drives a jacked up pick up with huge tires that never goes off road....

I'm an adult now.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 25, 2022:

I have enough to live on and some extra to help my granddaughter and her family out once in a while along with buying them dinner on special occasions. I think of that as personal wealth and anything left over I leave in the bank. If I somehow came into a large sum I would put it to work in green energy because what is the sense in leaving behind a fortune if the person you are leaving it to is going to live in hell.

farm bird in an item of clothing.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 25, 2022:

Better wash that to get rid of the DNA...

Goodnight, I'm exhausted!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 25, 2022:

So where is the fun in that last one?....

a Halloween idea

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 24, 2022:

Sent this to a friend who is 4' 11" standing up or lying down and blond....

Boudreaux walks into a bar and has a couple of beers.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 24, 2022:

If you are taking the risk anyway go for the profit....

How many DNA samples did this guy have to send in?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 24, 2022:

Don't you just hate DIY?...

i'll take you all with me

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 24, 2022:

And just think you don't have to pay for cremation after the accident....

It's Halloween Witches!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 24, 2022:

Halloween the time of years when women dress up as Harley Quinn or a witch and you suddenly realize "that ain't no fucking costume after all..."

Aka soap 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 24, 2022:

I had a receding hairline since the age of twelve so I now have a face that extends to the back of my head. This has saved me a fortune in haircuts and shampoo costs over the years....

I'm not saying not to visit, but make sure that you really want to come.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 23, 2022:

For Morons and JWs....

Language can be tricky.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 23, 2022:

Good answer kid..... I wouldn't want them either after what happened to your brother...

Pity the poor teachers, they have to ask loaded questions

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 23, 2022:

Maybe dad just got smart after mom popped out that brat is all....

Sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 23, 2022:

With her husband no doubt...

At the end of his sermon each week Father Richards offered an altar call, inviting anyone who needed...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 23, 2022:

He should be looking for a good lawyer going to a priest for help is about as useful as an eruption in a super-volcano...

Well what more can I say 😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 23, 2022:

Put a generator on that new door and the UK would have a new source of clean cheap electrical power that would solve many of its problems....

A smattering of old ones

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 22, 2022:

Fuck you Alice you rub his belly.... from the inside!

Good observation. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 21, 2022:

An English sconer....

Sometimes you just need a small prompt to say the right thing.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 21, 2022:

Whatever happened to a good old fashioned, simple "go fuck yourself?..."

Aahhh...Sweet memories

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 21, 2022:

Starting them out early....

You all are invited!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 20, 2022:

I should do that here....