'Surprise Me' sounds rather ominous....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2021:

Spill his guts.....

That is evil

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2021:

I get letters about once every three months and phones calls once a week at least and I don't even own a fucking car....

Halloween tale

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2021:

Tell the wife and kids.... I bet they all shit themselves...

Yikes the gang will be sad

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2021:

Lucy is that you?.....

Looks natural

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 31, 2021:

That is a real crack up....

In.my case better

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 30, 2021:

One reason I don't like wearing glasses...

Poor monster too small

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 30, 2021:

Just think of all that money, death and destruction the Japanese could have avoided with one simple sign....

Cutie pie

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 30, 2021:

I can testify that this is true.... It just isn't due to any god...

Today I discovered that Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 30, 2021:

Really want to piss them off?... Every holiday decorate their yard in the middle of the night....

Ah kitty! 😂😂😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 30, 2021:

I have four indoor only cats and none of them do this....

How the Zombie apocalypses started...With a selfie!!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 29, 2021:

I am sure they are safe....

Grey pride!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 29, 2021:

I solved that problem.... I don't have a lawn yet....

His final words

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 29, 2021:

..........................

No wonder they were so mad

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 29, 2021:

Probably could have done better with a leash....

Another Halloween joke

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 29, 2021:

....................

Some abuse the right

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 29, 2021:

..........................

Back to work! Ugh!!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 28, 2021:

..................

'Pure Blooded' Parody Song - [rumble.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 28, 2021:

Reminds me of.... https://youtu.be/lWF8iRCan7I

Halloween humor

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 27, 2021:

Now that just takes the fun out of everything...

Great greeting card I like it

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 27, 2021:

Sending this to friends and family...

Works for most of us

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 27, 2021:

I try hard to keep enough beer in stock for emergencies....

I think this is a bad sign

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 27, 2021:

You own dogs?...

I do have a temper

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 26, 2021:

I just put them on my list and sooner or later Karma takes care of them for me... No muss, no fuss...

Didn't know this

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 26, 2021:

This is one of those times when I wish I was capable of art....

So that is how it started

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 26, 2021:

Best one I have ever seen you post....

Another aspect of good old days

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 26, 2021:

Well there are a few of them looking at a long stint at club fed here soon....

Another groaner coming at you

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 26, 2021:

Very punny....

Best pumpkin carving

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 26, 2021:

I bet this guy makes a fortune this time of year....

Good catch, just in time.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 26, 2021:

https://youtu.be/FQMbXvn2RNI

I bet, Sir, you also enjoy converting beans and cabbage into natural gas. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 26, 2021:

Sounds like Urine to a hobby that trumps out loud your enjoyment....

Guide to understanding bra size.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 25, 2021:

And "I" would be what?.... Incredible Edibles?....

Final exam for high school diploma in Alabama.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 25, 2021:

Was that Charlie Horse?....

Dinner plans in Alabama.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 25, 2021:

.......................

most likely not.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 25, 2021:

Sherlock Holmes an old Stand Magazine illustration while I don't remember the name of the story off hand I do remember the story... Got it the name of the story is "The Man with the Twisted Lip"

Time to head to the coast

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 25, 2021:

Well somebody failed counting in Kindergarten.... There are three nets not two....

A album I would listen to

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 25, 2021:

Atheist extremely heavy metal.....

Pretty accurate description

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 25, 2021:

You forgot to glue a rotting egg underneath for his body....

Yup makes sense

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 24, 2021:

I just sent this one to my granddaughters father.... He is a UPS driver and will love it.

yeah that's quite accurate.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 24, 2021:

Wasn't me I swear..... I haven't set off a fire alarm since.... never mind...

not always a good idea to take bad news sitting down

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 24, 2021:

As long as it wasn't epoxy paint it will be no skin off his ass....

I'm sure that some people will find validity in this argument

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 23, 2021:

This one failed science and history at the same time....

Are we missing the fun?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 23, 2021:

Having helped a few I can truthfully say I do understand because if it isn't the best it is at least in the top 5 as far as I am concerned....

We are all going to die! (Squid Game)

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 23, 2021:

If you can't manage to solve this puzzle 50% of the time you might want to seek professional help....

"Doctor, I've got this very strange condition.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 23, 2021:

I thought I smelled a fart joke coming...

Son! Is it really you?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 22, 2021:

My sister wears crocs so I sent this too her.... Oddly even though she complains that the cats stare at her feet when she is wearing them... (cats have good taste and find crocs amazingly ugly after all).

Puppy

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 21, 2021:

I call him Donny.... https://media.giphy.com/media/LsagdfZDHhtLy/giphy.gif

Mother and daughter go to a store to buy clothes.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 21, 2021:

Relax she was 19....

Viewer Discretion is Advised

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 21, 2021:

Bikers for Trump?.....

Perfect for the perfect host. 😜

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 21, 2021:

Jeezettes soup!.... I think they also have it in cans under the brand name of "Cannibals"....

I love my Dog

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 21, 2021:

I will stick with my cats thanks.... https://media.giphy.com/media/LsagdfZDHhtLy/giphy.gif

Irresponsible NYT Essay Defends TX Abortion Law As a Way to “Teach Us to Love” | Hemant Mehta |...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 21, 2021:

NYT needs to stop being used for anything other than wrapping the garbage in.... It hasn't been a credible source of news since the Clinton's took over the DNC and turned it into Republican-lite....

Even Joe must love old communist attitudes to religion?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 21, 2021:

The stupid in this is amazing..... Russians haven't been communists for over 30 years now....

Microwaved lasagna.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 20, 2021:

Sounds like somebody needs a new microwave....

Just a meme

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 20, 2021:

The entire issue could be solved by removing half the batteries and replacing them with fuel cells and a small tank of liquid hydrogen....

An old farmer went to town to see a movie.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 20, 2021:

She should have reached over and choked his chicken for him...

Every single year.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 20, 2021:

Looks like grandma spiked those eggs with bath salts....

Soon to be Dominion Pillows😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 20, 2021:

Back where he belongs....

Many of us found this out

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 20, 2021:

On the Internet with all these scammers it has giant turds in it....

Makes sense it's Florida

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 19, 2021:

This is wrong.... Texas and Oklahoma is Meth, Floraduh and Idaho they prefer bath salts....

Our weird language.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 19, 2021:

On the bright side it does help you identify Internet scammers....

Inspiring post!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 18, 2021:

Why buy when you can borrow instead.....

He's not wrong.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 18, 2021:

Well I don't see that answer keeping him out of the pokey....

Nutritious yet filling. .

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 17, 2021:

I guess we should be thankful it wasn't for Banana NUT bread right?....

Budding Fox reporter

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 17, 2021:

"maliciously lying" would be the correct term....

Different collection this year

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 17, 2021:

A graduate of Assbook university....

Now that's a good Halloween decoration

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 17, 2021:

The cops where I live would freak out if several of these popped up around town all at once.... They only get one murder every couple of years here.

Not to be controversial, but I really believe this to be true.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 17, 2021:

And once the dog has done its worst you won't even want to try reading that book....

😂 Strike! 😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 16, 2021:

Unfortunately all too many women seem to enjoy being treated like shit these days....

Just so U know...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 16, 2021:

I will take Betty White quotes for a thousand Alex....

Clever washroom doors!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 16, 2021:

Soooo the one on the right is Adam Sandler's personal bathroom?.... https://youtu.be/ilNSP4ALpGg

A good night prayer....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 16, 2021:

All I have to say is you must live in a shithole neighborhood....

Three Jack o'lanterns and one jack off. Who says covid and Halloween don't mix?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 15, 2021:

...................

I imagine you'd make this mistake just one time.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 15, 2021:

That would be a pain in the... Though no doubt they will be using these for home abortions in Texas soon...

Seems that way

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 15, 2021:

What they get for hiring in Texas.... Though the blow up dolls are probably a lot smarter than the old anti-vaxxer pilots.

Does that mean I'm fated to die by carpal tunnel?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 15, 2021:

As ironic as....

Sounds great to me

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 15, 2021:

Best version of that show was called Adult Wednesday Addams.... A youtube show that was taken down for copyright violations.... Thankfully I downloaded the entire series before that happened...

Beware or the snake

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 15, 2021:

Be careful girls that snake spits venom that can cause you to swell up like a sows belly....

Things not to say during a fight...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 15, 2021:

He must be talking about my ex-wife and slandering Lucifer because she wasn't that nice....

D'oh 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 15, 2021:

Looks like a member of the Donny Dumbass militia....

I tested negative for sympathy.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 14, 2021:

Sympathy is just another word between shit a syphilis in the dictionary...

Round in circles we go.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 14, 2021:

Sounds legit.....

The beginning of the Zombie Apocalypse.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 14, 2021:

If Zombies depended on Christians for their food supply they would starve...

Full service, but no sex.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 14, 2021:

How to know when you reached New Orleans....

Finally, a way to get the anti-vaxxers to get a shot.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 14, 2021:

Hey anti-vaxxers are so stupid they might believe it...

You know if he did exist, he would be toxic

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 14, 2021:

Fried or boiled?...

It's all in how you look at it.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 13, 2021:

...................

That could work lmao

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 13, 2021:

I doubt Republicans would know the difference much less notice.....

Billionaires Explain Why Space Is The Next Frontier [theonion.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 13, 2021:

My reason is I want a prison asteroid to put all the billionaires on....

I really don't think they thought the regulations all the way through.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 13, 2021:

Should have asked for the one with the cheese on her furburger....

Let me explain to you what mansplaining means.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 13, 2021:

That he doesn't know how to get laid....

Finally in season

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 13, 2021:

Knew I was leaving it for some reason.... I guess I just like authenticity...

Old Joseph was not as dumb as Mary thought

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 13, 2021:

In her case Three wise guys who showed up with presents....

Guess the sign boy doesn't get that ticket to heaven.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 13, 2021:

We can be sure Pastor Kenny had a lot of explaining to do....

I'm sure they thought they had something special.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 13, 2021:

Might as well have said they hang out on Pornhub way too much....

Dirty Snow White

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 12, 2021:

Beat me Snow and make me write bad checks...

Yeah give your kids nightmares

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 12, 2021:

Some red paint for blood and servo motors and those kids are fucked for life...

So you don't trust science.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 12, 2021:

Or a union worker voting Republican because they "hate socialism..."

For all the cat lovers out there.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 12, 2021:

And your cat wants to be god...

Yup that's one

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 12, 2021:

We had some like that in our neighborhood growing up.... Our solution was simple and involved birthday candles and M-80s.....

Advice for living ...[agnostic.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 12, 2021:

That'll show em....