When she said, "I won't ask you again", I think she meant it...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 13, 2021:

OK I will just leave it down while I piss....

The News of the week.....its getting stranger. [youtu.be]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 13, 2021:

Another Fox parody but not a very good one....

And people wonder why I took an early retirement

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2021:

I was lucky if I could work for someone for 6 whole months without saying "fuck this shit I quit"

No pressure! 🤣

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2021:

Oddly I have never had a cat that begs for food like that... I guess that is why I prefer them...

Chucky

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2021:

...........................

Sounds like a winner

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2021:

...................

It may be because I am old and weak but it seems the greatest accomplishment of our Chinese trading ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2021:

Supreme irony....

The man has skills

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2021:

I bet he wears the beard because he has no chin.... He probably looks like Mitch the Bitch McConnell when he shaves....

Positive vibes only

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2021:

Just aim a slap towards the tummy (don't connect and make it playful) and say pink belly that would work....

Always Be Honest

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2021:

Oh well as the Carnies love to say "You pays your dollar and takes your chance..."

Every cats fantasy...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2021:

In my house that would become scattered pile of shredded paper in a matter of hours... With over 60 pounds of exhausted felines snoozing in corner piles trying to look innocent...

im sooo fucked.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 11, 2021:

Oh a public offender....

Ow that hurt's! Lol!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 11, 2021:

For me that would be 9AM I never go to sleep before 5AM.

Worth a try

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 11, 2021:

I knew a guy that wore a card board box with two holes cut out in it that had a sign on it reading "free breast inspections insert here" to a party.... One gal got drunk and took him up on it poor guy didn't know what to do...

It ain't the meat, it's the motion.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 11, 2021:

I actually used that on a guy at the store and he got all butthurt....

We will fix it

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 11, 2021:

Or more likely every six minutes while he is trying to fix what he was doing before the nagging started....

Where's my beer damn it!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 11, 2021:

I would love to have one trained to go into Redneck bars with a speaker in the pouch so I could place orders....

Must be 18 to enter....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 11, 2021:

https://youtu.be/aG5Y4VXlk-w

Jesus loves strippers

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 11, 2021:

Jesus is a....

Good question which is it ?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 11, 2021:

A cash cow that has already been milked dry....

Happy lost dog

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 11, 2021:

"I am a reformed drug war dog..."

This explains a great deal lmao

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 11, 2021:

Fuck hats....

Names are important.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2021:

Onion roach.....

Now that's brilliant

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2021:

You can bank on him being shortchanged.....

Mechanic

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2021:

Reminds me of the guy they wanted me to train under.... Four meritorious promotions in a row he had but couldn't figure out how to change out an alternator in a UH-1N I had to teach him....

Tuesday in august groaner

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2021:

High end beef....

Pretty much like that lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2021:

How I look....

Another old joke: Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2021:

Gad I wish they could all just join hands, sing a nice song and jump off that mother fucking bridge together...

Can definitely believe this

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2021:

Unless it is Budweiser then it attracts Republicans...

Unfortunately many won't see this

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2021:

..................

Oh oh it starts again

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2021:

I beamed them directly to the cafeteria Jim where they will be no Tribble at all..."

Figured we could use a laugh today.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2021:

Sounds like the GQP trolls last night "This brain offends me I want it removed from my head..."

Word challenge....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2021:

Please don't shart....

Fits him to a T

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2021:

LMAO Floriduh had well over 28,000 new cases of COVID today alone and at this rate will surpass Texas in total number of cases by the end of the week and California by the end of the month....

That's what I thought too! Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2021:

Why swimming pools were invented....

Kind of fits her

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2021:

That dog should be taken to the nearest vet to be put to sleep....

A dad joke alert! Sorry, the image is a little grainy. 😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2021:

Give us this day our daily bread.... Thanks dad...

A golden opportunity has now arisen.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2021:

Where the hell did you get that picture of me?...

The latest Covid-19 accessory

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2021:

Looks like they are standing in line to be the one for the next user of that flag....

What's your Super power???

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2021:

Oh White Bread Woman.... I bet her name is Karen....

Boys, a new charger on Amazon now available

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2021:

Butt plug?....

If only this were an option!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2021:

Some people tempt you to poke them in the forehead with a baseball bat....

Good meta-metaphor.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2021:

Oh my.....

Napoleon also was late and lost

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2021:

At $300 a pop he should marry her for the income alone...

My word is my bond

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2021:

Seems legit....

New advertisement for my pillow

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2021:

Isn't that Donny Dumbass?...

Coming to a fast food near you

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2021:

As well as that time of year everyone seems to start resembling a pumpkin...

That's a bad chicken

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2021:

Solution: Get a cat....

Not funny, Polly.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2021:

Faces right: "Help, help the Alcaldia took all my money" Faces left: "Don't you fear El Zorro is here"

Florida in a nutshell

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 7, 2021:

Scary thing is going to be when the predicted inversion takes place.... Where are all those freaks going to move to?...

Very scary situation run

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 7, 2021:

................

This would be perfect just convince them

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 7, 2021:

Dick loves those headshots.... I just wish he would use buckshot instead of bird shot...

Talk about disappointment

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 6, 2021:

Actually something similar did happen to me in school....

I guess facebook is the new catholic confessional

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 6, 2021:

Like he has room to talk....

So that's how it started

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 6, 2021:

All it needs now is a bit of penis butter....

Sounds like something I would do

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 6, 2021:

I have done worse.... Not going to tell you because it might give you bad ideas...

Huge mistake

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 6, 2021:

I hope he is off someplace nice with a prettier less demanding woman and enjoying life...

Friday groaner

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 6, 2021:

"Row, row, row your goat..."

Biggest Plagiarism. I caught it.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 6, 2021:

............................

Kissing Hank's Ass [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 5, 2021:

Fuck Hank in the ass....

I told you!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 5, 2021:

..................

Trying to be helpful....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 5, 2021:

And here is a huge ass...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2021:

Probably inspired by memories of his priest during his time as an altarboy...

Beam me up!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2021:

Forgot religitards......

An honest, but frustrating, misunderstanding. Frustratus -a -um.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2021:

My guess is that many people here don't get a joke about conjugating verbs....

The new alien ?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2021:

Nnnnnoooo! Eat Miss Piggy instead....

You are out of your mind

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2021:

And just wait until she "accidentally" stomps on your foot....

As if we didn't already know this. I'm looking at you Costco and Trader Joe's!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2021:

The reason they do that is to cause customers to wander the store in hopes of finding other products they might buy....

Thought I'd try it...What was I saying????

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2021:

The lunch that leaves you with the munchies...

They are the controls and we know what happens next

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2021:

........................

Peekaboo , funny

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2021:

....................

I knew he had been faking it

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2021:

He just has a photographic memory....

Love a guy that stands up for himself

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 3, 2021:

https://youtu.be/-3Yjk4TnWwA

Well he asked.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 3, 2021:

Dat ass......

Star wars

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 3, 2021:

1 Collect the shit in a 5 gallon bucket 2 Add water 3 Stir well 4 wait on the roof for the bastard...

But, god loves you...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 3, 2021:

Destination popularity determines infrastructure needs....

All the rage with the QAnon crowd...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 3, 2021:

https://youtu.be/urglg3WimHA

Lucy is right

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 3, 2021:

Thankfully Floriduh is now over 20,000 new cases a day....

It seems casting for the new Papal glove puppet is underway, shame on them all!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 3, 2021:

..................

Could worms be virgins?!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 3, 2021:

When they die they get a herd of 72 goats....

Happens to the best of us

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 2, 2021:

I used to call them "brain farts" until I was diagnosed with PTSD and realized that was one of the symptoms....

A lady always does

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 2, 2021:

If cussing was actually unladylike there would be damned few ladies in the world...

Meow now! Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 2, 2021:

At least this one isn't a personal butthurt lawyer....

Mine sure does

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 2, 2021:

I figure any day I am looking at the green side of the grass it is a win....

not today satan!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 2, 2021:

Stupid is as stupid does....

Men cannot be left behind

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2021:

Nothing like making a tit out of yourself...

Yup that makes you think

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2021:

Hell I think half my high school class is already dead and I am the one who should be already...

Yikes that's a nasty monkey

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2021:

Will he still be smiling when that monkey face fucks him?... "Inquiring (but perverted) minds what to know..."

Boy were they wrong

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2021:

Looking stupid is just the icing on the cake.... these people make utter morons look like Albert Einstein....

Yup, that's me!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2021:

Better yet open it and watch the fur fly when they finally figure out what you said...

Panties

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2021:

Not what you were thinking it was just your dirty mind....

Wasn't expecting this....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2021:

And ya done gone and made an ash of yourself now didn't cha?...

That would be awkward

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2021:

Because of course they are "Humpback whales..."

okay that's fucking nasty.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2021:

Just thinking of the sound he made standing up makes me want to hurl...

Just hope 2021 doesn't match it

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 31, 2021:

And 2021 is gearing up to make 2020 look like paradise...

I found my oasis...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 31, 2021:

"I'd buy that for a dollar..." Name that quote...

Yeah I prefer whipped cream too

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 31, 2021:

Ought to be interesting to see how they grow keeps us posted on how that works out....

Probably the only one I will get

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 31, 2021:

Cost of living vs what companies pay you will be lucky to end up with that much but your boss will likely have a super yacht, a 500 million dollar home and a "vacation cabin worth at least 50 million...

Look like brothers to me

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 31, 2021:

....................

Haven't gotten one of these in awhile. Do elder guys really respond to these??? 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 31, 2021:

I enjoy outing these scammers...