A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip abroad, so he thought he'd buy his wife ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 16, 2023:

Where can I buy one of those.... I know some very deserving people on the city council...

Must we really?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 16, 2023:

They call them that because they taste like shit right?...

So sue me if you don't like it. Are you prepared to go to court over it?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 16, 2023:

Should have been a pitbull wearing a MAGA hat in that meme....

Time to begin the VD memes (Valentines Day you perverts)

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 15, 2023:

Doesn't he usually carry an AR?....

For all you trekkies. 😁

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 15, 2023:

Now there is the face that to launch a thousands ships.... To get as far away as possible from it.

That's the question

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 15, 2023:

Did they at least use a new rope?...

Yeah, Cut through that BS

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 15, 2023:

Independent fact checkers have come to the conclusion that nothing in the babble is true...

THE PROGRESSIVE SHIP OF MORALITY HAS BEEN ROCKED Fox News and other conservative media are going ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 15, 2023:

Got a newsflash for you... That asshole only ran as a Democrat because he wanted people to vote for him.... He was a registered Republicunt and changed parties. He is a conservative that supports conservative causes and always has been and about as "progressive" as Donny the Dumbass as well as just as criminal... He has switched back and forth between parties several times and is a close associate of conservatives from both parties like Gingrich, and the Clintons. He was chosen to run because he is wealthy and immoral to block progressives in the primaries and if you check his donation record you will find that piece of shit has donated more to Republicans than he has the Democrats. Nice to see you falling for the QANON set's bullshit Sinner. You sure are making these politically and scientifically ignorant fucktards from the far right happy...

Just to clear things up for those who don't really know me.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 15, 2023:

Joke em if they can't take a fuck...

Here comes that slimy guy with his posts again!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 15, 2023:

Or bitch and moan because they are offended by my funny posts because they target their religious beliefs in something obviously ridiculous....

Better watch out guys, the wife is onto your every move.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 15, 2023:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLIYPdZeYeU=MalivaiRonaldo%C3%81lvarezMeza

Anyone ever go over to instagram anymore?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 15, 2023:

Kind of ballsy if you ask me....

This guy should be the most famous quitter in the world!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 14, 2023:

And in two years after he blows all his money out of his ass he will be begging his manager for his job back.... Want to bet on what that guy's reply will be?.... Ahh and it looks like he did it right at Keister time too...

Does this look familiar to anybody?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 14, 2023:

It helps to have a sharp mind and tongue to match so you can say "What, me worry?..."

I seen lots of people wanting Trump locked up for documents so where are all the people wanting ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 14, 2023:

Nice fake news outfit in Germany you get your misinformation from... You do realize that it is owned by Nazis right?....

I seen lots of people wanting Trump locked up for documents so where are all the people wanting ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 14, 2023:

What are you a religious conservative?... Notice that it is Biden's aides finding these documents and turning them over to the proper authorities? Not the FBI serving search warrants after Trump intentionally STOLE the documents and allegedly sold information to foreign governments resulting in thousands of deaths along with documents on US nuclear secrets that his moronic son was trying to sell the the Saudi terrorist regime? Also nobody is mentioning what these classified documents are which tells me that they are probably less important and lower security classifications that the top secret documents Trump stole. I am guessing that Biden was having lawyers go through his papers with an eye on a presidential library and when the first few showed up ordered a full review of ALL his papers unlike Trump who openly stole the documents and then denied he had any... Also Biden is under investigation at this time to be sure there was no intentional wrong doing on his part...

Pigeon: Aha!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 14, 2023:

The car or his head?.... Decisions, decisions....

Just asked the librarian at my public library if Prince Harry’s book is available to download ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 13, 2023:

Just kidding?....

Atheist kids go to church.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 13, 2023:

Everyone is born an atheist, it is fear and indoctrination which turns them into a religious zombie...

An old Jewish man is lying in his deathbed with his tearful wife by his side.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 13, 2023:

Blame the wife instead of bad life decisions.... My bad life decision was getting married.

I can relate...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 13, 2023:

Republicans.... Did you hear what they are trying to pass in the house?... The bad news is they want to end income tax... The worse news is they want to replace it with a 23% federal sales tax...

Islam isn't a religion because this is a Tererism.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 13, 2023:

I have a simple question.... What in the name of fuck is a "tererism?"

Tell me if I am wrong

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 13, 2023:

After the relationship ends though you *sign that you can't...*

What's up with that Jose?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 13, 2023:

Only if it is a good one...

Are you really sure?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 13, 2023:

Butt what I mint was.....

Well, you took their word for it. 😹

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 12, 2023:

It also eliminates rats and mice...

Bet Trump is having a laugh now

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 12, 2023:

Well considering that the documents are being found by his own lawyers and immediately returned to the authorities unlike Trump who deliberately stole hundreds of documents and not only denied it but refused to return them and allegedly sold information contained by those documents to enemies of the United States.... Biden could easily have had those documents destroyed instead and only he and his lawyers would have known.

Canadian, eh?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 12, 2023:

So then Alberta is the Deep South of Canada?...

Lesson learned...Maybe

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 12, 2023:

Looking forward to Mark Fuckerberg going bankrupt...

Hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 11, 2023:

Yeah I have hung out with stupid before.... got me a ex-wife and a lot of grief...

Found this in a book. Google Maps still calls it No Place.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 11, 2023:

Sounds like no place.... I'd want to be...

Now we know...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 11, 2023:

Actually that is closer to the truth than many people realize....

Puzzles cross-over

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 11, 2023:

Another Batman comic.... No wonder the DC universe franchise is doing so badly....

Wow, a hockey fan.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 11, 2023:

I figure with his daddy's open admission of voyeurism that he and pop both sat around watching porn instead....

Just a suggestion.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 11, 2023:

Or if there was less of that dead fish smell in the air...

"Hi my name is Jeff and I’m an alcoholic." "Hi Jeff." "You realize, this is Triple A, not AA?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 11, 2023:

Better a lake than in a school crosswalk I guess...

Makes you wonder...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 11, 2023:

Well Kevin always was a suck up as well as a fuck up....

Talk about old school!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 10, 2023:

No but they do have inexpensive electric snowblowers....

Any takers?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 9, 2023:

Not enough color.... needs more yellow in it...

Well, there U have it...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 9, 2023:

Tell her I have several bottles of 80+ proof here in the cupboard and rarely drink if she wants to help....

One for the good guys

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 9, 2023:

LMAO I need that win how did you manage this Herculean feat?....

This is so true.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 9, 2023:

I have read thousands of books and academic papers as well as written some one of which was added to a class at university of Mass. curriculum. I have studied many things that interest me and will likely be studying them until I die and know beyond a doubt I will still be ignorant of at least 99% of the knowledge the universe has to offer.

Nuff said?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 9, 2023:

He also hired undocumented workers to staff all his hotels and country clubs and even tried to have one working for him in the Whitehouse....

No snowflakes in the real world

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2023:

The owner probably is constantly triggered by people just trying to live lives of their own...

It takes time to dress up for shopping

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2023:

Dressed up to go to Walmart?... If they are dressed up then I would hate to see what she wears to Dollar General....

He started alright there but....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2023:

The joys of being a landlord....

Well THAT saved an embarrassing surprise.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2023:

She will never complain about men with small dicks again...

Harry is a big hit in England

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2023:

They look thrilled and looking forward to meeting him up close and personal....

A little help please...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2023:

It is a part of the country of circuit...

In the beginning there was nothing.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2023:

The things the bible omits telling you... However as I seem to recall in Genesis 2 we have fictional god creating the earth plants and animals before he says let there be light.... probably so they would stop running into each other and calling him an asshole...

Mr Singh walks into a bank London and asks for the loan officer.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2023:

Everyone in New York and LA are going to try this one....

Simply timeless...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2023:

He has even outlived Betty White....

No wonder it's my favorite

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 7, 2023:

Who watches TV these days?...

So hard to disagree here

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 7, 2023:

Even better if they unzip all the way to the front....

Officer, he has a good reason.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 7, 2023:

Said 90% of married men in the country...

Isn't miniaturization great. From our local septic guy who really loves his job.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 7, 2023:

Like Robert Heinlein in his 1948 writing about 2 inductees to the space patrol standing in line and one's phone rings so he takes it out of his pocket and answers...

Obituary printed in a Texas newspaper : The oldest cowboy in Texas died this week at the age of ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 6, 2023:

Nitrocellulose based powders tend to do that....

Yeah, I'm not going along with this Big Government!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 6, 2023:

*Sits back in a recliner with a huge bowl of popcorn thinking to myself 'this is going to be a great show'*

So, is that how it's done...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 6, 2023:

Can I have a shot at that?.... Probably kill me but hey nobody lives forever and what a way to go....

Apparently the founding ‘fathers’ were ‘drag queens.’

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 6, 2023:

Also snuff boxes mostly contained cocaine or opium.... NOT tobacco like even college and university history professors don't admit....

I recently spent $6,500 on this registered Black Angus bull.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 6, 2023:

So you are saying he now has three horns?...

Brand new item...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 6, 2023:

Where can I find one...

I'm wasting my time, ain't I...?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 6, 2023:

Define normal...

Pope's last wish

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 6, 2023:

Who says you can't take your kiddie porn with you when you were a pope....

He loves fishing

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 6, 2023:

Looks like he went fishing in a TJ donkey show....

Best spokesman ever

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 6, 2023:

I heard he retired and became a burrito....

Yes, it's Walmart

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 6, 2023:

When you run out of toilet paper there is always Walmart tongue shirts

Sure they're Dolly Parton fans

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 6, 2023:

How do we know that Dolly Parton doesn't love DP? Has anyone bothered to ask?...

Monty Python Penis Song

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 5, 2023:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Wq0tjjVCNM

Something peculiar

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 5, 2023:

Die Hard 6.....

Normal day in retirement

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 5, 2023:

A 5 groan rating on that one....

Seems accurate.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 5, 2023:

Between my knees and back just walking is a victory...

An alternative to shrooms. Not right in the head. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 5, 2023:

New nickname is "squirt..."

Do you like motorcycles? I have a good news for you.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 5, 2023:

I found the perfect helmet for you to wear while trying to ride that thing it is bound to get you laid...

Dear Friend, After a careful consideration of your performance in 2022, I have decided to extend ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 5, 2023:

This coming from a guy who lives in Texas is to put it mildly *ironic* as all fucking get out...

I was just thinking this very same thing.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 5, 2023:

I am more a spanker than a spankee....

Some folks just got to rebel yell!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 5, 2023:

Usually it is a Redneck girl shortly after saying "Hold ma beer and watch dis..."

Dog, service stations are nasty!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 5, 2023:

The only ones worse are the ones where instead of using the paper seat protectors the place supplies they just hold their asses a foot over the seat and shit all over everything....

Now, thats my kinda kid, unless it's me that wants to make out.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 5, 2023:

Kids love putting a crimp in your love life.... and people wonder why so many marriages end in divorce...

I was never big on Tacos, butt.......

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 5, 2023:

Texass Tacos probably from Waco....

I told Siri to just shut up the other day.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 4, 2023:

Don't ever make financial transactions with your phone and be careful when shopping online. Always vet the sires you are buying from and make sure the site has policies in place that prevent fraud so you can get your money back if the products are mot delivered or as advertised. The ones I buy on are ebay and Aliexpress. There are a few others for specialty items as well. Oh and those online tax preparation websites? Don't use them unless you want to have them selling your personal information to every website willing to pony up a couple bucks. One of the biggest buyers is Facebook so they can resell it often to skeezy outfits and scammers.

Do you like motorcycles? I have a good news for you.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 4, 2023:

As a guy I knew once said in a biker bar shortly before he and his 4 friends beat the crap out of three times as many bikers (I just backed into a corner and tried to survive...) "No wonder they call them *Hog Riders* look at the pigs they are with..."

Men really are simple shit.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 4, 2023:

Reason two I like.... reason one not so much...

Nobody Knows

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 3, 2023:

The previous Bush (Prescott) aided Hitler's rise to power and allegedly was involved in the "Businessman's plot" to overthrow the US government...

And now it is the first work day of the new year and everyone is complaining about the pounds they ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 3, 2023:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2mU6USTBRE

Just relax, I still chuckle

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 3, 2023:

Only way the human race will mature enough is if the universe suddenly enters a state of complete entropy...

It may help

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 3, 2023:

Dr. Facebook is that you?...

Oops, forgot the filters

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 3, 2023:

Internet dating is a curse...

And now it is the first work day of the new year and everyone is complaining about the pounds they ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 3, 2023:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_80smRJprX0

It has baffled us all for centuries.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 3, 2023:

The egg wins by over 650,000,000 years...

A lady was showing her dog at all of the local shows but despite having a tremendous dog, she never ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 3, 2023:

And don't have sex either....

Hold my beer.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 3, 2023:

UK welfare collectors the next generation...

I can't sleep, my mom is having a procedure today, hopefully it goes well!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 3, 2023:

In situations like this it is always best to prepare for the worst and hope for the best... Hopefully you get the best.

You have the right to look away

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 2, 2023:

Please stop posting pictures of your feet I am trying to eat this week...

Agree, I suffer a lot

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 2, 2023:

Most people in this world have far less commonsense than the average pile of dogshit....

What have you been smoking? Oh, wait...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 2, 2023:

Looks like the landscaping in about 1/3 of the homes where I live...

Perfect Tee....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 2, 2023:

Yeah that was me alright....

This guy again? Dog!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 1, 2023:

Score one for the real man....

We did the best we could, didn't we?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 1, 2023:

Winning the lotto would bring the other two...

Hey we guys aren't perfect!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 1, 2023:

Oh my never gain a reputation as a minuteman....