Father has many responsibilities

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 20, 2022:

"Sorry honey I took the kid to Toys R Us but they were out of business so I took him to lunch instead..."

Have you seen it?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 19, 2022:

Going to be difficult seeing as he died in the last movie.....

“The farther back you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 19, 2022:

There went the neighborhood...

I am not a scientist but I am convinced.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 19, 2022:

"Excuse me miss I am lost can I check your map?...." How to get men to ask for directions...

A priest goes to the barber for a haircut.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 19, 2022:

Most politicians are just deadbeats and mooches...

A practical engineer

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 19, 2022:

Braggert....

I'll let myself out....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 19, 2022:

Problem with thinner is you tend to varnish....

My work here is done!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 19, 2022:

Well that contractor is about to go all Elmer Fudd on him....

Here I cum babe....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 19, 2022:

Going to be some skidmarks on that seat....

I agree with this one.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2022:

Now that is one hell of a unibrow....

I am pretty sure it was different but I like it

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2022:

And Jack is now known as Jacqueline....

I feel sad when read these things.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2022:

After getting married my wife changed her personality to "Born Again Virgin..."

I heard meditation helps.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2022:

Works for me or there would be no time for me to hide all the bodies....

People are just frustrated with gas prices, I think.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2022:

Why I ride an ebike... Well one of many reasons actually.

The flying spaghetti monster is as good a fantasy as any.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2022:

The FSM is a parody religion created to combat the Kansas City school board from allowing cretinism to be taught in public schools as a "science"...

Men would not understand, Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2022:

Pretty sure she has had larger....

An Australian BWCow, to cuckold for a Texas bull.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2022:

Texans love to brag about everything being "bigger" there but if that was true how come so many of them drive small penis trucks?.....

I have been hearing good things about Australia

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2022:

Must be something new there because when I lived in Honolulu I met plenty of Australian women who had never had a man do that to them before....

Wish we had coding when young, I could code my way to happiness.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2022:

Thank goodness they didn't encode <H1> TITS </H1>

I insist "I am not stubborn".

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2022:

Women too.... Fortunately many of them will be anti-vaxxers....

A dilemma for governments

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2022:

The Water Boy...

BULLFIGHTING Some people think this a majestic battle between man and beast! Personally I think ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2022:

Personally I love a good bullfight.... Good being in my mind when the bull wins. https://youtu.be/xVvd3_IexUk https://youtu.be/mKBI76DO0YA https://youtu.be/3YvCdK0hOdM

What NOT to do!!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2022:

Wondering if you will be able to hear the scream of the chainsaw over his screams.....

I'll be on time babe.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2022:

Defying the law of gravity....

Ever been there? Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2022:

I went there a couple weeks ago. A little expensive but the food was good.

I think he found it

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2022:

Just getting his licks in....

Mom is under stress

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2022:

Dad would have seen four boats....

Biden is not doing anything and immigrants are taking our jobs.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 17, 2022:

Not to mention those technology jobs....

It don't matter in the South

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 17, 2022:

....

You meet your 18-year-old self and are allowed only four words; what do you say?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 17, 2022:

Don't do it....

What do you do when the partner is dumbass?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 17, 2022:

Joe: "Bend over and I will show you...."

I was in th Navy, an oldie but a goody.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 15, 2022:

Funny except the Marine would have fragged all three zeros instead.....

I going to order in bulk, anyone want to get in on the volume discount?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 15, 2022:

Do they sell it by the fuck-ton?....

Coming soon to your news

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 15, 2022:

Da dun.... da dun..... da dun dun dun.....

Yes that makes sense.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 15, 2022:

Need more than a sports bra for those puppies....

I heard a newsman use this scene to describe Trump finding excuses. [youtu.be]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 15, 2022:

Never his fault it is always someone else when he screws up.....

Why are white gangs the scariest in prisons?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 15, 2022:

Considering how many judges and district attorneys are Republicans that makes them even more scary....

She probably did

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 15, 2022:

She's already a hole in one so why worry?...

Damn shopping list....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 14, 2022:

Going to use that the next time some guy in a small penis truck pulls into the grocery store parking lot.... Let them try something stupid.... Sentencing for Elder Abuse The difference between battery and elder abuse is that elder abuse is a wobbler crime, meaning it may be charged as a misdemeanor or a felony. If charged as a misdemeanor, you can face up to 364 days in county jail and $6,000 in fines. These are additional punishments on top of other charges you potentially may face, such as a battery or assault. If charged as a felony, you could be sentenced to up to four years in prison and fined up to $6,000. The following additional penalties may apply: 3-5 years in prison if great bodily injury is caused 5-7 years in prison if the victim dies from the abuse

Happy Saturday Night!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 13, 2022:

And Re: #4 that is pretty much what you have to do today because they just spoof their numbers anyway...

Happy Saturday Night!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 13, 2022:

So is that the state breakfast cereal of Louisiana ?...

Trump criminal galore

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 13, 2022:

And what are we hearing from our Republican members lately?.... *crickets*

Don't tell me that the spare tyre is right at the bottom of the pile - that's gotta be frustrating.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 13, 2022:

I guess he finally figured out he should have bought a bigger truck...

I had to pass this on.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2022:

Surprised they haven't locked you up yet....

An odd collection, have at it.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2022:

Re: #2 no wonder the exhaust system was so noisy.....

Divided loyalties???

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2022:

That one picture should be enough to get the Catholic Church removed from 501c3 status....

That's the only problem.....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2022:

Lucky bastard....

Putin met with Zalenskyy and said "After I die, I bet you'll piss on my grave" And Zalenskyy said...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2022:

Going to need a raised walkway and an 3 meter retaining wall.... The guy selling tickets will be a billionaire overnight.

He predicted the Earth would freeze in 2014. We are in 2022 and it is hot in Texas.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2022:

The only thing I can say in favor of Al Gore is that he would have made a better president than George W Bush.... Other than that both he and his wife were morons. https://youtu.be/veoYcsH7Wrs

Thursday Night Meme Dump! 😂😂😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 11, 2022:

Just flush.....

According to ancient Japanese lore, a person’s aura takes a particular colour right before they ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 11, 2022:

Where is the barf emoji?.....

Denied coverage because of a bad pun. That hurts.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 11, 2022:

The state of Washington has already legalized composting human remains....

A few on the Orange Turd...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2022:

Just when he thought it was safe....

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2022:

Gud what a horrid punchline....

I love the way this guy thinks! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2022:

Problem with snow is you slip and fall on your ass then a cop arrests you saying you were "drunk in public" when at most you had 10 or 12 lousy beers...

I don’t know why I post this here. You know this.🙄

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

Why?... Because the truth can be funny....

One day Boudreau and Thibodeau were fishing in their boats in the Basin Canal.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

Hence the old saw.... "be careful what you wish for you might just get it..."

Not really into body shaming, but....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

Must suck trying to find a pair of shoes that fit and aren't open toed...

It truly is an ill wind that doesn't blow some good.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

At which point the girls who didn't want to kiss you suddenly all wanted to marry you....

I hate waking up just to go.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

Better than pissing the bed....

Good night and good morrow

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

Mom jokes you gotta love em....

You guys like what's going on in Mar-A-Lago?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

We can only hope he and all those around him end up with severe cases soon....

Yes it is

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

Karma is my best friend.... Seems like she pays a visit to everyone who pisses me off sooner or later.

Flogging a dead horse? :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

He meant to say "I should have divorced you 30 years ago for finding mistakes in everything I say..."

It's on my list of places to visit now! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

My guess is the editor is having a real difficult time trying to find a new job....

Some changes are coming

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

I have always loved the summer because women tend to wear less and show more....

Just like the French wine rules.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

https://youtu.be/dgUbRpdUN1w

What can I say, it's true lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

You forget we can see you....

In case you're tired of the dog days of August

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2022:

All my cats love having their bellies rubbed....

Plant tags (I need these).

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2022:

Sent this to a friend of mine who has a brown thumb....

I don't think Skynet is going to be self-aware anytime soon

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2022:

Looks exactly like Skynet thinking to me....

Don't you hate when you're looking for something and some else has already used it?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2022:

Now that will cause a flap....

I was thinking the same thing.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2022:

And this one killed James painfully after 3 weeks of suffering....

ExplosmEntertainment - Satanic Messages - Comic Classics [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2022:

All these years since the 1950s' Christians have been playing rock and roll music forward and backwards trying to prove these messages actually exist when you can find the real evil just by reading the bible....

Good deal if you need them. Even when they don't work, you can use them as a roach clip.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2022:

That would have to be one hellava big joint.... A real Cheech and Chong special.

What employee shortage?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2022:

Tried that place about 20 years back and it really wasn't that great.... Microwaves could only have improved the food.

Three soldiers get ambushed on patrol and get taken prisoner.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2022:

Talk about going out with a bang....

I think he means honest

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 7, 2022:

Kind of depends on what kind of job she is auditioning for doesn't it?....

Happy Sunday!!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 7, 2022:

Couple really funny ones in there.... Boston market learned a valuable lesson about the Internet and Alex Jones learned about reality....

It would appear that everyone taken in the rapture will be naked??

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 7, 2022:

Bunch of fat, toothless, rednecks forgot their clothes but took their guns..... Now I know heaven would be a place that I wouldn't go....

Aww! You poor lonely little soul .....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 7, 2022:

Completely the opposite of all my cats...

Two guys grow-up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 7, 2022:

Well somebody is about to have a case of dejavu....

The 6th grade teacher, Mrs Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 7, 2022:

Some people can't help but brag because there is actually nothing to brag about....

Well, he told the truth...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 6, 2022:

Doggone funny...

Another 5 years in the can probably, how disappointing! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 5, 2022:

I bet he was in prison for trying to dig into a bank vault and coming out in the women's bathroom....

Got to love it...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 5, 2022:

As pissed as that judge is getting he might be spending the rest of his life in a roach motel....

One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel and Clotile was ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 5, 2022:

https://youtu.be/MdJ1LwAjEY4

My thoughts on the matter....You?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 5, 2022:

A properly thrown bible can be accurate at distances up to 30 feet or more. The trick is taping the cover shut to eliminate wind resistance....

Never get smart with an officer of the law! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2022:

Could have been worse.... He could have been dumb with the cop and said something like "thanks glad to know I am not ugly like you" then he would have needed a lot more money for bail and to pay hospital bills....

Oh, be a sport. Laugh!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2022:

I resemble that remark.... Most people my age are technologically challenged...

Holding on hard.🤔🤣🤣

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2022:

What a pair of swingers....

Mrs. Betty Bowers [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2022:

Sums up primitive superstitions nicely...

Know it but don't worry.... Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 3, 2022:

Don't you just hate it when they are filming Mite porn and doing those messy facials all night?....

So true, so true...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 3, 2022:

More proof Elon Musk is a moron.... Anyone with half a brain would have brought in fill dirt to raise the level of the ground to prevent flooding.... Stupid fucking Libertarian jackass.

I have to use this one today.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 2, 2022:

Ouch.....

Leave me alone...I'm trying...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 2, 2022:

Maybe you just need a bigger door is all....

Living proof, you can get a golf ball through a garden hose!!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 2, 2022:

Tell her to lick her lips then stick her to a window at the mall.... See how long she struggles before someone calls 911 to get her loose.

So China has moved to Florida now... O...kay... 😶 You learn everyday, don't you? 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2022:

Florida is the limp dick of humanity....

These conversations are all one sided anyway! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2022:

Then during that last moment don't forget to say... "Ah shit looks like nobody is there after all what a waste of time and money that was..."

Smart Woman...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2022:

The things we have to say just to get laid after we say "I do..."