My philosophy of life

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 16, 2022:

The secret to staying out of jail is don't get caught....

Imagine being so worked up over a pride parade you feel compelled to get in a UHaul with a bunch of ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 16, 2022:

Not to mention ending up in a bondage situation at the end of the ride....

Just saying it might happen to you.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 16, 2022:

Don't I wish....

I am not going back there...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 15, 2022:

For the one on the left they should have had a Catholic Priest.....

The truth will save you

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 15, 2022:

At least they were honest....

If You Can't Handle Comedy...STAY HOME! | Titus Podcast [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 15, 2022:

If you can't take a joke you might just be one.....

I don't know what I would order in a restaurant in China.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 15, 2022:

Something vegetarian for me from what I have heard of their meat industry there....

I think it is clear but only to some....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 14, 2022:

This is for the guy who parks under a tree for the shade then complains about the birds that shit on his car....

Can we settle what's moray?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 14, 2022:

When that eel in the reef thinks you are beef that's a Moray....

He is gonna be a deadbeat dad

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 14, 2022:

Surprised he lived long enough to respond.....

I see a country song in there somewhere.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 14, 2022:

What happens to your inflatable doll when you have a needle dick....

I hope I win, I need to go shopping.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 14, 2022:

Now that is a huge jackpot....

Relax. 🎶 So, fa, so good. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 14, 2022:

The sound of muszak

I always wondered.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 14, 2022:

Actually it is a idiot who wasted a lot of money taking a useful work vehicle and turning it into an expensive off road vehicle they never take off road..... and of course it chews up expensive tires as well as over stressing the steering gear and drive train so not only is it undependable and expensive to maintain but useless as a work vehicle anymore. All that to compensate for having a tiny dick...

I am getting there - slowly but surely.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 14, 2022:

And here we always thought masturbation made you blind....

There’s always something in the bottom of the freezer that never seems to get taken out

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 14, 2022:

The couple that slays together stays together....

There’s always something in the bottom of the freezer that never seems to get taken out

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 14, 2022:

First wife I bet.....

That'll work!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 13, 2022:

With prices what they are today that would result in them being kidnapped...

I have just got to see the female version of this thing! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 13, 2022:

Be careful what you ask for....

It's Monday again!!! 😓🤣🤣🤣

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 13, 2022:

When the A/C in your car goes out on the way to the store.....

NO HANDS Magician FOOLS Penn & Teller With Sleight of Hand!?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 13, 2022:

I would hate to play poker with that guy for money.....

Optimist of the year....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 13, 2022:

Utterly shocking....

Lions, tigers and bears....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 13, 2022:

Well "Oh my...."

I heard a rumor that a group of native americans want to open a nudist resort and they want to call ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 13, 2022:

And their mascot will be the Hamm's bare.....

Tough spot to be in.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 13, 2022:

Has anyone ever stopped to wonder why they call it a "rectory?"

He has that fear, I don't

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 13, 2022:

Sad what he is missing out on...

Have you ever noticed it?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 13, 2022:

Yeah I know a lot of people like that.... Makes it fun to see them lose it completely.

Let's make the list longer! 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 12, 2022:

While I was out I saw one on a tee shirt today...... "2022 classic Chevy pick up..."

Let's make the list longer! 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 12, 2022:

Ethical politician

Let's make the list longer! 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 12, 2022:

Sure bet

Let's make the list longer! 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 12, 2022:

Common Sense

Let's make the list longer! 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 12, 2022:

The party of the left.....

Let's make the list longer! 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 12, 2022:

Religious education

Betty Zingers! [m.youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 12, 2022:

I can only hope that I am in that good of shape at her age...

It is a sad story

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 11, 2022:

Every time I see candidates like Pelosi or Manchin or any other conservative fraudsters running for office I expect less than nothing and the only thing that disappoints me is that people are stupid enough to vote for them....

So that's where the military gets ideas from...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 11, 2022:

Actually that is where COVID comes from..... It originated from the MERS virus carried by Dromedaries AKA Camels.

Uh? City must mean something here

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 11, 2022:

Typical government thinking.... This is right so let's not do it that way.

I suppose I knew my place.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 11, 2022:

And women who think like this wonder why their marriages so often end in divorce.....

I wasn't drunk after all

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 11, 2022:

"On your knees and pray for I am holey cat....."

My cat would've insisted that I also open the front door so as to prove that it is raining on both ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 11, 2022:

Your cat is looking for the door into summer....

A nun, desperately needing to use the restroom, walked into a local bar.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 11, 2022:

Someone needs to smack her hand with a ruler....

An innocent surprise

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 11, 2022:

In other words "prayers didn't work....

I’m now officially a militant atheist.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 11, 2022:

Never lose your temper it is not worth it. I would have taken his pamphlet, wiped my ass with it and handed it back telling him he was a pathetic little brainwashed worm who was reinforcing his own insecurities about his beliefs by trying to force them on others and as such needed intensive mental health counseling. Doing that leaves them with one less piece of garbage hate literature to victimize someone with and hopefully either a stroke or a sever reluctance to try his scam on others.

Sin frequently, for Christ’s sake.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 10, 2022:

Just call me "Sinbad Lee..."

So a stoner, a whoremonger, and an alcoholic are all on the bus together when they get in a fatal ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 10, 2022:

Now that would be hell....

I'll have to agree with him.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 10, 2022:

I would vote for him...

Is this deductible?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 10, 2022:

Send one to the worthless asshole political hack of your choice....

Oh.... It didn't turn out that way.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 10, 2022:

Not to mention rioting conservatives spreading deadly viruses.....

A horse goes to the vet complaining about stomach pains.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 10, 2022:

GQP tested and approved....

Ever been here? It does not sound good.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 10, 2022:

I try to avoid Redneck Delicatessens......

That'll keep ya hummin'!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 10, 2022:

100 degrees here today and baked enough without it....

Now that’s some righteous crap!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 10, 2022:

....

Truth be told, this is how it really is.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 10, 2022:

They should be required to stream that during their entire broadcast....

Hi, I am your new cheaper Uber.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 10, 2022:

Just horsing around.....

Not the future we imagined as kids.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 10, 2022:

Why not take advantage and piss off the people who come on after the robot to annoy them in return?...

Come on don't be so rigid!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 10, 2022:

And if she had been a snow woman?....

Fireworks!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 9, 2022:

Talk about going out with a bang....

Grammar teachers have been telling us.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 9, 2022:

It's = it is Its = possessive form

My friend in Virginia can help you

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 9, 2022:

When I was working at the used car lot we used to get cars coming to us by sellers where the entire engine compartment had been painted silver.... As soon as we popped the hood and saw that we closed it up and told the seller "no deal".... In the trade this was called "Mexican chrome" usually all the vacuum lines had been pulled off and the emissions stickers painted over and honestly what kind of moron paints the radiator hoses silver?

There used to be some great contributors to this group, they posted clever and extremely funny posts...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 9, 2022:

If you don't like the post that is why they invented the scroll wheel for your mouse.....

Why would he do that?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 9, 2022:

Throw him a bone....

Quality Time with the Family

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 9, 2022:

Boy that kid has a look on his face like "get the fuck away from me pervert...."

Just so U know...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 9, 2022:

*vomits profusely...*

This is not even the worst safety violation I've seen. Do you have stories?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 8, 2022:

Back in 1977 I was stationed in hanger one and we used to go up the ladder above the South doors for "soup" on Friday night.... https://www.tustinca.org/DocumentCenter/View/1163/The-Tustin-Hangars-Titans-of-History-PDF

Well that's a blast from the past!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 8, 2022:

The one in the middle is the brightest bulb in the bunch....

Mechanics sure haven't changed

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 8, 2022:

https://youtu.be/HYWzU5Q4Ypc

This is not even the worst safety violation I've seen. Do you have stories?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 8, 2022:

Reminds me of that silly game they came out with when I was a kid called "Mousetrap..." https://youtu.be/WkM6gRCNVyY

It takes a lot of work....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 8, 2022:

No wonder you are single....

Hanging a horse's shoe above a door is supposedly meant to bring luck.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 8, 2022:

Knowledge of how bad your taste is....

Didn't go as expected

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 7, 2022:

Perfect setup on an Internet scammer...

I promise, it'll be fun.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 7, 2022:

I would love to hear her sing.... https://youtu.be/Eab_beh07HU

Politics in the UK

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 7, 2022:

The English talk shit about US politics but if you look closely at theirs it is just a big a clusterfuck....

I think it can be safely said , it has caught on

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 7, 2022:

Well shit ya think?....

Must be a good album

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 6, 2022:

The perfect father's day gift....

Experience...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 6, 2022:

https://youtu.be/CZu9N8qMKjA

I haven't been to chick fil homophobes in decades. I will only go on Sundays, those pricks.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 5, 2022:

I go across the street from Chick fill a to Raising Caines the food is better and their politics don't suck... Oh and they are open Sundays...

Now think about it.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 5, 2022:

or roughly translated "Fuck things and people over and you fuck yourself..."

When you're afraid to eat in front of people. [facebook.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 5, 2022:

Greedy little fucker isn't he?...

I wanted to tell Daddy 'I love him'

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 5, 2022:

What a wonderful Father's day gift.... a new paint job for his car......

It's a 'man in charge' thing. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 5, 2022:

My mother used to cook everything the same too.... Burnt...

I am going to grow a beard... Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 5, 2022:

Newsflash Jason it doesn't look good now.... It looks like a device for sneaking extra food out of an all you can eat restaurant....

I hope Depp wouldn't mind.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 5, 2022:

Have to shutdown the stage after her "act" for cleaning and sterilization....

It is terrible here

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 5, 2022:

And some fake captain for a fictional starship who funds right-wing causes....

COVID risk is high

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 4, 2022:

Unfortunately this is the kind of nonsense bullshit most conservatives think is really happening...

Just a few weird things about Christofascists.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 4, 2022:

Robert Ingersoll was one of the smartest best spoken men of his age....

Working crazy for the lazy

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 4, 2022:

I bet his boss fired him when he saw that shirt......

Please get tested

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 4, 2022:

Wait until you see where the second banana goes.....

Imagine that...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 4, 2022:

I have been in Assbook jail so many times I should be in the Guinness World Records Museum...

Here's what will work

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 3, 2022:

I blame her, her mother and her sister....

Biden and Zelensky Reach Agreement to Send Americans’ Four Hundred Million Guns to Ukraine | The ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 3, 2022:

Better yet how about drafting incels and militias then dumping them around Russian troops and telling the Russians they are a special operations force come to destroy them....

I dare them to ban me. Fuk Zuk

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 3, 2022:

Fuckerberg is a little bitch....

Summer book sale...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 2, 2022:

Ok then if nobody else wants to go there...... Double points....

Queen Elizabeth will not attend the jubilee

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 2, 2022:

Coke and a smile....

It already Thursday!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 2, 2022:

I just love telling the scammers from India that if their family ever finds out they are stealing from older people who can't afford it they will not only be disowned but when they die the entire family will shit on their corpse and put them out with the rest of the trash.... For some reason they get upset when I say things like that to them....

I, and I hope others too.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 2, 2022:

I am guessing she was grown in a Peach Tree Dish....

First summer picnic...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 2, 2022:

I actually have the full set sitting on my desk right now....

Attitude adjustment...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 2, 2022:

Which is why so many Republican incels are mass shooters....

Might want to rethink that name.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 2, 2022:

But think of the marketing aspects to Christians.... "Drink the wine that Jesus drank..."

Oh no, has it ever happened to you?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 1, 2022:

Well if by family he meant her sisters....

Send a picture please

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 1, 2022:

Unfortunately many people actually are that stupid....