So there is a condolence card in the break room for one of my coworkers who’s dad just died.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 22, 2019:

No because these types of cards are often sent by well meaning fools to people who may not even share their beliefs. I would go directly to my coworker and let them know if they need anything even just to talk I am available. Religious condolence cards are just another form of Snots and Bears...

UPDATE on Religion's professor saying atheism is a religion.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 21, 2019:

Please inform your professor that atheism is NOT a religion because it lacks the defining characteristic called "faith" (Absolute belief in divinity without evidence it exists...) and that he should therefore not be teaching at any level in any subject because he lacks the ability to determine reality from his own twisted fantasies...

No thanks.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 20, 2019:

I will take "Why grammar is so important" for 200 Alex...

Free to a good home.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 20, 2019:

Sold.... She will make a wonderful yard cat in my neighborhood and will rid me of pests that come into the yard like Jehovah's Witnesses....

Thank gawd for being able to marry your sister in the heart of the Bible Belt!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 20, 2019:

Considering the state is run by Republicans who openly state they would rather vote for a child molester than a Democrat....

I hate Franklin Graham.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 20, 2019:

This was another classic...

almost a doonsberry

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 20, 2019:

I know where you stole this from.... :D

Fox News contributor says that Trump is beginning to look 'younger' and can 'outwork anyone' | ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 20, 2019:

The meth is strong in that one....

Epstines murder was ruled a suicide. Heard that on fox.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 20, 2019:

On what?...

I'm an award winner.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 19, 2019:

Well 5 out of 6 isn't too bad right?...

That’ll teach’em

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 19, 2019:

https://youtu.be/yt6cAzUCdkw

Don't know what the question was, but yes.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 19, 2019:

common things to do at a family reunion...

Ladies, does this look familiar?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 18, 2019:

Since I don't have much hair this one doesn't apply to me...

Here you go, guys!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 17, 2019:

Well you know the old saying...

Can she even act?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 17, 2019:

Just what the world needs.... More trash in the ocean... The only "acting talent" in her family is acting bored, self absorbed, entitled, and idiotic...

Can’t compete with the Bern

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 17, 2019:

Most women love the guy and he doesn't take advantage of them either...

Those were the days

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 17, 2019:

And look how that turned out...

Costs go up. It was inevitable.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 17, 2019:

Now they are done with... https://youtu.be/PZuHAsf6qO0

It was wrong back then too

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 16, 2019:

Up until the 1930s' it was still legal to marry an 8 year old in Delaware... That law was written by Christians who actively fought to preserve their "god given right" to marry children....

Agnostic vs Atheist Sorry to rake up this seemingly old one up again but there have been so many ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 14, 2019:

Your second statement is false to fact.... History and archaeology​ both show that religion is made up and recycled bullshit from previous myths and legends....

Can you think of a 15 character or less atheist statement for my glasses arm?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 14, 2019:

"If you are affiliated with any religious organization please go to hell..."

Can you logically be both a White Supremacist and a Christian?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 14, 2019:

Obviously.... The bible after all supports slavery...

Would you as an agnostic or atheist marry a Christian?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 14, 2019:

Keep her as a fuck buddy and make sure she is on birth control as well as using protection...

Love kitty porn! Hahaha

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 13, 2019:

Oh baby yeah...

I couldn’t think of a good caption. Help me out, please. (Great pic for whoever did this!)

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 13, 2019:

Nailed it... As for the caption... "One of you here is keeps showing me up..."

Would you as an agnostic or atheist marry a Christian?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 13, 2019:

I tried it once and that is why I have an ex-wife...

Has anyone else noticed that they cry more since Trump became president?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2019:

I try my best to make his terrorist supporters cry instead.... They really hate me calling them draft dodgers and terrorists...

Classic 😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2019:

Excellent question please excuse me while I has a smoke and think this over a bit....

Not all of them but you get it!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2019:

Just the ones who only have pride in the color of their skin...

Some pictures I have saved as inspiration for my dream of a perfectly decorated home.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2019:

One day I want to hit the Sun City estate sales for antiques so I can refinish and reupholster them all to match the home I am in now...

Low tolerance for whiners.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2019:

Calls people "whiners", whines to empty chairs....

Proceed with caution.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2019:

Gad these are all just like something I say on a daily basis just to piss people off....

Knock! Knock! Who is there? Jehovah! Jehovah who?? Witnesses!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2019:

"Sorry you just missed the orgy but we are having the human sacrifice in 20 minutes did you want to join us?..."

here's an interesting tid bit: Tax rates on the top tax bracket: 1918 77% 1921 73% 1923 56% ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 11, 2019:

Yes and every time you bring it up the GOP claims you are lying...

Now have to wait for the Jeffrey Epstein memes to come out

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2019:

There are already hundreds of them and more than half are from far-right-wing sources trying to claim that even though Epstein was in Federal custody with Barr in charge it was the Clintons...

The Navys newest ship!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2019:

I guess Trump went aboard for an inspection and the weight limit was exceeded...

I blame the kids game Hangman. - Tom Simmons (comedian).

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2019:

He went to sleep with his tie on and someone must have raised the Barr on him....

😟☹️😣😖😫😩🥺😳😬

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2019:

Sounds about right...

Is there nobody at this church with a dirty enough mind to stop this?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2019:

This one must be next door to them...

Taxation is theft.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2019:

When I hear stupidity like that from the Libertarians I just tell them to try Somalia because they don't have taxes there....

Hangdog look.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2019:

Except for this guy...

At the controls...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2019:

Every time someone talks about chemtrails I think to myself....

Am I that uncle?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2019:

I like Stan's thinking... My take has always been when people call me a pessimist I explain I am an optimistic pessimist... I know things are fucked but if I keep laughing people think I am crazy and leave me out of the fucked up mess they create for themselves...

Don't think I could deal with that.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2019:

Oh God Book 3...

This is the response from Candice Keller, an Ohio HR Republican who is running for State Senate, to ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 6, 2019:

Funny how the vast majority of those shooters not only are Christian but come from those "traditional families..." FYI she looks like a really low grade drag queen herself.... Yeah I told her that publicly on Twitter...

This guy is SERIOUS about his biking safety.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 6, 2019:

I didn't know they had bike lanes in Texass...

Religious education.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 6, 2019:

I see they didn't bother to teach English at that school either...

So it's not just me...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 6, 2019:

Considering he was Methodist and refused to wear a chastity belt I think we know where it all started.... Later he converted to Secular Humanism it seems...

Yeah, that's true.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 6, 2019:

Fucking junk food...

Seems appropriate these days

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 6, 2019:

And we get called "terrorists..."

You know you were thinking it.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 6, 2019:

Doesn't seem to be a lot of Spider Robinson fans here...

Mr. Potato head

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 5, 2019:

And yet upside down Mr. Potato Head not only looks smarter he is smarter...

You did say bad taste 😉

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2019:

Want some more?...

Aaand trouble in 3...2...1....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2019:

https://youtu.be/pjFTubAdXP8

I'll head right over there!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2019:

Walmart?...

What best describes Trump as a president?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2019:

He is a scumbag magnet...

One for the history books

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 3, 2019:

He did it first...

Hot pocket

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 3, 2019:

Did somebody say hot pocket?...

Random memes

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 2, 2019:

https://youtu.be/6l1GvDWtccI

That is dark

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 2, 2019:

Love my coffee...

Windbag.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 2, 2019:

https://www.funnyordie.com/2019/7/30/20747838/trump-robot-spits-ibuprofen-whenever-president-tweets

Meth helluva drug! Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 2, 2019:

Well it could be the acid .... In Long Beach after the Deadheads got out of the concert you had to be careful driving around because they were just wandering around talking to trees.... But in all fairness he is wearing the right hoody...

Mmmm bacon

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 2, 2019:

https://youtu.be/isMFxOLbiro

EODead........

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2019:

Nothing like going out with a bang...

Rant on Televised Political Coverage.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 31, 2019:

Try NPR... https://www.mtpr.org/post/live-fact-checking-july-30-democratic-debate

Great name for a fudge factory.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 30, 2019:

I always liked their fudge ads...

Ah's been mispelled and mislead.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 30, 2019:

The first reply was sexting...

Imagine being the one who reported the incident and reading this.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 30, 2019:

Mmmmmmmmmm Baby....

So confusing...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 30, 2019:

Because it's not unusual....

Truth be told

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 29, 2019:

Because arming terrorists makes a country unsafe...

California has got to quit!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 29, 2019:

Why doesn't the Deep South have restrooms for Transgendered people?.... Because people there are so dumb they would think it was a place to get their transmission fixed in their pick up trucks...

How's this for offensive? Jackass

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 29, 2019:

I can top it...

Nailed it.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 29, 2019:

Hey Zeus makes great tacos...

Good question.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 28, 2019:

https://youtu.be/qB2H-Gp0nlE

Good question.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 28, 2019:

Well I am sure we can make a good gas.... er... guess...

Ba ba white sheep have you any brains

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 27, 2019:

https://vimeo.com/349649184?ref=fb-share&1=IwAR3Gk5GtLreqbmgaz61T9cIKj5yquwBo7dP0767bwSMKvbNWI0riMbEu1UQ

Some are..

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 27, 2019:

Way too many...

Is it just me or do Christian movies always have terrible acting?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 27, 2019:

The only thing I like about those crap films is writing reviews on them....

Wooo hoooo!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 26, 2019:

Not really.... https://youtu.be/u5HOt0ZOcYk

'In God We Trust' Signs Go Up In South Dakota Public Schools, As Required By Law : NPR

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 25, 2019:

Time to swap the "D" and "G"...

It really happened.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 25, 2019:

The best part of all this is the guy who created that graphic was a Republican.... https://theguardiansofdemocracy.com/creator-of-doctored-trump-presidential-seal-is-a-republican-who-despises-trump/

Some misanthropic ones

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 24, 2019:

Love that hunter....

Scientific fact!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 23, 2019:

Far too many of them all through the ages...

I really want to see this tennis match.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 23, 2019:

The people holding the rights to the "Dumb and Dumber" movies are suing for copyright infringement...

It does help

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 23, 2019:

Cats can be very neurotic....

Well, well, well.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 23, 2019:

https://youtu.be/lOfZLb33uCg

Pretty accurate

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 23, 2019:

Even more so...

Rules about self promotion?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 23, 2019:

The way it works is pretty much universal.... If your are putting up something worth watching people will.... If you fuck it up people will ignore you...

I’ll still be posting my videos on here but I finally made a YouTube channel to get my comedy out ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 23, 2019:

It is good you are putting yourself out there. Keep working at it and someday if you really want this you might just make it big... Never be afraid to chase your dreams. PS You have a new subscriber...

Fear of Death

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 23, 2019:

I don't want to die but all the same I know I eventually will.... Fear it? No why should I fear what is going to happen fear or no fear? To live a life of fear isn't living...

If you ever watched Star Trek...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 22, 2019:

I have most of the Startrek episodes from all the series and the movies as well... It was a joke dating back to the 1960s' (at least with my friends and I)that if someone was wearing a red shirt you knew who was going to die in that episode but a week or two later they would be back with a different name and another red shirt...

Sad, but true

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 22, 2019:

Same goes for Christians like Churchill and every other religion...

So that's how!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 22, 2019:

Sounds about right to me...

Subway cancels new ad campaign....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 22, 2019:

LMAO I am really wondering how many of you get this...^^^^

Nuff said. F%n losers.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 22, 2019:

Too many generations of Bro and Sis towels in the Master Bathroom....

Yeah! Two for one: hydration and demolition!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 22, 2019:

Don't forget the beer Paul is thirsty...

more for ya

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 22, 2019:

And a few back at you...

Found this table on the side of the road and decided to refurbish it.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 21, 2019:

Very nice work out here you could make a really nice living doing pieces like this.

1. How many are on this site looking for a companion?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 21, 2019:

I live in Southern California why would I want to move elsewhere?... Next year my income should go up enough for me to pay off my home and make some improvements to it so I can sell it for enough to relocate closer to the beach. Or if I make up my mind to stay here I can be debt free in about 5 years.

Me on my death bed...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 21, 2019:

I got to thinking about the possible conversation between God, Adam & Eve, and the snake within the Garden of Eden; so here’s what I think was said. [Adam walks up to God at the tree of knowledge] ADAM: God, I need to talk to you GOD: yea Adam, what do you want now? ADAM: I’m horny as hell, I want a woman to screw, and I’m tired of just jerking off all the time while watching the chimpanzees fuck GOD: Ok but I'll need one of your ribs then. ADAM: Why? GOD: I ran out of “lady making stuff” ADAM: you said you built this whole universe just by saying some magical words, so why can’t you just create a woman just by saying some magical words over some mud like you did with me? GOD: because I make the male of the species from mud then I need its DNA to create its mate ADAM: why not make both from mud? GOD: because that’s how I do it, case closed ADAM: hang on I just thought of something, if you use my DNA for the woman, wouldn’t she be my sister? GOD: yea so? ADAM: so you want me to have incest sex with my sister? GOD: so sue me for wanting to watch you two in incest porn, get over it. ADAM: fine, take my rib, I’m so horny right now I’ll even screw my sister. [God picks up a rock] ADAM: what’s up with the rock GOD: I’ll need to knock you out because taking your rib will hurt like hell and you’ll want to be unconscious for it ADAM: ok just hurry up. [God knocks out Adam] [Once Adam wakes up, Eve is sleeping next to him, then she wakes up] GOD: ok the first thing before you two start screwing, Adam, Eve, you don’t never ever want to eat from that tree. [Pointing to the tree of knowledge] ADAM: why don’t we want to eat from that tree? [Pointing to the tree of knowledge] GOD: Because it is the tree of knowledge. If you eat from it, you will die EVE: What is “Die”? GOD: Die is not being alive ADAM: Will we die right away? GOD: No, not right away, but in about 900 years or so, after you’ve had some kids and stuff. ADAM: Kids? What are kids? GOD: You’ll have to eat from that tree [pointing to the tree of knowledge] to find out EVE: Okay [starts to walk to the tree of knowledge] GOD: No, stop!!! Do NOT eat from that tree! EVE: But you said I wouldn’t know what “kids” are, unless I eat from the tree. GOD: That’s right ADAM: But we mustn’t eat from it….. GOD: That is correct. ADAM: Because….? GOD: Because then you will have knowledge ADAM: And that is bad because….? GOD: Because then you’ll die EVE: But not right away. GOD: correct, in a few hundred years you’ll die ADAM: And dying is bad? GOD: Of course dying is bad! You’d have to leave the Garden of Eden and come up to Heaven. EVE: What is Heaven? GOD: It’s where I live. It’s a place of pure joy and ...