You'd think he'd know better

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 16, 2021:

He should learn how to measure better...

....but it will change my DNA!!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 16, 2021:

After all what possible harm could it do?....

This is why i live in South Florida

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 16, 2021:

Trump moved in so there goes your neighborhood....

Redneck tailgate

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 15, 2021:

Is the the model with the wood bump her?...

Used this yesterday, now we are inseparable

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 15, 2021:

https://youtu.be/Bi4RD9AInjU

Redneck tailgate

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 15, 2021:

From the guys who brought you the Toy-Yoda....

Heres another juvinille one but that's how I roll

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 14, 2021:

Could have met her faster...

It's Underrated

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 14, 2021:

Watch out for the peanut butter....

I really get you

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 13, 2021:

*Groans*

both need to be baked

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 13, 2021:

He looks baked enough for both of them...

"This year, use this!"

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 11, 2021:

And shoot them in the ass....

Ok, I was safe for a minute

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 11, 2021:

Just don't glue your dick to your stomach....

I seem to be stuck on this today.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 11, 2021:

For fucks sake use Elmer's glue instead....

Not in my hair, not in my chair

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 11, 2021:

She is just lucky she didn't use epoxy.... still she is going to look like one of Trump's golf resorts with a shit pot of divots on her head...

I'm not sure which way to go at the fork

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 11, 2021:

You were supposed to take a left at the spork in the road not the fork dammit!

If you're on a diet, you can even donate them.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 11, 2021:

Last time they were selling them at the store near me I bought 6 boxes to give away because I am diabetic...

Finding others that aren't offended by my dark sense of humor ❤

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 11, 2021:

As long as she doesn't send me a dick pic it's all good...

Head and shoulders

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 11, 2021:

Looks like Head and Shoulders works wonders on Gorilla glue....

There is an upcoming lockdown Worldwide 😂😂😂😂 set aside your bitterness ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 9, 2021:

Does tying her to the bed count?.... As long as you use pad locks that is... *Asking for a friend...*

I bought a composter a few months back and it’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 9, 2021:

Glad to hear you are doing and feeling better.

Ha ha ha. (Evil, far away snickering in the back.)

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 8, 2021:

In two to four weeks I am sure they will be feeding bodies to the Gators...

Southern exposure

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 8, 2021:

Getting ready for that big date...

Pissing contest?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 7, 2021:

Looks more like a fudgesicle to me...

Bite me..

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 7, 2021:

You know she might be a Redneck when...

People were not so easily offended years ago.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2021:

In those days anyone who wasn't a Baptist member of the Klan was a "commie" yet to this day nobody seems to know what communism or socialism actually is...

Wait. What!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2021:

Gave her a pet wussy....

Follow me for more party tips!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2021:

Aaaahhhhh I remember those days well.... er... wait....

How just how !?!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2021:

Zipperhead was used in Korea and Vietnam as a derogatory term by the military the first was because of how the enemy's head looked after being shot with a high power rifle and the second meant "Zero Intelligence Potential" so it was ok to just kill them instead of dragging them back to your firebase... In this case it seems Zero Intelligence Potential has been taken to a whole new level...

Last thing he hears as the anesthesia starts to take effect 😮

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2021:

Just don't sneeze David this is a cyst removal not a sex change operation....

Not hungry all of a sudden

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2021:

So they have incall and outcall then?....

Qookoo for cocoa puffs..

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2021:

Jewish space lasers....

I'll stick with Bacon, thanks. (CAUTION: THIS IS ONLY A JOKE!)

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2021:

.......................................

Spotted at the Kroger, it's tough getting experienced help.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2021:

With Kroger's prices this only seems appropriate....

Nothing personal...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2021:

People refusing to listen to you make an ass of yourself has nothing to do with George Orwell... George Orwell would have called you an ass as well and told you to find somewhere else to peddle your hate and stupidity...

Sometimes I feel like there is no hope.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2021:

That picture reminds me of the crazy Elvis fan girl in Zombieland 2 when she is driving over the Zombie hoard spinning donuts in a monster truck... Where is she when you need her?...

Get your shot Moron!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2021:

If you are really worried about being microchipped that is easy to solve all you have to do is use any good quality stun gun on the chip by placing it carefully over the injection site and zapping it until it burns out the chip rendering in useless... If you do this several times for 15 seconds each time that should solve the issue of being tracked by GPS. To check if you have disabled the chip look in your cellphone to see if the GPS is still on if it is it will show advertisements for restaurants in your area if so up the voltage no worry it is only electricity and can't hurt you 100,000 volts will disable any microchip just be sure you water the lawn first and take off your shoes by standing in it that should protect you....

Ok, so this is my final contribution for the day!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2021:

It seems Homeland Security was caught by surprise as well even with their highly lauded "fusion centers"... After checking it was a small wonder because instead of local law enforcement reporting signs of domestic terrorist activity they were reporting African American teens wearing BLM shirts taking shortcuts through White neighborhoods... That or "major crimes" like Jaywalking...

He was everyone's friend! Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2021:

He means Dead Space right?... Far as I know there hasn't been anyone over the age of 15 there for at least 20 years... Except for the pedophiles and priests of course...

Might have been for some..

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2021:

Looks like a Trojan ad.... "Ribbed for her pleasure.."

Yesterday was my third anniversary being here on this site! 🎉🥂🍾🍻🎊

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2021:

.........................

Poor Wallstreet power brokers...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2021:

Now they are working over the silver market....

Schrodinger's cat

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2021:

Nobody ever thought to ask the cat....

Smudge le cat et l'importance of putting le dot on le i!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2021:

There is a Black Angus restaurant near me I always wanted to turn off the lighted 'G' just to see how long it would take people to notice....

Grandma gets around..

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2021:

Royalty makes me want to vomit...

Decisions.. choose wisely.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2021:

We know what her choice was.....

Not looking good like your shoe polish hair treatment

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2021:

I could just see this dumbass doing something this stupid....

Gamestop, the new Bernie

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2021:

They were fleeced as white as snow.... And every where that Mary went their cash was sure to go...

My new diet is really tasty

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2021:

Looks like it's time for a Southern Baptist fish fry....

Any ideas out there?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2021:

How to look thin when you are a fatty....

A question for the ages

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2021:

He could also be a cow poker....

A mutch better description

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2021:

Do they end up sleeping with pigs too?... Oh... never mind...

I don't see the thrill in posting dick pics

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2021:

How about that a dick with no balls...

In case you needed another reason.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 29, 2021:

And something to wash it down with...

Kina like this idea. Meow!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 29, 2021:

......................

The more you drink, the more Atheist you become.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 29, 2021:

I would piss in his water for that. "Holy water" is dangerous shit (literally) and often contaminated with diseases.

That look on the best friend's face

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 29, 2021:

Some idiot had one of these parties up the hill a ways from me last year and put the smoke bomb in a field of dry grass.... He burned down thousands of acres and was arrested along with his wife for arson...

In case you needed another reason.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 29, 2021:

For dog's sake whatever you do don't fart....

This was 1 minute before he started peeing on everything I owned, it was worth it

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 28, 2021:

Meet Jason the cat....

Another day in the salt mines

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 28, 2021:

And in the janitor's closet you have you have a intern playing doctor with a nurse....

I got nothing

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 28, 2021:

When you lose control of your wiener and that white stuff is all over the place... Damn that one is hard...

The ego is pissed off

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 28, 2021:

Religion is what happens when you are afraid of not knowing....

Kraft Dinner · KD · Macaroni and Cheese Call it what you want.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 28, 2021:

I have a friend who has a 4 year old daughter who loves "Mac & Cheese" so I sent this to her...

Appearances can be deceiving ...[agnostic.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2021:

So hot chocolate then?...

Why men are chivalrous ...[agnostic.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2021:

Why are Rednecks attracted to women with no teeth? Because they don't have to worry about them sneezing while giving a blow job... Where does the custom of opening the door for a woman come from?... Letting her go through the door first allowed the guy to get out his sword while his enemy was killing her...

Proof that Mormons specialize in male dominated multiple marriages ...[agnostic.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2021:

And she thought she was getting a great deal...

Turning over a new leaf

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2021:

......................

I'm sure we all know a lot of people that need this plate on their truck

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2021:

If you ever wondered why so many Republicans hate African Americans this is it... Penis envy...

Too bad spell check doesn't pick up wrong words.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2021:

Another crappy menu choice from "Yum Brands..."

Omchezzus noooooooooooooo!!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2021:

This book coming from the state with the largest number of paid subscriptions for Internet porn cracks me up...

I understand that the Northeast is having a bit of a cold front going through

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2021:

Been there done that they still have those along some of the hiking trails in the state forests here...

Comeback to the no maskers!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2021:

Perfect tee shirt material...

I bet you thought it was just a cartoon

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2021:

https://youtu.be/B69ew9FtRF0

Take a second to enjoy the good things

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2021:

Just doing his job hard at work helping clear the street so traffic can resume...

With potty training, we wait for the child to reach a certain level of maturity and comprehension ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 27, 2021:

Stealing this so I can put it on a tee shirt...

Hellooooo Nurse.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2021:

Https://youtu.be/D0qDW9shiD8

Jesus Lunchables.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2021:

Cannibal Snack Packs...

Lol .

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2021:

Sounds more like a nightmare...

Its a Hooterville thing.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2021:

.........................

Makes perfect sense!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2021:

Kind of explains why there are so many Rednecks running around with the same DNA...

Those who live in glass houses...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2021:

Allow me....

One word.... Why.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2021:

Funny part is people like that wonder why they can't get a decent paying job....

Plant horror story

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2021:

Plant food......

Hey, I think I know that guy...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2021:

And then they cry about losing elections blaming it on everything but their lack of support for the voters who honestly see little difference between the parties so why bother to vote when they don't see any change that benefits them...

Gottta love word-play ....[agnostic.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2021:

........................

Beam me up Scotty!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2021:

Revenge is a dish best served with beer...

KarenPlease!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2021:

There are times when I wish we had star ships were we could name a really shitty planet Tartarus (they would never get the reference) and send them into exile there with only the contents of a 10X53 shipping container for each family filled with whatever they thought they would need to survive... Imagine haw fast they would resort to cannibalism....

CrushTheQ

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2021:

All wrapped up in fast food guts...

Understandable.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2021:

Probably just mad at all the Jebus freaks ...

What do you see: Dog or Demon Child??

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 26, 2021:

I saw the dog the rest is just bad photography and bad imagination...

I couldn’t help myself 😁

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 25, 2021:

Opposite ends of the spectrum though....

Dropped by to say hi.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 25, 2021:

Whom was it who once said "One should always forgive ones enemies but only after they are hung..." Oh yeah Heinrich Heine... P.S. I think she is one of many here who have me blocked for telling the truth...

Both are in jail...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 25, 2021:

I wonder if they both are trying to get an organic diet....

readthefineprint

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 25, 2021:

..........................

deTRUMPifyAmerica tribunalsfortraitors

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 25, 2021:

.......................

Ted Cruz once tried to ban Dildos in Texas. GoogleIt

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 25, 2021:

Seriously though he didn't even see the the irony in trying to ban himself from his own state....

No. No it is not.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 25, 2021:

Maybe you can guess what I think from these....

This popped up in a local group on FB. Thought y'all might appreciate.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 25, 2021:

Sounds like she needs to stop playing with her toys while driving...

Math... Math... Pi!!! Oh 3.14159!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 25, 2021:

.........................

Give it a sec... There you go. (not that I wish him any ill will.)

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 25, 2021:

I should hope you don't wish him harm he is the last best hope for the US which makes him the last best hope for the world. Only his organizing has put the DNC back in power and only he can wield enough influence to move them away from the corporate agenda...

Got to keep the twins from wandering

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 25, 2021:

Or dragging on the floor....