007 on his way

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 6, 2021:

I have a very looooonnnngggg list for him....

Can't seem to put my hand on the TP, tho???

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 6, 2021:

One big...

Who ya' gonna call...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 6, 2021:

A friend with a huge gun and a fast car....

Any special talents?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 5, 2021:

Does being able to cause religious people to become completely unhinged in less than one minute count?.... *Asking for a friend*

Over & over & over...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 5, 2021:

And scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll.......

& I don't even think this was WalMart!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 5, 2021:

https://youtu.be/p13yZAjhU0M

Balloons just won't cut it anymore...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 5, 2021:

..................................

Texas! Ugh!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 5, 2021:

................................

So the Qwazies out there had their Trump return inauguration day come and go yet nothing ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 5, 2021:

Update: I forgot to mention that they were under the impression that Trump would also cancel all rents and mortgages as well as make them rich by giving them money...

Does that mean that one personality could accuse you of cheating if you slept with another???

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 5, 2021:

..............................

heterological words

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 5, 2021:

..........................

A pair-o'-memes...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 4, 2021:

...................................

I'm so glad I drink my coffee black!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 4, 2021:

Like those big black ones do you?....

Kirk's Twerks???

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 4, 2021:

William Shithead deserves abuse after donating money for a Confederate statue about two years ago....

Reading is fun to be mental ...[agnostic.]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 3, 2021:

................................

Hard times are made easier with friends.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 3, 2021:

Funny thing about life is you never get out of it alive so you need to enjoy it while you can...

Skepticism is healthy ....[agnostic.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 3, 2021:

Easy answer for the kid.... Hand him 10 bucks and say when you question what others tell you often you find it will help you learn something you can profit from....

This would get me rammed where I live.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 3, 2021:

Simple solution.... Put that sign on a tree....

Fill in the blank...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 3, 2021:

Puddingist....

A Hitch slap from beyond...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 3, 2021:

Least hypothesis....

That is one conflicted Rebel...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 3, 2021:

............................

An oldie but a goodie...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 3, 2021:

This is the reason it makes me happy that I am not genetically related to my family....

god made me do this...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 2, 2021:

Marijuana?

But, you'd need alcohol if you saw this!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 2, 2021:

.........................................

Good advice!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 2, 2021:

Thanks a lot now I have to change the answers to my security questions...

Jingo Quotes by Terry Pratchett

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 2, 2021:

He never learned NOT to play with his food....

Wait... What?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 2, 2021:

That wasn't a lobster...

Jeebus flashbacks

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 2, 2021:

Damn I keep meaning to post this one but forget....

Peeps on meth

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 2, 2021:

Just replace the eyes with shiny glass beads and the Tweekers would adore them....

DIY peeps

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 2, 2021:

First good uses I have ever seen for these things.... Except for the last one that would make your wine taste like shit.

Lighter is no long brighter but its still light.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Mar 2, 2021:

And every time your lighter gets lighter your stash gets lighter which makes you higher....

Jeebus was a rookie..

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 28, 2021:

.......................

I blame it on Ted Cruz! Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 26, 2021:

Teddy the Traitor blames it on his daughter's wanting to go to Cancun...

Just wanted to have fun! Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 26, 2021:

...........................

Too much for him

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 26, 2021:

..........................

Oh so that's why! Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 26, 2021:

To become a Priest they should be required to register....

Seems like a fun project for Easter morning right as the churches are letting out

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 25, 2021:

Right outside a particularly nasty hate church.... First the "demonstration" staged of course with signs like "Islam is the way" and other things sure to offend them then after they go inside use concert speakers to blast a horn sound... Of course bring them back out by which time you have swapped the dolls and release them.... If you really want to rub it in dropping a nice scroll saying "sorry you picked the wrong religion" right in front of them as they stand there staring....

It's the opposite if you want to work for MyPillow.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 24, 2021:

Actually a good idea you just have to fire the ones who think Trump did later on anyway for participating in a Nazi or Klan rally....

Oulala! La fragrance du jour!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 23, 2021:

From the Ivanka collection....

When you both have a lot in common! Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 23, 2021:

And Donnie Dumbass JR shows up with one for the threesome....

You don't have to be the brightest bulb in the pack to spot a lot of fakes

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 22, 2021:

We have one here claiming it is from Denver Colorado who regularly posts pictures of a North-Western facing coastline of an ocean (unless the pictures are being inverted...). That profile only has one follower as well which seems to be another fake claiming to be from the same city...

As an infrequent and light weight user - I’ve been there

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 21, 2021:

When the munchies are a problem...

Which essential oil....?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 21, 2021:

I would have said Napalm...

Loads of bread

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 21, 2021:

Let me see.... Bread, milk, and something to spread .... Yep finished shopping...

Couldn't get passed honest

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 21, 2021:

Thank dog for e-bikes...

Where the sun don't shine.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 21, 2021:

.............................

O MY...........

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 20, 2021:

Would it not be better to have your own myths and legends than to borrow L'Vis?" Flight Leftenant Qual of the Zenobian Space Force *If you get this you might just have the beginnings of a decent library...*

First pic from mars

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 19, 2021:

That was the second picture this was the first....

It's all about placement

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 19, 2021:

Sounds like the place to be...

What a prankster

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 19, 2021:

If only it was that easy to keep him from polluting the gene pool...

We can try

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 18, 2021:

At the moment Teddy (the traitor) Cruz is being nominated to go first by most of Texas from what I understand....

Excuse me, I believe you have mistaken me for someone that gives a damn.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 18, 2021:

.......................

Wait! What's your last name again?!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 17, 2021:

Harry Balzac....

Ah Texas!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 17, 2021:

Looks like he finally found that job...

Does he know this? Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 17, 2021:

..............................

Just a friendly warning!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 17, 2021:

Shove him out of the door of an airplane without a parachute and yell sorry....

Why are you thanking god for this delicious meal I slaved over?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 17, 2021:

Atheism : Someone wrote the bible... Theists : Goddidit...

Gotta love silly shit lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 17, 2021:

Because....

Big brain time 🤔

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 17, 2021:

Yet if you look the pussy is wearing a seat belt.... If he is going to wear one wear one made for a man like him...

Ay guey! Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 16, 2021:

So then tacos are on the hot seat?....

The nerve! Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 16, 2021:

..............................

Ever notice that the right wing/GOP (particularly the Texas variety) are always raving about ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 16, 2021:

Most of the people in Washington and even in this country have no idea what socialism is...

You'd think he'd know better

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 16, 2021:

He should learn how to measure better...

....but it will change my DNA!!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 16, 2021:

After all what possible harm could it do?....

This is why i live in South Florida

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 16, 2021:

Trump moved in so there goes your neighborhood....

Redneck tailgate

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 15, 2021:

Is the the model with the wood bump her?...

Used this yesterday, now we are inseparable

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 15, 2021:

https://youtu.be/Bi4RD9AInjU

Redneck tailgate

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 15, 2021:

From the guys who brought you the Toy-Yoda....

Heres another juvinille one but that's how I roll

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 14, 2021:

Could have met her faster...

It's Underrated

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 14, 2021:

Watch out for the peanut butter....

I really get you

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 13, 2021:

*Groans*

both need to be baked

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 13, 2021:

He looks baked enough for both of them...

"This year, use this!"

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 11, 2021:

And shoot them in the ass....

Ok, I was safe for a minute

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 11, 2021:

Just don't glue your dick to your stomach....

I seem to be stuck on this today.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 11, 2021:

For fucks sake use Elmer's glue instead....

Not in my hair, not in my chair

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 11, 2021:

She is just lucky she didn't use epoxy.... still she is going to look like one of Trump's golf resorts with a shit pot of divots on her head...

I'm not sure which way to go at the fork

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 11, 2021:

You were supposed to take a left at the spork in the road not the fork dammit!

If you're on a diet, you can even donate them.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 11, 2021:

Last time they were selling them at the store near me I bought 6 boxes to give away because I am diabetic...

Finding others that aren't offended by my dark sense of humor ❤

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 11, 2021:

As long as she doesn't send me a dick pic it's all good...

Head and shoulders

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 11, 2021:

Looks like Head and Shoulders works wonders on Gorilla glue....

There is an upcoming lockdown Worldwide 😂😂😂😂 set aside your bitterness ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 9, 2021:

Does tying her to the bed count?.... As long as you use pad locks that is... *Asking for a friend...*

I bought a composter a few months back and it’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 9, 2021:

Glad to hear you are doing and feeling better.

Ha ha ha. (Evil, far away snickering in the back.)

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 8, 2021:

In two to four weeks I am sure they will be feeding bodies to the Gators...

Southern exposure

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 8, 2021:

Getting ready for that big date...

Pissing contest?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 7, 2021:

Looks more like a fudgesicle to me...

Bite me..

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 7, 2021:

You know she might be a Redneck when...

People were not so easily offended years ago.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2021:

In those days anyone who wasn't a Baptist member of the Klan was a "commie" yet to this day nobody seems to know what communism or socialism actually is...

Wait. What!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2021:

Gave her a pet wussy....

Follow me for more party tips!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2021:

Aaaahhhhh I remember those days well.... er... wait....

How just how !?!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2021:

Zipperhead was used in Korea and Vietnam as a derogatory term by the military the first was because of how the enemy's head looked after being shot with a high power rifle and the second meant "Zero Intelligence Potential" so it was ok to just kill them instead of dragging them back to your firebase... In this case it seems Zero Intelligence Potential has been taken to a whole new level...

Last thing he hears as the anesthesia starts to take effect 😮

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2021:

Just don't sneeze David this is a cyst removal not a sex change operation....

Not hungry all of a sudden

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2021:

So they have incall and outcall then?....

Qookoo for cocoa puffs..

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2021:

Jewish space lasers....

I'll stick with Bacon, thanks. (CAUTION: THIS IS ONLY A JOKE!)

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2021:

.......................................

Spotted at the Kroger, it's tough getting experienced help.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2021:

With Kroger's prices this only seems appropriate....

Nothing personal...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2021:

People refusing to listen to you make an ass of yourself has nothing to do with George Orwell... George Orwell would have called you an ass as well and told you to find somewhere else to peddle your hate and stupidity...

Sometimes I feel like there is no hope.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2021:

That picture reminds me of the crazy Elvis fan girl in Zombieland 2 when she is driving over the Zombie hoard spinning donuts in a monster truck... Where is she when you need her?...

Get your shot Moron!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2021:

If you are really worried about being microchipped that is easy to solve all you have to do is use any good quality stun gun on the chip by placing it carefully over the injection site and zapping it until it burns out the chip rendering in useless... If you do this several times for 15 seconds each time that should solve the issue of being tracked by GPS. To check if you have disabled the chip look in your cellphone to see if the GPS is still on if it is it will show advertisements for restaurants in your area if so up the voltage no worry it is only electricity and can't hurt you 100,000 volts will disable any microchip just be sure you water the lawn first and take off your shoes by standing in it that should protect you....

Ok, so this is my final contribution for the day!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2021:

It seems Homeland Security was caught by surprise as well even with their highly lauded "fusion centers"... After checking it was a small wonder because instead of local law enforcement reporting signs of domestic terrorist activity they were reporting African American teens wearing BLM shirts taking shortcuts through White neighborhoods... That or "major crimes" like Jaywalking...

He was everyone's friend! Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2021:

He means Dead Space right?... Far as I know there hasn't been anyone over the age of 15 there for at least 20 years... Except for the pedophiles and priests of course...