This is my first post here...it can be a sore subject, as I've been separated and divorced since ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 2, 2019:

Glad to hear validation of how much looks matter in who will bother to get to know you and who won't. It is an equal gender thing and I get sick of how many women try to claim otherwise and bash men who point out the truth of how much looks matter over personality in the initial screening process. Too bad there is no such thing as a dating site where people in the more average leagues and classes of looks didn't have to compete against the 8s and 9s. Because then, in such a format, the profile essay and other traits would be given more serious consideration by the opposite gender.

Is 62 okay?

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 2, 2019:

So now that I have outlined my tastes in music, you can all see why I hate country music so much even tho I have been around it my whole life in Iowa, where it dominates the radio and general music scene. Country is the antithesis of alternative and hipster music, both of which I love.

I'm not usually not one to get sucked in by the sentimental. I'm usually the one here who finds the ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 2, 2019:

I've always been big fan of Patti too and I share your sentiment Deiter.

Fatty Catty Fun

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 1, 2019:

Cats can't deny their feelings of importance....The human just hasn't learned their place yet..

Zeymour being Zeymour

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 1, 2019:

Beautiful fur.

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 1, 2019:

This kitten looks just like the one on a birthday card I got that said "Please have a Happy Birthday. Don't make me go all sad kitty eyes..".

I like making up Smiths/Morrissey song titles. Inspiration from this morning's visit to the fitness ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 1, 2019:

I think those titles are wonderful. You obviously share Morrissey's wit and wicked sense of humor.

Is 62 okay?

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 1, 2019:

I was born in '58, but in some ways I relate to the 80s Boomers as much as the ones who are my age peers. The reason for that is in the 80s I was still a very young man who continued to listen to new music and check out the new fashions and trends with interest. And, not only are The Smiths one of my favorite bands, but also the English Beat and R.E.M.. Meanwhile, during the 80s, most of my age peers were still listening to their Pink Floyd or other Old Wave bands and hanging on to hippie styles. In the 90s I began to sing karaoke and now one of my most sung tunes are Smiths songs, which I really enjoy singing not only for my love of all the sick fun of The Smiths, but also the pleasure I get from watching the many country music fans at karaoke here in Iowa scratch their heads and stare when I sing Morrissey or The Smiths. The hicks and rednecks just can't wrap their heads around New Wave.... I even watched a bar fight break out at a karaoke show once while I was singing There Is A Light.... I think the song just aggravated a couple guys too much...... When I'm feeling esp. brave or cruel, I will sing I Know It's Over. And, as far as R.E.M. and The Smiths go, both bands are just a natural extension of the David Bowie and Lou Reed music that I grew up listening to...

"We haven't been fed in our entire life!!" I just gave them a snack 30 minutes ago. Now the ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 1, 2019:

My neighbor's cat weighs 18 pounds and no wonder.. She feeds her three times a day plus a bedtime snack. She's very fat even without the 3 layers of fur.

It's another freezing cold in Indiana. -30s with the wind chill. Everything is closed. Working from ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 1, 2019:

Got down to -20 yesterday, not counting wind chill. I've been holed up since Mon. eve. and came out for the first time this evening. Just too cold for Tue., Wed., and most of today. Mail service was suspended yesterday. I'm grateful that I have a condo with an underground indoor garage for my car. Best investment I've made in years.

Update on the second date update. Soooooo, 45 minutes after our agreed upon time to meet, he called ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 31, 2019:

This guy is a bum. Time to flush... At least in your case of being stood up, the other party didn't end up claiming they "simply forgot about the date". In my case, we had made the plan five days before and there were no weather issues to have a need for confirmation contact on the day of. In my case the woman was probably juggling a few different guys for getting together, but with me I treat all adults as adults until proven otherwise. So, if I make plans with someone for less than a week before the meeting, I'm not their parent and am not going to contact them the day of to confirm under normal circumstances. I will not enable and if they don't show up, they are either a flake or were never that interested to begin with.......

Fifty Ways...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 31, 2019:

It's all about getting fed.

So gracefully inept. Gotta love him! [facebook.com]

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 30, 2019:

Ok, so the cat will never be an athlete, but is still very cute, esp. the tail.

Thanks to @actofdog, maybe that explains it...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 30, 2019:

That is one very fat cat.

I thought it might be a good idea for us to look at some of the dating terms out there. Here's an ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 30, 2019:

I've experienced most of these without knowing the terms. In the end, they all boil down to people who are selfish, immature, dishonest and love playing their games. Anyone with integrity, kindness, strength, and emotional health would not do this stuff to others.

I've come real close to this.. REAL CLOSE:

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 29, 2019:

The cat's companion looks a lot like Mrs. Bates from Psycho...

The nuclear reactor operator > texted, and talked for days, agree to meet. I'm there, 15 minutes ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 28, 2019:

What a disaster this guy was.. I assume you met him from some other site than this one. I'm amazed you indulged him that long. All I can say is that there are much better guys out there and he was probably lying about his job.

If cats played the piano: [facebook.com]

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 28, 2019:

Poor kitty, don't hurt those precious teeth.

A story/Part 3 - The Bad Part So...after my 1st night with the new lady we got together here and ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 28, 2019:

Your story with her would fit in with most made for TV films on Lifetime Network. Maybe you should write it up and send it in.

There's only us There's only this Forget regret Or life is yours to miss No other road No other...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 27, 2019:

Just finished watching the live broadcast of Rent. It was better than expected and, yes, the message is timeless.

Mean Kitty Song appropriate here... [youtu.be]

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 27, 2019:

Big and bad, large and in charge!

Liquid...or just a noodle?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 27, 2019:

Feline gymnast....

So, the live broadcast of Rent will be coming to primetime TV tomorrow (FOX TV, Sunday January 27, ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 27, 2019:

I'm also a big fan of JC Superstar and I thought the TV concert last Easter was a very mixed bag. Alice Cooper was actually kind of weak on his song, John Legend couldn't act at all, Sara Barilles(sp?) was ok, and the rest of the cast was excellent. I had seen better versions of it on PBS where they had all stage actors and weren't trying to pull in ratings by casting celebrity singers. I didn't see Grease or Rocky Horror on for the TV broadcasts because I didn't think they would be well done compared to the stage versions I had already seen long ago, so I wasn't interested in them. Thank you for starting this group Amy. Maybe I should start a karaoke group, since it is my main hobby and social outlet these days?

I was on the train into NYC this afternoon, and a little girl sitting with her parents was on her ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 27, 2019:

Ironically, that would be Godspell, which I saw in Chicago on a junior high class trip back in 1973 when I was still Catholic. Interestingly, the local professional company included Merrell Jackson, a Chicago native who was in the movie cast of the show as well as Joe Montegna, who went on to quite a movie and theater career before his longtime role in Criminal Minds. In Godspell, Joe played Judas that night, but it appeared that the cast often traded roles in the production run of the show.

So, the live broadcast of Rent will be coming to primetime TV tomorrow (FOX TV, Sunday January 27, ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 27, 2019:

I have a karaoke friend who is actually dreading this live production of Rent, a show she loves along with Hamilton, because of how much she's afraid Fox will try to sanitize it for TV, maybe even go for a PG-13 level of content. She is already firmly convinced the whole song Contact will be left out as well as maybe some verses of other songs to avoid some of the profanity. I'm not as big a fan of Rent as her, but I am just as personally concerned about what NBC is going to do to my beloved Hair in their May broadcast. I'm guessing they will leave out the whole song Sodomy, which is no big deal to me. But I'm more concerned about how they will handle the whole anti-war theme of the show, since NBC's parent company is GE, a huge defense contractor. It's no coincidence that in all the years SNL has been irreverent about politics, it's never had much, if any, material that was anti-war. Maybe they'll just gloss over that whole theme and leave out 3500 and Walking In Space, for starters. BTW, I thought the film version of Hair was excellent, esp. the dancing and the choreography by Twyla Tharp. The director was Milos Forman and he was smart enough to use Treat Williams and John Savage, both stage veterans, to play the two male leads.

This is so bad, but so funny. ????

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 27, 2019:

Kitty doesn't know any better....unless it was watching Anchorman..

Ollie’s feet on a Saturday night.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 27, 2019:

Some cats are just masterful at knowing how to kick back and relax...

Should a company who hires workers to work in the heat and cold be responsible for these workers ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 27, 2019:

I worked for a few years at a place that literally was a sweatshop and the ownership and management couldn't have cared less about the health and safety of the hourly workers there in the laboring jobs. There was no AC except for the offices and barely any heat on the work floor. This place really needed a union, but there's no way they would have kept the plan open if one was organized. The business was cheap auto accessories, like chroming up cars and trucks. I know for a fact that they frequently and knowingly hired undocumented workers. But the most outrageous thing was that they guy who owned it was worth 78 million $. The place never got raided by ICE for the undoc workers even tho it was common knowledge because the owner was too rich and politically connected. It was probably about the worst job I ever had as far as how much contempt and hatred I had for the owner and the top management of the place. I can also only imagine how toxic the air in that place was also. And of course, there was only paid sick leave for management.

Here is another rubber boot. When I asked him where he got his degree 30 years ago, he mentions a ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 26, 2019:

Sure lays it on thick!

I have to say, i do hope this site keeps expanding .. the people i have chatted with here seem to be...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 25, 2019:

It's not gaining any members in my area.

My best experience with online dating was a few months in, with a local guy named Garry. We had been...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 24, 2019:

Sorry the timing wasn't right. You didn't mention if it ever got sexual, so he might not have been compatible that way, but otherwise, sounds like you found a very good man.

I came across my wedding cake topper cleaning out a drawer and now I am sitting in the dark ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 24, 2019:

You said " my ex", so are you widowed or did you divorce before he died?

Buyer beware. I see a lot of posts by women that seem to fall into the same pattern."I met this ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 24, 2019:

In my experience, there are female golddiggers or scammers on paid dating sites, but not female players. Or if there are, they have never bothered trying to play me. I'm a 6 on a good day and none of the women who have ever messaged me back with any interest looked better than an 8, and that's been very rare. I think the good-looking guy players are more common. But they do affect me because they steer away women who are at my level of looks from being interested in guys like me who are actually seeking a relationship.

So, lunch date today and it’s an intriguing one. I don’t feel a particularly strong attraction ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 23, 2019:

I would never meet someone at a Cracker Barrel, even tho I like their food. Reason, I hate country music and that's what they play there. Wouldn't want that distracting and bothering me when meeting someone.

Lunch date with “Robert” Accuracy of profile photo: It’s probably 10-15 years old, but I ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 23, 2019:

Glad you gave him a chance and didn't end up deciding to reject him immediately due to the initial lack of attraction. I've been told most people, men and women, make up their minds in the first two minutes if they will ever have sex with the other person. And if that's true, many first meetings are just going thru the motions and pretending to be interested after that.

Sometimes in order to maintain one's integrity, one just has to up and do... NOTHING, ha, ha!

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 23, 2019:

This cat reminds me of a couch potato guy with a beer gut.. And yes, the cat is calling for the remote!

Anti Social - A Modern Dating Horror Story | Comic Relief Originals - YouTube

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 23, 2019:

Guess I would seem about the same way as I am on FB but have very limited info about me. Fortunately my generation isn't as wrapped up in social media as those kids. I think that for the most part social media is such superficial BS and this site is about the only website I spend much time on. Because it is the FB, if you will, of intellectuals and thinking people rather than FB, which is the social media of the same shallow assholes that I despised in high school and were the in crowd back then.

Polls show anyone and everyone else beating Trump [realclearpolitics.com] General Election: Trump ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 23, 2019:

Biden would not do any better in a general than Hillary did, but that's probably who all the superdelegates and Dem leaders want, very establishment and pro-corporate. Bernie or Warren tho, would actually win, but I doubt the party establishment would ever allow them the chance. I've seen this movie before, the Dems don't really want to win that bad....They'll try anything other than running a real progressive. Their strategy consists of either trying to win a narrow victory with a white male establishment candidate or else hope for a wider victory by nominating an identity politics candidate that is a woman or minority, but still establishment, and hope the candidate's identity inspires enough tribal loyalty to win on that. When they have used up female and black candidates, they will probably move on to a gay Hispanic male candidate long before voters ever wake up to how they are being played with identity packaging of the same corrupt type of person.

"please do not mention dating sites by name" That seems weird to me.. may i ask why?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 22, 2019:

I already asked that. The reason is that the host of the group is afraid of any of the paid sites suing if someone posts something critical of a particular site, bad publicity.

Here’s my scary online dating horror stories...yes, I have three. First guy, chatted/texted for ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 22, 2019:

Jeez- I can see why most women are so scared for their safety. All these guys were messed up. Explains why women are so turned off whenever a man makes sexual or even suggestive remarks until they have met in person at least several times. I would have to meet at least that many times before I would feel comfortable becoming sexual with someone.

I know this has been discussed before in the general forum, but I would like to maybe confirm a ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 22, 2019:

I'll lay out my process and see what others think. Since I am a man, like most men on paid dating sites, I know that very few women, at least in Iowa, will send the first message even if they might be interested in me. So I make the first move. I look at the woman's main profile pic. If it looks at all acceptable, I read her profile and look at the rest of her pics. If the info in the profile looks compatible and her pics make me think she might be physically attractive to me, I message her and ask her to see my profile. If she does and we trade a few messages, I suggest we meet. If we meet and we seem to hit it off, I ask to meet again. After meeting once or twice, at most, I can tell if I am ever going to be physically attracted to someone, and even if we seem compatible on everything else, I am not going to waste my time or hers by trying to see her again after that even if she is interested. I already have several friends and I don't think people join paid dating sites to make platonic friends. I know that I don't.

The 1st guy that I actually met irl seemed like a good match. We texted for a while and met in ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 22, 2019:

Wow, never had anything like that. Glad you found out before you had sex with him. I've only met 5 women in 15 months. Out of those five, I was only physically attracted to one of them and, of course, she wasn't to me..

I've never really done online dating sites, but I have dated women I've met online for other ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 22, 2019:

Well, as they say, the truth is stranger than fiction. Thanks for sharing. I have to give her props for putting her cards on the table as soon as she met you.

I was supposed to have a lunch date today with a new guy I met online but we postponed it until ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 22, 2019:

You're a brave soul to consider relocating at our age. Are you doing so to escape where you live or for someone you want to date?

Rape Culture No Myth..., it's a daily horror for thousands of women. None of us are safe until this ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 21, 2019:

Reminds me of the swimmer from Stanford. This guy got away with it because he was rich and connected. The rich and connected have always gotten away with things, whether they are a Kennedy or a Repub.. It's not about their politics, it's about their class status.

I stopped at a local restaurant after shopping today. Since I was alone I figured I'd sit at the bar...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 21, 2019:

I just don't get it, I must be a dinosaur. I don't own a smartphone and don't want one. When I go somewhere and have to wait, like a medical office, I bring something to read or I find a magazine there to read. Which is the only time I read magazines these days. If there's nothing to read I will try chatting with a stranger. When I go to karaoke every Tue. eve., I sit with a group of women who are young enough to be my daughters, but we all like the same type of music and enjoy singing for each other. The one thing about them I don't like tho, is that they will often get out their phones and play with them instead of staying present the whole time to talk with the rest of the group. But I know it's a generational thing with them, having to get back to the phones regularly to stay connected with their online friends and the almighty fear of missing out if they ignore their phones too long. My generation differs in that when we meet up with friends the phones stay away and we commit to face to face conversation, even if there are periods of silence. Because the point is to be present and devote our time and attention for that meeting to the other person. What an antiquated concept this seems to those younger and even some of my fellow Boomers who have bought into the whole fear of missing out BS. Lucky for me only one of my friends-all fellow Boomers-gets out his phone when we meet up to spend time together. He knows I don't like it, but he does it anyway some of the time and tries to limit it, but I don't think he can help himself if there's a lull in the conversation.

This place has 2 goals. One is for agnostics/atheists the second part is for dating. I looked at ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 20, 2019:

There's nobody for me either from this site in my area. I'm as fed up with it as you. Paid sites are the only other real option, at least for me, of meeting anyone.

Atheist/Agnostic Conservative Mind....

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 20, 2019:

When I was a kid, I was fairly competitive. I played sports, some well, one very well, one lousy. I also was in other school activities like choir and theater. Those experiences were good for me because it taught me that competition was good, but it was not the only thing or be-all end-all. More importantly, these experiences taught me the importance of putting in the work to usually get a result or payoff later on. Also taught me the joy of working with others to produce something, like performing a work or winning a game, etc. The sad thing is that libertarians never get past that first part of competition, to the teamwork or group experience of competition. They remain stuck at competition for the individual being the only thing that matters and continue on seeing life as alone on an island. Their extreme individualism would be not that big a deal if it was only their loss and affected only them. But the truth is it affects everyone because of the way they vote and even more, the way they act when they do get power either thru politics, wealth, or leadership of a company. Competition is fine as a part of childhood and youth when the stakes are low and it is more of a learning exercise. It does not work that well as an economic system or social policy for a country if the goal is to provide for the general welfare, which it should be, but not with their Social Darwinism.

I would never stoop that low.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 20, 2019:

I used to have a pin-on button with a picture of Ronald McDonald-the McDonald spokesclown for those too young to know- that also had the slogan Eat Shit. I bought it because that's what I thought of their product, still do today. I hear today that their coffee products are good and their breakfast food is digestable, but that's about it.

The changing meanings of words from one country to another. Any examples? I got to thinking about ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 20, 2019:

My father's side of the family has ancestors from Catholic Northern Ireland. If I had grown up there, with my socialist political leanings, I likely would not have ended up non-violent and would instead most likely would have joined the IRA, as did some of my distant relatives from there. Geography changes more than just meanings of words. With the hindsight of history and the luxury, perhaps, of having grown up Catholic in the US, I see the IRA's use of violent revolution as not worth the cost. But if I had grown up there and then, it probably wouldn't have deterred me.

I'm not a mess...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 20, 2019:

I can relate to this. Too much empathy sometimes, too little other times.

Sweet Surrender

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 20, 2019:

So cute...Can't we all just get along?

Only 3-4 people ?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 20, 2019:

I'm guessing you have to correct a lot of folks and say, "That's Mr. Asshole to you".

Been looking, no luck yet. ?????

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 20, 2019:

Yes, the Match ads are BS. I've been on there over a year and have yet to be on a real date. And of course all the people on the ad are at least 8s in their looks. The token old guy that I used to see on there was such an obnoxious doofus with his " I'm still just a kid at heart" routine..

Regarding the "snowpocalypse:" so far, here in middle rural Illinois, we are still just getting lots...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 19, 2019:

Here in Iowa we did get several inches of snow and it got really cold, tho not below normal for this date. Like usual, the storm was not as bad as predicted and lots of events for Fri. eve and today were called off. I really hate winter, but still, so far, we have had a very mild winter as far as snow and temps.

Would you stay with your husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend if you found out they couldn’t have ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 19, 2019:

I never wanted kids, so back when I was that young I would have been a Yes. Unfortunately, living in the Midwest, as a young man I couldn't find any compatible women my age who either couldn't have kids or didn't want kids. So I dated unsuccessfully until I met my late wife when I was 36 because all the women my age had kids or wanted them. At my present age, this is a non-issue as all the women in my dating age range are too old to have kids nor would they want to produce them. Reading the comments below, I guess I should have found a Unitarian church when I was much younger so I could have dated Agnostic and Atheist women who didn't want to have kids. Too little too late.....

There are many postings of failed relationships on this site however , they never state what were ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 19, 2019:

Maybe there's a reason for that, or two... How many people are going to be honest enough to blame themselves, at least partially, for the failure? Secondly, I've seen plenty of nastiness on these boards towards people who blame someone of the other gender for anything seen as wrongdoing, whether it's ghosting, dating people much younger, etc.. So why would most people want to be judged by the other members in " Relationship Court" here on the boards? I could see how most would not feel the potential help would be worth the scorn and criticism....

Spending a few days with a new man is a microcosm of the future relationship

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 19, 2019:

This also a reason I recommend never getting married until you have lived together at least a year, as living together is when you really find out what someone is like and how things will work, or not...

This isn't how an elder should be treated in representing his people in peaceful protest. (My ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 19, 2019:

I guess I am just too old and cynical, but I no longer have the desire to attend these kind of protests and participate in the ritual of confrontation and theater with the opposing side. It seems to change nothing and there is no meaningful interaction. Yes, these kids are empty-headed idiots, as most people are at that age, but I don't see what the point was of what the old guys were doing either. Who is it going to change or make an impression on? For whose benefit are they doing it? To feel self-righteous? The last public event I attended since the Dem primary season two years ago was a vigil at a synagogue for the shooting victims in Pittsburgh at Tree Of LIfe, because that event actually had a purpose and a point to it that I could actually feel it mattered and made a stand about morality that might have an effect on the thinking of others. I seldom feel that way anymore about protest events or political rallies for that matter.

Walmart gains patent to eavesdrop on shoppers and employees in stores - CNET

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 19, 2019:

As I said in another thread about empathy, going in a Walmart makes me feel like I am visiting someone in prison. This news only confirms that. The employees don't want to be there and neither do most of the customers, who are too poor to shop anywhere else. Both the employees and customers have this broken, defeated looks on their faces, hence the prison comparison. One thing tho, I went off on a rant in one after they got rid of most of the cashier lines and replaced them with self scan lines. I was even cussing a blue streak about how shitty the company was and nobody said shit to me or threatened to make me leave. Because they already know what the shoppers think of their stores and company and don't give a shit, unless the shopper is discussing a protest or a boycott.

I've found the PERFECT song to describe the relationship between Trump and his base: [youtu.be]

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 19, 2019:

And some people ask me why I hate country music... Let's see, lots of repetitive lyrics. Very simple-minded message. One thing I'll give it tho, it does use lots of words that some country fans might not know the meaning or pronunciation of. I'm a little amused by that. Yup, Trace is not much of a thinkin' guy....

"The Green Book" is the best movie I have4 seen in years. It is playing in theaters now (posted Jan ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 19, 2019:

I liked it too. I have also heard criticism of it that it is too much of a feel-good movie for white people, but that hasn't soured me on it. I have heard some similar criticism about Black Klansman too, along with gripes about its accuracy, but I wasn't that impressed with that one in the first place. Spike Lee had already made at least two other movies that I liked better.

So do people actually connect on the site

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

Need to be more specific. Connect and end up dating in person? Or connect and make LD friendships?

I imagine this site is as much about recovery as anything else. With that in mind, I’ve posted ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

Apologize for nothing Deiter...you are one of my favorite people on these boards. And, yes, this site's discussion boards are like one big recovery group or meeting...

I have been thinking about this website. I just have been busy with a lot of things. I'm an agnostic...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

They are hypocrites, but they support Trump because he at least talks like he supports their cultural agenda and that's what really matters to them, not having a leader that acts like a pious Christian. It's the agenda that matters to them, not having a role model. They would follow and support Satan himself if he ran for prez and promised to enact their agenda.

A controversial startup that charges $8,000 to fill your veins with young blood now claims to be up ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

Reminds me of that old TV series The Immortal, where a rich old codger was always pursuing a young man with magical blood that made him immortal so the old man wanted to capture him and make him a permanent supply of rejuvenating blood for the old man.

A controversial startup that charges $8,000 to fill your veins with young blood now claims to be up ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

Oh vanity and the fear of aging!

What kind of hair style do women favor? In many cases men may be bald. Do you find baldness ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

I refuse to follow the stereotypical path of most bald men like myself and grow a mustache and beard to attempt to distract or compensate for being bald. They aren't fooling anyone about their baldness. Women who I would like to date are either ok with bald men or they aren't. My guess is about 40% of women my age don't want a bald man, all other things being compatible, but I'll cope with that as it is without altering my look to lure them.

Dodgy parents. So what do you do?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

I think if we took a poll on this site, we would find that most, if not the vast majority of us on this site, are not that close with our families of origin. My guess is there are two reasons for that. One, we came from families where our parents and siblings were believers and we became estranged from them once we came out as non-believers. Second, the members of this site, by nature of being non-believers, are generally non-conformists who march to their own drummers while the rest of society, including our siblings and parents, usually end up conforming and following the herd. For both reasons, I bet most of us are seen as the black sheep in our families of origin, so you have a lot of company in being estranged from your parents. I never got along that well with my parents for most of my adult life and still am estranged from my siblings, not that it bothers me. But I have found that with age and illness on the part of my parents, that the balance of power shifts in favor of the adult children like me and, because my parent now needs me in his life way more than when he was younger, boundaries and conditions, as Deb57 says below, that in the past would not be respected, are now accepted by my parent in order to have me in his life and enjoy my help and support. May not sound like a pretty picture, but that's how it has played out at least in my family. My mother has been dead for several years and my father is in his final months, so he and I have had a fairly good relationship for the last decade or so because he finally realized he needed me enough to start respecting me and I decided that I wanted to be in his life for my benefit as well as his now that I was being treated with respect and appreciation. I have learned enough from others to know that if someone is willing to respect you and your boundaries it is better to have contact with them in the final years of their life than have them die with a long estrangement from you because it makes the grieving easier and less complicated. So in that respect, this arrangement serves both my father and me for the better.

Spending a few days with a new man is a microcosm of the future relationship

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

He is the way he is because he has big bucks and a high status job, same with doctors. Unfortunately there are too many women who will put up with a lot of crap from men in both professions because of these facts, even more so if the man has good looks. He has no incentive to change his personality because there are always women who will accept how he is. A glowing example of how little personality counts with some in the dating game as long as the man is high value, as they say. Glad you have higher standards and are not seeking a sugar daddy.

Elderly lesbian couple lose discrimination case against retirement home

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

This doesn't surprise me as Missouri is even more conservative than Iowa, but many or most nursing homes have ties to church organizations as do many retirement communities. This issue will just become more and more contentious. Retirement communities and nursing homes too, I predict, will undergo radical changes, whether they want to or not, in the decade of the 2020s as the Baby Boomers become old enough to start populating these facilities and the facilities start having to cater to them. I have already heard that retirement communities are beginning to alter their entertainment for their residents to include more than just jazz and big band music for the older folks and start bringing in performers that play rock and roll for the Boomers who are now the youngest residents there. We will also see nursing homes in that decade that will allow for spouses to visit and have sex with their spouses in the facility, I predict.

Atheists can't feel awe and wonder. _Oprah Winfrey

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

I have never been that impressed with Oprah.

What's your opinion on unitarian churches?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

They really vary widely as each congregation has its own culture. Unfortunately, the local one in my area is very classist and cliqueish and will probably always be that way, which is why I've stayed away for the last couple years. More than a decade ago, they had an interim minister for two years that confronted the congregation the best she could about those faults, but what ended up happening is that the culture either changed temporarily or at least went underground until she left after her two years, as required, and then the congregation's culture went back to the old ways when the new permanent minister came in. Many of the assholes from back then are still around and that galls me too. I agree with the other commenters that your beliefs or lack of will be accepted at any UU church. That's not an issue with me and the local church. My issue is the majority attitude they have that you don't belong there unless you make at least 75K a year (which puts you in the top 10% for this area) or have a high status job, preferably both. Otherwise, they treat you as inferior and not worth getting to know or socializing with at the church. In other words, a country club for intellectuals with its own blatant admission standards and only upper-middle class or higher need show up.

WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID? -- I've been in contact with a member who's local to me so we agreed to...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 17, 2019:

At least she canceled and didn't stand you up. I think doing the latter is inexcuseable, not matter how scared you are. A couple months ago a woman from my local area on this site messaged me after having ghosted me several months before when she apparently left the site for about six months. When she came back, she messaged me, as I said, by replying to a PM I had sent her before she left. In the new PM, she said she hadn't meant to seem rejecting and gave me her e-mail address. I tried contacting her on that and she never replied. The games people play..

That is a big kitty ??

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 17, 2019:

More like a mountain lion. Could probably eat most dogs for breakfast....

2 YEAR AGO. STANDING ROCK SIOUX, "WATER PROTECTORS", & WITNESSES, ARE SHOT WITH RUBBER BULLETS, & ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 17, 2019:

Yup, America the great, with free speech and right to protest, as long as and until it butts up against corporate power.....

Hot tub....

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 17, 2019:

There, there Tuxie.....

Ha ha. HA! Representative Steve King of western Iowa, the whitest state in our union has been ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 17, 2019:

It gets better. I live in Iowa, but fortunately never in the western half of the state where all of his fans are. He will be facing two primary challengers next time and will likely be gone in two years. He's actually not the idiot that his critics from other states think he is, just a repulsive opportunist. And yes, Iowa is very white and Christian, but it still beats all hell out of living in the South....

I can't argue with that...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 17, 2019:

It takes a total package of all the above. I already have plenty of friends that are smart...

What I love about the Agnostic community. You can be in an epic debate with someone one day but ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 16, 2019:

I won't and don't block someone just because they keep disagreeing with me. I will always block if they personally attack me on the boards.

Maine coon cat - what a gorgeous tail!

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 16, 2019:

They have such huge, fluffy tails.

Speed Dating. What do you think?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 16, 2019:

Wish they had it in my area. Would probably work way better for me than Match. I say this somewhat sarcastically because I already know how bad Match is and this couldn't be any worse. In either format, looks are going to still be the most important factor by far in who rejects you and who doesn't. My three?s would be: Are you very religious? Do you like country music? and what is your political viewpoint? Those three would tell me all I need to know about their personality compatibility. If I traded contact info with them, I could quickly tell in one phone call if we shared enough common interests.

It’s very difficult to meet anyone anymore...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 16, 2019:

Tell me about it.....

Empathy.... Can you have too much?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 15, 2019:

I wanted to post this and get some feedback on whether others feel this way about visiting a Walmart. When I do visit a Walmart, because I am still not well off enough to always buy mundane stuff at a Target store instead, I always feel kind of depressed whenever I visit a Walmart. Because I look at the faces of both the shoppers and the employees and I see so much sadness and depression. Neither group looks like they really want to be there and I know way too much about how shitty Walmart treats its employees. So when I go there I feel like someone visiting someone in a prison, at least the way I've heard it makes people feel who've done that. The employees and the shoppers, for the most part, look defeated and that they know they are poorer than most and living on the bottom rungs of the society. This stuff is one reason I have always felt very angry at people who post stuff on FB and other online places showing pics of Walmart shoppers making fun of the poor people. Thoughts?

Apologies if the below is too authentic. (Tho, for better or worse, not graphic.) Man Wants ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 14, 2019:

I do think a lot of men take their wives for granted after a while and quit making as much of an effort to be nurturing or sexually appealing to them. But I also think that last part can go both ways. The comment below by Cast1es is very telling because it is exactly what one of my late wife's therapy clients said about the client's hubby, that he had killed every bit of love she ever had for him. Spooky to see that quoted here by someone else. I think what usually kills a relationship by a woman is becoming increasingly critical of the man, whether it is deserved or not. The withholding of sex by one or both partners is probably not far behind that. From what I've heard from other men and read in general, once the man feels belittled, demeaned, or overly criticized, that kills his sexual interest and love for the woman quicker than anything else. Whether it's the cause or the symptom, that line is usually the beginning of the end....

How does it make you feel when a date makes extravagant promises? This could be anything from ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 14, 2019:

Haven't had the experience, but I would be wary of them. If they are manipulative rather than insecure, it has probably worked before with someone else, so they keep trying it....

Apologies if the below is too authentic. (Tho, for better or worse, not graphic.) Man Wants ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 14, 2019:

Probably far more common than either gender admits. Didn't seem "too" authentic to me based on what I have heard and read. The truth is seldom pretty... Deiter, I applaud your courage to post this and be brutally honest, not just about yourself and your relationship, but also about your male friends and their experiences. We both know full well how much this may offend some of the women here, but I would hate to think this forum is a place where no one can share their truth, opinions, and actual personal experiences simply because it might seem too politically incorrect or sexist. There is already enough dishonesty, distrust, and lack of understanding between the genders both on this site and the world offline. Because of this sort of regular conflict on these boards, I have blocked some women, but I refuse to be bullied by anyone on here......

This is what I want.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 14, 2019:

Yup.

Cruel Christians Leave Fake $20 Tips Promoting Jesus | Michael Stone

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 14, 2019:

If I worked as a waitress or waiter, I would find that so insulting.

Already had one rude comment! I posted some pictures of when I was performing as a burlesque ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 14, 2019:

My late wife and I went to a burlesque show in Buffalo NY, where she was from. It was very entertaining and artistic. Your critic has probably never even been to one. Your costume is beautiful.

Serial vs parallel dating.. have i posted this topic already? Lol Serial dating.. where you talk ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 14, 2019:

From what I've read here over time on these boards, it appears that for most people on dating sites, esp. average-looking people, that parallel dating rarely comes into play as a choice because of how rare those folks make it far enough in the process to actually meet anyone in person. Thus, the choice of serial vs. parallel dating is more a choice reserved for those above average looking or better in their appearance.

When you move from dating into a serious relationship with one of those people, what do you tell the...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 14, 2019:

Reading the other comments, it appears that serial dating is pretty much the only way dating happens for average-looking people and the choice of serial or parallel is mostly reserved to those above-average or better looking, at least as far as online dating. There is currently another post with a poll on the subject of serial vs. parallel dating.

Honey, have you seen the cat anywhere?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Some cats really know how to hide well. I used to know a cat that knew how to hide behind trees from people seeing him.

When you move from dating into a serious relationship with one of those people, what do you tell the...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Don't know if you met these men on a dating site or not, but nowadays it just goes without saying that most women on dating sites are seeing more than one guy at a times and these men may already be assuming that about you. It may not be the case with all women on dating sites, but I'm sure it is for most women at your level of looks.

Cat thugs:

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

No different than people swooping in like vultures to scoop up the cash from a crashed armored car.

Race, Age, Stereotyping & Other Reasons to Live: I was invited to a two week test for a job at...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Glad you shared this. I wish I had more experiences like this. Renews your faith in humanity some that once in a while individuals can see across the differences in identity and tribe to appreciate you as a cool human being. This essay by itself convinces me you are a very talented writer. A guy that was a community organizer once told me something a long time ago that still sticks with me regarding stereotypes. He said that until we know someone else's story, all we have to know them by is stereotypes.

Mine was, Overgaard Arizona.?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Hampton, Iowa. Pop. 2500. It was hell....

There’s nothing more important

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Priceless and fortunate...

A discussion on a thread tonite has got me curious about the music tastes of the community here. I ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Update: I knew all along that country would either be at or very close to the bottom on this poll. Most intellectuals, which is what almost all non-believers are, don't like country and for good reasons.

Ladies: Are you now or have you ever been “simply irresistible?”

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Probably none, possibly one. Was never irresistible to anyone. More like I disappointed one woman who hoped we would end up marrying and it ended after several months.