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I've been widowed for two and a half years following a 20-yr. marriage. My late wife had dementia for several years. Seek someone kind for dating, companionship, and hopefully leading to a long-term relationship. Am now retired. My politics are very left-wing, Bernie Sanders-type socialist. Partner would have be at least liberal. Dating range is women age 49-68. See my profile questions and answers to find my interests, but I'll list some of them at the end. But first, I'll save some time by listing what seem to be the usual deal-breakers with most women

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KEEP YOUR WORD Don't make promises you can't keep. Be relatively certain that you can fulfill any ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 14, 2019:
That's how I live. Too bad we are in a tiny, scoffed at minority...
Lucky is so hidden right meow.
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 14, 2019:
On the opposite side of the coin, I once had a neighbor cat that was smart enough to go hide behind a tree when people bothered him outside.
What's one thing that a potential date might have in his/her profile that would get your immediate ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 13, 2019:
"Hates country music/loves alternative music". Also Agnostic or Atheist. If someone listed these things and also had nothing in their profile essay about family, then most likely all the other usual dealbreaker issues would be no problem, so the only other issue would be looks, which is usually decidable based on the pics.
I would think there are free thinkers athiests an agnostic women in ontario canada. I would think...
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 11, 2019:
I'm sure there are non-believer women in my area, but they don't know about this site as no women have joined from my area in the last two years.
For me... assassination of JFK.
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 11, 2019:
Same here, JFK. It really did seem like the world stopped for a time with that.
His name is Roger. He'll be 67 this month. He's overweight. He has diabetes. He has Bell's Palsy...
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 10, 2019:
Well, you beat the odds. Is he from a paid site or this one?
Read a good book yesterday and wanted to pass it along. Excellent Sheep: The Miseducation of the ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 9, 2019:
My brother went to an Ivy league school, Dartmouth, for one year, then dropped out because it was too expensive, which was back in the 70s. Can only imagine what it costs now. He took away from it a very disillusioned view of how the offspring of the elite think and act as well as the lesson that for most of those members of elite families the main benefit of an Ivy league education as well as the top priority among their kind is the making of connections with others of their kind with which to get jobs in govt. or the private sector. It's just an expensive 4 year boarding school to party and network in.
Sophie and Skeeter at their new digs! They seem to like it!
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 7, 2019:
Love the big fluffy tail of the black cat.
Health Experts Recommend Standing Up At Desk, Leaving Office, Never Coming Back
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 7, 2019:
Spent very little time during my working life in office jobs, but I still believe the movie Office Space applies to every job I ever had. I still watch it occaisionally as film therapy to enjoy the fantasy of rebelling and beating the system. Damn, it feels good to be a gansta....
Question. Do you avoid dating people with the same name as your ex or exes? Or even siblings or ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 6, 2019:
My late wife happened to have the same first name as my mother. It never bothered me, but it did get a bit confusing sometimes in conversations with family members and them confusing who I was referring to, my wife or my mother. On a related note, I know a guy that got married twice to two different Debbies and seemed to deal with it ok, he called them Debbie I and Debbie II after being divorced from both of them. Even managed to get along amicably with both of them after all these years. It takes all kinds. He is a much more easygoing man than me.......
Why the Key to a Good Relationship Is Hating the Same Things - When the Hate Is Mutual, Love Blooms....
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 6, 2019:
Sounds like if I can just find a woman that hates country music and materialism as much as me, the rest of the dealbreaker issues should fall into place nicely without any big differences. Now, if I could just find that website that would attract those women, wait, maybe it's this one. Too bad there's nobody in my area......
Clarification: I guess in my efforts to keep this group drama-free, I've caused a shit storm with ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 4, 2019:
Mary I think you are explaining the situation very well. I saw the original post by someone that was a snide remark about the new member of the group. Your response was appropriate for that. The person who made the snide remark is someone I have had no problem with who also seems to usually be appropriate in her comments, but was out of line here to belittle someone she didn't like that was joining the group. If someone doesn't like a particular member, and we all have at least one or more that we feel that way about, the appropo thing to do is keep it to yourself, roll your eyes at their comments, or, if you must, block them and miss out on some of the content with this group. Or you can take the most extreme route and leave the group. Regardless, all of the above options are appropriate while firing an opening shot at the new member you don't like is not ok and is a way of trying to act like you are the admissions committee and poison the group against the new member, which is clearly against the community guidelines of this site.
Can you develop a friendship with an on line dating partner with whom you feel no chemistry? This ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 3, 2019:
The short answer is a no, it will usually not work with someone from a dating site, at least with most men from our generation. I am an exception and have had platonic friendships with several women in my life, but from talking to other men our age, that doesn't seem very common. I think it boils down to most men who meet a woman from a dating site have already developed interest in her at least partly because she looks attractive to them from the profile pics, so they are slow to give up hope on a sexual relationship with her. I have no problem being friends with a woman I have met thru a dating site because, at least in my mind, once I or she have made it known that at least one of us is not interested in anything romantic or physical, then it's settled for good. In the pre internet days of voice personals, nobody knew what you looked like before you met. I met a woman that was a 9, the only one of those I have ever or will meet thru a dating site. She told me as soon as we met that she wasn't interested in me physically, obviously because I wasn't in her league lookswise and I was not hurt or offended at all because her feelings were totally understandable and she was honest with me. We were friends for two years and it was good for both of us because we were both somewhat lonely and really enjoyed each other's company and conversation. I had also been friends more recently for several months with a woman from Batch that I was not attracted to physically. But I think the way most men are wired they can not let go of the hope for a sexual relationship with a woman, no matter how clear she is about it, at least as long as they are not meeting anyone else. The other thing is that in most cases, if you meet someone on a dating site, the friendship you make with them will likely end as soon as one of you does meet someone that is a mutual match that continues, because usually one or both of the new couple are not comfortable with it continuing.
I take care of my mom who has some dementia. She is a FOX news fan but I’ve switched her to MSNBC ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 2, 2019:
I don't think you are trying to be mean to her, but my late wife had dementia and you do want them to be as comfortable as possible and surrounding them with as much of the familiar as possible is part of that. They get confused enough as it is and when they get to the late stage I will also advise you to restrain yourself from correcting her when she gets disoriented and imagines things are different than they are, like names of people or whether someone she knew is dead or not. Correcting them will only upset them more and whatever you say in correcting will quickly be forgotten. Good luck and make sure you get help with the caregiving. There comes a point in dementia care that the truth no longer matters and the best way to deal with it is to go with whatever the patient believes as to who is who and what is happening around them, etc. You know what is the truth, but it no longer matters if they do or not. It doesn't mean you're lying to them. What matters is letting them know that they and their concerns are being taken care of.
I'm sitting in a restaurant waiting for my food. I was feeling down and lonely today, but then ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 2, 2019:
I hear you. I can be ok with eating alone if I have to, but I get really tired of eating alone almost all the time. Does that make sense? I don't feel weird eating alone at a rest., but I really enjoy it when I do get together with a friend to eat out. It breaks up the monotony and loneliness. It's been longer than I can remember since I felt weird eating alone at a rest., because I've been doing it without my late wife for over 5 years now.
They're getting meowied.
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 2, 2019:
When I was a young kid we had a kitten sneak into the dryer and die in there when it ran. My mother found it and it was really upsetting to all of us. It was my introduction to death involving any creature or person I cared about.....
A few weeks ago I asked what are your favorite musicals... Let's flip that around: what are your ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 2, 2019:
I never liked BBB, either version, nor either of the Grease movies. I have always like Grease as a stage play. I have always like Sunday In The Park... Guess I'm just different. I even bought the DVD of it.
Who remembers? All these years later, they're still my favorites.
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 2, 2019:
They were incredible. I quit watching the show quite a while ago as the writing just kept getting worse and worse. It seems like the only times I watch it in recent years is when I hear about a good political parody sketch on there and then I find it and watch it on the net, otherwise I have no interest in the show. Black Jepordy seems funny tho.
Domino is way into technology
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 2, 2019:
That cat is so long...
Stay Single Until You Find A Man Who Will Do These 8 Things
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 2, 2019:
Those all go without saying. I will settle for nothing less than that. Character and depth of feeling towards me are just as important as sex and looks, if not more so...
I gave up on online dating...for now. I am still on here, but only half-hearted (or less...much ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 1, 2019:
I share your pessimism and cynicism. Feel free to correct me if I'm misinterpreting you. I don't believe either in the "once you quit looking" cliche, it is luck-based thinking and a rationalization in my book. I also don't believe there is one perfect person for each of us. At my age, I think the best we can hope for or end up with is someone we get along with and are compatible with, because at this age we are not going to change much, if any, and also have our baggage, along with being less willing to put up with shit than when we were young. Love is still possible to find, but perfection and ideal partners are something I gave up on even before I was widowed and that's why in my profile on Batch I even say that I don't believe in finding or seeking an ideal partner and had a happy marriage without one.
Look at that face!
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 1, 2019:
He is cute. Hope he is a good mouser.
This massager sucks. It scratched my skin!
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 1, 2019:
Kitty playing peekaboo. I had a neighbor cat across the street who would stand on their living room couch and play this thru the curtains in the room. It was so cute to watch....
I am at Jonado's apartment now! Here's a photo.
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 1, 2019:
I'm happy for you Jo, and of course, your guy as well. You're both having more luck than me...
Guys, this is getting under my skin and I need input...the aforementioned man from this website, who...
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 1, 2019:
I made the mistake of lending a book to an old girlfriend when I was in my 20s. It took me 6 months after we broke up to get it back and I had to go to her parent's house when she was visiting them to get it back. She enjoyed making things a chore, when she refused to mail it to me as I had asked her to. Read the messages... Yup, he seems to enjoy games....
You may remember that I played Mattie Fae in August: Osage County last spring. This spring I played ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 1, 2019:
I really liked both of those shows and did a lot of community theater when I was in my 20s and in my first real job. I even played George Gibbs when I was 23 because I had a whole head of hair back then along with my permanent baby face. The woman playing Emily was also about my age. Nowadays I would be terrified about going onstage to act, so I stick to karaoke for my performing fix. Hope you end up enjoying theater as much as I did back then for several years. The community theater group quickly provided me a lot to keep me busy, regular social activities besides the shows, and several new friends.
If you're single, are you lonely?
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 1, 2019:
It comes and goes. When I am with friends or in contact with them by phone, I never feel lonely. When I am alone in my apt. for long periods of time, sometimes I feel lonely, sometimes not. I really miss the companionship, sex, affection, someone to talk to some of the time everyday, and the feeling of security I had with my late wife before she got dementia, leading after several years to her death two years ago. Since she became ill, I have lost that feeling of security for what now feels like will be the rest of my life. For me, loneliness feels the most acute and worst when I am running low on hope that I will ever have another partner in my life. Sometimes I have some hope about this, other days I have none... When I was much younger and single, before I met my wife, being alone didn't bother me as much because I had the hope for the future that comes easier with being young as well as not having experienced the loss of a partner and learning that having one that is right and long term is no garauntee that it will last, even if you get along well. It took me almost 20 years of dating to find my wife and then it all started to fall apart with her dementia. So I am understandably pessimistic about finding another partner and having it last for decades. I know that I don't have the strength to be alone for another several years, esp. if I lose all hope of finding another partner. I can see how some people who are widowed die of natural causes fairly soon after they lose their partner.
Looking for an honest, spontaneous, down to earth, family-oriented man who is seeking the same ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 1, 2019:
Laugh all you guys want to, but in my area profiles with essays like this are actually very common, with pics of what I am sure of are real women who wrote those essays. What those real profiles I've encountered on Batch and this one have in common is the profile essay that is deliberately lying about the wonderful personality qualities of the woman, esp. the pitch about being family-oriented, because that is the big currency here in my state. The rest of the essay is the usual cliches from women about how personality and character are everything instead of looks and money, tho in this scammer profile the targetted mark is obviously nice guy family men who have some money to lose......
Stupid is as stupid does...
TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 1, 2019:
Gotta love Foghorn Leghorn, used to watch him as a kid. Do any oldtimers know which Southern pol the character was based on? I'm sure there was one, but I never found out...
I'm boarding a plane and headed to Texas to spend face to face time with Jonado. We've been FaceTime...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 28, 2019:
I used to chat with her on this site and I really liked her. I miss her too on this site. Tell her hi and I hope it works out for you two.
Alienate friends and family with "super realistic" masks based on your pets [news.avclub.com]
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 28, 2019:
Well people have always said that over time pets and their owners begin to look more and more alike....... I might like having the face of a cat if it resulted in me getting frequent petting and rubs of my head, ears, neck, etc...
If dating was like a job interview. [youtu.be]
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 28, 2019:
I don't agree with the premise that the woman holds all the cards in the dating game like here, but I do know the employer holds all the cards in the job-seeking process and I don't miss that a damn bit being retired. I could appreciate the desperation of the man in the interview, but I don't feel that myself because I hold as many cards as the woman in the dating interview and process, which is a nice change from my job-seeking days. I will say I have had a few women in my dating experiences sort of grill me a bit like here on my past dating history, ( back in the 90s with personal ads) but not much in my dating experiences since being widowed. As Deiter would undoubtedly agree, the last part of the video is right on the money about how if he doesn't get the position, she won't return his calls, as ghosting is the norm in the job-seeking process on the part of employers as it was also during the last time I was job-seeking.
Wow that took some time. I just browsed all of the lovely lady's on this sight I have to say I am ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 28, 2019:
And how many live less than a few hundred miles from you, lol? Hold that, just noticed you live in the UK, not the US, much smaller land mass, so you may actually have a chance of meeting someone not so far away thru this site.
Just a few minutes ago I cancelled my subscription to one of those 'over 50' sites. I had a few ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 28, 2019:
After today, in all honesty, I am starting to feel like I am getting there too. And this is not an easy thing to admit, because I know from experience that online dating is probably my only real chance of meeting someone in the next few years, which is what I want. I know this because I have already tried plenty of offline ways of meeting women too and they just don't provide enough opportunities to meet a large enough pool of women. And I need a very large pool, which Batch provides, in order to have any chance of reaching someone as far outside the mainstream culture here as I and my late wife are.
What do you expect for the first date? Do you expect to know whether or not there is chemistry? Does...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 27, 2019:
On the first meeting, which for me is always for coffee, I want to know if I feel any physical attraction and if I can talk comfortably with the woman. It shouldn't take much effort if we are compatible. I also want to know what their attitude seems to be about dating as well as a feel for their personality. Are they funny? Do they listen well? Do they smile a lot and warmly, or are they closed and guarded? Which is usually easy to gauge at the first meeting. In my experience, gathering info about the person and them about you regarding dealbreaker issues, can and should usually be done before the first meeting thru either a phone call or trading some messages.
I just thought... maybe... you could pet me?
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 27, 2019:
Ah.lonesome kitty wanting attention. I could never resist that look, like a lost puppy....
Luke, I am your Father...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 27, 2019:
The cat even has an evil expression on its face. Perfect..
I went on a lunch date yesterday for my birthday. The lady showed up wearing three skirts and ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 27, 2019:
I'm guessing you met her from a paid site, not from here. Definitely stranger than any first meeting I've ever had. 8 cats is probably the most I have heard for anyone in my life. Proves that crazy cat lady syndrome is not just an urban legend. Also, I try to address the issue of religion during my exchanges of messages, along with discussing other likely dealbreakers, before setting the in person first meeting, but some women manage to avoid sharing what they should have shared about themselves even with that before we end up meeting in person. Very frustrating when you are very open about yourself and they are not.
"Let's plant some catnip," she said. "It'll be fun," she said. And then the addicts moved in and the...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 27, 2019:
Junkie cats. It's like a needle park in Switzerland, lol...
She looks happy...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 26, 2019:
That is funny, but I feel bad for the poor cat, hope it's ok. Poor surprised kitty....Still, I don't think a woman being single past age 35 automatically qualifies as a crazy cat lady. Needs to be much older than that and have at least 3 cats, lol..
Good Day Everyone. You are beautiful because you let yourself feel, and that is a brave thing, ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 26, 2019:
I have, but I've already discussed my family before here.....
Looks like this is some good advice for meeting someone in the dating world: 'Don't call me ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 26, 2019:
To me, this is all bullshit. I don't text, don't know how to and don't want to learn. I prefer voice phone calls to e-mail. I know a lot of this is related to my age, but I will not date someone who has a lot of rules and restrictions over how I communicate with her. I mention this in my profile essay on a paid site and am proud of it. If being attentive and polite during conversations is not enough for a woman, then she can date someone else that is more ok with being controlled and treated impersonally. I have no time or patience for people who are so arrogant or feel so self important and/or busy that they have to impose restrictions on when someone they are dating can call them. Get over yourself, I say to them........If I call when you're too busy to talk, let it go to VM, I'll get the idea that you are busy. By the same token, if that happens and I leave a VM. have the courtesy to listen to it before calling me back so I don't have to repeat myself with the message. You won't believe how many people are too lazy and selfish to do this nowadays.
Be careful what you ask for. You might just get it. You asked for "Equality". Now you have it. ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 26, 2019:
Debates like this are a perfect example of how bullshit identity politics distract from the more important real issues that the public should be focused on instead, such as why do we continue to have endless war for oil and empire? Why is the economy continuing to leave more and more people behind without any real employment opportunities? Why are more soldiers dying from suicide than on the battlefield in our current wars? Why can't college be affordable and available to anyone who wants it, as it is in most of Europe? Why does our govt. have limitless money to fund wars but can't afford to provide housing for those who can't afford it, affordable healthcare, and repair our infrastructure? The pols of both major parties pretty much don't want to talk about these issues, so they and the media keep the focus on identity politics and the public obediently plays along. Gender equality matters, I fully agree, but I get disgusted with how this gets used over and over to lead people down a dead end instead of dealing with the bigger problems that are more fundamentally killing people and ruining lives....
Be careful what you ask for. You might just get it. You asked for "Equality". Now you have it. ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 26, 2019:
Calm down everybody. You're all getting worked up over what lawyers call a moot point. Ever since Vietnam we have no longer had a conscription draft and we never will again. Since then the ruling class has replaced it with the poverty draft due to the hollowing out of the economy with outsourcing and automation, as well as increased poverty, soaring costs for college due to less govt. funding of colleges, and the wasting away of jobs and population in rural America. The plan has worked to perfection, leaving a large, permanent underclass of urban poor and rural whites with no job opportunities other than the military to afford college, receive medical benefits, learn skills, and have a job with opportunities for advancement or retirement. Of course, to get those things, the soldier has to survive deployment in some hellhole without getting killed, blown up or suffering a TBI. It's also no coincidence that since the real draft, ended, the offspring of those in congress almost never join or serve in the military, which is nice because in the old days they needed to keep up appearances by having their kids serve in some cushy, protected form of service, like W. did in the Air National Guard, that is when he took a break from drinking and actually showed up once in a while. Can't push for wars and then risk looking like hypocrites, that simply won't do.... Not many years after the real draft ended, the anti-war movement faded and is now a shadow of what it used to be because the middle class is now not affected anymore by our post-Vietnam wars for oil and empire in the Middle East that drag on without end, because they only affect about 3% of the population, unlike Vietnam. Also, the corporate media complies with the plan by keeping these endless wars pretty quiet for the last several years, as do both major parties who support the whole plan. As W, said, Mission Accomplished........
Find people who can handle your darkest truths...........They're out there, these people. Your ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 25, 2019:
My tribe is my friends, most are folks I've known over 25 years, two are people I met a year ago. I don't need to be my own people, fortunately....
Who watched the Oscars last night? I had seen two of the movies nominated and was so pleased Rami ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 25, 2019:
I watched it and even tho I agree with the politics of those who made political speeches, I felt kind of annoyed at it after a while. It was so predictable, smug, and self-righteous. I couldn't help thinking how those same liberals would likely never have the balls to speak up against corporate power or economic inequality, but are always eager to beat the drum on endless culture war or identity politics issues. Becomes tiresome. In a related subject, it was also clear to this cynic that the Oscar organizers were going out of their way to rid the event and The Academy of their rep for Oscar So White. Jeeezz, it couldn't have been more obvious how they were stacking the ranks of presenters with black folks. Window dressing, I presume, and a substitute for any serious reform of the Academy itself or it's practices, or even those of Hollywood, for that matter.....
GOOD AFTERNOON EVERYONE!!!!! High winds caused my power, internet and cable to all go out for ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 25, 2019:
Seems like it's been cold and dreary for the last month and a half at least. The wind has died down, but it will stay cold for at least another 10 days and at the beginning of March we will have snow for at least 4 days in a row....
Single again, and grateful for having met someone on this site who captured my heart and made a ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 25, 2019:
I've been on this site for over two years and never met anyone yet in person. Lucky you.....
Queen led off the Oscars last night. Rami Malek won for best actor portraying Freddy Mercury in ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 25, 2019:
I really enjoyed it, even if was not that historically accurate. It was a movie that any rock fan would enjoy.
What kind of "hidden agenda" do people have when they're searching for somebody to date? What are ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 25, 2019:
A related part of the whole family connection thing that is so big to women in the Midwest is also that the vast majority of women my age in my area on the paid site are seeking only men who have kids, even the women who don't have kids. My guess is that there are two reasons for this. One is that the women with kids want a man who has been a parent and can relate to them on this area of their lives. The other reason is that the women without kids are thinking ahead and wanting to be with a man who has kids so they can feel assured that when the woman gets older and may end up widowed or sick that the man's kids will look after her and comfort her. Once again, I lose out....This is however, one issue that someone can indicate the preference quite conveniently on a dating profile by choosing this in the part where they indicate the lifestyle traits they are looking for in a partner by simply clicking on boxes.
Online dating has been an infuriating waste of my considerable efforts and hopes. It was so bad and ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 25, 2019:
I'm willing to drive as far as 55 miles one way. I think that is a more realistic standard to improve one's chances and I would recommend it to you.
What kind of "hidden agenda" do people have when they're searching for somebody to date? What are ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 25, 2019:
What are the first two requirements Eduardo?
An ultra-rare Catavarius.
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 25, 2019:
The cat fits so well into the space for the violin...
Major Study Finds the US Is An Oligarchy
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 24, 2019:
Why the hell would it change when both of the major parties are controlled by the oligarchs, the media is as well, and the masses about all believe that third parties are a waste of time to vote for while about half the eligible voters have given up on elections as a way of changing anything about the govt.?
Giving homes to the homeless is cheaper than leaving them on the streets - Vox
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 24, 2019:
Allowing homelessness to exist at its present level serves a purpose in capitalism of making sure that wages stay low or at least stagnant as workers realize they may face this if they don't stay obedient enough to employers as well as providing a class of wage slaves-the actual homeless- who are desperate enough to accept dangerous, unhealthy, shit jobs that people with homes would refuse to do.
I firmly believe the world has everything needed to end poverty. It makes me feel horrible seeing ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 24, 2019:
It's called capitalism. Unless you are willing to embrace socialism, you are wasting your time deploring this situation.
What kind of "hidden agenda" do people have when they're searching for somebody to date? What are ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 24, 2019:
For me the really tough one to express is concerning how I don't want someone who is really family-oriented, which to me means that if we dated they would want to be visiting their family or grandkids very regularly with me coming along. I am just not interested in doing that with anyone more than occaisionally, like maybe once a month at most. This is by far my most common dealbreaker issue that I run into with women, most likely because I live in the Midwest, where independent-minded women are by far the minority when it comes to family, even the ones without kids, and being family-oriented seems to be a religion unto itself among women my age in my area. After struggling with this issue for almost a year and a half, I have dropped all reference to this issue in my profile essay, following the advice of a member of this group, and will see if I do better on the paid site by simply leaving the issue for the coffee meeting if I get that far with a woman as well as continuing my practice of avoiding women who seem to identify themselves as family-oriented in their profile essays. There just seems to be no way to address this issue in a profile essay without being misinterpreted by women and being seen as a red flag type of guy who might be an isolating abuser type instead of someone who is simply seeking a woman who has balance in her life of family, friends, and her partner. The reason is that women appear to be just too defensive and prone to assume the worst, at least in the Midwest, if you seem to be bucking this accepted norm of being very family-focused rather than balanced.
i have some religious friends. i saw one last night. i was reminded of her beliefs quite a few ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 23, 2019:
She sounds like a flake and too obsessed with religion, but she's your friend, not mine. I would have dropped her after she got on the religion kick, but that's me...
I'm starting the count down to 100 members. We're at 86 right now with the addition of @bleurowz. ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 23, 2019:
I wish the paid sites had something like this for the members, but they would never want to bother with policing it and also figure that it would lead to more members dropping their subscriptions once they became aware of all the negative stuff being said and happening with the site.
Hows the singles doing this weekend?
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 23, 2019:
In the words of David Byrne of Talking Heads, " Same as it ever was."
These are really good. Common knowledge for the most part, but very good descriptions. "The ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 22, 2019:
Dwelling on mistakes and shortcomings has been a problem for me, not very much with the other ones.
I believe most people on this site are liberal and probably democrats, not that it matters. Which ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 22, 2019:
I voted liberal-Democrat, but that party really doesn't represent my views very well as they are so corrupt and concerned only with the rich and corporations. I am more of a socialist in my political views and the only political party that really represents my views is the Green Party.
Oy. Not again. I hope the blocking here really works, but I won’t use names anyways. Met ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 22, 2019:
What is it with men from online dating being so damn aggressive with grabbiness and immediate tongue-kissing. How can people be that desperate and clueless?
I've allowed this to happen to me. No more. "5 signs you’re the 'Back Burner' Boo": ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 22, 2019:
Have never ended up there. I may not have a ton of confidence with women, but I've always had enough self esteem to not accept being this. I also would never knowingly get involved with someone who was married or in a committed relationship.
Bwahahahaha!
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 22, 2019:
Now if only she had a way of knowing if his personality was real or fake. Some guys are so good at acting charming, nice, honest, when they are really players. That's a tougher one to spot.
(What’s So Funny ’Bout) Peace, Love & Understanding -- Nick Lowe's own version. Feeling this way...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 22, 2019:
I actually sang this song once at a Unitarian church service.
Good Morning!
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 22, 2019:
Grumpy rocks!
Perhaps single is a personal choice. Some people do single better than married.
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 21, 2019:
I like being with a partner better. Everyone's mileage may vary...
Okay today has been a really strange day. Let me start further back. I have been seeing an ex. Long ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 21, 2019:
Well, good luck with the woman you just met. Personally, I would never open with a long message to a woman on a dating site. Even if it's written with genuine enthusiasm, a long message to start will come off as desperate... But in this case, it appears to have worked anyway....
[alternet.org] PARADOX; Here's the bizarre reason why white evangelical women love Donald Trump.
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 21, 2019:
Reinforces what I already suspected about evangelicals, both male and female, and Trump. When you boil it all down, they are hypocrites when it comes to all the doctrine and rhetoric about living by the Bible, following the commandments, etc. They will support Trump no matter how much he lives against the dogma, so to me it means all the rules and beliefs of Christianity that they say is so important is all meaningless crap and that they won't act in a way that shows respect for those principles. They are hypocrites and so are their Christian leaders who support Trump. If white identity has replaced their religion, then they ought to drop out of Christianity and join the Klan, where they would belong and be welcome.
So fucking true!
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 21, 2019:
I volunteered for Bernie and have him money last time, but I won't get fooled again. He caved and supported Clinton instead of taking Stein's offer to head the Green Party ticket, which was on the ballot for either every state or almost every one. If he were really true to his principles and policies, he would have accepted and with that would also have polled high enough to get into the prez debates. I won't waste my time or money again on him. Should he get the nomination, sure I'll vote for him, even tho if he somehow beat the electronic rigging of general election voting, he would surely be assassinated or suffer a convenient fatal heart attack.
Are you ready for the democratic primaries?
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 21, 2019:
I'm already getting depressed about the inevitable repeat of 2016 with Bernie getting screwed again by the Dem Party and the Dem leaders sticking us again with a nominee that is either an establishment sellout like Biden or another Trojan Horse like Obama who is presented as liberal or progressive, but in reality is just another corporate sellout. For the latter role, Harris or O' Rourke, come to mind......
Do you prefer to be in a large group - are you happiest with a few close friends - or are you most ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 21, 2019:
It's almost always been a life with a few close friends, four to six.
I live in a city where there are nine women to every man. So why does many men find it difficult to...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 21, 2019:
I have also heard that there are some cities in Florida, where the pop. is mostly older people from the Northeast part of the US, where women greatly outnumber men. Also, I have heard that Iowa City, Iowa, a very liberal university town about two hours east of where I live, has a lopsided pop. of more women than men in my age group. But I won't move there just for that because I need my longtime friends too much for support.
I live in a city where there are nine women to every man. So why does many men find it difficult to...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 21, 2019:
Maybe in your area, Back, but not that way in mine.
Upcoming dates. Reading about ProudMerrie'sj dates has given me some encouragement to try harder. I ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 20, 2019:
I would not see the antique thing as a red flag. The late hubby of a widow friend of mine did just that for a long time before he died and made some decent money doing it. More importantly, she said, he really enjoyed it and had many friends in that industry that he enjoyed seeing on a regular basis. So at least in this one case, it was the profession of a really great guy.
I’ve experienced this: “But you’re ethical, so how can you not believe in God?”
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 20, 2019:
I attribute that attitude to cynicism and/or ignorance. As the character played by Jane Fonda said in the film version of Agnes Of God, " There are many good people who have never believed in God"...
Why Would Anyone Fall In Love With You?
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 20, 2019:
I am nurturing and supportive with a partner. I am funny and affectionate. I am honest, don't play games and am as loyal as the family dog. I am intelligent. I am willing to try new things, like dancing or biking, or other interests, if a partner wants to share those with me. I am financially secure and glad to pay my own way on everything we share together. I enjoy being romantic once I get comfortable with someone and know they feel that way about me. I get along well with dogs and cats. I sing well and love all music except country and classical.
So what makes someone block you (he disappeared, so I'm assuming) after having a great conversation,...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 20, 2019:
It's called ghosting and it happens on here, as well as on paid dating sites.
Almost stepped on the cat.
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 20, 2019:
I would have stepped on it too. What a chameleon...
So... I met a woman online that seems to be incredible. I've seen all kinds of scammers out there ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 19, 2019:
I side with the rest of the jury. When you add up all the info you've shared, it spells scammer. You said it yourself, seems incredible..... as in too good to be true.
This showed up on my Facebook feed and everyone seems to think it's a scream. It just makes me sad....
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 19, 2019:
I understand why it is funny to most divorced people and their perspective is their right and probably usually justified. However, widowed people like me have a different experience and miss their spouses. Thus, it's not surprising that in my experience with online dating, women prefer men who were divorced, like them, as well as men who have kids, like them, because they want someone with as much shared or similar experience as possible. Which may in many cases be a mistake because even tho the type of person they are interested in may share their experience, it doesn't mean that they are good at doing relationships or any bit more emotionally healthier or a better or more compatible person than their ex. Seems to be a phenomena of choosing familiar and comfortable rather than trying to improve on their last experience. There's something to be said for being more open-minded.... Besides not having shared their experience of being divorced, I can imagine another reason divorced women don't want to date a widowed man is the insecure assumption that all widowed men are either not ready to date after their loss or that the man will always see other women in comparison to their dead spouse and not in an equal or positive way. If that is their viewpoint, then the problem is theirs and I don't want someone that cynical or insecure. Knowing all of this, there's a reason I am more interested in dating women who are widowed like me, tho I am always willing to give divorced women a chance, partly because they make up the vast majority of the dating pool of women my age on Match and I need to include them to have any real chance of meeting women to date. The reason I am more interested in widowed women is that they are less likely to have bitterness and animosity in general towards men as expressed in this meme due to their last relationship. I'll take a woman with grief issues anytime over someone with lots of baggage and a negative attitude towards men.
We’re back!!!! And this time the superdelegates aren’t already paid for ?
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 19, 2019:
It'll be rigged again with the Dems. Bernie won't stand a chance, even tho if he had been nominated last time or was this time, I think he would win the general...
What do republicans have against Social Security ? It maintains many elderly at poverty levels so ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 19, 2019:
Because many of them are rich enough they will never need it and the rest are wannabees (as in wanna be rich and expect to be someday) who don't think they'll need it.
Munchie is a box boy! No, he's not mad at me, I caught his meow. ?
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 19, 2019:
My neighbor's cat loves boxes. She gets new boxes every couple weeks so her cat has something new to play in...
What does "Blocked" look like? (I wrote to Admin but it looks like I’m not going to get a ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 19, 2019:
It appears that I've been blocked by a couple people and I don't know why they did it. But at this time, I no longer give a shit..
Snacks? Already?
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 18, 2019:
Are they twins or at least siblings?
Our Weird World I've been visiting the local Unitarian Universalist fellowship on occasion, and ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 18, 2019:
UU churches get targeted often by those kind of nuts, because they have the rep of being very lefty and LGBT supportive. The threat of violence is very real as a few of them have been shot up. From what I've heard, most of them now have security plans in place for that kind of problem, but none of them would ever actually have armed guards, which I think is kind of naive these days, but the churches are too hard core pacifist to take that step. The other posters are right, calling the cops is going to be too late to save everybody if the nut has weapons or a bomb. There comes a time when a group needs to protect themselves, tho that can be hard to decide.
In H.S. 4 of us girls were best freinds in the 70s. One of them (married) moved out here to FL, I ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 18, 2019:
I guess that's why they say the more you get to know people, the more you like dogs.....
I posted a couple weeks ago about a guy I had a date with, and a second date planned. The second ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 18, 2019:
As the Soup Nazi on Seinfeld would say, "No dessert (sex) for you!".
I can't make up my bed because Stella is sleeping on the clean sheets fresh out of the dryer.
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 18, 2019:
Cats love the warmth of things fresh from the dryer. They think those items are a like a spa for them to lay in...Reminds me of how much my parent's cats loved warmth. They would run to curl up against the vents in our living room as soon as they heard the furnace go on. Then they'd lay there against the vent as long as it stayed warm....
places to meet people?
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 17, 2019:
I'll make this simple. Most people, quite ignorantly but with good intentions, will tell you to get out and join a bunch of groups, hang out at a bunch of places, take a bunch of classes, volunteer, etc. I have already tried those things and in reality the chances of you meeting someone to date is pretty unlikely, at least if you are my age. In the old days, bars were a good place because that was where pretty much all the single folks who were looking for dates were at. Nowadays it's different. Getting out and doing all the stuff I mentioned at the start is pretty much a waste of time because it involves a relatively small pool of people, many of which are not looking for someone new to date. And if you don't already have a reason or interest that motivates you to be out at that group or activity regardless of whether it helps you meet someone, it will only add to your experience of frustration and disappointment, which is bad for your mental health. Online dating is a cesspool, yes, but it does involve a rather large pool of people who are actually looking for someone to date. It also doesn't really involve investing that much time either. Way less time than, say showing up every week or month for anywhere from an hour to a few hours and never meeting anyone compatible to date. I guess the involvement approach where you spend lots of time offline hoping to meet someone gives you something to do and might pay off over a long period of time, but if you don't want to invest that much time in meeting someone and are already 60 and knowing that your years left are way less than what you've already lived, online dating seems a better bet of meeting someone in the next few years. I have also discovered, both by checking out some of these groups and activities, both in person and thru online browsing of their member lists, that many or most of the people at these offline groups and activities are already on Match. So going to the groups, etc., is just a waste of time and a duplication of effort as far as expanding your pool of people to meet for dating. Even if you are willing to invest all the time and effort of getting involved in these offline things to meet people, the only advantage they have over online dating is that you get to meet them in person to start, without all the competition, vs. meeting only thru them seeing a photo, and then maybe later a profile on a screen, but only if your photo meets their standards for looks.
Do you like having long term friends of the opposite sex?
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 17, 2019:
I have no problem with it and have had several of these in my life. One was with a woman I met from a personal ad that was the only 9 I have ever got to know in my life. She was honest and kind enough to tell me at the beginning of the first meeting that he had no physical attraction for me, but we had a good 2 year friendship that we both valued before she moved away. She was a minister and I think she just really wanted a friend outside her church that she could hang with and confide to. Having said that, I also realize that it would be difficult if not impossible to have friendships with women like that while dating someone seriously due to possible jealousy. All of my friendships with women have begun while I was single, one of them has continued after I became involved and then married. It helps that she is married. I also have a fairly new friendship for the last year with a fellow widowed woman.
Cute boots
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 17, 2019:
I love GrumpyCat!
So many snuggles
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 17, 2019:
Such fluffy fur...
Kity... that's not how new cat beds work... you're supposed to get INSIDE the $35 kitty house... ?...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 17, 2019:
Maybe he's just proud of it and showing it off by posing in front of it for pics like this...Like hooman homeowners....
OK, this is the most adorable cat-dog fight I've ever seen. [facebook.com]
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 17, 2019:
At least they are both being playful and gentle about it.
Zoe has not said that she is sorry for scratching my arms .... but I love her anyway. She thinks ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 16, 2019:
The hooman is supposed to wear protective padding....
Adventures in Job Seeking: Yesterday I drove deep into the suburban Eastside for an interview ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 16, 2019:
I once interviewed for a job where basically the guy talked for an hour and a half and barely asked me anything. By the end I was uncomfortable about how it seemed like it was never going to end. I didn't get the job and I have no ideas what was going on with him. I suspect what happened that caused him to reject me was that the wife of a asshole co-worker from the current job I was in then worked at that place and that my co-worker had talked to him either before or after the interview and badmouthed me with a backdoor reference against me. I had not listed this co-worker as a reference, of course, and during the interview the guy did ask me about this co-worker and I gave a diplomatic positive answer. Didn't matter, I'm sure the co-worker cost me the job and during the interview the manager may well have just been going thru the motions. I so do not miss all the mindfuck that I endured over the years of employment and job-seeking. I am surprised there are not more shootings at workplaces by not only employees, but frustrated job-seekers.
Me & My little man Buddy
TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 15, 2019:
That is a cute cat. Looks like a badass too...based in the facial expression.

Photos

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Agnostic, Atheist, Humanist, Secularist, Freethinker, Spiritual
Open to meeting women
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