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I've been widowed for three years following a 20-yr. marriage. My late wife had dementia for several years. Seek someone kind for dating, companionship, and hopefully leading to a long-term relationship. Am now retired. My politics are very left-wing, Bernie Sanders-type socialist. Partner would have be at least liberal. Dating range is women age 51-69. See my profile questions and answers to find my interests, but I'll list some of them at the end. But first, I'll save some time by listing what seem to be the usual deal-breakers with most women

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Dating Service sigh [gocomics.com]
TomMcGiverin comments on Sep 8, 2019:
Instead of retouching their pics, it seems like many just use fake photos of somebody else. I met a woman recently for coffee that was very nice, but her photos were outdated as she was way heavier than she looked in her photos. There's a reason, people, that we want current photos in a profile!
My new mantra: Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is just get up and face the world everyday....
TomMcGiverin comments on Sep 7, 2019:
Word.
Warren Isn't the New Hillary, She's Obama 2.0 (and that's not a compliment)
TomMcGiverin comments on Sep 7, 2019:
I don't trust her at all to be a progressive if she actually got power. She's lying to us, same as Obama did during the campaign in 2008.
So I just did a count and since the middle of July, 8 young women — all young enough to be my ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Sep 7, 2019:
Very seldom get them on here. On the dating sites the scammers seem to be more frequent lately.
The Case for Sanders/Warren 2020: The Populist Dream Team Ticket to Win A Green New Deal | Common ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Sep 7, 2019:
I doubt this partnership will happen as Warren let Bernie down last time, when her endorsement would have really counted for something and helped Bernie get the support of women, who instead supported Hillary over him, gender over policy and character. So I doubt Bernie trusts her enough to pick her as a running mate. I know I wouldn't, if a so-called progressive put gender and her own political ambitions over policy four years ago. Also, I think that Warren's own future political ambitions and vulnerability to caving to big money and corporate power would prevent her from wanting to offend them by teaming with Bernie. She has said that she is open to accepting corporate money in a general election if she gets the nomination, unlike Bernie.
Rescue update. Baldi is thriving. Seeing more of his personality every day. He loves to crab ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Sep 6, 2019:
He's so cute. I'm happy for both of you and how much both of you are enjoying your time together.
If you could spend a week with any entertainer who would you choose?
TomMcGiverin comments on Sep 5, 2019:
They're both dead, but that would have to be Lennon, in the statue there, because he was so smart and funny or else Leonard Cohen, who wasn't rock music, but equally funny and smart. I didn't include Bob Dylan because I have often heard he can be pretty anti-social and unfriendly a lot of the time, not the best company.
Ok.. we’ve had discussions on this thread about dating site profiles that go beyond what might be ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Sep 4, 2019:
Maybe I'm just equally jaded as you from two years of online dating, but to me this list is a bunch of cliches combined with unrealistic wants or must haves.
As an extreme introvert, I can relate to this:
TomMcGiverin comments on Sep 4, 2019:
I agree. The cat will always appreciate attention from a strange man. Trying to give that to women at a party, it's hit or miss, may or may not be welcome.
Will You Still Love You When You're No Longer Young and Beautiful?
TomMcGiverin comments on Sep 4, 2019:
What does NPC mean?
Latest on my dating entertainment sites. I got a random text of cleavage in a bra. Sent to "Jon". ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Sep 3, 2019:
Scammers both.
Are we prisoners of our devices?
TomMcGiverin comments on Sep 2, 2019:
Not me. I don't own one, just a tracphone for road emergencies and making calls away from home. Still have a landline.
An email from a guy on a dating site: "Gwen forgive me for bothering you, you're the first real ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Sep 1, 2019:
Let us know if he replies, but I doubt he will.
after several months of emails, texting and a few phone calls, my virtual "friend" planned to visit ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Sep 1, 2019:
You're being played and he sounds like a royal jerk. Cut him loose.
O.K. Ladies...Is it really like this???? Good Morning all!!!
TomMcGiverin comments on Sep 1, 2019:
Sounds like a catalog of passive aggressive terms.
The Art of Being Single, Wall Street Journal. Short story: create a meaningful life for yourself. ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 31, 2019:
Being divorced is one thing, being widowed is another after a long and happy marriage. The latter makes it much harder to convince oneself that life is as satisfying and meaningful on your own again when you can still remember not that long ago how much better life was with a partner that loved you. I think divorced and widowed people see being single very differently due to their experience with their last relationship and the circumstances under which it ended. Being single again it always much harder if you don't have kids or close family members to lean on and visit, divorced or widowed. I won't drink the Kool-Aid and pretend that life on my own is ever going to be as good as with a partner. Divorced people can decided that it is, but for myself, I'm not buying into it....
Why do we sometimes let others change us, when maybe they should conform to our ways and colors???
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 31, 2019:
I don't. For dating, friendships, or a life partner, I will always be willing to compromise, but I won't change for them. They need to take me as I am. If I should change over time as a result of my relationship with them or simply with age and experience, that's another matter. But I won't be blackmailed into changing just to add someone new to my life.
Struck by a nun! As a child of seven or thereabouts, I was slapped soundly on my thigh as I sat ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 30, 2019:
You all would love a one-act play by Christopher Durang called Sister Mary Ignatious Explains It All For You, in which the main character, Sister Mary, is a psychotic homicidal sadist. It's a black comedy, of course, by gay ex-Catholic Durang.
My new rescue. He was regularly abused for 4 years and now he’s safe and thriving after 24 ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 29, 2019:
Big kitty, huge paws...
I have a profile on the Fish site. I get a "member wants to meet me". I go and look and it is a ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 28, 2019:
Different strokes for different folks. Not trying to be overly PC on you, since I am not exactly a big follower of that, but I find it a bit offensive that you lump all LGBT folks into being "psychologically disordered". But you have the right to your opinion and I to mine. I don't get fazed at men or LGBT people viewing my profile, as I know who and what I am securely enough that, short of harassment, I really don't care who might be interested in me. I suggest you take a look at yourself and your insecurities.
I watched this four times and am still crying and laughing out loud. [facebook.com]
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 28, 2019:
I think this kind of stuff was the inspiration for a few of the songs David Byrne wrote for his band Talking Heads, where he would wear a pair of nerdy glasses and go into epileptic fits during the songs while performing them live or in the music videos. It was meant to be a variation on the whole holy roller thing of speaking in tongues, which was the name of the album by the band, Speaking In Tongues. Byrne got the idea by listening to a southern preacher on the radio.
Went to a 100-person singles mingle tonight. My female friend and I realized quickly that there ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 27, 2019:
Was this sponsored by a dating site, a matchmaking group, or a local singles org.? I have been disgusted for a while that Match has no local live events for members, even tho we pay the same rate for membership as people who live in larger cities where they do have those kind of events, because the site claims that there " is currently not enough interest in" my local area for them to hold events. Yeah, right........We should be paying a lower rate as we are getting less in services from the site.
I had this weird exchange recently with a member. Well, maybe his first line isn’t weird – maybe...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 27, 2019:
I hate small talk and maybe this works against me and might cause me to come on a bit strong, at least in the minds of some women, if I begin messaging them with something original and commenting on their profile, but that's exactly what I will do if I find a woman's profile interesting to me. I will comment specifically on something in it and will also point out areas of commonality between them and me. I will also then ask them to look at my profile. I keep the whole thing to one paragraph most of the time, maybe four sentences or so, mainly because I know that most women on dating sites get barraged with messages so they don't want really long opening messages and because so few of mine get replied to it's not worth putting a lot of time and effort into.
Lookie lookie what I found in the Wall Street Journal: [wsj.com]
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 27, 2019:
Some function better and are happier as singles, others more as couples. Everyone is different. All I can say for myself is that I've done both and by far I was happier, as least as a middle aged person, in the time I was part of a long term couple. I think there is a big difference between being widowed after a successful, happy marriage and being divorced or never married. In my case I already know what I had and I miss having something good like that in my life. So I find the article a little hard to identify with or relate to, as it is obviously more geared to divorced and never married people.
Effort seems meaningless and egotistical at best. You try and you try & then you die. If you ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 27, 2019:
Sounds like a plan....
What did Marx mean by "religion is the opium of the people"?
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 27, 2019:
I agree with this interpretation. It is the medicine for emotional and psychic suffering that the masses use.
In East Europe new laws allow for second generation Holocaust survivors to apply for finamcial ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 27, 2019:
They are entitled to compensation, but I really doubt they will ever get it due to the politics of Russia, the corruption in the govt., and how broke the country is financially most of the time.
Hi I'm in the Chatroom getting ready for Trivia in 10 minutes. 5:50 PM EST USA. Hope to see you ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 26, 2019:
Not going to join trivia, but wanted to let you know Lisa, that the last two times I tried to enter the Singles/Mingle/ Chat, it DID let me in. Who knows why it works sometimes and not others.....
My daughter told me last night that she believes "everything happens for a reason"... I think I ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 26, 2019:
In the words of Dawes, an alt rock band I have long liked, " Things happen, that's all they ever do".....
This fits me to a tee...Pardon the pun!
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 26, 2019:
I needs me one of those shirts, it would save a lot of explaining on my part that I am too lazy or apathetic to provide.
Maybe all these men should shut up about women’s behavior and bodies and insist that GOP ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 26, 2019:
This poster makes my skin crawl. It reads like a cross between The Stepford Wives and The Handmaid's Tale. It shows how men should have no voice whatsoever in making policy about women's reproductive rights. Also, nice job of tokenism for them to have one black woman in the graphic images.
Making Your Best Use Of The BLOCK Function This is a large, diverse, and multi-purpose online ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 26, 2019:
I have blocked 27 so far and probably been blocked by about 20 or so. I really don't sweat it either way, as I do see it as a way to customize the site and not put up with being hassled, targetted or annoyed by people who either don't get me, have no respect for me or others, or are just plain toxic and argumentitive. I find it helps me enjoy the site more, and I still run into opinions and people I disagree with on a regular basis, which is good and proves I have not made this site an echo chamber for me. My one fault is that before I block someone I do often taunt them by saying I am going to block them and sometimes state why. That is for the benefit of onlookers so they know what is going on, since the person blocked is not going to get to read it anyway. I think of it kind of like a sports announcer or commentator, plus, like Sticks said, it adds to the fun of blocking.....
I will admit this might be a pick too finicky, but I really do not want to date a man who is smaller...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 25, 2019:
Being tall is one of the few advantages I have over other men in the superficial world of online dating. However, once in a while I actually run across a woman who says in her profile she won't date a man over 6' tall because she is too short for someone that height. Go figure....
Good Morning Everyone? Do you love your neighbor? I'm planning on a Meetup event to meet new people ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 25, 2019:
We are not that far away from becoming Gilead here in the US. If we do, just like in the story, the borders to Canada and Mexico will be closed to women and their partners wanting to escape slavery here.
Officially the Worst On-line date ever: "MONROE — Two people missing for a week after meeting ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 25, 2019:
The nice thing about someone dating me is they will always have a designated driver who is also a former professional driver with a CDL. Not as likely to drive the car into a lake. Jus' sayin' ladies.......
Hi all. Sassygirl will be in the Chatroom tonight if anyone is around on a Saturday night. See you!
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 24, 2019:
Last night I got into chat with no problem. Just tried now and no luck this time.
I may need to substitute dogs... Oh wait - I already have them 🤣🤣🤣🤣
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 24, 2019:
I don't mind dating cat ladies as long as they own 3 or less and are otherwise compatible. If I lived in your area, I'd be eager to meet you.
For the most part, I agree with these ... what say you ?
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 24, 2019:
Monogamy is not the problem, at least not by itself. This list seems to be more about obsession, rigidity, unrealistic or extreme beliefs, and narrow-mindedness on the part of one of the partners, which are problems in any relationship, even friendship.
Then and Now. Feel Free to post your favorite tunes of Neil Young.
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 24, 2019:
I recently watched a documentary, Deja Vu, that he directed and produced about the 2006 CSNY Freedom Of Speech tour in which he and the old boys opposed W and the Iraq war. It was fascinating to look back at the reactions of both his fans and the public on the Iraq War and the issue of criticizing the war or W. Not much has changed between W and Trump as far as the tactics of the Repubs and their followers, but it has gotten worse. My fav song of his is still Rockin' In The Free World.
My post yesterday regarding "Fiddler on the Roof" prompts me to ask, what subjects or interests do ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 24, 2019:
Karaoke and music in general.
Hey everyone. Been feeling like I'm never going to date again. Or even have a male friend to pal ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 23, 2019:
My trying to help on this would be the blind leading the blind. Don't know what to say except that I relate and often feel like giving up on dating. Can't meet anyone right for me and even making a male friend to commiserate with seems impossible as well. Other guys aren't interested in mutual support like that if they are single, at least in my experience.
For the last week or so, I have been unable to join the chatroom for Single/Mingle Chat group. When ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 22, 2019:
Update: I was able to get into chat tonite.
Dennis Skinner, the "Beast of Bolsover", the firebrand British socialist politician, who sings to ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 22, 2019:
Sounds like the Brit version of Bernie Sanders. Wish we had a bunch of him in the US political system.
People are herd animals. Most of us believe the comforting nonsense our parents & ancestors believed...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 22, 2019:
I hate sheeple. I will not even be friends with someone who is a sheeple because they are too frustrating to engage with intellectually, like a Trumper or most very religious folks. Just too frustrating. I know that makes me intolerant, but I would rather be that than frustrated with them. I hate sheeple mainly for how they damage society with their defective thinking and actions, mainly thru voting but also their choices as consumers.
My magic tail allows me to levitate:
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 22, 2019:
Cute, active kitty.
Dry run in the bus today, school begins Sept. 3. Summer was good but coming to a close. I like fall ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 22, 2019:
I drove a school bus for several years. I really don't miss the bratty kids or getting up at zero dark thirty, esp. in the winter, to get in the bus in the cold, dark mornings. Best of luck with this school year.
Back before Charlie got religion... [youtube.com]
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 22, 2019:
I always liked this song and it expresses well my feelings about the South and rednecks. I wish they would just secede again and this time let them go. Too bad Charlie turned and embraced the whole redneck thing later in his career, probably not long after this song.
Today is the final day of the worst year of my life;it was one year ago on the 22nd of August that ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 22, 2019:
Almost all of this whole decade has been loss, grief, suffering and death for me, so I can relate. I will be glad when it finally passes, like a kidney stone, and we begin 2020. Glad you have made progress..
What about grief? How long should you wait to seriously consider trying to find a new relationship? ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 21, 2019:
I think it's very individual and depends on the circumstances. My late wife had already lost her identity and most of her personality after a few years of having dementia. I had already begun grieving, so when she died over two years ago, I was mostly done with grieving the loss of the person I knew and being part of a relationship of equal adults. I have been ready to date for at least two years. Too bad women on dating sites don't seem to understand or agree, unless they have known someone close who had dementia.
Starved For Practicing Emotional Intimacy (SFPEI) 1: PRACTICING EMOTIONAL CONNECTABILITY ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 21, 2019:
There is a lot of truth in your post. Too bad most people are not ready or willing to hear it in the dating sites. I really wish there was a way to require people to get some therapy before they go on dating sites and inflict their shit on others while blaming everyone but themselves for the drama and dysfunction that surrounds them and those they touch. The line about bleeding on those who didn't cut you is priceless. I am so sick of the paranoia of some women directed at all men they encounter. If they cannot lose that, they have no business trying to date as they will never give a decent man a chance or find anyone that gets past their defenses...
This is just an imaginary exercise for fun. If you could do something nefarious and get away with it...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 21, 2019:
No, there are a few evil rich people I would like to whack, like maybe some of the Waltons, for one. I am aware enough to know that politicians are mostly just puppets of the rich, so if you want to assassinate evil, you need to go to the source or the puppet masters.
Alternatives to ghosting. I like this.
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 21, 2019:
#s 3, 4, and 5 are either lies or lame, phony excuses. I won't play those games with other sincere, sensitive souls like me. So I would only use 1, 2, or 6 because they would be sincere and genuine from me. If someone asked me the reason or reasons I was not interested, I would tell them the truth. I know that is a step or level where most people won't go, but if an adult asks me for the truth on that I will give it to them, if only because sometimes I want that from others in the dating game and I appreciate the honesty when I ask for it and get it. So I don't want to be a hypocrite about that issue.
Funny! And true???
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 20, 2019:
Things I Shouldn't Say and Bad Housekeeping for all of each one.......
Funny! And true???
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 20, 2019:
I tend to be a pretty dark person compared to the norm, but even I don't have near that many dark categories in my past.
Today I had gotten a robocall and the caller ID said it was me calling myself. It was a Microsoft ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 20, 2019:
Today I got one supposedly from Pay Pal saying my bank card-didn't say which one, of course-had been charged $400 for a suspicious purchase. It was a robocall too.
On this day, 20 August, in 1984 Edwin Earl Ross married Anna Munoz. That's 35 years. We started ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 20, 2019:
A man after my own heart. My late wife and I were not together as long as you two, but that was due to her dementia and death. We dated a year, lived together two more to be sure of things, and then got married after that. We were together about a third of my current age.
Happy Tuesday Fellow Hippies. This pic is a good news story. A nursing home decided to have some fun...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 20, 2019:
Actually you are onto something. As the Boomers age and are starting to end up in nursing homes and retirement homes, the facilities are shifting their entertainment options to cater to them. A place where my late wife and I lived in an assisted living apartment, before her dementia separated us later, had a singer come in who sang Motown and doo-wop music as well as other entertainers who would sing some old rock and folk stuff from the 60s. In other words, they are moving on some to not just having music from the big bands and old jazz stuff as their clientele gets more and more contemporary.
Doonesbury by Garry Trudeau for August 18, 2019 - GoComics
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 20, 2019:
Yeah, the BD character mostly represents Fox News viewers who are ignorant and duped by conservative propaganda.
Since there always seems to be an upcoming election for something and a non-stop parade of political...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 20, 2019:
As far as Obama and racism, one thing I hated about Obama was that he and his supporters used his race as a weapon against those from the left, like me, who criticized him as a corporate, warmongering, sellout because they could then accuse us falsely of racism if we bashed him, even tho race had nothing to do with it. His race also worked as an appeal to liberals so they could feel all warm and good about having finally got a black person elected prez, no matter how flawed and corrupt. It was sickening and disgusting, esp. now that Obama and his wife have gone on, exactly as I predicted they would after he left office, and started cashing in on his corruption with the high priced speeches to corporate groups. It just took a little longer than I thought it would for him to start collecting his bribe money for being a good corporate servant to the rich and business. Bring on the haters.....
Since there always seems to be an upcoming election for something and a non-stop parade of political...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 20, 2019:
The answer to our problems has been there for decades. It's called public financing of election campaigns, but it will never happen no matter how much people bitch about how money runs politics and how sold out the candidates are, because the concept sounds too socialist and our legal system has been rigged long ago to prevent it and instead preserve the legalized bribery of campaign donation as the equivalent of free speech.
Just wondering... even if people voted a woman into the oval office, do you think they would ever ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 20, 2019:
I agree that a female prez would need to be or look average weight or even slender to get the approval of most voters. Not fair, but fact. Men are allowed more slack about their looks in politics, tho attractive looking men still have quite an advantage over plain or ugly-looking ones, esp. in races that involve a lot of TV time.
someone likes to kiss me. g
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 20, 2019:
At this point, I would gladly settle for a cat kiss, whether it's licking my hand or my face.....
More drama in dating...or lack thereof. I met a guy online that I texted for two weeks. I was very ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 19, 2019:
I got stood up twice in less than 4 months by different women from dating sites, so it goes both ways, welcome to the club. With your looks it won't happen often. This guy obviously didn't want to ever meet. He was just feeding his ego by being a text buddy. It sucks that he wouldn't be a real man and admit he just wanted a texting relationship. He is likely married or otherwise involved. Live and learn. The other guy was a liar too. Try to remember that most men and women are fairly honest, but at the same time the better-looking the person, the more shit they will pull in general with the dating game. Why? Because they get most of the attention in the dating game and thus know that they can get away with more. You might consider trying out some of the guys who are only 5s and 6s in looks, because they are more likely to be decent, honest people than the 7s or better. Take my advice or not, as you like......
What It's Really Like to Be Sober Curious: When an Alcohol "Break" Becomes Permanent
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 19, 2019:
A guy recently tried to start a Meetup group around this issue. He named it Sober Des Moines and it got up to 50 members registered on Meetup. However, like most Meetup groups, when it came to finally meeting together, only 6 people showed, even after the leader solicited lots of input on what fit with people's schedules the best. We had a good discussion at the one meeting, but then the leader dropped out soon after, so the group died. I think he was just ahead of the curve too much. Social drinking is such a central part of social life here, esp. among singles. That's why I started lying on my dating profiles, saying I was a social drinker, because I'm tired of being rejected, among other reasons, because listing myself as a non-drinker is taken by cynical women on dating sites as meaning that I have to be a recovering alcoholic or a judgemental teetotaler, neither of which I am.
Heading into the chatroom for a while at 6:25 PM EST USA.
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 19, 2019:
The chat still won't admit me, Lisa. Did you see my PM about it?
CEO compensation higher than people estimate it to be and what it to be. What is your opinion? ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 19, 2019:
Their pay has no relation to performance, but is completely related to how corrupt the system is with their pay being set by cronies they appoint to their company's board of directors. It's an interlocking system where everybody gets rich except the rank and file employees and the stockholders.
Something tells me this Match .com profile was auto-generated. 😂 Alt text: “Spine surgeon, ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 19, 2019:
Sounds like we have a new spokesperson for that beer commercial with the " World's most interesting man....".
‘Part of me wanted to leave’: Lone attendee of Steve King town hall turns out to be a ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 18, 2019:
I live in Iowa, fortunately not in King's area, but in central Iowa and had heard that his party and even a lot of his supporters were turning on him and finally developing a healthy sense of shame about him. All I can say is, good, and better late than never.....If he does run again it looks like they will primary his ass and he will lose.....
Has anyone used Salonpas patch? I had gotten some at Costco last week and I seem to have trouble ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:
Never heard of it, what is it?
Today was a challenging day... My sister and nieces came over to the house, and we went through ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:
It's always a hell of a lot easier going thru a dead person's stuff if you have help. It not only provides emotional support, but it also helps save time and adds perspective and input about what stuff to pitch, what to donate, and what to keep.
You know how when someone tells you to wait for them while they get their life together, and they ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:
As is always the case with the cool women on this site, I would be very interested in meeting you if you lived in my area, but you don't.....
Getting ready for a singles group party tonight.
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:
I tried two local singles groups and they were both dead ends. Both groups were full of very square, conservative folks that were mainstream Christians and not at all intellectuals or hipsters. Nice people, but very boring and not open-minded. Unfortunately, both groups reflected the mainstream culture and lifestyle of my local dating pool, so they were piss poor in providing me any dating prospects.
My approach to dating grew out of my mindfulness training in therapy. This is a good resource for ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:
Sounds like BS to me, esp. when I saw at the end that it is a course that is sold to people. Reminds me a lot of the $ I spent or wasted working with a dating and relationship coach for a month. Fortunately for me, it was money I could afford to lose, unlike most people. I concluded that she was mainly selling hope to people who had gotten desperate from the brutality of online dating and the dating scene in general. Her coaching methods and materials were all pretty boilerplate stuff that you could have gotten on the net by researching things, as it turned out and, as far as my dating profile, which she worked with me on, it was no different than what Match had done for me for $40 a while back. And neither one made any difference in my response rate from women I messaged. My advice, save your money and get some regular therapy. My therapist confirmed all this with me after my one month experiment and even commented that the coach's revised profile was not only not better, but that it had run-on sentences in it......If anything, my real advice would be to spend the money with a pro photographer to get better pics in your profile, since they seem to be the real key to getting interest from others with online dating. I don't hide anything about myself to others and I feel as much self acceptance as probably most people on dating sites, but this navel-gazing stuff is just a bunch of crap to make people feel more in control and able to influence the process of online dating when the real truth is that most of it is about your looks, which most of us cannot do much about other than our hairstyles and how much we lose or gain weight as well as whether we work out or not. Beyond that, it's pretty much genetics as far as our looks, with the exception of maybe how you dress in the pics, but again, that is an area where a photographer could probably help you out as well if they are experienced in their work and esp. if they are female or a gay male, stereotyping a bit here, I know, but probably on the mark tho.
Good afternoon everyone! My cable was off for a couple of hours so I was reading. Hanging around the...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:
Welcome to my world of having only estranged family, instead of supportive family. I'm very grateful for my friends who have replaced them in my life. Maybe this might make it easier for others to understand why it would be so hard to move away from them just to have a better dating pool. Easier said than done. I now have 3 unsupportive siblings and my friends, that's it, in my life.
THIS JUST IN!!!!!
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:
I haven't drank since 1996, so it's a good thing I'm retired. Most of my jobs were not that enjoyable tho, so I can relate, at least in my memories......
Congratulations to @bobwjr for reaching level 9 !! Woohoo... He was great as an eight but he's finer...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:
Couldn't happen to a nicer guy...
I am in the chatroom...not sure if its still being buggy.
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 16, 2019:
Looks like it's being buggy again. It was fine earlier this evening. I tried to join and it wouldn't admit me and it doesn't look like it was letting you chat.
Every time I log on with my Desk Top to Agnostics, I get and error message from Microsoft telling me...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 16, 2019:
No, but I've had other problems with the site recently.
A couple we can respect
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 16, 2019:
Speak for yourself. I loathe them and the Clintons, but for different reasons than conservatives do. Just another pair of sellout, Neo-liberal corporatists who posed as liberals.
Julian Assange's lawyer pleads with Australians to help bring him home
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 16, 2019:
"How many fingers, Julian?".......
Which response is your favorite? I like : "Not everyone with a womb has to have a child in the same ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 16, 2019:
My problem now is being widowed and trying to date in a local area where the mainstream culture is all about family and kids, even at my age, so even the childless women seem to only want to date family men. Maybe they are trying to hedge their bets for not having kids by dating a guy with kids so they can be adopted by his family if they are widowed and lonely later, then his family will look after them and keep them company. No less selfish than the argument below about having kids so they will take care of the parent in their old age.
Who has been called a nerd? Are you proud of it or is it just me?
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 15, 2019:
I've never been called a nerd. Other negative labels, yes. I am proud to be an intellectual and am proud when I am labelled that once in a great while. I wish America was a place where the term was not usually accompanied by a sneer.
Sweet. I can't even imagine it though!
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 15, 2019:
As Tony Soprano once said to his therapist, " The circle jerk of life".....
The site appeared to be down for a while this morning. Did anyone else experience this? It seemed ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 15, 2019:
This evening I tried joining the single/mingle chat room and it wouldn't let me in.
Hi Everyone -I'm in the chatroom at 6:24 PM if anyone wants to chat.
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 15, 2019:
I tried to join you, it won't work or let me in.
Strange how people have to resort to insults when they don't like someone's opinion "AnneWimsey ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 15, 2019:
I blocked AW a long time ago. I suggest you do the same...
Is it okay to pretend to love someone if you're up front about it? and just to clear things a ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:
Reminds me of the Clintons sham of a marriage a bit. Could never believe that Hillary actually forgave and still loved Bill after all the humiliation he put her thru. No doubt she stayed married to him and they both faked their continued marriage all for her political ambition and their shared hunger for power..... And understand that my contempt for the Clintons, as well as all corporatist pols, is not because I am a conservative, which I am not, but because I am a socialist who hates all pols that are phony and serve the status quo.
More sad evidence for mysogyny in the Land of the Unfree... "The motivations of men who commit ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:
Makes sense to me. Women sure don't do mass shootings that I've ever heard about even tho there are many women who own guns, enjoy shooting, and even have military training with guns. Maybe they just don't have the same level of hatred towards others that these men have and are also not as sexually frustrated. The other piece of the puzzle may be that women do not have the same sense of entitlement as white men, who do almost all the mass shootings, seem to have. Therefore, less rage when they do not get their way in love, jobs, etc..
I am hurt and angry. I feel like I must have a bullseye on my back. Married men or otherwise ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:
Good looking people attract more interest and people, both of the good and healthy kind as well as the bad and unhealthy. I wish I had your amount of interest in me from others, but I am grateful I have not had your kind of problems with dating. I wish I could understand better or be more empathetic, but I can't and won't pretend that I can. As one of my mentors on here says, it goes both ways. I wish I could understand how people with lots of interest from others think, but I honestly don't. Too bad having your shit together and wanting only one person is not enough these days to get interest from others and find love. I remember being younger and finding that it was often enough back then, but it sure as hell isn't enough now. Wish you the best, Marianne and that I could help....
Hey guys what do say when you meet someone in person from online dating and you are not physically ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:
LL- Thank you for as least asking the ? and thus showing you are more kind and considerate than most people in online dating, who would just take the easy way and ghost. Like skado said below, there is no easy answer. You could do what I do in those rare situations where someone is more interested in me than I am in them and do this: Send them a short message thanking them sincerely for meeting you and point out something positive about them so they feel some encouragement about being dateable in general, but also make it clear that you do not feel they are a match for you and that you are moving on. If they bother to ask your reason or reasons for not wanting to continue to see them or have contact, which is very rare in my experience that someone would ask, I will tell them the blunt truth, since they are an adult and by asking they are implying they are able to handle the truth, so that's what I will give them. On the face of it, asking the reasons why someone is rejecting you may seem to make no sense or be useless, but, having been on both ends of the rejection situation in online dating, it does make some sense in that otherwise the rejected have no real data or info to understand why they are experiencing so much rejection, a common experience in online dating, and it also helps give the rejected more of a realistic idea who they have a chance with in online dating and who they don't. Which, trust me, can be helpful in such in an otherwise impersonal, mysterious process as online dating is anyway. With so much rejection and ignoring that average looking and most people in online dating experience, some honest feedback can be very valuable and useful, esp. if it concerns something the rejected party might be able to do something about, like hygiene, attitude, what they said or shared that was inappropriate etc..
"Are You Pretty Enough For Him?" Matthew Hussey on beauty. I like this guy, he says some very ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:
I just ran across a profile on Our Time of a woman from my town that had no pics of her, just two of her dog in the backyard and one of a plate of food. Someone this clueless is not even worth bothering to message and tell her to include some pics of herself.
More gangster cats
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:
Still makes me think of a Tarantino movie, Reservoir Cats........
I wonder how many Woodstock attendees saved those stubs? I'm guessing since the tickets became moot...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:
My late wife didn't, but she had pics that prove she was there.
DC MD VA peeps. Happy hour get together posted in our group.
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:
Wish something like that could happen in the Des Moines area on here, but we don't even have the critical mass to try it.
Does anyone else here feel frustrated by the dating options out there when you are a person that ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 13, 2019:
We don't know your age with you Anon user account, but I assume you are a young woman who is seeking a man who is middle aged, right? All I can say is that you will probably get a lot of interest from older men should you seek them out, whether on this site or a paid dating site. The reason for my saying that is that in my experience on sites like Match and Our Time, that women who are in their late 40s-thru mid 50s seem to rarely want to date more than a couple or at most a few years older than them, while at the same time they express interest in dating as much as 15 years younger than them. In other words, you will not have much competition for men who are more than 10 years older than you, depending of course, on how your looks stack up against your competition.
Joe Biden, speaking in Iowa, says 'poor kids' are 'just as talented as white kids'
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 13, 2019:
Ah, Uncle Joe, the darling of the Clinton, DLC, Dem establishment leaders who care more about stopping Bernie than winning the next prez election. He will probably be their nominee and, just like Hillary, will be a sure loser in 2020 against Trump. You heard it here first. He is just as out of touch and apathetic about average people as Hillary, just less smooth......
"Are You Pretty Enough For Him?" Matthew Hussey on beauty. I like this guy, he says some very ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 12, 2019:
Objective beauty, as he defines it, is a real issue that does matter a lot to both men and women. The proof of that is which sort of people on dating sites get their messages read, much less replied to. If your pics are not attractive enough, people will swipe away or reject you on that initial fact, no matter what you say in your message or in your profile essay. Having said that, we have had many discussions already on these boards on the concept of leagues and classes of looks, so I will not repeat all of that here, except to tie it to this video by saying that some if not much of the frustration of online dating is the fact that most, if not all, of us, are trying much of the time to date out of our league or class of looks by pursuing people who are too good-looking for us, based on objective beauty. So we get rejected by them because we are below their level of objective beauty. I had a dating and relationship coach take a look at my dating activity on Match and I asked her if I appeared to be trying to date too much out of my league in who I was messaging, etc. She said I was trying to do that some of the time, but not often enough for her to be concerned about it or for it to be that unusual compared to most people. She said that the point is that when you pursue people outside of your level of looks you can never expect a reply, because you will almost never get one. Perceived beauty, as he defines it, will only come into play with online dating after you have already met the other person's standards for objective beauty, which means it will never have a chance unless your photos are already impressive or your beholder has very low or loose standards of objective beauty, both very rare these days. Very few people who shine or have great in person charisma to compensate for their lack of objective beauty will get that chance with online dating. Those people are better off putting their energy and focus into meeting people IRL and dating organically instead of online.
At current rates a federal reserve board study shows that the top 10% will own 100% of the wealth in...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 12, 2019:
In less than 33 years, the US will look like a Mad Max movie and I will be dead, hopefully......
When Black Panthers Carried Guns, Conservatives Supported Gun Control [buzzfeednews.com]
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 12, 2019:
I was alive back then too. The issue of who, as far as racial groups, were allowed to carry guns and own them has always been about who should hold the real power in the society. Nowadays tho, poor whites are deluded enough to think that owning and carrying guns gives them real power in this society when the clear truth is that real power these days in America is about being wealthy, not having guns.
Curious what men here think when a woman describes herself as “about average” on a dating site ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 11, 2019:
I have been on Match for almost two years and the vast majority of female profiles my age describe themselves as " About Average" in the body type category they choose for themselves. I have gotten to the point that I will not bother messaging the woman if she does not include a full body shot photo of herself in the profile pics, because I will not just take someone's word about their body type, nor should they take my word about my body type. We all know damn well that body type matters to almost all people on dating sites, be they male or female. Too bad some will not admit that harsh truth. BTW, you forgot two other options that I believe are still in the Match list of body type categories, namely Curvy and Big And Beautiful, the latter being a euphanism for the most part, at least in my book......As far as your argument about "average" meaning about 10-20 lbs over the medical ideal, that weight is about average body type in my mind, but, as I said, I long ago quit assuming that body type came with the use of that term on dating sites.....

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Agnostic, Atheist, Humanist, Secularist, Freethinker, Spiritual
Open to meeting women
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