Is this a dating site?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

There are only five women my age who are listed as living in my area and one of them has been off the site for several months and another has been gone for over a year. No real options on here until the local pool of members my age doubles or triples. Not likely since no new women my age have joined in the last 12 months.

My ego’s sabotaging my spiritual success My ego’s sabotaging my financial success My ego’s ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Sounds like Daily Affirmations With Stuart Smalley (Al Franken on SNL). " I'm smart enough. I'm good enough. And, doggone, people like me".

To my fellow thinkers, the agnostics: Well, I spent the Xmas holidays with my daughters and ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

I couldn't endure that kind of insanity without heavy use of alcohol and/or street drugs, neither of which I will use. Hopefully you won't need a vacation at the psych ward to recover.

I kind of lost myself this past summer.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 29, 2018:

I haven't done that and never would, but I can understand what motivated you to do that. We all want to feel attractive, wanted, and be with someone. All of that is healthy, at least in my mind and it doesn't by itself make you codependent or dysfunctional. I don't judge you and am glad you learned from this and moved on. I've often heard that your motivations in this are the same as most people who have affairs in a marriage, so you have a lot of company among us flawed humans.

I don't know if it is every state, but come Jan.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 29, 2018:

I had a minor cardiac proceedure done this summer that involved an overnight hospital stay that cost 65K according to the EOB. Imagine what an open heart surgery would cost.

I luv Stevie Nicks. Has anyone seen her or Fleetwood Mac in concert?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 29, 2018:

Late 1970s with Fleetwood Mac.

This comic is 80 years old. Nothing has changed.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 29, 2018:

I believe the saying is "I'll support budget cuts for social programs and infrastructure the day the Pentagon has to hold a bake sale for its weapons programs".

Political affiliation and religious belief

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 29, 2018:

Socialist and Atheist/Agnostic. The Dems don't represent me at all on issues of economics or foreign policy.

Upto No Good

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 29, 2018:

Sounds like a country song, "I go stalking, after midnight.." In all seriousness, don't go that route. Will only drag you down and hold you back from moving on from her, which it sounds like it's time to do. You are being serious here, right, or is this just a joke?

What are your plans for NYE?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 29, 2018:

Probably see a movie if I can find one interesting to see.

Everyone keeps telling me that I need to work on myself first before seeking a relationship.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

If you are seeing a therapist, they can tell you when you're ready. If not, then I would go by when your oldest and closest friends think you are ready. Because in each of those cases, these are the people who know you best.

The dark side of Facebook: finding out what happened to your first/old loves I've heard of a lot of...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

Haven't done it, don't really care. The past is the past. I hope all those from my past are doing well, but if I still cared about them they would probably still be in my real life offline. How they have been and are now doing has no effect on my life, so why would I be interested in looking them up?

Do people actually ever meet and go on dates from this site?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

Yes, but my guess is that in most cases these are LD relationships because in most areas this site does not yet have the numbers to allow much for choices of partners or compatible matches.

2018 is ending soon, have you found love here?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

No and I haven't even met anyone in person yet. This site will need to grow a lot more in numbers of women my age in my area before it will be a realistic option for finding someone to date without doing a LD relationship, which I refuse to attempt.

Could your thoughts make you age faster?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

Have all those thought patterns. Check. I'm doomed. Thanks for sharing this. Ok, come to think of it, I may not have number four, so there may be hope for me?

Look what was in the drive-in lane at my bank in Shawnee, Ok.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

Must be brave and have a budget he or she can spend on regular vandalism costs besides normal vehicle maintainence and repairs because auto insurance would be no help with this.

Where Have All the Music Magazines Gone?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

I used to be a long time subscriber to Rolling Stone, back when it was great and would actually feel excited when each new issue arrived.

You can violate Title IX by asking another student out on a date?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

I am skeptical of the reasoning of anything in The National Review.

Beto O’Rourke Is A FRAUD - YouTube

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

I was cynical about this guy as soon as the Dems began touting him. Not surprised he turned out to be another fraud. I guess I will always be skeptical of new faces in the Dem circle that claim to be progressive after being suckered by John Edwards, the ultimate fraud, back in his time. Better to believe in someone like Bernie or another progressive who's actually been around a long time and has a proven track record on votes and policy.

America needs this wall...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

I don't think we need a wall so much as need the South to want to secede again and this time let them go. It would vastly improve our politics. Or maybe just a wall on the Mason-Dixon line would do the same thing. (some sarcasm involved, consult your owner's manual).

Left Behind by Trump’s Boom: The Rural Americans Who Elected Him

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 27, 2018:

Neither party gives a damn about lower class Americans left behind. The reasons Repubs win votes from rural Americans is twofold: Repubs play to the fears of rural folks about minorities, immigrants, and gays, etc., in other words anybody who's not white and hetero. Second, unlike the Dems, Repubs actually acknowledge the anger of poor whites and give them someone to blame, which the Dems don't do at all. Dems at the national level shy away from anger in campaigns, it seems too uncivil or low class to them and might offend comfortable suburban voters.

What do you think about the connection between those who long to follow rules, who actually feel ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 27, 2018:

They all go hand in hand. Wanting to be told what to do and believe leads to seeking religion and strong authoritarian leaders. People on this site tend to be at least skeptical if not defiant of authority.

Age gaps are not that important -- when young.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 24, 2018:

That's something that really is up to the individual, but I can tell you what seems to be common on the paid dating sites. I'm 12 years younger than you, so I only am aware of the age ranges being used on those sites by men my age, which in most cases in something like 12-15 years younger and 3-5 years older. This sort of younger partner chasing trend understandibly and justifiably upsets most women who would like to date someone their age, but a lot of women my age seem to have responded by going the same route. On this site, Agnostic, it appears that most people do not openly state an age range in their profiles, but I do in mine. I am open to dating as young as 11 years younger than me and 8 years older. The bottom of my age range is not really very meaningful because few women that young would want someone my age, but I include it because I am open to someone that young and younger women, at least in my observation, seem more likely than women older than me or my same age to be fellow hipsters in their entertainment and music tastes. which are important to me. At least that's what I see in my local area. When it comes to women older than me, I am getting to the age that I worry about being widowed again sometime in the next decade if I date someone who is more than 8 years older than me. Once has already been hard enough for me. But if someone was a little older than that and in great health as well as being compatible, I might take the risk. In fifteen months on Match, I have only met women who are in their early to mid-60s, all older than me, which tells me the younger women, for all practical purposes, are a lost cause for me. Maybe not so much for your age, I dunno.

I really don't need say anything here.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 24, 2018:

This sounds a lot like the concepts used in addiction treatment. You can't save someone else. They will change or stop practicing their addiction either when they are ready to do so or when they die, hopefully the former.

Experts: Medicare-For-All Is Viable And Would Save The Gov’t Billions Annually

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 24, 2018:

The last time the Dems really did anything radical on healthcare to help the lower classes was Medicare and Medicaid in the 1960s. Since the 1970s the Dems have been bought off by the health industry lobbies from doing anything that radical again. Plus, in the 1990s the DLC was formed, Dems began getting addicted to corporate money for campaigns and quit caring about the poor or even the middle class on economic issues. They are united with the Repubs in opposing single-payer, Medicare For All or whatever you may want to call it. Some docs are greedheads, some aren't. I've met both kinds as well as some that aren't caring with patients and some that are. I think being a doc has got to be a very tough job and I want someone in it who is both very smart AND caring, but you won't always get both. But considering I have spent my whole life as a taxpayer having to at least partly fund the medical education of docs while all the while in the US I have NEVER been garaunteed health care as a right, I don't have much sympathy for docs who whine about how unfair it would be under single-payer or Medicare For All if they all had to become govt. employees. Where's the justice in having to fund their education if I have no right to use their services unless I can afford to pay? Let them be govt. employees like in the rest of the world, and the greedhead docs will leave the system. Good riddance, because I have met plenty of very smart people in my life who couldn't get into med school AND cared about people. A very kind, friendly doc I got to know a bit called himself a "blue collar doc" because he was a GP or Family Practice doc, not some high paid specialist. He also said that the AMA and its equivalent group for DO docs (non-MD docs) were actually greatly in favor of single-payer healthcare for the US. He said the real opposition is both the politicians in both parties that oppose it and the industry groups that are making so much profit off the 40% of the US healthcare system that is not under Medicare, Medicaid, or Tricare (the VA system).

Loneliness

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 24, 2018:

I'm very grateful I have a few local friends and they can spend some time with me during the holiday season as subs for a family. Not as good as having a partner or even dating someone, but enough to get me by. I have my father that I will visit on X-mas day.

Almost that time of the year again.......

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 24, 2018:

My wife died on Jan. 6th almost two years ago and the sadness and depression over it, along with the usual winter and holiday blues, began weeks ago. I am already dreading the anniversary and will try to make sure I am with people that day. It's always shittier when people die around a holiday, not that it's ever good.

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TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 23, 2018:

This song was in the movie Shallow Hal with Jack Black and Gwenyth Paltrow. Song was connected with Paltrow's character named Rosemary.

Is touch important?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 22, 2018:

I get a theraputic massage once a month and it's worth every penny for my physical and mental health.

“Fascism should more properly be called corporatism, since it is the merger of state and corporate...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 22, 2018:

Quarrel as you like about definitions, but I already think we have fascism here in the US and it's been driven by so-called conservatives or, as Noah Chomsky calls them, radical statists.

The article was authored by a woman, coincidentally: Studies of middle-aged people who had gone ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 22, 2018:

None of those findings surprise me.

Have you ever disliked someone for no reason?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 21, 2018:

Reminds me of the old joke by Bob Dole, the funniest politician I ever heard of and someone I liked a lot, even tho he was a Repub. He was the master of the dry humor and terse jokes. I think he was talking about Phil Gramm of Texas, but the joke went like this. Gramm asked Dole why people seemed to take an instant dislike to Gramm. Dole replied dryly, "Saves time".

It is said that true love never dies.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 21, 2018:

This reminds me of the last six months of my life with my late wife. She had dementia for 5 1/2 years, a lot shorter time than most with dementia, esp. Alzheimer's, which often lasts 10-16 years. She knew who I was until about the last six months, after that I think she knew I was somebody familiar, but not what my name was or my relationship to her. I'm not going to lie and say I saw her everyday because it was too depressing and I couldn't take that. I saw her about every other day and not for more than a couple hours as she slept more and more and was bedridden for the last 5 months. Anyone who's been thru this will think twice about ever saying til death do us part again. I have no interest in getting married again. It about killed me emotionally and I will never get involved again long term with someone who has a family history of dementia. My marriage was worth it, but I won't do it again. I just want a long term partnership with someone compatible. If they get cancer or have a stroke, I can deal with that, but not again with someone losing their mind and who they are. I have a hard time remembering the good times with her instead of feeling haunted by the bad times of her illness, but I still miss her.

The decimation of the middle class continues on schedule Study By MIT Economist: U.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 21, 2018:

Tell me something new. It's been a third world country for a while now with most of its citizens. Just have to look at things on the ground realistically and not with some dopey optimism or wannabee hope of getting rich someday. No wonder the vast majority of those who are living third world in the US don't vote. They know both parties have sold them out on economics. It's not that they are ignorant, it's that they are hopeless and also more realistic about things than the middle class who still votes.

Listening vs hearing

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 21, 2018:

Oh, that's true with anyone craven enough to make it to that position. As LBJ once said about Nixon when someone asked him how he knew Nixon was lying, he said "Because his lips are moving."

BANNING OTHERS IS BAD FORM.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 21, 2018:

Got to agree with Carin. I don't know about banning anyone from the site. Haven't seen anyone act so abusive that I would seek that from the admins., but I have blocked several people already and am glad I have that option. Some people harrass and others are just full of shit. Hence, I block. Spend very little time on FB, so I don't understand your comments about that.

I just feel people are getting emotionless currently.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 21, 2018:

It is, but after seeing the reception you got with your last post of this type, you are a glutton for punishment. And, no I am not being sarcastic or feeling any pleasure in saying this. Some people on this site have empathy and are supportive of those suffering in the dating wars and some are not like that. Post at your own peril. And as for the dating scene, it really does feel like a war sometimes. I guess that's why many years ago I used to read a wonderful dating advice column in the Chicago Tribune. Guess what it was called? Tales From The Front. (As in front lines of the war). And that was even pre-internet when people actually had way more manners than now.

I am 30, and am just now considering using my GI Bill to attend university.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 20, 2018:

No clue at all and glad I'm retired.

Have you met anyone via this app/website?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 20, 2018:

Nobody from here. Messaged four in my local area, two replied, one of them made a lame excuse for not wanting to meet me, the other traded a few PMs and then ghosted me. I'd like to meet someone from here in my local area, but it won't happen until the numbers of women my age in my area get a lot bigger and then maybe someone I find interesting and attractive will give me a chance. Until then Match will have to be my hope.

For all you that thought Beto O’rouke was a potential for President

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 20, 2018:

Glad he's being debunked. We've had more than our share of Trojan Horse Dems like Obama and both Clintons talking like progressives when it suits them, but actually just as much on the side of the oligarchs and corporations as the Repubs. I figured as much about this guy, glad he's being discredited early. I'm not even sure I would trust Warren and I won't trust Bernie either after he caved and backed Clinton.

If I have the intention of dating, should I reveal that I am unemployed, have learning difficulties ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 20, 2018:

I feel all those things are better left for when you actually meet someone, if even then. I also don't feel we owe someone new a medical report before we meet them either. Those things and what you shared should wait until the second or third time you meet. If you shared the things you've mentioned, of course all the women blew you off. No need to help your competition like that.

The Birth of the New American Aristocracy - The Atlantic

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 19, 2018:

This article tells me nothing new. I had already met these aristocrats at the Unitarian church long ago. They were easy to spot with their indifference to social justice issues and economic inequality as well as their strong interest in knowing what your job was and then judging or socially ranking you according to that. Their classism and cliqueishness disgusted me and a friend described them very well by saying they cared nothing for Unitarianism's First Principle of Respecting the inherent worth and dignity of every human being, and that they were just stopping by for the humanism.

I got myself in a situation.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 19, 2018:

Please don't lie to him. Follow the advice of the ladies below and I think you will be fine. As for him, you're not his keeper and you can walk away clean. If you have to drop out of the Meetup group, sometimes that's the price you pay when you get involved with someone from one. But also, sometimes you can return to those groups after the other person has had some time to regroup.

A discussion on a thread tonite has got me curious about the music tastes of the community here.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 19, 2018:

So far country is the next to last place genre, just about what I expected. No surprise there's not a NASCAR group on here either. When I was preparing to set up the categories for the poll, I noticed that while there were several groups for music lovers, each with different genres, there was not one group solely for fans of country music. And there were also no groups for sports fans either, which didn't surprise me either. It's not that I think intellectuals like us hate sports, as I'm sure plenty of us like me played sports and still like them in moderation. But in general, I think intellectuals are just not interested in sports enough to want to discuss them regularly with others like Joe Six-Pack.

Have you ever ghosted anyone?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 19, 2018:

Should have allowed for multiple votes to get more accurate results. Some of us have never ghosted anyone, but have been ghosted ourselves. You didn't allow for that.

Do you listen to religious music?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 19, 2018:

Ya know, I'm very glad I stumbled across this thread because it was very enlightening. I am generally pretty intolerant of music genres that I don't like and don't want to hear them played when I'm around. For example, I can't stand country music and neither could my late wife, so we were pretty compatible on liking most of the same music and disliking all of the same types of music as well for the most part. But one interesting thing is that, while neither of us Agnostics liked religious music anymore and she couldn't stand to hear any religious music, I still liked to hear some of my old vinyl Christian rock albums. I wouldn't play them when she was around out of respect, but I still listen to some of them today. Specifically, the 2nd Chapter Of Acts, and Barry McGuire (during his Christian phase). The thing is, great music and talented performers hold up as moving and impressive even if I do blow off the lyrics these days. The 2nd Chapter were just such outstanding singers and harmonizers while Barry was just so damn emotive with his voice that I still love hearing them. Has anyone else had an experience like this with religious music?

A discussion on a thread tonite has got me curious about the music tastes of the community here.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 19, 2018:

I realize I left out folk music, but if people like it they can just indicate it with by posting a comment. The system limited me to 8 categories.

Books, glorious books!

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 19, 2018:

I really, as a longtime fan of rock music, love to read autobiographies by musicians like Elvis Costello and Bruce Springsteen because they are so smart and articulate as well as musically talented. My fav type of book is one where I can read all the stories behind someone's career and how they ended up writing the great songs I have already grown to love.

Not "just" Friends

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 19, 2018:

Man do I agree about this. When I meet a new person who seems to be a fellow tribe member it renews my will to live.

Do you have any "deal breakers" in potential partners?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 18, 2018:

I've got mine right here in my bio on this site. Don't list them on Match because that crowd is allergic to anything negative being said in a profile. My dealbreakers are, besides someone being religious, obviously: Someone who likes country music. A regular smoker. An alcoholic or workaholic. Political conservative. Must be either middle of the road and not big on politics or else at least liberal. Someone very family-oriented. Someone who is big on watching college or pro sports all season. Sports are ok to watch in moderation, but not something I want to spend most of my time and money on with them for a whole season. If someone's politically liberal, that usually takes care of other dealbreakers like racism or homophobia, sexism, etc. Now everybody can probably see why it's so tough for me, besides my looks, to find someone compatible in a place like Iowa that's so damn religious, family-oriented, sports crazy, conservative, redneck, etc. It could be worse I suppose, like Texas or Alabama.

What is “dating” today and what should it be?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 18, 2018:

Unless you try dating someone from this site, nobody here is ever going to know who you're talking about if you do bash them on here, unless you name them by username. From what I read on here, very few people on this site ever find anyone from here to date. So I don't see all the reason for concern about someone here venting about how they were treated by someone else in the dating game. People who post on here about those experiences are simply wanting to vent and maybe get some advice or feedback from others who have maybe been there. And there's a legit reason for that, because, in my experience, if you try doing all your venting and advice seeking offline with friends who are married and unable to be of much help or empathize, having been out of the game for so long, they will quickly grow tired of listening to you about it.

Sometimes how I feel but then again ,..........

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 18, 2018:

I won't settle for a "clearance price" partner as far as quality, but I do wonder how far away I am from being seen as clearance level by the women on Match in my area. Lots of them in the same boat as me it seems, profiles that have been on there just as long as me that occaisionally come by and view my profile long after they saw it last time, some of whom have even blown off my initial message of interest.

What is the main reason why you are not religious?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 17, 2018:

That's hard to say, it was so long ago that I quit seeing truth or value in religion. I know part of it was Christian/Catholic religion's views at the time on gays, feminism, abortion as well as euthanasia and the glorification of suffering for the sake of eternal reward or improvement of one's character. In the face of those things, it just didn't hold up the way it used to for me. This was in the early 80s. Maybe seeing the rise of the religious right and the Moral Majority along with TV preachers added to my distrust and cynicism. I also saw too much phoniness and hypocrisy at the personal/individual level among believers, but that was just young idealism and being naive because when I got older and started attending Unitarian churches I saw just as much of that. Now I know that's just how many or most humans are, believers or not.

What is the best way to get rid of someone preaching to you?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 17, 2018:

Fake a seizure? They might think you're possessed and run away screaming. Good for a laugh!

What makes you leery about someone?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 17, 2018:

Dishonesty/phoniness. Those who will say anything to be popular or get over on people.

I'm in a strange position.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 17, 2018:

I bet you are talking about either a Unitarian or United Church of Christ church. And yes, most mainline Protestant churches are dying out. The denominations that are growing seem to be Catholic and evangelical, at least in the US.

Do you have to pretend to be religious to fit in?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 17, 2018:

I know there are Atheist/Agnostic men and women who will pretend and attend Christian churches hoping to snag a mate or dating partner, but I think that is deceitful and would never do it. Same thing with joining a Christian or Catholic singles group. Would usually only lead to grief and drama. Have never really tried to pretend or fit in at workplaces and have usually paid a price for it, in one case it was the main reason I was forced out from there. So I would say it is often a real issue for people and not always easy to decide whether to stay in the closet or not when it comes to workplaces. As for the rest of life, it's not as big a deal in my eyes and you should be honest about who you are.

My post in @Sassygirl3869 's group [agnostic.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 17, 2018:

It was filled with such emotional extremes that I don't want to look back on it. I'm amazed so many people get thru it without having a breakdown or causing harm to themselves. I would rather be a young adult again than a teen.

Bill Maher

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 17, 2018:

I thought he was great back when he had his show Politically Incorrect, but after that he's been less and less impressive, so I lost interest. PI was so cool in the variety of views allowed and having guests who were so far away from the echo chamber of corporate news and commentary.

Asking as a huge Bob Dylan freak, but not so much I'm not blind to the fact he's been, with rare but...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 17, 2018:

I'm a Dylan fan too and think he deserved the Nobel but, like you, I get annoyed at all of his fans that won't admit that he's been pretty lame since the early 90s. Can't sing anymore and really couldn't after the early 90s. Can't play the guitar anymore either. He ought to retire, but will probably perform until he dies, which, since he doesn't need the money and people will still come to see him, is his right.

Lol ? Points for honesty

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 17, 2018:

So touching, brings a tear to my eye.... ( sarcasm alert). @ladybug

I say this all the time. Electronically facilitated relationships are still relationships.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 17, 2018:

Internet friendships have their place- a very small one in my life- but real friendships are the ones you call when you either need a ride to the emergency room or someone to call after you've already got there. A friend in need,....

Bwahahahahaha!

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 16, 2018:

That is so sick and funny!

Oscar-nominated actress Sondra Locke dies at 74 - ABC News

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 16, 2018:

So Clint outlived her....

Con Artist Monthly..

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 16, 2018:

Sick and funny. Too true!

Are women less ethical than men?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 16, 2018:

My guess is women are more ethical, but there are many areas of ethics and it would be hard to study and get broad enough data to be meaningful. I think most people vary in how ethically they conduct themselves, more ethically in some areas of their life, less in others.

10 Reasons Why Smart People Have Fewer Friends - YouTube

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 16, 2018:

One of my newest friends is a retired surgeon who seems to be one of the smartest people I've ever known and he seems to have tons of friends. Maybe it's because he has great curiosity about people and things, is funny, kind, and charismatic.

I smoke, I drink, I do drugs does that make me undesirable, unreliable, disloyal, unloving and ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 15, 2018:

You live in the UK, I live in the US, so even tho we are in around the same age, I have no idea what the norms for vices are there. I can say that in the US, for our age range, the vast majority of women do not smoke or do street drugs, but the vast majority of them do drink, at least socially. Glad I could help.

Which is worse in a spouse, one who is very conservative, supportive of Trump, gun rights, lower ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 15, 2018:

I like to be generous in wanting good things for other humans in general, like having affordable housing and healthcare for all, even right-wingers. Same with love and relationships, things all humans need and deserve. So I don't like the premise of these binary choices. At the individual level, some people like Trump, may seem too evil or repulsive to deserve love or relationships, but that's not my call or business. Who's to say right-wingers can't or shouldn't be happy together? What's bad or worse is having someone who doesn't get you and critical, for whatever reason, of who you really are and what you value, whether you or them are right or left, because you probably should not be with them in that case.

People who use "busy" to feign being important.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Used to know a few, not any more. One of us ended up kicking the other to the curb. I hate arrogant, self-deluded types.

Guns: Give them to everyone as a government program.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Many people in the US are, in my mind, too stupid and ignorant to be allowed to vote. But, our laws and tradition say otherwise, so I will abide that. But to add guns for everyone on top of that is just too much and I will never support that. The whole idea smacks of my personal nightmare, a mix of guns, alcohol and rednecks being allowed to carry firearms in bars....... Editted; yeah, you got me and others on this. Nice joke.

Maybe you fine people can explain something to me.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Just been there. Met for coffee last Sat.. Talked for 2 1/2 hours, seemed to go well. Told her in person that I would like to see her again and would e-mail her thru Match and wait to hear from her. Got home and did so that evening. She didn't read the e-mail til Thur. and still hasn't replied. Yup, the big brush off. I wish I had advice, but I'm just as clueless and in the same boat. People love their games, as the commenter below said. What's worse is the two times before in the last six months that I've been stood up by women from Match when I was supposed to meet them. It's not that hard to just send an e-mail and say "I've changed my mind and I don't want to meet/see you." Some people will not fess up about their feelings unless you just come out and confront them, like you did her, and then you might get the truth, as you did. To me, the confrontation is worth it because it saved you from her endlessly giving you excuses. In my case, the first of the two women who stood me up later admitted to me thru e-mail that she just wasn't interested in dating me as more than a friend, but she didn't say that was why she failed to show up that time. Didn't really matter what the reason was for her no-show, I told her I was done and that was it, since my friends have never done that to me in my life. But she never would have come out with how she wasn't that interested in me if I hadn't confronted her.

I've never worked at Walmart, nor personally known anyone who who works or has worked there; but one...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 15, 2018:

All retail workers will eventually be replaced by automation as retail stores empty out to only carry about 15% of their inventory and sell all the rest online, but Wal-Mart is the worst. I'm still not well off enough to avoid shopping there at all, but I really try to avoid going in there because it's so depressing. I've never visited a prison, just seen people do it in movies and TV, but going into Wal-Mart feels like visiting people in prison as I imagine it would be as well as what I have heard it's like, people who don't want to be there, hate it, and have lost all hope in their lives.

Which Values are Most Important to you?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Empathy, because when people have it kindness and compassion flow from it. And because there is such a critical shortage of it as narcissism becomes more and more the predominant personality type.

[aish.com] 4 Ways to Eliminate Negative Dating Beliefs

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 15, 2018:

It's crap.

What three things do you like about yourself?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 15, 2018:

I tell the truth, I live by my principles, and make a good, loyal friend.

Has anyone else done this?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Tried it once when I was a lot younger, could get dates most of the time when I tried, and still had some hair on my head. Still didn't work, so no way I'd try it now. Back then I ended up selling the extra ticket to a guy that I sat next to that was ok to talk to at the show.

Some folks are just plain lazy.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 15, 2018:

True story. In my final job before recent retirement, I drove a small school bus for a route that had only homeless kids that were either staying in shelters or with relatives in a nearby city while attending school in my city. One day I was stopped at a traffic light where a pretty convincing-looking homeless guy was begging from vehicles.A couple of middle school kids on my bus actually started making fun of this guy and against my orders, lowered their windows and dropped a couple dollars out the window for their amusement of watching him scramble to pick up the cash. I pointed out to them that they had no room to be making fun of someone for being homeless and one of them actually got away with complaining that I insulted him by pointing out that he was homeless. PC gone mad and in this case the kid was merely using it as a weapon to get me in trouble as his feelings were not hurt and he thought the whole thing was funny. These were coincidentally poor Hispanic kids who were doing this. Yes, these nimrod kids were too young to maybe know what jerks they were being, but since their behavior in this case was pretty normal for them, it was one of the last straws before I quit, since I could not get any of them disciplined for behavior or transfer myself off the route even with all my seniority( the management wanted to force me out and this was their method). I'd had enough bullshit from the kids, the schools, and management that I retired to get away from the stress. The schools and bus company would never suspend or kick them off the bus because they were poor, minority, and homeless, but the kids knew this so they could act as they pleased. It became abusive, not having a monitor on the bus to deal with them for me. Point of rant is: Sometimes both the homeless and those who judge them are pretty clueless about themselves and others, displaying huge deficits in insight or empathy.

So let's take a look at your qualifications.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 15, 2018:

So many openings for the MIchael Scott (The Office) line "That's what she said", I just couldn't resist!

OK men.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 14, 2018:

You're a man. Who are you asking for?

I want peace ✌✌✌

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 14, 2018:

As a obvious John Lennon type character once said on Monty Python, "I'd like to start a war for peace".

I found this card earlier in the year and found it hilarious but because of the breakdown in my ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 14, 2018:

I've seen that card before and love it. No, I've never censored my online content for offline reasons because my online involvement is so limited anyway.

Ghosting is a term normally reserved for relationships.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 14, 2018:

Considering how most employers treat workers and job seekers these days, I say good for them if employers are now being ghosted. Payback's a bitch! Just ask Deiter about this subject. As far as personal, non-work relationships, that's another subject, which seems to get debated on this site weekly.

It bothers me when I see or hear an atheist or agnostic using the cliché "passed away.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 13, 2018:

I stubbornly insist on using the term died, since I hate euphanisms and weasel words. Plus, I enjoy how much it makes so-called polite people( who would prefer I conform with modern terminology and say "passed" or "passed away" ) uncomfortable. Lets them know I believe that this life is all we have.

Did anyone ever see Janis? Still no Woodstock attendees?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 13, 2018:

My late wife was there and told me all about it. Wish I had seen her perform live.

Name One Thing You Want in Your Life in 2019.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 13, 2018:

Begin travelling again and hopefully have a partner to enjoy that with.

How long did your longest relationship last? And why did it end?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 12, 2018:

21 years. She died of dementia.

I hear a lot of people talk about forgiveness making them feel better.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 11, 2018:

My younger sister did a no-show, no notification with my late wife's memorial service, while the rest of my immediate family showed up. She also never explained or apologized for it later even after I confronted her. I will never forgive or forget that, as it was not only disrespect to me and my wife, it also embarrassed my family, since everybody at the service noticed her conspicous absence and many commented about it to me. I may be estranged from my family, but I recognize the importance of such occaisons and respect them enough to show up and show appropriate loyalty to the family.

Wow! Dating religious people is a pain in the ass.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 10, 2018:

I don't know why one of us would knowingly date a believer if it was online dating or we had some other way at the start to know if they were religious. Anytime I see a profile essay that mentions God or faith I just skip on. Same thing if they have something in there about how big family is to them, how close they are to their family, kids, grandkids, etc., because that is info that tells me they would not be a match for me. Why waste time or be extra frustrated if the data is already there?

I am so, so tired of this: ".

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 10, 2018:

Keith- LiterateHiker pretty well covered it, but two things stand out to me-not saying I have tons of room to talk on this any more than you but- One, rejecting over 40% of the women as ugly seems a little too harsh and limited for a guy who's not outstanding looking. Guys in or around average need to be more flexible than that. Second, much of your essay, no matter how true it is, comes off as bragging. I've heard most women don't like that style. Having said all that, you seem like a pretty interesting, smart, cool guy. I wish you better luck than me. For an atheist, trying to date in OK must literally be hell...

It was 38 years ago tonight.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 9, 2018:

I was a college undergrad doing laundry in my apartment building when my brother called me with the news. I wasn't listening to the radio, but I heard many years later that a public radio DJ here in Iowa actually cried on the air (for the only time in his life) when he broke the news on his evening music show that night. So, every year around the time of this event, I sing Empty Garden as well as one Lennon song at karaoke. "What happened here, as the New York sunset disappeared....".

Some very important truths here :-) [youtube.com]

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 9, 2018:

Sad, but true. People all fit into classes of looks, at least in my mind. No different than economic classes. And the truth that he is expressing seems to be borne out in my observations of how people couple up in our society. With rare exceptions, people choose or seem to end up with someone who is either in their class or one class up, rarely see a couple where one is much better-looking than the other. When I first started with online dating, I would often try messaging women whose looks were two classes of looks better than mine because they also had profiles I liked and seemed to have a lot in common with me. Nowadays, I don't even bother messaging women with that level of looks, even if their profile seems compatible and interesting. Why the change? Because the women in that looks class have either never replied to my messages or when they (rarely) did, they said they weren't interested, sometimes with some reason or excuse that seemed lame or false, sometimes with no reason given. As they say in boxing, I've decided to stay within either my own weight class or at most one class higher.

One last Agnostic thought before I turn in:

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 9, 2018:

Ah, Homer Simpson, the idiot sage of wisdom. "Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all our problems....".

I came a long way to see her.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 9, 2018:

I own a DVD of that movie, which is my favorite rock film. I agree with how that movie makes you want to dance with it. The other rock film that does that for me is the film version of Hair.

How much should you sleep? Napping, fatigue, and oversleeping

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 9, 2018:

I sleep too much and I know it's not good for me, since I already have heart issues, but it's from a combination of boredom and depression. I am trying to gradually cut down and at the same time begin exercising everyday like I used to.

I had a hell of a scare tonight.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 9, 2018:

I'm glad the cat is ok and didn't suffer. I suppose burnt fur didn't smell too good.

If A Woman is Always Right Why Do They Keep Picking The Wrong Men? Is This Insulting?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 8, 2018:

Same reasons men pick the wrong partners. First, there's not seeing the red flags or being too inexperienced with relationships to know who's right for them. Later on, the only reason might be hope or lust over experience.

People who are currently living with a partner or have done so in the past, how did you manage the ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 8, 2018:

50/50 and kept separate accounts, investments. Also had a prenup before the marriage.

What do you turn to in times of sadness?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 8, 2018:

I try to use music, listening to it and going to sing at karaoke shows once or twice a week. One of the shows has a couple karaoke friends I can hang with. Singing helps me release emotions in a healthy way and gives me enjoyment. Excercise is also good. Spending time with friends is always good. I have one friend that likes to see movies about once a week. Went to hear free live music last night on my birthday. Was a great way to celebrate it.

I'm curious how much of the membership here feels about the unsettling future awaiting us in both ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 4, 2018:

Thanks for your comments. I agree with a couple of you about what happens in the meantime. Which is more unemployed people chasing fewer jobs which become increasingly part-time and no benefits, ie. Wal-Mart, convenience store, and McDonald's, until those all become automated. Soylent Green, here we come......It's also interesting that the UBI idea seems to have appeal on this site to both lefties and righties.