Had a date tonight with a significantly younger man.

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 27, 2019:

I had my only LTR with my late wife who was 16 years older than me. We were together 22 years, married for 20. It was the best years of my adult life. Neither of us had kids or were very close to our families. We liked most of the same things and had a very healthy balance of friends and time ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Apr 1, 2019:

@Stephanie99 Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I certainly don't compare other women all the time to my late wife, but it seems like many women don't want to date a widower if they have not had that experience because they seem to cynically assume that the man is either not over his loss or else will be comparing women to his dead wife and not give them a fair chance, so they choose to date divorced men instead. But if the man waits too long to date after being widowed, his skills get rusty. For all practical purposes, I have been widowed for five years as my late wife had lost her mind and personality about three years before she died two years ago, so I have been more than ready to date after she died, but that's not how most women who aren't widowed see it, which is very frustrating to not be given a chance. I notice differences and similarities between her and other women, but I don't comment on it to them. If someone is defensive towards the other sex, they can always find faults with how someone else copes with their loss or their approach to dating.....

After dinner pets with Mazie.

dalefvictor comments on Mar 31, 2019:

She looks like a big girl, just like our Lilly.

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 31, 2019:

@Kynlei She looks way bigger than that, like a fat and sassy wondercat..

Love and Relationships

Cast1es comments on Mar 27, 2019:

This was advertised as a dating site . Although some say they are here for community only , most are interested in meeting others for dating .

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 27, 2019:

The more I look around the discussion boards, the more I think there are lots of members who say they are here only for community, but are actually interested in dating-whether it's other members of this site or from paid dating site- except they don't come out and say so since they have had little luck or lost most of their hope. No one wants to look sad or rejected to others.

Had a date tonight with a significantly younger man.

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 27, 2019:

I had my only LTR with my late wife who was 16 years older than me. We were together 22 years, married for 20. It was the best years of my adult life. Neither of us had kids or were very close to our families. We liked most of the same things and had a very healthy balance of friends and time ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 27, 2019:

@FrayedBear That's my feeling too and I said that above. Thanks for the validation.

Had a date tonight with a significantly younger man.

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 27, 2019:

I had my only LTR with my late wife who was 16 years older than me. We were together 22 years, married for 20. It was the best years of my adult life. Neither of us had kids or were very close to our families. We liked most of the same things and had a very healthy balance of friends and time ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 27, 2019:

@UUNJ True. When I read profiles on Match and also when I have traded e-mails with women on Match, it seems like most women my age, whether divorced or widowed, seem to be staying alone for a long time, usually several years, before they try dating again. Another frustrating issue.

Had a date tonight with a significantly younger man.

CaroleKay comments on Mar 27, 2019:

Although they have a lot of energy and they are fun in bed, I find they act young and I end up having little in common in the long run. my last BF was younger. Everyone is different but there's a new breed on dating sites, I'm finding, that know older women are usually dateless around 50-60 and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 27, 2019:

@CaroleKay I think you are different and a rare breed. Most other women that age group in my area, not so much.. I don't think the 50-somethings I'm talking about are lacking at all in confidence or self-esteem..They just have different interests and priorities than me as far as dating and relationships.

Had a date tonight with a significantly younger man.

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 27, 2019:

I had my only LTR with my late wife who was 16 years older than me. We were together 22 years, married for 20. It was the best years of my adult life. Neither of us had kids or were very close to our families. We liked most of the same things and had a very healthy balance of friends and time ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 27, 2019:

@sweetcharlotte Time is running short. I don't put limits on dating women who are divorced rather than widowed. I just realize that the divorced ones are less likely to be interested in me than ones who are widowed, plus the widowed ones are less likely to be bitter and/or cynical about men than widowed ones. Hence my greater interest in them over the divorced ones. That's all I'm trying to say..

Are women aware of being played by a charming, subtle flirt?

Julie808 comments on Mar 26, 2019:

We're aware and know not to take obvious flirts seriously, but it's the subtle flirts who slip under the radar sometimes. Those can fool us if subtle enough. Would be nice if the flirtatious dude's friend could tip a gal off if he sees her being taken in by someone with dubious intentions. I ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 27, 2019:

@Hominid Yup, he's an ass... I just wish women could spot guys like that as easy as guys like you and me can, but then again they don't see him without the mask or act on....

Had a date tonight with a significantly younger man.

CaroleKay comments on Mar 27, 2019:

Although they have a lot of energy and they are fun in bed, I find they act young and I end up having little in common in the long run. my last BF was younger. Everyone is different but there's a new breed on dating sites, I'm finding, that know older women are usually dateless around 50-60 and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 27, 2019:

@CaroleKay I also think that for many of these women in their 50s that I mentioned, their goal is really not an LTR or even more than a FWB, and that's another reason they are not interested in dating men who are more than a few years older, because the older guys actually want a relationship, while these women have raised their kids, gotten divorced, have just gotten an empty nest, and are now wanting to just have sex and play for a while with much younger men while they still are young enough to do so and have their looks. They can always do relationships later after they have played a while. At least that's my theory of what's going on coupled with what several women that age have told me.

Had a date tonight with a significantly younger man.

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 27, 2019:

I had my only LTR with my late wife who was 16 years older than me. We were together 22 years, married for 20. It was the best years of my adult life. Neither of us had kids or were very close to our families. We liked most of the same things and had a very healthy balance of friends and time ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 27, 2019:

@sweetcharlotte Thank you for the compliment. Too bad my story doesn't seem to impress many women my age in my area on Match. Another problem is right now I'm a little young for most of the women who are widowed in my area. Divorced women make up about 80% of the women my age on Match and even tho I would prefer to date a fellow widowed person, there just aren't enough of them to give me many prospects. Plus, it seems like most women my age who are divorced indicate in their profile that they want a man who is also divorced, like them. Why they don't want to give a widowed man a chance even tho he's never been divorced seems a little weird to me, but maybe they are just more concerned with having that shared experience with someone than considering that a widowed man might still have enough empathy to understand them. Especially since in many cases there are good reasons a man got divorced, as in things being wrong with him, but I guess some women like defying Einstein's quote about insanity, ie. dating fellow divorced people and hoping to get different results next time. My point is, some people prefer the familiar over someone different that might have a better track record and be more capable of doing relationships. Gets very frustrating to not be given a chance....

Had a date tonight with a significantly younger man.

CaroleKay comments on Mar 27, 2019:

Although they have a lot of energy and they are fun in bed, I find they act young and I end up having little in common in the long run. my last BF was younger. Everyone is different but there's a new breed on dating sites, I'm finding, that know older women are usually dateless around 50-60 and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 27, 2019:

You're absolutely right CK. I rarely even bother messaging any women on Match who are more than a few years younger than me because almost all the women who are 52-55 (I am 60) designate in their profiles that they will not date anyone more than a few years older than them. There are men my age willing to date the women you are mentioning, but so far the only women on Match who were compatible and interested in meeting me have been women who were in their early to mid-60s, probably because, unlike the women several years younger than them, they realize that the younger men in their 40s won't date them, so they are willing to date men their own age.

Are women aware of being played by a charming, subtle flirt?

Julie808 comments on Mar 26, 2019:

We're aware and know not to take obvious flirts seriously, but it's the subtle flirts who slip under the radar sometimes. Those can fool us if subtle enough. Would be nice if the flirtatious dude's friend could tip a gal off if he sees her being taken in by someone with dubious intentions. I ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 26, 2019:

Your suspicion is correct, most men will not cross a male friend to tip off a stranger about their own friend's behavior. Of course it goes both ways. How many women would tip off a male stranger about the dishonest behavior of their female friend? The continued friendship always matters more to most people, at least until the dishonest person burns them enough times. Personally, I don't maintain friendships with people that have that kind of character. Because of this dynamic, we are on our own when we date a stranger that has no mutual friends with us so we need to beware of their intentions for ourselves. That is why some people will not date someone that does not share any mutual friends that can be a reference.

Are women aware of being played by a charming, subtle flirt?

UUNJ comments on Mar 25, 2019:

Depends on the woman. Why anyone would want to be a manipulative player is the real question.

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 26, 2019:

My guess is that they only want him until they see his true self or wake up to knowing they are being played.

Sometimes we have to go through something difficult.

vnufall comments on Mar 25, 2019:

I think people think they will go on a dating site and find a soulmate immediately or very soon. Finding a soulmate might be a once in a lifetime event. Better to make friends, take your time.I have found male widowers want a replacement for their wife, well maybe it works for them but I'm not his ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 25, 2019:

@vnufall I agree with that approach, it should only be after dating him a while, say, a few months at least if it ends up happening at all. We both live in the Midwest, but I live in Iowa and unfortunately here it seems to be all about family with the women who grew up here. That is why I am hoping to meet a woman who, like my late wife, is a transplant who grew up somewhere else like either coast. I seem to relate better to both men and women who are transplants than native Iowans. Probably because I share their values and outlook more than I do the natives.

Sometimes we have to go through something difficult.

vnufall comments on Mar 25, 2019:

I think people think they will go on a dating site and find a soulmate immediately or very soon. Finding a soulmate might be a once in a lifetime event. Better to make friends, take your time.I have found male widowers want a replacement for their wife, well maybe it works for them but I'm not his ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 25, 2019:

I'm a male widower and I don't want a replacement of my late wife. But I do want someone with the some of the same qualities of personality. Namely, strong and independent, smart, funny, and curious. Also someone who has a healthy balance in their life of family, friends, and time for a couples relationship. That last one seems to be the really rare one in my area where the women seem to want to spend the vast majority of their time with their family and the man tagging along as the escort.

NOT SARCASM, GENUINELY CURIOUS: Reading through the posts here it has been suggested by some to rate...

Sticks48 comments on Mar 22, 2019:

I don't understand what you are talking about.

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 22, 2019:

@demifeministgal It's your post, your thread. Who else should I have questioned? Learn some manners.

NOT SARCASM, GENUINELY CURIOUS: Reading through the posts here it has been suggested by some to rate...

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 22, 2019:

I think I know what you are asking, but I don't want all the drama it would cause if I answered you here on the boards. If you are truly interested in rating yourself or getting a rating from others so you can try to only pursue those at your own level or rating for looks, PM me and I will try to ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 22, 2019:

@demifeministgal I'm not interested in discussing further with you. I think you are looking for a fight or someone to embarrass.

NOT SARCASM, GENUINELY CURIOUS: Reading through the posts here it has been suggested by some to rate...

Sticks48 comments on Mar 22, 2019:

I don't understand what you are talking about.

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 22, 2019:

@demifeministgal Speak plainly using words or bother someone else.

NOT SARCASM, GENUINELY CURIOUS: Reading through the posts here it has been suggested by some to rate...

Sticks48 comments on Mar 22, 2019:

I don't understand what you are talking about.

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 22, 2019:

@demifeministgal Still don't get it. I am probably way older than you and snark is not my first language. Speak plainly or don't bother chatting with me. The only emoji displayed on this thread so far is the one you just posted, which is different that what you described.

NOT SARCASM, GENUINELY CURIOUS: Reading through the posts here it has been suggested by some to rate...

Sticks48 comments on Mar 22, 2019:

I don't understand what you are talking about.

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 22, 2019:

@demifeministgal What is XD? I'm interested to see what you come up with on that point.

I have been having to style my hair in a 1962 middle aged matronly hairdo while playing Benjamin's ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 20, 2019:

Could you say some things about how the stage version differs from the well known movie version? I know that in the film version Ben's parents didn't have that much screen time, maybe about three scenes or so. From how you describe the hairstyle, it reminds me of Tammy Fae Bakker, or some other ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 21, 2019:

@Deb57 That's kind of what I thought. My favorite part was the ending of the movie. What would the two of them do once they got off the bus? Where would they go and what would they do with their lives?

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

Rustee comments on Mar 21, 2019:

I cannot imagine being so rude as to stand up a date, and then to lie about it, or act as if it was "no big deal", or be put out because you did not remind her. Huh? Certainly not your job to be the vocal calendar. It *is* a big deal to be where you say you are going to be, and that is simply a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 21, 2019:

Thank you Rustee. Keeping my word is a big deal to me as well as you, but we are the minority these days. Apparently most people only believe in keeping their word or their agreements as long as there seems to be more in it for them to do so than to not do so. So as soon as they decide to change their mind, they believe they owe others nothing and don't give a damn if they look bad to others. It's all about self-gratification and self interest, not principles or integrity. That's for chumps according to their value system. What's galling and ironic is how many people bitch about how politicians have no principles or integrity and then hypocritically act this way in their own personal dealings in the dating game where they actually have a little power to use with others and yet they end up acting the same way as the pols they condemn. Just goes to show that you never really know a person's real character and values until they get the chance to have some power with other people and show how they use it when they have the opportunity to be tempted to be dishonest or abuse their power. Until then you don't know who they really are, all you have is their words about what they believe or value, which usually mean nothing......

Does anyone ever feel like they will never find that one person who just gets them?

MsHoliday comments on Mar 20, 2019:

After my husband died I thought I’d have no problem finding another someone to love and love me. it maybe that the area I live is filled with religious conservatives so I never clicked with the men here. Stopped looking a few years ago.

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 20, 2019:

I'm widowed also, two years ago, but I haven't given up looking even tho I am very discouraged. Like you, I thought that after my wife died that with my track record of no divorces or failed relationships, just the long marriage ending in death, that women on dating sites would be impressed and I would have little trouble finding someone to be with. But that was very ignorant and naive of me because not only is that not how online dating works, because the process is so superficial and impersonal, but also that women in online dating don't care, for the most part, about your relationship track record in who they want to date. What they seem to care more about is looks, money and how high status your job is. Of course this goes both ways as men seem to only care about looks with women. I don't click with 97% of the women in my area because I'm not family-oriented, am not religious, don't like country music, and don't care about college sports or drink.

What's an album you would recommend everyone listen to once in their lifetime?

Davekp comments on Mar 19, 2019:

David Live.. An album recorded in 1972 at The Tower in Philadelphia Superb vocals

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 19, 2019:

You might specify that this is David Bowie. Some might not know who you were talking about. I concur that it's a great album.

I haven’t seen anything here about Alabama being the first state to introduce Sharia law.

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 18, 2019:

The more I look at the white nationalists in the Repub party, the more I see them as a mirror of the Islamic extremists, like the Taliban, Al-Queda, and ISIS. Reminds me a lot of what Carl Jung, the great psychologist said about the shadow self, in which individuals end up hating others that ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 19, 2019:

@bingst Where each group fits into Jung's concept is that they are each in denial of how they are the same.

I haven’t seen anything here about Alabama being the first state to introduce Sharia law.

mzbehavin comments on Mar 18, 2019:

They mimic anyone in order to control females.

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 19, 2019:

Bingo, that is what both groups are really about....

Are we going to allow Far-right apologists or possibly even agitators a forum here? Or?

Athena comments on Mar 18, 2019:

I believe in free speech and that everyone should have a voice. Mostly because, if there's an asshole nearby, I want to know.

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 19, 2019:

Good point. Maybe not on Agnostic, but in the larger world, I like to know what the opponents of my politics are saying and up to....Know thy enemy.....

Rep. Steve King shares violent meme about Civil War

AtheistReader comments on Mar 18, 2019:

What I want to know is how a shithead like him gets elected?

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

See above.

Rep. Steve King shares violent meme about Civil War

gigihein comments on Mar 18, 2019:

un effin believable. I guess the good news is the new potus has legitimized being proud to be an asshole. How did he get elected?

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

See above.

I was only one when Woodstock happened.

aahouck49 comments on Mar 18, 2019:

Only one year old, my ex-husband was there, it was as crowded as THE MAYFLOWER, but he was there, me I was at Union Grove, the same weather conditions, there were at least 20,000 of us there that week-end! Joe Cocker, man did I love that man, that song! As a retired teacher, Pink Floyds, TEACHERS ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

I like your spirit Amelia. Have you seen the TV series that seems to draw on The Big Lebowski, Lodge 49? I think it's pretty good. I try to live by the spirit of The Dude, taking it as easy as possible, seeing life as gutters and strikes, trying to ABIDE.....

Has profanity become the normal way to communicate?

NorCalFreethinker comments on Mar 18, 2019:

I use it all the time in certain situations. I was in sales for 30 years and never cursed in front of customers. As soon as the place was empty the language turned to profanity for most in the store. My father used to say that people that speak like that lacked intelligence. According to all recent ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

@NorCalFreethinker My old friend was a career computer salesman who sold to lumberyards.

Has profanity become the normal way to communicate?

NorCalFreethinker comments on Mar 18, 2019:

I use it all the time in certain situations. I was in sales for 30 years and never cursed in front of customers. As soon as the place was empty the language turned to profanity for most in the store. My father used to say that people that speak like that lacked intelligence. According to all recent ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

You worked in sales for 30 years? Have you ever seen Glengarry Glen Ross? Talk about F-speak among the salesmen when there are no customers around.......I knew a salesman a long time ago and the show sure seemed realistic to me. Now with your comment I've even more sure of that..

Has profanity become the normal way to communicate?

HippieChick58 comments on Mar 18, 2019:

It is not acceptable in a business office, so in my little corner of the world it is not acceptable. However, get me in traffic and.....

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

@JackPedigo To each their own.....

Has profanity become the normal way to communicate?

VineetHonkan comments on Mar 18, 2019:

it has seeped into everything...there was a funny line from the old 90s movie CB4 where the record exec asked the trio if they cuss on their records...I found that to be funny...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

@VineetHonkan I'm 60 yo but on many pop culture things I am admittedly an out of touch old fart....

Has profanity become the normal way to communicate?

Robecology comments on Mar 18, 2019:

Sorry; Profanity's not my thing. I learned young to disrespect those who use it... https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/157562/when-and-from-whom-did-the-quotation-vulgarity-is-the-effort-of-a-weak-mind-to

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

@Robecology Well played sir.....

Has profanity become the normal way to communicate?

HippieChick58 comments on Mar 18, 2019:

It is not acceptable in a business office, so in my little corner of the world it is not acceptable. However, get me in traffic and.....

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

I'm unable to drive comfortably without using one of my middle fingers occasionally.....would be almost as bad as not having turn signals.....I have the restraint when I need to exercise it, such as driving a school bus for seven years without ever cursing around the kids or using my middle finger behind the wheel. But sometimes it is so exhausting to restrain.......

Has profanity become the normal way to communicate?

VineetHonkan comments on Mar 18, 2019:

it has seeped into everything...there was a funny line from the old 90s movie CB4 where the record exec asked the trio if they cuss on their records...I found that to be funny...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

Which movie is CB4?

What does the “H.” in “Jesus H. Christ” stand for?

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 18, 2019:

I don't know. I've just always enjoyed using the expression "Jesus H. Christ on a goddamned crutch!" as a way to express my ultimate disgust and feeling flabbergasted at some absurd situation....

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

@Zoohome I have heard and also used that variation myself, as in Jesus F-ing Christ.... I prefer the H. most of the time since it is less vulgar.

Has profanity become the normal way to communicate?

Robecology comments on Mar 18, 2019:

Sorry; Profanity's not my thing. I learned young to disrespect those who use it... https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/157562/when-and-from-whom-did-the-quotation-vulgarity-is-the-effort-of-a-weak-mind-to

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

@Robecology Back at ya! Nice wordplay on the Cork-Soaking Sock-tucker. I remember the SNL parody of The Exorcist with Richard Pryor playing a young priest and the writers cleverly reworded the demon's taunt to him as " Your mother sews socks that smell..".

Has profanity become the normal way to communicate?

Robecology comments on Mar 18, 2019:

Sorry; Profanity's not my thing. I learned young to disrespect those who use it... https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/157562/when-and-from-whom-did-the-quotation-vulgarity-is-the-effort-of-a-weak-mind-to

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

@Robecology All I have to say to you is F-you, Rob, lol!

Has profanity become the normal way to communicate?

slydr68 comments on Mar 18, 2019:

The F word is an amazing word...it can be conjugated to perform the task of ANY part of speech. Plus, studies have shown that people who curse are more intelligent...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

There, I knew that something about me showed I had above average intelligence, lol....

New high score!

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 18, 2019:

Fat and sassy!

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

@Cast1es Nor should any feline king or queen be. I've never met one that was apologetic about it. They never tire of being fed.

What does the “H.” in “Jesus H. Christ” stand for?

CaroleKay comments on Mar 18, 2019:

*Hell on wheels*

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

My late wife and I used to attend a Unitarian church in Ames, Iowa where she had been a member of a cycling group the church had. What was its name? Hell On Wheels, of course...

Well, after some discussions with the lead artist, my boss chose to fire me instead of getting rid ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 18, 2019:

The few times I was forced out of a job it was the same story each time. Namely that the workplace was dysfunctional and that the way management dealt with conflict in the workplace was to get rid of the person who was speaking up about the problems and was the newest person there rather than deal ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

@kasmian For reasons that never seemed clear to me, managers usually won't get rid of bullies or toxic people in a workplace when it's so much easier to get rid of the new person who points out what's wrong or gets targeted by the bully. Maybe the bullies and toxic people have some close connection to management or serve a useful purpose for the manager, but either way you usually can't win in places like that once the conflict starts....

This is directly from Quora: How much does Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez know about economics in the ...

David1955 comments on Mar 18, 2019:

She's on the young side, and learning, and finding her place in the cutthroat world of politics, and she might make mistakes sometimes. But she's smart, a quick study and confident, and most of all she driven by idealism, not idealism in a vacuum, but idealism that needs to be translated into real ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

You're right. Look what the TPTB have done to Ralph Nader over the years. First, they try to discredit or ridicule you, as they did with Ralph, if they can't buy you off. Nader couldn't be bought, but the establishment successfully labelled him as a kook who opposed American prosperity and most Americans bought it. It that doesn't work, they will threaten you or kill you, as they did with MLK. My fear is that if AOC lasts until she is 35 and runs for prez, they will resort to the last option because I don't see the earlier tactics working with her.

Illusion of Choice: 1500 Newspapers, 1100 Magazines, 1500 TV Stations, 9000 Radio Stations, and ...

indirect76 comments on Mar 18, 2019:

That’s only true if 100% of people watch network TV, listen to radio and read newspapers/magazines/books. There’s a new thing called the internet where a lot of people get their content these days.

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

True, and that's why the corporate media wants to eliminate net neutrality so they can have the same kind of control over the net as they do other mass media.

In a paragraph describe yourself, your passions and what you’re looking for in a partner, but also...

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 18, 2019:

Doesn't talk about or identify as being family-oriented, has several or more common interests with me, doesn't talk about how they enjoy social drinking, doesn't list a lot of outdoor activities, doesn't talk about how much they love college sports, doesn't identify as religious, doesn't mention ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

@Sacrilege Because, like many or most people on Agnostic, I am mostly estranged from my family. I have no children, by choice, and my late wife and I were very happy with a healthy balance of friends and each other to spend our time with. My family is mostly a toxic group of people who were never very supportive or understanding of me during my adult life, so I replaced them with friends, most of whom I have known over 25 years, during my adult life. In my local area of Iowa, family is worshiped almost like God or religion. The vast majority of women on my paid dating site say in their profiles that they are very family-oriented, "family is everything to me, I love my family, my family is very close to me, etc.". I don't bother messaging those women as they are clearly of a different experience and mindset than me. Also, it seems clear that these women are making these statements to let men know that they are more interested, at least until they get to know the man and are "won over" by him, in spending time with their family than with a dating partner. I want someone who is more couple oriented than family oriented and thus is on a dating site to find someone to spend most of, not the minority of their time with, in relation to their family. It seems like most women in my area are on a dating site to seek a man that would gladly spend most of their time together as an escort for the woman to take on visits to their family rather than have a healthy balance of spending time with friends, family, and couple time with just the man they are dating. I won't settle for less than that. I had that in my marriage and I want it again.

Too young:

Pralina1 comments on Mar 18, 2019:

What's a SAT ?

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

@Sticks48 I was already aware of that acronym. Are you sure that's how it was being used here?

Too young:

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 18, 2019:

What is an SAT?

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

@Arouet None of us are losers for not knowing. I'm just honest and curious. I don't spend much time online except for Agnostic, so I'm always behind in learning the latest hip terms..

Wedding vows. Are atheists vows stronger than religious vows?

Deb57 comments on Mar 17, 2019:

The vows are as strong as the resolve of the people making them. I don't think religion has much bearing on that.

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 18, 2019:

Exactly. Integrity, fidelity, and loyalty are either there or absent in a person, regardless of whether religion is involved or not.

After 5 years of withdrawal from life (after the death of my husband) I decided to try online ...

EyesThatSmile comments on Mar 15, 2019:

Not only do they list that they want younger women...they also list that they want the woman to be thin or petite. Although I am not overweight, I take offense to men who are that rude and shallow (and I keep looking).

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

@DevraisA1 I have seen some men, and women too, that are heavy that still move very well and lightly on the dance floor. It's all in the technique.

I have a close friend in my professional field whose intellect and wit are sexy to me, and we can ...

EyesThatSmile comments on Mar 15, 2019:

Yes. It has happened to me. Most definitely. The sparks were a total surprise. A New Year’s kiss from a long-time friend of the family. Absolutely NO previous interest.

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

You are the exception that proves the rule, as they say.....

I have a close friend in my professional field whose intellect and wit are sexy to me, and we can ...

Deiter comments on Mar 15, 2019:

What does that mean, *physical chemistry*? Do you mean you don't find him visually appealing? By the above it sounds like what you're saying is that he should be sexy on paper, but that thing that happens outside of your free will, that mysterious spark, didn't ignite. This is what my ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

What my guru Deiter said.......

I have a close friend in my professional field whose intellect and wit are sexy to me, and we can ...

Robecology comments on Mar 15, 2019:

The big question is why you say 'but then, no". Was it eye contact? An offer turned down? A clear difference in physique? There's so many variables that it's hard to project success or failure here. In general...relationships that work well over time can evolve - and for me....the longer a...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

I see your point and agree with the general truth of it, but when it comes to attraction, I am always going to go with how the woman's appearance and physical presence makes me feel in the present, not some patient hope that they are going to improve their looks, physique, etc. And that's for two reasons. One, in my experience, what you see and experience when you meet them is what you'll get after you have been with them long-term. If anything, age itself is going to change their looks and physique, as well as mine, so I am not going to count on or hope that they improve in attraction with time. If that happens great, but I'm not going to invest myself on that assumption. Two, I try to maintain my health, but how can I promise that, in spite of my best efforts, that my health won't decline a lot with age? With all due respect to fitness buffs like Rob, even the best of us fall victim to genetics when it comes to illnesses or other conditions in older ages. I don't think it's fair for me to expect something from the woman that I can't offer about myself, like the promise that my attractiveness, looks, physique are going to improve or even hold up the same with aging. Your mileage may vary.....

After 5 years of withdrawal from life (after the death of my husband) I decided to try online ...

EyesThatSmile comments on Mar 15, 2019:

Not only do they list that they want younger women...they also list that they want the woman to be thin or petite. Although I am not overweight, I take offense to men who are that rude and shallow (and I keep looking).

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

@brainyactress Agreed..

This cat is prettier than I'll ever be. ?

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 15, 2019:

Ah, Persians are so cute to me, even when they have scrunched up faces.....

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

@Kynlei Yeah, you're right, I didn't look close enough at his lower fur..

After 5 years of withdrawal from life (after the death of my husband) I decided to try online ...

EyesThatSmile comments on Mar 15, 2019:

Not only do they list that they want younger women...they also list that they want the woman to be thin or petite. Although I am not overweight, I take offense to men who are that rude and shallow (and I keep looking).

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

@brainyactress I agree with you BA about how most men react to a profile that advertises those body types, but speaking for myself I'm not interested in BBW. The other types, yes.....

After 5 years of withdrawal from life (after the death of my husband) I decided to try online ...

NoMagicCookie comments on Mar 15, 2019:

After my grandfather's 2nd wife died he found a wonderful woman at the local old folks community center. It was like they were in high school, held hands, kissed with much affection, moved in with each other, went on ocean cruises together etc. . . . All was good until her children warned her ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

@Robecology Sorry NMC, but I agree with Rob about online being the best of the options. I've tried the offline stuff of joining groups and going to activities. Those are too shallow of a potential dating pool. I made two good new friends from doing that, one male, one female, that was it. My local senior center, useless, I am 60 and everyone there is at least a dozen years older than me, along with having nothing in common with me as far as I can tell. Bars? Forget it, I don't drink and no one my age goes to them in my area.Social groups? I went to two widowers groups in my area for several months and all the women were at least ten years older than me. The well known local dance club/meat market specializing in people my age? See above note on bars. Everybody drinking very heavily, all the women there clearly either with a man or there just to hang out and dance with their gal pals and not interested in being hit on...... Agnostic.com? Hell yeah, like Rob said, it's as good as it gets, better than the paid sites. Only problem is for most of us there are zero prospects within 100 miles of most of us.

After 5 years of withdrawal from life (after the death of my husband) I decided to try online ...

Booklover comments on Mar 15, 2019:

Hey ya'll are picking on Sue, a lot of us have a rant now and then and it usually includes a little sarcasm. This is a safe space. I hope so anyway. Besides I ran into one if those on here, no kidding almost word for word. Ok I exaggerate......he was worse. Lol. Welcome Sue, mostly we are nice ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

@Robecology Agreed. Sometimes it depends on the object of the sarcasm. I use sarcasm a lot, it's my second language. I think it's ok when directed at a situation or myself, but when directed at someone else as the object of the sarcastic put down, then, yes, it's a sideways way of being mean while cloaking it in the cover of "just joking".

After 5 years of withdrawal from life (after the death of my husband) I decided to try online ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 15, 2019:

The funny thing is I can believe and see the truth of most of Sue's criticisms, but, as has often been said on this site regarding dating behaviors brought up about one gender, it goes both ways. I long ago lost count on the paid site that I'm a member of about how many women who were in their ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

@Booklover I agree they are shallow in my eyes, but that's why there are hookup sites like Tinder or even Ashley Madison for hookers. I agree that men who are just after hookups should stick to Tinder and leave the actual dating sites to the rest of us that are seeking a relationship. But don't tell Zesty that she's shallow, lol, even tho she seems to be only after men for sex. To each their own, I like her ornery humor even tho we are very different.

After 5 years of withdrawal from life (after the death of my husband) I decided to try online ...

Booklover comments on Mar 15, 2019:

Hey ya'll are picking on Sue, a lot of us have a rant now and then and it usually includes a little sarcasm. This is a safe space. I hope so anyway. Besides I ran into one if those on here, no kidding almost word for word. Ok I exaggerate......he was worse. Lol. Welcome Sue, mostly we are nice ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

@Robecology Jesus, Rob, and I thought I ended up writing novels too often, lol! I agree, there is too much gender bashing that goes both ways. And there is also too much lying and game playing by both genders that is the result of people who are injured, hurt, and full of baggage that seem to refuse to own, deal with and then stop projecting and taking out their own shit and baggage on people of the other gender they have never met, been lied to or hurt by, who are innocent parties who have never done anything to them. Whether it's encountering someone of the other gender thru Agnostic. com or a paid dating site, I agree with Rob, that maybe it's better to get some therapy, do some healing, and quit projecting your injury onto everyone you meet of the opposite gender that doesn't agree with you on everything........ Disclaimer: I am by no means perfect in dealing with my own baggage, but I have gotten therapy in my life and I do my best to judge and encounter members of the opposite gender as individuals. Lastly, I will say not nice things if I see something that does not seem to be the truth or to be unfair being said on these threads, which is my right as well as everyone else's.

After 5 years of withdrawal from life (after the death of my husband) I decided to try online ...

JustRyanAgain comments on Mar 15, 2019:

Well, instead of just reading their profiles, perhaps you ought to message them and try asking some questions. If you want information from men, you usually have to ask.

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

@SiouxcitySue Sue- I hope my comments have not offended you, I was not bothered really at all by your post but by the reactions in the thread by some of the women to Rob. I commend you for taking the initiative to message a lot of men on the paid site instead of waiting for the men to message you, because, no offense, but for both women and men who are average looking, as I would type both of us as, the rejection rate is pretty steep on paid sites. I know this because I have chatted about it with average-looking women on both Batch and Agnostic, as well as reading the comments of people, both male and female, on other threads about their experiences as average-looking people on paid sites. For what it's worth, my experience has been about the same. For every 60 messages I send to women on Batch, I will get replies from less than a handful. Of those 60, maybe two dozen will bother viewing my profile. Of the handful that reply, I will trade messages with them, discussing dealbreakers and getting to know more about them, and at most I will meet one or two out of those women in person. And I know damn well that for the three dozen women who don't reply to my message or view my profile, the reason is that my main profile pic that goes with my message doesn't look attractive enough to them to bother viewing my profile or, in many cases, even bother reading my message. Are they being shallow? Depends on who you ask... All I know is that we're in the same boat, just a different name on the bow....

After 5 years of withdrawal from life (after the death of my husband) I decided to try online ...

Robecology comments on Mar 15, 2019:

Kind of a harsh evaluation for us senior men; full of exaggeration and bitterness. I'm a 73 year old who recently ended things with a 60 year old who simply was getting too old for me... She didn't like to bike nor swim...and no...neither of us attended "the gym 3 to 18 days a week, bicycle ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

@Robecology Fitness and thinness, at least to the level that Rob is seeking, is not important to me in a partner, but like all of us, there are other things that are as important to me as these things are to him. We all have dealbreakers. For me, two big ones are loving music in general and not liking country music as well as liking some of the same music as me. Does that make me shallow? I don't think so, because music is a big passion of mine to where being deaf would be unbearable for me. Same with politics or materialism. I could not be with someone who opposed my core values in these areas. And I'm not going to start dating someone if their appearance holds no physical attraction for me.

After 5 years of withdrawal from life (after the death of my husband) I decided to try online ...

EyesThatSmile comments on Mar 15, 2019:

Not only do they list that they want younger women...they also list that they want the woman to be thin or petite. Although I am not overweight, I take offense to men who are that rude and shallow (and I keep looking).

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

You, Marriane, are not thin, but curvy with a great figure. So while you would not get attention from men who are only after thin women, you undoubtedly would get a ton of interest from men on a paid dating site, including me, if you lived in my area. I don't agree with or understand this rigidity of some men about thinness, but I realize it's out there. My late wife was short and curvy, so I see their attitude as their loss, my gain....

After 5 years of withdrawal from life (after the death of my husband) I decided to try online ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 15, 2019:

The funny thing is I can believe and see the truth of most of Sue's criticisms, but, as has often been said on this site regarding dating behaviors brought up about one gender, it goes both ways. I long ago lost count on the paid site that I'm a member of about how many women who were in their ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

@DevraisA1 Thank you also for the compliment on my writing and your interest in me if I lived in Cali. Seems like I would have no problem getting interest from women on Agnostic that live far away if they lived in my area. Unfortunately the women from this site who are in my area are not the type that are active with the forums here and probably have little in common with me besides being non-believers due to their having grown up in Iowa so they have adopted all the mainstream cultural traits (unlike me) except religion. Or, at least in two cases of women I messaged from my area, they are too good-looking for my level of looks even tho we had compatibility %s of 80 or above. As far as my writing, maybe it's in the genes as my brother got a MA in English Fiction writing and when I read I always pick stuff that is very well-written and challenging.

After 5 years of withdrawal from life (after the death of my husband) I decided to try online ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 15, 2019:

The funny thing is I can believe and see the truth of most of Sue's criticisms, but, as has often been said on this site regarding dating behaviors brought up about one gender, it goes both ways. I long ago lost count on the paid site that I'm a member of about how many women who were in their ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

@Booklover I didn't consider her shallow, if that is what you were meaning. This woman really enjoyed exercise and fitness, so for her it was a dealbreaker to have a partner that shared her level of fitness, passion for it, and the experience of working out together. Maybe you were talking about the fit men her age who rejected her solely on her age, with no regard for her physical condition. If that's what you meant, I totally agree, it's shallow to only want someone way younger than you regardless of what shape they are in or how compatible their personality is. Those kind of men are usually in fear of their own aging and also want a younger woman that is not an equal as far as maturity or intelligence.

After 5 years of withdrawal from life (after the death of my husband) I decided to try online ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 15, 2019:

The funny thing is I can believe and see the truth of most of Sue's criticisms, but, as has often been said on this site regarding dating behaviors brought up about one gender, it goes both ways. I long ago lost count on the paid site that I'm a member of about how many women who were in their ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

@Booklover, @DevraisA1 Both you and Sue, the OP, have a lot more company out there than you may think. The first woman I met from Batch was 65 and in extremely fit shape. She ran 5 K races regularly, jogged out in the cold of winter, biked frequently, was thin as a rail and probably in the same cardiovascular shape as most women who were 15-20 years younger than her. She was the female version of Rob. We had a fair amount of things in common, but no physical attraction on my part, at least. So we got together occasionally as friends for several months. But what she frequently complained about with Batch is that all the men her age wanted someone much younger than her even tho she was in great shape for her age, while meanwhile all the men that she was sent profile matches for her age were, according to her, " Couch potatoes with a beer gut", nobody that she was interested in. She quickly gave up on meeting anyone compatible and dropped off the site long before her membership expired. BTW, I told her the same thing, that if the men her age that were physically fit wouldn't give her a chance due to her age, then maybe she ought to consider playing cougar and try dating men who were the same age as her level of fitness, like someone in their late 40s or 50s. Her response, " I don't want to date boys. They would be way too immature and nobody I could talk to".

After 5 years of withdrawal from life (after the death of my husband) I decided to try online ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 15, 2019:

The funny thing is I can believe and see the truth of most of Sue's criticisms, but, as has often been said on this site regarding dating behaviors brought up about one gender, it goes both ways. I long ago lost count on the paid site that I'm a member of about how many women who were in their ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

@Booklover I'm only able to speculate here, but as far as the women in their 50s I see on Batch that are looking mainly for men much younger than them, I don't think talking with the guy is a priority. I think they are mainly after a casual sex-based relationship now that they are divorced and the kids are out of the nest. Something more than FWB, but not too much more. Remember tho that we are talking cougars who are about ten years younger than you Nancy.....

After 5 years of withdrawal from life (after the death of my husband) I decided to try online ...

brainyactress comments on Mar 15, 2019:

I’m not sure I see game playing here. Just people saying what they’re looking for up front.

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

@SiouxcitySue Wayward Atheist apparently has me blocked, so I can only guess what she said about the hypocrisy of men somewhere, whether in this thread or on Sue's paid site.....

After 5 years of withdrawal from life (after the death of my husband) I decided to try online ...

Robecology comments on Mar 15, 2019:

Kind of a harsh evaluation for us senior men; full of exaggeration and bitterness. I'm a 73 year old who recently ended things with a 60 year old who simply was getting too old for me... She didn't like to bike nor swim...and no...neither of us attended "the gym 3 to 18 days a week, bicycle ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

@IrishTxJudy I don't know if she posts in this group or not, but that's irrelevant. My point is that she has said the same kind of things as Rob about what she wants in a partner regarding fitness and she gets a much different response from women than he did here. That is the double standard I'm talking about here. Literate Hiker has said the same kind of things many times somewhere on the forums of this site.

After 5 years of withdrawal from life (after the death of my husband) I decided to try online ...

Robecology comments on Mar 15, 2019:

Kind of a harsh evaluation for us senior men; full of exaggeration and bitterness. I'm a 73 year old who recently ended things with a 60 year old who simply was getting too old for me... She didn't like to bike nor swim...and no...neither of us attended "the gym 3 to 18 days a week, bicycle ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 15, 2019:

Rob- While it doesn't surprise me that you are getting bashed by some women on here for your views about wanting a woman who is physically fit and shares your values on that issue, it does gall me that you are seeming to say and feel the same things as LiterateHiker on this subject, things that everyone on here has heard her say with no one expressing problems with her viewpoint. I smell a double standard that some women on here just can't stand a man having the same viewpoint as a woman on something that is a sensitive issue to them personally. They can hear it from a woman with no offense, but how dare a man say the same thing or feel that way regarding women. Hypocrisy much?

Let me never engage with a person who wants to wear a genital go-pro camera during sex. [cnet.com]

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 14, 2019:

Redefined boundaries for the Facebook generation....

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 14, 2019:

@Quarm Sooner than you end up reading this, lol.

Is there any particular favorite activity listed in someone's profile that is a deal breaker for ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 15, 2019:

Several activities on a profile are dealbreakers for me if they seem to be the main or fav activity of the woman: Smoking. Listening to country music. Attending college football or basketball. Camping or fishing. And in my area, this eliminates a lot of women who want a guy that shares these ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 14, 2019:

@Allamanda Can't and won't. I need my friends too much and they are my safety net. I would not move away from them and then risk having the relationship not work out and then have to move back again. I'm too old for that.

Is there any particular favorite activity listed in someone's profile that is a deal breaker for ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 15, 2019:

Several activities on a profile are dealbreakers for me if they seem to be the main or fav activity of the woman: Smoking. Listening to country music. Attending college football or basketball. Camping or fishing. And in my area, this eliminates a lot of women who want a guy that shares these ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 14, 2019:

@Allamanda I'm completely serious about how popular all of these things, including what Carolina Girl said, are in my area. It's because I'm in the middle of farming country. College sports, namely football and basketball, are very big in my state because we have no major league teams in Iowa, so the college teams serve as a substitute for that.

What was your worst experience with someone from an online dating site?

tinkercreek comments on Mar 13, 2019:

OK: A couple years ago I started dating someone and things were going well over a couple months. We had attraction, similar backgrounds, values and interests in common, having fun and getting along well. He asked me/brought me to an RV dealer to help in the final pick of a travel trailer he'd been ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 13, 2019:

You got suckered by a player, the kind of man guys like me hate. Because they are usually charming, nice-looking and end up having no problem meeting lots of women in person. And then, after they screw these women over and make them even more bitter and cynical towards men in general, I get the privilege of dealing with said women's bitterness and cynicism by the time they meet me even tho I've had no part in causing it.

I miss when guys would call instead of txt

mzbehavin comments on Mar 10, 2019:

Lots of people txt because they don't have to give up what they are actually doing in order to communicate with you. People are choosing txting instead of giving you their undivided attention. It's easy to watch tv or listen to music or be in a bar and txt to visit. Not so with a phone call. ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 11, 2019:

Exactly right. These people are selfish and self important, too much of both for me...

What was your worst experience with someone from an online dating site?

sweetcharlotte comments on Mar 11, 2019:

My experience came from Face Book, rather than a dating site. An older retired police detective found my picture and town on FB. He wrote and asked me to meet him for a Outback dinner on New Years Eve 2009. I accepted. He seemed nice, was tall and handsome, in a Stetson western hat and cowboy...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 11, 2019:

Reminds me way too much of Silence Of The Lambs......Did he ever happen to say " Good evening, Clarice..."?

Washing the cats I had an app't with my doctor because of the year- long cold.

TheGreatShadow comments on Mar 11, 2019:

Have you tried brushing kitty with a cat brush once a day? Main Coons have very long hair as you mentioned. My mom had a Norwegian Forest Cat (which is kind of similar). Brushed him once a day and had good results. He go so used to being brushed that he knew at a certian time in the evening.. he ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 11, 2019:

My neighbor has a Norwegian Forest cat and it does not like water. She will claw fiercely if anyone tries to bathe her. I don't know if she tries brushing her.

He's so fine!

RobertNappi2 comments on Mar 11, 2019:

Damn ...Kittie with an attitude!!!

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 11, 2019:

This cat already knows it's all that....

I would think there are free thinkers athiests an agnostic women in ontario canada.

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 11, 2019:

I'm sure there are non-believer women in my area, but they don't know about this site as no women have joined from my area in the last two years.

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 11, 2019:

@Cast1es How would I? I've told a few non-believers about it, but they are friends who are married and in no need of new friends, so they aren't going to come here.

Had a very disheartening experience yesterday at a grocery store.

misstuffy comments on Mar 10, 2019:

Hy Vee originated in my home town, Chariton IA. Luckily we don't have those self check outs here and they still hire disabled workers to bring in carts and what not. They did move all their corporate offices to West Des Moines because I guess we don't offer enough amusements for guests flying in ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 10, 2019:

Right about that too. Moving the corporate offices to WDM was the beginning of the company no longer being so caring and connected to their employees and customers. They do still hire disabled people here too, but after seeing the scan machines, it's only a matter of time before they stop that practice too. Got to have those max profits, just like WalMart.....

Had a very disheartening experience yesterday at a grocery store.

mzbehavin comments on Feb 7, 2019:

Why don't you take this concern to the Home Office. What about emailing them your frustration and point of views? You never know, you may be adding your voice to many others with the same feelings.

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 10, 2019:

@misstuffy Exactly right. They went ahead and did this, just like the scan and go machines, without any customer input or request, all in the interest of making more money, higher profits. What's funny is that after they got rid of the old HyVee delis and their old menu, they ended up getting rid of some of the Market Grills because of just what you said, being too expensive and not having what the customers wanted for menus. They actually went back to the old delis with some of them. It's all because Hy Vee is no longer a service -oriented company that cares about its customers like in the old days. They are now just as corporate, greedy, and uncaring about customers as WalMart. Nice to see you back, MS.

Read a good book yesterday and wanted to pass it along.

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 9, 2019:

My brother went to an Ivy league school, Dartmouth, for one year, then dropped out because it was too expensive, which was back in the 70s. Can only imagine what it costs now. He took away from it a very disillusioned view of how the offspring of the elite think and act as well as the lesson that ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 9, 2019:

@linxminx Thank you. My brother and I unfortunately grew up in a small town in Iowa, but he's a pretty sharp guy, even if we don't get along. He eventually went to Syracuse U. for a masters in English Fiction writing and got to know the writer Jay Mc Innerney, who wrote Bright Lights, Big City, among other novels and short stories, then got a law degree from Columbia, another Ivy League school where he got to know Caroline Kennedy, among some other members of the elite families of America. He ended up as a fed magistrate in Puerto Rico and I have no doubt some of his Columbia connections led to that job. As far as critical thinking, my brother already had those skills before he got to Dartmouth, but, at least back then, they did teach critical thinking there in most classes. He also had original thoughts, but he would probably agree that many of his classmates did not. They were trust fund babies for the most part and would do just fine in life without having any original thoughts because their families could provide them with unlimited extra chances if they failed at anything.

Question. Do you avoid dating people with the same name as your ex or exes?

HippieChick58 comments on Mar 6, 2019:

My dad was a Richard, my mean brother is Richard, my first ex was Dennis Richard, the father of my children and 2nd ex husband is Richard, and the long term long distance that broke my heart is a Richard. So, I ask you, should I avoid Richards?

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 6, 2019:

@Wangobango3 Saw that one coming a mile away.....

Your shitty childhood isn't an excuse to be a shitty person.

HippieChick58 comments on Mar 3, 2019:

I grew up in an abusive home, and as some children do I believed it was my fault, or at least much of it was my fault. When I became a parent and my oldest daughter reached the age I was when the serious abuse started, I realized how little control she had, and I had over anything. And that flash of...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 3, 2019:

@HippieChick58 I admire your courage and am happy parenthood turned out well for you and your kids.

Can you develop a friendship with an on line dating partner with whom you feel no chemistry?

Sticks48 comments on Mar 3, 2019:

Here is my experience on this site. With one lady, we talked on the phone a few times. I liked talking to her, but she wanted more than friendship, so that became awkward, and ended. With another lady, there seemed to be really good chemistry. We spent hours on the phone and messaging coming to the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 3, 2019:

I have yet to meet any women in person from Agnostic and I honestly don't think I ever will since I am not willing to date LD. I already have friends, so there's no point in meeting anyone from here locally for that either, even if there were any prospects in my area, which there haven't been any new ones in over 18 months. If anyone new my age joins here and they have pics that seem attractive, I will message them and offer to meet them, but I'm pretty pessimistic by now about that with this site. Sticks, you are talking about Agnostic, right?

Can you develop a friendship with an on line dating partner with whom you feel no chemistry?

zesty comments on Mar 3, 2019:

Handsy? As long as he washes his hands before playing with your clit - let him do it. Watch the movie too, multi-task. But it is just me, lol

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 3, 2019:

@zesty I guess we're all a little selfish, lol....

Your shitty childhood isn't an excuse to be a shitty person.

HippieChick58 comments on Mar 3, 2019:

I grew up in an abusive home, and as some children do I believed it was my fault, or at least much of it was my fault. When I became a parent and my oldest daughter reached the age I was when the serious abuse started, I realized how little control she had, and I had over anything. And that flash of...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 3, 2019:

Sounds quite familiar...You've also explained why I chose to never have kids. Better cycle broken than sorry.....

Online dating for dogs

glennlab comments on Mar 3, 2019:

still better than

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 3, 2019:

Hilarious...

Online dating for dogs

tinkercreek comments on Mar 3, 2019:

And just what makes this apply more to dogs than humans?

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 3, 2019:

Well put....

Can you develop a friendship with an on line dating partner with whom you feel no chemistry?

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 3, 2019:

The short answer is a no, it will usually not work with someone from a dating site, at least with most men from our generation. I am an exception and have had platonic friendships with several women in my life, but from talking to other men our age, that doesn't seem very common. I think it boils ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 3, 2019:

@Sticks48 Thanks Sticks. I have a lot of respect for your opinions...

Can you develop a friendship with an on line dating partner with whom you feel no chemistry?

zesty comments on Mar 3, 2019:

Handsy? As long as he washes his hands before playing with your clit - let him do it. Watch the movie too, multi-task. But it is just me, lol

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 3, 2019:

Zesty, you are terrible... but very funny........

I gave up on online dating.

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 1, 2019:

I share your pessimism and cynicism. Feel free to correct me if I'm misinterpreting you. I don't believe either in the "once you quit looking" cliche, it is luck-based thinking and a rationalization in my book. I also don't believe there is one perfect person for each of us. At my age, I think the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 2, 2019:

@Cabsmom Glad to hear it.

Guys, this is getting under my skin and I need input.

TomMcGiverin comments on Mar 1, 2019:

I made the mistake of lending a book to an old girlfriend when I was in my 20s. It took me 6 months after we broke up to get it back and I had to go to her parent's house when she was visiting them to get it back. She enjoyed making things a chore, when she refused to mail it to me as I had asked ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 1, 2019:

@CarolinaGirl60 That would be my call too. In my case, I held out due to stubbornness and principle.

I went on date 2.

zesty comments on Mar 1, 2019:

Did you check his endovement? This is more important than his opinion on the climate change. As a matter of fact, he could be right.

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 1, 2019:

@Stephanie99 My guess is that it's a typo and she meant endowment, as in his cock size. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. I'm just going by the slant of her usual comments...

Yuck, I had to send a "Dear John" letter to a lady I met online.

CarolinaGirl60 comments on Feb 28, 2019:

I’ve tried three ways to break off. #1There’s ghosting: block them in every way then disappear. Usually these, turn out to be, or begin to show, creepy behavior that scares me into running. It can be tough to break it off in person or by phone, since they react with threats, name-calling, ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 1, 2019:

@LetzGetReal I am very convinced that technology, like the net, which makes things convenient and impersonal, usually brings out the worst in people. Not that it's an excuse. Sort of how I feel about people getting drunk. It usually doesn't make them act different than who they are, it brings out more of who they really are.....

Yuck, I had to send a "Dear John" letter to a lady I met online.

Redheadedgammy comments on Feb 28, 2019:

Back when I was dating I had a few instances where I realized the other person just wasn't my cup of tea. I met with them face to face and told them although we had some enjoyable times getting to know one another, I realized we were just not a match and that I didn't want to go further into the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 1, 2019:

I wish more were like you...

Just a few minutes ago I cancelled my subscription to one of those 'over 50' sites.

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 28, 2019:

After today, in all honesty, I am starting to feel like I am getting there too. And this is not an easy thing to admit, because I know from experience that online dating is probably my only real chance of meeting someone in the next few years, which is what I want. I know this because I have already...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 1, 2019:

@potteryguy2018 I don't doubt you at all sir. My experience has been different as far as women seeming to be very insincere in their profile essays, dishonest about how much looks matter to them compared to character and personality, and a lot of disappointment in who has been interested in dating me or giving me a chance to meet them. I have now met 6 women in almost 18 months, an average of one per every 3 months. Only one of them was physically attractive to me and she wasn't feeling that for me. Yeah, it's a shit show, but at least I have had little interest from scammers. Ironically, two of the women who were interested in me but not compatible were ones who looked attractive from their pics, but had clearly not read my profile. They were both religious and politically conservative. I didn't bother replying to them. I found it very ironic.... Gwen is so right about how much looks matter in online dating with paid sites. I almost never get a reply when I message a woman who looks above average in her pics. Trying to date out of my league there I suppose......

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

Heidi68 comments on Feb 28, 2019:

My observation. Online dating is difficult because you don't know each other. You keep belittling the woman in this situation (and while I agree, since it was next to her work she could have checked but) - you continue to talk about your character. She doesn't know your true character because ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Mar 1, 2019:

@Heidi68 In social interactions I take people at their word, until they begin proving untrustworthy. As soon as they do, we are done. No second chances. Fool me once....

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

Heidi68 comments on Feb 28, 2019:

My observation. Online dating is difficult because you don't know each other. You keep belittling the woman in this situation (and while I agree, since it was next to her work she could have checked but) - you continue to talk about your character. She doesn't know your true character because ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 28, 2019:

@Heidi68 I know that Heidi and I really do approach each woman on Batch with an open mind, but I really am tired of dealing with so many women who continue to take out their baggage on totally innocent men like me, who've done them no wrong. It gets really fucking old. I think most of us understand that.. I have caused way more hurt to myself than to others in my life and even tho I don't believe in God, I sometimes feel like a sick joke is being played on me by someone of being punished for other people's sins. As one of my music idols, Patti Smith once sang, " Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine....".