Spending a few days with a new man is a microcosm of the future relationship

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

He is the way he is because he has big bucks and a high status job, same with doctors. Unfortunately there are too many women who will put up with a lot of crap from men in both professions because of these facts, even more so if the man has good looks. He has no incentive to change his personality ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 19, 2019:

@MissKathleen Maybe someone else will. I've done my best. Maybe look at yourself, as not that many people on here seem to end up arguing with me. It's not my day to be responsible for you. Now, would you like a block or are we done?

Spending a few days with a new man is a microcosm of the future relationship

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

He is the way he is because he has big bucks and a high status job, same with doctors. Unfortunately there are too many women who will put up with a lot of crap from men in both professions because of these facts, even more so if the man has good looks. He has no incentive to change his personality ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 19, 2019:

@MissKathleen It was related to the topic, as the man's problem was a sense of entitlement. My comments appear to have been fine with the OP, LiterateHiker, and there was probably a reason she shared that the man was a retired lawyer as she felt it was pertinent to his sense of entitlement. Let the OP speak for herself, Kathleen. She could have made your criticism for herself and I would have gladly accepted it. I'm done.....

Spending a few days with a new man is a microcosm of the future relationship

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

He is the way he is because he has big bucks and a high status job, same with doctors. Unfortunately there are too many women who will put up with a lot of crap from men in both professions because of these facts, even more so if the man has good looks. He has no incentive to change his personality ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 19, 2019:

@MissKathleen Yes there are, but way fewer women will pair up with them. Their status is low value, to use the modern term.

This isn't how an elder should be treated in representing his people in peaceful protest.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 19, 2019:

I guess I am just too old and cynical, but I no longer have the desire to attend these kind of protests and participate in the ritual of confrontation and theater with the opposing side. It seems to change nothing and there is no meaningful interaction. Yes, these kids are empty-headed idiots, as ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 19, 2019:

@Charity I guess I just assume these days that any public political event is going to draw counter-protesters and that is just a risk and presence you have to expect.

Spending a few days with a new man is a microcosm of the future relationship

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

He is the way he is because he has big bucks and a high status job, same with doctors. Unfortunately there are too many women who will put up with a lot of crap from men in both professions because of these facts, even more so if the man has good looks. He has no incentive to change his personality ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 19, 2019:

@MissKathleen How is that different than what I said? My point is that the fact of some women being attracted to him as he is allows him to stay as he is. If he couldn't find anyone willing to accept his crap, he would seriously consider changing his ways and probably end up doing so. I concede that not only women he dated but probably others as well-friends, family- have played a role in allowing him to be that way with no consequences.

Is online long distance dating a complete waste of time?

mordant comments on Jan 19, 2019:

No. Although that doesn't address the larger question of how good a use of one's time relationships are to begin with. Everyone will answer these questions differently. Any effective strategy for finding a S.O. will NOT rely on a single web site or a single strategy and it will not overlook ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 19, 2019:

And many times, including my case, even doing as you suggest is not enough due to the competition and numbers game that it is.

Is online long distance dating a complete waste of time?

Holysocks comments on Jan 19, 2019:

I spent 4 years in an online relationship, proposed marriage online, went to meet her, and she suddenly had a job offer in Egypt.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 19, 2019:

@HomeAloneSunday I have the same rule, 55 mile distance. Reason for that is to include women from a city with a very liberal small college in it.

Walmart gains patent to eavesdrop on shoppers and employees in stores - CNET

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 19, 2019:

As I said in another thread about empathy, going in a Walmart makes me feel like I am visiting someone in prison. This news only confirms that. The employees don't want to be there and neither do most of the customers, who are too poor to shop anywhere else. Both the employees and customers have ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 19, 2019:

@HippieChick58 Yeah, he's lying. I'm retired and have all the time I need to wait, so I won't use a self-check line. It's my sort of passive way of standing up for my fellow humans that need jobs, futile as my protest may be. So few people realize that by using the self-check they are making a political choice against other workers. Hell, every choice we make about where we shop-local vs. corporate chain, what we spend our money on- amounts to a political choice that has consequences... The only thing that will make most of this moot is if we get a UBI, a Universal Basic Income, which would replace work for financially supporting the population that are unemployable due to outsourcing and automation.

Ahhh the 50's

Charlene comments on Jan 19, 2019:

This is the absolute truth of the 50's..Donna Reid was a lie..

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 19, 2019:

Not trying to be a know-it-all, but Donna Reed came from my state and you spelled her last name wrong. The slogan should more truthfully say make America white again...It was a great time to be a straight white Christian male, just not so great for everybody else... Pleasantville was such a cute movie..

Spending a few days with a new man is a microcosm of the future relationship

GreatNani comments on Jan 18, 2019:

So where is he now? What happened to him? Some unlucky woman end up with him?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 18, 2019:

Don't worry, he'll keep dating and eventually end up with a younger trophy wife who cooks. Because life isn't fair.....

What kind of hair style do women favor?

Mooolah comments on Jan 18, 2019:

The bald look depends on the face, the shape of the head & facial hair for men, make up & earrings for women. Some women look spectacular bald. Some white men look chemotherapy exposed. Clean hair is what is important. I rather it be shaved almost bald over any comb over. Especially the current ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 18, 2019:

@Countrywoman I was merely giving my reaction to your opinion. I do think many bald men grow facial hair, as I said, to fool themselves and maybe others into not noticing they are bald as well as a distraction from their bald head. I am by no means the only person with these opinions. Facial hair serves the same purposes as comb overs do for said men. We have both have the right to our opinions. Done...

What kind of hair style do women favor?

Mooolah comments on Jan 18, 2019:

The bald look depends on the face, the shape of the head & facial hair for men, make up & earrings for women. Some women look spectacular bald. Some white men look chemotherapy exposed. Clean hair is what is important. I rather it be shaved almost bald over any comb over. Especially the current ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 18, 2019:

I think bald men growing the facial hair looks ridiculous and doesn't fool anyone about their being bald. I won't do it to make women feel more accepting of my baldness. It's not going to change the minds of most women about whether they are attracted to a bald man.

Flipping the murder switch

SeaGreenEyez comments on Jan 18, 2019:

This reminds me of this (I love the "gets comfortable" or uncomfortable, at 00:16): https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_kgRFHaNo-Y

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 18, 2019:

Poor scared kitty. Watch how the ears keep moving.

I've tried chatting with two men I 'met' on here.

Sheannutt comments on Jan 17, 2019:

I'm the same way as you, I just want to have friends to go out and have fun with.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 18, 2019:

@jlynn37 Already tried, doesn't work..

Any words of wisdom for a newcomer to this site?

Spinliesel comments on Jan 18, 2019:

I read your bio. good luck, Sir.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 18, 2019:

I hope he is kidding, lol.

WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 17, 2019:

At least she canceled and didn't stand you up. I think doing the latter is inexcuseable, not matter how scared you are. A couple months ago a woman from my local area on this site messaged me after having ghosted me several months before when she apparently left the site for about six months. When ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 17, 2019:

@Sgt_Spanky Careful there Spanky.. I appreciate the sympathy, but using that term, no matter how much I loathe what she did, will get you in trouble with the women on here. I prefer to keep my equal gender opportunity terms for offline when I run across men and women who deserve vulgar labels for their character and personality. No point in alienating the women on this site.

WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 17, 2019:

At least she canceled and didn't stand you up. I think doing the latter is inexcuseable, not matter how scared you are. A couple months ago a woman from my local area on this site messaged me after having ghosted me several months before when she apparently left the site for about six months. When ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 17, 2019:

@Sgt_Spanky She wasn't the worst. A couple months ago I was stood up for a coffee meeting by a woman from Match. We made the plans 5 days before and when I got home and messaged her she claimed that she simply forgot. No apology tho for having forgot nor any display of caring about my feelings or saying she would like to make it up to me by trying to meet ASAP. So I just took it all as a lie and that she just hadn't been interested. I messaged her that she needed to quit playing games with others and that I hope her attitude catches up with her. I think some people are just so fucked up mentally that they use sites like this and paid dating sites as ways to feed their ego by seeing how much attention they can get and playing games with others for their amusement, rather than having a sincere interest in making friends on this site or dating people on the paid sites.

I've tried chatting with two men I 'met' on here.

Sheannutt comments on Jan 17, 2019:

I'm the same way as you, I just want to have friends to go out and have fun with.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 17, 2019:

@jlynn37 Not just rural areas and small towns. I live in a metro area of 250K and there are only 4 women my age listed in my area. Messaged each of them and was rejected. Probably don't have the looks they can get in someone from a paid site.

SOCIALISM...great bull

AtheistReader comments on Jan 17, 2019:

Capitalism. It works only because mouse keeps on laughing at the notion that they are entitled to the cheese they make. They keep on buying them from the fat cats who make memes like this, while the mouse produces the cheese. But that might be too complex a thought....

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 17, 2019:

@DUCHESSA Sure, people flee communist countries. I would not want to live in a communist country and I am a socialist. There is a diff between the two. You do not see huge numbers leaving socialist countries and I would like to live in one if I were younger and able to start over.

2 YEAR AGO.

BeeHappy comments on Jan 17, 2019:

I remember. I watched all this closely. The level of injustice just tore up my heart. I wanted so badly to join them from early on in the protest. To offer some small support, I posted and shared so much on Facebook and closed my Chase account because of their ties to the oil companies. I sent ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 17, 2019:

Obama was just as much of a corporate sellout and warmonger as all the rest of them. I didn't expect much of him when he was elected so I wasn't very disappointed. He had no courage so corporate power continued unchecked and so did endless war for oil and empire. The last prez with real courage involving the MIC was JFK and look where that got him.... It may have been politically incorrect, but I was glad when Bill Maher said that Obama was W in blackface, because, for all practical purposes on economic and foreign policy as well as civil liberties, it was true. I knew that his administration would be all about identity politics to distract how much he and W were the same on most things.

It’s very difficult to meet anyone anymore...

GreenAtheist comments on Jan 17, 2019:

Isn't www.agnostic.com supposed to be the cure here ?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 17, 2019:

@GreenAtheist Won't drive more than 55 miles one way because even if we clicked, I'm not relocating and almost nobody else is either at our age, so it's not worth the grief and frustration of breaking up later over the distance.

It’s very difficult to meet anyone anymore...

GreenAtheist comments on Jan 17, 2019:

Isn't www.agnostic.com supposed to be the cure here ?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 17, 2019:

It is, but right now it's more like wishful thinking as long as the members are so scattered around the country.

Everyday... &Positivevibes

Stevil comments on Jan 16, 2019:

Does Jack Handy belong to the group?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 17, 2019:

Damn I miss Deep Thoughts With Jack Handy on SNL.....this looks just like one of them.

Dating after 50

Archer comments on Nov 4, 2018:

I'm mostly with ya Crimson. Add to that having a 13 year old at 54. SMH. I don't date. I am active, outgoing, involved, intelligent, loving, kind, generous, loyal, employed, fun, but over 50, with a wonderful kid, and carrying extra pounds. (Aka baggage in many eyes). Seems like young, slim, and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 17, 2019:

@Soarfeet I would want to meet you and K9 Kohle if either of you lived in my area, but you don't. Likely you and @K9Kohle789 have the same problem with men our age on this site.

What is it with me and older (sometimes much older) men?

BlackDove comments on Jan 15, 2019:

Lol, I know the feeling, but I see that you are much younger than me, so I don't know why you keep getting older men. You do not look older than 40 to me. I'm 54 and I keep getting men in their 60s and some in their 70s. I hope they don't expect me to be some kind of 'nurse with a purse'. I want ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 16, 2019:

@maturin1919 What is a ginger?

It is interesting that age plays such a great role in compatibility as aging is such a new thing for...

DeStijl comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Men always find a reason to pursue younger women.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 16, 2019:

@DeStijl I guess I'm a unicorn. The longer I am on Match, the more it seems like the site is running out of women in my desired age group, so I keep getting sent Daily Matches lists of profiles that are women I have already been sent before. I am 60 and open to dating women as young as 50, but that is really meaningless as very few women that young have profiles with dating ranges that include my age. I am willing to date up to and including 68, but won't go above that because I was widowed two years ago and don't want to risk that again anytime soon with too old of a partner. On Match, at least in my area, the vast majority of women age 51-55 will only date older men who are no more than a few years older than them, so for all effective purposes, I only have women in their late 50s for the low end of my dating age range. So I am largely in the same boat as you, DS. Met only 5 women in 15 months on Match and they were all in their early or mid-60s, which is probably the only age group that I will find anyone in to date, which would be fine with me. Match seems to be running short of women who are in their mid to late 60s, so if I don't find someone there in the next year, I will probably switch to a site that specializes in older people like Silver Singles or Our Time.

What is it with me and older (sometimes much older) men?

Shouldbefishing comments on Jan 15, 2019:

No, there's nothing wrong with you. People in the 25 to 40 category are in short supply on here. ?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 16, 2019:

So maybe she should pay up and join a real dating site that is paid. This site is overwhelmingly male and older than her.

Empathy.... Can you have too much?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 15, 2019:

I wanted to post this and get some feedback on whether others feel this way about visiting a Walmart. When I do visit a Walmart, because I am still not well off enough to always buy mundane stuff at a Target store instead, I always feel kind of depressed whenever I visit a Walmart. Because I look at...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 15, 2019:

@Cutiebeauty Nah, believe it or not, my ego's not that big..Thanks for the suggestion.

Apologies if the below is too authentic.

vnufall comments on Jan 14, 2019:

I think we can out grow each other. Also have to keep each other first.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 15, 2019:

I think when two people outgrow each other that talking about it won't change anything. When the problem is more the latter one, talking will.

Apologies if the below is too authentic.

UUNJ comments on Jan 14, 2019:

I’m sorry your relationship failed, but please don’t generalize that all women are the same as your wife, or even all the women you’ve dated. One of the first questions I ask couples who say their sex life died is, “What changed outside of the bedroom?” When sex dies, it’s rarely due ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 15, 2019:

@UUNJ Ok, he should have said that his wife seemed to be deluded about love and that it made him wonder if most women were also deluded in the same way, etc.. Would that have been satisfactory? No one on these boards, male or female, is going to be perfect in how well they word a post when making comparisons or generalizations about the sexes. They are sometimes going to overreach. To me, what seems more important, than some observer's strict standards of PC, is the ? of how much general truth there seems to be in their comments. I am more interested in that when I go to read a thread because even members who are anything but PC, like Davethecave, for example, make some good points from time to time. I take him as he is and look beyond his lack of PC.....

Apologies if the below is too authentic.

UpsideDownAgain comments on Jan 14, 2019:

While it's important for you to get your needs met in a relationship, it's also important to make sure you are meeting your spouse's needs as well. You can't require your needs to be meet unless you first are requiring yourself to meet your spouse's needs. The women may be withholding sex but what ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 15, 2019:

Man, that is actually breathtaking and explains so much. It clarifies so well the diff between mind-reading, which men so resent and assume women are wanting from them, and the actual desire for hearing what they are asking for, respecting the importance it has for them, and then putting reasonable effort and intelligence into giving them what they are asking for. Not out of grudging compliance, but because the man actually wants the woman to feel valued, respected, and nurtured. As an individual I love to be right rather than liked or popular, but I learned long ago, thankfully before my marriage, that in relationships that is a no-go if it's going to work. So I keep that habit out of friendships, dating or a partner relationship. It probably limits my number of friendships, but that's ok with me as I have enough of them and they have all lasted over 25 years.

Apologies if the below is too authentic.

seattlepanda comments on Jan 14, 2019:

Funny because although your analysis is interesting, my failed marriage was in agreement with your statement, she wanted him to change/he wanted her to not change, but our incompatibility did not affect sex. We were compatible in our sexual quirks throughout the worst of our lives together.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 15, 2019:

@seattlepanda I suspected so, that's why I would never try FWB.

Apologies if the below is too authentic.

Cast1es comments on Jan 14, 2019:

Love doesn't just die . You kill it . You feel sex was great while you're dating , but dies after marriage ? What changed ? When you're dating , you clean up , you show interest , you have time , you work to make your partner want you around . After marriage , you dump a lot of work and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 14, 2019:

I think your comments are spot on regarding what happens in most marriages that go bad. I'm not so confident they are the case with Deiter's marriage, but I'm not informed enough to know. I have some suspicions from reading his post, but I'll keep them to myself.

Apologies if the below is too authentic.

seattlepanda comments on Jan 14, 2019:

Funny because although your analysis is interesting, my failed marriage was in agreement with your statement, she wanted him to change/he wanted her to not change, but our incompatibility did not affect sex. We were compatible in our sexual quirks throughout the worst of our lives together.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 14, 2019:

I think people may differ a lot in how much sex and love are hardwired together. For me they are, for you and your ex, not so much..

Good for any situation

TristanNuvo comments on Jan 14, 2019:

One of the best things I've ever learned was that the more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know, however I have to add, I want to know. I was fortunate, due to having teachers, and professors in my family, got enrolled in a, at the time was a new progressive education. To explain, ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 14, 2019:

Nowadays, critical thinking is only taught at the college level, which explains a lot about our politics and how most of the voters, which are people who didn't go past high school, are such easily manipulated sheeple. The ruling class is fine with this as most of the people who do go to college are easily co-opted into thinking they will eventually make it into the upper classes, so teaching them about sociology and critical thinking is not going threaten capitalism or the status quo as most college grads will either go on to be in the upper classes or if they don't and "fail" at being financially successful they will likely feel too embarrassed to be critical of the system and instead blame themselves.

Serial vs parallel dating.. have i posted this topic already?

Nukdookum comments on Jan 14, 2019:

Yeah. I think it's the definition of "dating" that differs among the commenters. Some apparently define dating as "talking to someone on a dating website even if you've never met in person" and feel that you should only chat up one prospective life partner at a time. Others define dating as "we've ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 14, 2019:

@HeraTera Everybody makes up their own minds about this stuff, based on their own experience as well as the info they have gathered from others about online dating. Nobody is confined by others viewpoints. I think this horse is more than officially dead......

Serial vs parallel dating.. have i posted this topic already?

Nukdookum comments on Jan 14, 2019:

Yeah. I think it's the definition of "dating" that differs among the commenters. Some apparently define dating as "talking to someone on a dating website even if you've never met in person" and feel that you should only chat up one prospective life partner at a time. Others define dating as "we've ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 14, 2019:

@HeraTera It is the way it is and it's not going to change. It's not affecting the way I interact with women on Match. They are each individuals, as I've already said. My viewpoint of the overall process is what it is, and I don't think it really impacts me that much in dealing with each woman I interact with. Online dating is my only real option of finding someone and I just have to do the best I can with what it is. Don't tell me to lie to myself about how the process works or rationalize things.I prefer to live in the truth rather than fantasy about how things should be, at least regarding online dating. I don't resent that it's the nature of online dating that men are way more aggressive than women in reaching out to the other. I do wish that it were more even and that women weren't overwhelmed with messages from men, because when they are it causes them to be less likely to respond to messages from men who are less impressive in their looks. Which is understandable when the woman's time is limited and she has to use some method to sort which messages to respond to and which to reject. In this situation, the fastest and easiest way is to sort them by main profile photo into the accept and reject categories. From there, the next step is to look at the profiles of the accept group. I think you can figure out the rest of the steps..... If most women didn't get so barraged with messages from men, they could base their screening of men into accept and reject based on reading their profiles first as well as their photos, but that would take too much time, so it ends up screening by photos instead. How do I know? Because only a minority of the women I message end up viewing my profile before deciding not to reply to my first message. Plus, a couple dozen women have confirmed for me that this is their practice, both from Match and this site. The men put in more work and effort into reaching out to the other gender and the women put more work and effort into sorting and screening, so in the end they each spend about the same amount of time and effort. Nevertheless, I feel it leaves the women in a somewhat more privileged position than men on paid dating sites because most of the time the kind of men a woman wants are going to message her before she needs to bother reaching out to them, so all she needs to do in order to eventually get to know that man is not screen him out on looks before reading his profile and then responding to his message. Doesn't play out that way most of the time for the average man, for reasons I've explained ad nauseum. I know you are not trying to be insulting, and I am not taking it as an insult, but telling someone to ignore or feel positive about being in a position of having less privilege than the other gender feels a ...

Serial vs parallel dating.. have i posted this topic already?

Nukdookum comments on Jan 14, 2019:

Yeah. I think it's the definition of "dating" that differs among the commenters. Some apparently define dating as "talking to someone on a dating website even if you've never met in person" and feel that you should only chat up one prospective life partner at a time. Others define dating as "we've ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 14, 2019:

@HeraTera I'm just saying what many people have told me about behavior on paid dating sites, which is, that most women on there don't really need to initiate contact with men on the sites because the men are already sending out the first messages. So the women, in most cases, are in the position of being able to sit back and choose who to respond to rather than sending out dozens of first messages a month to people they are interested in like the men do. It's just the way the game is played on paid sites and it amounts to the men doing the pursuing and the women doing the deciding of who they accept and agree to chat with and maybe meet. Yes, HT, both genders have the option of being the one to initiate contact by messaging someone whose profile interests them, but in practice few women on paid sites do this for two reasons. One, the man in question has already messaged the woman who is interested in him, so she doesn't need to start things. Two, most women feel that sending the first message to a man on a paid site is seen by men as too aggressive or forward and implies that she might be easy, needy, or too serious for him, etc. So when women do make the first move of showing interest in a man on a paid site, they usually choose a more passive form of indicating it, like sending a Like message in which they simply click on a button and they guy receives a message from the site saying simply that X has indicated they Like you, or the same thing by clicking on the Yes button when the man's profile is presented to the woman as part of a set of suggested matches. Neither of these include an actual text message from the woman.

Florida Woman Put Her Dad with Alzheimer’s on a One-Way Flight to Denver | The Hearty Soul

mordant comments on Jan 12, 2019:

My stepdaughter has specifically said she does not want to take care of her mother in her dotage. Got right out in front of it. At least we know where we stand.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 14, 2019:

@mordant I'm sorry things have turned out so disappointing with your children. I chose to never have kids, but that was not motivated by any feeling that children would fail to be supportive of me in old age or illness. Social contracts are not what they used to be, whether it's between employers and workers, children and parents, or even between spouses. All relationships are now disposable and it's everyone for themselves.

Cat hotel:

Cutiebeauty comments on Jan 14, 2019:

I stayed here once. Just once...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 14, 2019:

Poor grumpy! Grumpycat is my favorite....

Serial vs parallel dating.. have i posted this topic already?

Nukdookum comments on Jan 14, 2019:

Yeah. I think it's the definition of "dating" that differs among the commenters. Some apparently define dating as "talking to someone on a dating website even if you've never met in person" and feel that you should only chat up one prospective life partner at a time. Others define dating as "we've ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 14, 2019:

You are a smart and wise man. Your math and analysis appear to be spot on and, like you, I don't want to be alone for 12 years while wading thru the interview process, as you say. At the same time, I don't agree with what seems to be the trend with Millenials of just reversing the interview process by having hookup sex first and then proceeding the other way with getting to know the person otherwise to determine if they are relationship material and compatible otherwise. But, as I've said already on this thread, I'm an average-looking man, so parallel dating isn't even an option for me and even serial dating by default, as you describe it, is going to take a very long time for me to find someone compatible unless I am very lucky. Because of the dynamics of how men end up usually having to pursue on the paid dating sites while women sit back and decide who to reply to, it's already a marathon endurance test for the men, but choosing serial dating over parallel dating makes it even worse.....

When you move from dating into a serious relationship with one of those people, what do you tell the...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Don't know if you met these men on a dating site or not, but nowadays it just goes without saying that most women on dating sites are seeing more than one guy at a times and these men may already be assuming that about you. It may not be the case with all women on dating sites, but I'm sure it is ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 14, 2019:

@HeraTera I think men are somewhat more focused on looks than women with the paid dating sites, but not that much more. One can only speak in generalities to discuss trends in behavior. I always think of individuals when I approach women on Match because I know there are always individuals, like me, that don't follow the common trends.

Serial vs parallel dating.. have i posted this topic already?

mikecagain comments on Jan 14, 2019:

I think if you're dating more than one at a time, then you aren't serious about any of them having the potential for anything meaningful or long term. And that's fine if that isn't your goal. Some people just enjoy dating for the fun of dating. I've never viewed it that way though. I feel ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 14, 2019:

@mikecagain I get what each of you are saying and agree with both of you. I think the reality is that many, if not most people on dating sites, are more interested in just going on dates for companionship and sex than they are wanting something that serious and permanent, esp. people who are in their 50s and single again for the first time since they were young and married with kids at home. For many they are more interested in playing and enjoying their new freedom, no matter what they may say in their profile essays to the contrary about wanting to find a life partner, etc. The longer I have been on Match, the more skeptical I am about the things people say about themselves in their profile essays. Truth in advertising there is more like buyer beware......about as much honesty as in commercial advertising.

Serial vs parallel dating.. have i posted this topic already?

Paul4747 comments on Jan 14, 2019:

My sole experience with the so-called parallel dating, right after my divorce became official... while on the date with the second person, I found I was remembering the first one, who had really seemed to "click" for me. And that in turn blew the second date. I just don't have what it takes to ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 14, 2019:

You probably have more company than you think as far as that kind of mental multitasking that you are describing.

Already had one rude comment! I posted some pictures of when I was performing as a burlesque ...

maturin1919 comments on Jan 14, 2019:

Heather is not here.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 14, 2019:

Right you are, her profile is unavailable. Any guess why?

Serial vs parallel dating.. have i posted this topic already?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 14, 2019:

From what I've read here over time on these boards, it appears that for most people on dating sites, esp. average-looking people, that parallel dating rarely comes into play as a choice because of how rare those folks make it far enough in the process to actually meet anyone in person. Thus, the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 14, 2019:

@hippydog Have to just respectfully disagree there dog....I do have a pretty long and detailed profile on Match, but it is more a description of who I am than a checklist of who I want in a partner. And I have only met 5 women in 15 months on there, so you tell me....

Serial vs parallel dating.. have i posted this topic already?

bleurowz comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Heck, I'd be just happy to have a date.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 14, 2019:

Tell me about it. With online dating, average looking folks mostly just sit on the sidelines while the better-looking folks get the vast majority of attention and end up dating lots of others in their league or class and being disappointed, probably because, in my opinion, many of the great-looking tend to be shallow and arrogant folks. There are exceptions, including a gorgeous woman I had a two year platonic friendship with long ago, but my experience bears out my prejudice here.

Florida Woman Put Her Dad with Alzheimer’s on a One-Way Flight to Denver | The Hearty Soul

Redheadedgammy comments on Jan 12, 2019:

Sad, but it seems the elderly are disposable in our society. I've already decided if I should ever be diagnosed with Alzheimer's that I will take my own life and leave this life on my own terms.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 14, 2019:

I wish we had assisted suicide laws here more like those in Europe so I could honestly get the help of a doctor in doing so if I end up needing to do that later on.

Florida Woman Put Her Dad with Alzheimer’s on a One-Way Flight to Denver | The Hearty Soul

mordant comments on Jan 12, 2019:

My stepdaughter has specifically said she does not want to take care of her mother in her dotage. Got right out in front of it. At least we know where we stand.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 14, 2019:

Better now than later when there's little or no time to make other plans.

When you move from dating into a serious relationship with one of those people, what do you tell the...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Don't know if you met these men on a dating site or not, but nowadays it just goes without saying that most women on dating sites are seeing more than one guy at a times and these men may already be assuming that about you. It may not be the case with all women on dating sites, but I'm sure it is ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 14, 2019:

@HeraTera True, everyone has special things about them that are more than skin deep, but on dating sites where people, esp. women, are overwhelmed with the amount of choices and often attention as well, a person's special qualities are never known if they don't have the looks to get accepted for dating in the first place by someone and thus never even meet them.

When you move from dating into a serious relationship with one of those people, what do you tell the...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Don't know if you met these men on a dating site or not, but nowadays it just goes without saying that most women on dating sites are seeing more than one guy at a times and these men may already be assuming that about you. It may not be the case with all women on dating sites, but I'm sure it is ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 13, 2019:

@HeraTera I'm not being sweet, just honest and realistic. Looks are very important on dating sites. Men and women who are at your level of looks have no problem getting lots of interest and dates, but quality relationships, that's another matter regardless of one's level of looks and attractiveness to the opposite sex on dating sites. The amount of options, as you say, are much greater to someone who looks like you than to someone average like me. I'm not jealous or resentful, just be aware that things are much different for people in the lower leagues. I've met 5 women in person on Match in 15 months, which I'm told is about the average for my level of looks and money. Have yet to see anyone more than 3 times. No offense, but I wish I had your problem here. Best wishes.

Mine was, Overgaard Arizona.?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Hampton, Iowa. Pop. 2500. It was hell....

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 13, 2019:

@GreenAtheist Yup. Almost all hicks and rednecks, my least favorite kind of people. You know something is seriously wrong with a community's culture when there are only two bars and ten times as many churches.

Famous songs that are covers - youtube

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

At karaoke every performance is a cover version. Maybe that's why so many people hate it. I enjoy singing karaoke and have done so for 30 years, but a lot of the singers and song choices (esp.) bore me. That's why I've become very picky about what shows I attend. I'm a karaoke and music snob and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 13, 2019:

@BeeHappy Just do a Google search of Karaoke violence and you'll see lots of video clips of it. People who love karaoke, a little tooo much...

On the subject of blocking.

Sticks48 comments on Dec 6, 2018:

I have blocked 94 people. 94 out of some 50,000 members seems reasonable. For most of us, I will bet IRL, out of 50,000 people, you probably wouldn't like 49,000 of them, maybe more. It also cuts down on useless alerts l have to wade through.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 13, 2019:

Uh, oh Sticks, I've only blocked 7 so far. I've got work to do, got to get busy........ " I just called... to say... I hate you..... and I mean it from, the bottom of myyyy heart........" ( With apologies to Stevie, I just couldn't resist!)

Famous songs that are covers - youtube

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

At karaoke every performance is a cover version. Maybe that's why so many people hate it. I enjoy singing karaoke and have done so for 30 years, but a lot of the singers and song choices (esp.) bore me. That's why I've become very picky about what shows I attend. I'm a karaoke and music snob and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 13, 2019:

@BeeHappy You laugh, but that is a serious problem, or has been, in Asia with karaoke shows. People will get stabbed, shot or even murdered for singing a song someone doesn't like or doing a poor job on a song, like some Sinatra song, that a member of the audience feels passionate about. Makes me feel less guilty and much more tolerant in comparison...........

Famous songs that are covers - youtube

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

At karaoke every performance is a cover version. Maybe that's why so many people hate it. I enjoy singing karaoke and have done so for 30 years, but a lot of the singers and song choices (esp.) bore me. That's why I've become very picky about what shows I attend. I'm a karaoke and music snob and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 13, 2019:

@BeeHappy Not at all. I suspect I have more company in my snobbishness at the karaoke shows, but people in my area are too polite and afraid of conflict to be honest about it like me. But lots of them admit it to me privately. It's a Midwest thing called enforced politeness. I try to ignore the bad singers and bad song choices, like country, but I never heckle others and have actually confronted others in the audience when they have done that. I find that totally unacceptable and, like Hannibal Lecter in Silence Of The Lambs, " I despise rudeness", just not as violently as him, lol!

Famous songs that are covers - youtube

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

At karaoke every performance is a cover version. Maybe that's why so many people hate it. I enjoy singing karaoke and have done so for 30 years, but a lot of the singers and song choices (esp.) bore me. That's why I've become very picky about what shows I attend. I'm a karaoke and music snob and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 13, 2019:

@BeeHappy See my edited comment above....

The new york times exposed for sabotaging bernie sanders 2020 - youtube

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 12, 2019:

The MSM is preparing to promote Warren as the Dem candidate for liberals and progressives over Bernie, which is why I am skeptical that she can be trusted to actually hold up as a progressive if she got to be prez. The media only provides fair coverage to those pre-selected by the ruling class to be...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 13, 2019:

@48thRonin I got so disgusted by liberal and progressive women who put gender ahead of principles that supported Hillary over Bernie just because they wanted a female prez so badly even tho they knew Hillary was in no way anything more than a centrist at best.

Empathy.... Can you have too much?

Untamedshrew comments on Jan 12, 2019:

As a social worker, I’d say you can’t have too much empathy. The world needs more. You do need to have strong healthy boundaries, so you don’t give until you drop. If someone is stuck in their pain and unable or unwilling to do the work to heal, there’s not much you can do but empathize.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 13, 2019:

Strongly agree, but if work in a helping profession you also need a huge support system and some sort of good stress reliever or two.

The lyrics in the song are nice.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 12, 2019:

To me, Anne Murray was always country music and I really hate country music. Even tho I've lived my whole life in the middle of where it's very popular, along with Christianity.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 12, 2019:

@UUNJ Yes she did, but most country singers don't. They usually have that ever nasal quality along with a very strong twang to their voice. I hate both qualities as well as the content of most of the songs-sappy sentimentalism, sexist, anti-intellectualism, pro-macho and pro-violence, glorification of alcoholism and poverty- The other thing is that the vast majority of country songs are very easy to sing with very simple, boring melodies. It's by far the easiest genre to sing, so most country singers don't have great voices compared to other genres. At the other end, opera and showtunes are the most difficult and everyone that sings those professionally has otherworldly voices. I prefer music more toward this end of the spectrum.

Earlier this week, I pointed out that AOC’s bluster and unwillingness to compromise would cause ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

The Dems could win with a progressive but they keep pushing corporate Dems like Hillary or Biden because it's what their big donors want. They really don't care what their average supporters think or want, and they sure as hell don't care what the poor or even the working poor want, so they go after...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 12, 2019:

@Rob1948 I guess you didn't learn much from the Occupy experience. The fact is that the middle class is no longer that large and has been rapidly shrinking since the 80s. It will continue to do so even more rapidly with continued outsourcing overseas of jobs and more importantly rapidly increasing automation of jobs. By 2025 the majority of the US will be poor because of these trends. You are wrong sir. Candidates who only speak to the top 10% level of wealth and income are not going to help most of the country, the 99% that Occupy was talking about. You are ignoring the tens of millions of eligible voters who know they are not represented by either party. It's time for candidates and parties that represent the economic interests of the 99%, not just the top 10% like the Dems do. The top 10% is the rich and the upper-middle class, over 100K a year or more. Mainly doctors, lawyers, accountants, execs, management, small business owners, etc. in the upper middle class. Your argument conveniently ignores the fact of class warfare, in which the top 10% have very different, competing economic interests compared to the bottom 90% and consensous is not possible. Only one side can win and this has been going on in one direction since the 80s with neither party fighting back on behalf of the bottom 90%. We have a mess in DC not because we have too much of one extreme running things but because we have a plutocracy, not a real functioning democracy where both parties are owned by the same people and serve them accordingly. Their squabbles over everything but economic and foreign policy( both of which they are very much in agreement) are merely kabbuki theater to make it look like the two parties are really that different.

Hi fellow cat lovers.

GreenAtheist comments on Jan 11, 2019:

Please Tom rescue a kitten somewhere and let that little furr ball take over your heart. ...clean the litter after every use and feed morning noon night with a little cream on the side of the good dry nuggets s/he will nibble all hours away from your lap, shoulders and belly in bed. ...all that ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 12, 2019:

I need someone to date, as long as they are compatible, more than I need a cat. I have a neighbor two doors down with a cat. Quit minimizing my need for human companionship. I appreciate your efforts and attitude of wanting to be my buddy, but you really don't know me very well. I'm not interested in being the brother you never had. It's ironic that the only other person that has pushed me to get a cat is my younger sister, who also doesn't know me very well or get along with me at all. She even pulled a no-show, no explanation or notification for not attending my late wife's memorial service while my other two siblings were there, including one from Puerto Rico. I will never forgive her for that, much less accept advice from her.

Earlier this week, I pointed out that AOC’s bluster and unwillingness to compromise would cause ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

The Dems could win with a progressive but they keep pushing corporate Dems like Hillary or Biden because it's what their big donors want. They really don't care what their average supporters think or want, and they sure as hell don't care what the poor or even the working poor want, so they go after...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 11, 2019:

@MissKathleen It's a needless difficulty they want to have, rather than winning in a landslide with lots of former non-voters electing a progressive. Their strategy is to instead keep trying to eke out a narrow victory among middle class voters instead of trying to get the poor and working poor to turn out for them. The result is prez elections with 50% turnout and narrow victories for one party or the other decided by middle class independent voters, over and over.

Earlier this week, I pointed out that AOC’s bluster and unwillingness to compromise would cause ...

patchoullijulie comments on Jan 11, 2019:

I think it is time for the Democratic party to take a good, long, hard look at themselves and see their voters through a different lens. Times do change and I don't think they are keeping up with those changes as quickly as they should (or I had hoped) They need to be more flexible. Rock on AOC! ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 11, 2019:

@patchoullijulie Exactly. The Dem leaders knew that all the excitement among the voters and Dem supporters was for Bernie, but they wanted Hillary so they rigged it even tho they knew Bernie had a better chance of winning. As long as there are super delegates, it doesn't matter shit what voters or the average Dem supporters want for a candidate.

Earlier this week, I pointed out that AOC’s bluster and unwillingness to compromise would cause ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

The Dems could win with a progressive but they keep pushing corporate Dems like Hillary or Biden because it's what their big donors want. They really don't care what their average supporters think or want, and they sure as hell don't care what the poor or even the working poor want, so they go after...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 11, 2019:

@MissKathleen Problem is a 3rd party prez won't happen anytime soon because of the way the electoral college is set up. Secondly, the media, all corporate, will never allow a 3rd party candidate a fair chance in media coverage. Third, too many people are brainwashed into thinking that 3rd party is a wasted vote and just won't seriously think about voting that way even when they freely admit the Dems are useless and corrupt like we do. They are addicted to supporting the Dems no matter what and need a 12 step program for it!

Earlier this week, I pointed out that AOC’s bluster and unwillingness to compromise would cause ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

The Dems could win with a progressive but they keep pushing corporate Dems like Hillary or Biden because it's what their big donors want. They really don't care what their average supporters think or want, and they sure as hell don't care what the poor or even the working poor want, so they go after...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 11, 2019:

@MissKathleen No shit! The Dems have been that way ever since the DLC was established in the late 80s.

So question for the ladies. Would you ever date/marry down?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

Didn't vote because I'm a man, but I do have an opinion on this and something related. I think women marry down a lot these days on money, but, at least in my area and age group, it appears most of them want to date a man who is their income level or about 15K more than them if possible. I base this...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 11, 2019:

@A2Jennifer Jennifer, I don't think any of those factors you list are influencing the choices either gender is making and most certainly not influencing people at a conscious level. They choose based on what they have a desire for whether it's someone more attractive in looks than others or someone who can spend more on them than others. Breeding and long term survival have nothing to do with it, because I see these trends just as much in people who are already my age when breeding and financially supporting a spouse and kids are already irrelevant.

So question for the ladies. Would you ever date/marry down?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

Didn't vote because I'm a man, but I do have an opinion on this and something related. I think women marry down a lot these days on money, but, at least in my area and age group, it appears most of them want to date a man who is their income level or about 15K more than them if possible. I base this...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 11, 2019:

@NoMagicCookie I get it man, a minority trade looks for money. I'm talking more about trends among the genders in general and regular people who aren't rich or incredibly great looking, where they are not moving that far up or down as far as levels of looks or money. Get it? Quit trying to distort or talk around what I am saying.

So question for the ladies. Would you ever date/marry down?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

Didn't vote because I'm a man, but I do have an opinion on this and something related. I think women marry down a lot these days on money, but, at least in my area and age group, it appears most of them want to date a man who is their income level or about 15K more than them if possible. I base this...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 11, 2019:

@NoMagicCookie You seem to be talking about marrying down regarding money. I'm making comments about dating or marrying down or up based on looks as well as a separate discussion about same regarding money. The trends are different for each discussion.

I have a question for the women in the group.

VictoriaNotes comments on Jan 11, 2019:

Both. It's not about what they do for a living, it's about who they are.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 11, 2019:

I don't care about a woman's type of job, income level, or education level as long as they are smart, either went to some college or self-educated after that, and can pay their own way in a relationship. I can live fine on 40K a year.

Eventually you will❤

VIKingsCFH comments on Jan 10, 2019:

Relationships have become disposable. You'll date someone, or even marry them, give everything to them and still not be good enough. That's why I'm busy growing and learning what makes me happy and then doing it. Who needs the pressure of headache of I introducing someone else into my comfortable ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 11, 2019:

I agree with everything but the last part. Yes they have become disposable to most people, it seems, but not to me. I'm not comfortable resigning myself to going it alone til I die. Not what I want.

Are relationships and dating in 2019 changing the way we think of each other??

linxminx comments on Jan 10, 2019:

The images you posted suggest changes are due to technology. My experience in marriage (which I chose to end in divorce) and subsequently went through a period of dating and being in relationships has taught me that I have changed my thinking related to being a part of a couple, but it has less...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 10, 2019:

Technology and the anonimity it beings allows people to indulge their negative qualities more freely and with more convenience.

[upworthy.

Beowulfsfriend comments on Jan 10, 2019:

No. It won't be the same. Corporate sponsorship and high ticket prices and control.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 10, 2019:

Yup. My late wife attended Woodstock and it wouldn't be the same. She was older than me and told me all about it.

I admire mature communication when I find a woman I am interested in.

Deiter comments on Jan 8, 2019:

I agree. And yet, ghosting is common. I wonder, for the womenfolk, if their ghosting is seen as a matter of security? Telling someone, "I'm not feeling it" could trigger toxic behavior in the right person. I'm sure most women who've fielded offers have experienced this all too often. I've ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 9, 2019:

@Deiter Yes, I get it that with ghosting you can't do anything about their choice of what they did with their power. My comment was about character and what ghosting shows about the ghoster. To me it shows, except for cases of abuse in dating or personal relationships, a lack of empathy and humanity.

I admire mature communication when I find a woman I am interested in.

Deiter comments on Jan 8, 2019:

I agree. And yet, ghosting is common. I wonder, for the womenfolk, if their ghosting is seen as a matter of security? Telling someone, "I'm not feeling it" could trigger toxic behavior in the right person. I'm sure most women who've fielded offers have experienced this all too often. I've ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 9, 2019:

Just because someone has power, I don't feel it entitles them to be a jerk to someone, whether it's a job seeker or another member of a dating site that is interested in them. A poli sci instructor once told me something very profound about how someone's character is revealed. He said people can believe whatever they want about how good, caring or moral they are until they end up actually having some power and are in a position where they are tempted to abuse or misuse it. Until they are tested by that kind of situation, neither they or others really know who they are, characterwise. So, to me, ghosting proves who they really are more than anything else about what kind of person they are. Oneline daters and employers don't have to act like douches just because they hold the power in the situation, but when they do, they reveal who the are.

I admire mature communication when I find a woman I am interested in.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 8, 2019:

Man, can I relate.. .Sorry it's been so bad for you. I've been trading messages with a woman on Match for a couple days now and I think I'm going to just suggest we meet soon. Because even tho the chat has been going fine, we both agree that chemistry, physical attraction, or whatever term you want ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 9, 2019:

@Soarfeet Thanks for the encouragement to get on with it.

As I'm learning...

VictoriaNotes comments on Jan 9, 2019:

It looks good on paper. The thing is --- it appears that the anticipation of happiness, of pleasure, is more dopaminergic (neurochemically rewarding) than, say, the actual experience and is responsible for eliciting goal-directed behavior. (5 minutes) https://youtu.be/axrywDP9Ii0

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 9, 2019:

@VictoriaNotes Thanks Vic. I saw that movie on a first date with a woman from a personal ad back in the early 90s. It says something about me and her that we agreed on wanting to see that movie. No match came out of it, but a 2 year friendship did, since we were both pretty offbeat characters. She liked me as a friend but was way out of my league looks-wise and said so politely when we met. She looked a lot like Julia Roberts and was a minister. The other two quotes you mentioned are also so true.

As I'm learning...

VictoriaNotes comments on Jan 9, 2019:

It looks good on paper. The thing is --- it appears that the anticipation of happiness, of pleasure, is more dopaminergic (neurochemically rewarding) than, say, the actual experience and is responsible for eliciting goal-directed behavior. (5 minutes) https://youtu.be/axrywDP9Ii0

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 9, 2019:

I agree. I sort of think you are talking some here about hope, also. Hope of something good happening out of effort, like trying to find someone to date, motivates the behavior necessary to meet someone, rather than isolating or sitting at home watching TV. Hope gets you motivated to get out and be around people while also helping one feel positive enough to put out positive vibes to others. As was said in The Shawshank Redemption, one of my favorite films, "Hope is a good thing, perhaps the best of things". I wish I had more of it about finding someone.

I read this article today on dating someone you are not yet attracted to.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 8, 2019:

Read it. Sounds like a bunch of idealistic psychobabble. I'm like most people. If someone's pics in a dating profile don't make me feel anything at all or worse, even turn me off on the thought of sex with them, I'm not going to message them on a dating site. If their looks from the pics make me ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 9, 2019:

@ArtzyNerd, @freeofgod I am talking about dating sites. As far as IRL with a friend, has never happened with a friend. I guess that's how the term friendzone originated.

I read this article today on dating someone you are not yet attracted to.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 8, 2019:

Read it. Sounds like a bunch of idealistic psychobabble. I'm like most people. If someone's pics in a dating profile don't make me feel anything at all or worse, even turn me off on the thought of sex with them, I'm not going to message them on a dating site. If their looks from the pics make me ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 9, 2019:

@ArtzyNerd I'm looking for that and chemistry. If the latter is not there after the second meeting, it's not going to happen later, at least not in my experience.

I read this article today on dating someone you are not yet attracted to.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 8, 2019:

Read it. Sounds like a bunch of idealistic psychobabble. I'm like most people. If someone's pics in a dating profile don't make me feel anything at all or worse, even turn me off on the thought of sex with them, I'm not going to message them on a dating site. If their looks from the pics make me ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

@EyesThatSmile Thank you! A woman with honesty about how attraction usually works in practice. I'll admit it's not only about looks, but also a vibe I get about someone's personality that is either confirmed or disproven by finally meeting in person. Their face to face personality either draws you in or clashes with you and pushes you away.

I read this article today on dating someone you are not yet attracted to.

freeofgod comments on Jan 8, 2019:

I know it can. It's happened to me before.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

Never has for me.

What Is Your Opinion On Elizabeth Warren As 2020 Presidential Nominee?

TheInterlooper comments on Jan 8, 2019:

She portrays herself as a champion of the downtrodden. However, her biggest doners are corperate lobbyist. She was also complacent with the DNC subverting democracy in favor of HRC. No thanks. I'm tired of living in a fascist duopoly.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

Of course I would vote for her over Trump, if it came down to them in the general, but I wouldn't expect much from her if she won. She would probably be somewhat less of a corrupt sellout than Obama was, but not that much. Such is the reality of the duopoly the other commenter mentioned.

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

HippieChick58 comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Are you by chance looking for a nurse with a purse? Seriously, I'm happy to have just passed your age cut off. One size does not fit all, and there is nothing worse than being in a relationship just to avoid being alone. Good luck to you.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

@HippieChick58 A wise choice, cheaper, less work, and unconditional love.

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

HippieChick58 comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Are you by chance looking for a nurse with a purse? Seriously, I'm happy to have just passed your age cut off. One size does not fit all, and there is nothing worse than being in a relationship just to avoid being alone. Good luck to you.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

@HippieChick58 Agreed. If I felt that alone, I'd try getting a cat before I'd go that route. I prefer cats over dogs.

The online dating "Scattershot Effect" Years ago i had this friend .

Xuande comments on Jan 8, 2019:

The key there is that he was conventionally attractive. That works in hook up situations because that's all your partner for the night is asking for. You're correct that a lot of people do that shit online, but you remove the attractiveness requirement. Every member is someone at the bar, and you ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

You sound on target to me. (sigh).

I won the rat race! FuckingFlea (my petite tortie female cat) brought it into the house AND LET IT ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Learned something new. I always thought that all cats were killers of both mice and rats. Maybe it's just feral cats that actually live on mice, rats, and birds. I'd heard that feral cats are being captured these days and put to work as mousers to kill and eat mice and rats in buildings. Need to ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

@SurvivorSteph Thank you so much Steph! They are both so cute... I have always loved cats even tho I've never owned one. I grew up with a few and still love to scam off other peeps cats. You weren't a kiddin' about how small FF is.

What do you attract?

SkagwayKim comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Good things, starting after I pulled my head out of my ass and stopped whining and complaining.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

Thanks, Kim. You gave me a great big belly laugh!

What do you attract?

CommonHuman comments on Jan 8, 2019:

Life is more complicated than that. Life is more complicated than most meme platitudes.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

Ain't that the truth. I'm not going to bash anyone for posting them, it's their right of expression on this site just as I have mine, but I'm starting to get annoyed with the constant stream of them day after day. Most of them are very trite and simplistic. Hey folks, we are intellectuals here, at least most of us are, and this stuff is reminding me way too much of the old SNL skits of Deep Thoughts With Jack Handy and Daily Affirmations By Stuart Smalley, In other words, some of it starts to look retarded, to use a non-PC term.

How would you like to repeatedly get the same canned message?

John_Tyrrell comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I expect that if someone did a Venn diagram of "Men sending one line messages" and "Men complaining their messages are not answered" you'd find at least a 90% overlap.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

@John_Tyrrell I know that man, I just thought the 90% was kind of an ironic figure because it's just about the rejection rate for first messages, no matter how well they're written, that's all. No offense meant. Everybody's getting a little touchy tonite.....

How would you like to repeatedly get the same canned message?

John_Tyrrell comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I expect that if someone did a Venn diagram of "Men sending one line messages" and "Men complaining their messages are not answered" you'd find at least a 90% overlap.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

I don't get less than a 90% non-reply rate on Match for first messages and I doubt that most other average-looking men do either. Jus sayin'...

How would you like to repeatedly get the same canned message?

ATDayHiker comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I ignore the canned messages as well. If I can take the time to write a thoughtful message, I expect others can do the same. I just wish the response rate was higher for my messages. The attached image is the first part of a woman's profile that I saw today. It explains what will disqualify any ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

Yeah, she goes way overboard on being too critical of others. No way in hell I would message her even if she looked like Susan Sarandon, one of my longtime crushes. Doubt she's getting many messages.

How as athiest do you determine right from wrong ?

A2Jennifer comments on Jan 7, 2019:

If it doesn’t hurt anyone, it’s not “wrong.” Sometimes it’s inappropriate and we abstain from things because they merely make others uncomfortable (like walking around naked in public). Lawful and moral are only loosely connected. Just because something is legal doesn’t mean it’s ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

Well said and very thorough.

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

ProudMary comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Yeah, women older than 60 are just so damned worthless...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

@Unimatrix907 The four questions you just asked make a good point and I'll concede you're right about those. But bitter and jealous towards this guy? Hardly.... I can say what I think about his values and behavior if he wants to make a spectacle of himself on the forum.

Dixie, the country’s most divisive song

MrControversy comments on Jan 7, 2019:

It was also one of Lincoln’s favorite songs and he was the south’s worst enemy!

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

Go figure.. There's always somebody who sees the same song way differently than others. Reminds me of that Springsteen tune Born In The USA. It's sad that many of his fans have never really listened to the lyrics and got the point that the song is anything but rah, rah patriotism but that's the way most of them act when they hear it at concerts. Got to the point that he was considering dropping it from his concerts because of the frustration with some of the idiot fans.

I was supposed to have a lunch date tomorrow.

BufftonBeotch comments on Jan 7, 2019:

One of those Match.com or another. Just some chat and met for a drink and took a stroll. Suddenly grabbed me in a completely unwanted deep kiss. He was really sweaty. I could not get the smell of his cheap cologne off my body over several days and more showers. Yuck.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

He's lucky you weren't packin', BB......

I was supposed to have a lunch date tomorrow.

Cast1es comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Every man is under the delusion , once a woman meets him , she immediately lusts after him , and takes nothing else into consideration . If she doesn't entice him into her bed , then she immediately becomes a slut . I understand that over time , the meaning of words change . Slut , used to mean a...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

I'm more the opposite. On a first date, the woman would probably about have to jump on me before I'd pick up on her intent, but I've always been that way......

I was supposed to have a lunch date tomorrow.

blumandolin comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Did you ask why he wanted in your pants since you already had an asshole in there. ?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

Good one, I honestly never heard that one before. You are a wit, sir!

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

mikebeed comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I hear Caitlyn Jenner is available.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@PalacinkyPDX Glad I can do something to make you happy. BTW, you've also been reported.

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

mikebeed comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I hear Caitlyn Jenner is available.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@PalacinkyPDX I'm no more bigoted than anyone else here, but glad you have X-ray vision so you can see everything about me, even tho we've never even met. I got the whole thing with Mike's joke all on my own, thank you very much. Would you like your block now or later? You don't know me at all, but you have some company on this site with the same sort of arrogance about others. You are not the court of Agnostic.com, much as you'd like to be. Lighten up......