TomMcGiverin's Profile

Hi everyone! I’m in a dilemma and hoping that I can get some feedback.

vnufall comments on Dec 30, 2018:

There are a lot of people that seem to want to take their time talking before meeting. It doesn't work for me. Talk a little, meet for coffee...if you cant meet in person, forget it. I get suspicious of these folks..what are they hiding??

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

@freeofgod Most men our age, at least the ones worth dating, understand that most women who are divorced or widowed were with someone a long time before being single and have been out of the dating game a long time. We do not expect those women to be smooth, charming or confident about talking to us. We just want them to be themselves, honest, kind, interested and most of all, open, not dishonest or too guarded. But I can see the reluctance they have about dating.

Advice for the ladies. ?

WarmFluffy comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Agreed. Others are mystery boxes or sometimes groomers.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

Could you explain your terms?

Advice for the ladies. ?

Sticks48 comments on Dec 30, 2018:

That one REALLY goes both ways. I had not used social media to carry on conversations until l joined this site ten months ago. What a horrible way to converse with people. I have had plenty of questions go unanswered. Then there are the horribly disjointed conversations. I don't type that fast, so ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

@Sticks48 I've only talked to one woman on the phone from a dating site and it was someone from Match. We traded a few messages and then she made it clear she wanted a screening phone call before she would meet in person. I told her I was fine with that and we talked for an hour and a half, then met two times after that. I would rather have the pressure of a phone interview in that case than many exchanges of e-mails thru Match.

Advice for the ladies. ?

Seeker3CO comments on Dec 30, 2018:

That goes for anyone. Women are just as horrible at responding to all portions of an email or text as men. One question per send needs to be the rule. One fact, one cenral need per text.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

I think I agree with you about how to avoid misunderstandings. One ? or central idea per message?

Advice for the ladies. ?

Sticks48 comments on Dec 30, 2018:

That one REALLY goes both ways. I had not used social media to carry on conversations until l joined this site ten months ago. What a horrible way to converse with people. I have had plenty of questions go unanswered. Then there are the horribly disjointed conversations. I don't type that fast, so ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

Damn right. Which is why I'm relieved to get to either a phone call or an in-person meeting with a woman as soon as it happens. So much less chance of misunderstanding.

Advice for the ladies. ?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Goes both ways. I find it really irritating when I am trading messages with a woman on a dating site and they always reply in very short, text style messages with very brief sentences when I make it obvious I would like them to open up at least a bit more. Plus, they will ignore or fail to respond ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

@Wangobango3 I take pride in always having been able to express myself well in writing, usually better than in speaking. I would not want a partner who saw conversation or communicating as a chore or who was controlling about communication.

Advice for the ladies. ?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Goes both ways. I find it really irritating when I am trading messages with a woman on a dating site and they always reply in very short, text style messages with very brief sentences when I make it obvious I would like them to open up at least a bit more. Plus, they will ignore or fail to respond ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

@HippieChick58 It is not gender-based, I think it is a combination of how closed and guarded you want to be in communicating as well as generational. Younger people have shorter attention spans and also prefer to do all or most of their communication in phone text style-very short sentences, don't care about spelling or word choice much. All about rapid exchange and frequency of exchange. I detest that style of communication and have never learned to text.

Advice for the ladies. ?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Goes both ways. I find it really irritating when I am trading messages with a woman on a dating site and they always reply in very short, text style messages with very brief sentences when I make it obvious I would like them to open up at least a bit more. Plus, they will ignore or fail to respond ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

@HippieChick58 Thank you, that's the way I see it. The other person may be just trying to control the interaction by being vague, mysterious, and showing that they will be as guarded as they like, while you are obligated to be open and honest, etc. And what's an even bigger crock is when a woman plays this type of messaging game with a profile that spouts the usual cliches about how she values open, honest communication, etc. Now before I hear someone defend that practice as " she only means she values or does that AFTER she starts dating someone", well then, isn't behaving different than that in messaging showing sort of a bad faith, hypocritical tack to take as well as being selfish?

Loneliness

K9Kohle789 comments on Dec 29, 2018:

I'm not only lonely during holidays (horror days), I cope with it daily. I have 2 dogs and used to live in NH where people I am familiar with live but I moved to FL thinking to meet people here & I hate snow. At first a girl on CL was looking for friends to go bar hopping with on Fri nites. I LOVE ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

Hang in there. You sound like a smart, experienced survivor.

Controlling your Atheism...

K9Kohle789 comments on Dec 29, 2018:

I just tell most people I consider religion the opiate of the masses, created for control issues. Most don't have an answer for that. It's hard to argue magic vs logic. I don't care what others believe unless they want to spout it all the time.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

Here, here.. I seldom comment on it to people I don't know because I don't care what they believe or don't on religion and they're keeping it to themselves anyway.

Political affiliation and religious belief

Untamedshrew comments on Dec 30, 2018:

I’m agnostic/atheist and could be called a socialist, or anarcho-syndicalist; I’m about ready to burn this mother down lol. In the US, both political parties represent the wealthy, powerful, corporate interests. I align more with the D team ideologically, but I’m no longer interested in the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

I hear you. Don't you get sick of the Dem loyalists lecturing us about "wasting our votes" by not voting Dem.?

Lesson learned: When a woman tells you not to date a man because xyz, find out if xyz is actually ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

True, gossip (not saying this was the case with you) is not always true and can be motivated by selfishness, jealousy, etc., so be careful in acting upon it.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

@ProudMary Guess you know now who you can trust on those things.

Is this a dating site?

LiterateHiker comments on Dec 29, 2018:

Although I have a few crushes, (here's looking at you, @GuyKeith), there are no men in my age group who live near me. I love Agnostic.com because of the intelligent, warm, caring, thoughtful and funny members. It's a joy to read and reply to posts by like-minded people. With 3/4 of American ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

I applaud that you are open about not wanting to date someone overweight, but if a man says the same thing, I bet he will get bashed for being shallow or worse, even tho that is how most men feel.

I kind of lost myself this past summer.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 29, 2018:

I haven't done that and never would, but I can understand what motivated you to do that. We all want to feel attractive, wanted, and be with someone. All of that is healthy, at least in my mind and it doesn't by itself make you codependent or dysfunctional. I don't judge you and am glad you learned ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 29, 2018:

@Cabsmom Well. whenever any of us feels the way you did, it makes us weak. I guess the lesson is that at least some that behave short of their values are not bad people. They may just be going thru a period of being lost and weak. I used to think only bad people cheated, for that matter, but I've learned different as I got older.

Political affiliation and religious belief

Al-Bundy_59 comments on Dec 28, 2018:

I was going to do a poll like this but it seems redundant to ask which political party you support on an athiest site. I don't understand how you can say you're an athiest and vote Republican. What would be your issue that makes you support the RNC, taxes, guns, imigration, that would make you ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 29, 2018:

My guess is that lots of Libertarian atheists support the Repubs for guns, taxes, immigration, and most of all, free market economics because they feel that voting LIb. in general elections is a waste. Same as socialists and progressives that hold their nose and vote Dem in general elections so they don't feel they're wasting their vote.

What would cause you to end a relationship?

genessa comments on Dec 22, 2018:

i have ended three romantic relationships. i had one ended for me by the other party because he found someone else, but we both knew we were basically friends with benefits anyway. the first relationship i ended was my first sexual one, and every time we made love, it hurt. i left him for a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 29, 2018:

@genessa Not familiar with that emo icon.

What would cause you to end a relationship?

genessa comments on Dec 22, 2018:

i have ended three romantic relationships. i had one ended for me by the other party because he found someone else, but we both knew we were basically friends with benefits anyway. the first relationship i ended was my first sexual one, and every time we made love, it hurt. i left him for a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 29, 2018:

@genessa Well, we humans seem better at holding back our appetites than your dogs and cats would be. Maybe that's because you're doing so for your loved one.

What would cause you to end a relationship?

genessa comments on Dec 22, 2018:

i have ended three romantic relationships. i had one ended for me by the other party because he found someone else, but we both knew we were basically friends with benefits anyway. the first relationship i ended was my first sexual one, and every time we made love, it hurt. i left him for a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 29, 2018:

@genessa Glad you are more patient than I am. This kind of experience involves tons of it.

2018 is ending soon, have you found love here?

Stepmomofdragons comments on Dec 28, 2018:

Nope. Just horny men who showed me their naked white asses without my consent. ?

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 29, 2018:

@Kojaksmom Shows that even some of our fellow atheists and agnostics can be just as immoral and dishonest as believers. I've lost my illusions about our group as well.

What would cause you to end a relationship?

genessa comments on Dec 22, 2018:

i have ended three romantic relationships. i had one ended for me by the other party because he found someone else, but we both knew we were basically friends with benefits anyway. the first relationship i ended was my first sexual one, and every time we made love, it hurt. i left him for a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 28, 2018:

@genessa That's quite understandable. In my case, with my wife's only remaining family living in New York, the plan was for her to stay here in Iowa and be looked after by her longtime friend who was a nurse. She had POA authority for my wife if I died first.

True Love is when two people lower their standards enough to make it work.

MsDemeanour comments on Dec 27, 2018:

Don't be such a cynic. Compromise is the word you're looking for, NOT lowering standards. :p

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 28, 2018:

@MsDemeanour Yup, if you lived near me, I'd want to meet. Too bad this site is pretty much made up of people living large distances from other members.

True Love is when two people lower their standards enough to make it work.

MsDemeanour comments on Dec 27, 2018:

Don't be such a cynic. Compromise is the word you're looking for, NOT lowering standards. :p

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 28, 2018:

@MsDemeanour Thanks for the compliment MsD. I think the fact that my wife's previous hubby was an alcoholic and drug addict that also cheated on her probably lowered the bar quite a bit for her on character, but if so I'm glad it worked out well for us. I know that if she had still been with him later when she got dementia he would have been too messed up himself to have stayed with her and looked after her. Maybe that's what she was preparing for when she got involved with me, I'll never know..but she already knew there was a family history of dementia and that she would eventually get it. I was also aware of this when I married her.

True Love is when two people lower their standards enough to make it work.

MsDemeanour comments on Dec 27, 2018:

Don't be such a cynic. Compromise is the word you're looking for, NOT lowering standards. :p

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 28, 2018:

@MsDemeanour Perhaps you were. I feel like my late wife probably "settled" some in choosing to be with me, but in other ways maybe not. By the time she met me what she seemed to care about most in a man was his character, not his money/status or even being good-looking. I was way better character than her ex and was also very supportive and nurturing to her, unlike the ex, so I think that counted a lot to her. She didn't need a man with lots of money or status because she already had a good career and her own money. Just needed someone to share time and life with her and also respect her independent nature. So, the ? of if she settled depends, I suppose, on what things someone values the most in a partner..and those things most valued depend on the individual. Some really value good looks and great sex in a partner, some value money and status in a partner, some value having all or most of the same interests, etc. and would consider choosing a partner who lacked in the high value areas to be settling in choosing them even if the person was very compatible in everything else. Since no one is perfect or ideal, we are all probably settling in some ways without even knowing it and, but the more obvious cases of settling are the ones people talk about.

True Love is when two people lower their standards enough to make it work.

EEEClair comments on Dec 28, 2018:

I have been lucky throughout my life to have had some special relationships. I'm good friends with my 2 ex-husbands. The third died 8 years ago, and I still miss him like mad. My formula for a successful relationship is finding someone with whom your neurosis are compatible. We've all got them, and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 28, 2018:

You may have something there with the matching neurosis theory, but I disagree with lowering expectations as the road to happy relationships.

True Love is when two people lower their standards enough to make it work.

MsDemeanour comments on Dec 27, 2018:

Don't be such a cynic. Compromise is the word you're looking for, NOT lowering standards. :p

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 28, 2018:

@MsDemeanour Very important. I think many people do lower their standards for the type of partner as the lesser evil than being alone.

What would cause you to end a relationship?

genessa comments on Dec 22, 2018:

i have ended three romantic relationships. i had one ended for me by the other party because he found someone else, but we both knew we were basically friends with benefits anyway. the first relationship i ended was my first sexual one, and every time we made love, it hurt. i left him for a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 28, 2018:

@genessa My late wife suffered from dementia, so I understand your situation some. I wish you the best for the rest of your time together. I won't be easy, but you have the right attitude. You are exactly right about the situation, there is no way out, etc..

True Love is when two people lower their standards enough to make it work.

MsDemeanour comments on Dec 27, 2018:

Don't be such a cynic. Compromise is the word you're looking for, NOT lowering standards. :p

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 28, 2018:

All successful relationships involve compromise on how you spend your time together, what activities you share, what your plans are for the future, etc. At the same time you are doing this you can do so without lowering your standards for the type or quality of person you choose going into and during the relationship.

Last 1-10pm shift! Ugh.

freeofgod comments on Dec 28, 2018:

Seems there's no normal shifts. My kid works a 6am/6pm two shifts then 6pm/6am two shifts. Rotating every two days. Then has three days off. It sucks. Corporations benefit. Workers suffer.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 28, 2018:

Corporations work you like robots, no consideration for you having any security or a personal life, that is, until they can replace you with a robot, which is even cheaper for them.

Beto O’Rourke Is A FRAUD - YouTube

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

I was cynical about this guy as soon as the Dems began touting him. Not surprised he turned out to be another fraud. I guess I will always be skeptical of new faces in the Dem circle that claim to be progressive after being suckered by John Edwards, the ultimate fraud, back in his time. Better to...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 28, 2018:

@EdEarl Gee, like I always say about lottery jackpots, I think I could somehow scrape by on just a single million..... Might have to do without that boat or a second home, lol!

Beto O’Rourke Is A FRAUD - YouTube

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

I was cynical about this guy as soon as the Dems began touting him. Not surprised he turned out to be another fraud. I guess I will always be skeptical of new faces in the Dem circle that claim to be progressive after being suckered by John Edwards, the ultimate fraud, back in his time. Better to...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 28, 2018:

@EdEarl Any Dem would be better than nutcase Cruz for a seat in congress.

"Some women appreciate being recognized for what they do or who they are more so than for what they ...

jondspen comments on Dec 26, 2018:

Really? Is that why there is a billion dollar weight loss and make up industry? Is that why every woman's magazine I see at the grocery store always has on the cover some article about losing weight and looking good? Ahhhh....yes, there are some women who don't care about their looks. But ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 27, 2018:

@Donotbelieve OMG, she finally admits she was wrong about something...Yes, now that you've shown a trace of humility and fairness, we can get on to working out a truce with you, me, jon, and whoever. I was just about ready to block you.

"Some women appreciate being recognized for what they do or who they are more so than for what they ...

jondspen comments on Dec 26, 2018:

Really? Is that why there is a billion dollar weight loss and make up industry? Is that why every woman's magazine I see at the grocery store always has on the cover some article about losing weight and looking good? Ahhhh....yes, there are some women who don't care about their looks. But ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 27, 2018:

@Donotbelieve You attitude is unbelievable. You remind me of the Repubs, never concede a point, even when you are wrong, just because it would look weak. Keep repeating it long enough and it will look like you won, etc.

"Some women appreciate being recognized for what they do or who they are more so than for what they ...

jondspen comments on Dec 26, 2018:

Really? Is that why there is a billion dollar weight loss and make up industry? Is that why every woman's magazine I see at the grocery store always has on the cover some article about losing weight and looking good? Ahhhh....yes, there are some women who don't care about their looks. But ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 27, 2018:

@Donotbelieve Never ignored it, never denied it....Not the same as coming out and admitting it or agreeing here in print with jon. Would it kill you to have done so?

Movie night! What is your favorite drama?

RonB comments on May 15, 2018:

Probably an old Paul Newman movie that I saw in my youth called Cool Hand Luke....and the line that has always stuck in my mind and so relatable to me at the time...."What we have here is a failure to communicate".

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 27, 2018:

One of my all time favs. Fav line is " I wish you'd quit being so good to me, Captain".

What do you think about the connection between those who long to follow rules, who actually feel ...

Geektheist comments on Dec 26, 2018:

I think it's a desire to not be responsible for decisions, actions, and the consequences. People want to abdicate control in return for not feeling solely responsible. Makes them feel safe. I abhor that mindset.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 27, 2018:

@Diana78 I hate that too and have never had or sought friendship with people who are too chicken shit to rock the boat or not follow the herd because they were afraid or cared more about being popular and getting perks from others. Here in Iowa we have "Iowa Nice" and enforced politeness (which is a Midwest thing) as cultural norms that you damn well better follow or you will be severely ostracized and shunned like the Amish do if you resist. People are so scared of conflict and as a result so phony and fake in order to fit in and get along or ahead. I have rejected it since I was a teenager and proud of it. Never been popular or gave a damn about it, but I always knew my friends were true and I had enough to get me by.

"Some women appreciate being recognized for what they do or who they are more so than for what they ...

jondspen comments on Dec 26, 2018:

Really? Is that why there is a billion dollar weight loss and make up industry? Is that why every woman's magazine I see at the grocery store always has on the cover some article about losing weight and looking good? Ahhhh....yes, there are some women who don't care about their looks. But ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 27, 2018:

@jondspen At the very least, jon is right in his statements about how women (maybe not even most women on this site, but most of them in our society) judge, objectify men just as much as most men in the society objectify women. My experience, as well as that of most men in the dating game, esp. online, have borne that out as well as the studies of online dating behavior and attraction on those sites. Donotbelieve, could you at least concede that point to him?

Hey folks.

patchoullijulie comments on Dec 25, 2018:

I'm not into musicals but HAIR is one of the exceptions. Jesus Christ Superstar is another one.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 26, 2018:

And Godspell, those three are the rock musical trilogy of my youth. I sing regularly at a karaoke show, but rarely perform showtunes. When I do it's usually from these three musicals or Evita. The only one I sing from Hair is The Flesh Failures because I love the anti-war lyrics of it. I always find a couple women who know the song to help me with it.

I am seeing too damned many cases of people, particularly (but not solely) from people on the ...

JackPedigo comments on Dec 24, 2018:

Libertarians, in light of their non-belief think they fit in here. Thing is, their politics belong to the believing conservatives.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 25, 2018:

@maturin1919 And yet they are hypocrites who will gladly accept unemployment benefits, Social Security and Medicare when it is offered.

I am seeing too damned many cases of people, particularly (but not solely) from people on the ...

JackPedigo comments on Dec 24, 2018:

Libertarians, in light of their non-belief think they fit in here. Thing is, their politics belong to the believing conservatives.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 24, 2018:

@JackPedigo Yes, there are centrists and independents here, but I bet they are a small minority on Agnostic. My guess is that most members are towards one of the ends of the spectrum, as are most intellectuals and people with high education levels. My guess is everyone on here is an intellectual, whether they identify as such or not. Following traditional religion is not mutually exclusive to that, but I haven't met an atheist or agnostic yet who is not more intellectual than the average, churchgoing believer. It seems like only intellectuals have the brains and curiosity to question religion and come to figure out what makes sense for them as individuals, otherwise it's easier to just follow the herd.

I am seeing too damned many cases of people, particularly (but not solely) from people on the ...

JackPedigo comments on Dec 24, 2018:

Libertarians, in light of their non-belief think they fit in here. Thing is, their politics belong to the believing conservatives.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 24, 2018:

I despise Libertarian thinking and their politics. And I know that non-belief is the main thing most of them have in common with the rest of us members, but I don't feel lefty or liberal political beliefs should be the only ones welcome here. If they can debate and play in a civil manner here, I 'm glad to have them around, even tho I will always disagree with them on politics. Maybe that's why I mostly stay off the Politics threads.

Hi gang just a curious questions for men & women what are you looking for in eachother in a ...

VineetHonkan comments on Dec 24, 2018:

Well, personally, for me, it's a few things. My partner must be kind, understanding, intelligent, must be able to hold a good conversation, wouldn't mind getting wild, and then there is the attractiveness factor (yes, I know, objectify etc).

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 24, 2018:

@UUNJ Thank you for giving men permission to be honest about what is true with both genders.

Experts: Medicare-For-All Is Viable And Would Save The Gov’t Billions Annually

wordywalt comments on Dec 23, 2018:

Thanks to the Republicans, we are the only industrialized nation which does not provide universal health care. That shows how little they really care about people as a whole.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 24, 2018:

@wordywalt Medicare as it as, as well as Medicaid, are socialist programs. So is Social Security. If people are too stupid to be scared by the term Socialism used by the Repubs, then I guess Forrest Gump's mom was right, stupid is as stupid does and they get the policies they deserve.

On to a new man.

MarkiusMahamius comments on Dec 22, 2018:

He's going to ask you for money next week.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 24, 2018:

@MarkiusMahamius Aww, you softy.....

Almost that time of the year again.......

mordant comments on Dec 23, 2018:

That's still fairly fresh. I'm sorry for your loss. Since I have four dates for the untimely deaths of four immediate family members over the past 20 years, I try to remind myself that a death coinciding with a holiday or season is of no actual significance and I do my best not to focus on such ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 24, 2018:

I like your attitude.

[thinkprogress.

HippieChick58 comments on Dec 22, 2018:

They live so far above common people they have no idea what real people live like. We need more real people in congress.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 24, 2018:

@Looking4-Others What do you mean by Justice Dems?

On to a new man.

MarkiusMahamius comments on Dec 22, 2018:

He's going to ask you for money next week.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 23, 2018:

A true cynic. Hope you are wrong here.

[thinkprogress.

HippieChick58 comments on Dec 22, 2018:

They live so far above common people they have no idea what real people live like. We need more real people in congress.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 23, 2018:

Real people don't have the money and time to run, except maybe doctors or lawyers.

Is touch important?

DeeWoman comments on Apr 30, 2018:

I have been alone so long that I sometimes find myself craving touch. But not just any touch. Loving, tender touch by someone I trust and care for. I dislike being touched by strangers or people I don't trust. I remember seeing a documentary from the 50s where they used these sad little orphan ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 22, 2018:

I'm familiar with that study. The sad thing is that when you get to my age even most of your friends don't do hugs on a regular basis when we meet, so you/I really miss out on experiencing regular affection if you don't date and have no kids, like me.

General Motors CEO Collects $22 Million Salary While Cutting 15,000 Jobs

KKGator comments on Dec 22, 2018:

As long as this kind of thing is allowed to continue, nothing will ever be changed. It doesn't matter what the government does.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 22, 2018:

@callmedubious Dems have sold out the middle and working class just as much as the Repubs. That's how this downward slide in living standards for all but the top 10% has continued since Reagan.

I just feel people are getting emotionless currently.

Stephanie99 comments on Dec 21, 2018:

One thing that I have noticed on dating sites, it is that some of those people aren't there anymore. The site wants to make money and seem popular so they don't take people down when they leave. When you aren't getting responses, it might be because the person isn't there anymore. You may do better ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 22, 2018:

I don't know about the other sites, but on Match it's very easy to see which profiles are dead or zombie profiles, where the member has not been active on the site for quite a while. Those profiles have no green dot of any type next to the member's name. I never bother messaging those profiles, but sometimes I still get fooled because there will be some type of green dot (full or partially filled) next to the name, but the member is already gone for good from the site because they only had a free one-week trial membership. As far as being there for the wrong reasons, some people may be married or on there just to stroke their ego about how much interest they can get without ever wanting to meet or date anybody. If so, either they have more money than me to blow on this or they are getting a free membership if they are a woman. And of course there are scammers on for the wrong reasons.

The article was authored by a woman, coincidentally: Studies of middle-aged people who had gone ...

jondspen comments on Dec 21, 2018:

I wonder why men would become more neurotic? The woman gets treated like a victim and innocent princess, and the man gets treated like the crap from bacteria that were just munching on skunk crap. 65% divorces initiated by women after the man has spent about 10 years working to help invest in a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 22, 2018:

jon, I am reluctant to weigh in with an opinion on your comment or the situation of divorced men, tho I do not at all doubt your truthfulness. I just have so little data to go on having never experienced it myself and known only one guy that went thru a divorce. He was a co-worker and it seemed clear that he got financially raped in the divorce as well as later on in the support agreements, but even tho I felt bad for him about that, I could see why his ex went for blood and total scorched earth on him. He had been a private practice social worker and he had cheated on his ex with a client of his, which was wrong in so many ways. He ended up marrying the woman, but boy did he pay for years and years financially and having to leave his profession for a long time. So, what I learned from his experience is that some times the guy deserves to suffer big, but I was also left with the question, what is so right about our system if any guy whose wife is out for blood and hires a shark can do this to someone, whether the guy was that horrible or not?

It is said that true love never dies.

VictoriaNotes comments on Dec 21, 2018:

There's more in this 2-minute video than what Pat Robertson recommended -- divorce. Towards the end, it's very touching. Kinda made me teary-eyed. https://youtu.be/vsaqfP87Z58

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 21, 2018:

@VictoriaNotes Hey, we all have our creases, wrinkles, scars, etc. that come with age and our experiences. Some on the inside, some on the outside. Best to laugh and enjoy them or be proud of them.

BANNING OTHERS IS BAD FORM.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 21, 2018:

Got to agree with Carin. I don't know about banning anyone from the site. Haven't seen anyone act so abusive that I would seek that from the admins., but I have blocked several people already and am glad I have that option. Some people harrass and others are just full of shit. Hence, I block. Spend ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 21, 2018:

@Jacar Anybody can speak the truth, even if only occasionally, whether they're a shit, as you say, or a great person. Example, even Trump, from time to time.

It is said that true love never dies.

VictoriaNotes comments on Dec 21, 2018:

There's more in this 2-minute video than what Pat Robertson recommended -- divorce. Towards the end, it's very touching. Kinda made me teary-eyed. https://youtu.be/vsaqfP87Z58

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 21, 2018:

@VictoriaNotes Wow...I just assumed from your photo your experience was recent, would never have thought it was that long ago. Thank you for sharing. Losing a spouse who has severe mental illness, dementia or with severe condition from TBI is not something most people understand or want to hear about. It makes us feel isolated and embarrassed. I appreciate your advocacy efforts too.

It is said that true love never dies.

Bobbyzen comments on Dec 21, 2018:

My mother recently experienced a quick onset of dementia. She and my dad have been married for 71 years and still live in their home with a live-nurse—mom can no longer feed or dress or bathe herself. She doesn’t speak much, but when she does she speaks to people who’ve passed as if they are ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 21, 2018:

@Bobbyzen You're right and I just edited my comment. My apology for coming off like an oaf with my fumbled word choice. Tried typing too fast and not really thinking thru word choice. Meant sympathy instead of condolences. Glad your father is staying so connected with her as much as possible.

It is said that true love never dies.

VictoriaNotes comments on Dec 21, 2018:

There's more in this 2-minute video than what Pat Robertson recommended -- divorce. Towards the end, it's very touching. Kinda made me teary-eyed. https://youtu.be/vsaqfP87Z58

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 21, 2018:

@VictoriaNotes I hate the whole idea of the Suffering Olympics, but I am very humbled by what you have just shared. I can't begin to imagine how tough all of that had to have been. My situation was much less complicated or tough. Suicide is something I've heard is so painful to endure as a surviving partner. I hope you don't feel the amount of guilt that most in your position feel and you shouldn't. It sounds like he was trying to save or spare suffering for you and your child with his act and none of this was your fault. I would have lost it and not been able to keep on if I had been in your shoes for your total experience, doubt many people could. Sounds like you were a wonderful partner to him and, once again, I wish you the best and admire your strength. You will make a great partner again for someone if and when you feel like trying again. Feel free to message me once in a while and let me know how you're doing. I'm glad you have your daughter to comfort you. She's a lucky girl.

It is said that true love never dies.

Bobbyzen comments on Dec 21, 2018:

My mother recently experienced a quick onset of dementia. She and my dad have been married for 71 years and still live in their home with a live-nurse—mom can no longer feed or dress or bathe herself. She doesn’t speak much, but when she does she speaks to people who’ve passed as if they are ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 21, 2018:

Your father is a better man than I am. You and your parents have my sympathy/empathy and best wishes for the rest of the journey. It's funny you mentioned it, my wife would talk to her dead mother and brothers late in her dementia too.

It is said that true love never dies.

VictoriaNotes comments on Dec 21, 2018:

There's more in this 2-minute video than what Pat Robertson recommended -- divorce. Towards the end, it's very touching. Kinda made me teary-eyed. https://youtu.be/vsaqfP87Z58

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 21, 2018:

@VictoriaNotes I appreciate that. Wish you the best too.

It is said that true love never dies.

VictoriaNotes comments on Dec 21, 2018:

There's more in this 2-minute video than what Pat Robertson recommended -- divorce. Towards the end, it's very touching. Kinda made me teary-eyed. https://youtu.be/vsaqfP87Z58

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 21, 2018:

@VictoriaNotes Thanks, Victoria. I agree with most of what you say here, but neither my wife or I wanted for me to find someone before she died. That didn't seem right to either of us and even if it seemed right to both of us I can say from experience that while she was suffering and dying I only had enough in me to cope with looking after her. I don't see how anybody in that situation would have anything left to give another woman or even have the desire to date or find someone. But I can only speak for me. I never thought of abandoning her and I hope no one in my shoes would abandon me if I became debilitated, but you never know when you agree to share your life with someone. Just visited your profile and saw you have been widowed and studied neuroscience, so you know a lot more about this situation than most people here. Thank you again for choosing and posting this video, even if it's unpleasant.

It is said that true love never dies.

VictoriaNotes comments on Dec 21, 2018:

There's more in this 2-minute video than what Pat Robertson recommended -- divorce. Towards the end, it's very touching. Kinda made me teary-eyed. https://youtu.be/vsaqfP87Z58

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 21, 2018:

@VictoriaNotes That was painful to watch, even tho my wife's been gone two years. We did talk about it very early on and agreed on what to do as things proceeded, made plans for her care. My family even encouraged me to divorce her if she lived long enough for her medical care to bankrupt us but that never became an issue as she died relatively soon for dementia. She loved for me to sing to her, like the guy in the video. I find myself reluctant to judge anyone who loses someone to dementia (even tho I'm fairly judgemental in general) and my wife told me early on she wanted me to find someone else after she died. Yeah, that video's segment with the old couple is too close to home.

It is said that true love never dies.

JackPedigo comments on Dec 21, 2018:

Does he really know who she is. She is different. I think if my late partner had this kind of malady I would grow tired very quickly. People with chronic debilitation diseases are often very stressful to live with. This is reality.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 21, 2018:

I say let's cut Jack some slack here. I don't see him as some heartless person and I've been thru some of this. He's honestly questioning whether he could handle it and I applaud his humility about that. I questioned my capacity to handle my situation both before my wife developed dementia and then all during the process. I didn't think I would be able to get thru it or handle it partly because my wife had been very independent and strong, hated having to be helped by others or be dependent. Dressing her was even stressful because of that. I've never had kids nor acted as a parent before, so that made it harder to care for her and increased my fear being able to care for her. And having my role change from partner to parent and caretaker was very stressful for both of us. Maybe Jack or even me should not be a hospice volunteer anytime soon. I know I don't want to be. But he's right, I kept loving my wife, but her disease made our relationship very stressful for both of us. Seeker, you're right about the humanity of dementia patients and no, they are not disposable things, but the stress is there and it's coupled with the fact that you are also grieving and mourning the loss of who they used to be the same time you are caring for them, which is not the same as the facility staff who did not know them or love them before they became ill. It's a lot to experience all at the same time.

For all you that thought Beto O’rouke was a potential for President

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 20, 2018:

Glad he's being debunked. We've had more than our share of Trojan Horse Dems like Obama and both Clintons talking like progressives when it suits them, but actually just as much on the side of the oligarchs and corporations as the Repubs. I figured as much about this guy, glad he's being discredited...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 21, 2018:

@maturin1919 Keep making excuses for him. We're done.

For all you that thought Beto O’rouke was a potential for President

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 20, 2018:

Glad he's being debunked. We've had more than our share of Trojan Horse Dems like Obama and both Clintons talking like progressives when it suits them, but actually just as much on the side of the oligarchs and corporations as the Repubs. I figured as much about this guy, glad he's being discredited...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 21, 2018:

@maturin1919 He says as the corrupt Dems keep moving further to the right every cycle. You are right about how things are, but I will not keep settling for that with the Dems, which is why so many don't vote anymore. But I will continue to vote and bitch about the system and how things are, which is my right, because I do vote anyway, just not for parties I can't respect that don't actually represent me at all. As long as I vote for someone, I have a right to bitch. If I don't vote, I shouldn't complain. Don't waste your time or mine by replying with the usual crap about wasted votes, etc. because maybe total collapse in the US is needed to actually get us real change, just like in the Depression.

For all you that thought Beto O’rouke was a potential for President

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 20, 2018:

Glad he's being debunked. We've had more than our share of Trojan Horse Dems like Obama and both Clintons talking like progressives when it suits them, but actually just as much on the side of the oligarchs and corporations as the Repubs. I figured as much about this guy, glad he's being discredited...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 21, 2018:

@maturin1919 He did cave and I wanted him to run on the Green Party, which had ballot access in all states by then and had offered to let him head the ticket after the Dems screwed him. No, I wouldn't have wanted him to endorse Trump. Get your head out of the duopoly.

More bull shit the Washington idiots support .

Carin comments on Dec 21, 2018:

The GOP is still worse.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 21, 2018:

Yes, but only when it comes to identity politics and the culture wars, all of which is a distraction to keep voters from looking at how much the parties are alike on war, economics, empire, the environment, civil liberties, etc. The things that really matter a hell of a lot more in the long run as far as being able to survive without living on the street and not dying prematurely from being poor or unemployed. Getting attention, lip service, and status from the Dems on race, abortion rights, immigration rights, sexual orientation, feminism may leave people feeling warm and fuzzy, but it won't give them jobs, housing, food, healthcare that's affordable, and an end to wars for oil and empire. All stuff the Dems have failed to give Americans since the 60s even when they held the power to do it.

People with the healthiest personality types have these three qualities

Seeker3CO comments on Dec 20, 2018:

Always holding up some ideal, something to become, leaves so many feeling like this is a never ending struggle to achieve what the latest study says will make you happy, desirable, healthy... the ONE. Instead, why not truly embrace who we are? Accept that person as good and then bolstering our ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 20, 2018:

I think the Indigo Girls addressed this whole "perfecting the self" crap in Closer To Fine.

If I have the intention of dating, should I reveal that I am unemployed, have learning difficulties ...

genessa comments on Dec 19, 2018:

you just did! to tell you the truth, if i were dating, i wouldn't look at people's profiles unless i liked what they said on subjects other than dating, on the community side of this site. once i got to know and like someone that way and we began to message, i would be less put off (if put off ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 20, 2018:

@genessa Maybe, went back and looked at his original post, seemed kind of ambiguous. Doesn't matter to me now, done here.

Why Having a Crush Is Good for You – LOVE/HATE – Medium

TristanNuvo comments on Dec 19, 2018:

I've had many over the years, and hope to for many years to come. But the biggest crush I've ever had was Isabella Rossellini. It wasn't just her looks, but she has that light Italian accent which I love. I had many of fantasies and dreams about here back in the day.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 20, 2018:

" She wore bluuuueee velvet..."

If I have the intention of dating, should I reveal that I am unemployed, have learning difficulties ...

genessa comments on Dec 19, 2018:

you just did! to tell you the truth, if i were dating, i wouldn't look at people's profiles unless i liked what they said on subjects other than dating, on the community side of this site. once i got to know and like someone that way and we began to message, i would be less put off (if put off ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 20, 2018:

He seems to be talking about paid dating sites, not here. Different approaches for different sites.

THE INSANITY OF WOMEN IN "ON-LINE" "DATING.

Eric_in_bham comments on Dec 19, 2018:

Yes it is, in person, this is why online dating sucks so bad, you can't look them in the eyes and convey any sincerity we are all just fuck boys on a website cause there's a percentage present who are disrespectful and now somehow if you can't come up with an essay you're not original or worth ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 20, 2018:

@Marcie1974 I get about your amount of messages per week in one month of my time, and I write a hell of a lot more messages than you write. I like to think I'm not that worse looking than you either. I write exactly the kind of messages you are suggesting after carefully reading all of the woman's profile. Some of them don't even read my profile, such as sending me a Like or a message when they are a conservative. What a fucking joke.

THE INSANITY OF WOMEN IN "ON-LINE" "DATING.

maturin1919 comments on Dec 19, 2018:

When you get as many 'hellos' as the average woman on a dating app you'll start responding only to the ones that stand out too. It's a simple numbers game.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 20, 2018:

It's a problem I'd rather have than feeling like sending messages is a waste of time no matter how well I do them,

THE INSANITY OF WOMEN IN "ON-LINE" "DATING.

jondspen comments on Dec 19, 2018:

I agree. I understand women get a lot of messages, but like I said elsewhere, I use to spend 20-30 on an initial response, just to be ignored. I now give a very generic message "Hi, nice pics and profile. How are you doing?". After all, I have a well wrote out profile and current pics, so while ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 20, 2018:

@jondspen We'll see how slammed we get for making gender generalizations. Doncha think that many times the women with profile essays saying no games, no drama are maybe doing a little projection there?

A discussion on a thread tonite has got me curious about the music tastes of the community here.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 19, 2018:

So far country is the next to last place genre, just about what I expected. No surprise there's not a NASCAR group on here either. When I was preparing to set up the categories for the poll, I noticed that while there were several groups for music lovers, each with different genres, there was not ...