The lyrics in the song are nice.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 12, 2019:

To me, Anne Murray was always country music and I really hate country music. Even tho I've lived my whole life in the middle of where it's very popular, along with Christianity.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 12, 2019:

@UUNJ Yes she did, but most country singers don't. They usually have that ever nasal quality along with a very strong twang to their voice. I hate both qualities as well as the content of most of the songs-sappy sentimentalism, sexist, anti-intellectualism, pro-macho and pro-violence, glorification of alcoholism and poverty- The other thing is that the vast majority of country songs are very easy to sing with very simple, boring melodies. It's by far the easiest genre to sing, so most country singers don't have great voices compared to other genres. At the other end, opera and showtunes are the most difficult and everyone that sings those professionally has otherworldly voices. I prefer music more toward this end of the spectrum.

Earlier this week, I pointed out that AOC’s bluster and unwillingness to compromise would cause ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

The Dems could win with a progressive but they keep pushing corporate Dems like Hillary or Biden because it's what their big donors want. They really don't care what their average supporters think or want, and they sure as hell don't care what the poor or even the working poor want, so they go after...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 12, 2019:

@Rob1948 I guess you didn't learn much from the Occupy experience. The fact is that the middle class is no longer that large and has been rapidly shrinking since the 80s. It will continue to do so even more rapidly with continued outsourcing overseas of jobs and more importantly rapidly increasing automation of jobs. By 2025 the majority of the US will be poor because of these trends. You are wrong sir. Candidates who only speak to the top 10% level of wealth and income are not going to help most of the country, the 99% that Occupy was talking about. You are ignoring the tens of millions of eligible voters who know they are not represented by either party. It's time for candidates and parties that represent the economic interests of the 99%, not just the top 10% like the Dems do. The top 10% is the rich and the upper-middle class, over 100K a year or more. Mainly doctors, lawyers, accountants, execs, management, small business owners, etc. in the upper middle class. Your argument conveniently ignores the fact of class warfare, in which the top 10% have very different, competing economic interests compared to the bottom 90% and consensous is not possible. Only one side can win and this has been going on in one direction since the 80s with neither party fighting back on behalf of the bottom 90%. We have a mess in DC not because we have too much of one extreme running things but because we have a plutocracy, not a real functioning democracy where both parties are owned by the same people and serve them accordingly. Their squabbles over everything but economic and foreign policy( both of which they are very much in agreement) are merely kabbuki theater to make it look like the two parties are really that different.

Hi fellow cat lovers.

GreenAtheist comments on Jan 11, 2019:

Please Tom rescue a kitten somewhere and let that little furr ball take over your heart. ...clean the litter after every use and feed morning noon night with a little cream on the side of the good dry nuggets s/he will nibble all hours away from your lap, shoulders and belly in bed. ...all that ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 12, 2019:

I need someone to date, as long as they are compatible, more than I need a cat. I have a neighbor two doors down with a cat. Quit minimizing my need for human companionship. I appreciate your efforts and attitude of wanting to be my buddy, but you really don't know me very well. I'm not interested in being the brother you never had. It's ironic that the only other person that has pushed me to get a cat is my younger sister, who also doesn't know me very well or get along with me at all. She even pulled a no-show, no explanation or notification for not attending my late wife's memorial service while my other two siblings were there, including one from Puerto Rico. I will never forgive her for that, much less accept advice from her.

Earlier this week, I pointed out that AOC’s bluster and unwillingness to compromise would cause ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

The Dems could win with a progressive but they keep pushing corporate Dems like Hillary or Biden because it's what their big donors want. They really don't care what their average supporters think or want, and they sure as hell don't care what the poor or even the working poor want, so they go after...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 11, 2019:

@MissKathleen It's a needless difficulty they want to have, rather than winning in a landslide with lots of former non-voters electing a progressive. Their strategy is to instead keep trying to eke out a narrow victory among middle class voters instead of trying to get the poor and working poor to turn out for them. The result is prez elections with 50% turnout and narrow victories for one party or the other decided by middle class independent voters, over and over.

Earlier this week, I pointed out that AOC’s bluster and unwillingness to compromise would cause ...

patchoullijulie comments on Jan 11, 2019:

I think it is time for the Democratic party to take a good, long, hard look at themselves and see their voters through a different lens. Times do change and I don't think they are keeping up with those changes as quickly as they should (or I had hoped) They need to be more flexible. Rock on AOC! ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 11, 2019:

@patchoullijulie Exactly. The Dem leaders knew that all the excitement among the voters and Dem supporters was for Bernie, but they wanted Hillary so they rigged it even tho they knew Bernie had a better chance of winning. As long as there are super delegates, it doesn't matter shit what voters or the average Dem supporters want for a candidate.

Earlier this week, I pointed out that AOC’s bluster and unwillingness to compromise would cause ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

The Dems could win with a progressive but they keep pushing corporate Dems like Hillary or Biden because it's what their big donors want. They really don't care what their average supporters think or want, and they sure as hell don't care what the poor or even the working poor want, so they go after...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 11, 2019:

@MissKathleen Problem is a 3rd party prez won't happen anytime soon because of the way the electoral college is set up. Secondly, the media, all corporate, will never allow a 3rd party candidate a fair chance in media coverage. Third, too many people are brainwashed into thinking that 3rd party is a wasted vote and just won't seriously think about voting that way even when they freely admit the Dems are useless and corrupt like we do. They are addicted to supporting the Dems no matter what and need a 12 step program for it!

Earlier this week, I pointed out that AOC’s bluster and unwillingness to compromise would cause ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

The Dems could win with a progressive but they keep pushing corporate Dems like Hillary or Biden because it's what their big donors want. They really don't care what their average supporters think or want, and they sure as hell don't care what the poor or even the working poor want, so they go after...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 11, 2019:

@MissKathleen No shit! The Dems have been that way ever since the DLC was established in the late 80s.

So question for the ladies. Would you ever date/marry down?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

Didn't vote because I'm a man, but I do have an opinion on this and something related. I think women marry down a lot these days on money, but, at least in my area and age group, it appears most of them want to date a man who is their income level or about 15K more than them if possible. I base this...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 11, 2019:

@A2Jennifer Jennifer, I don't think any of those factors you list are influencing the choices either gender is making and most certainly not influencing people at a conscious level. They choose based on what they have a desire for whether it's someone more attractive in looks than others or someone who can spend more on them than others. Breeding and long term survival have nothing to do with it, because I see these trends just as much in people who are already my age when breeding and financially supporting a spouse and kids are already irrelevant.

So question for the ladies. Would you ever date/marry down?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

Didn't vote because I'm a man, but I do have an opinion on this and something related. I think women marry down a lot these days on money, but, at least in my area and age group, it appears most of them want to date a man who is their income level or about 15K more than them if possible. I base this...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 11, 2019:

@NoMagicCookie I get it man, a minority trade looks for money. I'm talking more about trends among the genders in general and regular people who aren't rich or incredibly great looking, where they are not moving that far up or down as far as levels of looks or money. Get it? Quit trying to distort or talk around what I am saying.

So question for the ladies. Would you ever date/marry down?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

Didn't vote because I'm a man, but I do have an opinion on this and something related. I think women marry down a lot these days on money, but, at least in my area and age group, it appears most of them want to date a man who is their income level or about 15K more than them if possible. I base this...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 11, 2019:

@NoMagicCookie You seem to be talking about marrying down regarding money. I'm making comments about dating or marrying down or up based on looks as well as a separate discussion about same regarding money. The trends are different for each discussion.

I have a question for the women in the group.

VictoriaNotes comments on Jan 11, 2019:

Both. It's not about what they do for a living, it's about who they are.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 11, 2019:

I don't care about a woman's type of job, income level, or education level as long as they are smart, either went to some college or self-educated after that, and can pay their own way in a relationship. I can live fine on 40K a year.

Eventually you will❤

VIKingsCFH comments on Jan 10, 2019:

Relationships have become disposable. You'll date someone, or even marry them, give everything to them and still not be good enough. That's why I'm busy growing and learning what makes me happy and then doing it. Who needs the pressure of headache of I introducing someone else into my comfortable ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 11, 2019:

I agree with everything but the last part. Yes they have become disposable to most people, it seems, but not to me. I'm not comfortable resigning myself to going it alone til I die. Not what I want.

Are relationships and dating in 2019 changing the way we think of each other??

linxminx comments on Jan 10, 2019:

The images you posted suggest changes are due to technology. My experience in marriage (which I chose to end in divorce) and subsequently went through a period of dating and being in relationships has taught me that I have changed my thinking related to being a part of a couple, but it has less...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 10, 2019:

Technology and the anonimity it beings allows people to indulge their negative qualities more freely and with more convenience.

[upworthy.

Beowulfsfriend comments on Jan 10, 2019:

No. It won't be the same. Corporate sponsorship and high ticket prices and control.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 10, 2019:

Yup. My late wife attended Woodstock and it wouldn't be the same. She was older than me and told me all about it.

I admire mature communication when I find a woman I am interested in.

Deiter comments on Jan 8, 2019:

I agree. And yet, ghosting is common. I wonder, for the womenfolk, if their ghosting is seen as a matter of security? Telling someone, "I'm not feeling it" could trigger toxic behavior in the right person. I'm sure most women who've fielded offers have experienced this all too often. I've ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 9, 2019:

@Deiter Yes, I get it that with ghosting you can't do anything about their choice of what they did with their power. My comment was about character and what ghosting shows about the ghoster. To me it shows, except for cases of abuse in dating or personal relationships, a lack of empathy and humanity.

I admire mature communication when I find a woman I am interested in.

Deiter comments on Jan 8, 2019:

I agree. And yet, ghosting is common. I wonder, for the womenfolk, if their ghosting is seen as a matter of security? Telling someone, "I'm not feeling it" could trigger toxic behavior in the right person. I'm sure most women who've fielded offers have experienced this all too often. I've ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 9, 2019:

Just because someone has power, I don't feel it entitles them to be a jerk to someone, whether it's a job seeker or another member of a dating site that is interested in them. A poli sci instructor once told me something very profound about how someone's character is revealed. He said people can believe whatever they want about how good, caring or moral they are until they end up actually having some power and are in a position where they are tempted to abuse or misuse it. Until they are tested by that kind of situation, neither they or others really know who they are, characterwise. So, to me, ghosting proves who they really are more than anything else about what kind of person they are. Oneline daters and employers don't have to act like douches just because they hold the power in the situation, but when they do, they reveal who the are.

I admire mature communication when I find a woman I am interested in.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 8, 2019:

Man, can I relate.. .Sorry it's been so bad for you. I've been trading messages with a woman on Match for a couple days now and I think I'm going to just suggest we meet soon. Because even tho the chat has been going fine, we both agree that chemistry, physical attraction, or whatever term you want ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 9, 2019:

@Soarfeet Thanks for the encouragement to get on with it.

As I'm learning...

VictoriaNotes comments on Jan 9, 2019:

It looks good on paper. The thing is --- it appears that the anticipation of happiness, of pleasure, is more dopaminergic (neurochemically rewarding) than, say, the actual experience and is responsible for eliciting goal-directed behavior. (5 minutes) https://youtu.be/axrywDP9Ii0

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 9, 2019:

@VictoriaNotes Thanks Vic. I saw that movie on a first date with a woman from a personal ad back in the early 90s. It says something about me and her that we agreed on wanting to see that movie. No match came out of it, but a 2 year friendship did, since we were both pretty offbeat characters. She liked me as a friend but was way out of my league looks-wise and said so politely when we met. She looked a lot like Julia Roberts and was a minister. The other two quotes you mentioned are also so true.

As I'm learning...

VictoriaNotes comments on Jan 9, 2019:

It looks good on paper. The thing is --- it appears that the anticipation of happiness, of pleasure, is more dopaminergic (neurochemically rewarding) than, say, the actual experience and is responsible for eliciting goal-directed behavior. (5 minutes) https://youtu.be/axrywDP9Ii0

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 9, 2019:

I agree. I sort of think you are talking some here about hope, also. Hope of something good happening out of effort, like trying to find someone to date, motivates the behavior necessary to meet someone, rather than isolating or sitting at home watching TV. Hope gets you motivated to get out and be around people while also helping one feel positive enough to put out positive vibes to others. As was said in The Shawshank Redemption, one of my favorite films, "Hope is a good thing, perhaps the best of things". I wish I had more of it about finding someone.

I read this article today on dating someone you are not yet attracted to.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 8, 2019:

Read it. Sounds like a bunch of idealistic psychobabble. I'm like most people. If someone's pics in a dating profile don't make me feel anything at all or worse, even turn me off on the thought of sex with them, I'm not going to message them on a dating site. If their looks from the pics make me ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 9, 2019:

@ArtzyNerd, @freeofgod I am talking about dating sites. As far as IRL with a friend, has never happened with a friend. I guess that's how the term friendzone originated.

I read this article today on dating someone you are not yet attracted to.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 8, 2019:

Read it. Sounds like a bunch of idealistic psychobabble. I'm like most people. If someone's pics in a dating profile don't make me feel anything at all or worse, even turn me off on the thought of sex with them, I'm not going to message them on a dating site. If their looks from the pics make me ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 9, 2019:

@ArtzyNerd I'm looking for that and chemistry. If the latter is not there after the second meeting, it's not going to happen later, at least not in my experience.

I read this article today on dating someone you are not yet attracted to.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 8, 2019:

Read it. Sounds like a bunch of idealistic psychobabble. I'm like most people. If someone's pics in a dating profile don't make me feel anything at all or worse, even turn me off on the thought of sex with them, I'm not going to message them on a dating site. If their looks from the pics make me ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

@EyesThatSmile Thank you! A woman with honesty about how attraction usually works in practice. I'll admit it's not only about looks, but also a vibe I get about someone's personality that is either confirmed or disproven by finally meeting in person. Their face to face personality either draws you in or clashes with you and pushes you away.

I read this article today on dating someone you are not yet attracted to.

freeofgod comments on Jan 8, 2019:

I know it can. It's happened to me before.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

Never has for me.

What Is Your Opinion On Elizabeth Warren As 2020 Presidential Nominee?

TheInterlooper comments on Jan 8, 2019:

She portrays herself as a champion of the downtrodden. However, her biggest doners are corperate lobbyist. She was also complacent with the DNC subverting democracy in favor of HRC. No thanks. I'm tired of living in a fascist duopoly.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

Of course I would vote for her over Trump, if it came down to them in the general, but I wouldn't expect much from her if she won. She would probably be somewhat less of a corrupt sellout than Obama was, but not that much. Such is the reality of the duopoly the other commenter mentioned.

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

HippieChick58 comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Are you by chance looking for a nurse with a purse? Seriously, I'm happy to have just passed your age cut off. One size does not fit all, and there is nothing worse than being in a relationship just to avoid being alone. Good luck to you.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

@HippieChick58 A wise choice, cheaper, less work, and unconditional love.

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

HippieChick58 comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Are you by chance looking for a nurse with a purse? Seriously, I'm happy to have just passed your age cut off. One size does not fit all, and there is nothing worse than being in a relationship just to avoid being alone. Good luck to you.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

@HippieChick58 Agreed. If I felt that alone, I'd try getting a cat before I'd go that route. I prefer cats over dogs.

The online dating "Scattershot Effect" Years ago i had this friend .

Xuande comments on Jan 8, 2019:

The key there is that he was conventionally attractive. That works in hook up situations because that's all your partner for the night is asking for. You're correct that a lot of people do that shit online, but you remove the attractiveness requirement. Every member is someone at the bar, and you ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

You sound on target to me. (sigh).

I won the rat race! FuckingFlea (my petite tortie female cat) brought it into the house AND LET IT ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Learned something new. I always thought that all cats were killers of both mice and rats. Maybe it's just feral cats that actually live on mice, rats, and birds. I'd heard that feral cats are being captured these days and put to work as mousers to kill and eat mice and rats in buildings. Need to ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

@SurvivorSteph Thank you so much Steph! They are both so cute... I have always loved cats even tho I've never owned one. I grew up with a few and still love to scam off other peeps cats. You weren't a kiddin' about how small FF is.

What do you attract?

SkagwayKim comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Good things, starting after I pulled my head out of my ass and stopped whining and complaining.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

Thanks, Kim. You gave me a great big belly laugh!

What do you attract?

CommonHuman comments on Jan 8, 2019:

Life is more complicated than that. Life is more complicated than most meme platitudes.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

Ain't that the truth. I'm not going to bash anyone for posting them, it's their right of expression on this site just as I have mine, but I'm starting to get annoyed with the constant stream of them day after day. Most of them are very trite and simplistic. Hey folks, we are intellectuals here, at least most of us are, and this stuff is reminding me way too much of the old SNL skits of Deep Thoughts With Jack Handy and Daily Affirmations By Stuart Smalley, In other words, some of it starts to look retarded, to use a non-PC term.

How would you like to repeatedly get the same canned message?

John_Tyrrell comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I expect that if someone did a Venn diagram of "Men sending one line messages" and "Men complaining their messages are not answered" you'd find at least a 90% overlap.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

@John_Tyrrell I know that man, I just thought the 90% was kind of an ironic figure because it's just about the rejection rate for first messages, no matter how well they're written, that's all. No offense meant. Everybody's getting a little touchy tonite.....

How would you like to repeatedly get the same canned message?

John_Tyrrell comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I expect that if someone did a Venn diagram of "Men sending one line messages" and "Men complaining their messages are not answered" you'd find at least a 90% overlap.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

I don't get less than a 90% non-reply rate on Match for first messages and I doubt that most other average-looking men do either. Jus sayin'...

How would you like to repeatedly get the same canned message?

ATDayHiker comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I ignore the canned messages as well. If I can take the time to write a thoughtful message, I expect others can do the same. I just wish the response rate was higher for my messages. The attached image is the first part of a woman's profile that I saw today. It explains what will disqualify any ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

Yeah, she goes way overboard on being too critical of others. No way in hell I would message her even if she looked like Susan Sarandon, one of my longtime crushes. Doubt she's getting many messages.

How as athiest do you determine right from wrong ?

A2Jennifer comments on Jan 7, 2019:

If it doesn’t hurt anyone, it’s not “wrong.” Sometimes it’s inappropriate and we abstain from things because they merely make others uncomfortable (like walking around naked in public). Lawful and moral are only loosely connected. Just because something is legal doesn’t mean it’s ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

Well said and very thorough.

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

ProudMary comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Yeah, women older than 60 are just so damned worthless...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

@Unimatrix907 The four questions you just asked make a good point and I'll concede you're right about those. But bitter and jealous towards this guy? Hardly.... I can say what I think about his values and behavior if he wants to make a spectacle of himself on the forum.

Dixie, the country’s most divisive song

MrControversy comments on Jan 7, 2019:

It was also one of Lincoln’s favorite songs and he was the south’s worst enemy!

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

Go figure.. There's always somebody who sees the same song way differently than others. Reminds me of that Springsteen tune Born In The USA. It's sad that many of his fans have never really listened to the lyrics and got the point that the song is anything but rah, rah patriotism but that's the way most of them act when they hear it at concerts. Got to the point that he was considering dropping it from his concerts because of the frustration with some of the idiot fans.

I was supposed to have a lunch date tomorrow.

BufftonBeotch comments on Jan 7, 2019:

One of those Match.com or another. Just some chat and met for a drink and took a stroll. Suddenly grabbed me in a completely unwanted deep kiss. He was really sweaty. I could not get the smell of his cheap cologne off my body over several days and more showers. Yuck.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 8, 2019:

He's lucky you weren't packin', BB......

I was supposed to have a lunch date tomorrow.

Cast1es comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Every man is under the delusion , once a woman meets him , she immediately lusts after him , and takes nothing else into consideration . If she doesn't entice him into her bed , then she immediately becomes a slut . I understand that over time , the meaning of words change . Slut , used to mean a...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

I'm more the opposite. On a first date, the woman would probably about have to jump on me before I'd pick up on her intent, but I've always been that way......

I was supposed to have a lunch date tomorrow.

blumandolin comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Did you ask why he wanted in your pants since you already had an asshole in there. ?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

Good one, I honestly never heard that one before. You are a wit, sir!

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

mikebeed comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I hear Caitlyn Jenner is available.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@PalacinkyPDX Glad I can do something to make you happy. BTW, you've also been reported.

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

mikebeed comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I hear Caitlyn Jenner is available.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@PalacinkyPDX I'm no more bigoted than anyone else here, but glad you have X-ray vision so you can see everything about me, even tho we've never even met. I got the whole thing with Mike's joke all on my own, thank you very much. Would you like your block now or later? You don't know me at all, but you have some company on this site with the same sort of arrogance about others. You are not the court of Agnostic.com, much as you'd like to be. Lighten up......

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

Gwendolyn2018 comments on Jan 7, 2019:

You are 75 years old and look every minute of those years; in fact, in comparing you to my 72 year old sister, you look A LOT older than she does. (And I am not intending to be mean, but since you emphasize looks, you need to be aware of how you look to women.) Your "standards" are too high ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@Gwendolyn2018 We all know better Gwen, but woe to the unsuspecting offline world, lol. I think you just enjoy messing with them, you naughty girl......

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

seafarersd comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Thanks for all your comments. Learned a lot but....... I know with whom I get along and with whom not. A couple of nice comments but most ridiculed me....... so who cares. BTW ladies........ I don't mind some wrinkles but not all of them after 60 or so. Some of you will look good after that age ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

I won't take back anything I said about you, but I sincerely have to give you some props for having the balls or gall, depending on how you look at it, to come on and reply to us. I know I wouldn't have. But then again, I would never be so crass or deluded in the first place......

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

Gwendolyn2018 comments on Jan 7, 2019:

You are 75 years old and look every minute of those years; in fact, in comparing you to my 72 year old sister, you look A LOT older than she does. (And I am not intending to be mean, but since you emphasize looks, you need to be aware of how you look to women.) Your "standards" are too high ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@Gwendolyn2018 Well Gwen, I think we've all realized on here that you're not that type of woman. Too bad a lot of the IRL world hasn't gotten the memo yet, lol.

Whats it like having not settled down with a family by the time you are 30?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Didn't get married until I was 41, never had kids. Guess I never gave a damn about conforming or pleasing people who didn't know me. But to be honest, I wanted to be married earlier than that, just never had any luck with the traditional, conservative women of Iowa. None of them would have me for a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@Jolanta It's all a matter of experience and interpretation. I make it very clear, as much as one can, in my Match profile that I'm seeking strong, independent women who already have their own friends and enjoy spending time with them as well as with a partner. Just as my late wife and I did in our marriage. We both spent time apart with friends, mine and hers. There was a good balance and that's what I want again, if possible. She and I also did not share all the same interests and I also make it clear in my profile that they don't have to share all of mine and vice versa. The problem is no matter how you word it, people are going to read the same words on the screen differently according to their past experiences and prejudices, including knee-jerk defensiveness. I'm growing weary of trying to get women to see me for who I am instead of the sum of their baggage and prejudices. It gets really old. There's really no way to safely or easily address the complex, touchy issue of how much family time a woman can expect with me in a relationship or how much I would like to just be with them. Paid dating sites are just not conducive to that. This site more likely is because it seems like people here have more self awareness and are more open to trying to keep their baggage in check when they are sizing up a prospective partner. Unfortunately this site appears to offer zero prospects for me in my area and it doesn't look likely to change.

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

mikebeed comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I hear Caitlyn Jenner is available.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@UUNJ I hear you, but to me the joke is that she is exactly what he is NOT looking for...I'm not hating on Caitlyn or transexuals.

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

Gwendolyn2018 comments on Jan 7, 2019:

You are 75 years old and look every minute of those years; in fact, in comparing you to my 72 year old sister, you look A LOT older than she does. (And I am not intending to be mean, but since you emphasize looks, you need to be aware of how you look to women.) Your "standards" are too high ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@Gwendolyn2018 Oh, I didn't know the conversations were in that context or setting. As for potential dates, no loss there....Very effective way to send them away.

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

Gwendolyn2018 comments on Jan 7, 2019:

You are 75 years old and look every minute of those years; in fact, in comparing you to my 72 year old sister, you look A LOT older than she does. (And I am not intending to be mean, but since you emphasize looks, you need to be aware of how you look to women.) Your "standards" are too high ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@Gwendolyn2018 Well, Gwen, bless your heart... That's what you get when you confront the delusions of a vain man. Sort of like confronting the delusions of a schizophrenic. It might be fun, but it won't get you anywhere and it will only confuse them.

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

Gwendolyn2018 comments on Jan 7, 2019:

You are 75 years old and look every minute of those years; in fact, in comparing you to my 72 year old sister, you look A LOT older than she does. (And I am not intending to be mean, but since you emphasize looks, you need to be aware of how you look to women.) Your "standards" are too high ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@Gwendolyn2018 Actually, the co-worker that was having the B-day was, I think, in his early 70s, which is what made the 100 wisecrack so funny.

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

mikebeed comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I hear Caitlyn Jenner is available.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

Ding, ding, ding, I think we have the winner here!

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

Charity comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Jesus, I can't say anything about the age preference. I tend to like my boys a little bit younger by eight to 10 years.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

That's actually pretty common these days, wouldn't even qualify you as a cougar in my book. More like 12-15 years younger.

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

HippieChick58 comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Are you by chance looking for a nurse with a purse? Seriously, I'm happy to have just passed your age cut off. One size does not fit all, and there is nothing worse than being in a relationship just to avoid being alone. Good luck to you.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@HippieChick58 Sounds like a bad deal for the woman, esp. since she's not going to come out rich like a golddigger. Where is the upside for the woman? What woman would sign up for that? Would have to be pretty desperate.

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

HippieChick58 comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Are you by chance looking for a nurse with a purse? Seriously, I'm happy to have just passed your age cut off. One size does not fit all, and there is nothing worse than being in a relationship just to avoid being alone. Good luck to you.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

Is that a caretaker form of golddigger? Never heard that one before... I'm probably too limited in where I go online or I need to get out more. Probably both......

Arizona right-wing group sends armed man into church to yell at volunteers for helping migrants – ...

BufftonBeotch comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Would it not be perfect justice if they had shot the filthy P.O.S. dead using the defense of Stand Your Ground/Castle Law?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@BufftonBeotch True that....Since these assholes initiated it, would self-defense have held up?

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

Gwendolyn2018 comments on Jan 7, 2019:

You are 75 years old and look every minute of those years; in fact, in comparing you to my 72 year old sister, you look A LOT older than she does. (And I am not intending to be mean, but since you emphasize looks, you need to be aware of how you look to women.) Your "standards" are too high ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

As a former co-worker of mine said about another co-worker that we both despised, on his B-day cake event at the job, " He doesn't look a day over 100".

Arizona right-wing group sends armed man into church to yell at volunteers for helping migrants – ...

BufftonBeotch comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Would it not be perfect justice if they had shot the filthy P.O.S. dead using the defense of Stand Your Ground/Castle Law?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@BufftonBeotch Tell us how you really feel BB... just bein' ornery.........Remind me not to piss you off when you're packin'......

Arizona right-wing group sends armed man into church to yell at volunteers for helping migrants – ...

BufftonBeotch comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Would it not be perfect justice if they had shot the filthy P.O.S. dead using the defense of Stand Your Ground/Castle Law?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@BufftonBeotch Not at most UU churches I've been to. Like the Quakers, the UUs I've known are very non-violent and pacifist. I am a longtime UU, but rarely attend these days. The article doesn't specify what denomination, if any, that the church is part of. However, these days Unitarian churches as well as synagogues and other liberal churches, are no fools about who their enemies are and are putting in place defense and safety plans for active shooters and others who might invade their building, but stop short of having armed guards. Chickenshit bullies wouldn't have the guts to show up there if they knew the church had armed guards who, as you say, could use SYG laws on them.

Arizona right-wing group sends armed man into church to yell at volunteers for helping migrants – ...

BufftonBeotch comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Would it not be perfect justice if they had shot the filthy P.O.S. dead using the defense of Stand Your Ground/Castle Law?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

Unfortunately, or lucky for the assholes, these type of churches are very pacifist and non-violent types, unlike some members of fundy churches or cults.

Arizona right-wing group sends armed man into church to yell at volunteers for helping migrants – ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 7, 2019:

The guy should have been arrested for domestic terrorism. These guys as well as militant anti-abortion types are bullies and domestic terrorists, and should be treated as such, pure and simple. But they aren't because too many in our govt. share their views, so nothing happens to them and they just ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@BufftonBeotch Of course they are, that's why I fear them more than foreign terrorists.

After hearing horror tales from my daughters, friends, and women on here, I feel compelled to put ...

Fernapple comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Part of the human tragedy is that people, men and women both, are not attracted to people they like. People are attracted to damaged people because they seem either exciting and dangerous or needy, and strong self reliant people without issues seem boring and dull. Only when the first excitement ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@Wildflower And the vast majority of those unhealthy people are unaware of their status and have not had a minute of therapy in their life because they are in denial about themselves.

I was married to a woman like that once .

Drsmash253 comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I love being single

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

Well, it beats being with someone that's wrong for you, but having been with someone I loved and hoped to spend the rest of my life with before being widowed, speak for yourself.....

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Seems too damn passive. Show a little guts. If you like a woman's profile, step up and send them a PM saying so and why if you're interested in dating or getting to know them. This wave thing is too much like the Wink or Like buttons on sites like Match. I don't bother with that crap because women ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@DevraisA1 My mistake. I confused you with someone else on this site that is a member of a UU church. I am referring to Unitarian or Unitarian Universalist Churches. In Cali I am sure there has to be one in your area. They are full of Agnostics and Atheists.

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Seems too damn passive. Show a little guts. If you like a woman's profile, step up and send them a PM saying so and why if you're interested in dating or getting to know them. This wave thing is too much like the Wink or Like buttons on sites like Match. I don't bother with that crap because women ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@DevraisA1 I would say you will have to rely on your activities, your UU church, paid dating sites, and maybe this site as well, in no particular order of effectiveness. At least you have more avenues for meeting someone than I do. I have Match and maybe the UU church, if I go back there.

[youtube.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Too bad in my experience on Match, few women apply her method. They use the site like it's shopping on Amazon. My zero dates-coffee meetings in my term, did go ok because by then I had probably already screened out the kind of women that would use them as job interviews rather than real, honest ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@Lucy_Fehr Thanks for sharing and it all makes complete sense to me, even tho I don't have the same experiences for the most part. Class experiences, both social and economic, are huge in shaping our identities, our outlook on others both in our class as well as those outside it. And in relationships like marriage, money is power for the person who has or makes more of it. In fact, as my late wife said, marriage is in some ways a business relationship. And being with a partner who kept making an issue of it, esp. in a hurtful or demeaning way, is really shitty. I would not put up with that shit and in my current efforts to date, I pay close attention to what signals a woman is sending in her profile about how much money she has or makes, not that I need any of their money, but also what they are expecting or not from me financially and what their class level seems to be as well as their attitude towards class. I will not be looked down on in a future relationship by a class snob who has more money than me or grew up rich, nor will I be supporting someone who can't pay their own way to meet their expenses or travel with me.

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Seems too damn passive. Show a little guts. If you like a woman's profile, step up and send them a PM saying so and why if you're interested in dating or getting to know them. This wave thing is too much like the Wink or Like buttons on sites like Match. I don't bother with that crap because women ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@DevraisA1 Moving to a different site is not going to help, it's mostly the same people or at least the same kind no matter what paid site you go to.

My 2 year goal.

Soarfeet comments on Jan 7, 2019:

With a glance at the responses you’ve received, Apparently that beast is quite the chick-magnet ? lol

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

Wait a sec... I'm totally at a loss. My whole life I thought that red sports cars were chick magnets that came with a midlife crisis! My belief system is once again shook to its core!

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Seems too damn passive. Show a little guts. If you like a woman's profile, step up and send them a PM saying so and why if you're interested in dating or getting to know them. This wave thing is too much like the Wink or Like buttons on sites like Match. I don't bother with that crap because women ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@DevraisA1 It not only takes courage to date online as well as determination, but the biggest challenge is to handle all the rejection, lying and games without either getting too emotionally beaten down and discouraged or worse, getting so callous to avoid feeling those ways that you give up your humanity/empathy and start acting like an asshole yourself to other people on Match. Unfortunately, it seems like most people cope with the shit of the dating sites by going the latter way.

Whats it like having not settled down with a family by the time you are 30?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Didn't get married until I was 41, never had kids. Guess I never gave a damn about conforming or pleasing people who didn't know me. But to be honest, I wanted to be married earlier than that, just never had any luck with the traditional, conservative women of Iowa. None of them would have me for a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@Jolanta Thanks for validating that. That issue is undoubtedly my biggest roadblock to finding a partner on Match because I live in an area where so many women are very traditional and conservative, at least on this issue. Even the ones who identify as Agnostic or not religious. The women on this site seem way more independent and secure, as you say, about that stuff. Probably because they are the only non-believers in their family and have always marched to their own drummer, so they don't cling to their family like all the farmer's daughter types around me. Just like when I was younger and getting rejected by all the women wanting kids or with kids, I can only be honest with myself and them about what I want. Which is someone who wants a couples relationship where most of our time together is spent doing stuff just the two of us, instead of me being more of an escort for the woman visiting her family with me. I honestly think that for a lot of the women in my area, they sort of use the family time and connection stuff as sort of a shield against getting too involved with a new man because they are afraid of getting hurt or disappointed with the relationship. I have a theory about the family-oriented women on Match in my area and I'd like to hear the opinions of members on this, esp. women. It goes like this. The vast majority of women in my area say something in their profile essay like " Family is first, I love my kids and grandkids, etc." I just skip those women, but even those that don't self-identify like that seem to make family time and connections a big issue. Even the ones that don't have kids. My theory is that many, if not most women, in my area, seem to cope with becoming divorced or widowed by retreating into their family and grandkids for comfort and support while they are licking their wounds and recovering from their loss or crisis. That is totally understandable and healthy. The problem or issue is that even years later, they seem to be hanging onto their kids and grandkids as sort of a shield or security blanket even after they shouldn't need it that much because they are afraid of emotionally investing themselves in a new relationship with a man. So they protect themselves and hedge themselves emotionally by making a big deal about spending time with family over the new man and wanting to spend most of their time with him around family so things don't move too fast or get too intense with him emotionally because they are afraid of getting hurt or disappointed with the new relationship. Sound about right? When even the women without kids subscribe to this attitude, it leaves me pretty well screwed in finding a partner who is ready to spend most of their time as a couple without the family around.

[youtube.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Too bad in my experience on Match, few women apply her method. They use the site like it's shopping on Amazon. My zero dates-coffee meetings in my term, did go ok because by then I had probably already screened out the kind of women that would use them as job interviews rather than real, honest ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@hippydog Good question there.. In my experience on Match, the vast majority of women at least in my age group, are looking to trade up by dating a guy who makes at least 15 K more than them. I have no idea what income preferences most of the guys have on there.

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Seems too damn passive. Show a little guts. If you like a woman's profile, step up and send them a PM saying so and why if you're interested in dating or getting to know them. This wave thing is too much like the Wink or Like buttons on sites like Match. I don't bother with that crap because women ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@A2Jennifer Trust me tho, this guy has a lot of company among other men his age on Match as well among the cougar women on that site who are not that much younger than him. With both genders, if you have the looks and/or money, depending on the gender, you can always find much younger people to date. Quality of the relationship is a whole other thing........but probably not on their mind.

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Seems too damn passive. Show a little guts. If you like a woman's profile, step up and send them a PM saying so and why if you're interested in dating or getting to know them. This wave thing is too much like the Wink or Like buttons on sites like Match. I don't bother with that crap because women ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@A2Jennifer That sucks, but there's no point in having more or saying you are agreeable to that when you aren't. I've never wanted kids or had them, but it seems to me those men your age who want kids are being pretty damn selfish to require that when they are knocking on 40. Why didn't they have them earlier or marry someone who already had them? I assume you date within several years younger or older than you. I feel your pain. You get passed by with the educated, financially stable men with decent looks your age because they want kids and seek younger women. I can't get anyone under 55-only five years younger than me-to be interested in me because all they want is sex and casual relationships so they play cougar because they assume all guys over 55 have ED. I'm not joking about that... What a world....Some people are just such assholes. There's a guy on Match who lives in my area that I've seen his profile. He's my age, an architect, bald like me, about the same looks. I check out the competition once in a while. His dating age range is one year younger than him at the top end and 42-18 years younger-on the low end. What an entitled pig, but you know, he has the big bucks and high status job, so he'll probably find a good-looking much younger woman. No wonder he's divorced.

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Seems too damn passive. Show a little guts. If you like a woman's profile, step up and send them a PM saying so and why if you're interested in dating or getting to know them. This wave thing is too much like the Wink or Like buttons on sites like Match. I don't bother with that crap because women ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@A2Jennifer Mine wasn't that bad as yours so far. Out of the five I met, one was a platonic friend for a while. Another was a nice woman that I turned out to have little in common with and no physical attraction on my part. Another was same thing, little in common and the reverse on attraction, she had none for me. One had a lot in common with me, but not quite enough and not quite enough physical attraction, mutually agreed to stop after two meetings. Last one, seemed to have a lot in common, DK about physical attraction, met her one time, seemed to go great. She blew me off for two weeks, then messaged me with no explanation why the delay after I had e-mailed that night and said I wanted to see her again. That ended when I replied to her message and said I deserved an explanation and she said she didn't want to stay in touch. Yup, lots of disappointment, little in person contact, never saw any of them more than three times except the first platonic friend. Too many games and too much rejection, but I have really no alternative but to hang in there, give up, or go back to the Unitarian church and put up with seeing the phony balonies and hypocrites that make up too many of the members there. Edited to add: Honestly, Jennifer, I'm surprised you didn't actually meet any men from the site. I hear men on Match are very aggressive in reaching out to women who are average-looking or above. Having viewed your profile pics, you would seem to easily fall into that class or league more than me. I have talked to a few other guys and my experience is pretty common on paid sites for average-looking men, as the vast majority of women ignore us and focus on the top 20% best looking guys on the site. I'm almost twice your age, maybe the younger guys are more shallow and demanding on looks.

Where do you draw the line?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I didn't vote because my answer doesn't neatly fit into that poll. My late wife was 16 years older than me, but at that time I was a lot younger than now. At my present age, 60, I will only date 8 years older than me because at this stage of life, I don't want to end up a caretaker again with a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@GreenAtheist Everybody needs a dream....

Where do you draw the line?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I didn't vote because my answer doesn't neatly fit into that poll. My late wife was 16 years older than me, but at that time I was a lot younger than now. At my present age, 60, I will only date 8 years older than me because at this stage of life, I don't want to end up a caretaker again with a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@GreenAtheist Enjoy your optimism. May you live long and prosper. Yeah, I know I'm stealing here. I'm done here Larry.....

Where do you draw the line?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I didn't vote because my answer doesn't neatly fit into that poll. My late wife was 16 years older than me, but at that time I was a lot younger than now. At my present age, 60, I will only date 8 years older than me because at this stage of life, I don't want to end up a caretaker again with a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@GreenAtheist Once again, longevity doesn't matter that much to me past a point. I don't want to live past the point that my health or quality of life becomes poor, with or without a partner. Don't care about being the last ones around, because, frankly this country and probably most of the world, are going to be pretty shitty places to live in say 15 years. So why be so excited about living another 30 years? I hope I'm wrong, but I see little evidence to convince me otherwise.

Where do you draw the line?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I didn't vote because my answer doesn't neatly fit into that poll. My late wife was 16 years older than me, but at that time I was a lot younger than now. At my present age, 60, I will only date 8 years older than me because at this stage of life, I don't want to end up a caretaker again with a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@GreenAtheist I don't care that much about longevity. I care more about quality, which for me would be having a compatible partner who was Agnostic/Atheist, a fellow hipster, and someone who would enjoy music and travelling with me for as long as both of us had the good health to do so.

Where do you draw the line?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I didn't vote because my answer doesn't neatly fit into that poll. My late wife was 16 years older than me, but at that time I was a lot younger than now. At my present age, 60, I will only date 8 years older than me because at this stage of life, I don't want to end up a caretaker again with a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@GreenAtheist Your comment is kind of confusing. Maybe you can clarify it a bit. I'll be satisfied if I live another 15 years. Who knows after that?

Elizabeth Warren: 'No To The Billionaires' Funding Politics | Rachel Maddow | MSNBC - YouTube

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Much as she would be an improvement as a nominee for the Dems or as a president than Hillary, I am skeptical about whether she can be trusted by progressives if she actually got power. Largely because she had her chance last time when she could have supported Bernie during the primaries, when it ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@snytiger6 In my observation, at least with politicians, it's exactly the opposite of you. Once they begin compromising and selling out, it just gets easier and easier to cross that line.

Whats it like having not settled down with a family by the time you are 30?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Didn't get married until I was 41, never had kids. Guess I never gave a damn about conforming or pleasing people who didn't know me. But to be honest, I wanted to be married earlier than that, just never had any luck with the traditional, conservative women of Iowa. None of them would have me for a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@Jolanta It's kind of puzzling even at this age. At this stage, I will date women 50-68 yo, and yes, I will gladly date women with kids as long as the kids are grown and out of the home, which, for almost all the women in that age range, is the case. But here is where it gets weird. Realistically, the women at the bottom of my age range (50-55) still won't reply to me or date me for two reasons it seems. One, the vast majority of them indicate on their profiles that they won't date more than a few years over their age but they will date as much as 12-15 years younger than them, pure cougars, just interested in sex, or just don't like older men at all, who knows? Secondly, I say in my profile essay, quite honestly, that I am not family-oriented, which means I don't want to spend most of my time with a woman visiting her kids and grandkids with her. The vast majority of women in my area my age say in their profiles that they are very family-oriented and I avoid those women while instead reaching out to the ones who don't say that and have kids as well as ones who don't have kids. The five women I have met in person while on Match for 15 months were all age 63-67 and not family-oriented, all a few to several years older than me. Their kids were all grown and they were independent women who were done playing mommy and interested in meeting a man to do couple things with. It's going to be a long, tough search for me because in my area most women grew up in the Midwest where family is everything to most women even if they are politically liberal and agnostic. I have discussed my situation with a lot of people and the concensous seems to be that women without kids who are in my age group are highly desired by men my age and that those women are quite aware that they are a highly prized minority on dating sites. Thus, they know they can do better than me on looks and money, so hence the lack of interest. Another reason may be that women without kids are looking ahead for when they get old and sick, so they prefer a man with kids, figuring his kids will comfort and look after the woman should she end up widowed.

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I wish members on this site would always specify if they are referring to online activity on this site or some other site. Don't know which this guy is talking about.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@TheGreatShadow I guess I still don't get or see the point in what you're trying to do. I'm wondering a bit if what you're up to is going to be seen by some of the women as playing games with them. Not a wise thing to do on this site as it will catch up to you and they will let you know about it. If you are here for dating as it seems you are, that's not the way you want to establish yourself here.

If necessary to testify in court would you put your hand on the bible?

MichaelSpinler comments on Jan 19, 2018:

i do, because i live in the bible belt, and if my ass is on the line, i dont need any bias towards me or my case. that being said, when i do jury duty, i refuse. its not required by law. as an atheist in the buybull belt, you must pick your battles. christians are two faced and will use it ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

Yup, I hate that phony, two-faced politeness with a smile. In Iowa, they call it " Iowa Nice". I call it phony, enforced politeness that is all fake bullshit. I refuse to participate in it and now that I'm retired, I don't need to play their game to get a job, so I confront the shit out it whenever I run across it just because I enjoy messing with these phonies, pissing them off, and making them squirm. But I even used to do it a lot even before I retired, just picked my battles, as you say.

Whether be believe in a women choice or right over her own body, the republicans and their wealthy ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Call me a hopeless cynic, but even tho I am very aware and supportive of PP and abortion rights groups, I seriously doubt the Repubs will ever get Roe V Wade overturned because even tho they have had the votes on the Supreme Court to do it for a long time, they know it would kill the Repub party ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 5, 2019:

@Redheadedgammy I understand that, but I've been watching politics a long time and the Repubs are very ruthless and calculating when it comes to keeping power. They would never risk it. Also remember that the Bible-thumpers in the Repub party do not hold the power in that crowd, the rich and the corporatists do. The Bible-thumpers are just being used in that party. Same way the unions and minorities get used by the Dems. Lots of lip service, but no real change provided to improve their lot. Think how much money and volunteers unions have provided to the Dems and yet the Dems have never even passed laws that would allow a union to be voted in with card check.

Whether be believe in a women choice or right over her own body, the republicans and their wealthy ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Call me a hopeless cynic, but even tho I am very aware and supportive of PP and abortion rights groups, I seriously doubt the Repubs will ever get Roe V Wade overturned because even tho they have had the votes on the Supreme Court to do it for a long time, they know it would kill the Repub party ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 5, 2019:

@Redheadedgammy Don't be concerned on this issue. Those two will do what the party tells them to do.

Why do men get so mad when they get rejected?

MrControversy comments on Mar 20, 2018:

Imagine if every single person you ask out rejects you. Every. Single. Person. Imagine that you've tried every single thing you can do to win someone's affection but it never works. Imagine living until you're old and gray and you still haven't found anyone. It's no excuse to lash out (and I don't ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

He has a point. I don't lash out at a woman when she rejects me online, but I would say 95% of my messages reaching out to someone on Match get no reply or a rejection message. The volume is overwhelming, as he says, and it does feel like an emotional pounding over time. Esp. if some of that message rejection is followed up by being stood up for two meetings and being ghosted a few times.

Why do your contacts not want to meet you in real life? Good article ! [sashacagen.com]

Sgt_Spanky comments on Jan 3, 2019:

The vast majority of the women here are just too far away to make meeting an option so I keep my expectations realistic and make the connections I can online. If it were do-able, there's at least a half dozen women here I'd ask out for a drink to meet and chat with in person. Just not all at ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

Same here. And maybe a couple might take me up on it.

Why do your contacts not want to meet you in real life? Good article ! [sashacagen.com]

Gwendolyn2018 comments on Jan 3, 2019:

I have had only two no-shows on the first meeting--after the first, I learned to tell the "iffy" ones that I would be a certain place at a certain time and if he wanted to stop by, that would be fine. One guy drove a couple of hours to see me and when he was scheduled to come again, never showed ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

@Gwendolyn2018 It's understandable for someone to be defensive, resentful or even bitter towards the opposite sex because of what other people of that gender have done to them, but I still feel that is often used as a self-serving excuse and it still does not make it right. People should really try to own and deal with their shit before mistreating innocent other people who have done nothing to that person except maybe be interested in getting to know them and dating them. As I begin and continue to interact with a woman from a dating site, I try to focus on what they are actually saying and doing and respond to that individual, basing my feelings on what they actually say and do. And if someone cannot do that and deal with each new person as an individual, maybe they shouldn't be on a dating site or trying to date at all. If I had the power to make the rules, all prospective members of dating sites would be required to provide proof of having received recent therapy before they were accepted as members. :sigh:

If you are in a relationship and could have sex on the side and be guaranteed not be caught, would ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 3, 2019:

The vast majority of people are found to be operating at a moral level of conformity or just doing whatever won't get them in trouble. I used to be fascinated by this subject, which was best researched by Lawrence Kolhberg quite a while ago using different hypo ?s like this. His research, like ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

@nicknotes Probably.

Why do your contacts not want to meet you in real life? Good article ! [sashacagen.com]

sweetcharlotte comments on Jan 3, 2019:

Agnostic.com is the first site I have ever been to where I typed with strangers on a Private Messenger System. You may think everyone knows the ropes of this, but you are very wrong. Wish I had known whats in this article, before I started writing people. Also wish I had a dictionary to understand...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

@Lucy_Fehr Yeah, it is a form of bait and switch since it does no good to have them on there if communication between them and you is not allowed both ways.

Why do your contacts not want to meet you in real life? Good article ! [sashacagen.com]

Gwendolyn2018 comments on Jan 3, 2019:

I have had only two no-shows on the first meeting--after the first, I learned to tell the "iffy" ones that I would be a certain place at a certain time and if he wanted to stop by, that would be fine. One guy drove a couple of hours to see me and when he was scheduled to come again, never showed ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

That is sad that none of them want you as you are. I admire that you are very honest with men about who you are and what you want. That is the best any of us can do and I wish more women had your honesty and lack of interest in playing games. Wish more men did too because I am tired of being punished by women in the dating world for other men's shit. Whatever happened to them long before they ended up on Match in the last year, I had nothing to do with as I was with my late wife since '95.

What You Need to Know About the Nice Girl Who’s Unbelievably Tough – Mind Activist

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 2, 2019:

Sounds like the unicorn of women, esp. if she's good-looking. Because people with great looks often don't get hurt as much as the rest of us and thus also don't develop as much depth of character or empathy.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

@Veteran229 You are so right about that, and it's one reason I see little hope for the future of our society. Relationships, even friendships and people in general are increasingly seen as totally disposable and it sickens and disgusts me. "And instantly know how to care", shit, most of these kids don't even know how to have a real face to face conversation without wondering what's going on with their phone....

If you are in a relationship and could have sex on the side and be guaranteed not be caught, would ...

Stepmomofdragons comments on Jan 3, 2019:

This is why I'm not into monogamous relationships. I'm not property to be told who I can express my feelings to and who I can't. When we can get past proprietary thinking in relationships, stuff like this question doesn't need to be asked.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

@Stepmomofdragons Can't speak for Kafir, but I get your point about poly arrangements not being as casual as I assumed. I admit that I have little knowledge of poly arrangements.

Well I'm scrolling around and figure this is a good place to express myself about feeling bad about ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 2, 2019:

Thanks for sharing. I read your profile and you have led an interesting life. As far as friends, it really does become a couples world socially at our age, when we no longer meet people thru work or school. I totally hear you about loneliness. Friends are hard to make. I'm lucky I met a male married...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

@K9Kohle789 I know from friends that having dogs can limit your freedom to be away. Sounds like it's a Catch-22 between neglecting your dogs, who are a real source of companionship and friendship, and being able to spend the time away to find human friends or a partner. Wish I could be more helpful.

??????????

SkotlandSkye comments on Jan 3, 2019:

oh, that's awful. Why do people do that to each other?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

Some people value living with integrity and some don't.

If you are in a relationship and could have sex on the side and be guaranteed not be caught, would ...

sweetcharlotte comments on Jan 3, 2019:

No. It is not worth hurting the person who doesn't know. Better to break up with one before making love with another. As @Pralina1 states, I also would rather have a truthful great relationship with the one man I already have, than go behind his back for a meaningless fling.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

As some guy said recently on another thread, you need to stick with the choices you've made and not continue shopping later....

If you are in a relationship and could have sex on the side and be guaranteed not be caught, would ...

UUNJ comments on Jan 3, 2019:

I would not at this point in time, but if I had a life partner who developed dementia and was unable to consent to sex or to comprehend an open relationship....

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

My late wife had dementia and, while I did not and would not choose to seek another partner in that scenario, I totally would understand and not judge someone who did make that kind of choice. That situation is very different than the hypo here. Thank you for bringing that up Melanie.

Why do your contacts not want to meet you in real life? Good article ! [sashacagen.com]

DenoPenno comments on Jan 3, 2019:

This makes no sense to me. It happens but makes no sense. I'm on another site where people chat and want to meet but never meet. One person finally got brave enough to give me the name of her town. What's that about. People talk but will not even meet you in public on neutral ground. Maybe you ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

I got stood up by a woman from Match about a month and a half ago, but fortunately the meeting was only a half hour away. But no way am I going to try dating someone who lives more than 50 miles away, and part of that is that I'm afraid of exactly the BS you experienced. Too many people are selfish, gutless or both. Also, I'm with you on texting. I won't do that on a phone. When I do that on here with PMs or on Match with e-mails, I prefer to write in paragraphs and actually converse. I guess we're out of touch old farts, lol!

Why do your contacts not want to meet you in real life? Good article ! [sashacagen.com]

sweetcharlotte comments on Jan 3, 2019:

Agnostic.com is the first site I have ever been to where I typed with strangers on a Private Messenger System. You may think everyone knows the ropes of this, but you are very wrong. Wish I had known whats in this article, before I started writing people. Also wish I had a dictionary to understand...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

My intent, when I joined this site over a year ago, was to meet women to date from my local area and enjoy community on this site. Having been here that long and found almost no women to date from my local area and having been rejected by the few I did try messaging, I have ended up becoming pen pals with a few women from the site that live far away. I assure you that most men on this site would prefer to be actually meeting women in person and dating, as would I if the numbers in my area would allow this to actually be a viable option. Until then, enjoying the discussion boards, being a pen pal of a few women, and using Match for my only real chance of finding someone to date are what I am doing. I have no interest in dating someone hours away from me. Ok, now I read the article. Nothing I hadn't already noticed on Match, namely that lots of people on there are not that interested in actually meeting and dating, but just enjoy stroking their egos with how much attention they can get from others. But, at least in my experience, the women on Match do not want to waste their time on trading messages for more than a few exchanges before meeting in person, probably because they get approached by so many guys if they are average-looking or above. It's also likely that lots of women on this site are settling for being pen pals of men on here when they would like to be actually meeting and dating men from this site, but are in the same boat as me. Being an Agnostic.com pen pal is not a bad thing because it allows someone to share experiences, get feedback from the opposite sex about the dating game, and get some validation of what one does have to offer the opposite sex without the constant rejection and dishonesty that go with online dating for the average person, esp. men.. With both people knowing that eventually meeting and dating is off the table and not going to happen, there is mutual benefit and room for honesty and friendship that are never going to happen on places like Match, where it's all about getting something for yourself only and trying to avoid wasting time on someone who isn't exactly what you want. And with the emotional beatdown that online dating on the paid sites can be, I know that it's helpful for me to get some honesty, support, and appreciation from women as a friend to balance out what I receive from most on Match. When over 95% of those you reach out to don't reply, it's nice to chat with someone that regularly replies to your PMs. I don't know if some women on Match get free memberships, but for me at $120 for six months, it seems pretty expensive for something to use only as an exercise in amusement, entertainment, and ego stroking, but some folks are that way I guess. Would just as soon spend the money on Netflix.

If you are in a relationship and could have sex on the side and be guaranteed not be caught, would ...

Stepmomofdragons comments on Jan 3, 2019:

This is why I'm not into monogamous relationships. I'm not property to be told who I can express my feelings to and who I can't. When we can get past proprietary thinking in relationships, stuff like this question doesn't need to be asked.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

@Kafir Your sentiment is beautiful. I know it sounds corny and old-fashioned, but for me the way I've always been wired, love and sex are too wrapped up together to be that casual about it. I know many other people are different that way and that's fine with me. The point is being honest about what you want and what you are willing to give. I don't see that as being someone's property, it's about a brave partnership.

If you are in a relationship and could have sex on the side and be guaranteed not be caught, would ...

Beowulfsfriend comments on Jan 3, 2019:

Post a poll. I wouldn't. That's me. Reason - Why, if you love someone.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

Great idea. People might be more honest... or not. This post hypothetical is really a question about whether each of us has a conscience or values integrity, or not. The scenario is just a way to get at that.

If you are in a relationship and could have sex on the side and be guaranteed not be caught, would ...

John_Tyrrell comments on Jan 3, 2019:

Guaranteed not to get caught? Until you said that I was all for it. But once you offer impossible guarantees? No way. This is a set-up isn't it? There's a dozen hidden cameras in the motel room, right? My wife's hired a P.I. to pay you to do this hasn't she?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

@John_Tyrrell Never happened with me and never will. Of course I have the advantages of not being terribly attractive and not being interested in cheating.