I'm sort of at a loss with Match.

Maiasaura comments on Oct 14, 2018:

Tom, I would think that many of the women in your dating age range have kids that are already grown and out of the house. Are adult kids a deal-breaker, too? If so, perhaps you should specify that in your profile.

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 15, 2018:

@Maiasaura Problem is the childless women on Match, small number that they are, have never been willing to reply to any messages where I contact them initially to indicate interest. If they won't give me a chance, I'll spend a long time waiting.. It's been over a year and probably close to 50 opening e-mails to different childless women and not one response. What are they rejecting me on?

I'm sort of at a loss with Match.

Maiasaura comments on Oct 14, 2018:

Tom, I would think that many of the women in your dating age range have kids that are already grown and out of the house. Are adult kids a deal-breaker, too? If so, perhaps you should specify that in your profile.

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 15, 2018:

@Maiasaura Your last sentence is the description of an abusive relationship which I would never want. But the problem is women are very emotional and defensive about this subject, so I think any mention of not being family-oriented or that interested in spending time with their family sets them off on assuming the worst about a man. Maybe they need some therapy or to grow up some more so they are actually hearing what is said instead of just hearing what they think or assume is being said. How do you communicate with people who hear what they assume or want to hear instead of the actual words on the screen?

I'm sort of at a loss with Match.

Maiasaura comments on Oct 14, 2018:

Tom, I would think that many of the women in your dating age range have kids that are already grown and out of the house. Are adult kids a deal-breaker, too? If so, perhaps you should specify that in your profile.

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 15, 2018:

@Maiasaura I think what I really want, and wish women on Match would listen to instead of just making assumptions that distort my words, is that once I've been dating someone several months or more, that we go spend time alone as a couple-without grandkids or family around. I wouldn't care that much about the phone setting, unless it's at an entertainment event or we are alone at one of our homes watching a movie or having food together, etc. It's about the ratio of dates with just us to the number of family visits or times seeing family.

I'm sort of at a loss with Match.

Maiasaura comments on Oct 14, 2018:

Tom, I would think that many of the women in your dating age range have kids that are already grown and out of the house. Are adult kids a deal-breaker, too? If so, perhaps you should specify that in your profile.

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 15, 2018:

@Maiasaura You're over-assuming about my attitude. Your earlier or first sentence sound about right. I think women are quick to assume the most extreme conclusion about my feelings on a dating site and that's what makes it so frustrating. How do you explain yourself in a dating profile in a way that is clear and reassuring enough that it doesn't instead just set off red flags and knee-jerk defensive reactions in women?

I'm sort of at a loss with Match.

A2Jennifer comments on Oct 14, 2018:

I had terrible luck on Match too. Was on for a year. NEVER met a person face-to-face. The few guys who expressed any interest in me were completely inappropriate, and the ones I messaged didn’t respond. And then I got charged for a renewal when I shouldn’t have been. Won’t waste any more time ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 15, 2018:

@A2Jennifer Thank you for the suggestion about Ok Cupid, but when I took a look at it, it seems to be run by and probably meant for people who are more your age than mine. Do you have any idea if it has a lot of people on it that are in their 50s and 60s? Otherwise it would be useless for me as my dating age range is 50-68.

I'm sort of at a loss with Match.

Maiasaura comments on Oct 14, 2018:

Tom, I would think that many of the women in your dating age range have kids that are already grown and out of the house. Are adult kids a deal-breaker, too? If so, perhaps you should specify that in your profile.

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 14, 2018:

Believe me, adult kids are not a dealbreaker to me. The problem is the women in my age range seem to be still very tied up in seeing the grandkids and the adult kids in most of their free time, particularly if the woman is still working, as are many of ones in my age range such as the early to mid 60s. They just want to spend as much of their free time as family time as possible. Which makes you wonder, as I do, why they are paying good money to be on a dating site to find a guy. Unless their plan is to find only a man that will happily spend most or all of his time with her visiting her family. Apparently must be plenty of men out there who will at least say that is what they want. But I have my doubts whether they are that sincere about it. In the meantime, I guess I can sit and wait for them to try out those guys before they ever give me a chance. I say nothing specific about adult kids in my profile, just that after several months of dating-which I would take as getting serious and probably exclusive- that I would want the woman to start making couple time a priority over family time.

What is the correct story about 9/11?

242Foxtrot comments on Oct 14, 2018:

No, stop it! It's a ridiculous conspiracy theory. And don't even bother posting your "evidence". Please. But Bush, Cheney, et. al. are responsible for the false flag attack on Iraq, and look what that got us.

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 14, 2018:

@Xuande See snytiger6 comment above.

What is the correct story about 9/11?

242Foxtrot comments on Oct 14, 2018:

No, stop it! It's a ridiculous conspiracy theory. And don't even bother posting your "evidence". Please. But Bush, Cheney, et. al. are responsible for the false flag attack on Iraq, and look what that got us.

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 14, 2018:

So you have an explanation for Building 7 blowing up without being struck by a plane?

I'm sort of at a loss with Match.

242Foxtrot comments on Oct 14, 2018:

The volume of spam messages on match was way too much, so I canceled it. I do have my suspicions about phony profiles on the site, too. Deleting the photos of young women with phone numbers scrawled across their main profile pics was like playing a game of whack-a-mole. I don't miss it.

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 14, 2018:

Totally agree about the whack-a-mole thing, but I found that on Our Time, not on Match, which seems to police the scammers pretty well these days.

I'm sort of at a loss with Match.

A2Jennifer comments on Oct 14, 2018:

I had terrible luck on Match too. Was on for a year. NEVER met a person face-to-face. The few guys who expressed any interest in me were completely inappropriate, and the ones I messaged didn’t respond. And then I got charged for a renewal when I shouldn’t have been. Won’t waste any more time ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 14, 2018:

Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by how you got so little response on Match. It's obvious to me that looks are a big part of what interests men in women on dating sites and your photo looks nice. Must have been info in your bio that maybe made you seem too hip or offbeat for them, but still, hard to believe you never met anyone in person because your profile seemed too incompatible to the men.

I'm sort of at a loss with Match.

AnneWimsey comments on Oct 14, 2018:

Well, i am 70, but been on Match off & on, and a few other sites, (I like POF, free, and seems to have less married creeps) for about 8 years...now off because a friendship right under my nose is turning into something else. The only things I would say would be to not lead with the widowed thing, ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 14, 2018:

@AnneWimsey See comment below.......

I'm sort of at a loss with Match.

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 13, 2018:

PS- I would love for the women of this site, especially the ones in their 50s and 60s, to visit my profile and give me feedback on what they think of it. Thanks, Tom

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 14, 2018:

I appreciate the assessment, Anne. But I also have free speech and the right to explain-defend-whatever... You are not in charge of others!

I'm sort of at a loss with Match.

birdingnut comments on Oct 14, 2018:

Hi, Tom, and welcome to the website! This website has a bit of a learning curve, so here's some info, in case you need it. For members who are open to dating, certain thumbnails and profiles have a heart symbol on them with a percentage. This identifies which members are open to dating, and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 14, 2018:

Was more interested in getting feedback on my post. Thanks anyway for the briefing on the site. Hope I can eventually meet someone compatible on here.

I'm sort of at a loss with Match.

AnneWimsey comments on Oct 14, 2018:

Well, i am 70, but been on Match off & on, and a few other sites, (I like POF, free, and seems to have less married creeps) for about 8 years...now off because a friendship right under my nose is turning into something else. The only things I would say would be to not lead with the widowed thing, ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 14, 2018:

PS- As far as meeting the woman first and assessing the kid situation, no, I would rather state my position up front and not waste my time or theirs if that issue is a dealbreaker. I am very honest and proud of it, even if most people don't reward me for it.

I'm sort of at a loss with Match.

AnneWimsey comments on Oct 14, 2018:

Well, i am 70, but been on Match off & on, and a few other sites, (I like POF, free, and seems to have less married creeps) for about 8 years...now off because a friendship right under my nose is turning into something else. The only things I would say would be to not lead with the widowed thing, ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 14, 2018:

You're probably right about leading with the info that I am widowed, but then again, it's just another example of all the ignorant assumptions that people make about others on dating sites. My profile is actually pretty long compared to most and I have plenty of info about my interests and what type of woman (personality-wise) that I am seeking. As far as women with kids, I do not automatically reject them, I just state up front that I am not family-oriented and that while I'm willing to spend time with her and her family after a few or several dates, I do not want to end up spending most of my time with her around family once we've been dating for several months. I can't help it if most women read those words and respond knee-jerk as if I am opposed to spending any time around kids or her family. In reality I lost my wife, the person I married, loved, and knew well for over many years to dementia that began in 2011. So, in all reality, I've been without a healthy, functioning partner for several years now. That's why if I meet a compatible woman I'd like to start making up for lost time, such as travelling with her. Something I've been missing for the last ten years.

I don't use online dating sites but for those who do... [m.top10bestdatingsites.com]

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 13, 2018:

I've been on Match a year and only met 4 women in person. It's not that I'm that overly picky. It's that I'm childless and not family-oriented along with being average-looking, a non-drinker, hates country music (in Iowa that's a big thing), not into college sports,not into redneck stuff like Nascar...

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 13, 2018:

One other thing that gets really old is all the profiles that say nothing about what the person is seeking as far as looks and appearance when we all have at least some minimum standards of looks in who we will accept or reject in deciding to meet or learn more about the person thru e-mails. So the photos are very important at least in getting someone to want to trade more e-mails and later meet in person. But only a minority of women on Match will admit in their profiles that they believe "attraction", "chemistry" or some other euphanism for potential sexual attraction later on is important in whose interest will be replied to or whose initial e-mails will be returned.

Im curious to know how many people believe that after the age of 60-65 or even older that they are ...

thinktwice comments on Oct 9, 2018:

I am proof that at age 64, love and lust are alive and well...starting with the mind, the body follows with loads of endorphins and pheromones and other chemical reactions...I feel like a teenager 24/7, only with more experience and confidence. I believe it never ends unless you stop it prematurely,...

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 13, 2018:

I agree with you. See my comment at the top of the thread.

Im curious to know how many people believe that after the age of 60-65 or even older that they are ...

UUNJ comments on Oct 6, 2018:

The butterflies are caused by hormones in the brain, and those don’t change with age. It’s just harder to find someone whose baggage and quirks are compatible.

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 13, 2018:

I agree with both you and the woman on the end of the thread. The quirks and baggage make compatibility tougher to find, but when you do find the right person the emotions will still be there, even tho the hormones probably aren't as intense.

I’m not here to debate my beliefs. I am here to meet someone compatible.

Jefrey1f comments on Oct 13, 2018:

Dialogue and debate are not the same. The whole point here is to find people more likely to be compatible.

TomMcGiverin replies on Oct 13, 2018:

I totally agree. The only two reasons for me to be on here is to meet someone compatible to date-not very likely with the small number of women in my area-and in the meantime, to have a place to discuss love and relationships with other non-conformist, like-minded people who, like me, are also more likely to be childfree and politically liberal as well as intellectual or maybe even a fellow hipster.

I’ve seen a couple of comments on here about how important it is to lay out expectations when ...

evestrat comments on May 7, 2018:

I'm with you ... my philosophy in the beginning stages of a relationship is "no expectations". I want to enjoy the process of getting to know someone without the Expectation Monster breathing down my/our necks ... However, I have noticed that more often than not, people who I date/chat with have...

TomMcGiverin replies on May 7, 2018:

@evestrat Based on my experience so far, it seems like people on paid dating sites are doing nothing but "checking off boxes" on someone beginning with as soon as they read the profile.

Why do so many men want a woman who is younger than they are?

DUCHESSA comments on Apr 29, 2018:

They think their ED will get cured if they are with a young chick. :)

TomMcGiverin replies on Apr 30, 2018:

@DUCHESSA Your argument is that older men are often too rigid in their ways and that may well be the other main reason women in their fifties don't want to date them. Makes sense.

Why do so many men want a woman who is younger than they are?

DUCHESSA comments on Apr 29, 2018:

They think their ED will get cured if they are with a young chick. :)

TomMcGiverin replies on Apr 29, 2018:

@Atheisteuse Meant to say " I see the same attitude being practiced"....

Why do so many men want a woman who is younger than they are?

DUCHESSA comments on Apr 29, 2018:

They think their ED will get cured if they are with a young chick. :)

TomMcGiverin replies on Apr 29, 2018:

@Atheisteuse Based on my observations of women on Match and their stated age ranges of who they will date, it's not the women your age that are avoiding men their own age. It's the women about ten years younger than you who are doing this. I make no judgement about their choice, mainly because I seem the same attitude being practiced by most men in that same age group. I see no reason women should be seen any different than men when it comes to seeking only younger or at most partners no older than them. This preference seems to be the most common practice among men and women who are 50-55.

Why do so many men want a woman who is younger than they are?

DUCHESSA comments on Apr 29, 2018:

They think their ED will get cured if they are with a young chick. :)

TomMcGiverin replies on Apr 29, 2018:

Actually, what I am seeing a lot of on Match.com is the trend of women who are in their early to mid-fifties playing "cougar" and refusing to date men who are their own age or even a couple years older than them. My guess about this (which was supported by a woman in that age group that I chatted with) is that those women won't date men their own age because of a belief that all or too many men over 50 have ED. Whether that is the truth or not doesn't really matter, it appears that many women in their 50s have concluded that it is.

What are your most success methods used in conversation topics on a first date?

Traveler7064 comments on Dec 17, 2017:

Dating does not seem to have gotten any easier as I aged. I am 50, and I have an assumption that women in our age group who have been married/ or had long relationships, would just want to skip all the superficial stuff and get to the meat. I want to know if we are compatible, and discover any deal ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Apr 16, 2018:

You are exactly right about online dating! If you are lucky enough to meet a woman in person they ARE just waiting like a tripwire for you to say something that they feel is a dealbreaker or a red flag in the conversation. Because as soon as you do they will count you as disqualified and go right back to their online shopping in the catalog of online photos and profiles. The problem is that they never seem to get the reality that each is person is a holistic, flawed person and you can't always be seeking a perfect partner. There must always be some compromise on our ideals for a partner and who we actually get, much less stay with long-term. Anyone who's ever been married a long time comes to see and realize this. What puzzles me is how many women on dating sites say they have been divorced, but they sure don't seem to have learned much from their experience about themselves, their own contributions or fault in the divorce, or the reality of how relationships require compromise and flexibility, etc. Maybe I just need to wait on the women who are widowed like me....... And then they wonder why ( the divorced women especially), after a couple years or more on a dating site, that they are still looking for the right man even after meeting several or more from the site.....