I love the smell of socially acceptable chemical dependence in the morning. Do you?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 11, 2019:

Can't cut loose until I've had my juice.

Just one drink with a fox.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 11, 2019:

I've had that happened to me at **home.** Bar bills are too sobering.

Making the world safe for Mickey D's

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 11, 2019:

Every time I strike up a conversation with someone in the Middle East, they bring this up. Whatever happened to Coke Cola imperialism?

How one might like to respond to others.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 11, 2019:

Yell "idealistic bull twinkies" if you disagree and keep it to yourself.

What the fuss is about

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 11, 2019:

You're not from around here, are you boy?

Aliens don’t want to talk to us anyway

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 10, 2019:

Story of religion: If you don't know what it is all about -- make up a story. If they buy it, tell 'em what to do for you.

Hope you like to cook!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 10, 2019:

I had a cat that dug up mole crickets.

Who do you want to spend Valentine's Day with?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 10, 2019:

Petunia doesn't approve of committee gathering on Valentine's Day, regardless how many cards I get.

Well, did a physician really just predict the future, or did is it just another lie dictated by ...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 10, 2019:

**If** we'un's say anything different, we'un's getting fired.

The US of the South -Build wall here.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 10, 2019:

The citizens of Dixie tried it already. The great white north couldn't live without us.

karma can be a ....

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 10, 2019:

Your karma, my dogma.

Intermission...(by request)

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 10, 2019:

I've been so unfortunate. I've had more than my share of wild, lusty affairs with models. I've never had one that **wanted** to walk around in high heels and guarder belts around the house.

Fancy bumping into YOU here.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 10, 2019:

The early Egyptians who recorded **everything in stone** didn't mention Moses. The travel time between the two countries for a backpacker is two weeks.

I have dogs, she has cats,.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 10, 2019:

**Abandon all hope.** Dogs are for people who have a frantic unquestioned need for friendship. There's no question your dog loves you. It will run up to you, lick your face, amazingly happy to see you again. You can kick it across the yard and it will **still love you.** In return, you get to clean up after it relieves itself because it forgot house training and you'll need to take it for walks. While you're walking it, it might want to attack the MILF in the neighborhood during her afternoon stroll. It will protect you from strangers you want to meet as well as the ones you'd like to avoid. Cat wants to think about loving you. They **might** wander over, rub your shins or they might just hog their place in the sun. Sometimes, at its choice, it may let you show your affection. Show it a maintained sandbox and you won't have to pick up cat turds. Take it outside and it'll bury its wastes. At worse, a cat will annoy the MILF when she drops over for cocktails. The payoff for the cat owner is it keeps vermin at bay. It will be hiding when the burglar breaks in. Likewise the emotional differences between cat lovers and dog lovers are different. You have seen the line in the sand. Cross it at your peril.

Butte County is glowing green after the fire. Most of this canyon burned hot. [facebook.com]

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 9, 2019:

Rising from the ashes first: pine trees.

Why is it that nearly all of the ladies who show up with high compatibility scores for me are in ...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 9, 2019:

It's that way for me as well: they are all way, way OVER THERE. Often in some other country. Eastern Europe awaits! I used to belong to a failing social media (they changed ownership several times before I left) that would let me zero down all the posters in my zip code. They were all black lesbians. Not the group that would hang out with me.

Breakfast down on Fleet Street

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 9, 2019:

As long as you didn't turn the oven **on.**

You wanna take a dip in the pool?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 9, 2019:

You guys DO know it's February?

I've been told by friends that I'm the most militant atheist they know.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 9, 2019:

I don't preach atheism at random strangers. However, once the outwardly religious start preaching at me they're fair game .

Sorry I've been away but I'm back just as angry and anti-Trump administration.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 9, 2019:

I'm a monarchist, thanks. Trump is an example why you shouldn't let people vote.

The King got Rooked out of his Castle by the Bishop last Knight

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 9, 2019:

In chess, the white folks always start the trouble.

Honolulu...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 9, 2019:

If she's got an elaborate hairdo in place, why would she go swimming?

Breadstick

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 9, 2019:

No thanks.

Pretty faces .... That's this weeks scavenger hunt.... Just the face....

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 8, 2019:

Grabbing a face to go.

This is my brand of "sexy": understated, and oh, so suggestive.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 8, 2019:

I want a bigger bath tub with a short woman willing to share the bathwater. I want one with bear claw feet -- the bathtub, that is. First, I got to get a bigger bathroom.

I don't know who she is, but it's a rather cute rope bondage picture.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 8, 2019:

More like fun with duct tape. If a person was into B&D, I'd think first they'd take off her clothes. More hide! Less dress!

AAAAAND I'm in a timeout.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 8, 2019:

Afterwards, he'll go back to writing for Breitbart and the National Enquirer.

Keep it up..

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 8, 2019:

Someone already stole the chair for the desk.

The truth about General Motors.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 8, 2019:

While he has valid points, his delivery is so over the top I'm thinking it's his first six pack of the day.

Maybe things are looking up

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 8, 2019:

Judges are less prone to be draconian if you're sharply dressed. It sends a message to them that you respect the court. However as @bookofmoron, points out it doesn't automatically assure a light hand.

My daughter expressed some interest in spaghetti.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 7, 2019:

Did you use a pasta machine?

I love this dress ... Supergirls cape lol... How do you like it?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 7, 2019:

A cape hangs off the shoulders. This place is getting more like Women's Wear Monthly.

This has been making the rounds round social media today.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 7, 2019:

Here it's warm (80f) and the sun is shinning. I'm staying indoors coughing up slime and blowing my nose.

I have not been here for a while. Thought I'd stop by and say hi. Hope all is well!?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 7, 2019:

I'd gross everyone out if I told them what this cold is doing to me.

Speaking of porn....

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 7, 2019:

Porn is about unlikely fantasy. If women where as horny as they are in porn, there'd be moss growing in their crotch. The most oversold porno fantasy is lesbians munching on each other's carpets would stop everything if only a well hung guy would walk in on the action. Ho, ho, lucky Pierre!

The bedroom is upstairs... You coming or what?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 7, 2019:

Among those who wear +6 inch spike heels, the **first** thing they do when they get home is take their shoes off. The second thing to go is the bra, especially if it's an under wire bra and set their puppies free. It gives me the impression this photo is a fantasy for the great unlaid who see hot smoking women in public but never take them home. The glare off her back says the photographer got his f-stops wrong -- it's over developed.

Be honest, is this too much lettuce?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 7, 2019:

The last time I saw a burger like this, it was featured at the heart attack grill in Las Vegas. They take pride in how many heart attacks they've caused. Cash only because you might die before your check clears. For one of the strangest restaurants see: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fZYpYPlWYw

wine at both locals

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 7, 2019:

My, isn't this the scatalogicial group? Well, let's clear something up: that size butt is the US measurement or two hogsheads. Abroad, they have bigger butts. By the way, a hogshead is your basic barrel containing 63 gallons as opposed to a 55 gallon barrel of oil. It does get worse. When it come to indelicate units of measure, there is also a shitload of whiskey. The weight and volume of actual shits vary but when it comes to whiskey, there's a standard.

I've been absent but collecting...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 7, 2019:

Good to have you back. Have a cup of coffee (_)?

Sudden thought on "the Wall": It has just dawned on me.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 7, 2019:

It's a low wall to keep bagpipes out. Didn't work. Anyone playing an instrument that sounds like cat being molested OUGHT to be kept out of civilized society. Disclaimer: Some of my ancestors fled Scotland and interbred with Native American tribes because they couldn't stand white people. Now, the Native Americans can't stand them.

El Paso, one of America's safest cities was that was long before a wall was built per their sheriff...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 7, 2019:

I can't think of El Passo without Kinky Freeman https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n__tAHR5ErM

Not too damn happy, people!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 7, 2019:

Petunia refuses to consider my last request: get kicked off a shrimp boat in international waters. Feed the crabs. Party hardy on the boat. Wait for people to dance on my grave.

Science.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 7, 2019:

What is that picture?

Mike Pence can't "guarantee" there won't be another government shutdown [axios.com] Your thoughts?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 6, 2019:

He's dumb enough to do it, even if it's political suicide to do it **twice.**

Red balls...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 6, 2019:

Her necklace has a bunch of black balls as well. It would have to be a tiny little fellow to have either size balls. You guys are reading too much into this.

Why would someone not have a profile picture on a dating site?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 6, 2019:

Nobody wants to date Jabba the Hutt. He had to chain his women down. It comes down to "You ugly. Me ugly. We single." Additionally if you're trying to avoid people you owe money to or have other relations you're trying to avoid, the last thing you'll want is your ugly mug out on line. That being said, I find if you French their minds their bodies will follow.

Earlier a fellow flirted me up at work.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 6, 2019:

**Most** people want to stay within their age bracket. The prime time to do that is during formal schooling. Therefore **most** people get hitched after they finish high school or college. After that, it's all left over from those who didn't work out. That's the story behind all the nightmare dating adventures later in life. I married Petunia (my second wife) on the day I was supposed to be attending my college graduation services. She's younger than I am and I'm her *first* husband. I married her partly because she had the **least** problems as a left over. I went 30 years between wives, playing swinging divorced man, dating tattooed women and oddly having wonderful time. During that interlude, I kept finding women I couldn't trust to keep their word. Prime requirement for a spouse is trust. If you can't trust them, don't marry them; don't live with them.

CARRIE by Ted Kooser "There's never an end to dust and dusting," my aunt would say as her rag, ...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 6, 2019:

Petunia's motto is "If a woman's work is never done, why start?" I married a clutter monkey.

Drove this beauty off the lot yesterday - all mine now! Next up - outfitting her for life on the ...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 6, 2019:

Before you go a wandering, visit You Tube and binge watch Traveling Robert. Early in his almost 20 years of videos, he documented life on the road in an RV. His big problem with an RV was driving it in town. He converted to a large camper and tows it to the campground before parking it and exploring the local sights in either a truck or a car. He's visited a long list of places in America and a short list of places in Canada including places near me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oi8E_6Eg7kY.

It’s important

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 6, 2019:

How do you define "obsession" again?

I'd like clarify some of our policies here at g:31 .

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 6, 2019:

Warning here:

True story the ER

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 6, 2019:

Was it the beater bar that did you in?

Advise a auto mechanic

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 6, 2019:

Change the air in your tires. Put nitrogen in your tires instead.

I'm afraid to ask

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 6, 2019:

Whatever it is, it takes two hands to part the curtain (?)

Sounds like me

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 6, 2019:

I call that my post breakfast nap.

No time to look. The wall

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 6, 2019:

I fail to see the connection between Trump's proposed border wall and his pitiful toad pecker* or how drainage fits into any of it. "In an upcoming book from pornographic film actress Stephanie Clifford, aka Stormy Daniels, President Trump's genitals are likened to "the mushroom character in 'Mario Kart'."

state of the union

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 6, 2019:

I skipped the speech because I it'll be reviewed to death on the news today.

So me. I completely understand.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 6, 2019:

My late uncle was so generous and forgiving that everyone thought he was jiving them about his atheism.

Make America Think Again.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 6, 2019:

**Not going to happen.**

Just one squirt!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 6, 2019:

Give them everyone in the house super soakers instead.

The Messiah for Morons

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 6, 2019:

Disgustingly close to the truth.

Not in a Kia Soul unless he's as short as I am.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 5, 2019:

Looks largely like an air mattress on a back seat. Meh. Get a room.

What a view!!!!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 5, 2019:

Got your tweezers? There are wood splinters on the dock.

Meanwhile in airport tower, they're asking serious questions.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 5, 2019:

A cat with **wings**?

Happens to me all the time.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 5, 2019:

Pass me the sunscreen.

It's a rhetorical question. Stop waving your hands.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 5, 2019:

She needs a smaller shirt.

A case of "get that thing outta my face."

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 5, 2019:

On the plus side, he's got a hat.

? Your breakfast is on the countertop... Eat up!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 5, 2019:

Get that woman an apron. I got to use the frying pan and I don't want her to get spattered from the grease.

Happy Year of the Pig, everyone!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 5, 2019:

Depending on your translation, the year of the boar. Knowing this group, I'm shocked nobody said "Now let's go make some bacon."

She's easy to forget.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 5, 2019:

This has been an ad for post it notes.

She gets predictable responses.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 5, 2019:

Got a feeling she doesn't go swimming.

Good morning ... in case you're all wondering ...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 5, 2019:

@BoxDoc That sounds like my experience the ONLY time I ever used a dating site. It was a quarter ton of copy and paste responses on my part followed by an overwhelming lack of response. When I did get a date, she told me she picked me because my picture showed me wearing street clothes and a snappy looking cowboy hat. She showed me the other pictures of guys with little or no clothing who tried to date her. Guys with a six pack and a thong. She said I was the only guy on the site wearing a shirt. One guy promised if she didn't go out with him, he'd hunt her down and kidnap her. Smooth dude. She was a reasonably attractive woman who'd just joined the first wives club with horror tales to tell about guys trying to go out with her. It's not happy hunting out there. My guess is most women abandon the dating service after finding socially awkward, nearly naked and horny morons who want to take them out. The gal I did find on line pointed out that reoccurring theme back then was almost all the women were looking for long walks on the beach, holding hands. At the time I was trying out my metal detector on the beach on the weekends. It was common for bikini babes to stop me as I walked by and ask me if the metal detector worked. I'd scan their face to prove it did work. It found fillings in their teeth. Best ice breaker I've ever used. Other than that, I found plenty of metallic garbage like aluminum foil wrappers, empty beer cans, bottle caps . . . . and a bunch of moronic guys who'd yell out "If you find anything valuable, it's mine." BIG DEAL: it found a minimum of six lonesome bikini clad women asking a remarkably stupid question every weekend. Every third one would ask me to sit down and have a drink with her. Thirsty work digging up beer cans. I never found any watches or rings. A whole 85 cents in spare change. MINOR DEAL: it was common to find women's profiles that said they were looking for a "fiscally secure" guy who liked to travel. They might as well said "Got a fat wallet? Own your own home debt free? Do you go to Paris on the weekends?"

Who's ready for the SOTUS! LOL! I may just turn my television off!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 5, 2019:

You people ought to come over a night of free drinks for every time he lies. "It's a national emergency. They're all bringing rapists, murders . . . " [pass around the tequila shots] " . . . Their women are all bound and gaged . . . " [pass around the tequila shots] " . . . They're bringing thousands of Arab terrorists, 5,000 just this month alone . . . " [pass around the tequila shots] " . . . We can't stop them without a wall . . ." [pass around the bottle of tequila] Anyone who can still walk ten minutes into the speech will be given a prize and a cab ride home.

tRump apologized for the Access Hollywood tape and then Reversed that! Now think about Virginia! ...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 5, 2019:

Here in South Carolina, which voted solidly for Trump, they'd lynch me if I wore that hat.

Got to look when you have a knife in your hand.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 5, 2019:

Right after the second thunder flutter fart.

Here I go agian

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 5, 2019:

My nudes were attacked by birds.

Come on now! If you don't like this pic or comment, I don't know what you people want !

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 4, 2019:

Because of the camera angle, her right arm looks like she's Popeye.

One of my best campgrounds for an extended stay is on Huntington Island State Park, SC.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 4, 2019:

In the zoo, a person is likely to be flanked by birds while while watching the otters or alligators.

One of my best campgrounds for an extended stay is on Huntington Island State Park, SC.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 4, 2019:

When they release newly hatched butterflies at their butterfly house, they zero in on landing on the visitors.

Dear Music: Thank you always for clearing my head, healing my heart and lifting my spirits.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 4, 2019:

I enjoy the unpopular stuff: jazz. It's so unpopular, that during Seneca, SC, free concert series Jazz on Alley, they seldom play any jazz.

In mint condition.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 4, 2019:

Moi? I'm amazingly amazing yet modest about it.

Just for kicks and giggles I recently put an ad in the classifieds on the internet in the personal ...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 4, 2019:

>(The F...en scammers think we are stupid). My major question: what makes you think they have a sex life? Considering most of the posts/replies, they're not all that far off on the stupidity on line. >Time to edit my ad to unless you talk on the phone do not contact me . . . . Most women don't want to give their phone numbers away to relatively total strangers. They might want to Skype instead. **Big deal:** Unless you want 5,000 replies, don't start posts asking about what kind of horror tales women have about meeting guys on line. Twitch. Back when I was single, the easiest way to get a date off the Internet was make frequent interesting posts and replies with follow up e-mails instead joining a dating site. However, when it came to going out with those women they were rarely in my town. Often they weren't even in my country. If you have unlimited free air fare . . .

Trump Comes Out Strongly Against Intelligence [newyorker.com]

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 4, 2019:

"Andy Borowitz . . . . writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com" It amazes me how seldom Andy is not that far from the truth.

I love coffee, but....

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 4, 2019:

Have you been to a craft beer tavern?

[nationaleconomicseditorial.com] What do you think?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 3, 2019:

The key point of the report is " . . . . we really don’t know how many illegal immigrants live in America." In other words, it's numbers they just made up.

You;ve got to find people who love like you do?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 3, 2019:

I look for **intelligent** people. If they loved me, they'd have bad taste.

Scientists Have Detected an Enormous Cavity Growing Beneath Antarctica PETER DOCKRILL 31 JAN 2019 ...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 3, 2019:

Now is the time to buy real estate in the Great White North: before Hudson Bay is a warm water port.

What are things you regularly say to people when they use a figure of speech.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 3, 2019:

Ritualistic responses are the point for when another really doesn't care to get involved in a a conversation, thinking the ritualistic response is the polite thing to say. You might want to say "Now get the fuck outta of my face" but the ritualistic response is "Have a nice day." When someone says "Have a nice day" to me my response is "I have other plans, thanks."

One of my best campgrounds for an extended stay is on Huntington Island State Park, SC.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 3, 2019:

Here's a few pictures of the statues, our tents, dawn on the beach, the butterflies and the zoo.

Intermission...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 2, 2019:

Sheldon Cooper, Big Bang Theory: "You can't sit there. That's my spot."

No thanks.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 2, 2019:

My inner child rode off on my Chia pet.

Interesting forecast.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 2, 2019:

The weather girl is NEVER 89 and weighs in at 230 pounds or above.

Got an email my post was denied.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 2, 2019:

When I get a denied post, I never get a reason, the name of the group, the description of the post or the name of the person or persons who denied my post. At that point, I slam my meaty paw on the desk, snarl the vulgarity of the moment and carry on.

Like all the money blown going after Clintons emails

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 2, 2019:

He brought in investors on those casinos before he bankrupted them.

Guess I’m not the only tumbleweed survivor of the Camp Fire in Butte County, CA - my address has ...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 2, 2019:

**Open for a visit.** Fair warning: there's not much to do in Seneca, SC. You'd like the campgrounds around here that feature lakeside camping at almost every spot.

Equal rights for all humans!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 2, 2019:

It's that ect that disturbs me.

Chat room open in less than a minute....

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 2, 2019:

When I read that it was 5 a.m. An extremely long minute from now.

Just my luck.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 2, 2019:

In the bad old days, you got rid of junk mail by marking it "refused." In most cases, the sender paid postage to get their mail returned. That always got me off the mailing list.

Got a little shaggy.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 2, 2019:

Yea, but try to get a buck out of gal that doesn't like your looks.

I totally agree.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 2, 2019:

COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E. -- Devil's Dictionary.