I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 22, 2022:

Some comedians can really slay their topics.

Zealandia replies on Feb 22, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada If a baseball bat is presented, you know it’s been an excellent session. Wheelchair provided free.

I’m looking for the girl next door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 21, 2022:

You could be at it for a looooooong time.

Zealandia replies on Feb 22, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada I didn’t know what a dinner roll is, it’s not a term in general use here. I’d say bread roll. I’ll raise above this, knead to roll on regardless….

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

FrayedBear comments on Feb 22, 2022:

Which one?

Zealandia replies on Feb 22, 2022:

@FrayedBear This explains my comment better.

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 22, 2022:

Some comedians can really slay their topics.

Zealandia replies on Feb 22, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada You know it’s been a successful gig if you lose a kneecap at the end.

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 22, 2022:

Some comedians can really slay their topics.

Zealandia replies on Feb 22, 2022:

Yeah, you got to be ready for any putin downs from the audience.

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

FrayedBear comments on Feb 22, 2022:

Which one?

Zealandia replies on Feb 22, 2022:

Or be asked if you know Siberia at all?

I’m looking for the girl next door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 21, 2022:

You could be at it for a looooooong time.

Zealandia replies on Feb 22, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Hahahaha. Yeah, stand corrected yet again, you’re really on a pedantic roll at the moment .

I’m looking for the girl next door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 21, 2022:

You could be at it for a looooooong time.

Zealandia replies on Feb 22, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Haha, good one. I’ll have to be more precise about what I write….

I’m looking for the girl next door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 21, 2022:

You could be at it for a looooooong time.

Zealandia replies on Feb 21, 2022:

That’s a peri pathetic comment. I’m wandering why you even said it.

Someone recently called me passive-agressive. As if it were my own fault!

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 19, 2022:

Of all the nerve!!

Zealandia replies on Feb 20, 2022:

You would say that.

Said the Stone Age dad with a smirk to his child, "Sometimes I marble at the things we take for ...

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 18, 2022:

I shale consider this a diamond in the rough. Dad jokes started early on huh?

Zealandia replies on Feb 18, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada My favourite volcano by the way. Rangitoto Island. It’s less than 8 km away. Dormant, apparently there’s a 0.1% chance of an eruption in any one year. Used to have a Primary school visit every year.

Said the Stone Age dad with a smirk to his child, "Sometimes I marble at the things we take for ...

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 18, 2022:

I shale consider this a diamond in the rough. Dad jokes started early on huh?

Zealandia replies on Feb 18, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Yep, you just have to boulder on, try not to erupt with annoyance at the ex scoriating jokes. You could ask him to pumice not to to tell them within earshot, probably wouldn’t work though.

Said the Stone Age dad with a smirk to his child, "Sometimes I marble at the things we take for ...

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 18, 2022:

I shale consider this a diamond in the rough. Dad jokes started early on huh?

Zealandia replies on Feb 18, 2022:

Yeah, they certainly did. Through the ages kids have been stony faced and embarrassed at poor jokes from their dad, thinking what an igneous he is. Unfortunately you can’t have a clean slate and get a new dad. Just remember to keep your coal when dad tells the jokes.

After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging.

waitingforgodo comments on Feb 18, 2022:

Vexillologically challenged?

Zealandia replies on Feb 18, 2022:

I’m vexed by vexiphobia.

After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 18, 2022:

So no pennants in your future?

Zealandia replies on Feb 18, 2022:

Ran up the white flag on that one.

I won the lottery and spent all my winnings on 17th century paintings and classical instruments.

FrayedBear comments on Feb 17, 2022:

Better than spending it on booze.

Zealandia replies on Feb 17, 2022:

@FrayedBear Mixture of all three probably. Saw the impact on his family and didn’t want the same thing to occur to him.

I won the lottery and spent all my winnings on 17th century paintings and classical instruments.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 17, 2022:

Did Lisa Moan-a?

Zealandia replies on Feb 17, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Not even a dimple.

I won the lottery and spent all my winnings on 17th century paintings and classical instruments.

FrayedBear comments on Feb 17, 2022:

Better than spending it on booze.

Zealandia replies on Feb 17, 2022:

Yeah, Jim Beam or Johnnie Walker definitely aren’t your best mates in that situation. My uncle by marriage was from the Highlands of Scotland. He told me that his ancestors got a windfall by selling land for railway expansion. They squandered it all on whiskey. He signed the pledge, and was a lifelong wowser. Which frankly doesn’t surprise me.

I won the lottery and spent all my winnings on 17th century paintings and classical instruments.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 17, 2022:

Did Lisa Moan-a?

Zealandia replies on Feb 17, 2022:

Nah, she Louvred it.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 15, 2022:

Even if you stamp on it with both feet?

Zealandia replies on Feb 15, 2022:

Yeah, it’s a walk over for the posties. (I once received some post and a shoe print was clearly marked on it)

I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 14, 2022:

So, he saw the forest for the trees to fell.

Zealandia replies on Feb 14, 2022:

He was pretty stumped at the end.

My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name.

Zealandia comments on Feb 14, 2022:

Wondering if the wife called her husband out?

Zealandia replies on Feb 14, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Sounds like someone is calling a divorce lawyer…..

Doctors say carrots are good for our eyes.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 11, 2022:

Obviously scientific proof.

Zealandia replies on Feb 11, 2022:

Yes, you can’t fault that kind of logic.

Saw this advert in a shop window that said: “Television for sale, $1.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 8, 2022:

The all the saving can go to earplugs.

Zealandia replies on Feb 8, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada With the new TV, I’ll finally be able to watch my favourite movie, “Pump up the volume”.

Saw this advert in a shop window that said: “Television for sale, $1.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 8, 2022:

The all the saving can go to earplugs.

Zealandia replies on Feb 8, 2022:

Plus, I never did like the neighbours anyway.

My friend just won the world championship of competitive origami.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 6, 2022:

Did anyone else have designs on his championship?

Zealandia replies on Feb 6, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada That would be tear able. I know, scraping the bottom of the barrel there.😂

My friend just won the world championship of competitive origami.

waitingforgodo comments on Feb 6, 2022:

It was increasingly plane, as the crowd craned therein ecstasy this one-sided papier-mâché unfold, that their were many a sheet twist cup and lisp.

Zealandia replies on Feb 6, 2022:

The outcome might be double, treble, fourfold, fivefold, sixfold, tenfold, twelvefold, even thirtyfold, depending on the skills of the competitors.

My friend just won the world championship of competitive origami.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 6, 2022:

Did anyone else have designs on his championship?

Zealandia replies on Feb 6, 2022:

He’ll see how things unfold at the next competition. The pressure is in creasing though.

My friend and I laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

waitingforgodo comments on Feb 4, 2022:

Are his jokes more laughable than yours?

Zealandia replies on Feb 4, 2022:

Not sure, however whoever laughs last laughs longest.

My friend and I laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 4, 2022:

And....the race is on.......

Zealandia replies on Feb 4, 2022:

To fake it until you make it.

A Roman citizen walks into a bar, raises two fingers and says to the waiter: “Five beers, ...

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 3, 2022:

Go for X & share please.

Zealandia replies on Feb 3, 2022:

Or C and shout everyone in the bar.

I was waitering the other day and a nice old man asked me for a little spoon So I gently lay him ...

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 2, 2022:

Awwww, you're so thoughtful.

Zealandia replies on Feb 2, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada I actually only realised the double entendre after reading your comment….was just following up on the previous joking on an earlier post. I know you’ll say, yeah, right.

I was waitering the other day and a nice old man asked me for a little spoon So I gently lay him ...

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 2, 2022:

Awwww, you're so thoughtful.

Zealandia replies on Feb 2, 2022:

Yeah, I was hoping for a big tip.

I was never a very good waiter.

FrayedBear comments on Jan 31, 2022:

And there I expected you to just keep them hanging around.

Zealandia replies on Feb 2, 2022:

@FrayedBear I was trying to seize the day.

I was never a very good waiter.

FrayedBear comments on Jan 31, 2022:

And there I expected you to just keep them hanging around.

Zealandia replies on Feb 1, 2022:

It was one of those Carpe Diem moments.

I was never a very good waiter.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Jan 31, 2022:

Did you get a dressing down for doing it?

Zealandia replies on Jan 31, 2022:

It was a close kale, I told them to leaf it be.

Two cheese trucks ran into each other. Debris was everywhere.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Jan 30, 2022:

Were the trucks shredded too?

Zealandia replies on Jan 30, 2022:

Yes, the drivers were grateful to be alive.

I arrived early to the restaurant and the manager asked, "Do you mind waiting a bit?

Zealandia comments on Jan 30, 2022:

Hopefully you brought a lot to the table.

Zealandia replies on Jan 30, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Plus the tip.

Why did Novak Djokovic pay for his flight to Australia with a Mastercard?

Zealandia comments on Jan 30, 2022:

I was sent this…..

Zealandia replies on Jan 30, 2022:

Apologies, didn’t manage to attach.

I threw a ball for my dog.

FrayedBear comments on Jan 16, 2022:

I bought 4 oval rubber balls on Saturday for use when looking after OP's dogs. In order to spread the concept of "swings & roundabouts" & be remembered by the woman with the pleasant face I paid her double what she asked as I felt that I had underpaid on the first bundle of goods that I bought. ...

Zealandia replies on Jan 30, 2022:

@FrayedBear Thanks, I appreciate that. Took a wee break, will be contributing more regularly again.

I threw a ball for my dog.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Jan 16, 2022:

And sang You Ain't Nothin' But a Hound Dog, & danced the Fox Trot?

Zealandia replies on Jan 16, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Should have thrown a squeaky bone toy and got it over and done with.

I threw a ball for my dog.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Jan 16, 2022:

And sang You Ain't Nothin' But a Hound Dog, & danced the Fox Trot?

Zealandia replies on Jan 16, 2022:

Along with I Love My Dog by Cat Stevens. ...

Ended up in a party full of World Health Organisation medics.

FrayedBear comments on Jan 12, 2022:

Watt you didn't get to see which Who? Old Pertwee was fun but my favourite was that Scottish actor David Tennant.

Zealandia replies on Jan 12, 2022:

Yes, I remember Pertwee, plus Tom Baker. Tom Baker did voice work during his career as well. He narrated a TV series called Little Britain. Yes, David is my favourite too. Peter Capaldi was also good.

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

FrayedBear comments on Jan 10, 2022:

Keep her a 1000 or more kilometres away or learn to duck. Pepper spray isn't bad for spoiling the aim. A friend used to carry a pot of white pepper and practiced pulling it out of his pocket whilst flipping the top off with his thumb.

Zealandia replies on Jan 10, 2022:

What was the white pepper intended for, just out of curiosity?

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

FrayedBear comments on Jan 10, 2022:

Keep her a 1000 or more kilometres away or learn to duck. Pepper spray isn't bad for spoiling the aim. A friend used to carry a pot of white pepper and practiced pulling it out of his pocket whilst flipping the top off with his thumb.

Zealandia replies on Jan 10, 2022:

Re first comment, a factor of about 18 times should do the trick.

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Jan 10, 2022:

Lots of target practice I take it?

Zealandia replies on Jan 10, 2022:

She claims it’s cheaper than clay pigeon shooting.

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

FrayedBear comments on Jan 3, 2022:

I must be seasoned out or needing my g+t. It took me a while to make sense of that tense situation.

Zealandia replies on Jan 4, 2022:

@FrayedBear Almost certainly for the apparent medicinal properties of gin! I had a great uncle who regularly swigged bottles of a lung tonic, it had a high alcohol content. He eventually died of liver cancer.

At one time a falling Apple led to the Theory of Gravity. Now, it's just a broken iPhone.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Jan 4, 2022:

A very expensive apple.

Zealandia replies on Jan 4, 2022:

The fruit of their labours is for naught.

Doctor: “Sir, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards.” Me: “And?”

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Jan 3, 2022:

?gniht dab a s'taht dnA

Zealandia replies on Jan 3, 2022:

I didn’t know what to do when the doctor asked me to unzip my genes for the examination.

"Are you single?

Zealandia comments on Jan 3, 2022:

“Excuse me, do you know how much a polar bear weighs? No? Me neither but it breaks the ice.”

Zealandia replies on Jan 3, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Yeah, it’s a pretty heavy topic for a chat up line.

2 Termites walk in to a Bar. one termite ask the other, " Is the Bartender here?"

racocn8 comments on Jan 3, 2022:

He's on the outside of the counter.

Zealandia replies on Jan 3, 2022:

Were they going to ask for bar snacks?

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

FrayedBear comments on Jan 3, 2022:

I must be seasoned out or needing my g+t. It took me a while to make sense of that tense situation.

Zealandia replies on Jan 3, 2022:

@FrayedBear Agree, it was called Mothers ruin for a good reason.

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

FrayedBear comments on Jan 3, 2022:

I must be seasoned out or needing my g+t. It took me a while to make sense of that tense situation.

Zealandia replies on Jan 3, 2022:

If you’re interested, there’s a BBC video on the history of gin:& tonic: https://www.bbc.co.uk/ideas/videos/the-hidden-history-of-gin-and-tonic/p06cfmmr

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Jan 3, 2022:

So did they get drunk before ordering drinks?

Zealandia replies on Jan 3, 2022:

They argued about that, but it’s all in the past now.

Joe, a lifetime miner, was working in the depths of the mine, as he usually did.

Zealandia comments on Jan 3, 2022:

Guess you had to dig deep for that one.

Zealandia replies on Jan 3, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Yeah a real gem, or nugget,. Take your pick.

I love it when they drop the ball in Times Square. It's a nice reminder of what I did all year.

FrayedBear comments on Jan 2, 2022:

I'll buy that one!

Zealandia replies on Jan 2, 2022:

@FrayedBear Oz kind of never lifted up the ball when playing cricket against NZ in 1981 🤣

I love it when they drop the ball in Times Square. It's a nice reminder of what I did all year.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Jan 1, 2022:

Did you have a ball dropping the ball, or did you catch it in your mitt, or your face, or was it fly ball?

Zealandia replies on Jan 1, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Good suggestion, however that option is a bit up in the air.

I love it when they drop the ball in Times Square. It's a nice reminder of what I did all year.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Jan 1, 2022:

Did you have a ball dropping the ball, or did you catch it in your mitt, or your face, or was it fly ball?

Zealandia replies on Jan 1, 2022:

Everything was just a bit of a balls up really.

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the New Year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a ...

FrayedBear comments on Dec 31, 2021:

In Sun Tzu's "Art of War" at Chapter 10.7 in talking of terrain tactical advantage may be obtained by retreat (quitting) if it has other purpose: " 7 In a position of this sort, even though the enemy should offer us an attractive bait, # Tu Yu says, "turning their backs on us and pretending to...

Zealandia replies on Dec 31, 2021:

Yes, I’ve read about Sun Tzu's "Art of War" previously and his tactical advice. Found this interesting article about it: https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/63366/9-ways-art-war-conquered-world

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called a lunch.

Zealandia comments on Dec 30, 2021:

I’d warm up with a brunch beforehand.

Zealandia replies on Dec 31, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada I’ll get my just desserts afterwards too.

I accidently poured spot remover on my dog, now I can't find him.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 26, 2021:

Tell him to speak.

Zealandia replies on Dec 31, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Sister is aware of the conversational abilities of huskies. She told me that she knows some people in a nearby suburb called Browns Bay who have four huskies. They bring their dogs along to the local Starbucks on a Saturday morning for a “singing “ session. People specifically ask to see the dogs and visit just to see them in action. She also said it was difficult enough to get her dogs to speak, let alone whisper! Current dog Nate initially misunderstood the speak command to mean jump, however he’s got it all sorted now.

I accidently poured spot remover on my dog, now I can't find him.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 26, 2021:

Tell him to speak.

Zealandia replies on Dec 30, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Certainly very conversational. I’ll share with my sister, she’s coming over today.

I was going to share a vegetable joke but it’s corny.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 30, 2021:

Maybe someone would have pea-ed on it anyway.

Zealandia replies on Dec 30, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Forget the carrot and stick approach.

I accidently poured spot remover on my dog, now I can't find him.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 26, 2021:

Tell him to speak.

Zealandia replies on Dec 30, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada List of husky breeders in NZ: https://www.dogzonline.co.nz/breeds/breeders/siberian-husky.asp There’s not very many.

I accidently poured spot remover on my dog, now I can't find him.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 26, 2021:

Tell him to speak.

Zealandia replies on Dec 30, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Great videos, certainly get a good idea of how vocal the huskies can be.

I was going to share a vegetable joke but it’s corny.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 30, 2021:

Maybe someone would have pea-ed on it anyway.

Zealandia replies on Dec 30, 2021:

Yeah, taken a leek for sure.

I accidently poured spot remover on my dog, now I can't find him.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 26, 2021:

Tell him to speak.

Zealandia replies on Dec 30, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Sounds like they’re great dogs to have around. My sister said that her dogs understood quite a few spoken English words and would actively “listen in” to the family conversations.

I accidently poured spot remover on my dog, now I can't find him.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 26, 2021:

Tell him to speak.

Zealandia replies on Dec 28, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Nice picture of the pups. As you can imagine, there’s probably not much call for a heavy coated dog in temperate climates. I found this out from Wikipedia, thought you might be interested: The Malamute has been identified as a basal breed that predates the emergence of the modern breeds in the 19th century. A study in 2013 showed that the Alaskan Malamute has a similar east Asian origin to, but is not clearly related to, the Greenland Dog and the Canadian Eskimo Dog, but contains a possible admixture of the Siberian Husky. My sister always bought her Rotties from a breeder. As you can imagine, they weren’t cheap to buy, same as your dogs.

I accidently poured spot remover on my dog, now I can't find him.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 26, 2021:

Tell him to speak.

Zealandia replies on Dec 28, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Nice looking dogs. Was wondering what breed the last picture on the right was? It’s not a type I’m familiar with. My sister’s dog Nate chilling out with my nephew on Xmas day. Unfortunately I can’t post the picture the correct way up for some reason. Nate was kind of like a rescue dog that my niece brought home when no one else in a rooming arrangement wanted him. No one is sure of his parentage, although there’s hints of staffy and possibly lab. He’s a very affectionate dog. Sister had Rotties for many years. They’ve got a bad reputation but are lovely animals in the right hands. The bark for the “speak” command was very deep. When Maia, the last Rottie my sis owned passed away, my niece took it really hard. No plans to replace her, they are expensive dogs to own.

My Maths teacher called me average. How mean.

anglophone comments on Dec 28, 2021:

Would that be a normal distribution?

Zealandia replies on Dec 28, 2021:

I was an independent variable that drove him to his Breakdown point.

I’d make jokes about the sea, however they’re too deep.

FrayedBear comments on Dec 27, 2021:

Too deep compared to what? ⅛ groan ? Azov Sea? https://www.worldatlas.com/articles/which-is-the-shallowest-sea-in-the-world.html

Zealandia replies on Dec 28, 2021:

I wasn’t aware of that body of water. As the Azov Sea borders Russia and the Ukraine, probably not somewhere you can visit easily.

I’d make jokes about the sea, however they’re too deep.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 27, 2021:

Unwilling to take the plunge.

Zealandia replies on Dec 27, 2021:

Yeah, I’m reluctant to dive in and make waves. Can’t be any more pacific than that.

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. I found out she was seeing someone on the side.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 27, 2021:

On both sides!

Zealandia replies on Dec 27, 2021:

Yes, she made quite a spectacle of herself.

Customer: "Excuse me waiter, this coffee tastes like mud." Waiter: "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."

Zealandia comments on Dec 27, 2021:

That could cause a latte problems.

Zealandia replies on Dec 27, 2021:

@Triphid Or a flat white as well. We won’t get into a discussion about where that was invented…....😂

I accidently poured spot remover on my dog, now I can't find him.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 26, 2021:

Tell him to speak.

Zealandia replies on Dec 27, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Yes, that sounds very funny. Will have to ask my sister about that whisper command.

I accidently poured spot remover on my dog, now I can't find him.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 26, 2021:

Tell him to speak.

Zealandia replies on Dec 26, 2021:

My sister trained her dogs to bark once at the command “Speak”. I’m not sure if they responded to that if they were away from her in thick vegetation and she couldn’t see them, will ask.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

FrayedBear comments on Dec 25, 2021:

You talking about Mr Starry Starry Night - Vincent? https://youtu.be/oxHnRfhDmrk

Zealandia replies on Dec 26, 2021:

@FrayedBear Really? That’s pretty brutal.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

FrayedBear comments on Dec 25, 2021:

You talking about Mr Starry Starry Night - Vincent? https://youtu.be/oxHnRfhDmrk

Zealandia replies on Dec 26, 2021:

@FrayedBear I didn’t know that there was a Bay of Islands in Victoria. Great photos, beautiful area. Fortunately, there’s no foxes in NZ, so the chooks roam free. I’m aware that foxes are buggers when it comes to chooks. Workmate lost a few to foxes in the UK, she was pretty upset about it.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

FrayedBear comments on Dec 25, 2021:

You talking about Mr Starry Starry Night - Vincent? https://youtu.be/oxHnRfhDmrk

Zealandia replies on Dec 25, 2021:

@FrayedBear For some reason, the website published the picture upside down. There doesn’t appear to be any editing tools to modify the placement. Sounds like you had a good day as well. Prawns are always yummy. We had a ham plus top rib. My sister has about 11 free range chooks on her property too. They’re pretty feral, are happy to hunt for rodents, So we bought home a dozen eggs yesterday.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 25, 2021:

Probably very single too.

Zealandia replies on Dec 25, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Yes, a wing man for support and to lean on would be useful. Although this can be helpful, it can also become a crutch if you’re not too careful.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 25, 2021:

Probably very single too.

Zealandia replies on Dec 25, 2021:

Yes, he often does feel left out at singles events.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

FrayedBear comments on Dec 25, 2021:

You talking about Mr Starry Starry Night - Vincent? https://youtu.be/oxHnRfhDmrk

Zealandia replies on Dec 25, 2021:

I visited the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam many years ago. Gives a comprehensive overview of how his painting style progressed over his lifetime. The collection can be appreciated online: https://www.vangoghmuseum.nl/en/visit/enjoy-the-museum-from-home

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

FrayedBear comments on Dec 25, 2021:

You talking about Mr Starry Starry Night - Vincent? https://youtu.be/oxHnRfhDmrk

Zealandia replies on Dec 25, 2021:

@FrayedBear Yes, had a good day yesterday thanks. Went out to my sister’s place in Albanynd spent all day just talking and eating. Attempted to load a picture of their dog Nate playing fetch, not sure if it’s going to work though. How about you, hope you had an enjoyable day too.

This one will sleigh you: I must say, Santa Claus is a gifted man.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 23, 2021:

He presents himself as rather slippery.

Zealandia replies on Dec 23, 2021:

Yeah, he doesn’t like people to know of his presents.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer.

FrayedBear comments on Dec 22, 2021:

To what?

Zealandia replies on Dec 23, 2021:

@FrayedBear Dodgy tradie terminology.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 22, 2021:

What?.....your mind, or your clothes?

Zealandia replies on Dec 22, 2021:

I was thinking of a vehicle actually. Will fold on the clothes 😂

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer.

FrayedBear comments on Dec 22, 2021:

To what?

Zealandia replies on Dec 22, 2021:

A Decepticon.

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get “saved” or you'll ...

Zealandia comments on Dec 22, 2021:

Suppose you get hot under the collar when that happens.

Zealandia replies on Dec 22, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada If you threaten to hose them down, they might leave you alone.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave biscuits in the oven while I nap.

FrayedBear comments on Dec 21, 2021:

Small batch? What about ten biscuits? You're not using real sugar again?

Zealandia replies on Dec 21, 2021:

@FrayedBear Probably. In the UK, sugar is also made from the beet plant. Only viable due to subsidies. Any move to take the subsidy away and the industry plays the reducing food security by closing down a local industry card. Works every time.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave biscuits in the oven while I nap.

FrayedBear comments on Dec 21, 2021:

Small batch? What about ten biscuits? You're not using real sugar again?

Zealandia replies on Dec 21, 2021:

Yep, the sugar comes all the way from Queensland.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave biscuits in the oven while I nap.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 21, 2021:

Puts meaning to ''burnt to a crisp''!!!

Zealandia replies on Dec 21, 2021:

Plus the saying you snooze, you lose.

My jam business failed. The finances got spread too thin.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 20, 2021:

Well that doesn't sound berry good. Did you get juiced?

Zealandia replies on Dec 21, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Too much of a grind to change to that type of business.

My jam business failed. The finances got spread too thin.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 20, 2021:

Well that doesn't sound berry good. Did you get juiced?

Zealandia replies on Dec 21, 2021:

Yeah, I was toast.

This morning my alarm went off. I thought its sell-by date was tomorrow.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 18, 2021:

So an all for nothing alarming noise!

Zealandia replies on Dec 18, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Ticked off about the whole situation…

This morning my alarm went off. I thought its sell-by date was tomorrow.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 18, 2021:

So an all for nothing alarming noise!

Zealandia replies on Dec 18, 2021:

Yeah, it was a bit of a waste of time. I was pretty wound up about it.

The inventor of predictive text has died. His funfair will be hello on Sundial.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 17, 2021:

I must be tired....I don't get this one.

Zealandia replies on Dec 17, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada I have the same problem with the spell checker only suggesting the US spelling for words too. Organisation is an example.

The inventor of predictive text has died. His funfair will be hello on Sundial.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 17, 2021:

I must be tired....I don't get this one.

Zealandia replies on Dec 17, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Yes, that’s right about the words, plus “held”. Predictive text can be very annoying. Strange mistakes occasionally make it through when you don’t check the wording properly. Especially when you’re tired. My version still doesn’t accept the abbreviation “NZ” and suggests “no” instead. Especially if I can’t be bothered to capitalise it.

The inventor of predictive text has died. His funfair will be hello on Sundial.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 17, 2021:

I must be tired....I don't get this one.

Zealandia replies on Dec 17, 2021:

The older versions of predictive text, especially on mobile phones were quite unreliable. You’d type in a few letters and the predictive function would come up with a word that was unrelated to the topic at hand. So in this case, the person has chosen to use the first words that were suggested in drafting the sentence. For example, my predictive text function initially suggested “senate” when I was trying to type “sentence.”

I'm not a huge fan of innuendos. But I do like to slip one in every now and then.

Wangobango3 comments on Dec 16, 2021:

Isn't an innuendo an Italian suppository?

Zealandia replies on Dec 17, 2021:

It’s not supposta be that….

My wife texted me saying "Your great!".

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 15, 2021:

Their just being police over there Inglish language skillz.

Zealandia replies on Dec 15, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Both mine were from just over the border in Yorkshire.