Met someone.

demifeministgal comments on May 27, 2019:

That is a rare find indeed. I would love to find a guy in my age range that does not turn the first or 2nd date convo towards sex and is just flirty. I mean learn to read your audience dude. If she's not enthusiastic about said chat or changing the topic don't try to force the topic on her.

demifeministgal replies on May 27, 2019:

@Doraz But that's the thing I don't look for just a fun time and am demisexual so it scares me off and puts my guards up .

Who else can relate to this? Or has a doggy with social anxiety (aka fear of being left alone)?

tinkercreek comments on May 27, 2019:

Oh, and especially if your dear 4-foot is part herder, often wanting to 'help' you get where you are going. I try to instill the phrase "Stop following!", but she usually has higher priorities.

demifeministgal replies on May 27, 2019:

that is true! kirby's breed is a herder as well and he tries to herd humans on walks or when going to bed all the time. heh

Hell Introduces 13 New Varieties Of Pineapple Pizza

FrayedBear comments on Mar 27, 2018:

Anyone order a bird's eye chilli pizza with pineapple, capsicum, ham, onion, anchovy, chopped pear and 4 cheeses?

demifeministgal replies on May 27, 2019:

@FrayedBear neither. It is acknowledging your taste buds make me sick. heh

I think I'm a "every couple of hours" kind of guy...😁 "How Long Is To Long Without Sex?

m16566 comments on May 25, 2019:

sex drive to Optimum time for reproduction. women seek out sexual encounters while they're ovulating, Without Really knowing why. sex drive of a 15 year old boy is very different 50 year old man. this is for good reason if a man is going to participate in the raising of the child you ...

demifeministgal replies on May 27, 2019:

Have you heard of those women that have higher sex drives in their senior years or post-menopause than they did in their youth? What's the evolutionary reasoning for that?

Who else can relate to this? Or has a doggy with social anxiety (aka fear of being left alone)?

KKGator comments on May 27, 2019:

Our first year together, Her Royal Cuteness had horrible separation anxiety. I'd come home from work, be putting my key in the door, and thinking, "what fresh hell am I fixin' to walk into?" If it was wood, she chewed it. If it was an article of clothing, she tore it to shreds. She never chewed ...

demifeministgal replies on May 27, 2019:

lucky you! she outgrew it! Kirby is going to be 5 in July and he still has social anxiety... though his breed is extremely extroverted and is known for their anxiety. Originally my sister got a rescue doggy but she had a dog complex and would bark ferociously if kirby tried to get near to her. So he didn't get a new dog pal after all. heh

Why is that?

Babyoda comments on May 25, 2019:

A man declined sex?

demifeministgal replies on May 27, 2019:

@FlippantLlama ughh what is it about hardcore gamers and putting silly video games over sex?! I had an ex deny me for video games too and I will never date a gamer again... cuz fck that noise I am more deserving of attn than a stpd game, if I do say so myself.

Hey guys, do i have a girl for you!

demifeministgal comments on May 23, 2019:

This may be a weird thing to notice, but one of her boobs seems bigger than the other which makes her chest look uneven.

demifeministgal replies on May 27, 2019:

@mooredolezal aww geeze you are savage (cruel) to this poor gal. XD may she never suffer the disfortune of crossing paths with you in public. heh

Is it a sign of a scammer when one of the frequent questions they ask is what your last meal was, or...

Cast1es comments on May 26, 2019:

Funny a guy whose been sending me short messages , just asked what I'd eaten today . I wonder about these poor folks , who own computers and can pay for monthly computer browser hours .

demifeministgal replies on May 27, 2019:

@AnneWimsey perhaps she meant the scammers need to pay for computer hours in their countries.

Hell Introduces 13 New Varieties Of Pineapple Pizza

FrayedBear comments on Mar 27, 2018:

Anyone order a bird's eye chilli pizza with pineapple, capsicum, ham, onion, anchovy, chopped pear and 4 cheeses?

demifeministgal replies on May 24, 2019:

that description was gross and has made me nauseous! -_- boo you :p

When men on online dating sites claim to want to be "just friends".

St-Sinner comments on May 24, 2019:

Religious men want their wives to be slaves. Don't fall for it I was religious once and had hoped to get a very obedient and submissive wife. But it did not work out that way. Now I am living a much better life as an atheist. Did you ask him.... "You have to choose either God and me?" ...

demifeministgal replies on May 24, 2019:

I should start doing that. I get too many religious men messaging or flirting with me... there's like virtually no agnostic/atheist men it seems. :(

When men on online dating sites claim to want to be "just friends".

JackPedigo comments on May 24, 2019:

Perhaps you should simply ignore him the second you suspect he is being a scammer. Did he have a profile? Does he not understand what "here for the community" means?

demifeministgal replies on May 24, 2019:

It is not from this site but from another dating site. :)

When men on online dating sites claim to want to be "just friends".

Stephanie99 comments on May 24, 2019:

He just wants you to buy him a $100 sim card.

demifeministgal replies on May 24, 2019:

ooh man he is way older than me! I should be asking him for money!

When men on online dating sites claim to want to be "just friends".

ProudMerrie comments on May 24, 2019:

The minute they call you dear, you know what they are.

demifeministgal replies on May 24, 2019:

I fckng hate the pet names. I tell em not me call me that. And then like 5 mins later, after having a name, they do it again. Then they have the audacity to act like I am overreacting! I guess I should start calling random men I talk to pet names too. -_-

When men on online dating sites claim to want to be "just friends".

Mike1947 comments on May 24, 2019:

"RUN"!!!

demifeministgal replies on May 24, 2019:

I knew he was full of shit I just wanted to see him dig his own grave.

So, I've been on a few dates with a guy but I'm just not feeling any attraction for him.

St-Sinner comments on May 22, 2019:

You know love can develop? Give him a chance. Zero physical chemistry? Now that is worrying.

demifeministgal replies on May 24, 2019:

@St-Sinner The other men in your ranks fckd it up for y'all. Take it up with them, not me! ;)

I have been a sexual deviant most of my life.

jenandjuice1111 comments on May 22, 2019:

Can you explain the first pic?

demifeministgal replies on May 24, 2019:

@TheOmegaAtheist The "breath play" seems too risky as well. whatever floats your goat though

I have been a sexual deviant most of my life.

jenandjuice1111 comments on May 22, 2019:

Can you explain the first pic?

demifeministgal replies on May 24, 2019:

@TheOmegaAtheist The "breath play" seems too risky as well. whatever floats your goat though

So, I've been on a few dates with a guy but I'm just not feeling any attraction for him.

St-Sinner comments on May 22, 2019:

You know love can develop? Give him a chance. Zero physical chemistry? Now that is worrying.

demifeministgal replies on May 24, 2019:

@Allena I've only dated one less attractive guy and he ended up being a narc with a fake persona chasing women to date and using his persona online to get female friends to fawn over him and what a great guy he was. Sure anyone can fake being flawless. Stupid people actually believing someone never made a mistake in their lives. FOH It makes me less willing to give another unattractive man a chance tbh

Hey guys, do i have a girl for you!

demifeministgal comments on May 23, 2019:

This may be a weird thing to notice, but one of her boobs seems bigger than the other which makes her chest look uneven.

demifeministgal replies on May 24, 2019:

@mooredolezal LOL you couldn't resist... don't blame me! ;)

Future hot hunk:

demifeministgal comments on Apr 1, 2019:

less kids, more grown men in hot hunks group please!

demifeministgal replies on May 23, 2019:

@CarolinaGirl60 yes. lol childfree for life for this gal :D

I have been a sexual deviant most of my life.

jenandjuice1111 comments on May 22, 2019:

Can you explain the first pic?

demifeministgal replies on May 23, 2019:

@TheOmegaAtheist yikes! sounds painful af. :/

So, I've been on a few dates with a guy but I'm just not feeling any attraction for him.

St-Sinner comments on May 22, 2019:

You know love can develop? Give him a chance. Zero physical chemistry? Now that is worrying.

demifeministgal replies on May 23, 2019:

@Allena "Less physically attractive men are just as capable of being assholes as conventionally attractive men" So goddam true. Some of them try to boost their egos or low self esteems by chasing as many women as possible and seeing how many accept them. They envy and want to be like their attractive male peers. ughh

When corpses have more rights than human women :/

LiterateHiker comments on May 21, 2019:

Sad. # **Vote Republicans out of office. **

demifeministgal replies on May 23, 2019:

@Marionville them or me? :o

When corpses have more rights than human women :/

LiterateHiker comments on May 21, 2019:

Sad. # **Vote Republicans out of office. **

demifeministgal replies on May 22, 2019:

@ToolGuy ughh almost as bad as a trumpster... self-centered and only care about ammassing as much wealth for themselves as possible. :/

When corpses have more rights than human women :/

LiterateHiker comments on May 21, 2019:

Sad. # **Vote Republicans out of office. **

demifeministgal replies on May 22, 2019:

@Marionville Same here. I can just spread awareness and try to educate americans online (until they stop listening to me if they discover I am not American, yet know more about their politics, than them heh)

I haven't fallen of the face of the earth.

demifeministgal comments on May 21, 2019:

sorry? handing what out? books? scholars? ;p

demifeministgal replies on May 21, 2019:

@ProudMerrie oohh wow. That is amazing and great work you are doing. Kudos :)

What do you save for sentimental reasons?

1EarthLovingGal comments on May 20, 2019:

Many many things! I have a coin collection, lots of art scraps, all of my concert tickets, recipes and exercises from magazines that I’ll probably never use, books, cook books, dvd’s that my dad gave me that I’ve never watched, and I like to pick flowers and save them, but I plan on making a ...

demifeministgal replies on May 21, 2019:

@Triphid sounds like we did unfortunately. :(

What do you save for sentimental reasons?

1EarthLovingGal comments on May 20, 2019:

Many many things! I have a coin collection, lots of art scraps, all of my concert tickets, recipes and exercises from magazines that I’ll probably never use, books, cook books, dvd’s that my dad gave me that I’ve never watched, and I like to pick flowers and save them, but I plan on making a ...

demifeministgal replies on May 21, 2019:

@Triphid Did we have the same mother?! :o

Husband acts like a Caveman initiating sex. What would you tell her?

NoPlanetB comments on May 20, 2019:

" if I don’t immediately glom onto his penis." This made me laugh. :D I think they need counseling, intimacy counseling.

demifeministgal replies on May 21, 2019:

@LiterateHiker I think there are people out there that hate confrontation and avoid it. Add on to that the fact girls tend to be socialized to be passive and nice and to be gentle with males' egos and we have the perfect storm.

how do you define success?

LiterateHiker comments on May 15, 2019:

To me, success means making a positive difference in the world. When I moved to Wenatchee, WA in 1984, I was appalled that Wenatchee had no homeless shelter for women, the highest school dropout rate, and one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the state. So, as a volunteer, I got to work....

demifeministgal replies on May 20, 2019:

@LiterateHiker well that was really fortunate that your dad was a humanist. :) I guess I both admire and respect others' achievements but also get jealous and my brain goes see?! they did all that! why haven't you accomplished anything as great?! And my question was trying to shut up my inner critic. :$ SORRY about that but thanks for your detailed response. :)

This is question for all the ladies.

Petter comments on May 19, 2019:

My wife hates it. She's out of bed and washing immediately after.

demifeministgal replies on May 20, 2019:

well not everyone is a lover of cum nor do they have to be. Neither does it diminish the love one has for another human if they are not a lover of human cum.

[washingtonpost.

demifeministgal comments on May 17, 2019:

I have suggested to American friends online that perhaps a type of underground railroad needs to be built for women from these red states to safely flee from these christian sharia law states to blue states where they can access reproductive rights and bodily autonomy.

demifeministgal replies on May 20, 2019:

@A2Jennifer cannot take credit for it have seen american friends or groups online posting that phrase.

Update on my dream guy.

demifeministgal comments on May 17, 2019:

Congrats to you. And way to be an awesome stepmom. I don't have good experiences with potential step-parents so I like hearing stories of good step-parent stories. :)

demifeministgal replies on May 18, 2019:

@ArtzyNerd I guess I meant it as potential stepmom... I was actually thinking you may respond that way to my comment like woah it's too soon. Perhaps you do not have the official title yet, but you are acting better than many with the title, was my point.

Oh Dayum! Freeze!

MojoDave comments on May 16, 2019:

If you're a mixed couple, most of the time, she should come first! This is important. If not, trouble may be brewing. 😇

demifeministgal replies on May 17, 2019:

@MojoDave ah. Okay. I have never heard of mixed couples described that way. Thanks for clarifying

Oh Dayum! Freeze!

MojoDave comments on May 16, 2019:

If you're a mixed couple, most of the time, she should come first! This is important. If not, trouble may be brewing. 😇

demifeministgal replies on May 17, 2019:

what do you mean by mixed couple? :s

how do you define success?

LiterateHiker comments on May 15, 2019:

To me, success means making a positive difference in the world. When I moved to Wenatchee, WA in 1984, I was appalled that Wenatchee had no homeless shelter for women, the highest school dropout rate, and one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the state. So, as a volunteer, I got to work....

demifeministgal replies on May 16, 2019:

@LiterateHiker Is there something more though, beyond your personal traits? Also financially stable enough and healthy enough (including mentally) to accomplish all those respectable achievements/contributions to society?

how do you define success?

NoPlanetB comments on May 15, 2019:

I define it as being the best you can be at what makes you happy to do.

demifeministgal replies on May 16, 2019:

@m16566 There was a study that looked into that. It found that people were unhappiest when they did not have enough money for their basic survival needs and again unhappy beyond 100-150k a year. So somewhere in the middle class range is where people seemed happiest. https://www.marketwatch.com/story/this-is-exactly-how-much-money-you-need-to-be-truly-happy-earning-more-wont-help-2018-02-14

The search goes on

Cutiebeauty comments on May 12, 2019:

No baggage here...

demifeministgal replies on May 14, 2019:

@Cutiebeauty Isn't baggage just any issues one has from fckd up situations or relationships in their past? I think family abuse/trauma would definitely be a type of baggage that CAN impact how one conducts their relationships. For ex if one was taught to be confrontational or avoid confrontation at all costs by their parent(s) or guardian(s) then communication in romantic relationships will be very difficult.

Feminism is destroying the west.

Benthoven comments on May 9, 2019:

So do you have facts? Can you point to some evidence? Have studies been done? Have you done any research (using the scientific method)? Comments like this, made without evidence, can and should be dismissed immediately as opinion... and uninformed opinion I suspect.

demifeministgal replies on May 14, 2019:

@Kenofthedude your US-centrism is noted and your fanboy love for peterson as well. He is wrong about many topics, but one has to be well-versed in said topics to be able to spot his bullshit. Lucky for him, his followers are not very knowledgeable and mentally lazy.

If you could only have one last sexual experience, what would it be?

RobertNappi2 comments on May 12, 2019:

Making love to EVERY woman on planet Earth....LOL

demifeministgal replies on May 14, 2019:

Ypu are shit outta luck... the lesbians wouldn't have ya... soo you'd havta rape em :o

Happy child free day to all of us! Im a fur mommy to three cats and its awesome.

Kojaksmom comments on May 12, 2019:

I'm a floral designer, but you ruin your body ,risk your life,destroy your freedom, have all the joy of your life sucked from you and all you get is a bunch of damn flowers or candy or balloons? screw that!

demifeministgal replies on May 14, 2019:

Not to mention ruin your career prospects and have less income over a lifetime due to missed work or having to miss work and get passed over for promotions.

The search goes on

Cutiebeauty comments on May 12, 2019:

No baggage here...

demifeministgal replies on May 14, 2019:

@Cutiebeauty Nah. People your age can have baggage. You just have been lucky enough in life to have no baggage. Heck some people younger than you have baggage from abusive or fckd up parents/family members. You are "blessed".

It goes beyond barbaric

demifeministgal comments on May 14, 2019:

Soo is America great again yet? And, great for who?? :/

demifeministgal replies on May 14, 2019:

@Charlene indeed. that was my point. *taps nose* ;)

It goes beyond barbaric

Cast1es comments on May 14, 2019:

I've been reading , they're trying to make any kind of birth control criminal . And abortions as well . I recommend the most natural form of birth control . Abstinense . Vibrators are very handy , don't give you std's , and don't get you pregnant .

demifeministgal replies on May 14, 2019:

But what of women in long term relationships and marriages? Are they to deny themselves intimacy until America gets it shit together? I am asking as an outsider here.

Feminism is destroying the west.

Benthoven comments on May 9, 2019:

So do you have facts? Can you point to some evidence? Have studies been done? Have you done any research (using the scientific method)? Comments like this, made without evidence, can and should be dismissed immediately as opinion... and uninformed opinion I suspect.

demifeministgal replies on May 9, 2019:

LOL OF course he is a peterson bro. ughh

Feminism is destroying the west.

Aryn comments on May 9, 2019:

Oh, you mean the feminism that keeps men and their destructive tendencies in check... how many women does trump have in his cabinet again? How many women have power in Islamic countries? How many women run corporations that build munitions, or hold positions that allow them to decide who ...

demifeministgal replies on May 9, 2019:

@Kenofthedude Men restricted access to most or all industries to women throughout history. Also men: took credit for womens' achievements and contributions to society. Also men: men have built everything! Why haven't women contributed anything?! GEE I wonder why?! :o Seems like rocket science to solve this one.

Feminism is destroying the west.

thinktwice comments on May 9, 2019:

hmmm... My husband will have a nice comfortable retirement as a working musician and artist because I was able to go into a traditional male career, making the same money as men. I was able to stick to my choice of not wanting to have children. I just did not want to be a mother nor add to ...

demifeministgal replies on May 9, 2019:

@Kenofthedude There is this thing that exists now you may have heard of it is called IMMIGRATION. So that when western nations have a diminishing population they loosen their entry requirements for immigrants. Unless of course your real complaint here is that there are less white babies being born, then your top-down heavy analysis can be thrown out.

Feminism is destroying the west.

ProudMerrie comments on May 9, 2019:

Oh, did Barbie leave you?

demifeministgal replies on May 9, 2019:

@ProudMerrie I guess this is what he meant when he said he is a bad boy, which seems to be just another way of saying he is an ass or jerk.

Last week I wrote about my experiences on a different dating site where after one week had only ...

MojoDave comments on May 6, 2019:

Don't give up. Try different websites, tinker with your profile, switch your pics.

demifeministgal replies on May 9, 2019:

@IrishTxJudy ah sorry. I cannot keep track of what I recommend to who. :$

When is it okay to say "I love you"?

AlbertSchepis comments on May 8, 2019:

I have to say that saying you waited 6 months to a year sounds like you were holding back all that time, rather than being honest about how you felt. So, one could say you were as needy as anyone else, which is just a matter of desperation, not whether you're worthy or anything. It's not ...

demifeministgal replies on May 9, 2019:

@AlbertSchepis not a troll. Do what you want. good riddance to bad rubbish.

Last week I wrote about my experiences on a different dating site where after one week had only ...

MojoDave comments on May 6, 2019:

Don't give up. Try different websites, tinker with your profile, switch your pics.

demifeministgal replies on May 9, 2019:

@IrishTxJudy have you tried b.umble or h.inge?

Hi there, I'm creating a non profit ethical fellowship in Orlando, Florida within the next year ...

Heathenman comments on May 8, 2019:

Okay, another quick suggestion. Buy the full match.com membership. Message all the atheist and non-secular women. Your not going there to date. Go there to recruit. Invite them to your gathering. As you converse with them, find one who will market to the males. It is a cheap and ...

demifeministgal replies on May 8, 2019:

IF he does that he may be reported for spamming members and have his account removed. And just have multiple sock puppet accounts. XD

When is it okay to say "I love you"?

AlbertSchepis comments on May 8, 2019:

I have to say that saying you waited 6 months to a year sounds like you were holding back all that time, rather than being honest about how you felt. So, one could say you were as needy as anyone else, which is just a matter of desperation, not whether you're worthy or anything. It's not ...

demifeministgal replies on May 8, 2019:

LOL geeze so much criticism directed at hiker all because she LOGICALLY does not believe someone can love a stranger after one week. You are quite defensive of this random dude. Methinks you are a needy and love-bomber just like him, hence the defense of him. Learn the difference between infatuation/lust and love dude. Seems you struggle between differentiating between the two. Hint, love tends to stay after the honeymoon phase. ;)

When is it okay to say "I love you"?

SeaGreenEyez comments on May 7, 2019:

I've known quickly and said it when I felt it. On the other side of that coin, I once dated someone for over a year, never felt it, never said it. I'd *never* tell someone it's too soon. I'd like to think we all feel the things we feel, when we feel them and love is subjective as the person ...

demifeministgal replies on May 8, 2019:

@SeaGreenEyez "you can know someone a short while and know as much about that person as you can possibly know about another person." --> In that case, I suppose men were VERY honest with you and spilled the beans about themselves and their flaws and personality defects and skeletons in the closet within a brief time with you. I would guess most people have not been as lucky! ;)

Who here has dealt with depression from a firsthand experience?

CeliaVL comments on May 6, 2019:

Clinical depression is an illness which needs to be diagnosed and treated by a medical practitioner. Have you been diagnosed as clinically depressed? It sounds to me more as if you have a low level depression related to social problems. Have you considered that you might be on the autism spectrum? ...

demifeministgal replies on May 8, 2019:

You would think so wouldn't you? But our shitty con governments made deep cuts to mental healthcare in the 80s and 90s and any appointments are NOT covered by socialized healthcare. At least that is the case in Ontario. And with this new con govt even more cuts and waiting lists to see subsidized mental health specialists and/or psychiatrists. IF you are lucky enough to have benefits through your job, then you get limited sessions covered.

When is it okay to say "I love you"?

mojo5501 comments on May 7, 2019:

I also think that love takes time. And certainly more than one week! It would be nice to hear what particular thing he loves..."I love your smile", "I love your sense of humor", "I love the way you handle disappointment"....particulars. If he says it again....maybe you can see what it is and if he...

demifeministgal replies on May 7, 2019:

Yes it seems strange to me to get attached and bond to strangers so easily and quickly. Like is that a common thing for people??

How Can We Create Inclusive Community?

demifeministgal comments on May 7, 2019:

I would say many of them/us have a right to be bitter, especially if the religious doctrines were used as a form of abuse or control and the religious treated us horribly. Sure sure notallreligious, but certain wounds take longer to heal than others. Not to mention, there are bitter and belittling ...

demifeministgal replies on May 7, 2019:

@LifelongLearner At the same time much of the doctrines from various Abrahamic religions are toxic and actually advise treating women as submissives and treating homosexuals as infidels worthing of stoning or conversion therapy. The three religions have many toxic passages and to give them a blind pass and blame it purely on human deficiencies seems limited. The religions have just as much to account for as the misguided sheep that follow the holy books to the letter aka literally. Otherwise we are cherry picking the best and ignoring the bad.

When is it okay to say "I love you"?

RoyMillar comments on May 7, 2019:

yes there has to be a comfort level and on going affection for quite a while to make sure the chemistry is accurate,,i agree saying it too soon scares the other person and may cause a break off of the relationship,,so best to take it eay and enjoy life,,the right moment will come along in the future

demifeministgal replies on May 7, 2019:

So kind of like an impulse control thing? Not being able to control expressing things at appropriate times?

When is it okay to say "I love you"?

SeaGreenEyez comments on May 7, 2019:

I've known quickly and said it when I felt it. On the other side of that coin, I once dated someone for over a year, never felt it, never said it. I'd *never* tell someone it's too soon. I'd like to think we all feel the things we feel, when we feel them and love is subjective as the person ...

demifeministgal replies on May 7, 2019:

Are you sure it was love and not just lust and infatuation? How can you love someone you barely know? :s

How Can We Create Inclusive Community?

dellik comments on May 7, 2019:

I do not by default believe 'inclusivity' is a laudable goal. considering the point of a group is like minded individuals that rather leaves inclusivity in the cold. Why would you want to include those that feel differently.

demifeministgal replies on May 7, 2019:

Exactly. I, for one, am not going to be tolerant and inclusive of misogynists, white supremacists, homophobes, transphobes, etc. etc. The supposed "loving christians" are not inclusive of all people so why are atheists or agnostics expected to be any better? :s

After nearly 10 years of (off and on) online dating, it's very discouraging.

Allena comments on May 6, 2019:

As a "younger woman" I desperately wish they'd stop hitting on me and stick to women their own age (50 +). I'd like someone my age, but they all chase college students.

demifeministgal replies on May 7, 2019:

@Allena Not to mention, why is he talking to me? What can we possibly have in common or what life could we ever build together if he's older than my father? I think they assume young women are loose and will sleep with any guy that shows them "positive" attention. Dream on!

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

GreenAtheist comments on May 7, 2019:

My grandpa refused to have a tongue cancer removed and it killed him a year later @ age 94....sorry you can't force treatments on adults but keep telling him you love him and how treatment can keep alive his quality of life

demifeministgal replies on May 7, 2019:

My grampa is in his 70s. I suppose he has at least had a full life if nothing else.

After nearly 10 years of (off and on) online dating, it's very discouraging.

Allena comments on May 6, 2019:

As a "younger woman" I desperately wish they'd stop hitting on me and stick to women their own age (50 +). I'd like someone my age, but they all chase college students.

demifeministgal replies on May 7, 2019:

Yes. I always tell my friends that senior men love me and will not leave me the fck alone. And they have no qualms being as forward or pervy as teen boys do. blegh

After nearly 10 years of (off and on) online dating, it's very discouraging.

RonWilliam53 comments on May 6, 2019:

Guys who only date women younger than themselves miss out on a lot.There's a lot of comparative experience and background and usually less of a drive to marry with an older woman. (At some point that changes, but that's another story). And let's be honest, a woman of 60 or more has all the same fun ...

demifeministgal replies on May 7, 2019:

@Allena there's always outliers in relation to trends ;)

Simple question with an obviously complicated answer: what does it REALLY mean to be emotionally ...

Green_eyes comments on May 5, 2019:

Honestly, when I see people write that I assume they’re just looking for physical gratification. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. As long as both parties are on the same page.

demifeministgal replies on May 6, 2019:

@Kojaksmom okay. But it is the responsibility of the other party to be aware of their needs and what they want. It is not the responsibility of the person being honest and upfront about their casual hooking up nature to do the introspection on behalf of their partner. All we have control over is ourselves as you said. And if one is not sure how they will react to or handle casual sex, they should promptly avoid or exit the hookup world. That's my opinion as someone not personally into casual sex.

After nearly 10 years of (off and on) online dating, it's very discouraging.

RonWilliam53 comments on May 6, 2019:

Guys who only date women younger than themselves miss out on a lot.There's a lot of comparative experience and background and usually less of a drive to marry with an older woman. (At some point that changes, but that's another story). And let's be honest, a woman of 60 or more has all the same fun ...

demifeministgal replies on May 6, 2019:

It depends on the demographic. Gen X'ers may be more compelled to marry. But millenials delay or abstain from marriage or forego marriage altogether and stick with common-law. At least statistically speaking in Canada and the USA. Although if you are seeking a mate with whom to get married to, I can see where such issues may present themselves.

Thought, in relationships, men put up all the effort(or at least are expected to) while women only ...

demifeministgal comments on May 5, 2019:

Seems like you've reduced relationships to nothing more than early stage dating there. You are aware that marriages, common-law relationships and other LTRs where this type of thing is not common exist, right?

demifeministgal replies on May 6, 2019:

@Fred_Snerd Also there is no reason biologically men and women cannot be friends. For starters what about gay men and straight women? Or lesbian women and straight men? Surely they can be friends. And I have had many platonic male friends over the years so I doubt it is biological rather than it is culturally based or based on ones socialization.

Thought, in relationships, men put up all the effort(or at least are expected to) while women only ...

demifeministgal comments on May 5, 2019:

Seems like you've reduced relationships to nothing more than early stage dating there. You are aware that marriages, common-law relationships and other LTRs where this type of thing is not common exist, right?

demifeministgal replies on May 6, 2019:

@Fred_Snerd okay but that sounds very specific to you. And I do not think it wise for domestic abuse survivors to generalize their experiences to all men or women, which is what it seems you and the OP are doing.

Simple question with an obviously complicated answer: what does it REALLY mean to be emotionally ...

Green_eyes comments on May 5, 2019:

Honestly, when I see people write that I assume they’re just looking for physical gratification. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. As long as both parties are on the same page.

demifeministgal replies on May 5, 2019:

@Kojaksmom what about infertile people? People that can no longer have kids (seniors), or people that use multiple forms of birth control and luckily never get pregnant? How do you feel about them having casual sex?

Carl Benjamin: the case for free speech.

demifeministgal comments on Apr 26, 2019:

I am not Murican, but am North American, and I'd rather have been born in a nordic nation which are the best nations for women to live in. :)

demifeministgal replies on May 5, 2019:

@Jacar Not according to the census data. But feel free to believe what you want. It won't change the facts.

Why do men lash out at women after a polite rejection?

demifeministgal comments on May 4, 2019:

LOL stupidness?! Is that even a word? Is it not stupidity? :S

demifeministgal replies on May 5, 2019:

@LiterateHiker meh. I am beyond being the bigger person. I will sink to their level and make them feel like the idiotic twats they deserve to feel like. heh

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

AncientNight comments on May 2, 2019:

It's your Grandfather's decision, whether he gets treatment, or not. I don't know how old your Grandfather is, but it's possible that he's tired of being in this life. Is your Grandmother still living? If not, he just might want to go to the same place that she, or your Mother went to. The end of ...

demifeministgal replies on May 4, 2019:

@AncientNight I was able to read it. Thanks for the transcribing of it anyways :)

Queer actresses Ashley Benson and Cara Delevinsgne told "Many strong religious would take you back ...

AnneWimsey comments on May 1, 2019:

"Queer"? Really?

demifeministgal replies on May 4, 2019:

@AnneWimsey well I will take the opinions of young LGTBQA+ community members of ye olde and dying ones. sorry.

I check my spam folder fairly often and keep it cleaned out.

demifeministgal comments on May 3, 2019:

MY bigger question to you is: WHY have I received ads for viagra or erectile dysfunction pills in the past?! :o

demifeministgal replies on May 4, 2019:

@HippieChick58 My emails are quite gendered and obviously female and they still get the ED spam... curiouser and curiouser >.>

Queer actresses Ashley Benson and Cara Delevinsgne told "Many strong religious would take you back ...

AnneWimsey comments on May 1, 2019:

"Queer"? Really?

demifeministgal replies on May 3, 2019:

@AnneWimsey No. They are not analogous. Apples and oranges. I know that many black people don't want non-black people using the n-word. I do not know if the same sentiments are shared by the LGTBQA+ community.

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

ToolGuy comments on May 1, 2019:

He lost his daughter. At any age that is the worst thing that can happen to a parent. I am not sure that there is much you can do but I would spend my time reminiscing with him about his life and getting his story down. Ask the questions you will want after he is gone. When people are dying they ...

demifeministgal replies on May 3, 2019:

@Robecology I said that cause they found it super early like the highest chance of him being cured early. And so it makes it all that more frustrating. I suppose he refuses my grandma and has refused my sister and the docs' requests/demands. So, it seems like others have pressured him. All I get is his stories of how he won't do it and the reasons he gave them for not doing so. Mind you, I think his memory is going so he repeats this to me every time we chat on the phone, UNPROMPTED on my end. I'd rather he quit repeating the damn reasons why already it is frustrating.

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

altschmerz comments on May 1, 2019:

I’m so sorry, for the loss of your mother and the impending loss of your grandfather! I can’t even imagine how hard that is. Your grandfather has a poor understanding of the situation it seems. So did Steve Jobs, and he was a pretty smart man. 🙁 I don’t know that there’s a way to ...

demifeministgal replies on May 3, 2019:

@altschmerz LOL is that your way of implying I have issues and you have now discovered the root source of them ya cheeky guy XD lol

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

Robecology comments on May 2, 2019:

Try to empathize with him. As the pain gets worse, he'll ask to either get pain meds or get a set of pills that will allow him to check out. Be tolerant of either scenario....respect the need to check out. Don't fight it...just be comforting. Once he's gone you'll be prouder you were ...

demifeministgal replies on May 3, 2019:

@Robecology Dad? Well this is my mother's father, not my father's father. And she is dead lol. So I guess no need to take my uncle along. I will talk to my sister about it and proceed from there. Since my grandma is alive, she would be the one that would need to give consent for him to go to hospice care and I am not sure how she would take that. Thanks for giving me some practical stuff to consider! :)

I am sure that posting something against capitalism will not be popular but what the hey.

Paul4747 comments on May 2, 2019:

Capitalism is the worst economic system of all time, except for all the others. Some sort of capitalist economy with a democratic-socialist oversight to look after those left out is the only solution I can see. Nobody does anything for selfless motives. Just as an example; in an anarchist ...

demifeministgal replies on May 3, 2019:

@Paul4747 Yea that's why I think those that wanted more could pursue jobs they actually enjoy or are passionate about because their basic financial needs would be met via UBI. Imagine what a better, more productive work force that would be where people work in areas of passion! :o

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

Robecology comments on May 2, 2019:

Try to empathize with him. As the pain gets worse, he'll ask to either get pain meds or get a set of pills that will allow him to check out. Be tolerant of either scenario....respect the need to check out. Don't fight it...just be comforting. Once he's gone you'll be prouder you were ...

demifeministgal replies on May 3, 2019:

He is not in pain yet. It is very early stage at this point. Unless you meant he is in psychological pain?? :S If anything, he seems more like he's in denial since he doesn't feel bad YET from the cancer. :(

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

AncientNight comments on May 2, 2019:

It's your Grandfather's decision, whether he gets treatment, or not. I don't know how old your Grandfather is, but it's possible that he's tired of being in this life. Is your Grandmother still living? If not, he just might want to go to the same place that she, or your Mother went to. The end of ...

demifeministgal replies on May 3, 2019:

@AncientNight I wish she would just show her love in a more gentle and caring way instead of just nagging and yelling and driving him away. :( Sometimes I wish the women in my life were not so goddamn Hard all the time. :/

Queer actresses Ashley Benson and Cara Delevinsgne told "Many strong religious would take you back ...

AnneWimsey comments on May 1, 2019:

"Queer"? Really?

demifeministgal replies on May 2, 2019:

@AnneWimsey I think the word queer has been reclaimed and now has a neutral or positive connotation it never had before. Keep in mind this is not 50 years ago and things change.

I am sure that posting something against capitalism will not be popular but what the hey.

Paul4747 comments on May 2, 2019:

Capitalism is the worst economic system of all time, except for all the others. Some sort of capitalist economy with a democratic-socialist oversight to look after those left out is the only solution I can see. Nobody does anything for selfless motives. Just as an example; in an anarchist ...

demifeministgal replies on May 2, 2019:

I wonder how a capitalist society where everyone receives UBI would fare.

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

CeliaVL comments on May 1, 2019:

It's hard when people close to you choose to do something that is really outside your belief system. And painful, too, when you feel they are making mistakes. It is his life, though, and quite a lot of older people with cancer opt for palliative care rather than invasive and often unpleasant ...

demifeministgal replies on May 2, 2019:

@CeliaVL Does he have to consent to that though? :S And is it offered for people with stage 1 or earlier cancer? lol

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

Lucy_Fehr comments on May 2, 2019:

I have no advice; just an urge to express sympathy. When I was in your place, I pretty much lied to myself that granny was gonna be ok so was devastated when she died. I hope you find some peace with his decision.

demifeministgal replies on May 2, 2019:

He is going to be the 3rd family member that succumbs to and dies of cancer now. My genes are fckng garbage tbh :(

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

CeliaVL comments on May 1, 2019:

It's hard when people close to you choose to do something that is really outside your belief system. And painful, too, when you feel they are making mistakes. It is his life, though, and quite a lot of older people with cancer opt for palliative care rather than invasive and often unpleasant ...

demifeministgal replies on May 2, 2019:

@CeliaVL ahh the equivalent of going to a hospice here then. :)

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

itsmedammit comments on May 2, 2019:

Sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, there were many who held/hold the belief that treatment speeds up the cancer. There was especially a belief that once a person was operated on, thus exposing the cancer to oxygen, it would spread wildly. I think those beliefs are somehow borne out ...

demifeministgal replies on May 2, 2019:

ooh man. I had not heard the oxygen cancer thing. But it is so bloody frustrating. If it were not for me and my sister getting involved last April he would be dead. My grandma kind of submitted to his authority and he was pretty much infected and on the verge of death when my sister took him to the emergency room. My goddam idiotic uncle told people in europe that Canadian hospitals kill you and us taking him there would lead to his untimely death. So suffice it to say, if his life was in my uncle's hands, he would be dead as we speak. I am so goddam bloody sick of being surrounded by ignorant morons who will all inevitably die of Darwin awards. ughhh

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

AncientNight comments on May 2, 2019:

It's your Grandfather's decision, whether he gets treatment, or not. I don't know how old your Grandfather is, but it's possible that he's tired of being in this life. Is your Grandmother still living? If not, he just might want to go to the same place that she, or your Mother went to. The end of ...

demifeministgal replies on May 2, 2019:

My grandmother is still alive and his neglect of his health is causing them to argue alot. I think that if anything he'd rather die to escape her than to join my mother! hehe

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

altschmerz comments on May 1, 2019:

I’m so sorry, for the loss of your mother and the impending loss of your grandfather! I can’t even imagine how hard that is. Your grandfather has a poor understanding of the situation it seems. So did Steve Jobs, and he was a pretty smart man. 🙁 I don’t know that there’s a way to ...

demifeministgal replies on May 2, 2019:

I wouldn't want any of them to grieve with me aside from my sister and BIL. Suffice it to say they were not comforting and caused ADDED STRESS AND DRAMA after my mother died, than they were a comfort. Fck that and fck em. I'd reach out to my online support groups and to friends tbh. :$

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

Pralina1 comments on May 1, 2019:

If I might give u a suggestion / advice . Don't burden him w scientific approach of anything , it seems like he has made his mind for whatever reasons . Instead , plan 2 spend 2 days w him . Make him talk . Ask him questions . Blend the past w the future on your questions so to not stress him ...

demifeministgal replies on May 2, 2019:

It is like an impenetrable type of delusion. It is a combination of New Age stuff and religious crap and spiritual BS and "energy healing". I mean if him almost dying last year because using all his methods did not convince him or help him realize those methods don't work, I don't know what will. :S He already talks about his hypotheses and ideas alot to me to which I just say yea and uh huh alot until I change the topic or end the conversation. An important point I think people don't realize here is I am way more confrontational online and with friends than I would ever be with my family. My family is unstable and toxic in many ways and I would not feel safe enough lecturing or trying to force anything on any of them unless they were super weak and dying already.

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

ToolGuy comments on May 1, 2019:

He lost his daughter. At any age that is the worst thing that can happen to a parent. I am not sure that there is much you can do but I would spend my time reminiscing with him about his life and getting his story down. Ask the questions you will want after he is gone. When people are dying they ...

demifeministgal replies on May 1, 2019:

LOL I am not pressuring him to get treatment. Where from my post did you get the impression I was doing that? :S

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

CeliaVL comments on May 1, 2019:

It's hard when people close to you choose to do something that is really outside your belief system. And painful, too, when you feel they are making mistakes. It is his life, though, and quite a lot of older people with cancer opt for palliative care rather than invasive and often unpleasant ...

demifeministgal replies on May 1, 2019:

what is palliative care? :s

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

KevinMR comments on May 1, 2019:

So he wants to live longer, but is refusing treatment to meet that end... Ugh. I swear, an anti science mentality is a cancer in itself. If he truly wants to live longer his only chance is with modern medicine. He needs to understand the situation with your mother (I'm really sorry by the way) was ...

demifeministgal replies on May 1, 2019:

thank you. Yes anti-science and New Age thinking and all the woo and pseudoscience out there are a real detriment to people and their loved ones/families.

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

LauraPerrine comments on May 1, 2019:

Have you considered hospice care? I used to be a nurse and they are great. The limitation is that they are often religious. If you could find a nonreligious hospice then they could be a real comfort.

demifeministgal replies on May 1, 2019:

His cancer is too early and his health not that poor for hospice care. My mother was on a wait list when she was dying and never got in. He would not get in at his current state. There are large waiting lists for hospice care in my city. :/

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

Cast1es comments on May 1, 2019:

I have to agree with everyone of the below comments . Like your grandpa , I'm dealing with multiple health issues , many of which are painful , and have been for years . Cancer and it's treatments are additionally painful , Even if they are able to stop the cancer , he may well feel his life after ...

demifeministgal replies on May 1, 2019:

Don't think it is a matter of pain management as much as it is conspiracy theorists getting into his head with their lies and him thinking he can handle or cure himself the "natural' way. You know who also "cured" herself the natural way and with prayers?! My dead mother that's who. That's why it is all bullshit and people spreading their lies pisses me off.

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

callmedubious comments on May 1, 2019:

sorry for your sad dilemma. but your grandpa might be right about chemo/radiation actually causing the cancer to spread. depends a lot on what stage he's in. i had major surgery + radiation therapies for 2 cancers & have been cancer free for almost 7 yrs. but my cancers were stage 2 cancers. they ...

demifeministgal replies on May 1, 2019:

He is (was?) at the best possible stage tbh. They caught the cancer cells super early like barely even stage 1. So they could have killed it right then and there and be done with it. stubborn old ass men ughh

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

A2Jennifer comments on May 1, 2019:

It must be really frustrating that his shortening his life based on a superstitious belief. But you aren’t going to change his mind, and arguing with him would just ruin the time you have left. So, probably best to treat him like you would if he refused treatment for any other reason.

demifeministgal replies on May 1, 2019:

I never argued with him. I tried reasoning with him when he was in the hospital as did my sister and a doctor. And for a brief time it seemed to work. Until he went on the damn internet and read BS propaganda from laymen and conspiracy theorists and decided he's better off "treating" himself naturally. ffs >:o

Parenthood

demifeministgal comments on May 1, 2019:

@Xuande in relation to that other thread you commented on here: I don't think we all need to have kids. I would venture that many of those learned or educated people can adopt the many kids already in the system and help them thrive and become productive members of society instead of fall through ...

demifeministgal replies on May 1, 2019:

@Xuande I'd say it is better to be remembered for something profound and something one has achieved or accomplished (ie einstein, Newton, marie curie, nelson mandela, ghandhi, etc.) than it is to have progeny. After many generations, unless one does an extensive genealogy, you are forgotten. But the likes of Einstein and Newton and the others are yet to be forgotten, kids or no kids. ;)

Okay so I want to vent about my grandpa for a moment here.

genessa comments on May 1, 2019:

there is no effective way to prepare. i knew my mother was dying and her death was a shock anyway. you also can't force someone to live if they are resigned to death, or force them to take treatment if they're convinced it will kill them, or kill them faster. all you can do is love him. well, ...

demifeministgal replies on May 1, 2019:

may be a bit difficult since my grammar in polish sucks and I don't think I've ever written a formal letter in my life. It'd be easier just to tell him tbh. :$

Parenthood

demifeministgal comments on May 1, 2019:

@Xuande in relation to that other thread you commented on here: I don't think we all need to have kids. I would venture that many of those learned or educated people can adopt the many kids already in the system and help them thrive and become productive members of society instead of fall through ...

demifeministgal replies on May 1, 2019:

@Xuande with globalization and more open borders we make up for our population deficits with immigrants. I think the US can do the same if they get over their xenophobia and fear mongering against "others".