Prove it is my way of thinking about god and religion ive seen more stuff i couldnt explain in the sky make me believe in ufos and if there are there ate more than likely aliens (ets) controlling them if ya don't like my lack of punctuation for the most part screw ya if ya don't like my attitude i don't care im blunt and don't hold back but for the most part im a good nice guy just don't piss me off then the asshole kicks in i don't like it and no one else will either if i for some reason do meet a woman here just letting ya all know i do have issues but theyre mine and i yell and freak out over stupid shit so if ya can handle that from time time i only break my own stuff once in a while in these stupid fits i have never hurt anyone but myself but not like suicidal sometimes breaking something or hitting my hand on something when i freak out i get scrapped or bruised i am not crazy just stupid lil things piss me off and i try and try until i break not get pissed about some of these things most times it works sometimes things get broke and or i get hurt cuz of my own stupidity i always take blame for and always appologize for my behavior sometimes while still upset most times after ive calmed down and depending on the situation sometimes short amount of time sometimes long as i said im blunt so i truly believe ya all should know this about me i don't care what anyone thinks if ya think i need help tried many forms none helped all made worse so i turn weed it helps but not completely if i could afford smoke as much as i needed stay calm during my waking hours i would and my problems would be minimal but i can't afford that so i still freak out just part of me no one understands or wants its a pretty lonely life which doesnt help anything the anger or whatever it is that makes me freak out wanting something i can't get ( a relationship) with a person that is ME attractive but Thats a whole other story im not getting into here other than (and not trying to be a jerk and have tried several times with a few) bbw need not try if going into try for a relationship eventually in that relationship sex will be involved i have been unsuccessful in that aspect with them can't get turned on by them but then because i say this im a shallow asshole has anyone ever thought maybe ppl arent wired the same that its more than just personality its personal likes too again i have tried and we all got hurt emotionally cuz her personality was so awesome she got my stupid anger shit her kids loved me like i was their dad we moved slow and waited we fell in love before we attempted anything sexual then it happened i knew the whole time obviously she was a bigger girl but when she showed me herself i don't even know how to say it but it wasnt good she saw and felt it and instantly covered herself and it was done from there i hated myself i thought mqybe i am shallow but does shallowness really cause that to happen to a man eager to bone his gf im 44 years old and have no problems down there and this was 20 years ago no drinking i don't do it often smoke cigs regularly pot daily as much as i can however if i don't have it other than being more cranky i don't seek it and my rent food and gasoline to get me to work comes first then my kid then my personal needs lonley relationship wise and womans touch 6 + years unwilling abstinence in ways cuz if im not attracted i won't do it or and it has been the case in the past too young won't go there either and the only type that have showed any interest have been the latter over the last 6 years doesnt help im not the greatest looking guy in the world part genes and part my laziness and inability to dentists take care of otherwiseand this is not a low self esteem thing i being honest you won't know unless some is actually interested in me gonna go slower than the story above im not putting a pic on here doesnt help me anywhere else otherwise i have no problem who i am other than i hate my pissyness how could one love that about themself lol im not completely happy with where i am in life but i have my family im a fulltime father and take care of my mother along with my job ive got alot on my plate but i just can't find that elusive dessert (my other half) i do believe i am ready for that and maybe if i found that maybe i would calm down even more cuz true happiness and real love can do amazing things i just want that oppertunity to give and recieve both of those to someone just wish to me attractive women would see me look past my mouth and whatever else they seem to see about me they don't like i don't know supposedly my rf ( my vibe) is