Unsolved mystery...

zeuser comments on Jan 20, 2022:

Seriously. The shit may actually hit the fan.

When you know that karma is coming thrice around.

zeuser comments on Jan 20, 2022:

It's one of those things that I wish were true. Of all the supernatural fantasy stories by which to live one's life, this seems like one of the more benign and perhaps even useful ones. But hey, c'mon, it's a supernatural fantasy.

Edit: It works! This is a must read.

zeuser comments on Jan 20, 2022:

Anybody got a number for Judy Carrots? LOL, this is sad if it's legit, but hilarious otherwise.

Jabba and the slut.....

zeuser comments on Jan 20, 2022:

Who is gonna be Boba in this scenario? That's who we need right now.

Donald Trump investigation reveals new details of alleged fraud: [bbc.com]

zeuser comments on Jan 19, 2022:

Letitia's got the hook set, now it's just a question of letting him run a bit and slowly reeling his lard ass in. Get the biggest net you got and the gaffe hooks, babe, this is a big one! LOL

This is so meaningful.

zeuser comments on Jan 19, 2022:

Whenever I read the message inside of a fortune cookie, I always add the words "in bed". Try it, it's hilarious.

That's A Big No! 😆

zeuser comments on Jan 19, 2022:

😂 Yeah, not with you though.

A Huge difference…….

zeuser comments on Jan 19, 2022:

What’s the quote? The best slaves are the ones who think they are free.

I used to be a comedian, unfortunately it was not enough to pay the bills so I took up ...

zeuser comments on Jan 19, 2022:

Who said that? *looks around*

News from the alternate reality.....

zeuser comments on Jan 18, 2022:

It was a tough choice between laugh and sad reaction emojis, but it IS funny. And sad too.

Ewwww!!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂

zeuser comments on Jan 18, 2022:

Honest mistake.

Think about it

zeuser comments on Jan 18, 2022:

Logical conclusion. LOL

Definitely feels like that

zeuser comments on Jan 18, 2022:

Stick to Netflix, it's more entertaining and waaay cheaper.

Have you met a person with no sense of humor?

zeuser comments on Jan 18, 2022:

I run into them on this site. Just yesterday, I made a joking response to a post about fake relics about how Judas told Jesus to sell fake foreskins as a side hustle, insinuating this was the real reason behind the 30 pieces of silver. He asked me for proof, so I told him to check the gospel of "Peter". He again didn't get it, responded in a snotty fashion that I didn't know what I was talking about and gave me a reading list! Mind you I've taken several biblical exogesis courses, but the point was I was joking. I sent him a link to a book about the 5 Elements of Humor and he pretended the link didn't work (it did, I checked it) and was just as snarky as he could be. So I told him hey, that's strike three, and I blocked his ass. Some people.

I'm with him

zeuser comments on Jan 18, 2022:

Geez, my meat would be loafing all day if that was the only other option.

You can never be sure why the job vacancy is actually there

zeuser comments on Jan 18, 2022:

You should do this first. It may never come to the "check with your employers" part.

Many/most pro portrait photographers avoid the straight-ahead "mug" shot.

zeuser comments on Jan 17, 2022:

Well manicured pubes are also a key element.

My biggest problem with the idea of Heaven and Hell

zeuser comments on Jan 17, 2022:

All the christers in the audience are rubbing their hands together saying "Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!"

And if I ever show up in church again I hope I can be similarly attired.

zeuser comments on Jan 17, 2022:

The priest, for some reason, couldn't take his eyes off her.

Ahhh Shadddaapp!! All ya know how to do is lie boy!!

zeuser comments on Jan 17, 2022:

As useful as a back pocket on a t-shirt....

Give up and go home already you silly C.U.N.T.s....

zeuser comments on Jan 17, 2022:

Good friends with the Generalissimo, I understand.

I'd listen to him...

zeuser comments on Jan 17, 2022:

There is a time to step in and help. There is also a time to swallow hard and back away slowly.

10 year challenge.

zeuser comments on Jan 17, 2022:

The painter chopped a bunch off of the original price.

Revelations From a Trove of Trump Tax Records - NY Times [youtube.

zeuser comments on Jan 17, 2022:

Knowing someone is a crook is one thing. Finding out the magnitude and breadth of the criminal activity behind the criminal is quite another. But, as they used to teach you at Trump U., if you don't get caught, who cares?

Always walk through life as if you have something new to learn and you will. - Vernon Howard

zeuser comments on Jan 17, 2022:

My three daily goals are first, accomplish at LEAST one thing, second, have at least one good idea, and third, learn at least one thing.

Be prepared!

zeuser comments on Jan 16, 2022:

I'm all stocked up. If the power stays on, I'm riding this sucker out right here.

Looks like they've made some improvement at the entrance of Big T-urd Arizona rally

zeuser comments on Jan 16, 2022:

Shit seems to be flowing in the wrong direction.

Overheard on television this week: Q: What do you call the condition where a person has trouble ...

zeuser comments on Jan 16, 2022:

When we get to that part of the transaction, whatever you want to do with it is up to you. I've played my part. LOL

Or two even...

zeuser comments on Jan 16, 2022:

Well, they wouldn't let my pack mule into the store.

Federal prosecutors have charged more than 700 people in more than 45 states with participating in ...

zeuser comments on Jan 16, 2022:

Traitorous assholes on parade. A cavalcade of drooling seditionists. A jerkoff jamboree.

Anyone use the nextdoor app or website?

zeuser comments on Jan 15, 2022:

It's pretty benign where I am. Lots of pictures of local wildlife, people looking to pick up odd jobs or housecleaning gigs, things for sale, discussion of local loud noises, helicopters, traffic jams, and the occasional heartwarming story of someone who was in trouble but a neighbor helped them out. Good way to keep up with new restaurants. Very rarely do I see any overtly religious proselytizing, though it does happen. I guess it varies by where you live. I just looked - today the top 3 were 46 new things for sale, a story about 2 dogs that got hit by a car in Garner, and a question about a reported bomb threat in Apex. YMMV I guess.

He looks vaguely familiar

zeuser comments on Jan 15, 2022:

'ello, ducks, remember me? *knots together a couple of pillow cases*

“Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really ...

zeuser comments on Jan 15, 2022:

Yes, it tends to piss a lot of people off. *snicker*

For those scammers that keep coming here....

zeuser comments on Jan 14, 2022:

The "statue" of limitations, as it were. LOL

Biblical smell test.

zeuser comments on Jan 14, 2022:

One woman and one woman is also wrong, by this measure. What would someone even do with 700 wives and 300 concubines? *shudders*

Far too great a laugh over this -

zeuser comments on Jan 14, 2022:

Let's not make fun of what is essentially an inherited condition. Yeah, it runs in your jeans.

"Nothing is often a good thing to do, and always a clever thing to say.

zeuser comments on Jan 14, 2022:

Doing nothing is always an option. Saying nothing is always an option. Sometimes, these are the best options, other times not. The "often" and "always" qualifiers are value judgments that mess up what would have been a true, but banal, assertion.

There goes lunch

zeuser comments on Jan 14, 2022:

Free range chicken, cajun free.

Trickle down obsequiousness

zeuser comments on Jan 14, 2022:

Dickus -a -um.

Did as instructed

zeuser comments on Jan 14, 2022:

Picture of John Denver? That should be ok.

A strange time to make a call.

zeuser comments on Jan 14, 2022:

That's a shitty neighborhood.

You are invited. Turmeric bath for brides and grooms is a must in a Hindu marriage ceremony.

zeuser comments on Jan 14, 2022:

I hear it spices up the relationship. It is just one component of trying to curry favor.

size don't matter?

zeuser comments on Jan 14, 2022:

This is NOT how wishful thinking usually works out.

I really hope this vermin dies [queerty.com]

zeuser comments on Jan 14, 2022:

Embarrassingly, he fat-shamed himself to deflect.

Ark Encounter Adds Baptimal Log Flume Ride!

zeuser comments on Jan 14, 2022:

Good satire.

Yep……how true it is.

zeuser comments on Jan 14, 2022:

Fuck, really?!

I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible. Because I am an eighth theist.

zeuser comments on Jan 14, 2022:

Mmmmm, ok, ok.

Just a few pieces of hard evidence, is that so much to ask for in exchange for believing the Xstian ...

zeuser comments on Jan 13, 2022:

Well, to be fair, selling fake foreskins was a very lucrative side hustle for "the Christ". He made quite a few dinars pushing his "messiah skins" to unsuspecting Samaritans, who were very gullible about shit like this, When we think about Judas and the thirty "pieces" of silver, we have to wonder, what were those "pieces", exactly? Spoiler: It was Judas taking over the franchise. Eventually, though, Judas, much like Jeffrey Epstein, was "found hanged". Ya hum. Sure. Follow the smegma!

The net is slowly closing in on Team Trump: [abc.net.au]

zeuser comments on Jan 13, 2022:

Twenty years is a light sentence, IMHO. Still, let them all go in and learn how to barter for a cake of soap.

King of the Trumpanzees.

zeuser comments on Jan 13, 2022:

Hannity is an apparatachik putz. Joseph Goebbels without the accent and slightly better skin.

WOW!!!! Lol!!! 😂😂😂

zeuser comments on Jan 13, 2022:

I doubt that.

Trump Roasts ‘Gutless’ DeSantis for Keeping His Booster Status a Secret [thedailybeast.com]

zeuser comments on Jan 12, 2022:

Wow, two stiff swingin dicks "swordfighting".

Explains everything.

zeuser comments on Jan 12, 2022:

Switch to the mini-usb. It might help a little.

OMCHEEZUS!!!!!

zeuser comments on Jan 12, 2022:

Looks like the poor kid took a dominus right up his vobiscum.

Eyes glued to smartphones.

zeuser comments on Jan 12, 2022:

I'd come back with my gear for that trout. Before the damn eagle gets him. ;)

This has got to be a joke but it seems real [dissentpins.com]

zeuser comments on Jan 12, 2022:

Gotta love that entrepreneurial spirit.

"There's none so blind as those who will not see" John Heywood (1497 - 1580 ) I was prompted to ...

zeuser comments on Jan 12, 2022:

It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. - often attributed to Mark Twain.

True love right there.

zeuser comments on Jan 12, 2022:

This is backwards. The wrong guy is taking it up the arse.

Now that's funny.

zeuser comments on Jan 11, 2022:

You gotta be careful who you tell to "make it so".

Catholic logic!

zeuser comments on Jan 11, 2022:

OTOH, dogs rarely implicate you, although they do, um, squeal.

He's so upset

zeuser comments on Jan 11, 2022:

The truth hurts, especially if you are a traitorous asswipe bent on destroying the American republic, and then someone simply points it the fuck out. Ouch, am I right? Fuckwad?

It’s now called a “cult”.

zeuser comments on Jan 11, 2022:

Yeah, that's about right. In the pre-loony tune world that you-know-who ushered in, I knew some republicans that I actually liked. I miss 'em.

"Oh.

zeuser comments on Jan 11, 2022:

I think this idea has legs. Here in NC, though, I could see some redhat violence if you tried to enforce it, plus we don't have any kind of legal pot here, medicinal or otherwise. Now if we could go ahead and legalize the bud here first and THEN institute the restrictions....nah, there'd still be some shootin'. Plus this would be a boon for the moonshiners.

What if teacher said what she really thought....

zeuser comments on Jan 11, 2022:

Yeah, I am personally torn between wanting grandchildren and the whole apocalyptic situation we are stumbling through. I'm glad I had kids when I did, at least they are here to help now that they are competent adults. Not sure I'd want my descendant young ones born into this shitstorm.

This would be why I contact businesses via email.

zeuser comments on Jan 11, 2022:

Live chat is the way to go. I generally write what I want to say beforehand and keep the file open in front of me so I can cut and paste into the chat screen. I usually have other info in the file too - product name, customer number, stuff like that. I am sooo disappointed when I prep like that and I get "chat not available at this time". But I save the file and try again the next day.

A Man Notices his Co-Worker Wearing an Earring One Day A man is at work one day when he notices ...

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2022:

You don't sell the lie, you have to BE the lie.

Never stopped, never will. irresistible. 😆

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2022:

You are only young once, but you can be immature forever!

You guessed?

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2022:

Uh oh, door jamb.

Now that explains a lot

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2022:

Small and evidently hyper-sensitive. Yeah, that rings a bell.

Adam's Tinder profile.

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2022:

What, the sheep aren't good enough for you? Already? You'll be sooooooorrrrrrryyyyy.

Lucy in the sky...

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2022:

Don't be selfish, hon. Spread it around. LOL

Allergies!!! Ugh!!!! Lol

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2022:

Those breathe-rite strips help a lot. But no matter how comfy and warm you are otherwise, sometimes you just have to sit up, get out from under the covers and clear the sinuses.

yep that's about right

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2022:

My grandparents got in because they needed people to work in the fucking mines. Everything was just hunky dory til we figured out we could unionize. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Seriously! Lol

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2022:

I set a challenge for myself sometimes to listen in on as many different conversations as I can when I am at the bar by myself. You'd be surprised what people say, although a lot of it is really stupid shit like the meme says.

Finally two good conservatives... Make Love, not Masks

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2022:

Of course you must agree to be sexually objectified to effectively protest like this. My issue is that nobody in their right mind would want to sexually objectify me, so I gotta wear a mask. LOL

Hi dear agnostic friends.

zeuser comments on Jan 9, 2022:

Welcome aboard. Just jump in and hang on. :)

Now that is a loyal friend lol.

zeuser comments on Jan 9, 2022:

I'm in. It can room with my karate monkey.

What a joke!

zeuser comments on Jan 9, 2022:

Did they have adult diapers and adderall back then? Spray tan? LOL

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day,.

zeuser comments on Jan 9, 2022:

Make a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night. But set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. -- Harry Dresden (as written by Jim Butcher)

I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and nods when I nod, my shadow does that much ...

zeuser comments on Jan 9, 2022:

Maybe just one. ;)

What would Aristotle say?

zeuser comments on Jan 9, 2022:

MGGA!

I will be now called this?

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

It depends on how you feel about the inevitable connotations.

Now that is some skeleton logic.

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

Looks like he's about to bone her, if he can get her outta that joint. ;)

If only it was true

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

Excellent. Might need to double flush, just a tip.

Maybe, just maybe, the investigation will strike paydirt before Trump runs out the clock: ...

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

A lot is riding on this.

Too true.

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

Sometimes your mood just sags.

A little help...Please!!!

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

Will do.

You're no fun! Lol

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

Ok ok, how about adderall?

Competitive? Me?

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

Good idea to play a board game with any potential partner to see just exactly how crazy she or he actually is. This right here is "Would you look at the time?" and then "ghost like Hoffa" material.

When I cook! Lol

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

Someone watching me add another chopped jalapeno including seeds: Um, I think that's probably hot enough. Me, considering: Hand me that can of RoTel tomatoes, would you?

Not much of a surprise.

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

CSI tech: We got a print, but it's a little confusing. CSI detective: Why is that? CSI tech: It looks like, wait a minute, yes, it looks like a dick print. CSI detective: Let's go get an arrest warrant.

Washington State is split in two after massive snowstorm.

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2022:

Ouch. Keep yourself safe, Lit.

I am going to start a new university.

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2022:

When you get your master's degree, instead of a diploma they give you a collar.

As a Canadian with a marijuana grow license, I approve this message.

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2022:

Try doing it five minutes after 4:20, or 1:05 if you did the math first. LOL

So much division in the world and so easy to fall into the hate trap.

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2022:

I wish I had that kind of control. No, I have disengaged with most people who have been radicalized. The ones I deal with knowing that they are radicalized, we've each learned to keep politics out of the conversation. I will state my views if pressed, but I will not argue about them, and if I am attacked, I withdraw. You can't be reasonable with people who are completely unreasonable, when verifiable facts are ridiculed and propaganda/mythology is actively (and loudly) promoted.

Dating tip? lol

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2022:

If it works, hell yeah. Hey, the dude is all about gadgets, this is SO on brand. LOL

‘90 Day Fiancé’ star retires from selling farts after heart attack scare [nypost.com]

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2022:

Farts in a bottle for money? Seriously? Free the methane. Because, you know for the rest of us, methane is pretty much free.

Worst game ever

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2022:

Not a game. Nope, not at all.

I lost count at 20…

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2022:

16. Should still be enough to go to hell, right? I paid extra for the aisle seat on the sulfur express.

Say what????

zeuser comments on Jan 6, 2022:

Somebody tries that on me, there will be some punctuation.