It's a protection racket.

HankSherman comments on Sep 11, 2021:

Just when you think its safe to go back in .

zeuser replies on Sep 11, 2021:

I thought I was out, but they sucked me back in!

Sums it up nicely...

zeuser comments on Sep 11, 2021:

Yet nobody in the audience catches on. Of course, these are the same rubes who buy gold they will never see based on a TV commercial from somebody they don't know.

zeuser replies on Sep 11, 2021:

@Lizard_of_Ahaz I'm averaging 8-11% annually with a 60-40 bond fund/equity split, with maybe 5 or 6 percent in REITs. If I can't get at least 3% from a CD, I'm out regardless of the term.

Sums it up nicely...

zeuser comments on Sep 11, 2021:

Yet nobody in the audience catches on. Of course, these are the same rubes who buy gold they will never see based on a TV commercial from somebody they don't know.

zeuser replies on Sep 11, 2021:

@Diogenes, @Lizard_of_Ahaz If you know where to buy high yield CD's, tell me!

Sums it up nicely...

zeuser comments on Sep 11, 2021:

Yet nobody in the audience catches on. Of course, these are the same rubes who buy gold they will never see based on a TV commercial from somebody they don't know.

zeuser replies on Sep 11, 2021:

@Diogenes When it hits bottom, that's when you DO buy. But stay away from the gold scams they advertise on fox news. Otherwise, put your money in a good index fund and let it stay there for a couple of years.

Sums it up nicely...

zeuser comments on Sep 11, 2021:

Yet nobody in the audience catches on. Of course, these are the same rubes who buy gold they will never see based on a TV commercial from somebody they don't know.

zeuser replies on Sep 11, 2021:

@Lizard_of_Ahaz Agreed.

Sums it up nicely...

zeuser comments on Sep 11, 2021:

Yet nobody in the audience catches on. Of course, these are the same rubes who buy gold they will never see based on a TV commercial from somebody they don't know.

zeuser replies on Sep 11, 2021:

@Lizard_of_Ahaz These idiots don't realize how much trouble they are actually in. I feel sorry for all the reasonable folks who are doing the right things and have to deal with the fallout of this pandemic of willful ignorance.

Sums it up nicely...

zeuser comments on Sep 11, 2021:

Yet nobody in the audience catches on. Of course, these are the same rubes who buy gold they will never see based on a TV commercial from somebody they don't know.

zeuser replies on Sep 11, 2021:

@Lizard_of_Ahaz It is a dubious investment strategy even if you are dealing with a reputable broker. But the TV conmen are anything but reputable, selling worthless products and protected by the onerous contracts the fleeced sign without examining the small print. Their key demographic watches Fox, and that's where they advertise.

“Do the gods light this fire in men’s hearts, or does each man’s mad desire become his ...

zeuser comments on Sep 11, 2021:

That's why Moby Dick is such a compelling allegory.

zeuser replies on Sep 11, 2021:

@Marionville Yes, it was a dangerous life. Of course, Ahab had a mad desire which became his god in the form of his obsession with the white whale. The only good parts of whaling were the sea shanties and whaling songs.

Political oxymoron, and who remembers Mr T?

Beowulfsfriend comments on Sep 10, 2021:

I saw a Virgin prostitute in the Philippines. Then someone paid 40 dollars for her, and that was the end of that.

zeuser replies on Sep 10, 2021:

@MsKathleen Fair enough.

Political oxymoron, and who remembers Mr T?

Beowulfsfriend comments on Sep 10, 2021:

I saw a Virgin prostitute in the Philippines. Then someone paid 40 dollars for her, and that was the end of that.

zeuser replies on Sep 10, 2021:

@MsKathleen *Wondering how you know that. * 😜

Pretty hip app.

Julie808 comments on Sep 9, 2021:

Hmm! Wonder if it come with attachments for able legged people too haha! I love dancing, but sadly don't know how to do those dance steps, just hula and free style rock!

zeuser replies on Sep 9, 2021:

Those should take you pretty far.

Punctuation can be sexy.

bobwjr comments on Sep 8, 2021:

Kinky commas

zeuser replies on Sep 8, 2021:

@St-Sinner I really don't feel I have to explain, saint. 8-)

Punctuation can be sexy.

bobwjr comments on Sep 8, 2021:

Kinky commas

zeuser replies on Sep 8, 2021:

It's all fun and games til they get to the period. ;)

I hesitated with this one. But hey, it's an atheist joint here.

Julie808 comments on Sep 7, 2021:

I read it with my very best Dragnet voices (from the original TV show of course!)

zeuser replies on Sep 7, 2021:

Just the facts, ma'am.

You know what it is..

zeuser comments on Sep 6, 2021:

Cheaper than Earl Scheib. LOL

zeuser replies on Sep 6, 2021:

@St-Sinner When I was in Denver in the late 70'/early 80's Earl was all over the place, 39.99..

The pun is the best part

zeuser comments on Sep 5, 2021:

Fuck Ivanka. Here's a shoe joke. I bought these sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what they are laced with, but I've been tripping all day.

zeuser replies on Sep 6, 2021:

@BirdMan1 I meant in the pejorative sense. 😜

Farron Balanced - MyPillow CEO Losing Tons Of Money After Paying Cyber Security 'Experts' Millions ...

dkp93 comments on Sep 5, 2021:

How did that shitty pillow turn into a $300 million empire?

zeuser replies on Sep 5, 2021:

Volume! LOL

Why is it that most atheists seem to define themselves by hating religion or religious people?

zeuser comments on Sep 5, 2021:

For many, their treatment based on senseless, needlessly cruel dogma was the reason for the appeal of atheism in the first place. I'd guess that's what drives a lot of the emotional reactions you see.

zeuser replies on Sep 5, 2021:

@MsAl Some folks just like to pick on other people. Just because you are an atheist doesn't mean you can't be an insecure bully too.

Who would want to date that con-man?

St-Sinner comments on Sep 4, 2021:

Hard to tell who is the top.

zeuser replies on Sep 4, 2021:

Whoever has the ugly ass is on the bottom.

"If we are a civilized society, founded on thoughtful intelligence, killing should almost never be a...

Pralina1 comments on Sep 4, 2021:

I am a savage . Apparently . I have 0 problem or hesitation to kill anyone who could possibly hurt my sister physically . On top of that , now that I am thinking , it’s a very good thing that I do not own a gun or power . I will have 0 next to nothing problem to kill thousands of pedophiles , ...

zeuser replies on Sep 4, 2021:

Yikes! I am impressed! 😲

One more myth exposed.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 3, 2021:

A mazing....

zeuser replies on Sep 3, 2021:

I see what you did there.

One more myth exposed.

St-Sinner comments on Sep 3, 2021:

I wonder where does he sleep? Who should I suspect?

zeuser replies on Sep 3, 2021:

I am guessing a labyrinth.

On my way to where the air is sweet...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 2, 2021:

....................

zeuser replies on Sep 2, 2021:

Give up the cookies!

“You start out playing rock ‘n’ roll so you can have sex and do drugs, but you end up doing ...

zeuser comments on Sep 2, 2021:

If five guys get drunk, they start a fight. But if five guys get stoned, they start a band. (I stole this, I forget from where.)

zeuser replies on Sep 2, 2021:

@Marionville The test of time. 😉

“You start out playing rock ‘n’ roll so you can have sex and do drugs, but you end up doing ...

zeuser comments on Sep 2, 2021:

If five guys get drunk, they start a fight. But if five guys get stoned, they start a band. (I stole this, I forget from where.)

zeuser replies on Sep 2, 2021:

@Marionville Probably some random meme somewhere.

Play it, Jimi!

Moravian comments on Sep 2, 2021:

Purple straw ?. Don't remember that one ;-)

zeuser replies on Sep 2, 2021:

If you don't remember, you were doing it right!

The Enemy is Within: [theguardian.com]

HippieChick58 comments on Sep 1, 2021:

The Guardian has said I can't read anymore unless I pay for it.

zeuser replies on Sep 1, 2021:

I think you can read a certain number of articles a month for free if you register without involving any money. But they do pester you. I've just been checking in with my facebook credentials, and I've never reached the monthly limit so far.

My thoughts exactly! 😂😂😂

zeuser comments on Aug 31, 2021:

Tres gauche.

zeuser replies on Aug 31, 2021:

@MichelleGar1 I LOVE learning new vocabularies!

Antivaxxer mail order....

zeuser comments on Aug 30, 2021:

I had the laugh reaction, but this is too true to be anything but sad.

zeuser replies on Aug 31, 2021:

@Lizard_of_Ahaz That's true a lot of humor, but it's also about unexpected juxtaposition, puns, and wordplay, among other forms.

David Pakman Show - Trump Downplays 9/11 in Humiliating Interview [youtube.com]

zeuser comments on Aug 30, 2021:

I am beyond hoping for justice to be served. At this point, and I am a little ashamed to admit it, I want revenge on this shitstain of a human, this needless waste of skin, this boil on the ass of America. I want to see him suffer. Sorry. Not sorry.

zeuser replies on Aug 31, 2021:

@LucyLoohoo I think we have a LOT of company.

Antivaxxer mail order....

zeuser comments on Aug 30, 2021:

I had the laugh reaction, but this is too true to be anything but sad.

zeuser replies on Aug 31, 2021:

@Lizard_of_Ahaz I did laugh. It is sad.

Now that's just good medical protocol.

dalefvictor comments on Aug 30, 2021:

Vampires, Zombies, and just weird people, Oh my.

zeuser replies on Aug 30, 2021:

And coffee!

Update on yesterday's brush fire. Amazing how fast fire swept uphill.

zeuser comments on Aug 30, 2021:

Get that list printed! I'm relieved you made it through this. Stay safe.

zeuser replies on Aug 30, 2021:

@LiterateHiker Good!

National Religious Broadcasters spokesperson fired after pro-vaccine remarks The spokesperson for...

Theresa_N comments on Aug 30, 2021:

Not all, but nearly all.

zeuser replies on Aug 30, 2021:

For all practical purposed, though, it's the functional equivalent of all.

Now that's just good medical protocol.

glennlab comments on Aug 30, 2021:

guess that is a no no

zeuser replies on Aug 30, 2021:

I would hope so!

Enjoy yourself, It is later then you think.

zeuser comments on Aug 29, 2021:

By this metric, y'all should be thankful that I am, by and large, powerless.

zeuser replies on Aug 29, 2021:

@NostraDumbass Um, I wouldn't go quite that far, but alright.

Unnecessarily unnecessary.

St-Sinner comments on Aug 29, 2021:

Lol.... A welcome home confetti party?

zeuser replies on Aug 29, 2021:

When you TP a teepee.

I wanna hire the marketing guy.

AnonySchmoose comments on Aug 28, 2021:

Whoever goes to work there needs to be ready for anything.

zeuser replies on Aug 29, 2021:

Gives a new meaning to " take a load off your feet ".

Going the wrong way.

bobwjr comments on Aug 28, 2021:

Yup unfortunately, but the gene pool may improve

zeuser replies on Aug 28, 2021:

Addition by subtraction. Works for me. The drawback is that it makes the labor shortage worse, especially in manure sales industry.

Don't waste money on toy shops

zeuser comments on Aug 27, 2021:

Advanced tech so people can make their own butt plugs. Makes perfect sense.

zeuser replies on Aug 27, 2021:

@St-Sinner I'd love to be the manager so I could tell my crew to "stick it up your ass". LOL

Pretty close especially the backfire

zeuser comments on Aug 25, 2021:

Yeah, but does it bother you? Depends.

zeuser replies on Aug 25, 2021:

@bobwjr TMI, Bob! ;)

Just a guess here guy but perhaps she is working in the porn industry?... BBC films?...

zeuser comments on Aug 24, 2021:

Good question, this guy is pretty sharp. LOL

zeuser replies on Aug 24, 2021:

@Lizard_of_Ahaz As Foghorn Leghorn would say, "That boy, I say that boy, is about as sharp as a sack of wet mice. "

When that cute nurse invites you out for cocktails...

zeuser comments on Aug 22, 2021:

Actually, that sounds pretty relaxing. Something to do while watching repeats of the Cosby show.

zeuser replies on Aug 23, 2021:

@Lizard_of_Ahaz I know, right?

An approach that still has adherents, even today.

dalefvictor comments on Aug 22, 2021:

We want more of this, as it has worked so well in the past.

zeuser replies on Aug 22, 2021:

Yeah, just ask the historians...oh wait! Dang!

An approach that still has adherents, even today.

yvilletom comments on Aug 22, 2021:

That was then. Now, an elected president tells department heads he has appointed, “Hire historians. Give them other work to do for a year. Near that year’s end, ask them if they want more year-long jobs.”

zeuser replies on Aug 22, 2021:

That's sneakier, but just as effective.

Pillow guy is committing felonies that are easy to prove now?

zeuser comments on Aug 20, 2021:

You can get away with a whole bunch of being crazy and criminal if you have enough money and cultivate enough dumbshit idiots in high places as your buddies. I submit as evidence this fucking ass-clown. I have a suggestion as to where he can put "his pillow".

zeuser replies on Aug 21, 2021:

@LucyLoohoo It better be. Heh.

My cat loves it when I bring him home a present...

zeuser comments on Aug 20, 2021:

He will thank you by bringing you a badly injured but still living vole. LOL

zeuser replies on Aug 21, 2021:

@Cast1es Oh yes, we sure do.

The Zappa theory of the universe. Sounds about right.

LiterateHiker comments on Aug 20, 2021:

For the next Earth Day/Science march, I plan to make this sign: **Protons, Neurons** **Electrons and** **MORONS.** Flip side: **Science is TRUE** **Whether or Not** **You Believe in It.**

zeuser replies on Aug 20, 2021:

Great idea. Frank would approve. Post jpgs.

It probably won’t be the last time!!

zeuser comments on Aug 20, 2021:

Hard to fathom, especially when you are doing (what you call) your thinking with only about a dozen or so neurons to rub together. Jerkwad.

zeuser replies on Aug 20, 2021:

@BirdMan1 I try. 😉

The Zappa theory of the universe. Sounds about right.

AnonySchmoose comments on Aug 20, 2021:

...absolutely love Frank Zappa

zeuser replies on Aug 20, 2021:

Gone far too soon. The first concert I ever attended was Zappa and the Mothers on the mudshark tour in 1970 at the legendary Watres Armory in Scranton PA. Zappa showed up at Abe's Deli while we were there after the show getting some latkes and pastrami. He was only about 5 foot seven or so, but with a bunch of hair and that deep voice. He ordered a reuben with potato salad. True story.

Trump made stupid famous and stupid people famous, if you can call yelling at school officials that ...

HippieChick58 comments on Aug 19, 2021:

The levels of stupidity seem to be rising, it is truly frightening.

zeuser replies on Aug 19, 2021:

The national fascist party (formerly known as the republican party) has spent decades defunding public education and developing delivery vehicles for mass propaganda, while enjoying all kinds of financial and logistical support from the roooskies and the domestic and foreign oligarchs. Here, we see the horrifying existentially threatening result.

Historian Baffled? [alternet.org]

Sticks48 comments on Aug 16, 2021:

It is the weirdest thing l have witnessed in my 73 years. The Trump cultists and the response to the pandemic are mind blowing and l believe you can lay the majority of it at the feet of the Republican Party starting with Reagan and their "You can't trust the government" mantra for over 30 years, ...

zeuser replies on Aug 16, 2021:

People were doing this in newsgroups on usenet decades ago. Back then, though, the tech was inaccessible to 95% of us, maybe more. You could make a credible argument that user friendliness as an IT goal was at the very least a two edged sword. But, you cannot ignore the innate ugliness of the casual inhumanity as an organizing principle, nor deny its prevalence. It's in there, it damn well is gonna come out.

Always heartbreaking.

Cast1es comments on Aug 16, 2021:

Dying in the desert , a cigar is the last thing I'd be interested in having .

zeuser replies on Aug 16, 2021:

I'm wondering what you, in particular, would be doing in the middle of the desert. 😉

New from Dell....

phxbillcee comments on Aug 15, 2021:

If any of those photos show her, I'll pass!

zeuser replies on Aug 15, 2021:

With speed fisting, if there are no pictures, it didn't happen!

The cornea the joke, the better.

silverotter11 comments on Aug 15, 2021:

A groaner for sure but it did remind me of a one eyed prostitute joke.

zeuser replies on Aug 15, 2021:

"I'll keep an eye out for you"?

Sustainability, prudence, and honest concern about the climate.

jeshuey comments on Aug 14, 2021:

I hope lab grown real meat becomes a reality.

zeuser replies on Aug 14, 2021:

I think the tech there is fairly well advanced. I like the idea too. It shows up in a lot of steampunk urban fantasy stuff, and I like the concept.

The Storm's calculated electromagnetic point of origin!

zeuser comments on Aug 12, 2021:

Look at where the Ley lines converge. We've known this for a while. (I kid.)

zeuser replies on Aug 13, 2021:

@Lorajay, @PondartIncbendog If you want to explain the ridiculous electromagnetic Bermuda Triangle crystal pyramids theory, you need something just as absurd.

It ain't the meat, it's the motion.

Ello comments on Aug 12, 2021:

Maria Muldaur : It Ain't the Meat. It's the Motion.

zeuser replies on Aug 12, 2021:

Hers was the most famous version, and the best one IMHO. But it was a cover of the original recorded by (get this) The Swallows, back in the early 50's.

Trump fans springing to action.

zeuser comments on Aug 12, 2021:

Holy shit, these folks are brownshirts. I know that they grow them this way in Tennessee (sorry to the vols I know and love), but this....this is fucking scary. "We know who you are". I've heard THAT shit before. From criminals. And Nazis. And mobs.

zeuser replies on Aug 12, 2021:

@Diagoras Of course. But this is fucking Tennessee.

The Storm's calculated electromagnetic point of origin!

zeuser comments on Aug 12, 2021:

Look at where the Ley lines converge. We've known this for a while. (I kid.)

zeuser replies on Aug 12, 2021:

@Lorajay The idea is that you can draw lines between historical artifacts, and those linessomehow relate to a supernatural force. Maybe. https://allthatsinteresting.com/ley-lines

I know which one I'd pick.

of-the-mountain comments on Aug 12, 2021:

At least you know monkeys will have their own social ways!!! Unlike the obstructionists republican fascists who just want power, enslavement, and dominion over everyone!!!

zeuser replies on Aug 12, 2021:

Right on, brother!

I know which one I'd pick.

MerlinZap comments on Aug 12, 2021:

You'll find one monkeys the other republican, but it won't matter in the end.

zeuser replies on Aug 12, 2021:

Not when the oceans rise and the crops fail. Won't make a damn bit of difference then.

I know which one I'd pick.

MichelleGar1 comments on Aug 12, 2021:

Hahahahaha!!! First time I took my kid's to the zoo, they saw a monkey giving another monkey a golden shower! Hahahahaha!!!

zeuser replies on Aug 12, 2021:

@MichelleGar1 Gotta love primates, and in captivity they do develop some behavioral quirks. But even so, I've never had pizza that was THAT good. :)

I know which one I'd pick.

MichelleGar1 comments on Aug 12, 2021:

Hahahahaha!!! First time I took my kid's to the zoo, they saw a monkey giving another monkey a golden shower! Hahahahaha!!!

zeuser replies on Aug 12, 2021:

I've been to the zoo with my kids, when they were young, and the monkey was, well, masturbating. Like he was making a play-doh snake. Vigorously.

Trump fans springing to action.

LiterateHiker comments on Aug 12, 2021:

Horrifying. Trump supporters are violent, angry lunatics. They should be arrested and charged with threatening people.

zeuser replies on Aug 12, 2021:

That is violent criminal assault. In TN, guess what's gonna happen to the perps. Yeah, that's right.

I know which one I'd pick.

glennlab comments on Aug 12, 2021:

take the one on the right. how bad can it be lol

zeuser replies on Aug 12, 2021:

Hell yeah! LOL

Another old joke: Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump.

zeuser comments on Aug 10, 2021:

Big end or small end? 😏

zeuser replies on Aug 10, 2021:

@OldMetalHead Yeah, that's right. Another example of a stupid distinction that caused conflict, from Swift's 18th century satire. This gag makes the same point.

Not funny, Polly.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2021:

Faces right: "Help, help the Alcaldia took all my money" Faces left: "Don't you fear El Zorro is here"

zeuser replies on Aug 8, 2021:

That takes me back.

A reasonable precaution. The hawks rely on treachery.

Budgie comments on Aug 7, 2021:

Canuck, he has a whole history was given protected status and then disappeared. The knife he stole from a crime scene. At one point there was a knock out ballot in Vancouver for the title of honourary ambassador and when Canuck and the Mayor of Vancouver were pitted against each other the Mayor ...

zeuser replies on Aug 8, 2021:

@Budgie That is so cool!

A reasonable precaution. The hawks rely on treachery.

Budgie comments on Aug 7, 2021:

Canuck, he has a whole history was given protected status and then disappeared. The knife he stole from a crime scene. At one point there was a knock out ballot in Vancouver for the title of honourary ambassador and when Canuck and the Mayor of Vancouver were pitted against each other the Mayor ...

zeuser replies on Aug 8, 2021:

There's a backstory? I just thought it was a cool meme.

Lookin' at you Dexter and GoT

zeuser comments on Aug 7, 2021:

It was once called "jumping the shark". Those days seem so innocent now. 🤣

zeuser replies on Aug 8, 2021:

@OldMetalHead Fonzi never took a dump in the sauce pan though.

Sorry but I'm not sorry about these fuckheads, call it Darwin, call it karma or poetic justice, I ...

OldGoat43 comments on Aug 7, 2021:

Same guy died on my posting, but your's has pictures. Nice. Do any of these anti-vaxxer morons deserve a Darwin Award?

zeuser replies on Aug 7, 2021:

This guy has already reproduced so no, he doesn't qualify.

Remember those Nazi party membership cards Hitler issued to his followers?...

zeuser comments on Aug 6, 2021:

I like how one of the cards spells the word "offical".

zeuser replies on Aug 6, 2021:

@Beowulfsfriend Hey, a buck is a buck, even when it's a bcuk.

You Can't Make This Up...One More Once (Mind Blowing): [rawstory.com]

OldGoat43 comments on Aug 6, 2021:

This subject story was published in an article two weeks ago. The denier idiots are buying out all the shelf stock at Tractor Supply Stores and Farm and Garden centers around the country. This medication is used to treat certain parasitic roundworm infections. # The side effects of ivermectin in ...

zeuser replies on Aug 6, 2021:

@BirdMan1 That's what I'm thinking, let them go and kill themselves. The drawbacks are the harm it causes their less crazy-legs family members, and all those poor cows with roundworms and no treatment available due to these douchebags.

The headstone of people who aren't sheep. I know, right?

UrsiMajor comments on Aug 5, 2021:

How this isn't the fate of so many anti-vaxxers, I don't know.

zeuser replies on Aug 5, 2021:

@Lizard_of_Ahaz Those are the conclusions that come to mind.

The headstone of people who aren't sheep. I know, right?

UrsiMajor comments on Aug 5, 2021:

How this isn't the fate of so many anti-vaxxers, I don't know.

zeuser replies on Aug 5, 2021:

When they die, the cause of death is never "anti-vaxxer". So you can't really count them.

Rodney Dangerfield never gets old : I went to see my doctor.

St-Sinner comments on Aug 4, 2021:

Lol.... Rodney Dangerfield was fabulous. It is still fun to watch his videos on YouTube. .................... "My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend." "When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother." "My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!"...

zeuser replies on Aug 4, 2021:

I watch those videos a lot. I am old enough that I have been in his nightclub, like first avenue and 61st street. It was a dive, but it was Dangerfields. Not sure if it's still there.

An honest, but frustrating, misunderstanding. Frustratus -a -um.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2021:

My guess is that many people here don't get a joke about conjugating verbs....

zeuser replies on Aug 4, 2021:

I took two years of Latin in my catholic high school. Actually, I appreciate it now even though it seemed remarkably tedious at the time.

Frontier Airlines Suspends Flight Attendants For Duct Taping Unruly Passenger To Their Seat

zeuser comments on Aug 3, 2021:

See, now on a milk run Greyhound, first, nobody is ever crazy enough to try this with the other passengers on your typical trip, but second, the reason is we all will fuck you up. No lie. LOL

zeuser replies on Aug 3, 2021:

@barjoe You gotta read the room. LOL

What will the Repugs come up with next???

zeuser comments on Aug 3, 2021:

Now there are a couple of beauties, a war profiteer and a gangster.

zeuser replies on Aug 3, 2021:

@St-Sinner Yeah, that's about the size of it. Bush came by it, well I don't know about honestly, but understandably, because the Bush' family was doing that kinda shit for a looooong time.

Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit.

AnneWimsey comments on Aug 1, 2021:

Luuuuuvvvv a quick-witted woman!

zeuser replies on Aug 2, 2021:

Me too!

"I'm 65 and I guess that puts me in with the geriatrics.

whiskywoman comments on Aug 1, 2021:

lots of men 65 look 80 and cant get it up if that's not you be thankful and join aarp and get your dollar on every purchase

zeuser replies on Aug 1, 2021:

I try to ask for the senior discount when I remember to do it, but I forget to ask more often than not. And if you don't ask, you don't receive.

It's never really unanimous.

bbyrd009 comments on Jul 31, 2021:

there are seven present?

zeuser replies on Jul 31, 2021:

I don't think the chair gets a vote. But it IS a cartoon after all, no logic necessary. ;)

Practical magic.

SnowyOwl comments on Jul 29, 2021:

Fucking Genius, stolen in a heartbeat.

zeuser replies on Jul 29, 2021:

It's good enough to overlook the spelling error, am I right? LOL

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Austin-Cambridge comments on Jul 29, 2021:

Is that you're phone number, no 555? :-D

zeuser replies on Jul 29, 2021:

Give it a try, AC, see who you get then let us all know. 😉

Hey, do you want to retire permanently?

glennlab comments on Jul 29, 2021:

link or something is missing

zeuser replies on Jul 29, 2021:

I think "retire permanently" is code for "getting covid and dying". Just a guess.

Can you imagine having to serve this "couple"?

zeuser comments on Jul 28, 2021:

I bet she doesn't eat much.

zeuser replies on Jul 29, 2021:

@phxbillcee Doesn't look like she has the "vibrating hand" feature either. :(

Also, got any corn?

Budgie comments on Jul 26, 2021:

Surely that should be grapes? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q You can thank me later.

zeuser replies on Jul 27, 2021:

@Budgie I tell that same joke, but with a bar instead of lemonade stand, corn instead of grapes, and the threat of nailing the duck's feet to the floor. Got any nails? Good one. The classics never get old. ;)

Maybe if he got a triple word score....

bobwjr comments on Jul 26, 2021:

Groaner

zeuser replies on Jul 26, 2021:

Aw, c'mon Bob, you love 'em!

'Imagine,' blared at the Olympics, is a totalitarian's anthem

zeuser comments on Jul 26, 2021:

Hmm. Any relation to "John Barron", I wonder? Bishops are middle management. Nobody listens to them whether they are punching up or down.

zeuser replies on Jul 26, 2021:

@David1955 Like an AVP, let's say. A flunky.

As if not existing after you die is the worst that could happen to you...

zeuser comments on Jul 26, 2021:

I like living. But I do not want anything else after I go. Fuck that.

zeuser replies on Jul 26, 2021:

@Lizard_of_Ahaz Yeah, you're right. But not anything else either. I mean, come on, my warranty has expired at that point. That's cool, happens every day to a bunch of people.

I'd do it for the free mask.

KateOahu comments on Jul 26, 2021:

That would have been a great prank.

zeuser replies on Jul 26, 2021:

I know, right? LOL

Also, got any corn?

Budgie comments on Jul 26, 2021:

Surely that should be grapes? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q You can thank me later.

zeuser replies on Jul 26, 2021:

I get a playback error, but I'm guessing it shows a duck eating grapes?

Also, got any corn?

Beowulfsfriend comments on Jul 25, 2021:

I'll take the talking ducks over the bothersome sheeple any day.

zeuser replies on Jul 25, 2021:

Me too.

Tell him to get stuffed.

KateOahu comments on Jul 25, 2021:

Careful, another might elbow him out of the way.

zeuser replies on Jul 25, 2021:

In for a penne, in for a pound.

SAVE AMERICA PAC DONORS GAVE $75,000,000 It was initially formed -- in the immediate wake of ...

zeuser comments on Jul 23, 2021:

How appalling! Nobody could have predicted this! A shocking, surprising turn of events! That was my Lindsey Graham impression. Whaddaya think of it?

zeuser replies on Jul 23, 2021:

@JeffMurray That's where I draw the line.

Um, it's a soul patch, all right?.

KateOahu comments on Jul 23, 2021:

I guess as long as it stays on your own face, you are okay.

zeuser replies on Jul 23, 2021:

Now that is a very thoughtful response!

We all heard you, you know.

Willow_Wisp comments on Jul 23, 2021:

God shave the Queen!

zeuser replies on Jul 23, 2021:

Yep, that's the gag.

Carlson, You're a Dirty Rotten Tucker.

zeuser comments on Jul 23, 2021:

C'mon, tell us what you really think. 😜 But yeah, seriously, Carlson is the Axis Sally and the Tokyo Rose of his generation, pure propaganda and absolutely no shame or morality. No integrity either, but you already knew that. 😡

zeuser replies on Jul 23, 2021:

@19dacar52 He qualifies as a good preacher in the context of success in misleading his disciples.

Are you a nightmare dinner guest? I scored zero. 😁

Buttercup comments on Jul 22, 2021:

I'm a 0 too, but there are a couple of things I'd never volunteer to eat. Organ meats, like brains, are too gross to eat straight but even they are okay in sausage or pasta dishes.

zeuser replies on Jul 22, 2021:

Here in NC, you can get canned brains in milk gravy. You fry 'em and eat 'em with eggs. A little bland for my taste, but definitely edible. I also like tripe, pig's feet, and sweetbreads. Kidneys can be good if cooked correctly.