Some toilet humor, thanks to Gerald Ford ...[foxtrotalpha.jalopnik.com]

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

I just checked this and it is absolutely true.

No kidding

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

Don't let your paycheck define your self-worth.

Dan Rather rips the donald a new one...[rollingstone.com]

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

I'm old enough to remember when he got knocked to the floor of the Democratic convention in Chicago in 1968, and him standing up to Nixon when Tricky Dick tried to throw shade at him at a press conference. He has the chops, and the receipts, no doubt. Anything that man says is worth your ears and attention, no matter who you are.

Mike Pence’s Coronavirus Plan Could Spread Infection ‘Like Crazy,’ Health Expert Says

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

Pence and his pals, like Pompeo and Barr, hope this is the quickest path to the rapture, don't forget that part.

Funny.

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

Mine are gray, all the way, every day. Top to bottom.

Trump just tweeted that he'd love to see all the churches full on Easter. I couldn't agree more.

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

This could be my me too moment!

You must comply, resistance is futile! :-)

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

The Borg have a queen. I guess this is where Pence comes into it. Heh.

With all this quarantine confinement, I find this the only alternative to handling all the snacks.

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

Cuzzin Rufus! Put yer damn shirt back on!

Portland strip club forced to close, so dancers now do delivery - oregonlive.com

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

Great idea! "One extra large pizza for delivery, please. No, no toppings, no toppings at all." Heh.

Sen.

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

To paraphrase Trump's reaction to Mitt Romney's exposure, "Rand Paul is in isolation? Gee, that's too bad."

I don't have a crystal ball, but it appears the nominating process is over.

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

I've been an advocate of having Biden name what key cabinet appointments he will make now, and then run not as Joe, but Joe with Attorney General Harris, Treasury Secretary Sanders, SEC Chairwoman Warren, HUD Secretary Booker, Secretary of State Sherrod Brown, etc. you get the idea. The picks may vary, but you'd be running an entire administration instead of just poor old Joe (one of my NEPA homies!) Then let the prospective cabinet members go out on the stump and concentrate on talking policies they'd pursue with their specific portfolios. It's an idea. It would certainly take the back at least some of the daily news cycles.

One of my favorites, Maureen Dowd, interviews Dr. Fauci ... [nytimes.com]

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

Great piece. I love Ms. Dowd too, she's been a top notch journalist for decades. And Dr. Fauci is a national treasure.

Trump- I was kneeling by my lonely bed in the WH praying to god for some brains, when god spoke to ...

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

You laugh, but the focus groups loved it.

I believe this!!!!

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

Except for now he has the entire federal executive structure packed with his cronies and sycophants. But when you boil it down, yep, it's still bullshit.

Zoo Worker Steals The Show During Live Stream

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

Well yeah, he starts out with his own fan base. LOL Good moves, buddy, keep it up.

"Society is always taken by surprise at any new example of common sense.

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

I made something of a career (if that's what you want to call it) out of saying the thing everybody knew but didn't want to be the one to say it. Stating the obvious is a very good and very visible use of common sense. I still get away with it, although not in a work environment. Also, it feels good.

Good morning to everyone in the group.

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

As always, I'm just happy when I know somebody is reading the stuff I post. If any of my stuff has made you happier, I'm happier too. 8-)

FULL DISCLOSURE: I know trying to change Trumper minds is a waste of my precious energy.

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

Holy shit! That is nothing short of tribal! I hope you make use of the block function and obliterate this asshole from your feed and your life. Dorianne sounds like a candidate too. I've cut a lot of fb friends out, usually just unfriending but a couple of full bore blocks. Haven't missed any of them. Just let their sad asses go. Good luck to you, hon.

What's that up ahead?

zeuser comments on Mar 24, 2020:

That ain't MY anus Sulu, speak for your own damn self!

US Air Force Reserves finally drops proselytizing video after MRFF demand! [dailykos.com]

zeuser comments on Mar 23, 2020:

Just goes to show once again, the price of liberty is constant vigilance.

There are people that actually believe this.

zeuser comments on Mar 23, 2020:

He is a moron's idea of an intelligent man.

[apnews.com] That's why the media isn't respected anymore, when was the country closed?

zeuser comments on Mar 23, 2020:

If he could put just one tenth of the energy he puts into concocting one scam after another into, ya know, working to solve the actual problem, this would all be put on the best path possible in a week. But no, tax breaks to his billionaire buddies and fuck the working stiffs. Shit, let 'em work til they drop. Lordy, I wish that scumbag would drink a glass of bacteria and cross the rainbow fucking bridge.

Manchin finally grew a pair after being a republican asskisser. [rawstory.com]

zeuser comments on Mar 23, 2020:

Manchin has been making noises about quitting the senate after the 2020 election. He is beyond pissed that the senate isn't passing any bills offered by the house. Also, they want him to run for governor, and that sounds better to him. So the point is he has nothing to lose by standing up to the likes of Moscow Mitch. Better late than never.

Happy birthday Freedompath, aka Ruth, we here in trump Piñata group enjoy your contribution to the ...

zeuser comments on Mar 23, 2020:

Happy day, Ruth! I recommend cake and alcohol, it's never failed me before. If cakes isn't available, pizza works too. 8-)

We are healthy only to the extent that our ideas are humane. - Kurt Vonnegut-

zeuser comments on Mar 23, 2020:

And so it goes...

As Groucho said...

zeuser comments on Mar 23, 2020:

I would love to hear Groucho's take on this narcissistic nitwit.

Times are tough. Let's go easy on beans.

zeuser comments on Mar 23, 2020:

My social isolation would be worse if people also avoided has-beens.

Liar as always

zeuser comments on Mar 23, 2020:

I wouldn't look for anything different at this point. His playbook only has one play, narcissistic fuckwadism.

No Bra During Quarantine! Women on Twitter Express Happiness with Funny Memes and Jokes During ...

zeuser comments on Mar 23, 2020:

Same reason I'm not wearing any pants. Sort of. LOL

Great question

zeuser comments on Mar 23, 2020:

She's got a much better agent than any of us.

A survey was recently conducted to study the effects of alcohol on walking.

zeuser comments on Mar 23, 2020:

Whoa, this explains a LOT!

Not until you're 8....

zeuser comments on Mar 23, 2020:

I've known some 8 year olds that demons would summon...for advice.

Today is atheists day.

zeuser comments on Mar 23, 2020:

Accept us for who we are? I'm not sure that's a realistic goal. I'd settle for "hate us if you want but leave us the fuck alone".

Idiots continue to ignore social-distancing and congregate in public spaces.

zeuser comments on Mar 22, 2020:

Only if they remove themselves from the gene pool successfully.

This pandemic could end up being a slow Reichstag fire.

zeuser comments on Mar 22, 2020:

Imagine how quickly this would pass if the Dems hadn't retaken the House.

and here i sit, age 75, a smoker with a history of a heart attack and with copd, and to be truthful,...

zeuser comments on Mar 22, 2020:

Can't say you're wrong, brother. Take care of yourself as much as you can. Even though basketball is canceled, this is like the NCAA tournament - the winners survive and advance. Good luck, man.

Megachurch Pastor Jeffress Finally Relents and Moves Services Online Ardent Trump supporter, ...

zeuser comments on Mar 22, 2020:

I got a donation for this jerkwad. Right here.

Poor Drumpy!

zeuser comments on Mar 22, 2020:

The media is treating you badly, huh? Just wait til we get our hands on you. It's only a matter of time, bozo.

"We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out" - Winston Churchill

zeuser comments on Mar 22, 2020:

Unless you use a lot of spray tan and constantly lie like a rug.

My beautiful Bonsai tree

zeuser comments on Mar 22, 2020:

Looks like Groot's main squeeze. Or his momma.

Public service announcement: stay 100 percent safe everybody!

zeuser comments on Mar 22, 2020:

I've been doing it correctly all these years just based on pure instinct. LOL

Prehistoric girl had parents belonging to different human species | New Scientist

zeuser comments on Mar 21, 2020:

OK. Now I'm looking to interbreed. For evolution. 😊

tRump must surely go down in history as "tRump the dismissive" now! The fools who voted the king of ...

zeuser comments on Mar 21, 2020:

I'm looking for a hole in that characterization, AC. Can't find one. 😞

Warning, following donald trump's advice can lead to sudden death.

zeuser comments on Mar 21, 2020:

His many voluntary manslaughter charges can the Manchurian cantaloupe rack up? I guess we'll find out.

[politicususa.com] Very different wouldn't New Yorkers say???

zeuser comments on Mar 21, 2020:

Wow. The talking yam doesn't seem to measure up when compared with a mature, competent adult. Not a revelation, really. Just a sad fact.

Trumps new real estate deal

zeuser comments on Mar 21, 2020:

Trumpville! About a hundred years from Hooverville, take a hard right at 2016. Look for red hats and the smell of despair and horseshit. 😞

To all who voted for trump, and to all U lazy motherfuckers who stayed home in 2016.

zeuser comments on Mar 21, 2020:

Yeah, but at least it's not socialism! I kid. Calm down.

While everything is taken place in the world right now, how many of you have starting talking to ...

zeuser comments on Mar 21, 2020:

Short answer: No. Long answer: Fuck no! This is an agnostic/atheist group, dude. Not sure if you understand that or what it means.

[youtube.com]

zeuser comments on Mar 21, 2020:

Yep, there's a fungus among us.

I have a thought I would like to discuss.

zeuser comments on Mar 21, 2020:

If it only affected the religious batshit crowd, this might have some validity as a hypothetical. As it stands, everyone is at risk and many atheists will die as well. The point of the rapture was to leave the wickedness behind for 1,000 years (or some shit like that, I'm not up on the mythology), while the faithful are welcomed into gawd's presence. So since it's infecting everyone regardless of how fucking absurd your beliefs are or aren't, it's doing a piss poor job of it as a rapture. LOL

Might work

zeuser comments on Mar 21, 2020:

Lift your spirit after you drop a deuce.

Spring Breakers in Miami Say Coronavirus Won’t Stop Them from Partying A widely viewed video ...

zeuser comments on Mar 21, 2020:

Decades come and go, but douche bags like this guy are a universal constant. Unfortunately.

Short videos of tRump lying yet again.

zeuser comments on Mar 20, 2020:

They don't care as long as they can use racial slurs again without any social penalty. Like in the good old days, you know?

Listening to today's press conference.

zeuser comments on Mar 20, 2020:

Nobody fucked around with Tony Soprano either.

Exactly When did it? [politics.theonion.com]

zeuser comments on Mar 20, 2020:

Gotta love the onion. Satire the way it should be. "I’m making money, not losing it, but I guess jealous people have decided that becoming rich and powerful from a national tragedy is suddenly evil." Jealousy, yeah that's the ticket, they're *jealous* of me. Hah!

Scroll down a bit to see the ad.

zeuser comments on Mar 20, 2020:

Lordy I hope it makes a difference.

Trump tells states to buy own supplies then outbids them

zeuser comments on Mar 20, 2020:

We aren't the only country with a two handed jerk off at the top, Brazil comes to mind. But I'd put our guy up against anybody in a dick tugging contest for world leaders.

“Don’t be afraid of being scared.

zeuser comments on Mar 20, 2020:

Fear serves a purpose, just like pain. Both, however, can be misused to manipulate people.

There are benefits

zeuser comments on Mar 20, 2020:

Before this all got out of hand, like a week and a half ago, I had a couple witnesses knock on the door. As luck would have it, I wisely employed social distancing on raw instinct alone.

Ahhh, public places.

zeuser comments on Mar 20, 2020:

Come on, it's a great punch line. Sam fell for it. Heh.

Self-quarantine Log Day 2

zeuser comments on Mar 20, 2020:

Maybe.

Feel better instantly

zeuser comments on Mar 20, 2020:

I haven't seen a rumbleseat like that since DeSoto went out of business.

Who's next????

zeuser comments on Mar 20, 2020:

Well that's a disgusting, crude and juvenile image to kick off the day for me. Now I'm not saying it isn't funny or true, it is both. LOL

When Trumpkins allege that we shouldn't accept any government aid, here's the reply...

zeuser comments on Mar 20, 2020:

It's mostly money we (the US of A) borrowed, but yeah, I take your point.

If we get through this virus before trump is out of office, he will declare himself a war hero and ...

zeuser comments on Mar 20, 2020:

Wouldn't put it past him.

I really don't know what to say about his sub human attitude. [msn.com]

zeuser comments on Mar 19, 2020:

He's just making it up as he goes. If Fox news says he needs to send supplies tonight, he'll send them tomorrow and claim he never made the clerk comment.

Wish this was me

zeuser comments on Mar 19, 2020:

I got the "me and the pizza" part covered.

Hmmmm. Are we really surprised? [m.youtube.com]

zeuser comments on Mar 19, 2020:

I'd send these assholes up for treason.

Trump Defended Cuts to Public Health Agencies - The Atlantic

zeuser comments on Mar 19, 2020:

This won't really have an impact on his core of Jim-Jones-zombies (i.e. - the "base"), but it might dissuade some people with more than two brain cells to rub together from voting for him. Jeez, I hope. The Russians, meanwhile, are beside themselves with glee.

The Coronavirus Blues By Mary Schmich I am a famous germaphobe And yet I lead a nation So ...

zeuser comments on Mar 19, 2020:

That's fantastic! Is that yours, Alt?

Great for many things

zeuser comments on Mar 19, 2020:

Just leave enough on the shelves for college grape and grain parties (remember those, boomers?).

Trump says this is coming next but we know he doesn't like socialism.

zeuser comments on Mar 19, 2020:

Well first, I'll believe this when I see it. Second, watch for the strings attached possibly having to do with much larger rebates to large corporations or rich Mar--a-Lago members. Third, watch for exceptions and roadblocks, like drug tests for poor people or people with dark skin or foreign-sounding last names. And remember to ask yourself this question everytime this odious moronic poltroon proposes some policy - what does a con man do that makes him a con man? Then judge the policy accordingly.

If you want to eat well in England, eat three breakfasts! - William Somerset Maugham

zeuser comments on Mar 19, 2020:

Or Indian food. That works too.

Trump Invokes Defense Production Act At a White House press conference, President Trump claimed...

zeuser comments on Mar 19, 2020:

How much of the money is being funneled to his nasty ass cronies? Asking for my buddy Joe.

This should be posted everywhere

zeuser comments on Mar 19, 2020:

Every democrat up and down the ballot should say this at the beginning of every stump speech, in the middle, and at the end. Then say it one more time, ram this shit down their throats.

Another jewel from the republitard party! [rawstory.com]

zeuser comments on Mar 19, 2020:

Again, is this Nunes talking, or is it his cow talking? Who can tell?

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together.

zeuser comments on Mar 19, 2020:

The guy had to get back to the carnival and sell more snake oil.

Pretty long and reiteration of what we already know but it's well written. [medium.com]

zeuser comments on Mar 19, 2020:

This guy has a way with words. "...he doesn’t speak what he believes, he believes what he speaks, and then becomes it — like a self-inflating balloon". Good, though depressing, read.

It is cheap here

zeuser comments on Mar 19, 2020:

I would have gone for the sea bass.

Recipes for cooking the rich lol

zeuser comments on Mar 19, 2020:

I'm in for the gumbo. Even stockbroker meat can't fuck up a good gumbo.

If he could stop lying for one second

zeuser comments on Mar 19, 2020:

Very optimistic to use the word "almost".

Fucking morons! [rawstory.com]

zeuser comments on Mar 18, 2020:

These are people, in my experience at least which is by no means definitive, but people who are generally resistant to ideas other than their own on a very wide range of subjects. They are especially resistant to people who have some educational background in any given discussion. The attitude is "Well, I got good old common horse sense, I don't need no pussy faggot egghead tellin' me what's what, I already know more'n most of 'em anyways." Mostly, this attitude simply keeps them from diversifying their list of friends, but in cases like this, they become a clear and present danger to everyone in society, and most intensely to themselves. Dumbasses.

When you finally realize that your imaginary friend is going to let you down because they are ...

zeuser comments on Mar 18, 2020:

No, no, he works in mysterious ways! He has a plan for you! This is a test of your faith, that's all! WAAAAAHAHAHA

The COVID-19 thing has me thinking about a few funny things lately.

zeuser comments on Mar 18, 2020:

Yeah, you're right.

Be sure to get tested

zeuser comments on Mar 18, 2020:

Effective self-medication, I'd say. LOL

An' the Northern Lites commenced t' glow An' she said (Bop-bop ta-da-da bop.

zeuser comments on Mar 18, 2020:

You know that's what they'd do, too.

The legacy of trump: 3 president to be impeached I’m the history of the United States.

zeuser comments on Mar 18, 2020:

I hope you're wrong too, bro. But I think this ship has already sailed.

Sounds like a good idea

zeuser comments on Mar 18, 2020:

I can use one of my special baggies that I save for the good shit.

Who will have the honor of wearing this batch in a few months?...

zeuser comments on Mar 18, 2020:

Right, well let's see who actually survives first, shall we? Let's not count our assholes before they are wiped.

CDC Wants Trump Supporters to Stop Sharing Hoods - Alternative Facts

zeuser comments on Mar 18, 2020:

Simple common sense, people. And wash your damn hands after a lynching or cross burning.

Fact check: Trump tries to erase the memory of him downplaying the coronavirus [cnn.com]

zeuser comments on Mar 18, 2020:

Who could have predicted he would deny what he has been repeatedly recorded saying? Brilliant strategy in the fuckwit world.

A lady walks into the drug store and asks the druggist for some arsenic.

zeuser comments on Mar 18, 2020:

Pharmaceutical twofer!

Just a reminder...

zeuser comments on Mar 18, 2020:

Let's make this go viral, k?

With his extensive medical knowledge I wouldn't be surprisede

zeuser comments on Mar 18, 2020:

I'd stick with the classic covfefe 45.

Borg cancel invasion because of virus

zeuser comments on Mar 17, 2020:

Oh great. Where am I supposed to get new batteries for my Borg ocular implant? I KNEW I should have taken the cash instead of agreeing to this shit. LOL

She answered the door

zeuser comments on Mar 17, 2020:

Recognizing an opportunity is the first step in cashing in on it.

I live in the southernmost region of Portugal, Algarve, although our residents only number circa ...

zeuser comments on Mar 17, 2020:

Stay well, AC, we'll do the best we can.

Under Pressure from Fox News, Obama to Stop Making Stocks Plummet | The New Yorker

zeuser comments on Mar 17, 2020:

What do you want to bet that some dumb cracker will read the article and think "AHA! I KNEW it was Obummer's fault!"

A sort of realization: Donald Trump is the Dennis Rodman of US Presidents.

zeuser comments on Mar 16, 2020:

Rodman was at least a very good basketball player, and he is sort of amusing in a goofy way. Our guy has no redeeming qualities.

As if we needed another reason to avoid Fox News viewers .

zeuser comments on Mar 16, 2020:

Maybe this is what his cow told him.