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Excuse this posting if the question has been asked before.

Are you attracted to someone similar to you or someone who is different than you?

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By anonymous7
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Totally like me... Just like me.

If I could meet someone eXactly like me, but smarter, funnier, nicer, richer, taller, stronger, cooler, calmer and WAY more likable...

That would be amazing!

Athena Level 7 July 14, 2018

I'd want someone like you too smile009.gif


opposites might attact but christ, you don't want to live with them. I'd end up with an OCD, passive, pious, right wing, neat freak

There are certainly deal breakers.


I don't want my clone, I'm truly enough for one household. I want someone with someone who has strengths where I have weaknesses and who is the yin to my yang. We have to have some similarities, ie liberal and non believers (cuz I've tried it the other way and it didn't work) but we need some differences. Is there a middle ground in your poll?

The consensus is that there is some middle ground. Leaving out the option prompted some more details from the voters. I didn't do it on purpose but it seemed to work out.

Yes!! Core values must be the same. I was thinking more about my being a follower so I prefer a take charge kind of guy


I think you would need more similarities than not.

LouisD61 Level 7 July 14, 2018

Others seem to agree according to the poll


Humans are a community building species, and we want to form communities with people of similar beliefs, mindset, values, etc.

That being said, I don’t want someone that is a carbon copy of me. Rather, I want someone that helps me to be more than I am. I want gestalt—the sum of us is greater than our independent parts. I want someone with a few similar interests and values, but I also want someone that is their own person as well.

fiferguy Level 5 July 15, 2018

Co-dependency sux


Someone with similar values as me and similar attitudes. I CANNOT get along with religious conservative or new age types. Hits too close to home. NOPE NOPE NOOOOOPE. If I cannot stand the guy and his mentality, no way I can get intimate with him! o.O

Plus research shows those with shared values tend to have longer lasting relationships. Exceptions occur of course.

Most religious people are too holier than thou for me.


Both. And I don't necessarily mean I like people who are both (which I do and most are) so much as I am attracted to both types.

Compatibility is very attractive for obvious reasons. It's nice to be on the same wavelength.

If I'm attracted to the differences it's because those people bring me out of my comfort zone. Different wavelengths make harmonies possible.

geist171 Level 6 July 15, 2018

Nice perspective!


I enjoy having a core interest that we can bond over, but in everything else the last thing I want is someone just like me.

DaveMania Level 6 July 15, 2018

I hear that


In the beginning, it doesn't matter. smile001.gif
In the long term, I think having the same outlook on life is definitely advantageous.

Good point about time.


I'm attracted to women and last time i looked they were very different to me ?

One would hope for SOME differences. Some surprises you don't want.


I prefer someone with strengths that compliment my weaknesses.

Smart move!



I have always been attracted to people very different than me. Probably why none of them stuck!?!

If you're independent and all around strong and confident someone different would be good

@minhmeister Not for them! Strong woman tend to repel weak men. Good for me though.

@ReadyforaChange I am very attracted to strong women


Extraterrestrial or GTFO.

GTFO, definitely GTFO


So far in all my romantic attractions, it has always been members of the opposite sex that have been attracted to me or I to them. So I said " opposites attract"

Stevil Level 8 July 14, 2018

Interesting perspective


It's a mix, and I suppose that's true of most.

mordant Level 8 July 14, 2018

Not black and white for sure


Neither. A mixture of both.

Seems to be the consensus

@minhmeister yeah, I saw that


Both really. However, people not like me tend to not be attracted to me and sometimes run in terror.

pixiedust Level 8 July 16, 2018

Ha! Saves you from having to run in terror later


In my view, it's not important if people are attracted to the same or different people. Personally, I'm attracted to all types of women, as long as that have nice personalities, bright smile, sparkling eyes, authentic laugh, and of course, a delightfully, sexy physique , and yes, in that order ?

sellinger Level 7 July 15, 2018

The older I get the more I share your view



You too smile001.gif


Shared recreational experiences are a bonding experience for couples. That's why I want a man who also loves hiking.

With a healthy lifestyle, I exercise regularly and have a healthy diet. I am not attracted to sedentary, fat men.

A lifelong Democrat, I refuse to date a Trump voter. Shared values are crucial.

Alcohol dehydrates me and gives me a headache. Heavy drinkers are a turnoff.

I want a man who complements me. A former boyfriend and hiking partner, Dan, is calm, cheerful and a great problem-solver. An engineer, he has hilarious dry humor.

In contrast, I am high energy, intense and fast-moving. Dan and I were a good fit with different strengths. Alas, Dan moved to Utah.

And a lucky guy he'd be. You have amazing trails

And a lucky guy he'd be. You have amazing trails

Thank you!


I’m not super confident and am definitely not a leader. I prefer a guy who is more take charge (without walking over me).

Marcie1974 Level 8 July 15, 2018

For me the trick is finding someone complementary but not to be co-dependent

@minhmeister yes, exactly


There's not a set formula for me. I go with what I feel and make the most of it.

onthefire Level 7 July 14, 2018

A fair and honest response. I like.


Similar in basic personality traits, yes. Someone who is a pessimist or moody or uninspired by possibilities? Nope.

AmiSue Level 8 July 14, 2018

Ya, you don't want to argue about the basic stuff


I am a high strung extrovert. A chill introvert tends to bring balance to the force.

Minta79 Level 7 July 14, 2018

May the Force be with you


I’m flexible on hobbies but having moral perspectives in common is a must. From experience, a relationship can’t survive without trust and a sense of shared values.

I agree that it's easier when you share core values

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