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A woman who does not want to pay for her own meal and pay her own way, is similar to a prostitute.

I have nothing against prostitutes; in fact, I think they provide a good service; I just don't want one for myself.

I want an independent woman who is willing to give as much as she gets.

permanwilson 7 Feb 8

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I don't care how much money you have, I would never date someone so judgemental. It's going to be difficult finding an independant giving woman if you yourself are a cheap misogynist, good luck with that!


When meeting for the first time (or times), I think it should not be assumed that the man should pay. I think the woman should at least offer to pay her share. Now of course, if the date goes well and the man would like to see her again, I think he might counter-offer to pay for all.
At my age, most women assume that the man pays. Often they don't even say "thank you". (If they don't, that first date is the last date.)
I think "assuming" is a terribly way to find out things... don't you?

I never assume that my date will pay for the dinner, movie, etc. I go assuming that we will each pay our own. Most often my dates have insisted that they pay. I will often take care of the tip.


Well ... you just kind of kicked yourself in the butt with this one ... lotsa luck to ya.


If I ask a lady out for lunch or whatever, I pay. I have no problem if we are friends for a time and she pays sometimes. Of course, if she invites me out for lunch in Hawaii tomorrow, it's all on her.


I assume you are speaking of the woman while on a date? I prefer to pay for my own meal when on a date, or somehow sharing or splitting the costs. Of course, that depends upon a few circumstances. If someone asks me out "wants to take me out to dinner", then I can assume he wants to buy my dinner. I still offer to pay for my half, or at least the tip. Some men would rather pay for the meal themselves. A few times I have taken a 'date' to a function, and paid for our entries to the function, and he, in turn, paid for a meal later. It all works out in the end, and I prefer to not "nickel and dime" an outing. So long as we both feel that it is fairly equitable, then we are both happy!


You are no gentleman with that judgmental and misogynistic attitude.

No woman wants to date a cheapskate.

I second that.


Well you really kicked the beehive with that comment. hahaha to be a proper gentleman, on a first date at a minimum pay for dinner. WITH NO expectations.. if there is another one, pay for it also. its just money and you will find out if it is worth more effort. if you start a relationship, though ladies it is good manners to at least offer to pay half, or the tip. the bonus plan is just that a bonus, never expected.


Ooooh you know usually I’ve got your back but this one though is gonna take some finesse. So here I go.

It’s all about expectations. If you take a woman out and you’re expecting anything in return then you just bought her a meal nothing less nothing more.

It would be the same if me and you were to go out and I was to pick up the check and then look at you and go “ What’s up with that blow job? “ which pretty positive that I’d be instructed to learn to do it myself.? this is the same as someone taking their family out for dinner you wouldn’t expect them to provide sexual favors in return would you?

So you can’t expect that of a woman and therefore you can’t really define them as being a prostitute.

But if you take a woman out for a meal and she says because you just paid for my meal I’ll give you sex in return then you can call her/him a prostitute.
I’ll also say that if she pays her own way then there shouldn’t be any expectations on your part either.


Oh, and I forgot to mention in my last reply....

I'm worth a hell of a lot more than a dinner every now and then.


Wow, it's pretty obvious you expect all women to put out if you go out with them. It's also obvious that any woman that goes out with you will have very low self-esteem if she is your kind of gal.


If in our society women had their time compensated as well as mens, then ok.
Unless you get right in the head at this rate you gonna be wiping your own butt on your deathbed boo.

My Mom married someone with your attitude. He's a bum.


I always pay for everything on a date, but steal money from her purse when she is not looking. 🙂


All relationships have a lot of give and take. If you're watching the pennies to make sure the other person is carrying his or her weight, then I'd suggest you think hard if this is the right relationship for you or maybe if you even want to be in a relationship at all.


If I am newly dating a woman I pay for all and expect nothing in return. By being this way, I often find out that my date appreciates being with me and then she looks for ways to help our relationship grow. When I have been in a longer term relationship, my significant other and I have always worked out some sort of equitable sharing which takes in to account both of our financial situations.


What you want is a nurse with a purse.

Good luck with that


We don't all bring the same things to the table in a relationship, just like we don't all want the same things from that relationship. Sometimes one partner does more giving in a moment than the other one does, with the trust that it will balance out in some other way down the road. I wouldn't want anything to do with a man who kept score down to the tab of each date.

Deb57 Level 8 Feb 8, 2019



I believe it's no one's business but the couple who is having a relationship. If you want the woman to pay for her meals (or both your meals) then it should be discussed. There is nothing more frustrating than assumptions of both parties part.

But to simply state that EVERY woman is a prostitute because her man pays her way is a narrow minded way of seeing things. I truly hate complete strangers telling me what I should think and believe.


I would say that if a woman expected or did not make any gesture to offer to pay it is unfair, but in my experience, many men are still a bit old fashioned and still like to pay for a first date. I would call them gentlemen.

Continued dating would require perhaps alternating who pays or some other gesture to equalize the expenditures...but to liken it to prostitution assumes that sex is the intended outcome of the date.

I enjoy reading your posts and comments. Thank you.

@jlynn37 You are one the gentlemen of whom I speak...I have found that chivalry and civility are not completed dead...thank you as well! 🙂

This is how I would sum it up. Once in a relationship most couples share, just saying or otherwise. I would say, as well, the one with the most extra income can better give.

@Beowulfsfriend I don't think I have ever been likened to a prostitute for having a date pay...I guess there are some women who would take advantage of it and also there truly are gold diggers of both sexes...I really thought we were through with this type of thinking...sigh...

@thinktwice Are there gold diggers yes. Are all women gold diggers no. Just because you buy a woman dinner or anything else it dose not mean they owe you sexual favours or favours of any kind.

@PatrickKerr exactly...

As I rarely meet new women to date and am financially secure, I would gladly buy the first meal for a woman I go out with and I would never expect sex in return on any date. Having said that, I am not willing to be anyone's sugar daddy or continue dating someone who seemed interested in taking advantage of me financially. The woman would have to have her own money to the degree that she could pay her own way on vacations and most dates, otherwise there is a power imbalance and I don't want to be in that kind of relationship long term, no matter which end I was on.

As you say, tt, either after the first dinner date or soon after, I would suggest alternating paying or finding a way to equalize the spending so we could both feel we were each being treated equitably. If the woman reacted very negatively to that discussion, that would be a red flag and I would have my answer about what to expect from her later on. I would not be interested in keeping score all the way on who spends how much, that would be toxic, but I would want a relationship of equals, which my late wife and I had for over 20 years. She made more money than me, but I always paid my way on everything. She liked knowing she was never being taken advantage of and I liked the feeling of pride that I never sponged off her. We talked about that arrangement to our friends and they all said they admired it. We also kept our own separate checking accounts during the marriage and a joint checking account for vacation trips.

@TomMcGiverin Sounds like you know exactly how it should be done...good relationships do not take advantage financially ...with women making money for themselves, it seems fair to talk about how you want to do the expenses...I hope you find another relationship that matches the success of your last one...

Well said. I walk in with no expectations. Sometimes I even say "no strings attached" if I feel that the woman might be struggling with the situation. It's all about being at ease, being free to be, and being respectful of people.

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