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So my birthday is coming up and my bf doesn't want to make plans. He said he wants us to relax and be spontaneous. Spontaneous is not in my blood. I'm a planner. I'm a stresser. I like thoughtfulness. Maybe a drive to a nice park with a picnic, visit a sunflower field, get a tattoo, etc. I do not want gifts of materialistic things. I want effort and thoughtfulness. We dated for a year and ended things due to where we were in our lives. I had left religion and was suffering from that. My life was dark and i was not in a good place. We remained best of friends and a year later he asked me to give it another shot. It has been comfortable and secure this time around. He lost his mother to cancer 2 months ago. I just hope he does have something planned and he doesn't want me to stress over it. Is it wrong to say I'll be disappointed if he has nothing special for us to do? Because, deep down i will be.

anonymous 7 Sep 10

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I think you need to have an open and honest conversation with him. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for disappointment and resentment if you hope he will be a mind reader.... with my exes I never left things up to chance or spontaneity and they knew I was a planner... if they wouldn't plan my bday then I sure as hell would and they'd come along for the ride πŸ˜‰


Maybe he's planning something secretly. That would be a nice surprise.


Make plans and do what you want ! It's your day !


I'm hip! While I don't mind the odd spontaneous event or trip... I generally like to plan my time. I can make money, I can make friends, I can make dinner, I can make beautiful things with my two hands... But I cannot make more time!

Perhaps he will surprise you yet! πŸ˜‰

I maybe get a weekend off once every 6 months.


Feel like I should thank you for reminding me of what I’m missing.. I was spontaneous, too ~

Varn Level 8 Sep 11, 2019

The older I get the harder being spontaneous gets.


If he doesn't know you better (than this shows) by now, your birthday should be spent productively searching for another BF! Completely ignoring your personality & spoken requests as well?!?!?


I never have had the need to celebrate my birthday, a card from my beloved gave me joy and still gives me joy for the things he wrote in my card. When he was too sick to go out and get a card, he reused an old card and wrote the sweetest things, I cherish that card more than anything I now own.
Plan something yourself and be happy he is with you. My daughter never remembers my birthday, so I call her on that day and say; wish me happy birthday, only because she feels bad for not remembering. Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket.


I hate over-planning, and I hate the idea of scheduled rituals like birthdays and all that . . . It is nothing but a fucking ceremony, which eventually turns into a thing you do without even thinking about, kind of like a DUTY. Fuck that shit. If I do something thoughtful for someone, it is not planned to happen on a certain date, I simply do it as a spontaneous gesture. What do people want from that scheduled bull shit anyway, its ridiculous to expect someone to jump every time a certain date or time arrives . . . talk about slavery!

I agree to a point. I think to just say I'm going to ignore his birthday would be a bitch move. I want him to know on his special day how much he means to me. I tell him and try to show him all year but a birthday is a day the world became better because he became a part of it. I won't speak for every woman but I say as a woman I want to feel important often but my birthday is once a year. We do not celebrate any of the stupid hallmark holidays. They are utter shit but a birthday is more intimate. It is a day to celebrate the birth of a special human.

Damn - you too?! Well put ..if harsh πŸ˜€ Birthdays are like roving β€˜hallmark holidays.’ Yes, do it, buy it, or go there when inspired, not required..


You should let him read what you just wrote.


Yeah, conspire with friends who know you well to do nice little things many days not just birthdays


You're honest with yourself and him ....I would plan an entire day of moon set sunrise bird watching flower gathering favorite foods beverages at least a great muffin with a candle....FONDUE wine nibbles shampoo massage your hair and call your mom if she's still awake to say GOOD JOB birthing little squirt @Jama .....above all learn how to give you relaxing relief from any stress

My mothers birthday is 2 days before mine. I always remind her I was the best gift she ever received. She was in the hospital giving birth to me on her birthday. Haha


Why don't you plan something

He told me not to. Lol I planned a huge camping trip for us a few weeks back. His son. sister, my daughter and us. I was so stressed getting everything bought, packed, loaded up, and set up at camp I was too worn out to enjoy it.

@Jama765 I guess if you get stressed but I have a tendency to pamper partner,give in to her,when I had one

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