So my birthday is coming up and my bf doesn't want to make plans. He said he wants us to relax and be spontaneous. Spontaneous is not in my blood. I'm a planner. I'm a stresser. I like thoughtfulness. Maybe a drive to a nice park with a picnic, visit a sunflower field, get a tattoo, etc. I do not want gifts of materialistic things. I want effort and thoughtfulness. We dated for a year and ended things due to where we were in our lives. I had left religion and was suffering from that. My life was dark and i was not in a good place. We remained best of friends and a year later he asked me to give it another shot. It has been comfortable and secure this time around. He lost his mother to cancer 2 months ago. I just hope he does have something planned and he doesn't want me to stress over it. Is it wrong to say I'll be disappointed if he has nothing special for us to do? Because, deep down i will be.
I think you need to have an open and honest conversation with him. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for disappointment and resentment if you hope he will be a mind reader.... with my exes I never left things up to chance or spontaneity and they knew I was a planner... if they wouldn't plan my bday then I sure as hell would and they'd come along for the ride
I'm hip! While I don't mind the odd spontaneous event or trip... I generally like to plan my time. I can make money, I can make friends, I can make dinner, I can make beautiful things with my two hands... But I cannot make more time!
Perhaps he will surprise you yet!
I never have had the need to celebrate my birthday, a card from my beloved gave me joy and still gives me joy for the things he wrote in my card. When he was too sick to go out and get a card, he reused an old card and wrote the sweetest things, I cherish that card more than anything I now own.
Plan something yourself and be happy he is with you. My daughter never remembers my birthday, so I call her on that day and say; wish me happy birthday, only because she feels bad for not remembering. Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket.
I hate over-planning, and I hate the idea of scheduled rituals like birthdays and all that . . . It is nothing but a fucking ceremony, which eventually turns into a thing you do without even thinking about, kind of like a DUTY. Fuck that shit. If I do something thoughtful for someone, it is not planned to happen on a certain date, I simply do it as a spontaneous gesture. What do people want from that scheduled bull shit anyway, its ridiculous to expect someone to jump every time a certain date or time arrives . . . talk about slavery!
You're honest with yourself and him ....I would plan an entire day of moon set sunrise bird watching flower gathering favorite foods beverages at least a great muffin with a candle....FONDUE wine nibbles shampoo massage your hair and call your mom if she's still awake to say GOOD JOB birthing little squirt @Jama .....above all learn how to give you relaxing relief from any stress