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I'm an introvert and I have social anxiety, but I still like to go to parties or go out to bars and be around people. I went out Friday to see my friend music at a local bar. I knew a lot of the people there but I had a hard time keeping a conversation going. I ended up staying close to my wife most of the time when I really wanted to work on building friendships with others. I treat my social anxiety with alcohol (yeah, real healthy, I know), but I've been trying to cut down, so maybe that's why.

Fallingeaf 3 July 22
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I hear you, man. I’m the same way and lately I have been taking more to the alcohol to help. When I’m a bit intoxicated, I can speak my mind more. When I happen to have a partner, I do stick close to her and more often than not, she is more likely to be social than I am so I am able to feel safe with her and interject when it feels right. Unfortunately, lately I have struggled with being social enough to find a partner like that in the first place...


I realized ages ago if I can't be around some people sober then there is no reason to spend time and money around them inebriated. I noticed that I was spending all this money on drinks to tolerate people I didn't even like all that much? Just not worth it. I get that some events require me to be around people I don't like, but I try to keep it in perspective, yeah?

purcascade Level 5 July 22, 2018

It's not that I don't like them, it's that I'm insecure. I'm afraid of saying something stupid. Alcohol makes me less inhibited. Obviously I should be working on my insecurity instead and this is not healthy behavior.


I tend to stay by people I know and am comfortable with if I ever go out or something like that. Now that I'm by myself, I don't really do much. Which makes it really hard to find new friends or someone to potentially build a relationship with.


It was easier to go out when I had the support of my husband. He could and would talk to anybody and I would ride his coattails so to speak. Now he's out of the picture meh, I stay home.

Booklover Level 7 July 22, 2018

I feel very lucky to have my wife. She's not particularly an extrovert, but she has pretty good social skills. I do think it would help me to get out on my own more, though.

@Fallingeaf you might like trying to go to a movie by yourself. Then you have people around but don't really have to interact. Just getting used to people. Of course I don't own advice since I usually go to matinees where there usually aren't people. Lol!


I think you just need to accept yourself as you are and not fret over it so much. Once I had a woman in my face socially and I could tell she was a little miffed that I was not responding very much. So, I simply explained to her that I was an introvert and mostly just listened to people. Her attitude towards me not only changed, but she actually told me that she was an introvert too, but just forced herself to socialize to try and get past her introversion. Surprised me, I can tell you.

Heraclitus Level 8 July 22, 2018

alcohol is a huge crutch. I used it for years to try to socialize. it creates a false persona, I would say and do things the real me would never do. I see others doing the same all the time. it's sad. I have 20 years of sobriety as of tomorrow. Everything is easier without having to rely on how much I booze. I still have social anxiety, but not as badly as I did while drinking. I force myself out of my comfort zone regularly. I am able to go to a blues bar by myself (because I LOVE blues and that's where they play!) , it was hard at first, but not any more. I talk to people everywhere I go , when I am in a social mood, which is not all the time! If you stop using "numbing agents" and get real, you will be more successful.

DeeWoman Level 7 July 22, 2018

Congrats on your sustained sobriety!


It is as if one desires to be someone else. Someone who seems to flow easily between people. But we are not that. We are not extroverts. Our brain works differently. I use alcohol in these situations as well. It lowers the anxiety. Accept who you are or you will have to work on changing your brain thru counseling. You have friends here. Talk to us.

Mooolah Level 8 July 22, 2018

Ohhh, Buddy.. I am in the EXACT same boat as you. I feel ya, Brother..

Loud_Love Level 5 July 22, 2018

I am the same way... we I go out I have to drink to even stay out...

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