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I've always been a bit of an introvert or loner, though I'm generally not fearful (do well in interviews, etc. eye contact, firm handshake), but I can't tell if I'm becoming more of an introvert as I get older, or some kind of recluse. I occasionally get lonely, but not enough to do anything about it. Chit chat and small conversations make my head hurt!
I work alone, spend my off time alone, and have essentially no social life or friends. I go to AA meetings once or twice a week, but I just sit and listen, and then leave immediately without speaking to anyone.
I guess that I'm lonely, but I want to be left alone. Hmmmm. This probably just qualifies me as an asshole, but I'm wondering if anyone else has similar "conundrum."

Pete01938 6 Aug 19
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I can relate. I love people but a lot of the time I don't like people. The people I like the most are the ones I feel comfortable enough to be around for more than ten minutes without saying a word. Solitude and silence are both peaceful.

Jrawd Level 2 Aug 28, 2018

I am very much the same way. I don't know if I'm getting more introverted as I get older, or am just more aware of it now that I'm coming to understand it more. I have the same conundrum of feeling lonely at times, but he thought of leaving the house and going out and about is more uncomfortable than staying home and feeling lonely. I absolutely identify with feeling lonely and wanting to be left alone simultaneously.

ErikaG Level 5 Aug 27, 2018

If I have the choice of being alone or calling someone, I almost always choose being alone. There are people I could call, but the thought of going through the decision, the where, the how, the who, the when... it just wears me out. It's so much easier to do what I want to do alone. I hate parties, girls' lunches, girls' weekends, bachelorette parties, showers and weddings, but they're sometimes somewhat compulsory. However, I do crave company once in a while, but one person, not several.... so an occasional lunch or dinner with one person who doesn't exhaust me is nice.


Introvert and solitude are not the same as lonely. Loneliness is when you feel you are not part of community or nobody cares about you and affects you mentally and physically. While solitude, specially for introverts, is necessary and part of a healthy life where one is immersed in oneself and doing activities that do not require social conversation or interaction, such as reading (though some would say that reading is having a conversation with an author), painting, walking. Solitude is good for health and loneliness is not. When one gets older one prefers more solitude, but normal thing is to require some social interaction thought frequency varies.

Chordan Level 4 Aug 20, 2018

I too have always been in introvert. Making friends take a lot of time. You sound like you enjoy solitude. Solitude is not the same as as being lonely. You find a balance between being with people and being alone.

SKH78 Level 8 Aug 19, 2018

We need an Assholes unite group

HeraTera Level 7 Aug 19, 2018

with a chatroom



Sounds like me other than I have a social job and children. However, when not working or with my kids, the older I get the more I prefer my own company

Rudy1962 Level 9 Aug 19, 2018

I have noticed that I prefer to be by myself more as I get older. The only times I really enjoy being with other people are at atheists meet ups & conventions. The older I get the more religious people seem to irritate. They just can't seem to keep their religion to themselves, even when they know me as non-religious.

Ray13 Level 8 Aug 19, 2018

I’m lonely, but I’m too much of an emotional wreck to do anything about it yet. Maybe next year?

Hermit Level 7 Aug 19, 2018

My loneliness comes and goes. Most of the time I love living alone and doing my own thing. I have friends close by, I have work friends, and my own interests and hobbies that keep me occupied. I have never really fit into one group, so I don't have a defined social group that I do things with. I have also found that as I get older that I want social interaction on my own terms. I have a much lower tolerance for bullshit in general.

Sorcha Level 6 Aug 19, 2018

I think I enjoy my alone time more as I’ve gotten older. My daughter keeps getting after me to join a Meet Up group but it makes my head hurt to think about it. While I don’t work alone, I don’t socialize outside of work with coworkers either. It doesn’t make you an asshole just a private person.


I don't see how that makes you an asshole. I know the feeling. I tend to keep to myself and kind of like it that way, but am kind of lonely. I don't get out much and don't really have any friends so I don't see this changing anytime soon. But I wouldn't say your an asshole.


At least you do well at interviews... I don’t even do well talking to my wife... I don’t have the feeling I want to be alone... I have too...

Is it because you try to talk to her and she doesn't want to talk, or because she tries to talk to you and you don't know what to say?


Well, I think the definition of lonely is that you don't want to be alone. So I don't think you can be lonely if you really want to be left alone. Lol If you're happy, that's the key. If you're happy being an asshole, then good for you. 🙂 I get it though. I enjoy my alone time, and have appreciated it more as I've gotten older. But it's nice to have the option of not talways being alone. I have my kids that fill up 50% of my time. The rest of my time I appreciate that I can do with it as I please. But I wouldn't mind having some other options.

mikecagain Level 7 Aug 19, 2018
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