When I think of neurodiverstiy, I have the understanding that it's not just about autism spectrum disorders, but in its fullest sense, encompasses other neurological differences like those with Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, ADD/ADHD, Dyscalculia, Sensory Processing Disorders, Tourette Syndrome, and others.

So, that being said, I thought I would say why I joined this group.

My partner's daughter is officially diagnosed. He has signs of it too. But as he's been in amateur theater for decades, he's learned a lot of compensation skills. My ex (who was a mechanical engineer) is probably one and agrees he probably is though he hasn't been diagnosed - he has the social skills deficits, the social anxiety, the stims and frequently shuts down when he is feeling overwhelmed. My middle daughter had SPD and anxiety which made her selectively mute for a while which both are spectrum-y traits, though her pediatric neuropsychologist gave her a battery of tests when she was a preschooler to rule out autism and rule in SPD, selective mutism, social anxiety and ADD. But she was also tested to have high intelligence too. Not surprising since me and her dad are both intelligent. All my kids are in the advanced/honors program and have some sort of anxiety/depression issues.

I personally found most social rules to be contradictory and hard to abide by. I can find emotions in other people hard to deal with and I have problems with empathy, especially when I'm tired, stressed, feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated. But that might be because I had an emotionally abusive mom and had some PTSD from my ex husband's drinking and behavior so I have innapropriate responses to stimuli which makes it hard for me to deal with other people's wants and needs. I also am pretty sure I have dyscalculia which makes it hard for me to do most mental math beyond single digit calculations. But I've also had taken math classes up through multivariate calculus. Give me a pencil and paper or a calculator and I do just fine.

I find I admire almost every male Aspie character on television and film. I tend to like their logic and their disinterest in playing social games.

That being said, I do not get along with my partner's 13 year old Aspie daughter. By and large, I find her very unpleasant. Besides saying everyone in school, kids and teachers, are stupid, she is often rude and she has no table manners and completely self-centered and would rather be on her electronics than actually talking to anyone, UNLESS it's about her pet interests, then she can not stop talking about it. She twirls her hair til it knots, then pulls the knotted hair till it breaks and then throws it on the floor. She'll clip her toenails directly onto the floor. She'll take way more food than she can eat and then says midway through, she can't finish. And then it goes to waste. Or she'll get up from the table and never feels like she needs to take her dishes to the sink, even though she sees everyone else doing it. And if she's on her computer, it takes forever to get her to stop what she's doing and do a task you've asked her to do.

I know this is part and parcel of the condition, but I have very little ability to deal with it. And since my partner is living with me, every time she comes over (Tuesday nights and every other weekend), I struggle.

My partner never seems to be bothered by her behavior, and often makes excuses for it. He thinks i'm a control freak when I want to moderate or change her behavior. I think that attempting to teach her some basic manners is well within reason.

We've gotten into some really hurtful arguments over this. And quite frankly, if I knew his kid was going to cause me to be upset as much as I have, I never would have asked him to come live with me. I just didn't know. And not being my child, I have even less incentive to try very hard.

Right now, all we can do is minimize the time we have to be in the same room. Often times, we are spending time apart when he has her.

I never expected to have so many unpleasant feelings arise in me. Though, in all of my dealings with other people's kids, I generally could only deal with them for a short period of time before I started feeling annoyed by them.

To be fair, my own kids annoy me sometimes. But at least I have a LOT of good bonding moments with them so I do get along better with them than not.

I know the issue is with me, not the child. But I find myself unable to change how I feel, only stay away from her so I don't get irritated.

Do you have any advice on how I can re-frame this in my own mind or how I can be more patient and understanding (which I can be as long as I'm not in her presence, then left-brained logic takes over).

I am terrible at masking my true feelings. I'm also terrible at keeping my mouth shut, which I know would keep the peace between my partner and I.