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As a mom to a preteen boy with autism, I am finding it so difficult to have “the talk” with him. I’m not even sure what to say to him beyond the scientific explanations. And we are going to be in trouble when it comes time for shaving lessons. Has anyone else had to do this? Any suggestions for a clueless mama? Any and all advice is appreciated and welcome.

HDY4 4 Sep 28
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I went to the bookstore, bought a book about puberty/sex - it's been years, so don't remember the title - had him read a chapter a day, and then we would discuss for any questions he had. This worked out very well for us. Factual and scientific works well for spectrum kids usually. As for explaining his autism, I just began with talking about how brains are all different, some are more inclined towards math, art, music, etc... and some brains are good with social skills, some are not quite as good... every brain is different in every person. Some brains are autistic type, then explained a little about autism, and that his brain is on the spectrum of autism. I never said "disability", or "defect" or anything like that, I used the term "brain difference".

AgnoLulu Level 5 Oct 3, 2018

@HDY4 this is the book (if memory serves) that I bought for mine: [barnesandnoble.com]
It was good bc it had all the facts and a lot of humor too - funny pictures, things like a section about your feet growing and a teen boy with really long feet, etc... So it was a little more fun to read. Also, I have made my son watch this video a few times:

which is about consent. Now, mine is 20 yo now, and at college, but still has yet to date. He's had a couple of crushes on girls, but not really ready for dating. While living at home, he had a hard time, because we live in such a conservative and religious place, that it'd be very hard for him to even find a girl to date, between the autism, and the progressive and non religious person that he is, there's just not any girls he could have even related to.
But very early on, like toddlerhood, I always talked with him about the fact that no one was allowed to touch him on his (bathing suit area) or make him touch them, etc... I had that talk with him often. I think that's important for kids, even more so for kids on the spectrum who might be easily manipulated.
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I would tend to advise you to take your cues from your son as to what you should tell him , and when . Also , some of us autistic people , including myself , are asexual [autism-help.org] . So we might not feel comfortable talking about a topic which holds no personal relevence , or interest to us . Just saying .

Marmion Level 6 Sep 30, 2018
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I was very matter-of-fact with my son. I am with all his questions. And I let him come to me when he wanted answers instead of taking him aside and forcing him into the talk. He's not the kind of kid who would have heard about it the wrong way from others. We've been able to discuss reproduction, drugs, rape, and a whole long list of topics this way.

Lysistrata Level 7 Sep 28, 2018
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I have an 18 yr old Aspergers...fortunately for me he is very high functioning so explanations were pretty much cut and dry...of course he was exposed to peer talk at school and I always encouraged him to discuss anything he heard said. I had to correct a few times because of typical lousy attitudes that we all know are present. For us my focus was always aimed at teaching respect for women. He understands that no means no and he understands that violence of any nature us not acceptable or allowed and has consequences.
Your childs "talk" has to be customized to his intelligence and academic and emotional level. You tube can be helpful as well as good old fashioned textbooks on the subject.
Hope this helps ... Good luck.

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As far as the talk goes it would depend on his level of academic functioning, that is, it may be that the science and the facts are the best way. If there's a learning disability as well I'm not sure but this link to the UK's National Autistic Societies webpage may help. It's the front page so some searching may well need to be done 🙂

[autism.org.uk]

ipdg77 Level 8 Sep 28, 2018

@HDY4 My ex wife and I had a similar dilemma with our eldest daughter, she too is high functioning autism (Aspergers) and the advice was stay with the science and the facts, it appears to be working. She has enough issues with the all the social stuff without dumping sex into the mix. She's finding out the emotional stuff at her own pace. Hope things work out for your son (and you)

PS You may get a lot questions that'll need the answer looked up lol

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Is there any family members that are like a father figure uncles grandparents brothers they can help you.

@HDY4 you know your child better than anyone...you've built up a bond of trust that can be invaluable...unless you REALLY know someone's heart to be in the right place, this life lesson may have to be done by you...who better...keep it basic and let him ask questions and don't go for the whole enchilada ... Piece by piece with a strong emphasis on morals and equality...you got this.

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