I've always been a bit of an introvert or loner, though I'm generally not fearful (do well in interviews, etc. eye contact, firm handshake), but I can't tell if I'm becoming more of an introvert as I get older, or some kind of recluse. I occasionally get lonely, but not enough to do anything about it. Chit chat and small conversations make my head hurt!
I work alone, spend my off time alone, and have essentially no social life or friends. I go to AA meetings once or twice a week, but I just sit and listen, and then leave immediately without speaking to anyone.
I guess that I'm lonely, but I want to be left alone. Hmmmm. This probably just qualifies me as an asshole, but I'm wondering if anyone else has similar "conundrum."
I am very much the same way. I don't know if I'm getting more introverted as I get older, or am just more aware of it now that I'm coming to understand it more. I have the same conundrum of feeling lonely at times, but he thought of leaving the house and going out and about is more uncomfortable than staying home and feeling lonely. I absolutely identify with feeling lonely and wanting to be left alone simultaneously.
If I have the choice of being alone or calling someone, I almost always choose being alone. There are people I could call, but the thought of going through the decision, the where, the how, the who, the when... it just wears me out. It's so much easier to do what I want to do alone. I hate parties, girls' lunches, girls' weekends, bachelorette parties, showers and weddings, but they're sometimes somewhat compulsory. However, I do crave company once in a while, but one person, not several.... so an occasional lunch or dinner with one person who doesn't exhaust me is nice.
Introvert and solitude are not the same as lonely. Loneliness is when you feel you are not part of community or nobody cares about you and affects you mentally and physically. While solitude, specially for introverts, is necessary and part of a healthy life where one is immersed in oneself and doing activities that do not require social conversation or interaction, such as reading (though some would say that reading is having a conversation with an author), painting, walking. Solitude is good for health and loneliness is not. When one gets older one prefers more solitude, but normal thing is to require some social interaction thought frequency varies.
I don't see how that makes you an asshole. I know the feeling. I tend to keep to myself and kind of like it that way, but am kind of lonely. I don't get out much and don't really have any friends so I don't see this changing anytime soon. But I wouldn't say your an asshole.
At least you do well at interviews... I don’t even do well talking to my wife... I don’t have the feeling I want to be alone... I have too...
Is it because you try to talk to her and she doesn't want to talk, or because she tries to talk to you and you don't know what to say?
Well, I think the definition of lonely is that you don't want to be alone. So I don't think you can be lonely if you really want to be left alone. Lol If you're happy, that's the key. If you're happy being an asshole, then good for you. I get it though. I enjoy my alone time, and have appreciated it more as I've gotten older. But it's nice to have the option of not talways being alone. I have my kids that fill up 50% of my time. The rest of my time I appreciate that I can do with it as I please. But I wouldn't mind having some other options.
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