Benthoven's Profile

Follow Block User Report User

Benthoven Ben

Man, New York,

Navigation

I grew up in a fundamentalist home… at ten I was baptized into the Seventh-Day-Adventist church. In my early twenties I was baptized into the Assemblies of church, and then in my later twenties I became a member of the Foursquare denomination. The one thing all of those groups have in common is that they are terrified of ME!

Because of my gayness, according to fundamentalists, I can:
~ Single-handedly incur the wrath of to bring down civilizations.
~ Cause earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, flooding and famine.
~ And apparently my powers are growing as I'm creating bigger hurricanes.
~ Just by being gay I can destroy straight marriages and obliterate the institution of marriage altogether.

Full Bio

Posts

Silly, Random & Fun

Dec 31, 2018Dec 2018

Posted by Benthoven

When push comes to shove, we inevitably resort to pushing and shoving.

Silly, Random & Fun

Jan 7, 2019Jan 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Once upon a midnight dreary As I pondered weak and weary Why the F&K won't this video load?

Silly, Random & Fun

Jan 10, 2019Jan 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I'm having a spontaneous moment. I scheduled it two weeks ago.

Silly, Random & Fun

Jan 10, 2019Jan 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Pro Noun—A Noun that gets paid Pro Rate—A rate that kicks ass Pro Bait—Bait that is exceptional at luring prey Pro Nounced—Hmmmm Pro Bono—A paid supporter of U2’s front man Pro vide—Someone who supports viding Pro tem—For those who ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Jan 21, 2019Jan 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Do you think Death ever has a bad day?

Silly, Random & Fun

Jan 29, 2019Jan 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Some days my mouth says to my brain… “Here, hold my beer!”

Silly, Random & Fun

Jan 29, 2019Jan 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I can't really say for sure, but I think I have my life on backwards.

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 4, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

A friend of mine asked me to write a fifteen-hundred-word article for his blog. I was really excited about it until it occurred to me… Do I even know fifteen hundred words?

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 4, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

NOTHING in this world is black and white… except… maybe… black and white.

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 14, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

They say that learning the hard way is a waste of time. But it's not like I have anything better to do.

General & Hellos

Feb 16, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Even empowering beliefs will, at some point, become dis-empowering beliefs. If you believe, for example, that you're a great writer, but something inside of you also thinks you'd make a great musician, suddenly your belief is in conflict. “I'm a ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 20, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

No offense, but... !

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 21, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I thought I had finally found a happy medium. Turns out, she was just drunk.

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 22, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

What I'm about to tell you is a lie. You may be asking, “Why would you lie to me?” Because I don't know the truth. The closest I can get is a good guess.

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 25, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

There's a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell, and the only thing separating them is a catchy guitar riff.

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 28, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Well, after a ton of soul-searching, I've finally concluded: I don't have a soul. I've looked everywhere. Behind the sofa, under the cushions, even under the bed. I checked behind the refrigerator, since I'm always losing things back there… ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 28, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Yes, I KNOW what I said was ignorant, obnoxious and mean, but I put lol at the end… I said LOL!

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 1, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

People ask me about my pet peeves. I don't pet my peeves. They bite.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 1, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Conscience = Con + Science… Mind = Blown!

General & Hellos

Mar 1, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I have always loved Rob Thomas' music. Now I hear he has a new album coming out. Here's the first song they released from the album. I put it on repeat and it's been playing non-stop for about an hour now.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 5, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

If a potato is already a potato, then why would I need to buy Instant Potatoes?

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 6, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

We have nothing to fear but fear itself. Although snakes should be a consideration.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 6, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I thought I had fallen in love. Turned out to be quicksand.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 7, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Mirror Mirror on the wall… HEY! My eyes are up here buddy!

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 7, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I wish people would stop telling me that I need to learn to love myself. How do you think I got arrested in the first place?

Health & Happiness

Mar 7, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

How does one deal with an asshole? We all know them. Some of us are them. I would make a distinction between temporary and certified assholes, because all of us under the wrong conditions can be temporary assholes. I'm talking about somebody who is ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 8, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

If I seem awkward and stupid around you, it's because I think you're hot.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 13, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Interesting! I snore when I meditate.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 14, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Heaven and Hell are pretty much the same place. The difference is, Heaven knows how to properly use “their, they're, and there.”

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 14, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I sold my soul to Rock and Roll. Well, Rock and Roll is demanding its money back.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 16, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Beware the Dark Slide!

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 23, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

In any given situation I assume two things: Number 1, I assume I'm making assumptions… Number 2, I assume those assumptions are wrong.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 23, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

This is your life… act like you've been here before.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 27, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Buy One, get Two free. Three Four and Five are half-off after you've purchased One (and Two free). Six through Nine are regular price. Ten, as always, is half-off.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 28, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

You had me at Harumph!

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 28, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I can't decide if I want Vodka and tonic, Vodka and orange juice, or Vodka and tomato juice. Fck it. Vodka and Vodka it is.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 28, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I am NOT a loser … I'm a writer.

General & Hellos

Mar 31, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Make yourself at home in the universe. There's lots of space.

General & Hellos

Mar 31, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

May the road rise up to meet you... or maybe not...

General & Hellos

Apr 3, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

It's as easy as one... two... five… >> Three Sir. Three!

General & Hellos

Apr 5, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

If anyone needs me, I'll be out of my mind.

General & Hellos

Apr 5, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

No! I won't sit down. Now that I'm off my rocker I intend to stay that way.

General & Hellos

Apr 9, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

You guessed it, I’m up to know good!

General & Hellos

Apr 9, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Love makes you feel vulnerable. Vulnerability makes you feel frightened. Fear makes you crazy. Ergo: Love makes you crazy.

General & Hellos

Apr 10, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Tomorrow on Sesame Street: Everything you've always wanted to know about six but were too afraid to ask.

General & Hellos

Apr 13, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Have you ever noticed that sometimes when you notice something you hadn't noticed before you notice way more than you originally noticed?

General & Hellos

Apr 16, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Opportunity knockers!

Silly, Random & Fun

Apr 20, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I was asked today what advice I would give to young writers. I pretty much gave them the same advice I would give anyone: "Never trust a fart."

General & Hellos

Apr 22, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Battery snot included.

General & Hellos

Apr 22, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

The human mind is programmed for survival, not for truth. John Gray

General & Hellos

Apr 22, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Keep reaching for the stars… Even if you miss (and you WILL), at least you'll have your hands in the air like you just don't care.

General & Hellos

Apr 22, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

My job is to help you feel, not to feel better. But if you feel in a safe place, you will feel better. Dr. Frank Campbell

General & Hellos

Apr 22, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

The story of the planet Earth is one of profound violence and weirdly extraordinary luck.

General & Hellos

Apr 24, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

The artist committing himself to his calling has volunteered for hell, whether he knows it or not. Steven Pressfield

General & Hellos

Apr 24, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

There are places in the brain where the MIND won't go.

General & Hellos

Apr 24, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

If you think about it, due to the time-space continuum, the expansion of the universe, and the constant forward-movement of our globe through space—even "two-steps backward" is still forward movement.

Silly, Random & Fun

Apr 26, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

The answer my friend Is blowing in the wind The answer is blowing in the… <ahh aahhhh> … blowing in the <ahhhh aaahhhh> in the … <AHCHOO!?> Damn. I must be allergic to the answer.

General & Hellos

May 2, 2019May 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero from the Deli Delight It's gotta have Ranch It's gotta have salt And it's gotta have pepper and spice I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero from the Deli Delight It's gotta be long With lots of salam And ...

General & Hellos

May 19, 2019May 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Ben: (Spitting Out) Uggh! This Vodka tastes terrible. Friend: It's water.

General & Hellos

May 31, 2019May 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I thought I would share some of my daily affirmations. Who knows, maybe they could help others. My inner voice guides me in every moment: (One voice wants to eat pizza—another voice demands I have a salad instead—still another voice is telling ...

General & Hellos

Jun 10, 2019Jun 2019

Posted by Benthoven

If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Viktor Frankl, Man Search for Meaning

General & Hellos

Jun 12, 2019Jun 2019

Posted by Benthoven

The last war has shown that there are no longer any barriers between the continents and that destinies of all countries are closely interwoven. Albert Einstein

General & Hellos

Jun 14, 2019Jun 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Men worship gods made in their own image; but these gods in turn, once made, have a potency of their own to shape and enslave their devotees. A.N. Wilson Jesus A Life

General & Hellos

Jun 26, 2019Jun 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Out yonder there is a huge world which exists independently of us human beings and which stands before us like a great, eternal riddle. Albert Einstein

General & Hellos

Jul 6, 2019Jul 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Out of curiosity, are there any atheist/agnostic comedians out there among the Agnostic.com community(working/not working)?

General & Hellos

Jul 9, 2019Jul 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Motivational Speaker: What if I told you there was nowhere to go but up? Ben: I'd know you were lying.

General & Hellos

Aug 6, 2019Aug 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I just got done listening to a podcast on Albert Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity. -- My Brain Hurts! -- But I did learn this: When we're moving, we're bending the space-time continuum, which means time is going slower. When we're idle we're ...

General & Hellos

Aug 9, 2019Aug 2019

Posted by Benthoven

General & Hellos

Aug 9, 2019Aug 2019

Posted by Benthoven

When push comes to shove, we inevitably resort to pushing and shoving.

General & Hellos

Aug 22, 2019Aug 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Very often, the reason something can't be disproved is that it didn't exist in the first place.

General & Hellos

Sep 3, 2019Sep 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Some people hear voices… Some see invisible people… Others have no imagination whatsoever.

General & Hellos

Sep 16, 2019Sep 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Today my Auto-Correct insisted that I get my car detailed.

Silly, Random & Fun

Sep 20, 2019Sep 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Damn physicist! He's quark blocking me.

Silly, Random & Fun

Sep 20, 2019Sep 2019

Posted by Benthoven

We're all in this together… So if you fart, I'll kill you.

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 10, 2019Oct 2019

Posted by Benthoven

If an “illusion” isn't real, then what’s so wrong with being “disillusioned”?

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 10, 2019Oct 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Sometimes life hands you lemons, so you make lemonade. Of course, sometimes life pulls down your pants, rubs a power-sander across your nekked ass and then pours that lemonade on your raw, abraded, skin.

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 15, 2019Oct 2019

Posted by Benthoven

If it were easy, I'd have done it already.

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 16, 2019Oct 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I'd love to stay and chat, but I'm in a bit of a hurry. I've got to rock down to 'Electric Avenue.' And then I’ll take it higher.

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 16, 2019Oct 2019

Posted by Benthoven

One of the saddest, most beautiful songs I've ever heard, but it's been one of my favorites for decades.

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 18, 2019Oct 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I'm sorry for embarrassing you. The guy shouted "Hoedown," and I hit the floor.

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 18, 2019Oct 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I don't need eternal life… The life I'm living now is miserable enough.

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 22, 2019Oct 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Spaghetti is STRAIGHT dammit… Until it gets hot and wet! Mamma mia!

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 31, 2019Oct 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I went to see Jesus Christ Supper Star. It was dinner theater.

Silly, Random & Fun

Dec 4, 2019Dec 2019

Posted by Benthoven

It's been two-thousand and twenty years since Jesus was born, and Mary STILL won't tell us who the father is.

Previous
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Photos

Agnostic, Humanist, Secularist, Skeptic

Open to meeting men

Interested InFriends, Dating, Long Term
EnjoysMovies, Music, Science, Books, Love
Education2-Year
Top tags#god #Jesus #world #friends #reason #video #book #hell #religion #earth #gay #death #Christian #hope #beliefs #Bible #children #Christians #church #Vodka

Level8 (90,206pts)
Posts984
Comments
Replies 2,841
710
Followers 22
Fans 0
Joined Sep 26th, 2017
Last Visit Over a year ago
Not in search results

Benthoven's Groups

Topic of the day

Community Senate

Copyright © 2025 - All rights reserved.
About
Terms
Privacy
Contact
FAQ

Agnostic.com is a community for interesting people!