The gravity of my condition isn’t something I go into here, because I’m embarrassed and because I suppose it’s best that I stay as positive as possible. Solution oriented, etc.
I have agoraphobia, and I know it’s mostly irrational.
I can occasionally leave my house, and I do, but I have to talk myself into it for a good amount of time before I actually get up and go.
It is very rare anymore, that impulse grabs me and I feel safe enough to venture out, alone especially.
This is the polar opposite of how I used to be.
I’ve been talking about getting out and walking again, for months.
I genuinely want to.
I’m just panic stricken at the thought of actually doing it.
Today I did it anyway.
My car has been broken down since October and my cat was yelling at me for food..
So, I popped my sneakers on, put my earbuds in and went for a stroll to the store.
I told myself to hunt for dandelions along the way, that doing so would distract my mind from the irrational intrusive thoughts that cripple me.
Here’s some of the sweetness that caught my eye while I walked...
Also, my cat is happy now 
16
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9 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.That is a terrible phobia to be struck with, many others can be controlled by reducing your exposure but, fear of the outside narrows your world to a very small space, sorry you suffer this, hope you can get the help you need to overcome it. Glad you can still function enough to share your dandelions.
HeathenFarmer
Level 8
June 1, 2018
0
Fears and phobias are rarely rational and we all have them, please don't be embarrassed. I think it's incredibly brave that you challenged this fear and were triumphant. You should be proud of yourself! And I'm so glad it was such a beautiful walk and you were able to enjoy the beauty surrounding you!
PS. If you want to talk about silly, embarrassing, irrational fears, I think I have you beat. Ever since I was little, I have had an irrational fear of mayo. Mayo of all things! It's ridiculous and makes no sense, but I'm damn near phobic about it and for absolutely no reason.
I know you struggle, but keep fighting the good fight, I am pulling for you! Big hugs!!
AdorkableMe
Level 7
June 1, 2018
0
@AMGT You are welcome. I think we sometimes forget we are all in this together. We may all struggle differently, but we all still struggle!
I'm not sure if mayo is the devil's condiment or just the devil himself! Or is it herself? ? Either way I guess! Lol.
I feel for you. So what actually do you fear about exiting your house? Sounds, people, crime. What keeps you sequestered? Don't be embarrassed. This is a brain chemistry issue.
Mooolah
Level 8
May 31, 2018
1
I remember you now. You changed your avatar. I started here in Feb. & was struck by your story. You just hang in there & do what's best for your mental stability. Perhaps delivery of items you need so you don't have to venture out. You need to heal & that can take a long time. Life is suffering. The older I get the more people I lose to the grim reaper thru unnecessary & tragic events. I send you hugs & thoughts of healing energy & strength for your ordeal. I have 4 acres here & barely ever leave the property. I have a caretakeer who does the shopping etc. so I don';t have to endure going into the world. I withdrawal from it too. When I must venture forth to the every 6 month visit to the GP, I have to take a pinch of meds to cope. Way too much stimulation & activity for me. I get you & what you are suffering thru. You have shoulders here. Feel free to vent if it helps. Hugs.
Hugs??? you know I think you're amazing for persevering through all you do, right?
OpposingOpposum
Level 9
May 31, 2018
2