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Just curious how many of you, esp. men, live in either the Midwest, the South, or some other rural area of the US, and find that, even in your 60s or older, that most people on dating sites treat you as undateable or reject you because you are childfree? I have learned that, even here in Iowa, most men who are middle-aged or older, really don't care if a woman on a dating site has kids or not, in fact, most men probably prefer a woman without kids. But the women in my local dating pool really seem to prefer family men only, even at my age. It seems like such bullshit and that it should be irrelevant when they and I are long past the age of breeding and, usually, also past the age of our kids living with us.

I know that some of you on this site will probably answer me by saying I should try to overcome this by either moving away to a better dating pool somewhere less kid and family-oriented, or else try dating someone long distance. So I will answer those in advance by saying I won't do either of those, since I need my several local friends way too much as they are my only support system, and as for LD dating, it seldom works out and is emotionally very challenging. I don't need that kind of added stress in my life. I am not asking anyone to fix the problem, I am asking for the perspectives and experiences of others, something women seem to understand when they hear someone ask for opinions and perspectives, while men seem to only hear someone stating a problem that the men need to fix. Emotionally intelligent people know the difference between the two.

TomMcGiverin 8 June 23
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Well said. I notice in my realm that others (especially women) think your input on things is asking them to fix a problem. All I am doing is sharing a situation.

DenoPenno Level 9 June 24, 2022

Actually, in my experience, it is usually men more than women that seem to think a request for input on a situation requires them to fix a problem or the problem, but I respect that your experience has been different. And I will also say that I have also often found, on Agnostic.com in particular, that, yes, even women often will reflexively try to fix the problem, so to speak, rather than just offer their opinion and perspective. What I would really find interesting to hear, would be to get the input of women from my area, as well as other women from the Midwest, that actually have kids and get some insight as to why this is such a requirement for them in who they will date, even at my age. But that doesn't seem like something I will ever honestly get, because they are probably too defensive about it, and maybe don't want to recognize that their bias against childless men is irrelevant to finding a good partner and might be getting in their way of finding a good mate.

I appreciate your recognizing that I put some thought into how I worded this post, so that I wouldn't get the usual responses where people try to fix the problem by telling me the usual conventional wisdom solutions of moving away to a better dating pool or trying LD dating. Those things are so easy to say, with good intentions, and much harder for someone to actually do, at least if they are me.

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