My wife and I have been married 40+ years. I consider her my best friend even though we have had our rough times and seriously talked about separating at one time; but that's another story. She was raised LDS and I wasn't. When I decided to ask her to marry me, I decided to take the missionary lessons and joined. It wasn't just for her, I took the bait and ran with it (again, another story). Fast forward about 20 years, I found reason to reinvestigate Mormonism and found it repugnant, especially its origins and Joseph Smith. I wanted nothing to do with it. My wife, however, still finds comfort in believing - the church being the tradition she was raised in - and we have respected one anothers positions. We remain a good source of support for one another and it works for us.

My wife has always had some health issues. She has been able to manage her health problems pretty well which have increased as we have aged. She has an autoimmune disease that effects most of her body and over the last 10+ years, she has had multiple stays in the hospital. Her immune system is one that has been compromised by this disorder. Recently, she has had a flare up that seems more dibilitating and more difficult to recover from than past episodes. She has gone into the hospital for IV antibiotics, was released to a rehab unit to build up her strength which didn't seem to do much for her and now she is back in the regular hospital back on the IV antibiotics. She has consistently said through this episode that she hasn't felt well, and even now having been on the antibiotics for several days, she says she still hasn't felt well. This is different. Usually, she has the initial symptoms (typically a high fever) and she feels progressively better with treatment and recovery.

Needless to say, I am very concerned about her. I have spent a lot of time with her in the hospital and helping her move from the bed to wherever she needs to be - this time around, she has lost a lot of strength. She has been dibilitated by her disease, but she has always been able to stand and transfer to a chair or her scooter she uses to get around. Now, she has been unable to accomplish this. Because we are both large individuals, hospital staff often has difficulty assisting her. I have spent many nights here at the hospital available because I am able to do it without any trouble.

Ok, so this is all the set up to my issue. What has me writing tonight is my wife has deciddd she wants a blessing. It's not the first time during these episodes she has made such a request, but for some reason, it is bothering me this time. I think it has something to do with how involved I have found I needed to be with her care. I have made myself available to her to make her comfortable and to help her take care of her needs. It may also be that I've felt a lot closer to her prior to this bout with her disease. I have discovered how much I have appreciated her and the contribution she has made to my life. I had shared these feeling with her recently and she has said she had the same feeling about me. I don't know that I have felt closr to her. The idea that some stranger could come in and do her any real benefit with a little cooking oil to grease up her hair and a couple rehearsed phrases hasn't sat any too well with me this time. I don't expect to bring up the subject with her. I am willing to go along with her request if it is what she wants.

Thanks for letting me complain here.