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When i tell people I'm bisexual but in an monogamous relationship with a man. All of a sudden I'm not bisexual anymore. How do I make people understand just because I'm taking a guy doesn't make me any less bisexual.

N9NEBALL 4 June 9
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15 comments

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1

Just tell 'em you're trysexual, you'll try whatever you're in the mood for. Nobody's business unless you feel a need to share. I HATE labels.

Greenman51 Level 2 Aug 15, 2018
1

Hun I'm right there with you. Some people will never get past that judgmental labeling. "You must because you do xyz". Screw em.

1

I think the problem is mainly that categories are defined by sexual behavior. I think emotional attraction is more important.

For me, I have dated both men and women, but identify as "gay" because I realized that although I am capable of datign both sexes and fully functional sexually with both sexes, I only really develop those feelings we refer to as "fallign in love" with other men. Once I figured tht out, I just stopped dtig women, because i thought it woudl nto be moral to allow soeone to develop feelings for me which i woudl nto be able to return.

So, when you say you are bisexual, I think you are sayign that you are capable to devloping feelings for both genders (and perhaps trans and intersex as well).

If I were you I'd explain the situation as beign a sweialmonogamist who can develop feelings for either gender, but only one at a time, and in any period of beign single you may end up with a person of either gender in your next relationship. It brings to mind the old Woody Allen joke about how bisexuals have twice the chance of finding somone to go out with on a Saturday night. When a bisexual is "single" that is generally true.

There will still be some who wont' "get it" and some who just wont' want to get it, but it is not up to you to justify or explain yourself to anyone you are actually involved with. If yo have good communication with your other half, along with honesty and trust and you are both happy, just that you are happy, shoudl be enough for anyoen who woddl really be a good friend.

snytiger6 Level 9 June 10, 2018
1

You might have to accept that they'll never understand.

3

Sometimes I wonder if it is even worth trying to make people understand this? Lots of people simply do not seem to understand what it means to be bi.

josmi6699 Level 6 June 10, 2018
3

People are more comfortable putting things in neat, labeled little boxes.

Yes, there is a song about that...

3

People frequently confuse innate sexuality with practising sexuality. Is it any wonder, when so many bisexuals are repressing in order to be practising heterosexuals? They identify as heterosexual because they don't act upon their homosexual urges, rather than because they don't have them.

So I suppose when you're with one partner, that mentality sees you for your current practising sexuality. Either homosexual or heterosexual, based on whether your partner is same or other sex.

2

SO frustratingly ignorant.

2

I don’t think you need to explain anything. If they ask just give them a look. Unless you have a compelling need to explain, don’t! I suggest that you ask yourself do I really need this or anyone’s approval? Learning to be comfortable in your own skin takes time, patience and some practice but to heck with what anyone thinks of you.

sophmag Level 5 June 10, 2018
4

Thank you all for the comments it just been bothering me for a while now. I tell someone I'm attracted to both but I havnt had sex with a girl before and all of a sudden I can't be bisexual because I havnt had sex yet.

N9NEBALL Level 4 June 10, 2018

That idea drives me crazy. Total pet peeve.

@Aivery if you put it like this though, I kind of also start to like the idea: it means that all those homophobes actually would not be allowed to have an opinion until they have at least tried. Hard 🙂
Anyway, personally I do not understand why people are so obsessed about wanting to define the sexuality in the first place. As if it was a property that needs to be exactly known. I am bi but I would not say that over time my sexuality was always the same. It changes like most other aspects of my personality have changed over time.
it is like people would HAVE to know if I am a blue cheese liker. WTAF? As long as you are not the person selling blue cheese to me, why would you even bother wanting to know?

1

A constant issue for all of us bisexuals. Unfortunately I have yet to find a good solution... I have explained it to people several times, but the conversation seems to be forgotten within a week. I fear this is just one of those things we will have to just deal with.

Katrik Level 7 June 9, 2018
4

I get that too, or people think I’m going to cheat with the opposite sex of my bf/gf. I explain that I’m attracted to both but I have only one partner at a time.

What pisses me off about the "cheating" argument is that everyone can cheat on their partner -- hetero, 100% gay/lesbian -- everyone. Why is it they think that bi people in-particularly have a greater propensity to cheat? I just don't get the logic, or lack thereof.

0

OH...
Her ya go...
Tell them you are just TOTALY confused and you can't Trully decide.

Will-I-AM Level 5 June 9, 2018
2

I am bisexual have been since a very young sensitive age...but in todays world where many don't quite connect with the words, I throw them a curve with ' I am pansexual, I love pots and pans."

NormCastle Level 7 June 9, 2018

Wow! Your kitchen must be a mess!

6

Tell them you have always been attracted to Both men and Women...

And their opinions are "neither required nor desired"
(Too wan foo)
😉

Will-I-AM Level 5 June 9, 2018
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