Ta dah! The first draft is finally completed although I don't know why I call it a first draft as it is highly unlikely there will be another.
Managers and Clients – the Lament of IT
a parody of The Walrus and the Carpenter by Lewis Carroll
The coders were coding busily, coding through the night
They did their very best to make the logic turn out right.
And this was great because the deadline was so tight.
The testers were waiting groggily well before the sun.
They had so many tests they needed to rerun.
We could have stayed in bed they sighed until the code was done.
The code was clean as clean could be, the specs were dry as dry.
We could not find a fault because all the architects were high.
No bugs were hiding in the code, there were no bugs to hide.
The management and clients were planning close at hand.
They wept like anything to see requirements get canned.
“If we only had another month”, they wailed, “it would be grand.”
“If 7 reqs with 7 specs were pondered for half a year,
Do you suppose”, a manager said, “That we could get it clear?”
“I doubt it”, said the clients and shed a bitter tear.
“Oh, Analysts, come talk with us”, the clients did beseech,
“A pleasant talk about this mock and features we can keep.
We only need an hour or so to let you look at each.”
The senior analyst looked at them, but never a word she said.
The senior analyst shook her phone and pointed to her head,
Meaning to say she had a conference call instead.
Four other analysts hurried up, eager to debate.
Their teams were booked, their testers rushed p- they’d miss the go live date
And this was bad because the integrators had similar constraints.
Four other tasks were set to start and yet another four –
Data scrubbed, severs patched and upgrades to the core …
Maybe they could arrange to hire some guys offshore?
The managers and clients talked on an hour or so
And then they rested for a bit while the network was running slow
While all the others in the room took another sip of joe.
“The time has come,” the client said, “for us to be agreed.
What will stay, what may slip and what we truly need
And who we can have assigned as the technical lead.”
“But wait a bit,” the techies cried, “before we get to that.
These requirements are out of scope and most of those are crap.”
“Oh glory,” sighed the managers as they glumly sat.
“An architect,” the clients said, “is chiefly what we need.
Planners and engineers are very good indeed.
Now, if you’re ready, techies dear, this session can proceed.”
They analyzed requirements until they all turned blue.
After such a lengthy time there was nothing left to do,
But send the document out for a peer review.
“It is so good of you to come. We really need advice.”
Procurement said nothing but, “If you want a VM slice
You must order now, or we’ll pay the vendor twice.”
“It seems a shame,” they also said, “to listen to their schtick,
But their console seems well-designed and the GUI really slick.”
The clients only said, “Well, they are the ones we picked.”
“We understand,” the analysts said, “We deeply sympathize,
But we cannot meet your target date no matter how we try.
These changes to requirements came as such a big surprise.”
“Oh, clients,” moaned the analysts, “we thought the tests were run,
But reviewing your requirements shows our coding isn’t done
And that is scarcely odd because you’ve rewritten every one.”