I had fun writing this one. sort of a 'What If' to the one that got away for good.

BABY, THAT DRESS IS A FELONY
by DHMcCarty

Loretta started a catering business in Petaluma. She used Craigslist and various obscure social media outlets to attract an assortment of widows, widowers and forty somethings too old, inept or lazy to cook on their own. The majority of her business was individual meal packages heavy on vegetables and raw food. Sort of a healthy Blue Apron with individual attention.

Loretta was resourceful.

Vincent Esposito and Loretta Luna had been an item. They called themselves the Luna Esposito Combo. They made each other laugh.

The sex? Phenomenal.

Eventually Vincent forgot the punch lines but never the silly grin. He was convinced he would die at 88 with a Lola hard on.

He had been in lust several times in his life.

Wait. Let me correct that.

Vincent had been in lust since 1973 when Mrs. Pantatino answered the door wearing a negligee, red lipstick and holding 75 cents to pay for a weeks worth of Cleveland Plain Dealer. Vince got an instant woody.

Mrs. Pantatino smiled and leaned down and kissed his cheek.

“Oh my Vincent, that is so sweet. You must think I’m pretty. You’re the handsomest paperboy I’ve ever seen. Sweetie , you are going to steal some hearts.”

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Their relationship ended due to a few circumstances beyond their control and a few that Vincent didn’t want to cop to. Old habits die-hard.

Vinny believed any man that said he would never change for a woman had never met Loretta. She was direct. Nothing slid past her.

She did it in a way that left his humanity intact. She would sit on the couch holding his hand and tell him what an asshole he was.

“You need to work on this. You’ve used manipulation and charm all your life to get what you want. It really is unacceptable Sweetie. I know you’ve gotten away with it but I can’t be in an unequal relationship.”

Then she would wrap him in a big hug and pull him into the bedroom and screw his brains out. In the morning he would open his eyes to see Loretta grinning at him.

“I’ve got 45 minutes before I have to leave. Let’s make another wet spot. You can wash the sheets while I’m at work.”

. . . . . . . . . . . .

When Loretta finally said goodby, she let him down hard. Not out of spite, anger or enmity, there was no mean in Loretta. Vinny knew how to squeeze his way back into her graces. She was aware of that. She had to send a message. She had to move on and she couldn’t do that with Vinny just around the corner. The memories were too sweet, too vibrant, too luscious. Oh so luscious.

It broke his heart. His heart had been bruised in the past but never broken. Vinny lusted after a lot of women but he had never stayed awake nights thinking about their humor, their kindness, their sweet logic. Loretta was always right because she never spoke off the cuff. She weighed everything before she spoke. Every decision was measured by how it would affect those she loved.

. . . . . . . . . . .

He did his best to get over her. He told himself over and over again why it wasn’t right. He tried being angry over the way she had shown him the door. He tried dating again.

The affairs were flaccid. The anger melted away almost immediately. The reasons why it wouldn’t work weren’t working.

He was still in love with her. He couldn’t stop. He realized he was just lying to himself. He knew he would die with a Loretta smile on his face.

Why not.

He never had a reason to stop loving her. He could justify everything she ever did.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Dieter Goetz was a tech billionaire before his 30th birthday. He’d decided he wanted to leave a legacy. He contacted Vincent about ghostwriting a memoir. He would send a jet to Atlanta to pick Vinny up and fly him out to his estate overlooking Morro Bay.

The negotiations lasted about 30 seconds. Deiter opened with an offer that Vincent had no intention of refusing

“I’ve got a guest house on the waterfront. You can come and go as you please. I’m guessing, what, 6 months . . . 9 months? Lets meet every Monday for lunch and you can update me. We can spend the first two weeks together getting acquainted. My sister Katerina and my mother will meet with you at their convenience. You have the number for David Milfords secretary if you need to speak with him. Anyone else, let me know. The jet will be available should you need to travel to Mountain View, San Diego, Chicago or San Francisco. My secretary Christine will deposit a $100.000.00 retainer in your account today, if you provide her with the necessaries.

See you Monday Vincent. Oh, Christine will hand you the keys to an Alfa Giulia when you give her your bank Routing number. It’s for your use as long as you are here. She will also provide a company credit card for all travel expenses.

This is going to blow your poor starving writer persona Vinny. Sorry about that.”

. . . . . . . . . . .

Vincent posted pictures of San Luis Obispo on Facebook the first week he was there. He wanted Loretta to know he was back in California. Technically he was still keeping distance. It would be her move.

Two hours later a message in his IM box.

“You’re back. That’s great. Can you get away and come up to Petaluma for lunch. I want to hear all about your contract. Friday and Saturday I’ll be done by 1:00. We could meet at 'Risibisi'. It’s right downtown. Italian with a twist. Your kind of place.”

Bingo.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

“Oh sweetie, you look great. You’ve been getting some sun. It looks good on you. Tell me about the book project.”

“I thought it was going to be a puff piece but I’ve changed my mind. He’s the real deal. Now I just have to humanize him. It’s already getting easier.”

“How long will you be here?”

“At least 9 months. I don’t punch a clock and he doesn’t look over my shoulder. I have a car, an expense account and the guest house for at least 9 months. 3200 square feet with a pool, jacuzzi and a pretty little Mexican maid.”

“Is she friendly?”

“Yes but shes too young. I like women that I can talk to.”

She grinned.

“You like women that you can love up.”

“Yeah but it’s nice if you have something to talk about afterwards. It just makes it so much sweeter. You know that. What we had was amazing.”

“Vincent there were reasons it ended.”

He noticed she was wearing the same sleek knit dress she wore on their first date. That dress was a felony.

Well Vinny, you got nothing to lose.

“I understand that, I do. It took awhile but I’m good with it. There’s just one little thing that bothers me Loretta.”

She smiled.

“What’s that?”

“Well, you’ve always been in your element when you were doing good things for people. You love making others feel good. I just feel that you’ve been somewhat stifled in that department I’m not really comfortable with that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve devised this plan. One that will benefit both of us. I’m sure that it will require a bit of research and several trial runs but I think the end result will more than justify it.”

He was grinning.

A slow smile was creeping across her face.

“So, for purely altruistic reasons, I think that we should have sex again. No deep personal attachment, just wet sticky sex. It would do wonders for me to see you smile again and I know it would do the same for you. I really want to do this for you. It’s a bit of a sacrifice but I hold you in very high esteem and I’m worried about your well-being.”

“So this is simply about my good will?”

“Oh, absolutely. It would do wonders for me as well but my concern is for you.”

Loretta was giggling.

“So, it’s a form of therapy?”

“Uhm, you could call it that.”

“You’re going to be here 9 months and then back to Atlanta?”

“That is correct.”

“You snake charmer you. Far be it from me to stand in the way of your 12 step plan.”

“Well it’s only a two step. I do you and you do me. I kept it simple.”

Loretta broke out laughing and then reached out and took his hand.

“Did you bring your toothbrush?”

“Uh, yep.”

She rose from the table and cocked her hip with a goofy grin. Vinny threw $50 on the table and joined her. As they walked to the door he slipped his arm around her waist and then let his hand slip to her hip.

He stopped in his tracks. He turned his eyes to hers. She was looking up at him with a sly smile.

“You’re not wearing any panties Loretta. Just like on that first date. Now I know why you wore this dress.”

“I just wanted to hear your speech. It was very impressive.

You know, I have sweet memories too, Vincent. It’s time to make some new ones.

Oh Vinnie . . .

“I believe it’s your turn to sleep in the wet spot.”

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