The monthly brunch with Lou and Pat
(A satirical piece)
"Hello, Lou like hows it going?"
"Awesome Pat, you won't believe the amount of intercourse I have got since I came out"
"As a ...like?"
"Yeah, a sapiosexual. Hey, I am sapio and proud. Live with it"
"No Lou, like I support and I am your friend like no matter what. So like go on, what like gives?"
"Okay, I will give you just one example. I walked into this cafe and there they were, on their own like reading... a library book. Talk about low hanging fruit. You know they say about them... Well thumbed haha"
"So what like happened next?"
"Okay, Pat I`ll tell you but keep it quiet... I walked up to them and asked about the book and then...We had intercourse right there at the table!"
"Like right there! Like I mean you did not even get a booth like or nothing?"
"No right there with everyone listening and watching. We had intellectual intercourse right there and it was outstanding!"
"Like really!" Pat looked over at the person they once knew but seemed to be changed slightly. Words like "outstanding" were oddly discordant with their usual vocabulary. What was so suddenly wrong with "awesome"? And also the description of events an alarming absence of the all-encompassing apostrophy/filler/stutter "like". "So what like happened next?" Pat leaned over to listen closely.
"Well, after polite introductions/foreplay like current politics and art exhibits, D. H Lawrence we got down and dirty!"
"Go on?"
"I'm talking Baudelaire, Voltaire, even went back to basics of Plato and Aristotle.
"Wow! right like right there? You know that there are some states you can be arrested for that, like, you know?"
"Well, we just did it!"
"So what-like happened next?"
"Oh, we went to their place and shagged like Duracell bunnies"
"So, why the slightly concerned look that I see like on your face?"
"Okay I am sapio and that's okay but they are into... opera"
"Like what are we, like, talkin here?"
"It started off light. just a bit of Puccini or Verdi maybe a bit of Nessun Dorma when making love but now I find myself listening to ... Wagner. On my own!"
Pat looked at their friend with all the sincerity that they could muster, no matter how disgusting that they felt and said, "I will like always be your friend like no matter what. But I gotta tell you like the church will be there for you too if..?"