I would suggest two things: join a writers group in your area. They might be working on different types of things, but when you are in a group like that, you are usually expected to bring something in once a month. Good to get you "going" and I hope you do not take offense, but I also think you should join a support group just make sure it is not a "pity party" but a group of optimistic people who are encouraging and positive. I have a women's group that I belong to and we are amazing supportive of each other, but we also "push" each other when we feel we should. You kneed some support around you.

A year is not a long time in which to heal and recover from what you've been through. I have 3 ideas.

1. Have you considered beginning your journey by writing game modules for other systems as a way to ease back into the flow? Less art is involved and you may find a more immediate market for your product. In addition, this might help reduce the emotional impact of the battering you endured.

2. I also recommend making notes whenever an idea comes to you about your game, even if it's an idea you don't think you'll use. If you keep these notes in the same place, your confidence will grow as the collection of notes grows.

3. Perhaps you could think of developing and writing your game as a story quest in itself. Each competed task is a found treasure or secret passage to another adventure.Reward yourself, as your own personal character, whenever you achieve a milestone. Heh, you could even use a dice roll to determine if you'll write at all at the moment, how many pages you'll write, if you'll revise a section or test an idea, etc.

Most important, find supportive people like the ones in this group.

Okay, a few things here - and I will unleash my Australian ness.

First - f*ck every critic and the camels they rode in on (apologies to the camels there).

Second - you are creating. That is f*cking awesome.

Third - the past is the past. I would suggest you try to let it go. Oh, just to be clear, I am fcking working through my own issues at my end, but I do know what swimming to shore looks like. Gasping on the beach; out of breath and feeling complety fcked. But you made it to shore.

So, brother, push on. Make it yours.

I wonder if Cognitive Behavioural Therapy might help you here? It seems as though you've basically had your head messed with by an outside influence (who has capitalised on your lowered self esteem) and now have a learned response to a thing. CBT is good at breaking this cycle. Here in the UK we can get it for free but I don't know what the state supports where you are.

Aside from that, the simplest approach you can take is to try and accept that you're entitled to do your thing, however much it may have offended your manipulative ex-... Humans need balance in our lives and to have something we love to do. Gaming is equally as justified as any other pastime, be it sports, collecting, watching movies or whatever. A hobby's awesomeness factor is irrelevant — it's just important that you have something that balances out your work life. Without it, you become ground down and out-of-touch with what does you good.

I'm so sorry. That is truly terrible