Thank you everyone for your advice and not being judgemental assholes. I've asked similar questions on Facebook and got slammed with nothing but alligations of being a sadistic monster who hates animals and likes causing pain
Seriously as if wanting advice on how to keep my cat free from fleas is abusive.

I have had great luck with diatomaceous earth as well. It takes a little longer to work, and you will need to treat your cat and your home with a dusting! It’s going to take 90 days to completely eradicate the flea infestation (because of the time for any eggs to mature & hatch). Keep using the D.E. and keep vacuuming. Good luck!
The only way I’ve been able to train my cats to tolerate grooming was to start with less than they will tolerate (for Mattie, my current cat, that was one brush stroke). Then put the brush down and pet. Repeat a few times per day. Then move up to 2 brush strokes, etc. I question how useful that technique is for your situation as you’re combing to remove fleas but it may help someone so I thought I would post it.

For fleas, you also have to treat your home because flea eggs fall off your cat anywhere the cat goes. Any carpet, pet beds, blankets, soft furniture, etc. Any time you vacuum, you have to either empty it outside or take the bag out right away. There are carpet sprays that will kill any existing fleas and dry up eggs, but you can't have your cat on any treated surface until it dries. Fleas are a huge pain. We had them last winter, but got fortunate enough that the collars took care of the problem.

For calming, I find that soothing music helps. There are also calming pastes that you give like a treat. I used that for my oldest cat when I got her sister and it helped.

there are many effective flea treatments for pet and home but not a single one of them will work if the cat goes outside. you can't stop fleas from being outside and you can't stop the cat from bringing them in. the first step toward eliminating the flea problem is keeping the cat indoors. without that step, nothing will ever work.

as for calmness, my cats like when i sing to them. go figure.

g

Treat your cat for fleas and once gone, keep him/her indoors if at all possible. I've always had cats and they do not go outdoors. I've only had a flea problem once (treated by the vet) and that was after letting them out.

My cats are healthy, happy playful and loveable. They love to lay in the sun, watch the birds and squirrels out the window and play with the toys I give them. My oldest cat is now 15yrs and just as energetic as my 3yr old cat.

Don't know about any anti-flea medication but these might help with grooming.
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What is her name ? Do you have one room you can sterilize from fleas mites ticks and heartworms from outside ? Isolate her from the pests but spend 5 hours a day with her safe from the bugs. ...Bathe her together with you running the shower hose silently filling the tub slowly with warm only water. ..use the medicated shampoo you already have. ...stop the tub water level as she stands in warm water shoulder high. ...she will trust you in the same water as you hold her paws and shoulders. ...get help with someone you trust seeing you nude to apply reapply rinse repeat 3 times kitty flea shampoo. ...take your time an hour if you must drown and poison them damn fleas crawling out her fur into her eyes & ears. ...massage the meds deep into her ears. ...the damn comb HURTS pulls her fur. ...so only use it to check if all the eggs and bugs are gone. ...bathe away her troubles and have your biggest fluffiest towel to wrap kitty in .....sing meow songs to her. ...if her favorite food is TUNA sing TUNA pop the top can. ...kitten food with milk in the can will be her healing diet. ...check her stools for worms. ...you get her into a sterile room and keep out all other carrier of bugs. ...hopefully a window room for birds squirrels and life outside she misses. ....let her lick her self dry on your warm belly in bed. ...you are her momma she trusts for the next 30 years INSIDE AWAY FROM BUGS

Cheristan worked when my kitties got fleas from the dog who brought them in from outside. Safe for kittens 8 weeks of age and older. Recommended by my Vet.

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Available in many other places than Amazon so shop around - but three doses should do it. Including taking care of residual eggs from the carpeting I would think.

I can't help with keeping kitty calm while grooming.
Mine just either are or aren't.

Though I've always brought them into the tiny bath for intense grooming. That way if they need to be released it's not a huge thing to capture them again.

I have had good luck with diatomaceous earth, use food grade, it will not harm the cat, but it will get rid of the fleas. It will take several treatments because the eggs continue to hatch, so treat the cat once a week. Any feed store should have it, or you can order off amazon for significantly more. It is used on farm animals for organic flea and mite control. Don't worry about her licking it off her fur, it is also used internally for worm and parasite control.